NEVADA LAKE NEARLY FREE OF PICKS
LAKE TAHOE, Nevada (CNN)....More than three months following the explosion of a preseason forecast, spewing thousands of spread picks into the water, clean-up efforts have almost come to an end, thanks in part to skimming efforts by ski-doos, dinner-cruise ferries and a fleet of deft paddle-boats manned by tourists employing Dust-Busters and Crazy Straws. Vindy’s Picks, which shortened its name to VP, changed leadership and launched a massive PR campaign, prepares to move on after the resolution of one of the greatest gambling-related disasters in history. VP, with the help and monitoring of the Nevada Gaming Control Board, has made several efforts to stop the spill by capping the blown-out forecast and by clogging it with mud, cement, even discarded Jabulani soccer balls from this year’s World Cup, while construction crews built a pair of relief sportsbooks beneath the lake bed. The seemingly-tireless ragtag armada stopped operations just once, after Doppler radar led the National Weather Service to broadcast a hurricane warning for nearby Carson City and several counties in northeastern California. The Gaming Control Board has now declared that most of the picks from the spill were consumed by bettors, dispersed by chemicals or eaten by microbes. Said one anonymous sports-gambler, “‘Top kill’, ‘static kill’, bottom kill?’ The only things VP didn’t throw at this problem were roadkill and (Northern Illinois coach) Jerry Kill!”
Meanwhile, farther south in Sin City, the Vegas Vindicator, sporting Norwegian men’s Olympic curling team pants, breaks the huddle with his 2010 Preseason Forecast Strategy Team of...eight-year-old Cub Scout and TSA “watch-lister” Mikey Hicks, SI swimsuit-issue cover model Brooklyn Decker, former UNLV assistant football coach Ty Gregorak, Dez Bryant’s mother, Justin Bieber, Conan O’Brien, Olympic Team USA goalie Sean Miller, Joslyn James, umpire Jim Joyce, Rielle Hunter, retired journalist Helen Thomas, Team Edward, World Cup ref Koman Coulibaly; General Stanley McChrystal, Karen Sypher and Russian spy Anna Chapman, knowing one thing’s for certain...there ain’t enough blue Dawn in the country to clean the muck off of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2010 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Preferred by four outta’ five BP executives!)
THURS. SEPT. 2
Marshall over #2 OHIO STATE taking 29: Just great. Vindy goes mano-a-mano with last year’s Grill-Master Supreme award-winning Buckeyes (who produced just 3 forecast wins in 13 tries for your humbled host last season) right from the git-go. State, who has the Hurricanes up next, is just 4-5 ATS the past four seasons against non-BCS squads and ho-hum 13-11 as a home fave in that time. Marshall hasn’t beaten the line in last 5 games facing ranked teams. Really, we’d like to pass on this one and we expect more fervor from Herd next week when West Virginia visits Huntington, but State hasn’t beaten an opening I-A foe by this many since 2000...OSU 31 Marshall 5
Florida A&M @ #13 MIAMI: No line.
#14 Southern Cal over HAWAII giving 21: Not sure if smallish line represents thinking that Trojans will come out less-than-enthusiastic about two-year bowl ban or expectation that Lane Kiffin will repeat his one-year “performance” at Tennessee and lead USC to a sub-par win-loss record. SoCal has been lousy 3-9 as a road fave the past two years. Under now-third-year coach McMakin, Warriors have dropped 21 ppg on offense, allowed more rushing yardage on defense and suffered an increasing number of turnovers...Trojans 44 UH-Oh 17
#15 Pittsburgh over UTAH taking 2 ½: Early match-up of a pair of squads that each won 10 games in 2009. Utes have covered 6 of their last 8 vs. ranked opponents, though just one of those games had Utah in the favorite role, and return just 4 on defense. That could be a problem against Pitt RB Dion Lewis. Panthers were victorious in 8 of their last 11 away from Heinz Field and 9 of last dozen non-conference games. A win by Utah gains it a ranking. A win by Pitt gives it some early season love from the voters. There was that pesky SU win by Utah over ‘Bama in the 2008 post-season, but...Pitt 16 Utah 13
SAT. SEPT. 4
#1 ALABAMA over San Jose State giving 39: Defending champs bring back just two starters from defense that yielded just 12 ppg last year. Tide has beaten just one FBS opponent by this many in the last decade, but that win did come in 2009 in a 53-7 romp over North Texas. Spartans lost 53-7 at USC to open last season and have been 4-12-1 getting points away from home the last three years. ‘Bama could elect to substitute the reserves frequently with visit by Vindy’s Lions on-deck and we’re in no-man’s land since teams laying 32-38 in their openers the past three years are 4-1against the line, while those giving more than 40 are 1-3 ...Tide 48 SJSU 6
#4 FLORIDA over Miami-Ohio giving 35 ½: Despite one-win season in Coach Haywood’s first year, Redbirds made some progress, decreasing points-against by 1per game while scoring 2 more ppg themselves. They were also last in the country in turnover margin at minus-24. Florida’s been betting gold in last 11 non-conference games, but loses its all-everything quarterback. Will Gators suffer from PTSD (Post-Tebow Scoring Drought)?...Florida 48 Miami-uh-OH 10
#5 Texas over Rice giving 28 ½ (@ Reliant Stadium, Houston, TX): Owls have managed just one spread win in last half-dozen vs. the Steers and don’t fare well in general ATS when out of conference. Nearly a home game for Rice, but new ‘Horns QB Garrett Gilbert nearly did the unthinkable in almost leading Texas back in last season’s BCS title game after Colt McCoy was injured. UT allowed 20 points in 2009 opener, the first time Horns let more than 13 on the board by its first opponent in last 10 years (allowed 23 to NCSU in 1999) and third straight year allowing double-digits...Steers 44 Hooters 10
#24 Oregon State over #6 Texas Christian taking 13 (@ Arlington, TX): The Rodgers brothers will try to take State past the Horny Toads, who’ve been just 4-4 outta’ the Mountain West. Beavers lost by 6 at USC and by 4 at Oregon last season. OSU is just 2-4 in last 6 lined openers, including game it should’ve lost last season to UNLV ...TCU 17 Beavers 13
Utah State over #7 OKLAHOMA taking 32: Sooners always a national title threat...if they stay healthy. OK comes off disappointing 4-7-1 ATS season, but opening line was quickly bet up from 28. Aggies, who bring back 17 starters, have increased their points scored and lowered points-against in each of the last four seasons and went 5-0 as road dogs in 2009 under then-first year coach Gary Andersen. State has also covered 7 of last 10 non-conference games...Sooners 34 USU 7
#8 NEBRASKA over Western Kentucky giving 36 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. In their short history of I-A ball, Hilltoppers have gone just 1-2 ATS playing ranked teams and have a new coach after going win-less in 2009. Huskers beat three more-veteran Sun Belt teams last year by a combined 142-12. We’ll look at WKU as perhaps a “best bet” somewhere during conference play, but not here...Nebraska 48 WKU 0
Eastern Illinois @ #9 IOWA: No line.
#11 OREGON over New Mexico giving 34: Lobos have covered half their non-conference games the last three years, but have managed nothing more than a grand total 7 field goals in last 4 season openers (0-4 SU/ATS). In fact, New Mexico has gone 0-fer-8 in lined openers and just 1-fer-last 10 (vs. lesser competition). Ducks are without their suspended starting RB for this one and are oddly just 6-5 ATS on the Pond the last two years. Expect much better effort than sloppy game that got them beaten by Boise State to start 2009...Quack Attack 51 Lobotomies 6
UNLV over #12 Wisconsin taking 20 ½: Badgers’ margin-of-victory has dropped from 20 to 15 to 7 the last three games vs. UNLV. Rebels haven’t covered last four tries against ranked teams. We’re counting on Wisky to just plod along and settle for a victory. New Rebels coach Bobby Hauck posted a tally of 80-17 at Montana, in part due to disciplinary runs to the “M” logo upon Mount Sentinel. Maybe a trek up the stairs to the top of the Stratosphere casino would be a suitable equivalent...Badgers 24 Rebels 7
South Carolina State @ #16 GEORGIA TECH: No line.
Tennessee Tech @ #17 ARKANSAS: No line.
#21 Louisiana State over #18 North Carolina taking 1 (@ Atlanta, GA): Both teams have reduced opponent-scoring nicely, with Tarheels down from 31 ppg in 2006 to 17 ppg last year and the Bengals down from 27 ppg to 16 ppg last year. Carolina lost 4 of the 5 games last year in which it allowed more than 17. UNC has beaten the spread in 7 of last 8 against ranked teams, but won only 3 outright. By contrast, Tigers have lost 7 of last 8 ATS facing Top 25 teams and are just 2-9-2 in last 13. Line’s been back-and-forth between pick ‘em and favoring each side very slightly. Tarheels have the NCAA in their face regarding improper benefits and academic misconduct. Frankly, we’d rather just play the “under” than pick a side...LSU 13 UNC 10
Youngstown State @ #19 PENN STATE: No line.
Samford @ #20 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Arkansas State over #22 AUBURN taking 30 ½: Red Wolves are just 5-17 ATS the past two years, but covered 5 of their last 6 season openers and lost by 29 at Nebraska last year and by just 3 at Iowa. These two last met in 2006, with Auburn winning 27-0. Tigers have pitched shut-outs against the last 3 Sun Belt teams they played, but are only 2-2 ATS in last 4 against that conference despite the goose-eggs...Tigers 30 ASU 6
#23 GEORGIA over Louisiana giving 28: No faith in this pick as the ‘Dawgs will be without its suspended leading RB this week. Ragin’ Cajuns lost by just 28 at LSU last season, but were hammered 55-0 a week later at Nebraska. ‘Dawgs just 2 ATS wins in last 10 as home chalk, but 8-4 vs. non-conference. Only five offensive starters back for Weeziana, so can’t expect much output from unit that saw offensive rushing yardage cut in half last season...Joja’ 31 Used-to-Be-Weeziana-Lafayette 0
Coastal Carolina @ #25 WEST VIRGINIA: No line.
MON. SEPT. 6
#10 Virginia Tech over #3 Boise State taking 3 (@ Landover, MD): Huge game for the Broncos, whose national title shot probably dies with a loss. As good as Boise has been, it has lost 2 of its last 3 SU on neutral ground and 3 of its last 5. Tech hasn’t covered an opener in last 3 seasons and has lost 12 of last 15 non-conference tilts ATS. If it the victory comes down to the kicking game, Tech’s punter and place-kicker are both just redshirt freshmen. Hokies are also 8-6 ATS in last 14 facing teams in the Top 25...VT 13 Boise 12
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Just FYI, Team Edward got the nod for preseason forecasting strategy honors because Vin picked that side on his Burger King game-piece by coin-toss over Team Jacob and won a value-size order of tater-tots!
One of the new rules in effect for 2011 season bans the wedge block on kickoffs (but the “atomic wedgie block” in which the jockstrap of an onrushing kick-coverage player is yanked up his butt-crack and over his head as he approaches the ball-carrier is apparently still allowable!)
The Allentown Morning Call has revealed a local man’s effort to have the playing surface at Penn State renamed “Joe Paterno Field at Beaver Stadium”. Apparently, the Seminoles did likewise a few years back, tagging its venue as “Bobby Bowden Field at Doak Campbell Stadium”. Can you imagine letting the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim play an exhibition baseball at one of these locations???!!! Why not just add to the obnoxiousness and call the Nittany Lions home site...”Joe Paterno Pavilion Field at Beaver Stadium Presented by Citibank!” In all seriousness, if we’re gonna’ do this, how ‘bout we honor Coach with the simplicity of the nickname by which he is affectionately known and just make it...“Joe Pa Stadium”. Geez!
USC sent back its copy of Reggie Bush’s Heisman Trophy to the Downtown Athletic Club. Kim Kardashian said in an interview with People magazine that it was wrong that Southern California did so. (We also heard she has San Jose State in her preseason Top 25)!
On the diamond...if a certain American Idol wanna-be hits a ball that bounces off the playing field in fair territory and into the stands, is it ruled a Pants-on-the-Ground-rule double???!!!
World (hic)Cup Part I-BP had to recall its brand of face paint during the soccer competition after some children experienced health difficulties upon applying it. Unfortunately, trying to rectify the situation by having engineers shove mud, cement and golfballs down the kiddies’ throats first did not help the cause! Maybe we shoulda’ filled the damaged well with vuvuzela horns. The sound alone woulda’ caused the oil to shut itself off and run away, and the resulting vacuum woulda’ siphoned off the remaining surface oil! In a tweet at halftime of North Korea’s 7-0 loss to Portugal, a reporter (right before being hauled off to Pyongpang to become a political prisoner) quoted the North Korean coach as telling his squad...”You’re playing like Betty White out there!” One of the players responded, “That’s not what Kim Jong Il’s girlfriend said!” The North Koreans subsequently played the rest of the game a man-down. (Come to think of it...the aforementioned player never did check-in for the team’s flight home!).
Your humble host couldn’t decide whether to have William Hung sing “One Shining Moment” to kick-off the new season of Vindy’s Picks or have Jack Nicholson croon “One ‘The Shining’ Moment” in recognition of the horrors yet-to-come!
Vindy’s Week 1 Best Bets: Last Season: 32-32 (.500) Last Week: 0-0 (.000) Season: 0-0 (.000)
Northern Illinois +3 ½ over IOWA STATE, Connecticut +3 over MICHGAN, Syracuse -8 ½ over AKRON, Bowling Green +14 over TROY, Memphis +21 over MISSISSIPPI STATE
BTW...Vindy’s a PC...and Windows 7...was his idea!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Vindy's 2009-10 Bowl Recap
SCOUTS ADOPT SURPRISING RECRUITMENT STRATEGY
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (MSNBC)....”Vegas, Baby!” was the rally cry from a gathering of several thousand scoutmasters after they solidified plans to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Boys Scouts of America in sportsbooks up-and-down the Las Vegas Strip in early February 2010. From Tenderfoot to Eagle Scout, the ranks of the famous entity descended upon Sin City to help map out its strategy to bolster a diminishing membership that has been plagued by scandals, questionable data records (editor’s note: we always knew the Scouts were involved in that whole “global warming” thing!) and policies that omitted applicants based on sexual orientation and religious views (or lack thereof). Organizers said they need to meet today’s high-tech-wielding youth, that flashes cell-phones and responds to talk of building campfires and tying knots with “there’s an app for that”, on its own ground and hope to lure young college basketball fans with big screen TVs and cocktail servers in referee outfits, acknowledging that “sportsmanship’s no longer about winning or losing, it’s about which team makes free throws and field goals in the final seconds to beat da’ spread”. Thinking outside the box of Girl Scout cookies even more, event planners expect to teach first aid courses involving use of the parlay card as a field-expedient tourniquet!
Meanwhile, some 327 miles to the northwest (as the crow flies), in Carson City, with bowl season marching on, Nevada governor Jim Gibbons and ex-wife Dawn agreed to terms of their divorce. She got... the dough ($275K), da’ Van Gogh (art collection) and da’ auto (a 1915 Model T). He got....da’ rooms (the Governor’s Mansion), da’ booms (gun collection) and da’ glooms...of....
THE WEBER KID’S 09-10 BOWL RECAP
Our hero opened 4-2 thru the first six-pack of bowls, but would then drop 8 of the next 10 (Vindy claims then-Texas Tech coach Mike Leach had him locked in a dark electrical closet [that’s our excuse, and we’re stickin’ to it!]) to fall to 6-10, including the first game on New Year’s Eve...USAF’s upset of Houston...just one of ten outright dog victories in the first 16 games. New Year’s Eve brought about a rare blue moon (once every two-and-a-half years, and on New Year’s Eve....once every 19 years...or about as often as the Weber Kid hits a three-team parlay bet!) and the Weber Kid would capture 3 of the 4 tilts before the ball dropped in Times Square to pull within two wins of .500 at 9-11. The new decade saw our forecaster put two of the first three, including the Nifty Lions’ 2-point triumph over LSU, in the win column and saw the dogs register spread wins for at least half of the 34 total bowls, with eleven games yet-to-be played, but New Year’s Day would offer no more comfort as Grill-Master Supreme Ohio State and Florida would hang another pair of forecast losses on the beleaguered oracle. Vindicator even pulled even at 15-15, finishing January 2nd with a four-game win-streak, with four games to be played. Boise’s Fiesta Bowl upset win put Vindy back-in-black for first time since the tally read “Weber Kid 4 Bookies 3" on December 26. January 2nd also saw Vindicator complete the second leg of a two bet parlay, pulling in the “under” 52 for the Connecticut-South Carolina game after also getting the “under” 62 for the Gator Bowl 24 hours earlier, in addition to correctly hitting ECU +7 ½ over Arkansas. Then what happened next... down in Hooville they say...well, Vindy’s heart wasn’t the only thing that grew three sizes that day! (Vindy also dunked on the much-bigger bookie....but NIKE confiscated THAT video too!). At 16-15 behind the Broncos victory, Weber needed just one of the final three games to go no worse than .500 for the bowl season, but the forecasting deities were cruel, permitting Iowa to beat Joja’ Tech outright and Troy to cover by a half-point in 2OT then momentarily toying with our protagonist at the three-minute mark of the BCS Title game, allowing the Texas Longhorns to rally behind a quarterback who probably hasn’t started growing armpit hair yet, to pull within 24-21 of the Tide, before crushing your host like an empty beer can on John Belushi’s forehead in Animal House and sending him to a substandard 16-18 final tally, finishing the season on an 0-3 spiral.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Had everything been in place just a bit sooner while football was still being played, the Scouts coulda’ had themselves a Jam-the-wide-receiver-Boree!
BTW, a Boy Scout in Las Vegas is...Trustworthy (don’t talk-up a team’s chances to cover the spread to friends while secretly-planning to bet the opposite side), Loyal (pledge allegiance to your team [but accept that betting against it sometimes is just good strategy and has nothing to do with loyalty]), Helpful (offer betting tips freely to those who are new to sports-gambling), Friendly (buy a round for members of other troops while watching the game!), Courteous (if you’re placing multiple bets, always let the person behind you who’s making a single wager go to the bookie first), Kind (always tip the cocktail waitress, especially if the drink was free), Obedient (adhere to signs posted in and around the sportsbook), Cheerful (root for the team you’re betting on), Thrifty (manage your bankroll wisely, don’t double your wagers after a loss), Brave (take the occasional chance on a live underdog to win outright), Clean (wash your lucky socks and luckier undies at least once a month during the season) and Reverent (it’s okay to say a prayer that the opposing team misses a FG or clanks a free-throw off the iron if it would preserve a spread win)!
A few days prior to the BYU-Oregon State tilt here in Sin City, we noted this headline in the local paper...”Palin to Speak to Bowling Group”. We don’t honestly know with which sideline she chatted, but we’ll guess it was the Cougars ‘cause the former Alaska governor was last spotted hunting Beaver (yeah, yeah....insert your own joke here!) with a shotgun from inside a wind-blown helicopter, hovering over Sam Boyd Stadium!
Capt. Chesley Sullenberger was the grand marshal for the 121st Tournament of Roses parade. The hero pilot kicked off this year’s event by safely landing a jumbo jet, made entirely of the red flowers in question and other natural ingredients, on the Los Angeles River!
On December 26, Urban Meyer stepped down as coach of the Gators. A day later, he said he was taking an indefinite leave of absence and could return. Clinicians call this “Brett Favre Syndrome”! In fact, Vindy has $20 that says Meyer opens the 2010 football season wearing a head-set on the sidelines...of the Minnesota Vikings!
The new athletic director at University of Michigan is Domino’s Pizza CEO, David Brandon, who also played a little ball for Big Blue back in the day. Commensurate with that move, the Wolverines team colors will now be red and blue rather than maize and blue, and Michigan must deliver its victories within 30 minutes or less...or tickets are free!
Last month’s ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag wrote “(Syracuse QB) Greg Paulus does color for Syracuse women’s team”. Does he do the make-up as well. We didn’t know the former Blue Devil hoopster minored in cosmo at Duke (or maybe he was a “beauty school drop-out”!).
Hack-a-MAC??? The mighty MAC dropped eleven straight bowl games (straight up) coming in to this season and promptly lost three more before the Chippewas of Central Michigan finally edged the Fun Belt’s Troy...in extra frames! Elsewhere, the Mountain Best went 4-1 SU/ATS (.800), tops among any conference that played more than one bowl. And how ‘bout the Big Tenement???!!! 4-3 SU/ATS (and nearly had a 5th SU win, but Northwestern fell in overtime to Auburn).
The Russians are thinking about sending up a spacecraft to bump asteroid Apophis off its course to avoid any collision with the Earth. We have a cheaper, more reliable solution...use a high-powered spotlight to project an Ohio State logo on it and have Vindicator place a wager on that rock to hit the planet! Guaranteed miss!
Bizarre random thought....Beavis & Butthead meets Stephen King Meets Nebraska football: “I am Children of the Cornholio. I need TD for my bunghole!” (Yep...just more evidence of the ever-present psychosis that underlies creative genius!)
ESPN reported folks at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver will provide 100,000 condoms to athletes and officials. Just “athletes and officials”???!! So coaches and other team staffers are SOL (“sh*t outta’ latex”) or what???!!! Do those persons accepting the condoms have to let a panel of judges watch and provide scores after the fact based on technical proficiency and degree of difficulty? Mandatory two-tenths deductions for omitting part of the routine or for turning a triple jump into a simple double! Will there be qualifying heats and medal events? Team, individual and synchronized events? Gives a whole new meaning to “bi-athlon”, dontcha’ think???!!! Will they come packaged as five interlocking rings? Will they bear the flags of the participating countries? If so, athletes would at least have something to swap among themselves besides hats and cloisonne pins! Properly marketed, Vancouver could recoup any potential gaps in cost for hosting the Games. Give them free to the athletes and officials, but sell them to the general public. How ‘bout randomly inserting autographed or other commemorative condoms into packs? Inspire additional interest by noting “Collect all 96 nations"!
Black Shirt: The valuable undergarment for the post-season goes to Penn State tight end Andrew Quarles for drawing an illegal shift flag that would force Penn State to kick the winning field goal instead of going for a potential spread-covering touchdown with about a minute left in the Capital One Bowl. Honorable mention to PSU teammate punter Jeremy Boone, who kept kicking punts into the end zone for touchbacks rather than pinning the Bengals deep in their own territory.
“Locked in a Box?”: Poor tackling and unimpressive pass D in the first half by Ohio allowed Marshall to take a three-touchdown lead, from which the Bobcats could not recover, handing Vindy his second lock-of-da-bowls loss in as many years and ending the season record at 5-10 (.333).
Shoppe Talk: No newsflash here as the Buckeyes (3-10) stuck it to Vindy again! Fellow “flame-throwers” Nebraska (3-6) and LSU (5-8) however, posted forecast wins. Meanwhile, Weber-Friendlies Boise State (11-2), TCU (9-3), Ole Miss (6-2) and Joja’ (6-2) put games in the win column, with only ‘Bama (8-5) hosing our hero.
