IMPENDING “END OF DAYS” FORCES EARLY TITLE GAME
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (UPI)…Bowl officials are scrambling to print and distribute tickets as well as ensure all necessary preparations are made for this Friday’s BCS National Championship game between #1 LSU and #2 Alabama in light of Harold Camping’s revised prediction of October 21st for the Rapture. The Oakland-based man-of-the-cloth missed the mark on his original call last May. Expecting the disappearance of the faithful and subsequent consumption of those left behind by fire and earthquakes, the BCS had no choice but to schedule and play its title match earlier than the usual January timeframe. The Tide and Tigers, originally slated to meet in two weeks, were benefactors of the season’s first (and presumably only) BCS poll, published just a few days ago, and will square-off in what will effectively decide the SEC West and the conference title in addition to the national crown. Rule changes were quickly approved and enacted for the game, including protection against penalties for “too many dead-men on the field” should zombies rise up from under the hashmarks while the game is in progress.
It’s seasons like this one (6-11 last week, 52-74-1, .413 year –to-date) that make us wonder why we bother. Not sure what the Rapture holds for Vindy himself, but certain to end up as a burning hulk is…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 8 FORECAST(More flammable than the giant lint-balls in those Farmers Insurance commercials)
FRI. OCT. 21
#11 West Virginia over SYRACUSE giving 13 ½: West Virginia 31 L’Orange 14
SAT. OCT. 22
#19 Auburn over #1 LSU taking 22 ½: Bengals moving the ball better under Jarrett Lee and swept a trio of SEC East wannabes. They now target the War Eagles, to whom they lost 24-17 in 2010. We figure LSU won’t turn it over five times like the Gators did, but we like defensive-minded Auburn to stay within the generous number. Owning the top spot in the BCS Poll and having plenty of schedule strength, State won’t need style-points, they’ll just need to stay healthy for showdown with the Tide in a few weeks…LSU 24 Auburn 13
#2 ALABAMA over Tennessee giving 29: Tide 38 Vols 6
Texas Tech over #3 OKLAHOMA taking 28 ½: Oklahoma 52 Tech 27
#4 Wisconsin over #15 MICHIGAN STATE giving 8: Badgers weren’t even at full-strength on offense while pummeling Indiana. Spartans neutralized Denard Robinson for Michigan, which has little behind him, but Russell Wilson and Montee Ball will keep the Spartans guessing on defense all day. Wisky has few, if any, opportunities after this one to beat down a quality opponent for the computer rankings, so they’ll need to make this one count. State’s gone 19-7 SU in last 26 Big Ten games, but Badgers’ smallest margin-of-victory this year is 31 points… Wisconsin 27 MSU 10
Air Force over #5 BOISE STATE taking 31: Best guess for “wish I had it back” pick of the week, but we’ll revisit our logic for correct earlier-season selection of Navy plus da’ points over South Carolina…namely, nobody on the Broncos squad has faced the Air Force version of the option. And while the Flight Platoon throws the ball more than Army or Navy (which ain’t sayin’ much), they would be best off keeping the ball on the ground to grind it out and keep Kellen Moore near the Gatorade bucket as much as possible. Our concerns include the minus-six turnover ratio and USAF defense that’s given up 100 points the past two weeks. Boise has yielded total of 87 all season. We’re hopin’ the Pilots’ bye last week allowed them to regroup…Boise 44 Paper Airplanes 17
MISSOURI over #6 Oklahoma State taking 6 ½: UPSET ALERT. Given undefeated Cowpokes have just one victory by less than double-digits, we attribute the line to State’s ongoing defensive woes (though Texas went scoreless for final 11-plus minutes last week despite a nearly 2-1 ratio in TOP overall) and Mizzou’s defensive prowess. Tigers lost at Oklahoma by 10, have covered two of the three Big Twelve games on the season and probably should’ve beaten K-State. Missouri has spread wins in just three of last dozen vs. ranked teams. OKSU is nifty 11-0 as road chalk off consecutive wins, but won’t face a first-time starter at quarterback in this one… Cowboys 27 Mizzou 24
