STADIUM BESET BY ANGRY BETTORS
COLUMBUS, Ohio (CNN)…As protesters across the country confronted police, raging against government bailouts and tax breaks that helped only the nation’s elite few, the Vegas Vindicator, too, had had enough. The renowned college football prophet, frustrated with mounting forecast losses, especially courtesy of the Buckeyes, rallied protesters from their original location in a vacant lot across from UNLV’s Thomas & Mack Center (all 20 of ‘em) and travelled to the Ohio State campus in a movement dubbed by the Weber Kid as “Occupy Da’ ‘Shoe”! Expressing disappointment with ongoing scandals at the school and displeasure with the inconsistent play of the football team, currently at 3-2 against the spread, Vindicator, who is suffering from a current 4-13-1 forecast record picking OSU games, confused the nationwide slogan with an old adage and ended up waving a sign reading, “We are the whole 99 yards!”
Halloween looms (“Loomis”? [Fans of the movie series will get that reference!]), but with the picks at 30 games below .500 (5-13 last week, 57-87-1, .396 on the season) and sinkin’ like stock in Netflix, Jason, Freddy, Michael and Jigsaw got nuthin’ on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(“Oh, yes…there will be blood”)
THURS. OCT. 27
#18 HOUSTON over Rice giving 27: “Wish I Had It Back” written all over this, but Owls, who’ve (“Hooooo’ve?”) covered five of last six vs. cross-town rival Coogs (including outright wins in 2008 and 2010), lost by 25 at Baylor and 25 at Texas earlier this season. Rice’s last trip to Robertson Stadium however resulted in a 73-14 pounding. Cougars are holding I-A opponents to about 22 ppg, and Rice lights the board for mid-twenties on average, meaning UH will need to probably break into the fifties to cover. Houston has ventured past the half-century mark in three of its last four matches and just missed on the other one. Barnyard Birds have yielded 50 just once (at Baylor) and have gone “under” the total (mid-to-high fifties) in 5 of 7 games, but haven’t faced this prolific an offense. If now-NCAA total offense record-holder Case Keenum stays healthy, we see little reason why Houston won’t cover this. Cougars blasted Marshall 63-28 for Homecoming and our only concern, despite a 3-0 home ATS record so far and a lot of seniors at the skill positions, is a slow start here on the short week after expending that kind of energy, especially with a defense prone to giving up big points to lower conference opponents…Houston 54Rice 26
SAT. OCT. 29
#1 LSU: IDLE (next @ Alabama)
#2 Alabama: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
#3 OKLAHOMA STATE over Baylor giving 14: OKSU 48 Bares 27
#4 Stanford over #20 USC giving 7 ½: Men of Troy getting little press despite 6-1 straight-up record (4-3 ATS). Cardinal, however, despite nothing remarkable about its slate either (though layin’ 65 on then-ranked Huskies got a few looks), has been unstoppable and a weekly liability to the ‘books. The difference between the two clubs is the average margin-of-victory. USC’s win over the Frightenin’ Irish lends some credibility, but Trojans are getting points at home for only the second time in two seasons (and second time since the beginning of 2002)…Redbirds 37 Trojans 20
#5 Boise State: IDLE (next @ UNLV)
#6 Clemson over GEORGIA TECH giving 3 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. At 7-0 against the line, Tigers are also sportsbook-bane and given that the secret is out…Tevon Washington is the weakest link for the ‘Jackets, make him throw the ball…the short spread is a bit curious. Tech turned it over six times in the past two weeks, both SU losses, including three INT by Washington. Bees have revenge angle for last year’s 27-13 defeat and Tigers traditionally are fitty-fitty propositions on the road, but Clemson has beaten three Top 25 foes, two of ‘em away. Before 2010, the previous two years were decided by 3 and 4. Did Tech burn the game film that would’ve gone to Clemson or just swap it out with the “Bee Movie”???... Tigers 31 GT 23
Washington State over #7 OREGON taking 35: Oregon cornerback Cliff Harris will grab some pine… again…for involvement in a traffic incident… AGAIN! He was caught recently driving with a suspended license and no insurance (editor’s note: that and a tat at a discount gets him a starting position with the Buckeyes this week. We’re just sayin’….) after being busted in June doin’ 118 mph with an expired license to-boot! The Mallards defender told local gendarmes he was merely trying to improve his time in the forty! QB Darron Thomas was reportedly asleep in the passenger side. Okay, Vindicator’s a light sleeper, but if we’re ridin’ shotgun in a vehicle exceedin’ the century mark, 1) we ain’t grabbin’ a power nap! and 2) there damn well better be an emergency crew wherever the car stops, with the jaws-of-life to pry Vindy’s fingers outta’ the visor and his toes outta’ the CD player/tape deck and glove-box, respectively!...Ducks 61 Wazzou 29