Vindy’s Best Bets: Bowls: 5-1 Season: 32-32 (.500) (Even including a blown lock choice, 5-2 for preferred picks ain’t too bad at 71.4%!!!!)
LEFTOVER HASH: (Vindy conducts the annual emptying of the clip by offering stuff that was available but didn’t find its way into the forecast earlier this season)
JoePa became a millionaire in 2008...and still had two of his three lifelines available!
After almost 151 years of being shrouded in mystery, the legendary Civil War message written in Abe Lincoln’s pocket watch was finally revealed in 2009. The inscription read, “Keep an eye on that freshman kid...Paterno. He could be a great coach someday!”
The “Shaq VS.” reality TV show, reminiscent of the old “Bo Knows...” commercials, in which Shaquille O’Neal takes on other athletic stars in their chosen professions, premiered last year. Episodes will include the NBA star competing against Steelers’ QB Ben Roethlisberger in the Hail Mary TD Pass competition. (Yo Big Ben...lock in a victory by constructing a giant basketball net over the end zone and painting the line of scrimmage to look like an NBA charity stripe. We guarantee you...every throw Shaq launches will “doink” off the uprights and away from the intended receiver!). A few match-ups Vindicator would like to see...Shaq vs. Bruce Jenner in the decathlon, vs. Lance Armstrong in Tour De France legs, vs. Roger Federer in tennis, vs. Tony Hawk in skateboarding and of course, vs. Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in...table tennis! How ‘bout versus Sidney Crosby in goal-scoring/penalty shots or vs. Martin Brodeur et al in stopping shots! Maybe...versus Tonya Harding in figure-skating (armed with tire-irons) or an episode pitting Shaq-Mu against Olympic Fish-Boy Michael Phelps in the 50-meter waterpipe!
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton became visibly incensed when an interpreter blew the translation of a question from a Congolese university student asking her about Obama’s opinion on a international financial issue. The interpreter actually queried Hillary about her husband Bill Clinton’s opinion instead. Just to annoy her, Vindy asked her what Bill’s thoughts were on Arkansas’ chances of covering the line vs. East Carolina in the Liberty Bowl!
Commensurate with the Governator’s current budget scheme, the football teams of Cal, UCLA and USC wrote IOUs to their respective alumni associations for touchdowns and wins!
If late-season or tournament wins by basketball teams from the smaller conferences led to mob arrests, would they be considered racket-busters?! If those same clubs crashed BBQ parties in Texas featuring smoked meat, would they be brisket-busters???!! If the women’s teams did likewise, would they be...bracelet-busters???!!!
We think the MLB All-Star game, every four years, should be based on players from red states vs. those from blue states, with the winning side securing home-field advantage for its respective party during that November’s presidential election!
A San Francisco art gallery displayed a nude photo of Joe DiMaggio. Hmmm...what were those Simon & Garfunkel song lyrics again?...”Where have your clothes gone, Joe DiMaggio. Our nation turns its lonely eyes from you.”
Local Vegas product 16-year-old Bryce Harper passed up his Junior and Senior seasons of (GASP!)....high school...to pitch for the College of Southern Nevada. Vindy’s predicting the following numbers for the young man...Wins? 15. ERA? 2.56. WHIP? 1.39. GED?...0.00!!!!!
The AP ran an article in late June 09 entitled...”Mormon cricket season expected to mirror 2008". Vin didn’t know the folks at BYU fielded a team akin to England’s version of baseball!
Titans RB LenDale White attributed his 30-pound weight loss to abstinence from tequila. No word, however, if the worms at the bottom of each bottle were also spared!
With all the chatter about health care reform, we just wanna’ know who’s gonna’ sit on the sudden-death panels that decide the outcome of football and hockey games that go into OT!!
We congratulate Brett Favre on gettin’ his new club to the playoffs (following his July retirement and August un-retirement) and no one will ever question the talent and heart, but if ya wanna’ continue to impress us, Brett, show off the accuracy and arm-strength by casting the fishing lure 60 yards down-lake between two defending game wardens with two minutes left in the trout season! When it comes to retirement, “#4 in purple” audibles more than Peyton Manning facing a potential blitz!
Kodak has retired “Kodachrome”. Not sure exactly which jersey number got hung from the rafters, but Vindy’s spies suggest Kodachrome is considering un-retiring to hit the field and take pictures for the Jets or the Vikes!
Dolphins DE Randy Starks was arrested in May for pushing a police officer with a slow-moving truck. In five NFL seasons, he has 13 ½ sacks (14 ½ if the cop in question never crossed the white line of scrimmage!)
Prosecutors and defense attorneys quibbled this summer over flight risks if OJ Simpson is released from prison pending his appeal on charges of robbery and kidnapping. Please...like the black watch-cap, Akita on a leash and poorly-fitting gloves don’t make the former USC/Buffalo star running back highly-recognizable, we don’t what does!
Former NFL QB Ryan Leaf was arrested on charges of burglary and drug-smuggling while trying to cross the U.S.-Canada border. Geez, the guy’s been outta’ the NFL for several years and he’s still being intercepted!
Two years from now, Toyota will make a plug-in version of its Prius hybrid available for sale. In related news, to improve their offense, the Detroit Lions will begin fielding players on plastic sled-like bases while officials run a current thru the gridiron a la the Coleco Electric Football game of the 1960's!
Lou Holtz briefly contemplated a run for Congress in Florida before ultimately passing on the idea. Bummer! Given Lou’s track record, Congress was hoping to make its first-ever post-season appearance by the end of the NCAA Hall of Fame coach’s second year!
While crashing San Diego’s Comic-Con 2009, Johnny Depp encountered the Vindicator and, quoting his “Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” co-star Jack Davenport, quipped....”You are, without a doubt, the worst forecaster I’ve ever heard of.” To which the Weber Kid replied, “Ahhhh, but you have heard of me!”
Already on our wish list for next Christmas....Wii sports-betting...use the parlay card joystick and saunter up to the virtual bookie of your choice behind the counter...winsome blonde, old geezer, gentleman in dark trench-coat with heavy New Jersey accent, etc. and place your wager!
Amazon erased George Orwell’s “1984" and “Animal Farm” (an epic story about the yearly clash between South Carolina’s Fightin’ Gamecocks and the Arkansas Sooooeeeeey Pigs) from KINDLE. Amazon said it “dropped them down the ‘memory hole’”. U.S Internet copyrights to 1984 won’t expire until 2044, but they’re already toast in other countries, like Russia. Websites in the Communist country do, however, still offer free digital copies of the classic, as well as access to your fab oracle’s weekly forecast under the label, “Vindicov’s Picks!”
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen turned out to be the top-grossing flick of 2009. For those who’ve forgotten the commercial that included a promo for that blockbuster, it went something like this...
Autobot: Decepticon!....
Vindicator: My forecast?! No...Vindy’s Picks!....with Between the Hashmarks, Black Shirt and Best Bets.Autobot: NO! Decepticon!
In June, WGN reporter Pat Tomasulo brought shame upon himself by dunking on and taunting a five-year-old on the air. We think there’s potential for a Priceline.com spoof featuring Tomasulo himself, or Bill Shatner, hurling insults at a young child as the kid attempts to make reservations on-line!
The NASCAR Café at the local Sahara casino offers customers the opportunity to go mano-a-mano with a burrito that measures two-feet long and tips the scales at six pounds. With a $20 wager, customers can polish it off to get their Jackson back and a lifetime free pass on the casino’s rollercoaster. The burrito’s record? 274-4. Several colleges have actually recruited the Mexican dish at a variety of skill positions! In fact, it’s expected to go high first-round if it ever entered the NFL draft!
Three-time Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt admitted he tried marijuana as a kid. We’re thinkin’ he also set the world-record for fastest munchies run. Anybody else out there notice the first three letters of the sprinter’s first name are “U-S-A”???!!!
Stimulus package proposals were prohibited from funding recreational projects, such as golf courses, aquariums, museums and zoos. First of all, we don’t play or watch grown men smack and chase little white balls on heavily-manicured lawns. Second, goldfish need nothing more than a Dixie cup full of water to survive and third, tourists visiting the mob museum in Vegas simply become marine-life habitats at the bottom of Lake Mead or exit ramps on I-15. But a small cage-like facility, to house the dart-throwing chimps and dice-rolling ferrets that help Vindy make his weekly picks (especially for the bowls), would really be useful!
The USPS increased postage from 42 cents to 44 cents for first-class postage in May 09, not likely because Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, but he could’ve been honored with a stamp. Other famous 44s we would’ve liked adhered to our mail?...Baseball’s Reggie Jackson, Tom Hanks as Crimson Tide player Forrest Gump, NHL goon Todd Bertuzzi, Vicks Formula and Dirty Harry’s preferred weapon of choice!
End-of-the-season specials at Vindy’s Bet & Breakfast this week include: “The Blitz”: Forces another member of your party to pick-up a blitzing waiter while you hurriedly eat your meal or pass it to another customer running across the middle of the restaurant! “Disguised Coverage”: Eleven waiters creep up on your table, showing “The Blitz”, but then jump back to cover the kitchen as the meal is actually delivered! “Halftime”: ya gotta’ get up and go get it yourself (nachos, hotdog and a beer), but its accompanied by a marching band and majorettes and requires a mandatory run to the potty before re-taking your seat! In a hurry? Place your bet, then order “Eight in the Box”...an octet of your fave items in a decorative to-go package! “Phyllo-dough-phia”: light, flaky baklava-like dessert pastry made in the shape of an Eagle (or an owl for the Temple fans!). Prime Cut-Block- beef dish cooked-to-order, but legally served at customer’s feet! And...the Post-Season Cereal Bowl...available in any of 34 possible choices, but the ones with roses, oranges or sugar are extra!
If a jockey draws an offsides flag for mounting his steed too soon, did he run unabated to the quarterhorse?
Until next August, we leave our readers with the traditional Irish blessing...”May the road dog rise up to beat you.” (Something like that!)
Vindicator now heads out to test some of his troop members for their sports-handicapping merit badge, then its off to the local Internet cafe to teach them a few marksmanship skills with Halo and Call of Duty! See ya!
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (MSNBC)....”Vegas, Baby!” was the rally cry from a gathering of several thousand scoutmasters after they solidified plans to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Boys Scouts of America in sportsbooks up-and-down the Las Vegas Strip in early February 2010. From Tenderfoot to Eagle Scout, the ranks of the famous entity descended upon Sin City to help map out its strategy to bolster a diminishing membership that has been plagued by scandals, questionable data records (editor’s note: we always knew the Scouts were involved in that whole “global warming” thing!) and policies that omitted applicants based on sexual orientation and religious views (or lack thereof). Organizers said they need to meet today’s high-tech-wielding youth, that flashes cell-phones and responds to talk of building campfires and tying knots with “there’s an app for that”, on its own ground and hope to lure young college basketball fans with big screen TVs and cocktail servers in referee outfits, acknowledging that “sportsmanship’s no longer about winning or losing, it’s about which team makes free throws and field goals in the final seconds to beat da’ spread”. Thinking outside the box of Girl Scout cookies even more, event planners expect to teach first aid courses involving use of the parlay card as a field-expedient tourniquet!
Meanwhile, some 327 miles to the northwest (as the crow flies), in Carson City, with bowl season marching on, Nevada governor Jim Gibbons and ex-wife Dawn agreed to terms of their divorce. She got... the dough ($275K), da’ Van Gogh (art collection) and da’ auto (a 1915 Model T). He got....da’ rooms (the Governor’s Mansion), da’ booms (gun collection) and da’ glooms...of....
THE WEBER KID’S 09-10 BOWL RECAP
Our hero opened 4-2 thru the first six-pack of bowls, but would then drop 8 of the next 10 (Vindy claims then-Texas Tech coach Mike Leach had him locked in a dark electrical closet [that’s our excuse, and we’re stickin’ to it!]) to fall to 6-10, including the first game on New Year’s Eve...USAF’s upset of Houston...just one of ten outright dog victories in the first 16 games. New Year’s Eve brought about a rare blue moon (once every two-and-a-half years, and on New Year’s Eve....once every 19 years...or about as often as the Weber Kid hits a three-team parlay bet!) and the Weber Kid would capture 3 of the 4 tilts before the ball dropped in Times Square to pull within two wins of .500 at 9-11. The new decade saw our forecaster put two of the first three, including the Nifty Lions’ 2-point triumph over LSU, in the win column and saw the dogs register spread wins for at least half of the 34 total bowls, with eleven games yet-to-be played, but New Year’s Day would offer no more comfort as Grill-Master Supreme Ohio State and Florida would hang another pair of forecast losses on the beleaguered oracle. Vindicator even pulled even at 15-15, finishing January 2nd with a four-game win-streak, with four games to be played. Boise’s Fiesta Bowl upset win put Vindy back-in-black for first time since the tally read “Weber Kid 4 Bookies 3" on December 26. January 2nd also saw Vindicator complete the second leg of a two bet parlay, pulling in the “under” 52 for the Connecticut-South Carolina game after also getting the “under” 62 for the Gator Bowl 24 hours earlier, in addition to correctly hitting ECU +7 ½ over Arkansas. Then what happened next... down in Hooville they say...well, Vindy’s heart wasn’t the only thing that grew three sizes that day! (Vindy also dunked on the much-bigger bookie....but NIKE confiscated THAT video too!). At 16-15 behind the Broncos victory, Weber needed just one of the final three games to go no worse than .500 for the bowl season, but the forecasting deities were cruel, permitting Iowa to beat Joja’ Tech outright and Troy to cover by a half-point in 2OT then momentarily toying with our protagonist at the three-minute mark of the BCS Title game, allowing the Texas Longhorns to rally behind a quarterback who probably hasn’t started growing armpit hair yet, to pull within 24-21 of the Tide, before crushing your host like an empty beer can on John Belushi’s forehead in Animal House and sending him to a substandard 16-18 final tally, finishing the season on an 0-3 spiral.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Had everything been in place just a bit sooner while football was still being played, the Scouts coulda’ had themselves a Jam-the-wide-receiver-Boree!
BTW, a Boy Scout in Las Vegas is...Trustworthy (don’t talk-up a team’s chances to cover the spread to friends while secretly-planning to bet the opposite side), Loyal (pledge allegiance to your team [but accept that betting against it sometimes is just good strategy and has nothing to do with loyalty]), Helpful (offer betting tips freely to those who are new to sports-gambling), Friendly (buy a round for members of other troops while watching the game!), Courteous (if you’re placing multiple bets, always let the person behind you who’s making a single wager go to the bookie first), Kind (always tip the cocktail waitress, especially if the drink was free), Obedient (adhere to signs posted in and around the sportsbook), Cheerful (root for the team you’re betting on), Thrifty (manage your bankroll wisely, don’t double your wagers after a loss), Brave (take the occasional chance on a live underdog to win outright), Clean (wash your lucky socks and luckier undies at least once a month during the season) and Reverent (it’s okay to say a prayer that the opposing team misses a FG or clanks a free-throw off the iron if it would preserve a spread win)!
A few days prior to the BYU-Oregon State tilt here in Sin City, we noted this headline in the local paper...”Palin to Speak to Bowling Group”. We don’t honestly know with which sideline she chatted, but we’ll guess it was the Cougars ‘cause the former Alaska governor was last spotted hunting Beaver (yeah, yeah....insert your own joke here!) with a shotgun from inside a wind-blown helicopter, hovering over Sam Boyd Stadium!
Capt. Chesley Sullenberger was the grand marshal for the 121st Tournament of Roses parade. The hero pilot kicked off this year’s event by safely landing a jumbo jet, made entirely of the red flowers in question and other natural ingredients, on the Los Angeles River!
On December 26, Urban Meyer stepped down as coach of the Gators. A day later, he said he was taking an indefinite leave of absence and could return. Clinicians call this “Brett Favre Syndrome”! In fact, Vindy has $20 that says Meyer opens the 2010 football season wearing a head-set on the sidelines...of the Minnesota Vikings!
The new athletic director at University of Michigan is Domino’s Pizza CEO, David Brandon, who also played a little ball for Big Blue back in the day. Commensurate with that move, the Wolverines team colors will now be red and blue rather than maize and blue, and Michigan must deliver its victories within 30 minutes or less...or tickets are free!
Last month’s ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag wrote “(Syracuse QB) Greg Paulus does color for Syracuse women’s team”. Does he do the make-up as well. We didn’t know the former Blue Devil hoopster minored in cosmo at Duke (or maybe he was a “beauty school drop-out”!).
Hack-a-MAC??? The mighty MAC dropped eleven straight bowl games (straight up) coming in to this season and promptly lost three more before the Chippewas of Central Michigan finally edged the Fun Belt’s Troy...in extra frames! Elsewhere, the Mountain Best went 4-1 SU/ATS (.800), tops among any conference that played more than one bowl. And how ‘bout the Big Tenement???!!! 4-3 SU/ATS (and nearly had a 5th SU win, but Northwestern fell in overtime to Auburn).
The Russians are thinking about sending up a spacecraft to bump asteroid Apophis off its course to avoid any collision with the Earth. We have a cheaper, more reliable solution...use a high-powered spotlight to project an Ohio State logo on it and have Vindicator place a wager on that rock to hit the planet! Guaranteed miss!
Bizarre random thought....Beavis & Butthead meets Stephen King Meets Nebraska football: “I am Children of the Cornholio. I need TD for my bunghole!” (Yep...just more evidence of the ever-present psychosis that underlies creative genius!)
ESPN reported folks at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver will provide 100,000 condoms to athletes and officials. Just “athletes and officials”???!! So coaches and other team staffers are SOL (“sh*t outta’ latex”) or what???!!! Do those persons accepting the condoms have to let a panel of judges watch and provide scores after the fact based on technical proficiency and degree of difficulty? Mandatory two-tenths deductions for omitting part of the routine or for turning a triple jump into a simple double! Will there be qualifying heats and medal events? Team, individual and synchronized events? Gives a whole new meaning to “bi-athlon”, dontcha’ think???!!! Will they come packaged as five interlocking rings? Will they bear the flags of the participating countries? If so, athletes would at least have something to swap among themselves besides hats and cloisonne pins! Properly marketed, Vancouver could recoup any potential gaps in cost for hosting the Games. Give them free to the athletes and officials, but sell them to the general public. How ‘bout randomly inserting autographed or other commemorative condoms into packs? Inspire additional interest by noting “Collect all 96 nations"!
Black Shirt: The valuable undergarment for the post-season goes to Penn State tight end Andrew Quarles for drawing an illegal shift flag that would force Penn State to kick the winning field goal instead of going for a potential spread-covering touchdown with about a minute left in the Capital One Bowl. Honorable mention to PSU teammate punter Jeremy Boone, who kept kicking punts into the end zone for touchbacks rather than pinning the Bengals deep in their own territory.
“Locked in a Box?”: Poor tackling and unimpressive pass D in the first half by Ohio allowed Marshall to take a three-touchdown lead, from which the Bobcats could not recover, handing Vindy his second lock-of-da-bowls loss in as many years and ending the season record at 5-10 (.333).
Shoppe Talk: No newsflash here as the Buckeyes (3-10) stuck it to Vindy again! Fellow “flame-throwers” Nebraska (3-6) and LSU (5-8) however, posted forecast wins. Meanwhile, Weber-Friendlies Boise State (11-2), TCU (9-3), Ole Miss (6-2) and Joja’ (6-2) put games in the win column, with only ‘Bama (8-5) hosing our hero.
Vindy’s Best Bets: Bowls: 5-1 Season: 32-32 (.500) (Even including a blown lock choice, 5-2 for preferred picks ain’t too bad at 71.4%!!!!)
LEFTOVER HASH: (Vindy conducts the annual emptying of the clip by offering stuff that was available but didn’t find its way into the forecast earlier this season)
JoePa became a millionaire in 2008...and still had two of his three lifelines available!
After almost 151 years of being shrouded in mystery, the legendary Civil War message written in Abe Lincoln’s pocket watch was finally revealed in 2009. The inscription read, “Keep an eye on that freshman kid...Paterno. He could be a great coach someday!”
The “Shaq VS.” reality TV show, reminiscent of the old “Bo Knows...” commercials, in which Shaquille O’Neal takes on other athletic stars in their chosen professions, premiered last year. Episodes will include the NBA star competing against Steelers’ QB Ben Roethlisberger in the Hail Mary TD Pass competition. (Yo Big Ben...lock in a victory by constructing a giant basketball net over the end zone and painting the line of scrimmage to look like an NBA charity stripe. We guarantee you...every throw Shaq launches will “doink” off the uprights and away from the intended receiver!). A few match-ups Vindicator would like to see...Shaq vs. Bruce Jenner in the decathlon, vs. Lance Armstrong in Tour De France legs, vs. Roger Federer in tennis, vs. Tony Hawk in skateboarding and of course, vs. Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in...table tennis! How ‘bout versus Sidney Crosby in goal-scoring/penalty shots or vs. Martin Brodeur et al in stopping shots! Maybe...versus Tonya Harding in figure-skating (armed with tire-irons) or an episode pitting Shaq-Mu against Olympic Fish-Boy Michael Phelps in the 50-meter waterpipe!
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton became visibly incensed when an interpreter blew the translation of a question from a Congolese university student asking her about Obama’s opinion on a international financial issue. The interpreter actually queried Hillary about her husband Bill Clinton’s opinion instead. Just to annoy her, Vindy asked her what Bill’s thoughts were on Arkansas’ chances of covering the line vs. East Carolina in the Liberty Bowl!
Commensurate with the Governator’s current budget scheme, the football teams of Cal, UCLA and USC wrote IOUs to their respective alumni associations for touchdowns and wins!
If late-season or tournament wins by basketball teams from the smaller conferences led to mob arrests, would they be considered racket-busters?! If those same clubs crashed BBQ parties in Texas featuring smoked meat, would they be brisket-busters???!! If the women’s teams did likewise, would they be...bracelet-busters???!!!
We think the MLB All-Star game, every four years, should be based on players from red states vs. those from blue states, with the winning side securing home-field advantage for its respective party during that November’s presidential election!
A San Francisco art gallery displayed a nude photo of Joe DiMaggio. Hmmm...what were those Simon & Garfunkel song lyrics again?...”Where have your clothes gone, Joe DiMaggio. Our nation turns its lonely eyes from you.”
Local Vegas product 16-year-old Bryce Harper passed up his Junior and Senior seasons of (GASP!)....high school...to pitch for the College of Southern Nevada. Vindy’s predicting the following numbers for the young man...Wins? 15. ERA? 2.56. WHIP? 1.39. GED?...0.00!!!!!
The AP ran an article in late June 09 entitled...”Mormon cricket season expected to mirror 2008". Vin didn’t know the folks at BYU fielded a team akin to England’s version of baseball!
Titans RB LenDale White attributed his 30-pound weight loss to abstinence from tequila. No word, however, if the worms at the bottom of each bottle were also spared!
With all the chatter about health care reform, we just wanna’ know who’s gonna’ sit on the sudden-death panels that decide the outcome of football and hockey games that go into OT!!