#22 Washington over #7 STANFORD taking 20 ½: Sled Dogs have quietly made their way into the rankings, obscured by accomplishments of the Cardinal and the Ducks. UDUB posting over 400 yards total offense per game and have covered 10 straight, going back to last season. Stanford, 6-0 ATS, has shown tendency to sleepwalk thru the first half (Colorado game notwithstanding) before perking up in the final 30 minutes. Huskies have lotsa’ depth and revenge for last season’s 41-0 embarrassment. Stanford silenced Wazzou’s potent attack. Only Arizona got fewer points of handicap than UDUB… Redbirds 39 Washington 24
#8 CLEMSON over North Carolina giving 10 ½: Tigers 24 Tarheels 10
COLORADO over #9 Oregon taking 32: Even minus LaMichael James, Mallards still averaged better than 7 yards per carry and just missed covering vs. ASU. Both James and starting QB Thomas could be out, but Bison are injury-depleted too. Buffs, who were not given a bye in their inaugural 12-PAC year, are 2-5 ATS, with all defeats in regulation leading to the spread losses. We’re wondering if altitude will be an issue. During the off-season, the Ducks apparently paid for old recruiting information. Cool! They can feed the data by punch-card into their Wang computers! We heard coaches are looking into some kid named Red Grange and that they’re replacing the digital scoreboard in Autzen Stadium with an abacus!...Quack Attack 44 Colorado 17
#10 Arkansas over MISSISSIPPI giving 16 ½: Arkansas 34 Old Mist 13
KANSAS over #12 Kansas State taking 11 ½: KSU 24 Jayhawks 17
#13 Nebraska over MINNESOTA giving 24 ½: We considered the Gerbils and the points for a fleeting moment, but after opening its debut season in the new conference 0-2 against the line and almost 0-2 straight-up, Big Dread needs a statement game to show some oomph and that it can be a contender in the Big Tenuous Conference. O-fers have seemingly waved the white flag, getting ripped 45-17 by less-than-impressive Purdue team before last week’s bye. Corncobs were idle last week too and are a solid bet with rest. Minny, by contrast, is not…Huskers 38 Fish-in-a-Barrel 7
#14 South Carolina: IDLE (next @ Tennessee)
#16 VIRGINIA TECH over Boston College giving 21: Like it matters which side we take here??!! Beagles are 0-5 ATS despite being somewhat competitive in their games and the linesmakers will catch up eventually, but the offense continues to stumble, averaging 19.5 ppg, factoring in 45 points in lone SU win against I-AA UMass, and just 14+ ppg without them. BC’s scoring problems date back to early last year and the stellar defense that allowed them to win their final five tilts in 2010 is no longer present as a safety net…VT 31 BC 6
#17 Texas A&M over IOWA STATE giving 20 ½: Aggies 45 ‘Clones 20
#18 Michigan: IDLE (next vs. Purdue)
#20 Georgia Tech over MIAMI taking 2 ½: Tech 23 Miami 20
Marshall over #21 HOUSTON taking 22: Coogs are undefeated in six games behind country’s best air game, but just 3-2 ATS due to a traditionally-shaky defense. Most recent meeting resulted in a 37-23 upset win by Marshall in 2007. Herd has at least shown up to play, winning three games by six or less and losing respectably to a pair of Top 25 squads (West Virginia and Virginia Tech). The offense has new faces, but nine returning starters on the stop-squad have kept Marshall in all but one game to-date and Herd has a 5-2 spread record, with three road covers. Houston slipped past Weeziana Tech and UTEP (both on the road though)…Houston 41 Marshall 24
#23 Illinois over PURDUE giving 4 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Money’s been coming in on Purdue, but seriously….what have the Boilermakers done to warrant this small of a line? They bombed a Minnesota team that has seemingly given up (as we noted above), but who hasn’t? They stayed within 5 points of the Nitwit Lions. Again we ask…who hasn’t??!! The Choo-Choos opened the season by edging Sun Belt’s Middle Tennessee, then lost at Rice. Fifth home game in seven outings for Purdue, which got smacked in Champaign last season 44-10. Granted, three of the Illini victories have been by a FG and UI just 4-10 SU in last 14 away games, but…Illini 20 Purdue 10
#24 Arizona State: IDLE (next vs. Colorado)
#25 Georgia: IDLE (next vs. Florida)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
If a player committing a penalty suddenly sheds his Earthly coil and goes to the Rapture, the flag will be picked up and time put back on the clock. Maybe Deborah Harry can play the halftime show! If the game is called because of the cataclysmic event, it’s considered “no action” and any remaining bettors will be refunded their wagers!
