COMPANY TAKES MEASURES TO REDUCE INANIMATE-OBJECT VIOLENCE
CHICAGO, Illinois (CNN)...With the creation and marketing of pre-dirtied jeans sales, Gatorade is now selling pre-damaged buckets of its nationally-known, electrolyte-filled beverage as anger-management pre-emptive-strike outlets for players prone to taking out their frustrations with Louisville sluggers on the defenseless sports-drink containers. The jugs-in-question will be available in every dugout in the thirty Major Baseball League-venue dugouts to sate/de-escalate players seriously-annoyed by strike-outs or critical-situation pop-ups.
Vindy took his Nerf bat to his laptop after muddling through a very-pedestrian 8-8-1 last week (90-74-1, 549). Hopin' to round da' bases (or at least da' sportsbook-counter), Vindy knocks the dirt from his cleats and digs-in at the plate with...
THE WEBER KID'S WEEK 10 FORECAST
(Official Picks of Royal-Squeeze Megan Markle!)
FRI. NOV. 3
#22 Memphis @ TULSA ("over 78 ½"): Tigers 49 Golden 'Cane Sugar 38
SAT. NOV. 4
#19 Louisiana State @ #1 ALABAMA ("under 48 ½"): Both clubs were idle last week. Elephants have allowed only Colorado State and Texas A&M to light-up da' board for double-digits. In addition, Tuscaloosa Tusks have won and covered last three years by 7, 14 and 10, including failure to hit da' scoreboard by da' Bengals in 10-0 loss of 2016. Tide beating spread at 4-1 pace, with closest MOV being 8 (@ Texas A&M). Bayou Bengals got it together after Death Valley-loss to Troy (SB, not PAC-12), including wins over then-Top-25 teams Florida and Auburn. ' Cats have been poor 1-4 as road-dogs. Tide has gone now 7-4 facing ranked-opposition last three years prior to Da' Bowls!..Pachyderms 27 Bengals 10
South Carolina (+24 ½) over #2 GEORGIA: Despite Carolina's flag-fest, Poultry took out Vandy to garner some poll-votes. Gamehens have won 6 of 8 behind 16 returning starters in Will Muschamp's sophomore-year as head coach., including best-win neutral-site victory over currently-#20 NC State to start the 2017 campaign. Chicken Nuggets have covered all three road-dog chances to date (winning two outright), though these came vs. conference lower-tier clubs Mizzou, A&M and Tennessee. SC shows 4-1 SU record over past five contests, but 'Dawgs are dismantling SEC opposition by 32 ppg. Trip to Auburn next for Joja'…'Bulldogs 29 Carolina 13
IOWA (+17) over #3 Ohio State: Hawkeyes will sport all-black unis fer this one. Off big comeback-win over Penn State and hittin' conference-tarmac, we gotta' go against State here. OSU showcased a RB named Mike Weber, Jr. in game vs. da' Alma Mater. FYI, loyal readers...no relationship to yer humble-narrator (as far as we know!)… Buckeyes 27 Birds 14
#4 Wisconsin (-11) over INDIANA: Badgers 31 Hoosiers 17
Wake Forest @ #5 NOTRE DAME ("under 55"): Best guess fer "Irish We Had It Back". Demons are 4-2-1 after whackin' floundering-Louisville despite almost 500 all-purp yards from Lamar Jackson and have been cha-ching road-dogs last 14 tries, Our Lady has certainly exceeded our expectations, posting 7-1 SUATS record, but could be in look-ahead situation with roadie at Coral Gables next. Deacs have beaten da' line 9 of last 10 against Top 25 opposition. Fair-warning, we changed this selection from initial choice of Wake +13 ½...Leprechauns 31 WF 13
#20 NC STATE (+7) over #6 Clemson: 'Pack got nowhere near our expectations for contest in South Bend, losing badly to the Catholics. Tigers at least did no damage (see our "lock of da' week" segment below). Clemson hasn't been very good ATS when MOV is plus or minus a touchdown. State closed the gap considerably with 2016's seven-point defeat after being blown off the gridiron the previous two seasons, hold a one-game advantage over Clemson in the Atlantic Division and it's Homecoming in Raleigh. Hopin' QB Ryan Finley reestablishes lengthy run of consecutive throws without a pick...Tigers 26 'Pack 24
#7 Penn State (-7 ½) over #24 MICHIGAN STATE: Second choice fer "lock". This line opened at -11...Lions 29 Sparty 13
#8 Oklahoma (+3) over #11 OKLAHOMA STATE: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK. Bedlam, featuring two of da' four teams in a tie fer first atop the Big Twelve, lost a bit of luster with both sides suffering untimely-defeats. Sooners' only loss came in Norman to suddenly-upstart Cyclones. State fell by 11 to TCU team that was also a victim of Iowa State. We put more stock in Boomer Schooner's 15-point road-win at now-#3 Ohio State than Cowpokes' away-victory in Morgantown over now-unranked Mounties...OK 34 State 27