We congratulate Brett Favre on gettin’ his new club to the playoffs (following his July retirement and August un-retirement) and no one will ever question the talent and heart, but if ya wanna’ continue to impress us, Brett, show off the accuracy and arm-strength by casting the fishing lure 60 yards down-lake between two defending game wardens with two minutes left in the trout season! When it comes to retirement, “#4 in purple” audibles more than Peyton Manning facing a potential blitz!
Kodak has retired “Kodachrome”. Not sure exactly which jersey number got hung from the rafters, but Vindy’s spies suggest Kodachrome is considering un-retiring to hit the field and take pictures for the Jets or the Vikes!
Dolphins DE Randy Starks was arrested in May for pushing a police officer with a slow-moving truck. In five NFL seasons, he has 13 ½ sacks (14 ½ if the cop in question never crossed the white line of scrimmage!)
Prosecutors and defense attorneys quibbled this summer over flight risks if OJ Simpson is released from prison pending his appeal on charges of robbery and kidnapping. Please...like the black watch-cap, Akita on a leash and poorly-fitting gloves don’t make the former USC/Buffalo star running back highly-recognizable, we don’t what does!
Former NFL QB Ryan Leaf was arrested on charges of burglary and drug-smuggling while trying to cross the U.S.-Canada border. Geez, the guy’s been outta’ the NFL for several years and he’s still being intercepted!
Two years from now, Toyota will make a plug-in version of its Prius hybrid available for sale. In related news, to improve their offense, the Detroit Lions will begin fielding players on plastic sled-like bases while officials run a current thru the gridiron a la the Coleco Electric Football game of the 1960's!
Lou Holtz briefly contemplated a run for Congress in Florida before ultimately passing on the idea. Bummer! Given Lou’s track record, Congress was hoping to make its first-ever post-season appearance by the end of the NCAA Hall of Fame coach’s second year!
While crashing San Diego’s Comic-Con 2009, Johnny Depp encountered the Vindicator and, quoting his “Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” co-star Jack Davenport, quipped....”You are, without a doubt, the worst forecaster I’ve ever heard of.” To which the Weber Kid replied, “Ahhhh, but you have heard of me!”
Already on our wish list for next Christmas....Wii sports-betting...use the parlay card joystick and saunter up to the virtual bookie of your choice behind the counter...winsome blonde, old geezer, gentleman in dark trench-coat with heavy New Jersey accent, etc. and place your wager!
Amazon erased George Orwell’s “1984" and “Animal Farm” (an epic story about the yearly clash between South Carolina’s Fightin’ Gamecocks and the Arkansas Sooooeeeeey Pigs) from KINDLE. Amazon said it “dropped them down the ‘memory hole’”. U.S Internet copyrights to 1984 won’t expire until 2044, but they’re already toast in other countries, like Russia. Websites in the Communist country do, however, still offer free digital copies of the classic, as well as access to your fab oracle’s weekly forecast under the label, “Vindicov’s Picks!”
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen turned out to be the top-grossing flick of 2009. For those who’ve forgotten the commercial that included a promo for that blockbuster, it went something like this...
Autobot: Decepticon!....
Vindicator: My forecast?! No...Vindy’s Picks!....with Between the Hashmarks, Black Shirt and Best Bets.Autobot: NO! Decepticon!
In June, WGN reporter Pat Tomasulo brought shame upon himself by dunking on and taunting a five-year-old on the air. We think there’s potential for a Priceline.com spoof featuring Tomasulo himself, or Bill Shatner, hurling insults at a young child as the kid attempts to make reservations on-line!
The NASCAR Café at the local Sahara casino offers customers the opportunity to go mano-a-mano with a burrito that measures two-feet long and tips the scales at six pounds. With a $20 wager, customers can polish it off to get their Jackson back and a lifetime free pass on the casino’s rollercoaster. The burrito’s record? 274-4. Several colleges have actually recruited the Mexican dish at a variety of skill positions! In fact, it’s expected to go high first-round if it ever entered the NFL draft!
Three-time Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt admitted he tried marijuana as a kid. We’re thinkin’ he also set the world-record for fastest munchies run. Anybody else out there notice the first three letters of the sprinter’s first name are “U-S-A”???!!!
Stimulus package proposals were prohibited from funding recreational projects, such as golf courses, aquariums, museums and zoos. First of all, we don’t play or watch grown men smack and chase little white balls on heavily-manicured lawns. Second, goldfish need nothing more than a Dixie cup full of water to survive and third, tourists visiting the mob museum in Vegas simply become marine-life habitats at the bottom of Lake Mead or exit ramps on I-15. But a small cage-like facility, to house the dart-throwing chimps and dice-rolling ferrets that help Vindy make his weekly picks (especially for the bowls), would really be useful!
The USPS increased postage from 42 cents to 44 cents for first-class postage in May 09, not likely because Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, but he could’ve been honored with a stamp. Other famous 44s we would’ve liked adhered to our mail?...Baseball’s Reggie Jackson, Tom Hanks as Crimson Tide player Forrest Gump, NHL goon Todd Bertuzzi, Vicks Formula and Dirty Harry’s preferred weapon of choice!
End-of-the-season specials at Vindy’s Bet & Breakfast this week include: “The Blitz”: Forces another member of your party to pick-up a blitzing waiter while you hurriedly eat your meal or pass it to another customer running across the middle of the restaurant! “Disguised Coverage”: Eleven waiters creep up on your table, showing “The Blitz”, but then jump back to cover the kitchen as the meal is actually delivered! “Halftime”: ya gotta’ get up and go get it yourself (nachos, hotdog and a beer), but its accompanied by a marching band and majorettes and requires a mandatory run to the potty before re-taking your seat! In a hurry? Place your bet, then order “Eight in the Box”...an octet of your fave items in a decorative to-go package! “Phyllo-dough-phia”: light, flaky baklava-like dessert pastry made in the shape of an Eagle (or an owl for the Temple fans!). Prime Cut-Block- beef dish cooked-to-order, but legally served at customer’s feet! And...the Post-Season Cereal Bowl...available in any of 34 possible choices, but the ones with roses, oranges or sugar are extra!
If a jockey draws an offsides flag for mounting his steed too soon, did he run unabated to the quarterhorse?
Until next August, we leave our readers with the traditional Irish blessing...”May the road dog rise up to beat you.” (Something like that!)
Vindicator now heads out to test some of his troop members for their sports-handicapping merit badge, then its off to the local Internet cafe to teach them a few marksmanship skills with Halo and Call of Duty! See ya!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Vindy's 2009-10 Bowl Predictions: Part II
THE WEBER KID’S 2009-10 BOWL PREDICTIONS: PART II
(AP rankings; lines of December 23, over/under totals in parentheses)
JAN. 1
OUTBACK (@ Tampa, FL):
Northwestern over Auburn taking 7 ½ (54 ½): ‘Cats went 5-1 against the number as dogs this season and could post its second straight 9-win season with an upset. Tigers may have left all they had on the field after letting ‘Bama off the hook and may not be able to get up again for this one over a month later. While Auburn has increased its own points production, points-against are also up significantly from the 18 ppg last year. Tigers are run-heavy, while NW will go to the air. Auburn covered only 1 of 4 tries away from home, while Northwestern went 4-1 ATS outside of Evanston, including outright win over Iowa on the road...War Eagles 24 NW 21
CAPITAL ONE (@ Orlando, FL):
#13 LSU over #11 Penn State taking 2 ½ (44): Oh the shame! (Hmmmm....we opened last season’s USC-Penn State Rose Bowl pick with that same thought!). Lions buckled under the pressure applied by the two solid defenses they faced this year...Iowa and Ohio State. Bengals have been their own worst enemy and are a couple plays away from 11-1 and can bring the same kind of heat that could force PSU into mistakes. Can the Tigers (7-2 SU/ATS the last nine post-seasons) hold a nominal lead in what figures to be low-scoring game dominated by big defensive plays that directly account-for or set-up most, if not all, of the scoring...Bengals 17 Lions 16
KONICA MINOLTA GATOR (@ Jacksonville, FL):
West Virginia over Florida State giving 2 1/2 (60): The ‘Noles will do their utmost (we think!) to send Bobby Bowden out on a high note. Alas, it is not to be. Injuns, who could be more formidable next season, enter their 28th consecutive bowl game having covered five straight (3-2 SU, including a 30-18 victory over the Mounties in 2004), but equipped with the 107th-ranked rushing defense (allowing 5.3 yards per carry, 205 ypg and 24 rushing touchdowns) and have permitted one more point-against than points-scored on average per game. ‘Noles will throw, but against WVU team that allows just 52.5% completions and 19 passing scores against 17 interceptions. Best hope for State is that the ‘Eers commit turnovers (-6 ratio vs. non-conference teams)...West Virginia 28 FSU 19
ROSE Presented by CITI (@ Pasadena, CA):
#7 Oregon over #8 Ohio State giving 3 ½ (50 1/2): Nice to see a PAC-10 team other than USC here (“Let the joyous news be spread...The Trojans reign, at last, is dead!” ). But...Oh boy!... Jim Tressel and company get the opportunity to tank a fourth straight BCS bowl (though the Buckeyes have covered 5 of 8 bowl games under the coach, including 3-point defeat to Texas last year). State comes in with #4 total defense, allowing only 12.2 ppg, but faces monster Duck machine that puts up nearly 38 ppg and gets starting RB LeGarrette Blount back, with admirable back-up LaMichael James (#7 in total rushing yardage, 123 ypg, 14 TD) available on the bench. Mallards averaged three rushing touchdowns per game. Buckeyes did go 5-1 outright vs. six other bowl teams (losing only to USC). For those in the mood for something sweet, the menu at Vindy’s Bet & Breakfast will feature the Rose Bowl parade ice cream float...all organic ingredients, but, in a nod to the former sponsor, does require the customer to commit to a two-year phone-service contract with AT&T!....Quack Attack 38 Buckeyes 27
ALLSTATE SUGAR (@ N’awlins, Weeziana):
#4 Cincinnati over #5 Florida taking 10 ½ (57): Can Tim Team-Spirit and Coach Meyer rally the rest of the troops to focus vs. against a Bearkats team playing with the fury of the perceived betrayal by Coach Kelly’s defection to South Bend? The problem for UC has been a defense that faded from allowing 13 ppg thru the first eight to sleepwalking thru more than 36 ppg over the last four. Florida continued to win, but was never quite the same following Tebow’s concussion. Cincy has a perfect season on the line and will try to throw its way (#6 in total passing yardage, 320 ypg, 22 TD, 6 INT) to the upset. Nifty receiver Marty Gilyard also pulls double-duty, running back kicks, to the tune of almost 32 yards per return. ‘Kats have covered 8 of last 12 vs. ranked teams. Crocs on 19-5 ATS run against non-conference squads...Florida 39 Cincy 34
JAN. 2
INTERNATIONAL (@ Toronto, Canada):
Northern Illinois over South Florida taking 7 (49): UPSET ALERT. Hmmmm...Bulls going from balmy Tampa to the shadow of the Canadian National Tower in January. Woo-hoo. Can’t imagine a whole lotta’ fans in the stands for this one, but have to figure most of ‘em will side with the Huskies. NIU improved as a road dog again for the second straight year under second-year coach Jerry Kill and despite an 0-2 SU skid coming in (losing to MAC East champ Ohio and perennial conference powerhouse Central Michigan), we think the Dogs can hang with USF squad that dropped three of its last four regular season games and went 4-6 ATS overall. Bulls have good offensive balance. Will they use it? Huskies own the #18 rushing offense (203 ypg, better than two rushing scores per game).They’ll play in a dome, so field conditions will be good, but if it comes down to a late FG, Bulls only converted 52.6% of their three-point tries .. NIU 23 USF 20
AT&T COTTON (@ Dallas, TX):
Mississippi over #21 Oklahoma State giving 3 (50 ½): With Okie State welcoming the return of QB Zac Robinson, this has track-meet written all over it. State averages nearly 31 ppg, ditto Ole Miss. Special teams plays should be exciting as the Cowboys allow 25 yards per kick return, while the Fightin’ Magnolias allow 23 yards/return. Both teams like the ground game. Rebels have the better scoring defense (less than 19 ppg). State’s okay too at 22 ppg. OKSU got belted by the better teams it faced (Texas, Oklahoma and Houston). Rebels victims included Memphis, UAB and a pair of FCS teams. Mississippi has covered 9 of last 11 vs. ranked opponents. At 32:22 minutes/game, Oklahoma State was 4th in time of possession behind just ‘Bama, Navy and Wisconsin...Ole Mist 31 OKSU 23
PAPAJOHNS.COM (@ Birmingham, AL):
Connecticut over South Carolina taking 4 1/2 (51 1/2): The Poultry faced five ranked teams and covered against all of ‘em, losing by 10 to Florida and 14 to ‘Bama. Huskies faced three and covered against all of them. Neither team is likely to pass well here and while Connecticut ranks #91 in rushing yardage, it did score 29 touchdowns via the run. Carolina allows 3.8 ypc and gave up 15 scores. Neither team excels from the red zone. Huskies may still carry some emotion from loss of a teammate not long ago. UConn punter Desi Cullen was quoted as noting the new form-fitting unis were “almost like kicking naked”. Yep, can’t wait to see bowl security tackle a streaker that turns out to be said kicker running toward the tee (or whatever the place-kicker uses as a tee!). UConn covered all six road games (five in the dog role). Better ingredients. Better forecast. Vindy’s Picks...South Carolina 17 Huskies 16.
AUTOZONE LIBERTY(@ Memphis, TN):
East Carolina over Arkansas taking 7 ½ (63 ½): Pirates are in preferred role as significant underdogs and stifled Houston’s potent offense enough to pull the upset and win C-USA. ECU is just 1-2 SU heading into its fourth straight post-season, but toppled Boise State in 2007 Hawaii Bowl. Bucs come in on 4-game SU win streak and covered 7 of last 9. ‘Hogs also covered 7 of last 9, losing by 3 at Florida and in OT at LSU. Arkansas, however, has just one cover in last six bowls as chalk. Both teams have decent balance on offense and can light up the scoreboard. Both have return specialists that will make for exciting kickoffs and will potentially give both offenses good field position. ECU definitely worthy of a look on the money line in a shootout...Arkansas 38 ECU 34
VALERO ALAMO (@ San Antonio, TX):
Texas Tech over Michigan State giving 8 (60 ½): Suspensions for Michigan State here make valid statistical comparisons difficult at best. Sparty dropped 3 of last 5, stumbling into the post-season. We figure there’ll be a lot of reserves for State playing at game-speed, maybe for the first time and even at full-strength, MSU yielded 29 passing touchdowns while grabbing only five picks. The only thing that might slow Tech, the #2 pass offense behind only Houston, is a tendency to commit penalties, tying Arizona State for most yellow laundry dropped (111 flags!)... oh ...and Vindy’s inability to pick TTU correctly against the number (“Danger! Danger...Will Robinson!”)...Red Raiders 34 MSU 17
JAN. 4
TOSTITOS FIESTA (@ Glensdale, AZ):
#6 Boise State over #3 TCU taking 7 (55): We consider this the “BCS Has Got No Stones” Bowl (and we ain’t talkin’ about the absence of music by Jagger and the boys over the PA system!). We agree with the published comments of a few other folks who think the match-up here is a crock. With nothing but respect for both sides, America doesn’t give a flyin’ rat’s who the best BCS-buster is. We wanted to see each of the two teams wearing the “buster” label face-off vs. teams from the Big Six. The BCS, however, wants no part of that scenario with the possibility of one or both knocking off squads from the money conferences, giving those in favor of a playoff, or at least more availability of the BCS berths to the “little guys”, more ammo. By pitting Boise and TCU against each other, the bowl powers have ensured one less undefeated team will remain and that questions will go unanswered. The BCS would try to bamboozle you with such concepts as travel distance for fans from Ft. Worth and Boise, pairing of the third- and sixth-ranked teams, a match-up of undefeated clubs, yada yada. Either team vs. 12-0 Cincy would’ve gotten that undefeated match-up and fans from either hometown would’ve gladly taken plane, train, automobile or single-seater undersea submersible to get far enough East to see their respective teams play. Should be a great game showcasing two offensive juggernauts and their brick-wall-defensive counterparts. The Broncos took out eventual PAC-10 champion Ducks and dispatched WAC contenders Fresno State and UNR. The Froggies got by ACC runner-up Clemson, as well as now-11-win BYU and 9-win Utah. Horny Toads, who won the Poinsettia Bowl 17-16 over these Broncos last season, will tote the rock about 48 times, while Boise’s Kellen Moore will go up top (39 scores, 3 picks). Unable to decide, Vindy spun a dreidel. It landed on....TCU 21 Boise State 17
JAN. 5
FED-EX ORANGE (@ Miami, FL):
#9 Georgia Tech over #10 Iowa giving 4 (50 ½): For da’ Bees fans...the Good: Tech’s second-ranked rushing offense, that generated almost four touchdowns per game, the Bad: ‘Jackets’ #111 pass offense results in fewer than 6 catches/game, the Ugly: GT has lost its bowl game outright in each of the last four years (covering just one), including 38-3 last season to LSU. For Iowa fans...the Good: a defense that limited 8 of 12 opponents to 17 points or less, the Bad: head-scratchers like 17-16 over Northern Iowa, 24-21 over Arkansas State and that 17-10 home loss to Northwestern, the Fugly: see “the Good” under “Bees fans”! Hawkeyes have 4 covers in last 5 tries against ranked opponents (but four of ‘em came against fellow Big Tenderfoot clubs). Tech is one-to-two plays from the 7 yards its needs to bust 4000 rushing yards on the year, is first in time-of-possession at 34:17 and punts about 2.3 times/game (converting 100 3rd Downs [53.5%], most in the nation, and almost 58% on 4th Down). Tech is subject to the pass (22 touchdowns allowed, 11 INT), but Iowa’s passing game yielded 17 scores and 19 INT....Bees 34 Iowa 20
JAN. 6
GMAC (@ Mobile, AL):
#25 Central Michigan over Troy giving 3 ½ (63): If ya like watching both teams march up and down the field and lotsa’ points, have we got a deal for you! First back-to-back bowl trip for Troy (and 4th total in its short I-A history). Trojans were smoked by the non-conference schedule (Bowling Green, Florida and Arkansas), but ran the Fun Belt slate, scoring 40 or more six times. The second best passing yardage total, surprisingly, belongs to Troy QB Levi Brown. Chippies play in their 4th consecutive bowl and put up better than 33 ppg behind senior QB Dan LeFevour. Central Michigan scored 45 or more points five times. In July, images of the famous Rorschach inkblot test found their way to the Web and were posted at Wikipedia. Taking the test, the Weber Kid provided ho-hum, standard answers, such as “a bat”, “a man on a motorcycle” and “two beavers hanging out their laundry in the rain” (OK, that last one ain’t so typical!) to nine of the pics. The tenth image, however, elicited a response of...CMU 44 Troy 34
JAN. 7
CITI NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP (@ Pasadena, CA):
#2 Texas over #1 Alabama taking 5 (44 ½): “Pitching and defense wins championships”. Oh wait...that’s baseball! Tide’s been on the edge a couple times this season, but made disjointed Florida look more like the love-child of Florida State and Florida International in the conference championship game. SEC goes for fourth straight BCS title. Texas goes for second national crown in five seasons. Longhorns are just 3-7 ATS in last ten bowls, but won 7 of last 8 outright. Colt McCoy brings his 70% completion rate and 27-12 TD-INT ratio against the country’s best overall defense (which allowed just 9 TD, with 20 INT). Texas ain’t bad on the stop-side either, allowing just 15.2 ppg and while the rushing defense total of 818 yards might be a bit deceiving, given many large early-game leads that forced many opponents to throw the rest of the way, it could focus on Heisman-winner RB Mark Ingram and make Tide beat them thru the air. We anticipate more points than expected. ‘Bama faced the tougher schedule and was blessed by the college football pantheon to escape unharmed vs. Virginia Tech, LSU, Tennessee and Auburn. Given events in the final seconds of the Big 12 title game, Colt McCoy has been practicing actually hitting objects and other people in beyond the field-of-play, while coaches time those throws with stop-watches. Announcers calling this game will display graphs showing McCoy’s completion rates for left, right, middle and ....stands!...Texas 26 Bama 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Is it just Vindy or did anyone else out there notice the last four letters of the President’s last name spell...’Bama!?
In June, starting Florida CB Janoris Jenkins was Tasered by police...and still managed to break-up the pass!
Has anybody considered the possibility that athletes pointing skyward following completion of a big play are alerting the crew of the Goodyear Blimp to make sure the video they just shot better make the Sportscenter highlight reel that night as opposed to simply acknowledging their respective higher powers???!!!
Will the teams from that group in the midwest (and central PA) redeem themselves from last year’s debauchery or will it just be another “performance” from the...Big Tent Sale conference???!!!
In honor of 40th anniversary of Woodstock, we take a few creative liberties with a well-known quote from the concert...”what we have in mind....is spread picks in-bed...for 400,000"! (BTW, we’re thinkin’ “three days of pizza and glove” helped put companies like Papa John’s and Wilson on da’ map!)
Coming soon to the expanded menu at the bet & breakfast....“The Lamb-eau Leap” (a lovely dish served with mint jelly, but not before the server jumps with it into the crowd at a nearby table or booth!) and the “Delay of Game-Hen” (a tasty poultry number that [thankfully] continues to cook even after the 25-second clock expires!).
Southern Cal’s Joe McKnight was reportedly seen behind the wheel of a Land Rover that doesn’t belong to him. Confronted by school investigators, the running back said he was just rehearsing for a potential part as Marlin Perkins in a remake of Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom”!
“Deck da’ halls with lotsa’ pointspreads...
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la-la
Beat da’ books and get in their heads.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la-la
Winnnn us now our ten-team parlay....
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la...la...la
Spennnd da’ cash on hops and barley.
La-la-la-la-la, la-la...la...la!”
Vindy’s Best Bowl Bets Part II: Penn State-LSU “under” 44, East Carolina +7 1/2 over Arkansas, Central Michigan-Troy “over” 63
Vindicator wishes all his faithful readers a very Mary Carey Christmas (now there’s a holiday TV special we’d like to see)...Pass on Earth, Goodwill Toward Linemen. On top of ‘dat, we extend...Crimson Tidings of Southern Comfort and joy! Be sure to visit us one more time a few days after completion of the BCS Championship game to check out Vindy’s bowl recap and publication of his leftover “hash”!
“It’s beginning to look a lot like.....bowl season!”
