UNAIRED CBS GAME-SHOW EPISODE REVEALED
CULVER CITY, California (TMZ)...Back in April, Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers equally stunned and delighted originally-skeptical audiences for two weeks with his prowess as guest-host of Jeopardy. Viewers, however, did not see one particular filming, in which the star QB went “totally rogue”, “taunting” second-and third-place contestants during TV time-outs and ultimately spiking the microphone as the show-in-question came to an end, drawing unsportsmanlike-conduct penalties. The future Hall-of-Famer, and actual victor of the 2015 Celebrity Jeopardy series, was said by an anonymous stage-hand to take “great joy” in denying a contestant who provided the correct answer to “This player holds the record for most sacks against Aaron Rodgers” because the player “did not phrase the answer in the form of a question...’you loser’!”
We’re pleased with a 4-1 (.800) and 4-points-collectively-scored short in Texas- Lafayette contest away from perfect 5-0 effort from da’ git-go. Vindy hopes to confuse the bookies by ’ from a mainly zone-defense to Man-to-Mandalorian coverage with...
THE WEBER KID’S 2021 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Still getting' booed less than Roger Goodell at the NFL Draft!)
FRI. SEPT. 10
Kansas (+25 ½) over #19 COASTAL CAROLINA: Best guess fer “wish we had it back”. Bluebirds’ first outright win (barely, against FCS Coyotes) in ten tries will be short-lived, but may provide some confidence and has acquired some bettors’ inspiration (opening-spread was +27). Carolina has taken ‘19 and ‘20 contests in this series 12-5 and 38-23. Not convinced that SU loss by KU last week would’ve impacted our choice here as Chants have a much bigger assignment looming at Buffalo after this one. Marc Lawrence indicates Aviary has covered just a lone time in eleven outings in the wake of an SU triumph. Kansas has improved experience on both lines, but hasn’t beaten the spread vs. a ranked-foe in last 7 opportunities. CCU has been a blind-folded dart-throw as home-chalk and figures to yank first-teamers early...Roosters 34 KU 16
SAT. SEPT. 11
#11 Oregon @ #3 OHIO STATE (“over 63 ½”): Toughest call for us this week. Taking two touchdowns is attractive as Mallards fell asleep at the wheel, maybe peeking-ahead to this contest, and just dodged upset-bullet from Mountain-Jest's Fresno State, but little voice in our head strenuously-recommends we “grab the ‘over’”. With nobody left on the Buckeyes’ national championship squad from 2014’s 42-20 win over Oregon, we’ll disregard Urban Meyer’s recent tweet that “Best thing about 14-1" in reference to the game-in-question as bulletin-board material. Ducks won’t be intimidated takin’-on a B10 squad given 7-6 victories over Michigan State in 2019 bowl and 28-27 vs. the Badgers in 2019. State benefitted from Gophers’ star-RB Ibrahim ’ down to injury after finding itself in a toe-to-toe outing late in the game vs. Minnesota...Buckeyes 41 Drakes 34
COLORADO (+17) over #5 Texas A&M (@ Denver, CO): ’ da’ Bison thru the first four games of their season has been lucrative back to 2016. Buffs have lost outright just twice, while ’ 16 of 19 lined-tilts. The rushing attack has made significant strides the past three seasons. Jimbo Fisher, now in his fourth year at College Station has been “meh” 19-14-1 ATS and is lining-up a very-young offense on the field against a seasoned-D for Colorado. Topping Kent State 41-10 last week puts A&M at 10-2 against the number in its last dozen vs. non-conference opponents and its only defeat in ‘20 was getting thumped at ‘Bama (but then, who doesn’t?!). Bein’ close to home to should help the underdog, since CU has covered 5 of 6 previous in Boulder...Gig ‘ 34 “Rocky Mountain High” 24
Toledo (+16 ½) over #7 NOTRE DAME: After squandering an 18-point advantage in the second-half and edging-out a 3-point in OT, Irish head coach Brian Kelly reprised an ill-advised sarcastic joke about his team’s need to be “executed”. We’re ’ if Toledo, a trap-game for the Leprechauns ahead of B10-contests vs. Purdue and Wisconsin in Chicago followed by ’ Cincinnati, might troll the Varmints by taking out full-page ads in the South Bend Tribune ’ gallows and/or a guillotine! Rockets improved nicely last year by about a TD in points-scored and a similar-amount in points-yielded and have 21 starters on this season’s team. Lucky Charms’ youth glared in 4th Quarter as Seminoles closed the 18-point hole in the final stanza and forced ND to hit the game-winning trey in OT. If Astronauts can avoid repeat of ‘20 league-worst yellow-hankies per contest...Our Lady 30 Fireball XL5 (those of you under fitty can GOOGLE it!) 23
Nevada-Las Vegas @ #25 ARIZONA STATE (“under 53 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. As we suggested it might last week, University of Nevada-Legumes & Vegetables fell straight-up to lower-level Eastern Washington, in what was basically a field-goal-fest until overtime. In their defense, while not playing “the Alabama of FCS” (that title firmly belongs to North Dakota State), the Rebels were facing an E-Dub team that could easily draw comparisons as the Ohio State or Oklahoma of I-AA. UNLV coughed-up an average of 38 ppg in ‘20, but Marc Lawrence points out that it has covered 10 of last 11 non-conference road-tilts. In addition, we note that it has lost by five-touchdowns or more just once in the past four seasons, while Sun Devils, who's sloppy 27-point victory over Sudden Utah did not impress voters enough to gain any advancement in the rankings from last week, have beaten an opponent by that many just twice in three years. Assuming both sides continue to favor the ground game and this one doesn’t go into extra-frames...ASU 37 UNLV 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, during regularly-televised shows, Rodgers would consult with producers between rounds to look over aerial-photos taken of the contestants’ alignment so he could adjust accordingly. The three players, alerted to the ploy, decided to rush their host by buzzing-in all at the same time, but a member of the “Clue-Crew” picked-up the blitz, allowing Rodgers to completely-verbalize the clue. While da’ Cheese heads’ QB1 took the majority of 1st-team snaps, back-ups Tim Boyle and Jordan Love got in a few reps at the podium, just in case the former Cal-product was unable to go!