We’re no New Testament aficionado, but apparently Matthew 24:15-22 reads, “…Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.” Nice! We call dibs on all the game-worn jerseys that will be strewn across the gridiron after the fact!
If da’ picks go up in a blazing inferno, maybe they’ll be rescued by OJ Simpson (Oh wait…that was “Towering Inferno”!). If the flame-retardant glove don’t fit…!
On the boob tube this season…the ongoing effects of a computer malfunction that inadvertently leads to an invite for New Mexico to the Fiesta Bowl, while Oklahoma gets relegated to the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in ABC’s “Switched at BCS Berth”.
“Like a good neighhhhhhhbor….State Farm is there…with a winning ten-team parlay!”
The win over UNLV two weeks ago means it’s been 7 straight years that UNR has had the Fremont Cannon, which is now legally-recognized in several states as Reno’s common-law spouse! And in the event of a divorce or dissolution of the relationship, the replica pre-Civil War relic cannon receives half the Wolfpack team…and supervised visitation rights with the remaining players every other weekend…at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch! In fact, based on the 37-0 final score, apparently the Rebels’ only method of traversing the field was to be shot out of said-weapon.
This week, Jim Tressel will get to act in his official capacity as the Colts’ “gameday consultant”, making decisions about video-replay challenges, after completing his suspension by the NFL. To ensure he didn’t practice with the team, league officials took away his Blockbuster card, his access to NetFlix and issued a restraining order preventing him from being within 500-feet of a Red Box!
Tuesday’s GOP debate between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry got a little heated. Apparently, Perry shook Romney’s hand a bit aggressively after the event ended, then jumped off stage, celebrating the victory with his constituents, annoying his opponent, who chased down the Texas governor and the two had to be quickly separated by supporters from both sides!
BTW, sources close to Jim Schwartz said the Lions coach was actually upset because Coach Harbaugh “punked him with a joy-buzzer!”
In April, a robot with one arm and a trio of wheels, created by folks at Penn, threw out the first pitch at a Phillies-Brewers game. The ‘bot later returned to the mound to strike out the side in the 9th inning and preserve the win for the home team!
Gridiron fans rejoice! It’s that time of the season in which there will be at least one pro or college football game played every day from Thursday, October 20 thru November 12! If yer scoring at home, that’s 33 straight days!
How Hilary Duff really told hubby and NHL star Mike Comrie recently that she’s pregnant: 1) “Honey…my doctor says you ‘lit the lamp’.” 2) “Yo Mike…ya parked one between the pipes!” 3) “Dear…there’s a ‘biscuit in the basket’.” 4) She peed on his hockey stick and the blade turned blue!
“Locked in a Box?”: !*!@%$!!! Wolverines got whacked again by the Spartans to post our third straight “lock” miss and lower the tally to 3-4 (.428)
Shoppe Talk: Vindicator is now a collective 0-fer-11 picking games for Virginia Tech (0-6, .000) and Ohio State (0-5, .000). Not far behind in the misery are the Cowboys of Okie State (1-5, .167).
Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-4 Season: 18-17 (.514)
UAB +16 over Central Florida (Thurs), Rutgers +2 over LOUISVILLE (Fri), Temple -13 over BOWLING GREEN, Wake Forest -3 over DUKE, NORTHWESTERN +4 over Penn State (Oh the shame!)
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