(AP rankings; lines of December 23, over/under totals in parentheses)
JAN. 1
OUTBACK (@ Tampa, FL):
Northwestern over Auburn taking 7 ½ (54 ½): ‘Cats went 5-1 against the number as dogs this season and could post its second straight 9-win season with an upset. Tigers may have left all they had on the field after letting ‘Bama off the hook and may not be able to get up again for this one over a month later. While Auburn has increased its own points production, points-against are also up significantly from the 18 ppg last year. Tigers are run-heavy, while NW will go to the air. Auburn covered only 1 of 4 tries away from home, while Northwestern went 4-1 ATS outside of Evanston, including outright win over Iowa on the road...War Eagles 24 NW 21
CAPITAL ONE (@ Orlando, FL):
#13 LSU over #11 Penn State taking 2 ½ (44): Oh the shame! (Hmmmm....we opened last season’s USC-Penn State Rose Bowl pick with that same thought!). Lions buckled under the pressure applied by the two solid defenses they faced this year...Iowa and Ohio State. Bengals have been their own worst enemy and are a couple plays away from 11-1 and can bring the same kind of heat that could force PSU into mistakes. Can the Tigers (7-2 SU/ATS the last nine post-seasons) hold a nominal lead in what figures to be low-scoring game dominated by big defensive plays that directly account-for or set-up most, if not all, of the scoring...Bengals 17 Lions 16
KONICA MINOLTA GATOR (@ Jacksonville, FL):
West Virginia over Florida State giving 2 1/2 (60): The ‘Noles will do their utmost (we think!) to send Bobby Bowden out on a high note. Alas, it is not to be. Injuns, who could be more formidable next season, enter their 28th consecutive bowl game having covered five straight (3-2 SU, including a 30-18 victory over the Mounties in 2004), but equipped with the 107th-ranked rushing defense (allowing 5.3 yards per carry, 205 ypg and 24 rushing touchdowns) and have permitted one more point-against than points-scored on average per game. ‘Noles will throw, but against WVU team that allows just 52.5% completions and 19 passing scores against 17 interceptions. Best hope for State is that the ‘Eers commit turnovers (-6 ratio vs. non-conference teams)...West Virginia 28 FSU 19
ROSE Presented by CITI (@ Pasadena, CA):
#7 Oregon over #8 Ohio State giving 3 ½ (50 1/2): Nice to see a PAC-10 team other than USC here (“Let the joyous news be spread...The Trojans reign, at last, is dead!” ). But...Oh boy!... Jim Tressel and company get the opportunity to tank a fourth straight BCS bowl (though the Buckeyes have covered 5 of 8 bowl games under the coach, including 3-point defeat to Texas last year). State comes in with #4 total defense, allowing only 12.2 ppg, but faces monster Duck machine that puts up nearly 38 ppg and gets starting RB LeGarrette Blount back, with admirable back-up LaMichael James (#7 in total rushing yardage, 123 ypg, 14 TD) available on the bench. Mallards averaged three rushing touchdowns per game. Buckeyes did go 5-1 outright vs. six other bowl teams (losing only to USC). For those in the mood for something sweet, the menu at Vindy’s Bet & Breakfast will feature the Rose Bowl parade ice cream float...all organic ingredients, but, in a nod to the former sponsor, does require the customer to commit to a two-year phone-service contract with AT&T!....Quack Attack 38 Buckeyes 27
ALLSTATE SUGAR (@ N’awlins, Weeziana):
#4 Cincinnati over #5 Florida taking 10 ½ (57): Can Tim Team-Spirit and Coach Meyer rally the rest of the troops to focus vs. against a Bearkats team playing with the fury of the perceived betrayal by Coach Kelly’s defection to South Bend? The problem for UC has been a defense that faded from allowing 13 ppg thru the first eight to sleepwalking thru more than 36 ppg over the last four. Florida continued to win, but was never quite the same following Tebow’s concussion. Cincy has a perfect season on the line and will try to throw its way (#6 in total passing yardage, 320 ypg, 22 TD, 6 INT) to the upset. Nifty receiver Marty Gilyard also pulls double-duty, running back kicks, to the tune of almost 32 yards per return. ‘Kats have covered 8 of last 12 vs. ranked teams. Crocs on 19-5 ATS run against non-conference squads...Florida 39 Cincy 34
JAN. 2
INTERNATIONAL (@ Toronto, Canada):
Northern Illinois over South Florida taking 7 (49): UPSET ALERT. Hmmmm...Bulls going from balmy Tampa to the shadow of the Canadian National Tower in January. Woo-hoo. Can’t imagine a whole lotta’ fans in the stands for this one, but have to figure most of ‘em will side with the Huskies. NIU improved as a road dog again for the second straight year under second-year coach Jerry Kill and despite an 0-2 SU skid coming in (losing to MAC East champ Ohio and perennial conference powerhouse Central Michigan), we think the Dogs can hang with USF squad that dropped three of its last four regular season games and went 4-6 ATS overall. Bulls have good offensive balance. Will they use it? Huskies own the #18 rushing offense (203 ypg, better than two rushing scores per game).They’ll play in a dome, so field conditions will be good, but if it comes down to a late FG, Bulls only converted 52.6% of their three-point tries .. NIU 23 USF 20
AT&T COTTON (@ Dallas, TX):
Mississippi over #21 Oklahoma State giving 3 (50 ½): With Okie State welcoming the return of QB Zac Robinson, this has track-meet written all over it. State averages nearly 31 ppg, ditto Ole Miss. Special teams plays should be exciting as the Cowboys allow 25 yards per kick return, while the Fightin’ Magnolias allow 23 yards/return. Both teams like the ground game. Rebels have the better scoring defense (less than 19 ppg). State’s okay too at 22 ppg. OKSU got belted by the better teams it faced (Texas, Oklahoma and Houston). Rebels victims included Memphis, UAB and a pair of FCS teams. Mississippi has covered 9 of last 11 vs. ranked opponents. At 32:22 minutes/game, Oklahoma State was 4th in time of possession behind just ‘Bama, Navy and Wisconsin...Ole Mist 31 OKSU 23
PAPAJOHNS.COM (@ Birmingham, AL):
Connecticut over South Carolina taking 4 1/2 (51 1/2): The Poultry faced five ranked teams and covered against all of ‘em, losing by 10 to Florida and 14 to ‘Bama. Huskies faced three and covered against all of them. Neither team is likely to pass well here and while Connecticut ranks #91 in rushing yardage, it did score 29 touchdowns via the run. Carolina allows 3.8 ypc and gave up 15 scores. Neither team excels from the red zone. Huskies may still carry some emotion from loss of a teammate not long ago. UConn punter Desi Cullen was quoted as noting the new form-fitting unis were “almost like kicking naked”. Yep, can’t wait to see bowl security tackle a streaker that turns out to be said kicker running toward the tee (or whatever the place-kicker uses as a tee!). UConn covered all six road games (five in the dog role). Better ingredients. Better forecast. Vindy’s Picks...South Carolina 17 Huskies 16.
AUTOZONE LIBERTY(@ Memphis, TN):
East Carolina over Arkansas taking 7 ½ (63 ½): Pirates are in preferred role as significant underdogs and stifled Houston’s potent offense enough to pull the upset and win C-USA. ECU is just 1-2 SU heading into its fourth straight post-season, but toppled Boise State in 2007 Hawaii Bowl. Bucs come in on 4-game SU win streak and covered 7 of last 9. ‘Hogs also covered 7 of last 9, losing by 3 at Florida and in OT at LSU. Arkansas, however, has just one cover in last six bowls as chalk. Both teams have decent balance on offense and can light up the scoreboard. Both have return specialists that will make for exciting kickoffs and will potentially give both offenses good field position. ECU definitely worthy of a look on the money line in a shootout...Arkansas 38 ECU 34
VALERO ALAMO (@ San Antonio, TX):
Texas Tech over Michigan State giving 8 (60 ½): Suspensions for Michigan State here make valid statistical comparisons difficult at best. Sparty dropped 3 of last 5, stumbling into the post-season. We figure there’ll be a lot of reserves for State playing at game-speed, maybe for the first time and even at full-strength, MSU yielded 29 passing touchdowns while grabbing only five picks. The only thing that might slow Tech, the #2 pass offense behind only Houston, is a tendency to commit penalties, tying Arizona State for most yellow laundry dropped (111 flags!)... oh ...and Vindy’s inability to pick TTU correctly against the number (“Danger! Danger...Will Robinson!”)...Red Raiders 34 MSU 17
JAN. 4
TOSTITOS FIESTA (@ Glensdale, AZ):
#6 Boise State over #3 TCU taking 7 (55): We consider this the “BCS Has Got No Stones” Bowl (and we ain’t talkin’ about the absence of music by Jagger and the boys over the PA system!). We agree with the published comments of a few other folks who think the match-up here is a crock. With nothing but respect for both sides, America doesn’t give a flyin’ rat’s who the best BCS-buster is. We wanted to see each of the two teams wearing the “buster” label face-off vs. teams from the Big Six. The BCS, however, wants no part of that scenario with the possibility of one or both knocking off squads from the money conferences, giving those in favor of a playoff, or at least more availability of the BCS berths to the “little guys”, more ammo. By pitting Boise and TCU against each other, the bowl powers have ensured one less undefeated team will remain and that questions will go unanswered. The BCS would try to bamboozle you with such concepts as travel distance for fans from Ft. Worth and Boise, pairing of the third- and sixth-ranked teams, a match-up of undefeated clubs, yada yada. Either team vs. 12-0 Cincy would’ve gotten that undefeated match-up and fans from either hometown would’ve gladly taken plane, train, automobile or single-seater undersea submersible to get far enough East to see their respective teams play. Should be a great game showcasing two offensive juggernauts and their brick-wall-defensive counterparts. The Broncos took out eventual PAC-10 champion Ducks and dispatched WAC contenders Fresno State and UNR. The Froggies got by ACC runner-up Clemson, as well as now-11-win BYU and 9-win Utah. Horny Toads, who won the Poinsettia Bowl 17-16 over these Broncos last season, will tote the rock about 48 times, while Boise’s Kellen Moore will go up top (39 scores, 3 picks). Unable to decide, Vindy spun a dreidel. It landed on....TCU 21 Boise State 17
JAN. 5
FED-EX ORANGE (@ Miami, FL):
#9 Georgia Tech over #10 Iowa giving 4 (50 ½): For da’ Bees fans...the Good: Tech’s second-ranked rushing offense, that generated almost four touchdowns per game, the Bad: ‘Jackets’ #111 pass offense results in fewer than 6 catches/game, the Ugly: GT has lost its bowl game outright in each of the last four years (covering just one), including 38-3 last season to LSU. For Iowa fans...the Good: a defense that limited 8 of 12 opponents to 17 points or less, the Bad: head-scratchers like 17-16 over Northern Iowa, 24-21 over Arkansas State and that 17-10 home loss to Northwestern, the Fugly: see “the Good” under “Bees fans”! Hawkeyes have 4 covers in last 5 tries against ranked opponents (but four of ‘em came against fellow Big Tenderfoot clubs). Tech is one-to-two plays from the 7 yards its needs to bust 4000 rushing yards on the year, is first in time-of-possession at 34:17 and punts about 2.3 times/game (converting 100 3rd Downs [53.5%], most in the nation, and almost 58% on 4th Down). Tech is subject to the pass (22 touchdowns allowed, 11 INT), but Iowa’s passing game yielded 17 scores and 19 INT....Bees 34 Iowa 20
JAN. 6
GMAC (@ Mobile, AL):
#25 Central Michigan over Troy giving 3 ½ (63): If ya like watching both teams march up and down the field and lotsa’ points, have we got a deal for you! First back-to-back bowl trip for Troy (and 4th total in its short I-A history). Trojans were smoked by the non-conference schedule (Bowling Green, Florida and Arkansas), but ran the Fun Belt slate, scoring 40 or more six times. The second best passing yardage total, surprisingly, belongs to Troy QB Levi Brown. Chippies play in their 4th consecutive bowl and put up better than 33 ppg behind senior QB Dan LeFevour. Central Michigan scored 45 or more points five times. In July, images of the famous Rorschach inkblot test found their way to the Web and were posted at Wikipedia. Taking the test, the Weber Kid provided ho-hum, standard answers, such as “a bat”, “a man on a motorcycle” and “two beavers hanging out their laundry in the rain” (OK, that last one ain’t so typical!) to nine of the pics. The tenth image, however, elicited a response of...CMU 44 Troy 34
JAN. 7
CITI NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP (@ Pasadena, CA):
#2 Texas over #1 Alabama taking 5 (44 ½): “Pitching and defense wins championships”. Oh wait...that’s baseball! Tide’s been on the edge a couple times this season, but made disjointed Florida look more like the love-child of Florida State and Florida International in the conference championship game. SEC goes for fourth straight BCS title. Texas goes for second national crown in five seasons. Longhorns are just 3-7 ATS in last ten bowls, but won 7 of last 8 outright. Colt McCoy brings his 70% completion rate and 27-12 TD-INT ratio against the country’s best overall defense (which allowed just 9 TD, with 20 INT). Texas ain’t bad on the stop-side either, allowing just 15.2 ppg and while the rushing defense total of 818 yards might be a bit deceiving, given many large early-game leads that forced many opponents to throw the rest of the way, it could focus on Heisman-winner RB Mark Ingram and make Tide beat them thru the air. We anticipate more points than expected. ‘Bama faced the tougher schedule and was blessed by the college football pantheon to escape unharmed vs. Virginia Tech, LSU, Tennessee and Auburn. Given events in the final seconds of the Big 12 title game, Colt McCoy has been practicing actually hitting objects and other people in beyond the field-of-play, while coaches time those throws with stop-watches. Announcers calling this game will display graphs showing McCoy’s completion rates for left, right, middle and ....stands!...Texas 26 Bama 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Is it just Vindy or did anyone else out there notice the last four letters of the President’s last name spell...’Bama!?
In June, starting Florida CB Janoris Jenkins was Tasered by police...and still managed to break-up the pass!
Has anybody considered the possibility that athletes pointing skyward following completion of a big play are alerting the crew of the Goodyear Blimp to make sure the video they just shot better make the Sportscenter highlight reel that night as opposed to simply acknowledging their respective higher powers???!!!
Will the teams from that group in the midwest (and central PA) redeem themselves from last year’s debauchery or will it just be another “performance” from the...Big Tent Sale conference???!!!
In honor of 40th anniversary of Woodstock, we take a few creative liberties with a well-known quote from the concert...”what we have in mind....is spread picks in-bed...for 400,000"! (BTW, we’re thinkin’ “three days of pizza and glove” helped put companies like Papa John’s and Wilson on da’ map!)
Coming soon to the expanded menu at the bet & breakfast....“The Lamb-eau Leap” (a lovely dish served with mint jelly, but not before the server jumps with it into the crowd at a nearby table or booth!) and the “Delay of Game-Hen” (a tasty poultry number that [thankfully] continues to cook even after the 25-second clock expires!).
Southern Cal’s Joe McKnight was reportedly seen behind the wheel of a Land Rover that doesn’t belong to him. Confronted by school investigators, the running back said he was just rehearsing for a potential part as Marlin Perkins in a remake of Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom”!
“Deck da’ halls with lotsa’ pointspreads...
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la-la
Beat da’ books and get in their heads.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la-la
Winnnn us now our ten-team parlay....
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la...la...la
Spennnd da’ cash on hops and barley.
La-la-la-la-la, la-la...la...la!”
Vindy’s Best Bowl Bets Part II: Penn State-LSU “under” 44, East Carolina +7 1/2 over Arkansas, Central Michigan-Troy “over” 63
Vindicator wishes all his faithful readers a very Mary Carey Christmas (now there’s a holiday TV special we’d like to see)...Pass on Earth, Goodwill Toward Linemen. On top of ‘dat, we extend...Crimson Tidings of Southern Comfort and joy! Be sure to visit us one more time a few days after completion of the BCS Championship game to check out Vindy’s bowl recap and publication of his leftover “hash”!
“It’s beginning to look a lot like.....bowl season!”
Friday, December 18, 2009
Vindy's 2009-10 Bowl Predictions: The Early Games
OBAMA CALLS VINDY’S PICKS “PASSABLE”
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (BBC)...Shortly after telling Oprah Winfrey that the achievements of his first eleven months in office were worthy of “a solid B-plus”, the president responded to the talk show diva’s query about what marks he would give the Vegas Vindicator’s efforts over the same period by noting “a passable C-minus”. While the Commander-in-Chief acknowledged the fab forecaster’s overall profit-netting 54.3% (140-118-2), he pointed out there was “still work to be done on ‘lock of the week’ picks and ‘best bets’. Let’s face it...those babies doubled the national deficit this year.” Chiming in on cue, even First Pooch, Bo, gave the Sin City Soothsayer a “paws-down”. In wrapping up the holiday interview at the White House, Oprah rolled some footage of the classic TV show moment from last January in which Vice President Joe Biden shushed his wife, Jill, after she let it slip that her hubby had been given a choice of placing his wagers with the Weber Kid or with well-known tout Phil Steele under the new administration.
By the way, the above-mentioned, year-old Portugese water dog (who was reportedly named after Michelle Obama’s father [nicknamed Diddley], though we contend he was really named for two-sport star Bo Jackson and/or former Wolverines coach Bo Schembechler) got excited and piddled all over Vindy’s jersey after getting a look at....
THE WEBER KID’S 2008-09 BOWL PREDICTIONS
(AP rankings; lines of December 18, over/under totals in parentheses)
DEC. 19
NEW MEXICO (@ Albuequerque, N.M.):
Wyoming over Fresno State taking 11 (54 ½): This one might come down to turnovers and enthusiasm. Fresno’s attack features RB Ryan Matthews, who was second in total rushing yards behind only Heisman runner-up Toby Gerhart. If the Cowpokes get down big early, they’re not built for a major comeback with the nation’s 112th-ranked passing offense. Having said that, FSU allows 28 ppg, while Wyoming allows 27. Wyoming will be happier to be here and playing in its first post-season since 2004 and second since 1992. Bulldogs in 4th straight bowl (1-2 SU/ATS)...FSU West 28 Wyoming 23
ST. PETERSBURG (@ St. Petersburg, FL):
Rutgers over Central Florida giving 2 ½ (44 ): Fifth straight bowl for the Scarlet Knights, who stumbled into the post-season having fallen in 2 of last 3, including game at Syracuse. The Golden Knights, on the other hand, won 5 of last 6, losing only at Austin. Both teams are nearly identical in rushing stats and both defend the rush well. Rutgers boasts the country’s #18 receiver, Tim Brown, who reels in about 88 yards per game. Rutgers has made a living on turnovers against non-conference teams, with a +16 margin. UCF went 9-2 against the line this year and Coach O’Leary fired up his team this season by showing them film of Muhammad Ali in his glory days. Funny, Vindy showed his forecasting team that same footage, but focused on the champ’s opponents. Anybody remember Howard Cossell’s call of “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!”?????!!!!...Parkway Paladins 24 UCF 20
DEC. 20
R&L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS (@ N’awlins, Weeziana):
Southern Miss over Middle Tennessee State giving 3 ½ (58): Blue Raiders went 9-3 SU/ATS, including nice 6-0 run against the spread to close out the regular season. State owns outright wins over Memphis and Maryland...not top-flight teams in their respective conferences, but still outside the Sun Belt. Golden Eagles lost a shootout at Houston and have won and covered 4 of their last 5 bowls. MTSU held nifty 37-18 edge in sacks against its opponents, but averaged just over 27 minutes/game in time of possession. The extra plays should benefit USM enough to beat the number against pesky Raiders...SoMiss 30 MTSU 24
DEC. 22
MAACO LAS VEGAS: (@ Vegas, Baby!)