Last week, Pitt 1997 alum Chris Bickell gifted twenty-million dollars to his alma mater on the condition that Pat Narduzzi’s job position be subsequently referred to as the Chris Bickell ‘97 Head Football Coach. On a similar note, we’re currently in negotiations with officials at Happy Valley to rename James Franklin’s spot as Da’ Vindicator ‘83 Head Football Coach if humble narrator forks over ...twenty-bucks?
In August, Crimson Tide DB McKinstry signed a Name Image Likeness deal as “Kool-Aid” McKinstry. Your humble narrator cut himself a similar NIL contract as the Aqua-Velva Vindicator and is reportedly in the works for a partnership as the Woolworth’s Weber Kid! More on this one next week!
The Nitwit Lion offense had better have bought steak & lobster dinners fer their defensive-team counterparts after said stop-squad went well-above and beyond to keep the Alma Mater in the game, fer da’ win, against insurmountable-odds at last weekend!
UH-Oh! Hawaii, who garnered Marc Lawrence’s Playbook #1 Returning Production Ranking nationally on defense, has yielded 79 points over its first two contests after giving-up a reasonable 28 ppg last year (albeit in a shortened-outing and allowing 31 or more in five matches). Up next, da’ ‘Bows visit Oregon State, who belted the board fer 33 ppg last season (though managed just 21 at Purdue last week)!
Ahead of IU’s match at Iowa, the jersey of freshman RB David Holloman was emblazoned with the incorrect spelling of Indiana as “”! Given Indy’s 34-6 loss, attempts to deceive fans into thinking they were someone else ’ been an acceptable strategy! Tune-in next week as the front of a random Hoosier player’s jersey reads “Ivermectin”!
Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: Last week, we suggested four possible FCS upsets over their FBS-opponents. Three came to fruition...FCS #11 Eastern Washington 35-33 over UNLV (in 2OT, as noted above), #24 East Tennessee State 23-3 over VANDERBILT and #25 Holy Cross 38-28 over UCONN. The Bluebirds of Kansas hit paydirt with just over a minute-left to escape unranked South Dakota 17-14! Didn’t see these ’: #2 South Dakota State 42-23 over COLORADO STATE, #16 UC-Davis 19-17 over TULSA and unranked Montana 13-7 over #20 WASHINGTON! Notable near-misses: #7 IOWA STATE 16-10 over unranked Northern Iowa, OKLAHOMA STATE 23-16 over #13 Mizzou State, WYOMING 19-16 over unranked Montana State and JOJA’ SUDDEN 30-25 over unranked Gardner-Webb! Our best guesses for Week 2...Gardner-Webb over CHARLOTTE, #Kennesaw State over (GASP!) JOJA’ TECH, Hampton over OLD DOMINION, Grambling State over SUDDEN MIST and #North Dakota over UTAH STATE.
Crappy Game of Da’ Week: Vanderbilt @ COLORADO STATE (see above). Meanwhile, Dishonorable Mention to New Mexico State (0-2, outscored 13-58, 2-12 SU last two seasons) @ NEW MEXICO (1-0, topped I-AA Houston Baptist 27-17, 4-15 outright over ‘19 and ‘20 campaigns).
Tom Brady pooh-poohed the NFL’s numbers rule allowing defensive tackles and corners to sport the uniform-numbers 1-49, suggesting OT won’t know who to block. Takin’ da’ GOAT’s concerns to heart, Vindy adapts his apparel to reflect any of da’ said-numerals to confuse the bookies takin’ wagers at da’ sportsbook-counter!
Beginning September 13, the ARIA Hotel & Casino will feature a real-scale chocolate cake version of Raiders QB Derek . We’ve heard of “icing da’ kicker”. “Icing da’ passer”???!!!
We forgot to mention last week that the Fab Forecaster helped the U.S. Olympic Men’s Team achieve gold in a highly-contested lawn-darts final at the Tokyo Summer Games!
Black Shirt: The inaugural 2021 ebony tee goes to Badgers OL Kayden Lyles for committing a false-start in the 2nd-Quarter with the ball just outside Penn State’s goal-line. That flag ultimately resulted in a blocked FG try. Honorable-mention to Badgers QB Graham Mertz and a couple of his RB for a couple of blown hand-offs that preserved our upset pick! (BTW, the Lions’ defense flew home in a Leer jet and will get the week off from practice. Meanwhile, the PSU offense is still running laps at...Camp Randall!)
“Locked in a Box: We begin 2021 at 1-0 (1.000) as the Tide bashed the Cane Sugar of Miami, easily ’ da’ 19-point spread!
Shoppe Talk: Steaks all-around as the Texas Cattle (0-1) open the Shoppe following their 6th forecast-loss since the start of last season (2-6, .250)!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 2-2 (.500) (And of course, the two wagers we made were the pair that failed! [Ya’ can’t coach that ’ talent!])
Boston College –37 ½ over UMASS, ARKANSAS STATE +5 over Memphis, Air Force @ NAVY “under 40 ½”, San Diego State PK over ARIZONA
Until next week to Mike Tirico at our studios in New York!”