#13 Virginia Tech @ #9 MIAMI ("under 50"): We were tempted to take Miami with da' FG in a rare home-dog role, but the uninspired 5-point triumph over North Carolina team having a down-year backed-us off, It's possible that result was due to fatigue following 1-point win over feisty Joja' Tech and 8-point victory over very-scrappy Syracuse. But nonetheless, Hokies have finished below the total in 4 of past 5 games while Pelicans have gone "under" in in 5 of 6... Tech 24 Da' U 20
#10 TCU (-7) over Texas: While we were on the wrong side of the point-spread in that game, Kermits have our gratitude for falling SU to the Dust Devils, sparing the Nittany Lions a much-longer slide down the rankings, keeping Penn State's CFP hopes alive (nominally). Squeeeeeak...Frogs 27 'Horns 19
#12 WASHINGTON (-21) over Oregon: This got a good, hard look fer "lock of da' week"...UDUB 42 Drakes 10
#14 Iowa State (+2 ½) over WEST VIRGINIA: VERY MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK. Why go against ISU's momentum?...Cyclones 28 West-By Gollum-Virginia 24
#15 Central Florida @ SMU ("over 75"): Knights hosted, and roasted, I-AA Austin Peay 73-33 (which got one FCS Coaches' Poll vote ahead of that match). Figuring 70+ to be an outlier, we still foresee a track-meet between these two...Knights 45 Pony Express 38
TEXAS A&M (+15) over #16 Auburn: Tigers were idle last week. Whatever extra-practice and film-study A&M got during its bye went fer naught, with Aggies losing by three scores to Mississippi State. A&M is more-experienced on the defensive-side than on offense, showing-up as four consecutive "unders", but choosing a total would be prohibitive given Aubie's five-straight "over"-finishes. Tigers have been solid laying points on the road at 5-2, while Aggies have been bet-against as home-dogs, but the lone-cover came this year with 8-point loss to #1 'Bama. TAMU can secure a post-season spot by beating New Mexico at home next week or Ole Minced in Oxford the following Saturday...Tigers 28 Aggies 17
#23 Arizona (+7 ½) over #17 USC: UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK. We're startin' to think Arizona is 12-PACK's version of Iowa State. UA boasts dual-threat QB Khalil Tate, while Troy trots out inconsistent-quarterback Sam Darnold-could be-Tom Arnold. USC had failed six straight times against the number before routing Arizona State last week and has covered just once in five tries layin' points at the Coliseum. 'Cats have won 4, covering 3 since 6-point loss to Utah, are 5-2 against the line overall and entered 2017 off first SU-losing season since 2011 (winning just three games total in 2016 fer Rich-Rod. UA had been dismal 1-7 road-dog entering the year, but covered (and won) getting 6 ½ at Colorado earlier. Centurions have taken spread-money just four times in last 19 tries vs. Top-25 foes and are currently -8 in the interception-margin category. Yo, Sam...run da' ball...Arizona 27 USC 23
#25 WASHINGTON STATE (-2) over #18 Stanford: Trees, minus star-rusher (see our Black Shirt segment below), came back to nip the Beavers 15-14. Coogs fell to Arizona in wake of four picks tossed by Tyler Hilinski. Bryce Love's return this week, gives Stanford a great shot, but we saw how Wazzou responded following bad-loss vs. Cal. Lookin' fer some-semblance of a repeat here in the friendly-confines...Cougars 30 Stanford 20
#21 MISSISSIPPI STATE (-28) over Massachusetts: LOCK OF DA' WEEK. Having equaled 2016's total SU-win total (2), Minnie Mouse Men enter this one celebratin' first record of back-to-back outright-wins since mid-2014. UMass has been competitive in all its defeats and show 4-1 ATS record over past five tilts and an impressive 6-0 spread tally vs. SEC clubs. Our "counter"?! State is 5-2 vs. the number, including 3-0 over past three and beat BYU by 25, Kentucky by 38 and Weeziana State by 30. Only caveat is that Bulldogs have invading-Tide up next... Bulldogs 48 UMass 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, as aggressive ball-players get psychologically-thwarted by the aforementioned buckets, we figure an increase in violence toward dug-out rails! Or at least an uptick in helmets and bats launched onto the field-of-play!