#16 Oregon State over #15 BYU giving 2 ½ (59): Almost made OSU the lock of da’ bowls. Possible showcase for senior QB Max Hall, but Coach Mendenhall already made it known earlier in the year that he didn’t want to play in Vegas again. Can’t wait to hear that pre-game motivational talk...”Yo guys...I know what I said, but hey...we’re here again, so...let’s make the best of it, okay?”. Beavers return to the scene of near-crime in which they almost lost to the hometown Rebels. New OSU defense (just three returning starters) settled in nicely late in the season as only the Ducks managed more than 21 points over the last five games. Beavers will hope for improvement over last season’s 3-0 stinker over Pitt. We’ve been lauding Jacquizz Rodgers (20 rushing scores, nearly 115 ypg) and brother James (83 receiving ypg, 9 scores) all season. We’ll do it again here. QB Sean Canfield is no slouch, with 21-6 passing TD to INT ratio, either. Coogs just 2-6-1 ATS in last 9 vs. non-conference teams...Oregon State 34 BYU 24
DEC. 23
SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA (@ San Diego, CA):
#23 Utah over California taking 4 (52 ½): This isn’t where either team hoped to be in the pre-season when Cal was touting RB Jahvid Best for the Heisman and Utes were coming in off BCS-buster win over Alabama in last year’s Sugar Bowl. Bears have been whacked by the better teams on their slate, though covered 2 of 3 vs. the ranked squads. Sophomore RB Vereen was okay, but not great (10 touchdowns, 69.17 ypg) spelling the injured Best. Utes have plenty of defense and averaged nearly 30 ppg.. Good news for da’ Utes and da’ Bears...both of last year’s Appointment-Setter Bowl contestants went undefeated in 2009 and square-off in the Fiesta this January..Utes 27 Cal 23
DEC. 24
SHERATON HAWAII (@ Honolulu, HI):
Southern Methodist over Nevada-Reno taking 15 (73 1/2): Kudos to second-year SMU coach June Jones, who after suffering thru the school’s second straight 1-11 SU season last year, has his Ponies in their first bowl since the NCAA “death penalty” days of the 1980's. Mustangs won 4 of their last 5 to get here and went 4-2 ATS away from home. Reno defeated 8 consecutive opponents before covering-loss at Boise (7-2 ATS in that span). Reno will run early and often, but also has 20 passing touchdowns with just 5 picks. SMU will respond with WR Emmanuel Sanders (101 yards per game), but will have to step-up its pass protection to stay within a couple touchdowns...UNR 41 SMU 30
DEC. 26
LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA BOWL (@ Detroit, MI):
Ohio over Marshall giving 2 (49 1/2): LOCK OF DA’ BOWLS. Herd sports the better running game (139 ypg, 16 touchdowns to Ohio’s 120 ypg and 9 scores), but the Bobcats own the passing edge with a 22-12 ratio and Marshall’s just the 97th best pass defense. Ohio bombed a pretty good Temple team on a neutral site to win the MAC and are dangerous in the kicking-return, bringing four punts back to the house. Might be a low-scoring match since OU is successful from the red zone just 72% of the time and Marshall is just north of 79%. Marshall’s bowling for first time since ‘04, Ohio’s making first post-season trip since ‘06. Bobcats won 9 games (8-4 ATS overall). Herd’s best win of its six came at home vs. SMU. Good turnaround for Ohio team that won just 4 games in 2008...Ohio 27 Marshall 13
MEINEKE CAR CARE (@ Charlotte, NC):
#17 Pittsburgh over North Carolina giving 3 (44 ½): The only thing the ‘Heels have going here is a 7-0 ATS run vs. ranked teams, but after last season’s 31-30 bowl loss to West Virginia, it’ll be up to the defense to keep UNC in the game (allows less than 17 ppg) vs. Pitt’s Dion Lewis (#3 in rushing yards, #10 in rushing TDs) and WR Jonathan Baldwin (#10 in receiving yards, 90 ypg). Panthers play some D too, allowing just 20 ppg. Like the aforementioned Beavers, Pitt will want a better showing than 2008's post-season “game”...Pitt 23 UNC 16
EMERALD (@ San Francisco, CA):
Boston College over USC taking 9 (43 ½): This one might be a reach, but Eagles aren’t bad defensively and it’s the first bowl for USC young freshman QB Barkley, topping off a failed season by USC standards. We expect (and so do the linesmakers) a low-scoring game given unimpressive passing games on either side of the field. BC’s Montel Harris provides 113 yards per game on the ground. Trojans will run too, shortening the game and giving the underdog Eagles a chance to cover. BC dropped its first bowl in nine tries last year, losing 16-14 to Vanderbilt. USC, at 3-9 ATS, dodged bullets vs. Ohio State and Notre Dame this season and could easily be 6-6. Eagles have not covered last three bowls, but were giving 5 to 7 in each of those (winning a pair by 1and 3 points before last year’s 2-point loss)...Trojans 20 BC 16
DEC. 27
GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY (@ Nashville, TN):
Kentucky over Clemson taking 7 (52 ½): UPSET ALERT. This will likely feature another pairing of running teams as Clemson and Kentucky rank #16 and #17, respectively against the pass. Kentucky’s scoring defense improved a bit as the season progressed, going from 32-points per game against in Games 2 thru 4 (following opening whitewash of Miami-Ohio) down to 20 ppg-against over the final seven. If the game is close, Tigers will be at major disadvantage given 5 missed PATs and just 68% success on field goals (21 of 31). Tigers lost two close games to Joja’ Tech, but C.J. Spiller can be contained and Clemson is 0-4 ATS in last four bowls, losing the past three outright. Oh what the hell...we’ll call it...Kentucky 27 Clemson 24
DEC. 28
INDEPENDENCE (@ Shreveport, LA):
Georgia over Texas A&M giving 7 (65 1/2): No faith in this pick since initial gut-reaction was to take A&M and da’ points, but subsequent review resulted in a change toward the favorite. Two of the year’s most-penalized teams take the field here (‘Dawgs tied for 3rd with 99 hankies, Aggies drew 92 flags...good for a 9th-place tie). That fact and Georgia’s proclivity for turnovers (minus-17 overall, though just minus-5 vs. non-conference teams) could allow high-scoring A&M to make this a track meet. But only the win over Texas Tech was significant, given the remaining dubyas were against New Mexico, Utah State, UAB, Iowa State and Baylor... all in College Station. It’s all or nothin’ for TAMU once they cross midfield because the Aggies manage to score less than 77% from the red zone and only 67% on threes. Joja’ fell outta’ the Top 25 following loss to LSU, but won 4 of last 6, including victory over ACC champ Joja’ Tech to regain some momentum. Georgia’s won and covered bowls each of the last 3 years and at least covered 7 of the last 10. The double-digit SU win streak is over, but we like the bowl trend to continue...UGA 37 A&M 27
DEC. 29
EAGLEBANK (@ Washington, DC):
Temple over UCLA taking 4 (46 1/2): Owls coach, and former JoePa disciple, Al Golden should be up for Coach of Da’ Year honors for giving Temple its first post-season berth since the 1979 Garden State Bowl and a shot at a 10-win season just a year after TU suffered back-to-back 1-11 campaigns. Bruins had an interesting season, wrapping three-game win-streaks around a five-game loss skid. Owls are run-heavy behind RB Bernard Pierce’s 119 yards per game and put up 30.3 on the scoreboard. UCLA finds itself as the #98 scoring team at 21.6 ppg. Temple holds a slight red zone advantage. Bruins are better kicking field goals. Both teams convert less than 37% on 3rd Down. Not many points. That’ll favor the Birds....UCLA 21 Temple 20
CHAMPS SPORTS (@ Orlando, FL):
#14 Miami over #24 Wisconsin giving 3 (58): We think the offenses will out-play the respective defenses. Badgers prefer the ground game with #9 rusher John Clay. Pelicans will rely on sporadic QB Jacory Harris. Both offenses average better than 410 ypg each. Wisky can record 10 wins for first time since 12-1 record in 2006, but didn’t beat anyone special to get here. UW bowl record isn’t special either... just 3-4 outright, getting smoked by Florida State in ‘08 and losing to Tennessee in ‘07. ‘Canes have taken 4 of last 5 bowls (3-2 ATS). Both excel in time-of-possession. Cheeseheads score from the red zone almost 91% of the time, but Miami could take advantage of Badgers poor special teams, especially the field-goal and kick-coverage units enough to prevail...Miami 34 Wisky 29
DEC. 30
ROADY’S HUMANITARIAN (@ Boise, ID):
Bowling Green over Idaho giving 1 ½ (68 ½): Only five I-A teams have fewer total rushing yards than the Falcons. Idaho, a great story this season, has a decent semblance of a running game at 160 ypg to go with its preferred mode of throwing as well. Idaho’s #113 ranking in pass D might be a bit skewed since they played Boise State, Reno and Fresno, all of whom own a Top 14 passing offense. Birds in second bowl in five years, while the Potato-Heads are in first since 1998. Falcons on 16-5 ATS run away from home and beat the weaker teams convincingly while winning and covering 4 of last 6 to finish the regular season. Defenses in the MAC aren’t great. Defenses in the WAC just aren’t!...BGU 41 Idaho 31
PACIFIC LIFE HOLIDAY (@ San Diego, CA):
#20 Nebraska over #22 Arizona taking 1 ½ (40): Huskers have to feel snake-bitten after letting the Texas game (and the accompanying Big 12 crown) get away, much like the Virginia Tech game did early in the year. Big Red will stay mostly on the ground and let its defense do the heavy-lifting against ‘Cats passing attack. Nebraska allowed 11.2 ppg, second behind only Alabama (tempered by three games against the Sun Belt in non-conference play, but still nothing to sneeze at). AZ can run as well at about 162 ypg, but Huskers allow just 2.8 ypc and less than 96 rushing yards/game. Wildcats only 2-3-1 ATS outside of Tucson this year and though 11-3 ATS the last four years against ranked teams, they’re only 4-4 SU over last 8...Children of the Corn 19 ‘Zona 12
DEC. 31 (Uh-oh! These are Thursday games! You’ve been warned!)
BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES (@ Ft. Worth, TX):
Houston over Air Force giving 4 ½ (62 ½): The irresistible force meets the immovable object in a rematch of last year’s Armed Forces Bowl, won 34-28 by Houston. Cougars are runners-up in total offense to Boise State. Case Keenum takes his big arm (71% completion rate, 43 TD passes and 419 ypg) back to Dallas to face Air Force’s #4 rushing attack. Army and Navy have fewer passing yards than the Pilots...and that’s all folks! Flyboys held TCU to 20 points in Colorado Springs, but UH can play some D too, holding five opponents to the teens or less. Cougars have taken it up a notch since 2008. Air Force hasn’t. Keenum has not one, not two, but three very capable receivers. Tyson Carrier, alone, has as many catches per game as Air Force has throwing attempts per tilt. Should be good amount of points since collectively, these two combine for only 7 punts per game. Unless Aim High can force turnovers (+17 on the season), the result is about the same as last year...Houston 37 USAF 27
BRUT SUN (@ El Paso, TX):
#19 Stanford over Oklahoma taking 8 (56): Certainly not the spot Oklahoma expected for the post-season, but injuries and tough-luck losses to BYU and Miami derailed any shot at a title. Heisman bridesmaid Toby Gerhart racked up almost 200 more rushing yards in one less game than winner Mark Ingram. Special teams could be Oklahoma’s undoing here as Stanford’s Chris Owusu averages 32.5 yards per kick return. Sooners tallied only 17 rushing scores despite having talented runners in DeMarco Murray and Chris Brown. Trees should keep it close (and would be worth a look for an upset) in their first bowl since 2001. Sooners have been bowl-poison for backers, going 1-5 SU/ATS over last six years...Oklahoma 27 Stanford 24
TEXAS (@ Houston, TX):
Navy over Missouri taking 6 (52 ½): Middies bumbled their way to a push against Army, who was in the game until a late interception put it outta’ reach. We expect a better performance this time and hopefully the Ensigns have shored-up the kick coverage that gave the Black Knights good position throughout the game. Navy’s third-ranked ground attack produced more than three rushing touchdowns per match this year. They’ll need to continue to grind it out (averaging nearly 33 ½ minutes per game in TOP) because Mizzou can score quickly through the air behind QB Blaine Gabbert (275 ypg, 23 scores, just 7 INT) and his favorite target WR Damario Alexander (137 receiving ypg). Tigers held opponents below 97 rushing yards per game. Navy gave up just 11 touchdown passes while posting 15 interceptions. Sailors are just 2-4 SU in their last 6 bowls, but covered four of ‘em, including losses by 1 and 3 to BC and Utah, respectively before last year’s 10-point defeat to Wake Forest. On the big screen.... players discover the ability to make farm animals faint by gazing intently at them and test their newfound powers on the Middies’ mascot in...”Linemen Who Stare at Goats”...Mizzou 24 Navy 21
INSIGHT (@ Tempe, AZ):
Iowa State over Minnesota taking 2 ½ (48): Best call here is probably “under” the total as the second- and fourth-lowest scoring teams in the nation get paired in this snoozer. Gerbils were shutout twice (though by stalwart defenses of Iowa and Penn State). ISU Cyclowns come in at the 101st-ranked offense, lowest among this season’s bowl participants other than Wyoming. State, at least, has a 9-7 win over Nebraska. Ughhhhhh....ISU 19 Minny 13
CHICK-FIL-A (@ Atlanta, GA):
Tennessee over #12 Virginia Tech taking 5 (49): We considered Vols on the money line, but Hokies outright win record on Thursday nights is the stuff of legends (16-5, though only 1-1 in only two tries of ‘09)! While both clubs combine to score an average of 62 ppg, the total is a nod to the defenses, which combine to allow just 37 ppg. Both sides will run first and throw as an after-thought. The Lane Kiffin era at Rocky Top got off to a tough start, but Vols did cover against all three ranked opponents and five of last seven on the year (also winning five outright). Hokies have won and covered just 4 of their last 10 post-season trips. A victory gives Tech its sixth consecutive season with at least 10 wins...VT 22 Tennessee 19
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Last winter, Washington fessed-up to a secondary recruiting violation by new pigskin coach Steve Sarkisian, who, with Nick Holt, met with two high school seniors at a hair salon and coffee shop in LA (prior to the allowable timeframe). Hey he was just improvising on Army’s “coffee with a soldier” plan, calling his recruiting campaign...“Coffee and a Perm with a Husky”
After learning Joe Montana’s son would play for UDUB, Coach Sarkisian took a few creative liberties with a certain commercial involving “Babe” Ruth, and asked the Hall-of-Fame quarterback’s prodigy, “...You don’t happen to know any kids named ‘Rice’, do ya???!!!”
As Tom Brady and super-model Gisele Bundchen welcome their first child, Vindy flashes back to an episode of the short-lived 1970's animated series Where’s Huddles, in which center Bubba McCoy is incorrectly diagnosed as being in a “family way” and his teammates go outta’ their way to protect him on the field. (Raise yer hand if yer old enough to remember Where’s Huddles!....And if yer not.... Google it!)
The New England Patriots mascot was swept up in a sex-sting operation in Rhode Island earlier this month. Given the Pats’ 8-5 record, we're just happy somebody on the team is scoring! But we just really wanna’ know how Tiger got his hands on the costume to begin with! Hey, looks like New Hampshire’s reviewing a repeal of its adultery laws. Yo Tiger...road trip! (Oh wait...maybe he’d better just fly or “go Amtrak” or something!). Wanna’ take bets on how many of those recently-found 22 million “lost” e-mails from the Bush administration were between Tiger and a bevy of White House interns???!!!
The No Fun League has finally relented on its previous policy and is now permitting airing of Vegas advertisements during game telecasts. But still banned are any images of gambling, gambling products, pics of the Strip or casinos themselves. Hmmmm....let’s see. That would leave just...ummm...cactus, hookers and desert tortoise habitats as viable promos for Sin City!
Vindy’s 2009 Bowl Season Best Bets (thru New Year’s Eve):
Oregon State -2 ½ over BYU, Ohio/Marshall “under” 49, Stanford +8 over Oklahoma
Stay tuned. We’ll be back before ya can finish unwrapping that Zhu Zhu Hamster gift under yer tree with da’ rest of the games, Vin’s thoughts on the BCS Fiesta Bowl conspiracy, his pick for national champion, more “best bets” and, of course,.... more holiday “hash”! Meanwhile, we leave you with one of our host’s favorite holiday-tune stanzas...
“With lotsa’ beer pouring,
And all those teams scoring,
And hot chicks who cheeeeeeeeerrrr...
It’s da’ most wonderbowl tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmme
Of...da’ yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (BBC)...Shortly after telling Oprah Winfrey that the achievements of his first eleven months in office were worthy of “a solid B-plus”, the president responded to the talk show diva’s query about what marks he would give the Vegas Vindicator’s efforts over the same period by noting “a passable C-minus”. While the Commander-in-Chief acknowledged the fab forecaster’s overall profit-netting 54.3% (140-118-2), he pointed out there was “still work to be done on ‘lock of the week’ picks and ‘best bets’. Let’s face it...those babies doubled the national deficit this year.” Chiming in on cue, even First Pooch, Bo, gave the Sin City Soothsayer a “paws-down”. In wrapping up the holiday interview at the White House, Oprah rolled some footage of the classic TV show moment from last January in which Vice President Joe Biden shushed his wife, Jill, after she let it slip that her hubby had been given a choice of placing his wagers with the Weber Kid or with well-known tout Phil Steele under the new administration.
By the way, the above-mentioned, year-old Portugese water dog (who was reportedly named after Michelle Obama’s father [nicknamed Diddley], though we contend he was really named for two-sport star Bo Jackson and/or former Wolverines coach Bo Schembechler) got excited and piddled all over Vindy’s jersey after getting a look at....
THE WEBER KID’S 2008-09 BOWL PREDICTIONS
(AP rankings; lines of December 18, over/under totals in parentheses)
DEC. 19
NEW MEXICO (@ Albuequerque, N.M.):
Wyoming over Fresno State taking 11 (54 ½): This one might come down to turnovers and enthusiasm. Fresno’s attack features RB Ryan Matthews, who was second in total rushing yards behind only Heisman runner-up Toby Gerhart. If the Cowpokes get down big early, they’re not built for a major comeback with the nation’s 112th-ranked passing offense. Having said that, FSU allows 28 ppg, while Wyoming allows 27. Wyoming will be happier to be here and playing in its first post-season since 2004 and second since 1992. Bulldogs in 4th straight bowl (1-2 SU/ATS)...FSU West 28 Wyoming 23
ST. PETERSBURG (@ St. Petersburg, FL):
Rutgers over Central Florida giving 2 ½ (44 ): Fifth straight bowl for the Scarlet Knights, who stumbled into the post-season having fallen in 2 of last 3, including game at Syracuse. The Golden Knights, on the other hand, won 5 of last 6, losing only at Austin. Both teams are nearly identical in rushing stats and both defend the rush well. Rutgers boasts the country’s #18 receiver, Tim Brown, who reels in about 88 yards per game. Rutgers has made a living on turnovers against non-conference teams, with a +16 margin. UCF went 9-2 against the line this year and Coach O’Leary fired up his team this season by showing them film of Muhammad Ali in his glory days. Funny, Vindy showed his forecasting team that same footage, but focused on the champ’s opponents. Anybody remember Howard Cossell’s call of “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!”?????!!!!...Parkway Paladins 24 UCF 20
DEC. 20
R&L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS (@ N’awlins, Weeziana):
Southern Miss over Middle Tennessee State giving 3 ½ (58): Blue Raiders went 9-3 SU/ATS, including nice 6-0 run against the spread to close out the regular season. State owns outright wins over Memphis and Maryland...not top-flight teams in their respective conferences, but still outside the Sun Belt. Golden Eagles lost a shootout at Houston and have won and covered 4 of their last 5 bowls. MTSU held nifty 37-18 edge in sacks against its opponents, but averaged just over 27 minutes/game in time of possession. The extra plays should benefit USM enough to beat the number against pesky Raiders...SoMiss 30 MTSU 24
DEC. 22
MAACO LAS VEGAS: (@ Vegas, Baby!)
#16 Oregon State over #15 BYU giving 2 ½ (59): Almost made OSU the lock of da’ bowls. Possible showcase for senior QB Max Hall, but Coach Mendenhall already made it known earlier in the year that he didn’t want to play in Vegas again. Can’t wait to hear that pre-game motivational talk...”Yo guys...I know what I said, but hey...we’re here again, so...let’s make the best of it, okay?”. Beavers return to the scene of near-crime in which they almost lost to the hometown Rebels. New OSU defense (just three returning starters) settled in nicely late in the season as only the Ducks managed more than 21 points over the last five games. Beavers will hope for improvement over last season’s 3-0 stinker over Pitt. We’ve been lauding Jacquizz Rodgers (20 rushing scores, nearly 115 ypg) and brother James (83 receiving ypg, 9 scores) all season. We’ll do it again here. QB Sean Canfield is no slouch, with 21-6 passing TD to INT ratio, either. Coogs just 2-6-1 ATS in last 9 vs. non-conference teams...Oregon State 34 BYU 24
DEC. 23
SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA (@ San Diego, CA):
#23 Utah over California taking 4 (52 ½): This isn’t where either team hoped to be in the pre-season when Cal was touting RB Jahvid Best for the Heisman and Utes were coming in off BCS-buster win over Alabama in last year’s Sugar Bowl. Bears have been whacked by the better teams on their slate, though covered 2 of 3 vs. the ranked squads. Sophomore RB Vereen was okay, but not great (10 touchdowns, 69.17 ypg) spelling the injured Best. Utes have plenty of defense and averaged nearly 30 ppg.. Good news for da’ Utes and da’ Bears...both of last year’s Appointment-Setter Bowl contestants went undefeated in 2009 and square-off in the Fiesta this January..Utes 27 Cal 23
DEC. 24
SHERATON HAWAII (@ Honolulu, HI):
Southern Methodist over Nevada-Reno taking 15 (73 1/2): Kudos to second-year SMU coach June Jones, who after suffering thru the school’s second straight 1-11 SU season last year, has his Ponies in their first bowl since the NCAA “death penalty” days of the 1980's. Mustangs won 4 of their last 5 to get here and went 4-2 ATS away from home. Reno defeated 8 consecutive opponents before covering-loss at Boise (7-2 ATS in that span). Reno will run early and often, but also has 20 passing touchdowns with just 5 picks. SMU will respond with WR Emmanuel Sanders (101 yards per game), but will have to step-up its pass protection to stay within a couple touchdowns...UNR 41 SMU 30
DEC. 26
LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA BOWL (@ Detroit, MI):
Ohio over Marshall giving 2 (49 1/2): LOCK OF DA’ BOWLS. Herd sports the better running game (139 ypg, 16 touchdowns to Ohio’s 120 ypg and 9 scores), but the Bobcats own the passing edge with a 22-12 ratio and Marshall’s just the 97th best pass defense. Ohio bombed a pretty good Temple team on a neutral site to win the MAC and are dangerous in the kicking-return, bringing four punts back to the house. Might be a low-scoring match since OU is successful from the red zone just 72% of the time and Marshall is just north of 79%. Marshall’s bowling for first time since ‘04, Ohio’s making first post-season trip since ‘06. Bobcats won 9 games (8-4 ATS overall). Herd’s best win of its six came at home vs. SMU. Good turnaround for Ohio team that won just 4 games in 2008...Ohio 27 Marshall 13
MEINEKE CAR CARE (@ Charlotte, NC):
#17 Pittsburgh over North Carolina giving 3 (44 ½): The only thing the ‘Heels have going here is a 7-0 ATS run vs. ranked teams, but after last season’s 31-30 bowl loss to West Virginia, it’ll be up to the defense to keep UNC in the game (allows less than 17 ppg) vs. Pitt’s Dion Lewis (#3 in rushing yards, #10 in rushing TDs) and WR Jonathan Baldwin (#10 in receiving yards, 90 ypg). Panthers play some D too, allowing just 20 ppg. Like the aforementioned Beavers, Pitt will want a better showing than 2008's post-season “game”...Pitt 23 UNC 16
EMERALD (@ San Francisco, CA):
Boston College over USC taking 9 (43 ½): This one might be a reach, but Eagles aren’t bad defensively and it’s the first bowl for USC young freshman QB Barkley, topping off a failed season by USC standards. We expect (and so do the linesmakers) a low-scoring game given unimpressive passing games on either side of the field. BC’s Montel Harris provides 113 yards per game on the ground. Trojans will run too, shortening the game and giving the underdog Eagles a chance to cover. BC dropped its first bowl in nine tries last year, losing 16-14 to Vanderbilt. USC, at 3-9 ATS, dodged bullets vs. Ohio State and Notre Dame this season and could easily be 6-6. Eagles have not covered last three bowls, but were giving 5 to 7 in each of those (winning a pair by 1and 3 points before last year’s 2-point loss)...Trojans 20 BC 16
DEC. 27
GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY (@ Nashville, TN):
Kentucky over Clemson taking 7 (52 ½): UPSET ALERT. This will likely feature another pairing of running teams as Clemson and Kentucky rank #16 and #17, respectively against the pass. Kentucky’s scoring defense improved a bit as the season progressed, going from 32-points per game against in Games 2 thru 4 (following opening whitewash of Miami-Ohio) down to 20 ppg-against over the final seven. If the game is close, Tigers will be at major disadvantage given 5 missed PATs and just 68% success on field goals (21 of 31). Tigers lost two close games to Joja’ Tech, but C.J. Spiller can be contained and Clemson is 0-4 ATS in last four bowls, losing the past three outright. Oh what the hell...we’ll call it...Kentucky 27 Clemson 24
DEC. 28
INDEPENDENCE (@ Shreveport, LA):
Georgia over Texas A&M giving 7 (65 1/2): No faith in this pick since initial gut-reaction was to take A&M and da’ points, but subsequent review resulted in a change toward the favorite. Two of the year’s most-penalized teams take the field here (‘Dawgs tied for 3rd with 99 hankies, Aggies drew 92 flags...good for a 9th-place tie). That fact and Georgia’s proclivity for turnovers (minus-17 overall, though just minus-5 vs. non-conference teams) could allow high-scoring A&M to make this a track meet. But only the win over Texas Tech was significant, given the remaining dubyas were against New Mexico, Utah State, UAB, Iowa State and Baylor... all in College Station. It’s all or nothin’ for TAMU once they cross midfield because the Aggies manage to score less than 77% from the red zone and only 67% on threes. Joja’ fell outta’ the Top 25 following loss to LSU, but won 4 of last 6, including victory over ACC champ Joja’ Tech to regain some momentum. Georgia’s won and covered bowls each of the last 3 years and at least covered 7 of the last 10. The double-digit SU win streak is over, but we like the bowl trend to continue...UGA 37 A&M 27
DEC. 29
EAGLEBANK (@ Washington, DC):
Temple over UCLA taking 4 (46 1/2): Owls coach, and former JoePa disciple, Al Golden should be up for Coach of Da’ Year honors for giving Temple its first post-season berth since the 1979 Garden State Bowl and a shot at a 10-win season just a year after TU suffered back-to-back 1-11 campaigns. Bruins had an interesting season, wrapping three-game win-streaks around a five-game loss skid. Owls are run-heavy behind RB Bernard Pierce’s 119 yards per game and put up 30.3 on the scoreboard. UCLA finds itself as the #98 scoring team at 21.6 ppg. Temple holds a slight red zone advantage. Bruins are better kicking field goals. Both teams convert less than 37% on 3rd Down. Not many points. That’ll favor the Birds....UCLA 21 Temple 20
CHAMPS SPORTS (@ Orlando, FL):
#14 Miami over #24 Wisconsin giving 3 (58): We think the offenses will out-play the respective defenses. Badgers prefer the ground game with #9 rusher John Clay. Pelicans will rely on sporadic QB Jacory Harris. Both offenses average better than 410 ypg each. Wisky can record 10 wins for first time since 12-1 record in 2006, but didn’t beat anyone special to get here. UW bowl record isn’t special either... just 3-4 outright, getting smoked by Florida State in ‘08 and losing to Tennessee in ‘07. ‘Canes have taken 4 of last 5 bowls (3-2 ATS). Both excel in time-of-possession. Cheeseheads score from the red zone almost 91% of the time, but Miami could take advantage of Badgers poor special teams, especially the field-goal and kick-coverage units enough to prevail...Miami 34 Wisky 29
DEC. 30
ROADY’S HUMANITARIAN (@ Boise, ID):
Bowling Green over Idaho giving 1 ½ (68 ½): Only five I-A teams have fewer total rushing yards than the Falcons. Idaho, a great story this season, has a decent semblance of a running game at 160 ypg to go with its preferred mode of throwing as well. Idaho’s #113 ranking in pass D might be a bit skewed since they played Boise State, Reno and Fresno, all of whom own a Top 14 passing offense. Birds in second bowl in five years, while the Potato-Heads are in first since 1998. Falcons on 16-5 ATS run away from home and beat the weaker teams convincingly while winning and covering 4 of last 6 to finish the regular season. Defenses in the MAC aren’t great. Defenses in the WAC just aren’t!...BGU 41 Idaho 31
PACIFIC LIFE HOLIDAY (@ San Diego, CA):
#20 Nebraska over #22 Arizona taking 1 ½ (40): Huskers have to feel snake-bitten after letting the Texas game (and the accompanying Big 12 crown) get away, much like the Virginia Tech game did early in the year. Big Red will stay mostly on the ground and let its defense do the heavy-lifting against ‘Cats passing attack. Nebraska allowed 11.2 ppg, second behind only Alabama (tempered by three games against the Sun Belt in non-conference play, but still nothing to sneeze at). AZ can run as well at about 162 ypg, but Huskers allow just 2.8 ypc and less than 96 rushing yards/game. Wildcats only 2-3-1 ATS outside of Tucson this year and though 11-3 ATS the last four years against ranked teams, they’re only 4-4 SU over last 8...Children of the Corn 19 ‘Zona 12
DEC. 31 (Uh-oh! These are Thursday games! You’ve been warned!)
BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES (@ Ft. Worth, TX):
Houston over Air Force giving 4 ½ (62 ½): The irresistible force meets the immovable object in a rematch of last year’s Armed Forces Bowl, won 34-28 by Houston. Cougars are runners-up in total offense to Boise State. Case Keenum takes his big arm (71% completion rate, 43 TD passes and 419 ypg) back to Dallas to face Air Force’s #4 rushing attack. Army and Navy have fewer passing yards than the Pilots...and that’s all folks! Flyboys held TCU to 20 points in Colorado Springs, but UH can play some D too, holding five opponents to the teens or less. Cougars have taken it up a notch since 2008. Air Force hasn’t. Keenum has not one, not two, but three very capable receivers. Tyson Carrier, alone, has as many catches per game as Air Force has throwing attempts per tilt. Should be good amount of points since collectively, these two combine for only 7 punts per game. Unless Aim High can force turnovers (+17 on the season), the result is about the same as last year...Houston 37 USAF 27
BRUT SUN (@ El Paso, TX):
#19 Stanford over Oklahoma taking 8 (56): Certainly not the spot Oklahoma expected for the post-season, but injuries and tough-luck losses to BYU and Miami derailed any shot at a title. Heisman bridesmaid Toby Gerhart racked up almost 200 more rushing yards in one less game than winner Mark Ingram. Special teams could be Oklahoma’s undoing here as Stanford’s Chris Owusu averages 32.5 yards per kick return. Sooners tallied only 17 rushing scores despite having talented runners in DeMarco Murray and Chris Brown. Trees should keep it close (and would be worth a look for an upset) in their first bowl since 2001. Sooners have been bowl-poison for backers, going 1-5 SU/ATS over last six years...Oklahoma 27 Stanford 24
TEXAS (@ Houston, TX):
Navy over Missouri taking 6 (52 ½): Middies bumbled their way to a push against Army, who was in the game until a late interception put it outta’ reach. We expect a better performance this time and hopefully the Ensigns have shored-up the kick coverage that gave the Black Knights good position throughout the game. Navy’s third-ranked ground attack produced more than three rushing touchdowns per match this year. They’ll need to continue to grind it out (averaging nearly 33 ½ minutes per game in TOP) because Mizzou can score quickly through the air behind QB Blaine Gabbert (275 ypg, 23 scores, just 7 INT) and his favorite target WR Damario Alexander (137 receiving ypg). Tigers held opponents below 97 rushing yards per game. Navy gave up just 11 touchdown passes while posting 15 interceptions. Sailors are just 2-4 SU in their last 6 bowls, but covered four of ‘em, including losses by 1 and 3 to BC and Utah, respectively before last year’s 10-point defeat to Wake Forest. On the big screen.... players discover the ability to make farm animals faint by gazing intently at them and test their newfound powers on the Middies’ mascot in...”Linemen Who Stare at Goats”...Mizzou 24 Navy 21
INSIGHT (@ Tempe, AZ):
Iowa State over Minnesota taking 2 ½ (48): Best call here is probably “under” the total as the second- and fourth-lowest scoring teams in the nation get paired in this snoozer. Gerbils were shutout twice (though by stalwart defenses of Iowa and Penn State). ISU Cyclowns come in at the 101st-ranked offense, lowest among this season’s bowl participants other than Wyoming. State, at least, has a 9-7 win over Nebraska. Ughhhhhh....ISU 19 Minny 13
CHICK-FIL-A (@ Atlanta, GA):
Tennessee over #12 Virginia Tech taking 5 (49): We considered Vols on the money line, but Hokies outright win record on Thursday nights is the stuff of legends (16-5, though only 1-1 in only two tries of ‘09)! While both clubs combine to score an average of 62 ppg, the total is a nod to the defenses, which combine to allow just 37 ppg. Both sides will run first and throw as an after-thought. The Lane Kiffin era at Rocky Top got off to a tough start, but Vols did cover against all three ranked opponents and five of last seven on the year (also winning five outright). Hokies have won and covered just 4 of their last 10 post-season trips. A victory gives Tech its sixth consecutive season with at least 10 wins...VT 22 Tennessee 19
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Last winter, Washington fessed-up to a secondary recruiting violation by new pigskin coach Steve Sarkisian, who, with Nick Holt, met with two high school seniors at a hair salon and coffee shop in LA (prior to the allowable timeframe). Hey he was just improvising on Army’s “coffee with a soldier” plan, calling his recruiting campaign...“Coffee and a Perm with a Husky”
After learning Joe Montana’s son would play for UDUB, Coach Sarkisian took a few creative liberties with a certain commercial involving “Babe” Ruth, and asked the Hall-of-Fame quarterback’s prodigy, “...You don’t happen to know any kids named ‘Rice’, do ya???!!!”
As Tom Brady and super-model Gisele Bundchen welcome their first child, Vindy flashes back to an episode of the short-lived 1970's animated series Where’s Huddles, in which center Bubba McCoy is incorrectly diagnosed as being in a “family way” and his teammates go outta’ their way to protect him on the field. (Raise yer hand if yer old enough to remember Where’s Huddles!....And if yer not.... Google it!)
The New England Patriots mascot was swept up in a sex-sting operation in Rhode Island earlier this month. Given the Pats’ 8-5 record, we're just happy somebody on the team is scoring! But we just really wanna’ know how Tiger got his hands on the costume to begin with! Hey, looks like New Hampshire’s reviewing a repeal of its adultery laws. Yo Tiger...road trip! (Oh wait...maybe he’d better just fly or “go Amtrak” or something!). Wanna’ take bets on how many of those recently-found 22 million “lost” e-mails from the Bush administration were between Tiger and a bevy of White House interns???!!!
The No Fun League has finally relented on its previous policy and is now permitting airing of Vegas advertisements during game telecasts. But still banned are any images of gambling, gambling products, pics of the Strip or casinos themselves. Hmmmm....let’s see. That would leave just...ummm...cactus, hookers and desert tortoise habitats as viable promos for Sin City!
Vindy’s 2009 Bowl Season Best Bets (thru New Year’s Eve):
Oregon State -2 ½ over BYU, Ohio/Marshall “under” 49, Stanford +8 over Oklahoma
Stay tuned. We’ll be back before ya can finish unwrapping that Zhu Zhu Hamster gift under yer tree with da’ rest of the games, Vin’s thoughts on the BCS Fiesta Bowl conspiracy, his pick for national champion, more “best bets” and, of course,.... more holiday “hash”! Meanwhile, we leave you with one of our host’s favorite holiday-tune stanzas...
“With lotsa’ beer pouring,
And all those teams scoring,
And hot chicks who cheeeeeeeeerrrr...
It’s da’ most wonderbowl tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmme
Of...da’ yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Vindy's Picks 2009 Army-Navy
Navy over Army giving 14 (@ Philadelphia): The only thing that gives us cause for pause is Navy’s still-inexplicable outright loss at Hawaii. No disrespect to the ‘Bows high-octane passing game and we acknowledge Navy’s 119th-vs.-the-pass ranking , but this IS a Middies squad that coulda’ toppled Ohio State and did, in fact, beat Notre Dame (albeit a flaky one). While this annual clash of military academies was likely moved to this week from its previous spot on Championship Weekend to give both squads more national exposure and while our proud Army officers-of-tomorrow would never grumble about it publicly, we gotta’ wonder what the Black Knights, playing under first-year coach Rich Ellerson, think about their berth in the EagleBank Bowl being handed to Temple or UCLA when a victory over the Midshipmen (unlikely, but possible) would’ve given Army its sixth win and made it automatically eligible for the game being played in D.C...their first post-season trip since 1996. Middies are already locked into the Texas Bowl, but Navy could post its first double-digit SU win record since 1905. Only one team was worse against the pass than Navy....yep....the Cadets of Army! The Ensigns went just 4-5-2 ATS this season, but have gone 9-1 SU and 8-2 ATS facing Army. The Soldiers beat the line just 3 times in 10 tries (3-4 ATS getting points) and were defeated at West Point by now 3-9 Tulane. The Middies strength, as always, is the ground game, which ranked third in the nation behind Nevada-Reno and ironically, Georgia Tech, now led by former Navy mastermind Paul Johnson. Army on the other hand, once a regular in the top five for rushing yards, has fallen to #20. The Sailors use the running backs to do most of the...if the Middies will pardon the phrase....”grunt work”, but both sides will have to look for the opposing QB when they near the goal line as both quarterbacks lead their respective teams in touchdowns scored. Freshman Trent Steelman is also the leading rusher for Army. Middies are slightly better (by 35 ypg) stopping the run. Few punts (collective average of 10 per game) and even fewer penalties (combined average of 9 hankies per match) should make for fast-moving game that we’ll give to...The Poop Deck 27 Not Quite Beaten All They Can Be Beaten 9
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
The Championship Week saw Vindicator open 2-0, hitting the Thursday nighter and Friday nighter, before struggling to finish 5-5 (140-118-1, .543) during a fortnight that had the underdogs taking at least 8 of the 10 games (9 if ya had West Virginia getting rather than giving points vs. Pitt)..
Even the usually very-reliable Boise State Broncos turned coat, winning by just 35 over New Mexico State, dropping the lock record to 5-9 (.357...a nice firearm, but a lousy betting percentage).
Vindy split his pair of “best bets” last week to move the season tally to 27-31 (.466)
In July, the Pentagon said it wouldn’t ban tobacco products in war zones. In related news, the NCAA won’t prohibit consumption of dehydrated pork patties from MREs (meals-ready-to-eat) in the huddle during Army football games!
Former West Point footballer Caleb Campbell, who got shut outta’ the NFL because of his military obligation, will get a shot at being brakeman for the U.S. Olympic bobsled team in 2010. He’s also qualified to return fire via the onboard 50-calibre machine-guns in the event of attack by hostile athletes from other nations during sled runs!
In May, Army Spc. Zachary Boyd got kudos from Secretary of Defense Robert Gates for joining the fray vs. the enemy in Afghanistan wearing a K-pot, body armor and pink boxers bearing the phrase “I Love New York”. Vindy did likewise sporting Nittany Lion boxers during his service time in the 80's in Germany (OK, it was during a peace-time field exercise and we were actually wearing Bob the Builder Underoos).
We’ll back in about 10 days with the first set of bowl selections. Coming soon....Vin will also give his reasons why the TCU-Boise State bowl pairing is a conspiracy by the BCS! Stay tuned!
Now if you’ll pardon our hero, he’s off to swindle a co-worker outta’ some money as part of the office holiday grift exchange (and he’s still pondering what to buy for that whole “Secretion Santa” thing!)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
The Championship Week saw Vindicator open 2-0, hitting the Thursday nighter and Friday nighter, before struggling to finish 5-5 (140-118-1, .543) during a fortnight that had the underdogs taking at least 8 of the 10 games (9 if ya had West Virginia getting rather than giving points vs. Pitt)..
Even the usually very-reliable Boise State Broncos turned coat, winning by just 35 over New Mexico State, dropping the lock record to 5-9 (.357...a nice firearm, but a lousy betting percentage).
Vindy split his pair of “best bets” last week to move the season tally to 27-31 (.466)
In July, the Pentagon said it wouldn’t ban tobacco products in war zones. In related news, the NCAA won’t prohibit consumption of dehydrated pork patties from MREs (meals-ready-to-eat) in the huddle during Army football games!
Former West Point footballer Caleb Campbell, who got shut outta’ the NFL because of his military obligation, will get a shot at being brakeman for the U.S. Olympic bobsled team in 2010. He’s also qualified to return fire via the onboard 50-calibre machine-guns in the event of attack by hostile athletes from other nations during sled runs!
In May, Army Spc. Zachary Boyd got kudos from Secretary of Defense Robert Gates for joining the fray vs. the enemy in Afghanistan wearing a K-pot, body armor and pink boxers bearing the phrase “I Love New York”. Vindy did likewise sporting Nittany Lion boxers during his service time in the 80's in Germany (OK, it was during a peace-time field exercise and we were actually wearing Bob the Builder Underoos).
We’ll back in about 10 days with the first set of bowl selections. Coming soon....Vin will also give his reasons why the TCU-Boise State bowl pairing is a conspiracy by the BCS! Stay tuned!
Now if you’ll pardon our hero, he’s off to swindle a co-worker outta’ some money as part of the office holiday grift exchange (and he’s still pondering what to buy for that whole “Secretion Santa” thing!)
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Vindy's Picks 2009 Championship Week
SHOW’S END TO IMPACT 2011 POST-SEASON
CHICAGO, Illinois (Reuters)...Throw out the records. Shred the polls. New Mexico State versus Louisiana-Lafayette for the National Title?! It could happen. Fed up with the current system and having the blessing of President Obama, longtime champion of the underdog and advocate of a college football playoff, Oprah Winfrey will alter the post-season landscape two years from now by giving away berths to the five BCS bowls during the final airing of her talk show in 2011. The most powerful woman in the U.S., and arguably the world, has purchased the rights to the BCS and in the wake of what’s being dubbed the “HARPO Championship Series”, head coaches from all 120 Division I-A teams, as well as assistants and coordinators who could be at a team’s helm by then, lined up immediately to buy spots in the audience for the daytime diva’s finale. Utah Senator Orrin Hatch hailed the decision as “a significant blow struck on behalf of the little guys”. One of the show’s producers said there was hope of seeing a joyous coach pull a “Tom Cruise” and jump up and down on Oprah’s sofa.
Vindicator never really got any traction last week, slipping and sliding to a mere 7-11 (135-113-1, .544). (The only week in which we had less than 9 forecast victories). No doubt, the result of fatigue. After all...Vindy won’t get a bye until after...
THE WEBER KID’S 2009 CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK FORECAST
THURS. DEC. 3
#13 Oregon State over #7 OREGON taking 10: The PAC-10's Rose Bowl spot up for grabs here. Ducks hung 65 on State (at Corvallis) last year and now have just five defeats on the Pond in as many seasons. Beavers almost lost at UNLV, but are 4-1 ATS (5-0 SU) on the road this season, with three of those wins as dogs. We expect an exciting game featuring State’s Rodgers brothers keeping it close against Decoys’ rushing game. The NCAA pooh-poohed a recently-done rap song touting the Mallards, but how can ya not like a song that includes “Holy Moly”, “Masoli” and “ravioli” in the same stanza???!!!...Oregon 31 Beavers 29
FRI. DEC. 4
MAC Championship @ Detroit, Michigan
Ohio over Central Michigan taking 13 1/2: Chippies’ only two losses came at Arizona and at Boston College, and got a nice upset win over Michigan State getting two touchdowns, then posted its first-ever perfect conference regular season tally (8-0). Only two of CMU’s opponents have held it under 20 points in any game. First appearance in the picks this season for both teams as neither has faced a ranked foe, but it’s the third trip in four years to the conference title game for Central Michigan and second in three years for Ohio. CMU beat the Bobblecats 31-28 last year at home and 31-10 in 2006 MAC Championship. OU, 9-3 outright and on 7-2 spread run, knocked off Temple 35-17 last week in a minor upset to get here and we remember Buffalo’s upset of heavily-favored Ball State this time last year...CMU 29 Ohio 24
SAT. DEC. 5
SEC Championship @ Atlanta, Georgia
#1 Florida over #2 Alabama giving 5 1/2: No surprise that a pair of Heisman candidates meet up in this one...Tim Tebow and Mark Ingram, who was as much a factor in ‘Bama’s win over Auburn as Mike Vick has been in Eagles games. Gators could take a page from the Tigers ground game to effectively chew up yardage. In addition, poor punting and even poorer punt coverage by Auburn allowed Tide to come back from early 14-point deficit in the Iron Bowl. Gators just 3-4 ATS in past seven this season, though have gone 2-0 the past pair. Florida beat the Tide 31-20 last year and 28-13 in 2006. UF has 3 covers in eight SEC games, but all of those lines were much bigger than this one. First dog role for ‘Bama in 2009. Gators barely beat the line in only other tilt vs. a ranked foe (LSU, 13-3). Tide 1-1-1 in three tries vs. the Top 25. Vindy joins readers who offered tongue-in-cheek “compliments” to Tim Tebow at Tidefans.com this week, noting “Tim Tebow is so awesome...(altogether now...HOW AWESOME IS HE?!)...he’s the one who got uninvited couple, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, past security at the recent White House dinner event.” ...Crocs 20 Elephants 10
Big 12 Championship @ San Antonio, Texas
#3 Texas over #21 Nebraska giving 13 1/2: We think the Steers were looking ahead, letting A&M hang around long enough to get the cover (and it could’ve been closer had Texas not managed a mid-4th Quarter kickoff return for a 95-yard score!) and yielding (GASP!) 532 yards to the Aggies. Children of the Corn are mired in 2-5 ATS slide, but have won five consecutive games since ugly 9-7 home loss to Iowa State. Last meeting was 2007's 28-25 victory by the ‘Horns in Austin over nearly-three-TD underdog Nebraska. A comparison of the two squads vs. common Big 12 opponents shows significant edge to Texas, who edged Oklahoma by 3 on a neutral field, beat Texas Tech by 10 and hammered Baylor, Kansas and Mizzou. Big Dread dropped the Sooners at home by 7, lost by three scores to Tech, beat Baylor by 10, Kansas by 14 and the Tigers by 15. While the Steers can play for the big crystal with a one-point victory, there IS that pesky Heisman thing for Colt McCoy. The (Big 12) North shall rise again...someday...Longhorns 34 Nebraska 17
#5 Cincinnati over #14 PITT giving 1 1/2: De Facto Big East championship game. While Pitt RB Lewis outdid his West Virginia counterpart, Noel Devine, 155-134 in rushing yards, the remainder of Devine’s teammates chipped in and helped WVU beat the Panthers in last week’s field goal party, while the Illini got basically a backdoor cover vs. Cincy with a very late touchdown. Pitt had won three straight vs. the Bearkats before Cincinnati’s 28-21 win in 2008. ‘Kats have kept most of their opponents’ scoring in the teens, but gave up 45 to UConn (no shame in that) and 36 to the Illini (?????!!!!!). Cincy beat could-be-PAC-10 champion Oregon State by 10 on the road. Pitt’s best victory might’ve been over Navy by 13 at home. Bearkats’ secret weapon could be former QB-turned-WR Guidugli, who re-emerged last week with a couple scoring catches at WR...Cincinnati 27 Pitt 20
#6 BOISE STATE over New Mexico State giving 48: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Our apologies to the Broncos as we erroneously noted last week that Boise State’s spread record this season was 6-5, when in fact, that record belonged to last week’s opponent, Nevada-Reno (BSU actually stands tall at 8-3). Fresh off acquiescing to Vindy’s predicted ATS loss vs. the aforementioned Wolfpack, Broncos get back to the regularly-scheduled opening of “a can” on the Aggies in one final effort to impress BCS pollsters enough to garner an at-large spot in one of the big dollar games. Aggies have been on the business end of back-to-back shutouts by Boise, to the tune of 107-0 and has scored 7or less five times this season vs. lesser competition... Boise State 56 NMSU 3
C-USA Championship @ Orlando, Florida
#18 Houston over East Carolina giving 2 1/2: This is an awful lotta’ love being given to the Pirates and it could be based on a couple of things: ECU’s ability to knock off ranked teams last year as a dog (but lost SU and ATS in both opportunities this season vs. Virginia Tech and North Carolina), ECU’s conference title game victory in 2008 over Tulsa as a big dog and maybe Houston’s one-point win at Tulsa this season. Houston will break the 7000 yard mark on offense with the first two yards it gains this week. Coogs only two defeats came at UTEP and at Central Florida. Neutral field here may give the Bucs some hope, but they’ll have to do it on D because they won’t win a shootout vs. this powerful offense...Houston 31 ECU 24
WASHINGTON over #19 California taking 7: With its once-promising season now in the tank, Huskies at least got the satisfaction of 30-0 triumph over rival Wazzou (costing Vindy a “best bet” wager). Bears smoked UDUB in Berkeley last year, 48-7. On the plus-side for Washington (or at least its betting backers)...the Sled Dogs are 4-2 ATS near the Space Needle (including upsets of USC and Arizona) and though Cal’s won five of its last six coming in, Bears have not covered one-touchdown spreads in three tries to-date. Last Spring, Joe Montana’s son, Nick, committed to Washington, where he’ll compete at QB. In related news, Nick’s sibling, Hannah Montana, still a junior, will also play ball on scholarship at UDUB and will vie for the starting spot at free safety!...Cal 20-17
Arizona over #20 USC taking 7: ‘Cats are off hard-fought, last-second win over Arizona State for just their second road victory in five away games. AZ defends the run well enough to force Matt Barkley into making some plays with his arm. Cats could be tired starting third road tilt in four weeks. Trojans won 17-10 last year and 20-13 in 2007. Including bowls, USC has covered 6 of last 7 following the UCLA game, but are 2-6 ATS vs. the PAC-10 in 2009 and 12-22-1 the past four years. Whatever the outcome, at least there won’t be any of that silliness that nearly led to an on-field melee between the Trojans and Bruins...Troy 20 AZ 14
ACC Championship @ Tampa, Florida
#21 Georgia Tech over #25 Clemson giving 1: Both come into this game suffering outright defeats at the hands of SEC rivals, with both favored to win those games. The Gamehens allowed CJ Spiller to rip off the opening kick for an 88-yard score then held him to 37 total rushing and receiving yards the rest of the way. Wanna’ bet GT was studying THAT game-film???!!! The Bees have won four of last five against the Tigers, covering three of those wins. Second trip to the conference title game for Tech, who lost 9-6 to Wake Forest in 2006. Clemson busts its ACC championship cherry this year. Tigers 49th vs. the rush, but have yielded just six TDs on the ground...’Jackets 30 Clemson 27
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
New Lincoln pennies were minted and the USPS released four new Lincoln stamps in 2009...and none of ‘em honored the Huskers!
Who needed tryptophan when Thanksgiving viewers could watch the somnambulistic offenses of Detroit, New York and Oakland, who collectively scored 25 points on Turkey Day...one more than the lowest-scoring winning NFL team, the Dallas Cowboys (24).
Chad Ochocinco jokingly sought a job application for the off-season at Target last week. Maybe he should try Walmart for the highly-coveted “greeter” position. Oh wait...that’s already been promised to Brett Favre!
Over the holiday weekend, at least one report had Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, taking a golf club to the windows or windshield of the golf icon’s car in the aftermath of a domestic quarrel. Against the advice of her caddy, she used a five-wood rather than a nine-iron, but the ball took a favorable bounce and she saved par when it dropped off the hood onto the road and rolled down the nearby street drain!
In light of the Ducks-Beavers pairing this week, we note that some members of Oregon’s Ultimate Frisbee team dropped trou, and the unmentionables as well, during an April match at Oregon State, whose players went shirtless. The violations eventually cost UO its season, but not before the game in question was dubbed as “Peeking Duck vs. Topless Beaver”!!!!
SEASON RECAP:
Best Weekly Effort: Week Eight’s nifty 15-7
Worst Weekly “Effort”: In July, astronaut Koichi Wakata spent a solid month aboard the International Space Station sporting a single pair of high-tech, odor-less undies. His crewmates reportedly had nary a clue. In a recent follow-up study, the famous forecaster did likewise, but was ferreted out after just a few days. Seems the quickly-detected foul aroma wasn’t emanating from Weber’s experimental Underoos. It was coming from his Week 13 picks!
WEBER-FRIENDLIES (Best percentage on the predicted side of the spread; minimum 7 at-bats in the forecast): This season’s “You’re in Good Hands Award” goes to...drum roll, please...the Boise State Broncos, who at 10-1 (.909) did not disappoint Vindicator the rest of the regular season after posting an “L” for the season-opening Oregon game. We have a tie for bridesmaid between Alabama and TCU (both at 8-3, .727). Sharing Honorable Mention, it’s Mississippi and Georgia (who took home the Good Hands hardware last season), both whom reached post-season award eligibility with their respective 7th appearances last week to finish at 5-2 (.714).
FLAME-THROWERS (Worst percentage on the predicted side of ‘da spread): This year’s “Grill-Master Supreme Award” winner is Ohio State (3-9,.250) A surprising “Suckin’ Place” to Nebraska at 2-5 (.286). Big Dread sneaked in undetected while we were busy lamenting the aforementioned Suckeyes and “Dishonorable Mention” recipient, LSU (4-8, .333)
Didn’t make the cut, but we’ll be watchin’: the Pelicans of Miami (4-7, .364) and longtime Vindy PITA....Texas Tech, who posted four losses and a push in five tries this year, a little short of qualifying for post-season ass-colades, following the much-maligned 2-9 last season.
Thank you for playing: The Vandy Commodores went 5-0 in as many at-bats for your humble host!
Black Shirt: This week, we present the great garment to Nevada-Reno WR Tray Session for grabbing the Wolfpack’s covering touchdown pass with a buck-sixteen on the clock vs. Boise State.
Shoppe Talk: The Florida Gators, South Carolina Gamehens and West Virginia Mounties have burned Vindy three straight times each!
“Locked in a Box?”: We can’t buy a lock this year as North Carolina fell outright to NC State, lowering the lock tally to 5-8 (.385).
Vindy’s Championship Week Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 26-30 (.464)
UCONN -7 ½ over South Florida, USC-Arizona UNDER 49 1/2
Vin takes a breather and heads out to water the Shaqtus before logging on to World of Warcraft in search of his free Night-Elf mohawk grenade! Not to worry....we’ll return circa December 18 with our infamous bowl predictions (and we might even provide some bonus coverage this time next week with our thoughts on the Army-Navy game!)
CHICAGO, Illinois (Reuters)...Throw out the records. Shred the polls. New Mexico State versus Louisiana-Lafayette for the National Title?! It could happen. Fed up with the current system and having the blessing of President Obama, longtime champion of the underdog and advocate of a college football playoff, Oprah Winfrey will alter the post-season landscape two years from now by giving away berths to the five BCS bowls during the final airing of her talk show in 2011. The most powerful woman in the U.S., and arguably the world, has purchased the rights to the BCS and in the wake of what’s being dubbed the “HARPO Championship Series”, head coaches from all 120 Division I-A teams, as well as assistants and coordinators who could be at a team’s helm by then, lined up immediately to buy spots in the audience for the daytime diva’s finale. Utah Senator Orrin Hatch hailed the decision as “a significant blow struck on behalf of the little guys”. One of the show’s producers said there was hope of seeing a joyous coach pull a “Tom Cruise” and jump up and down on Oprah’s sofa.
Vindicator never really got any traction last week, slipping and sliding to a mere 7-11 (135-113-1, .544). (The only week in which we had less than 9 forecast victories). No doubt, the result of fatigue. After all...Vindy won’t get a bye until after...
THE WEBER KID’S 2009 CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK FORECAST
THURS. DEC. 3
#13 Oregon State over #7 OREGON taking 10: The PAC-10's Rose Bowl spot up for grabs here. Ducks hung 65 on State (at Corvallis) last year and now have just five defeats on the Pond in as many seasons. Beavers almost lost at UNLV, but are 4-1 ATS (5-0 SU) on the road this season, with three of those wins as dogs. We expect an exciting game featuring State’s Rodgers brothers keeping it close against Decoys’ rushing game. The NCAA pooh-poohed a recently-done rap song touting the Mallards, but how can ya not like a song that includes “Holy Moly”, “Masoli” and “ravioli” in the same stanza???!!!...Oregon 31 Beavers 29
FRI. DEC. 4
MAC Championship @ Detroit, Michigan
Ohio over Central Michigan taking 13 1/2: Chippies’ only two losses came at Arizona and at Boston College, and got a nice upset win over Michigan State getting two touchdowns, then posted its first-ever perfect conference regular season tally (8-0). Only two of CMU’s opponents have held it under 20 points in any game. First appearance in the picks this season for both teams as neither has faced a ranked foe, but it’s the third trip in four years to the conference title game for Central Michigan and second in three years for Ohio. CMU beat the Bobblecats 31-28 last year at home and 31-10 in 2006 MAC Championship. OU, 9-3 outright and on 7-2 spread run, knocked off Temple 35-17 last week in a minor upset to get here and we remember Buffalo’s upset of heavily-favored Ball State this time last year...CMU 29 Ohio 24
SAT. DEC. 5
SEC Championship @ Atlanta, Georgia
#1 Florida over #2 Alabama giving 5 1/2: No surprise that a pair of Heisman candidates meet up in this one...Tim Tebow and Mark Ingram, who was as much a factor in ‘Bama’s win over Auburn as Mike Vick has been in Eagles games. Gators could take a page from the Tigers ground game to effectively chew up yardage. In addition, poor punting and even poorer punt coverage by Auburn allowed Tide to come back from early 14-point deficit in the Iron Bowl. Gators just 3-4 ATS in past seven this season, though have gone 2-0 the past pair. Florida beat the Tide 31-20 last year and 28-13 in 2006. UF has 3 covers in eight SEC games, but all of those lines were much bigger than this one. First dog role for ‘Bama in 2009. Gators barely beat the line in only other tilt vs. a ranked foe (LSU, 13-3). Tide 1-1-1 in three tries vs. the Top 25. Vindy joins readers who offered tongue-in-cheek “compliments” to Tim Tebow at Tidefans.com this week, noting “Tim Tebow is so awesome...(altogether now...HOW AWESOME IS HE?!)...he’s the one who got uninvited couple, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, past security at the recent White House dinner event.” ...Crocs 20 Elephants 10
Big 12 Championship @ San Antonio, Texas
#3 Texas over #21 Nebraska giving 13 1/2: We think the Steers were looking ahead, letting A&M hang around long enough to get the cover (and it could’ve been closer had Texas not managed a mid-4th Quarter kickoff return for a 95-yard score!) and yielding (GASP!) 532 yards to the Aggies. Children of the Corn are mired in 2-5 ATS slide, but have won five consecutive games since ugly 9-7 home loss to Iowa State. Last meeting was 2007's 28-25 victory by the ‘Horns in Austin over nearly-three-TD underdog Nebraska. A comparison of the two squads vs. common Big 12 opponents shows significant edge to Texas, who edged Oklahoma by 3 on a neutral field, beat Texas Tech by 10 and hammered Baylor, Kansas and Mizzou. Big Dread dropped the Sooners at home by 7, lost by three scores to Tech, beat Baylor by 10, Kansas by 14 and the Tigers by 15. While the Steers can play for the big crystal with a one-point victory, there IS that pesky Heisman thing for Colt McCoy. The (Big 12) North shall rise again...someday...Longhorns 34 Nebraska 17
#5 Cincinnati over #14 PITT giving 1 1/2: De Facto Big East championship game. While Pitt RB Lewis outdid his West Virginia counterpart, Noel Devine, 155-134 in rushing yards, the remainder of Devine’s teammates chipped in and helped WVU beat the Panthers in last week’s field goal party, while the Illini got basically a backdoor cover vs. Cincy with a very late touchdown. Pitt had won three straight vs. the Bearkats before Cincinnati’s 28-21 win in 2008. ‘Kats have kept most of their opponents’ scoring in the teens, but gave up 45 to UConn (no shame in that) and 36 to the Illini (?????!!!!!). Cincy beat could-be-PAC-10 champion Oregon State by 10 on the road. Pitt’s best victory might’ve been over Navy by 13 at home. Bearkats’ secret weapon could be former QB-turned-WR Guidugli, who re-emerged last week with a couple scoring catches at WR...Cincinnati 27 Pitt 20
#6 BOISE STATE over New Mexico State giving 48: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Our apologies to the Broncos as we erroneously noted last week that Boise State’s spread record this season was 6-5, when in fact, that record belonged to last week’s opponent, Nevada-Reno (BSU actually stands tall at 8-3). Fresh off acquiescing to Vindy’s predicted ATS loss vs. the aforementioned Wolfpack, Broncos get back to the regularly-scheduled opening of “a can” on the Aggies in one final effort to impress BCS pollsters enough to garner an at-large spot in one of the big dollar games. Aggies have been on the business end of back-to-back shutouts by Boise, to the tune of 107-0 and has scored 7or less five times this season vs. lesser competition... Boise State 56 NMSU 3
C-USA Championship @ Orlando, Florida
#18 Houston over East Carolina giving 2 1/2: This is an awful lotta’ love being given to the Pirates and it could be based on a couple of things: ECU’s ability to knock off ranked teams last year as a dog (but lost SU and ATS in both opportunities this season vs. Virginia Tech and North Carolina), ECU’s conference title game victory in 2008 over Tulsa as a big dog and maybe Houston’s one-point win at Tulsa this season. Houston will break the 7000 yard mark on offense with the first two yards it gains this week. Coogs only two defeats came at UTEP and at Central Florida. Neutral field here may give the Bucs some hope, but they’ll have to do it on D because they won’t win a shootout vs. this powerful offense...Houston 31 ECU 24
WASHINGTON over #19 California taking 7: With its once-promising season now in the tank, Huskies at least got the satisfaction of 30-0 triumph over rival Wazzou (costing Vindy a “best bet” wager). Bears smoked UDUB in Berkeley last year, 48-7. On the plus-side for Washington (or at least its betting backers)...the Sled Dogs are 4-2 ATS near the Space Needle (including upsets of USC and Arizona) and though Cal’s won five of its last six coming in, Bears have not covered one-touchdown spreads in three tries to-date. Last Spring, Joe Montana’s son, Nick, committed to Washington, where he’ll compete at QB. In related news, Nick’s sibling, Hannah Montana, still a junior, will also play ball on scholarship at UDUB and will vie for the starting spot at free safety!...Cal 20-17
Arizona over #20 USC taking 7: ‘Cats are off hard-fought, last-second win over Arizona State for just their second road victory in five away games. AZ defends the run well enough to force Matt Barkley into making some plays with his arm. Cats could be tired starting third road tilt in four weeks. Trojans won 17-10 last year and 20-13 in 2007. Including bowls, USC has covered 6 of last 7 following the UCLA game, but are 2-6 ATS vs. the PAC-10 in 2009 and 12-22-1 the past four years. Whatever the outcome, at least there won’t be any of that silliness that nearly led to an on-field melee between the Trojans and Bruins...Troy 20 AZ 14
ACC Championship @ Tampa, Florida
#21 Georgia Tech over #25 Clemson giving 1: Both come into this game suffering outright defeats at the hands of SEC rivals, with both favored to win those games. The Gamehens allowed CJ Spiller to rip off the opening kick for an 88-yard score then held him to 37 total rushing and receiving yards the rest of the way. Wanna’ bet GT was studying THAT game-film???!!! The Bees have won four of last five against the Tigers, covering three of those wins. Second trip to the conference title game for Tech, who lost 9-6 to Wake Forest in 2006. Clemson busts its ACC championship cherry this year. Tigers 49th vs. the rush, but have yielded just six TDs on the ground...’Jackets 30 Clemson 27
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
New Lincoln pennies were minted and the USPS released four new Lincoln stamps in 2009...and none of ‘em honored the Huskers!
Who needed tryptophan when Thanksgiving viewers could watch the somnambulistic offenses of Detroit, New York and Oakland, who collectively scored 25 points on Turkey Day...one more than the lowest-scoring winning NFL team, the Dallas Cowboys (24).
Chad Ochocinco jokingly sought a job application for the off-season at Target last week. Maybe he should try Walmart for the highly-coveted “greeter” position. Oh wait...that’s already been promised to Brett Favre!
Over the holiday weekend, at least one report had Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, taking a golf club to the windows or windshield of the golf icon’s car in the aftermath of a domestic quarrel. Against the advice of her caddy, she used a five-wood rather than a nine-iron, but the ball took a favorable bounce and she saved par when it dropped off the hood onto the road and rolled down the nearby street drain!
In light of the Ducks-Beavers pairing this week, we note that some members of Oregon’s Ultimate Frisbee team dropped trou, and the unmentionables as well, during an April match at Oregon State, whose players went shirtless. The violations eventually cost UO its season, but not before the game in question was dubbed as “Peeking Duck vs. Topless Beaver”!!!!
SEASON RECAP:
Best Weekly Effort: Week Eight’s nifty 15-7
Worst Weekly “Effort”: In July, astronaut Koichi Wakata spent a solid month aboard the International Space Station sporting a single pair of high-tech, odor-less undies. His crewmates reportedly had nary a clue. In a recent follow-up study, the famous forecaster did likewise, but was ferreted out after just a few days. Seems the quickly-detected foul aroma wasn’t emanating from Weber’s experimental Underoos. It was coming from his Week 13 picks!
WEBER-FRIENDLIES (Best percentage on the predicted side of the spread; minimum 7 at-bats in the forecast): This season’s “You’re in Good Hands Award” goes to...drum roll, please...the Boise State Broncos, who at 10-1 (.909) did not disappoint Vindicator the rest of the regular season after posting an “L” for the season-opening Oregon game. We have a tie for bridesmaid between Alabama and TCU (both at 8-3, .727). Sharing Honorable Mention, it’s Mississippi and Georgia (who took home the Good Hands hardware last season), both whom reached post-season award eligibility with their respective 7th appearances last week to finish at 5-2 (.714).
FLAME-THROWERS (Worst percentage on the predicted side of ‘da spread): This year’s “Grill-Master Supreme Award” winner is Ohio State (3-9,.250) A surprising “Suckin’ Place” to Nebraska at 2-5 (.286). Big Dread sneaked in undetected while we were busy lamenting the aforementioned Suckeyes and “Dishonorable Mention” recipient, LSU (4-8, .333)
Didn’t make the cut, but we’ll be watchin’: the Pelicans of Miami (4-7, .364) and longtime Vindy PITA....Texas Tech, who posted four losses and a push in five tries this year, a little short of qualifying for post-season ass-colades, following the much-maligned 2-9 last season.
Thank you for playing: The Vandy Commodores went 5-0 in as many at-bats for your humble host!
Black Shirt: This week, we present the great garment to Nevada-Reno WR Tray Session for grabbing the Wolfpack’s covering touchdown pass with a buck-sixteen on the clock vs. Boise State.
Shoppe Talk: The Florida Gators, South Carolina Gamehens and West Virginia Mounties have burned Vindy three straight times each!
“Locked in a Box?”: We can’t buy a lock this year as North Carolina fell outright to NC State, lowering the lock tally to 5-8 (.385).
Vindy’s Championship Week Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 26-30 (.464)
UCONN -7 ½ over South Florida, USC-Arizona UNDER 49 1/2
Vin takes a breather and heads out to water the Shaqtus before logging on to World of Warcraft in search of his free Night-Elf mohawk grenade! Not to worry....we’ll return circa December 18 with our infamous bowl predictions (and we might even provide some bonus coverage this time next week with our thoughts on the Army-Navy game!)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Vindy's Picks Week 13-2009
NFL ANTI-NAVAL
NEW YORK, New York (UPI)...After banning the Captain Morgan pose recently, it turns out the National Football League is not anti-alcohol, but anti-maritime. The discovery of a secret rule book at NFL headquarters has led to revelations about the league’s objections to all references to sea-faring things. Forbidden in any stadium or promotion of any team are references to Sinbad or Popeye, the showing of film clips of Johnny Depp in his role as Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, Cap’n Crunch on the teams training tables and the playing of such songs as ”In the Navy” by the Village People, “Brick House” by the Commodores or “Muskrat Love” by the Captain & Tennille. The book even outlaws whistling the Old Spice theme tune. There were also plans to covertly pressure the Raiders and Buccaneers into changing their objectionable team monikers. One anonymous official said if current members of the Nautical Fuggheddaboutit League oversaw the Massachusetts Port Authority at the time, the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria would’ve never landed on American shores!
A 2-0 record before Saturday’s games kicked off helped our hero overcome a pair of bad beats and propelled the pretentious prognosticator to 11-9 (128-102-1, .557) in Week 12. A local fisherman, while cleaning out his nets today, threw back an old tire, some license plates and a small chest full of gold doubloons, but held on to....