As a follow-up to Week 10's lead story re: Stallone...Ivan Drago said of Vindy's possibly-emotional response to a poor-outing Thursday through Saturday..."If he cries...he cries."...
On da' Big Screen this week...San Josie State meets the Independent BYU Cougars football team in..."No Conference for Old Men"
With Game Seven of Da' World Serious underway as we go to press...it was decided last March that a "no-pitch intentional walk" will now be awarded after defensive team's manager signals the decision to the home plate umpire and a ruling also implemented that teams cannot use chalk or markers to better-position its fielders, leaving clubs no option but to have coaches and bench-players wielding those illuminated batons grounds-crews use to direct passenger planes in and out of airport gates!
Da’ Patriots overcame a 25-point hole to win Super Bowl LI in extra frames. Conspiracy-theorists have postulated the Dirty Birds pumped artificial crowd-noise into Brady’s pigskins to create the initial New England deficit! Having relieved Russian-hackers of responsibility, Falcon fans are blaming WikiLeaks for coughing-up the Atlanta playbook to the Pats at halftime!
This week's obligatory bad-pun...a classic Jack Nicholson flick meets sports-broadcasting..."The Post-Game Show Always Championship-Rings Twice"???!!!
With Halloween just gone-by...the NBA meets Child’s Play as the soul of Charles Lee Ray Barkley inhabits a Good Guy doll!
We salute the Sin City NHL-expansion Vegas Golden Knights for early 8-3 record, but we just don't get the team-mascot being a yellow-headed Gila Monster named Chance. Why not an actual paladin named Perciful or Lancelot or Gawain?! Or fer our fellow Monty Python & Da' Holy Grail fans..."Brave, brave...Sir Robin"??!! During a pre-game event, a golden knight removed a sword from a stone. Does this mean there will be a Vegas jersey with "Arthur" on da' back???!!!
"Locked in a Box": What were we thinking when we "locked" against PITA Clemson team??!!! Fortunately, no harm-no foul as the Ramblin' Wreck pushed at +14, putting the tally at 7-1-1 (.875).
Black Shirt: This week's tee goes to Stanford star-RB Bryce Love fer tweakin' his ankle in Week 8 game vs. Oregon that prohibited him from playing in Week 9 contest @ Oregon State, forcing da' Cardinal to rally late to scrape-by the Beavers (+21 ½)! Honorable mention to Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield fer throwing three TD-passes in the 3rd Quarter to send the game "over" the total ahead of a scoreless 4th Quarter.
Shoppe Talk: The Irish and Da' Mounted Ears hang around this week, each at 1-4 (.200), while South Florida makes an appearance at 2-4 (.333). We also invite Oklahoma State for its fourth forecast-"L" in as many weeks!
Vindy's Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 18-18-1 (.500)
Coastal Carolina (+26 ½) over ARKANSAS, New Mexico State (-9 ½) over TEXAS STATE, East Carolina +24 ½ over HOUSTON, San Diego State @ SAN JOSIE STATE "under 50"
P.S. (Post-Spread??!!!): With family in town, Da' Picks will be on a brief hiatus for Week 11, but fear not, faithful readers...we'll back in our full-blown format circa November 15 with our Week 12 selections!
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