THE WEBER KID’S 2009 WEEK 13 FORECAST
(Official picks of the Spanish Armada and the Harvard-Yale Regatta)
THURS. NOV. 26
#3 Texas over TEXAS A&M giving 21: Steers are in good shape at the #3 spot in the BCS and need to stay healthy for the Big 12 title game. UT has covered four of last five games in ‘09, but while points-scored has increased over the last three (35-47-51), points-allowed has also gone up (3-14-20). Aggies have covered 4 of last 5 vs. Texas in College Station and while having covered five of last six games this year, including easy SU win at Texas Tech, A&M has been clobbered by the better teams on its schedule. ‘Horns won 49-9 last year and recorded another blow- out in ‘03, but the games in-between have been decided by 13 or less. Colt McCoy logged almost 400 yards vs. Kansas. The Heisman trek continues... Cattle 41 A&M 17
FRI. NOV. 27
AUBURN over #2 Alabama taking 10: Tigers have seven SU wins on the season and would love nothing more to register the eighth at the expense of Iron Bowl rival ‘Bama. We see this as another OSU-Michigan, with the favorite winning, but the dog taking home the moolah. Other than last year’s 36-zippo Tide win, the previous six years were won SU by Aubie, by 10 or fewer. Tigers in rare home dog spot and have covered 2 of the last three as such. Two of Auburn’s four defeats this year were by 21, while the other pair was by 7...Alabama 21 Auburn 12
#5 CINCINNATI over Illinois giving 20 ½: After last week’s bye, Tony Pike is expected to start this week at QB (following a couple of cameo appearances in which he came in deep on a couple drives vs. West Virginia and accounted for 14 of Cincy’s 24 points). Bearkats blew the cover in the game via an early lost fumble (first on the year) and a missed FG. Illini don’t have much to play for, while UC is trying to surpass TCU in the BCS poll. Illinois did not cover vs. Penn State or Ohio State. ‘Kats can bang the scoreboard...Cincy 38 Illinois 13
Nevada-Reno over #6 BOISE STATE taking 13 1/2: Broncos have kindly faltered when Vindy has previously predicted a spread loss. We’re hopin’ they oblige once again. State needs a big win (and probably unlikely outright losses by TCU and/or Cincinnati) to grab a BCS berth. BSU has 7 covers, a push and a loss in last 9 vs. Reno. Broncos giving up 4 more points per game than last year. Wolfpack has topped 50 in five games already and has three players over 1000 yards each, but has failed in its last 7 vs. ranked teams. Tater-Heads are just 6-5 ATS this year...BSU 38 UNR 33
#8 Pittsburgh over WEST VIRGINIA (PK): Panthers seem to finally have it all together and will counter Mounties’ RB Joel Devine with their own workhorse, RB Dion Lewis (129 ypg). Pitt’s only outright loss came surprisingly at NC State in late September. West Virginia looks to payback close 19-15 loss in last season’s edition of the Backyard Brawl...Pitt 24 WVU 20
SAT. NOV. 28
Florida State over #1 FLORIDA taking 24 1/2: Earlier this summer, the NCAA Committee on Infractions responded to Florida State’s appeal of sanctions, but kept its answer classified, allowing the school 15 days to respond . Dick Cheney wasn’t responding to media calls and Nancy Pelosi said the CIA misled her on that too! Tebow played into the 3rd Quarter of rout vs. FIU before giving way to his back-up, Brantley. How long will he go this week with SEC title game next? Gators have won each of the last two years by at least 30...Crocs 38 ‘Noles 16
#4 TCU over New Mexico giving 44 1/2: Almost locked the Amphibians for a second straight week. Toads covered and landed Vindy’s first lock win in five tries last week, but need to take it up a notch to hold paper-thin lead over Cincinnati in the BCS rankings. In September, the FDA verified that remains found in a can of Diet Pepsi belonged to a frog or a toad....and officials in Ft. Worth still ain’t talkin’ ...TCU 54 Low-bos 6
#7 GEORGIA TECH over Georgia giving 7: Rested Bees are looking to post their first 11-win season since 1990's National Co-Champion squad, while ‘Dawgs, who wasted a 20-7 halftime lead and lost by 7 to Kentucky last week, are potentially going to have worst SU win total since 1996's 5-6 campaign that was led by Mike Bobo at QB. Joja’ has three covers in ten games on the year and this is only the second time in six seasons that UGA isn’t ranked for this match-up...GT 28 Georgia 7
#9 Ohio State: IDLE (next...da’ Rose Bowl)
#10 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Oregon State 12/3)
#11 Oklahoma State over OKLAHOMA taking 9 1/2: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. QB Zac Robinson is expected to return from the injury that knocked him outta’ Texas Tech game and start the 2009 Bedlam. Even if he doesn’t or can’t go the distance, 3rd stringer Brandon Weeden can keep the pressure on the Sooners D. OU will start a new center this week. That’s got “botched snap” written all over it. Shootout that should give State its first Bedlam cover in five years and its first outright victory since 2002...Cowpokes 34 Sooners 31
#12 Penn State: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#13 Iowa: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#14 Virginia Tech over VIRGINIA giving 15 1/2: Hokies haven’t beaten the Cavs by this many since 2006, but are on 3-0 SU/ATS run since losing to North Carolina, giving up a total of 22 points in those tilts. Tech RB Williams went for 120 rushing yards and three scores, with WR Boykin pitching in 164 yards on 6 catches. Virginia won’t be able to throw effectively vs. stout VT pass defense if it gets down early...Tech 28 Cavs 10
#15 Clemson over SOUTH CAROLINA giving 3: Gamehens got a much-needed bye last week following 10-point loss to Florida and are floundering in 2-4 ATS skid after opening 4-0. Tigers won 31-14 at home in ‘08, but won only 13-9 and 23-21 the past two visits to Columbia. Clemson building a head of steam as it rolls into the ACC Championship game next week having won six straight following defeat by the Terps. Can Steve Spurrier gameplan for CJ Spiller? (We are, however, rather puzzled by Tigers’ sudden lack of scoring, taking a 13-point lead into the 4th Quarter vs. Virginia, who had 21 points of their own. Did Cavs defense suddenly come to play? Did Clemson elect to put the game in the hands of its own D? Did someone in Vegas make a phone call to the sideline?). It’s a rivalry, so Clemson won’t be looking ahead...Clemson 20 Poultry 13
#16 Oregon State: IDLE (next @ Oregon 12/3)
Arkansas over #17 LSU taking 3 1/2: No faith in the Tigers since they can’t seem to get out of their own way of late, losing two of three SU and scraping by Weeziana Tech. Hogs take their busload of super sophomores and their scoring machine (48.5 ppg over last four) into Not-Quite-Dead-Yet Valley...and win for the second straight season (Pigs took it 31-30 in 2008)...Arkansas 27 LSU 24
#22 Utah over #18 BYU taking 7 1/2: Coogs got four uncharacteristic turnovers from Air Force, making your humble host look like a Nostradamic ninny for tagging the Flyboys as his upset pick of da’ week. Winner is likely off to Sin City for the post-season and the key match-up should be Max Hall’s passing (300 yards per game) against Utah’s pass defense (100 yards per game). Utes won 48-24 last season and have permitted just two opponents to score more than 17 (Oregon and TCU, both on the road)...BYU 20 Utah 17
#19 Miami over SOUTH FLORIDA giving 6: We looked at this for lock status. Okay, this pits a bunch of former Sunshine State high school teammates (and rivals) against each other, but again, we reference USF’s resume. Yes, they’ve won 7 of 10 games straight-up to-date, but have just a lone cover in last five. ‘Canes did give up 300 passing yards to Duke, but it was a 73-yard INT return for TD by Miami that kept Devils’ defeat closer to three touchdowns than to mere 4 points. As long as Jacory Harris doesn’t toss a couple to the guys in the wrong-colored unis...Miami 27 USF 17
MISSISSIPPI STATE over #20 Mississippi taking 8: Rebels stole one last week. Bulldogs’ strength is the defense. We’re hopin’ to see the one that helped State lose by 10 vs. Florida, not the one that helped ‘Bama win by 28. Rebels 2-2 SU/ATS on the road this year, losing at South Carolina and at Auburn. Bulldogs have the running game to burn the clock even if they don’t score often. We wouldn’t be surprised by an upset, but let’s just say...Ole Miss 13 MSU 9
#21 California: IDLE (next @ Washington 12/5)
#23 North Carolina over NC STATE giving 6: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Wolfpack won this one 41-13 in 2008, but are 2-6-1 ATS this season and were crushed at home by Duke and Clemson. ‘Heels currently on nice 4-0 SU/ATS run that includes victories vs. Miami and at Virginia Tech, both of whom were ranked. Tarheels’ defense is on par with, if not better than, Virginia Tech’s, in most categories. Hokies got 4 turnovers from State last week, holding the Wolfpack below 20 points for first time since opening 7-3 loss to South Carolina....UNC 27 NC State 13
Ucla over #24 USC taking 13: We ain’t crushed about USC’s conference dynasty finally tumblin’ down. Trojans have had the extra week to think about thrashing by Stanford. Bruins are 3-5 ATS vs. the PAC-10 this season, but 3-1 the last 4. Rick Neuheisel already has two more wins than he had all last year when he took over UCLA and has his team bowl-eligible. Bruins have covered the last three vs. USC, but only SU win in last 10 years came in 2006 at UCLA...Southern Cal 23 UCLA 12
Rice over #25 HOUSTON taking 29 ½: Another cross-town rivalry like USC-UCLA above. The Owls, who’ve had a down year after doing good things in ‘08, have four covers in five tries vs. the Coogs, including last year’s 56-42 win and 56-48 loss in ‘07. Rice finally showing some oomph, winning back-to-back games and losing by just 3 at SMU after the first eight matches of 2009 saw the Hooters on the wrong end of an average margin of 46-15... Houston 48 Rice 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, draft-eligible players from the Navy Midshipmen and the Vandy Commodores are planning to boycott the NFL Combine this Spring.
Gator fans are expected to wear eye black, with or without messages, in honor of Tim Tebow, known for sporting bible verses on his, during Saturday’s Florida State game. Vindy plans to don the facial accouterment bearing the words “Love Boat” during Sunday’s trip to the sportsbook, just to spite the NFL!
In reporting on Sarah Palin’s recent book-signing, Fox News said the ex-vice presidential candidate was “continuing to draw huge crowds”, showing “live” video of the alleged crowds. Unfortunately, the film in question was actually from her campaign more than a year ago. In a related story, Fox blew it again last week, showing a game reel of Michigan’s last victory over the Buckeyes in 2003, while in fact State was beating the Wolverines on Saturday.
On the big screen, an adaptation of a book by Maurice Sendak in which a young boy named Max escapes a disappointing home life and finds himself in the middle of a trademark Miami Dolphins offensive formation in...”Where the Wildcat Things Are”. (In related news, Vin grabs bottle of whiskey and draws up X’s and O’s to run the Wild Turkey formation!)
A judge threatened to let Cincy QB Nick Collaros spend a little post-season time in the pokey if he didn’t finish a court-ordered program after flashing a fake ID at a bar near the UC campus. The ID looked so authentic, defenders on the Bearkats scout team tackled a cardboard cutout with the card glued to it while Collaros himself lined up unnoticed at wide receiver during practice last week.
Cleveland head coach Eric Mangini has levied charges of faking injury (which he has since recanted) against the Detroit Lions late in last Sunday’s game, won barely by Detroit. Uhhhh....Cleveland squandered a 27-6 lead, so we’re thinking the Browns were faking being a pro football team!
After hobbling thru mid-season, Vindy’s preferred picks (lock choices and best bests) have gone a collective 8-3 the past two weeks.
Black Shirt: goes this week to Connecticut Huskies RB Andre Dixon, whose 4-yard touchdown run in 2OT gave UConn the upset victory over Notre Dame and Vindy one of his Week Twelve best bet wins.
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Vindy wishes he’d put a little more confidence in Virginia’s ability to lose by less than three touchdowns over the past three years following the Cavs’ cover at Clemson.
“Locked in a Box?”: The Horny Toads of TCU stop the bleeding and raise the record to 5-7 (.417)
Shoppe Talk: The Miami Hurricanes remain off the coast and below the radar and the Weeziana State Tigers get a weekend pass for shoulda’-been win over Ole Miss, but the OSU Buckeyes have now dropped nine forecast picks in the past 10 appearances!
Vindy’s Week 13 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-1 Season: 25-27 (.481)
Central Florida -3 over ALABAMA-BIRMINGHAM, Southern Methodist -17 ½ over TULANE, Washington State +24 1/2 over WASHINGTON, Navy -9 over HAWAII
Now if you’ll excuse the Weber Kid, he’s off to do some holiday shoppin’ at one of his favorite stores...Tays-R-Us!
NEW YORK, New York (UPI)...After banning the Captain Morgan pose recently, it turns out the National Football League is not anti-alcohol, but anti-maritime. The discovery of a secret rule book at NFL headquarters has led to revelations about the league’s objections to all references to sea-faring things. Forbidden in any stadium or promotion of any team are references to Sinbad or Popeye, the showing of film clips of Johnny Depp in his role as Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, Cap’n Crunch on the teams training tables and the playing of such songs as ”In the Navy” by the Village People, “Brick House” by the Commodores or “Muskrat Love” by the Captain & Tennille. The book even outlaws whistling the Old Spice theme tune. There were also plans to covertly pressure the Raiders and Buccaneers into changing their objectionable team monikers. One anonymous official said if current members of the Nautical Fuggheddaboutit League oversaw the Massachusetts Port Authority at the time, the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria would’ve never landed on American shores!
A 2-0 record before Saturday’s games kicked off helped our hero overcome a pair of bad beats and propelled the pretentious prognosticator to 11-9 (128-102-1, .557) in Week 12. A local fisherman, while cleaning out his nets today, threw back an old tire, some license plates and a small chest full of gold doubloons, but held on to....
THE WEBER KID’S 2009 WEEK 13 FORECAST
(Official picks of the Spanish Armada and the Harvard-Yale Regatta)
THURS. NOV. 26
#3 Texas over TEXAS A&M giving 21: Steers are in good shape at the #3 spot in the BCS and need to stay healthy for the Big 12 title game. UT has covered four of last five games in ‘09, but while points-scored has increased over the last three (35-47-51), points-allowed has also gone up (3-14-20). Aggies have covered 4 of last 5 vs. Texas in College Station and while having covered five of last six games this year, including easy SU win at Texas Tech, A&M has been clobbered by the better teams on its schedule. ‘Horns won 49-9 last year and recorded another blow- out in ‘03, but the games in-between have been decided by 13 or less. Colt McCoy logged almost 400 yards vs. Kansas. The Heisman trek continues... Cattle 41 A&M 17
FRI. NOV. 27
AUBURN over #2 Alabama taking 10: Tigers have seven SU wins on the season and would love nothing more to register the eighth at the expense of Iron Bowl rival ‘Bama. We see this as another OSU-Michigan, with the favorite winning, but the dog taking home the moolah. Other than last year’s 36-zippo Tide win, the previous six years were won SU by Aubie, by 10 or fewer. Tigers in rare home dog spot and have covered 2 of the last three as such. Two of Auburn’s four defeats this year were by 21, while the other pair was by 7...Alabama 21 Auburn 12
#5 CINCINNATI over Illinois giving 20 ½: After last week’s bye, Tony Pike is expected to start this week at QB (following a couple of cameo appearances in which he came in deep on a couple drives vs. West Virginia and accounted for 14 of Cincy’s 24 points). Bearkats blew the cover in the game via an early lost fumble (first on the year) and a missed FG. Illini don’t have much to play for, while UC is trying to surpass TCU in the BCS poll. Illinois did not cover vs. Penn State or Ohio State. ‘Kats can bang the scoreboard...Cincy 38 Illinois 13
Nevada-Reno over #6 BOISE STATE taking 13 1/2: Broncos have kindly faltered when Vindy has previously predicted a spread loss. We’re hopin’ they oblige once again. State needs a big win (and probably unlikely outright losses by TCU and/or Cincinnati) to grab a BCS berth. BSU has 7 covers, a push and a loss in last 9 vs. Reno. Broncos giving up 4 more points per game than last year. Wolfpack has topped 50 in five games already and has three players over 1000 yards each, but has failed in its last 7 vs. ranked teams. Tater-Heads are just 6-5 ATS this year...BSU 38 UNR 33
#8 Pittsburgh over WEST VIRGINIA (PK): Panthers seem to finally have it all together and will counter Mounties’ RB Joel Devine with their own workhorse, RB Dion Lewis (129 ypg). Pitt’s only outright loss came surprisingly at NC State in late September. West Virginia looks to payback close 19-15 loss in last season’s edition of the Backyard Brawl...Pitt 24 WVU 20
SAT. NOV. 28
Florida State over #1 FLORIDA taking 24 1/2: Earlier this summer, the NCAA Committee on Infractions responded to Florida State’s appeal of sanctions, but kept its answer classified, allowing the school 15 days to respond . Dick Cheney wasn’t responding to media calls and Nancy Pelosi said the CIA misled her on that too! Tebow played into the 3rd Quarter of rout vs. FIU before giving way to his back-up, Brantley. How long will he go this week with SEC title game next? Gators have won each of the last two years by at least 30...Crocs 38 ‘Noles 16
#4 TCU over New Mexico giving 44 1/2: Almost locked the Amphibians for a second straight week. Toads covered and landed Vindy’s first lock win in five tries last week, but need to take it up a notch to hold paper-thin lead over Cincinnati in the BCS rankings. In September, the FDA verified that remains found in a can of Diet Pepsi belonged to a frog or a toad....and officials in Ft. Worth still ain’t talkin’ ...TCU 54 Low-bos 6
#7 GEORGIA TECH over Georgia giving 7: Rested Bees are looking to post their first 11-win season since 1990's National Co-Champion squad, while ‘Dawgs, who wasted a 20-7 halftime lead and lost by 7 to Kentucky last week, are potentially going to have worst SU win total since 1996's 5-6 campaign that was led by Mike Bobo at QB. Joja’ has three covers in ten games on the year and this is only the second time in six seasons that UGA isn’t ranked for this match-up...GT 28 Georgia 7
#9 Ohio State: IDLE (next...da’ Rose Bowl)
#10 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Oregon State 12/3)
#11 Oklahoma State over OKLAHOMA taking 9 1/2: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. QB Zac Robinson is expected to return from the injury that knocked him outta’ Texas Tech game and start the 2009 Bedlam. Even if he doesn’t or can’t go the distance, 3rd stringer Brandon Weeden can keep the pressure on the Sooners D. OU will start a new center this week. That’s got “botched snap” written all over it. Shootout that should give State its first Bedlam cover in five years and its first outright victory since 2002...Cowpokes 34 Sooners 31
#12 Penn State: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#13 Iowa: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#14 Virginia Tech over VIRGINIA giving 15 1/2: Hokies haven’t beaten the Cavs by this many since 2006, but are on 3-0 SU/ATS run since losing to North Carolina, giving up a total of 22 points in those tilts. Tech RB Williams went for 120 rushing yards and three scores, with WR Boykin pitching in 164 yards on 6 catches. Virginia won’t be able to throw effectively vs. stout VT pass defense if it gets down early...Tech 28 Cavs 10
#15 Clemson over SOUTH CAROLINA giving 3: Gamehens got a much-needed bye last week following 10-point loss to Florida and are floundering in 2-4 ATS skid after opening 4-0. Tigers won 31-14 at home in ‘08, but won only 13-9 and 23-21 the past two visits to Columbia. Clemson building a head of steam as it rolls into the ACC Championship game next week having won six straight following defeat by the Terps. Can Steve Spurrier gameplan for CJ Spiller? (We are, however, rather puzzled by Tigers’ sudden lack of scoring, taking a 13-point lead into the 4th Quarter vs. Virginia, who had 21 points of their own. Did Cavs defense suddenly come to play? Did Clemson elect to put the game in the hands of its own D? Did someone in Vegas make a phone call to the sideline?). It’s a rivalry, so Clemson won’t be looking ahead...Clemson 20 Poultry 13
#16 Oregon State: IDLE (next @ Oregon 12/3)
Arkansas over #17 LSU taking 3 1/2: No faith in the Tigers since they can’t seem to get out of their own way of late, losing two of three SU and scraping by Weeziana Tech. Hogs take their busload of super sophomores and their scoring machine (48.5 ppg over last four) into Not-Quite-Dead-Yet Valley...and win for the second straight season (Pigs took it 31-30 in 2008)...Arkansas 27 LSU 24
#22 Utah over #18 BYU taking 7 1/2: Coogs got four uncharacteristic turnovers from Air Force, making your humble host look like a Nostradamic ninny for tagging the Flyboys as his upset pick of da’ week. Winner is likely off to Sin City for the post-season and the key match-up should be Max Hall’s passing (300 yards per game) against Utah’s pass defense (100 yards per game). Utes won 48-24 last season and have permitted just two opponents to score more than 17 (Oregon and TCU, both on the road)...BYU 20 Utah 17
#19 Miami over SOUTH FLORIDA giving 6: We looked at this for lock status. Okay, this pits a bunch of former Sunshine State high school teammates (and rivals) against each other, but again, we reference USF’s resume. Yes, they’ve won 7 of 10 games straight-up to-date, but have just a lone cover in last five. ‘Canes did give up 300 passing yards to Duke, but it was a 73-yard INT return for TD by Miami that kept Devils’ defeat closer to three touchdowns than to mere 4 points. As long as Jacory Harris doesn’t toss a couple to the guys in the wrong-colored unis...Miami 27 USF 17
MISSISSIPPI STATE over #20 Mississippi taking 8: Rebels stole one last week. Bulldogs’ strength is the defense. We’re hopin’ to see the one that helped State lose by 10 vs. Florida, not the one that helped ‘Bama win by 28. Rebels 2-2 SU/ATS on the road this year, losing at South Carolina and at Auburn. Bulldogs have the running game to burn the clock even if they don’t score often. We wouldn’t be surprised by an upset, but let’s just say...Ole Miss 13 MSU 9
#21 California: IDLE (next @ Washington 12/5)
#23 North Carolina over NC STATE giving 6: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Wolfpack won this one 41-13 in 2008, but are 2-6-1 ATS this season and were crushed at home by Duke and Clemson. ‘Heels currently on nice 4-0 SU/ATS run that includes victories vs. Miami and at Virginia Tech, both of whom were ranked. Tarheels’ defense is on par with, if not better than, Virginia Tech’s, in most categories. Hokies got 4 turnovers from State last week, holding the Wolfpack below 20 points for first time since opening 7-3 loss to South Carolina....UNC 27 NC State 13
Ucla over #24 USC taking 13: We ain’t crushed about USC’s conference dynasty finally tumblin’ down. Trojans have had the extra week to think about thrashing by Stanford. Bruins are 3-5 ATS vs. the PAC-10 this season, but 3-1 the last 4. Rick Neuheisel already has two more wins than he had all last year when he took over UCLA and has his team bowl-eligible. Bruins have covered the last three vs. USC, but only SU win in last 10 years came in 2006 at UCLA...Southern Cal 23 UCLA 12
Rice over #25 HOUSTON taking 29 ½: Another cross-town rivalry like USC-UCLA above. The Owls, who’ve had a down year after doing good things in ‘08, have four covers in five tries vs. the Coogs, including last year’s 56-42 win and 56-48 loss in ‘07. Rice finally showing some oomph, winning back-to-back games and losing by just 3 at SMU after the first eight matches of 2009 saw the Hooters on the wrong end of an average margin of 46-15... Houston 48 Rice 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, draft-eligible players from the Navy Midshipmen and the Vandy Commodores are planning to boycott the NFL Combine this Spring.
Gator fans are expected to wear eye black, with or without messages, in honor of Tim Tebow, known for sporting bible verses on his, during Saturday’s Florida State game. Vindy plans to don the facial accouterment bearing the words “Love Boat” during Sunday’s trip to the sportsbook, just to spite the NFL!
In reporting on Sarah Palin’s recent book-signing, Fox News said the ex-vice presidential candidate was “continuing to draw huge crowds”, showing “live” video of the alleged crowds. Unfortunately, the film in question was actually from her campaign more than a year ago. In a related story, Fox blew it again last week, showing a game reel of Michigan’s last victory over the Buckeyes in 2003, while in fact State was beating the Wolverines on Saturday.
On the big screen, an adaptation of a book by Maurice Sendak in which a young boy named Max escapes a disappointing home life and finds himself in the middle of a trademark Miami Dolphins offensive formation in...”Where the Wildcat Things Are”. (In related news, Vin grabs bottle of whiskey and draws up X’s and O’s to run the Wild Turkey formation!)
A judge threatened to let Cincy QB Nick Collaros spend a little post-season time in the pokey if he didn’t finish a court-ordered program after flashing a fake ID at a bar near the UC campus. The ID looked so authentic, defenders on the Bearkats scout team tackled a cardboard cutout with the card glued to it while Collaros himself lined up unnoticed at wide receiver during practice last week.
Cleveland head coach Eric Mangini has levied charges of faking injury (which he has since recanted) against the Detroit Lions late in last Sunday’s game, won barely by Detroit. Uhhhh....Cleveland squandered a 27-6 lead, so we’re thinking the Browns were faking being a pro football team!
After hobbling thru mid-season, Vindy’s preferred picks (lock choices and best bests) have gone a collective 8-3 the past two weeks.
Black Shirt: goes this week to Connecticut Huskies RB Andre Dixon, whose 4-yard touchdown run in 2OT gave UConn the upset victory over Notre Dame and Vindy one of his Week Twelve best bet wins.
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Vindy wishes he’d put a little more confidence in Virginia’s ability to lose by less than three touchdowns over the past three years following the Cavs’ cover at Clemson.
“Locked in a Box?”: The Horny Toads of TCU stop the bleeding and raise the record to 5-7 (.417)
Shoppe Talk: The Miami Hurricanes remain off the coast and below the radar and the Weeziana State Tigers get a weekend pass for shoulda’-been win over Ole Miss, but the OSU Buckeyes have now dropped nine forecast picks in the past 10 appearances!
Vindy’s Week 13 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-1 Season: 25-27 (.481)
Central Florida -3 over ALABAMA-BIRMINGHAM, Southern Methodist -17 ½ over TULANE, Washington State +24 1/2 over WASHINGTON, Navy -9 over HAWAII
Now if you’ll excuse the Weber Kid, he’s off to do some holiday shoppin’ at one of his favorite stores...Tays-R-Us!
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