#8 Arkansas over VANDERBILT giving 10: Much respect to the ‘Dores and their 4-1 SU record at home under first year coach Franklin, but we think the off-week hampered Hogs on both sides of the ball in first half at Old Missed, who jumped out 17-0 before Pigs reeled-off 29 unanswered points. Arkansas shows a 14-4 TD-to-INT ratio, while Vandy’s D is very-respectable 21st nationally with 10-to-15 TD allowed-to-INT ratio (including 3 returned for scores). Admirals defend the run reasonably well too, at about 133 ypg and just 5 rushing scores-against. More of a vote for Arkansas’ offense than against Vanderbilt in general (though Commodores show total of 3 points against the two previous ranked teams they’ve played)…Razorbacks 34 Vandy 17
#9 Michigan State over #13 NEBRASKA taking 4: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Yeah, Big Dread walloped lame-duck Minnesota (as we predicted) and yeah, Sparty got some divine intervention to edge Wisconsin with the fortunate carom that turned into a 44-yard score as the clock ran out, but we’re more inspired to back State, who’s now 3-0 SU/ATS in the conference against three teams expected to contend than to support Nebraska squad still feeling its way around the new digs a bit and whose vaunted ground game goes toe-to-toe with nation’s #8 team vs. the rush (less than 89 ypg allowed). State’s 5-1 ATS overall, while Huskers are 0-3 ATS in Lincoln (though all three were double-digit lines)…MSU 24 Cornholio 23
#10 KANSAS STATE over #11 Oklahoma taking 13 ½: Spooners 34 KSU 28
OHIO STATE over #12 Wisconsin taking 7: In the preseason, this had the earmarks of maybe being for all the conference marbles, if not more. But the game has since lost some luster. The line speaks volumes to perhaps an over-rated Wisconsin squad and a Buckeyes team, which, while still slogging a bit on offense, has the D to win this outright in light of 2-1 SU record over last three games (and Nebraska was fortunate to rally). Badgers won by three touchdowns last year. Bucks had the extra week to strategize while Wisky was failing to execute in the shadow of its own goalposts enough to lose to Michigan State, yielding a safety and a blocked punt kicking from the EZ. State’s only bad loss came at Miami…Wisky 24 OSU 19
TENNESSEE over #14 South Carolina taking 3 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. And if not, Gamehens still have three wins over Georgia, Navy and Mississippi State by total of 8 points...Vols 19 Poultry 16
DUKE over #15 Virginia Tech taking 15: Hokies 24 Blue Devils 13
#16 TEXAS A&M over Missouri giving 11: A&M 34 Mizzou 20
#17 MICHIGAN over Purdue giving 13 ½: After being a non-factor in the early part of the year, Purdue lost almost all statistical categories but kept Illinois off the board until mid-4th quarter to grab its second SU win and third straight cover in last three weeks. None of the teams in question however had the kind of offense that Michigan possesses and with the extra week to stew about loss to “Little Brother”, we think Big Blue, 5-2 against the number, will crank it up to the delight of the Homecoming crowd in Ann Arbor. As an added bonus, the Wolverine band will strike up “Hail to the Victor Frankensteins”…Big Blew 38 Boilermakers 19
#19 TEXAS TECH (GASP!) over Iowa State giving 15: Red Raiders 47 Dust Devils 27
Illinois over #21 PENN STATE taking 4 ½: Lions own Big Tent-Peg’s longest ongoing SU dubya run at six (And counting? We thank fellow-prophet David Whitney for that tidbit. Check out his picks at dpdsdogs.com!). The alma mater, sitting atop the Leaders Division, also leans 6-1 to the “under”. This summer, JoePa conceded he violated an NCAA rule when, while ambling across campus, he stopped to observe a voluntary work-out then reported back to assistant coaches that a specific player “looked good”. Upon further review, Paterno couldn’t remember the name of the player-in-question and simply referred to him as “that kid in the blue jersey”…and why Coach was strolling thru the grounds at Rice in Houston at the time is still unknown! The feisty icon can become the winningest D-1 coach with a victory....PSU 17 Illinois 13
#22 Georgia over Florida giving 3 (@ Jacksonville, FL) : Joja’ 20 Gators 16
Colorado over #23 ARIZONA STATE taking 30 ½: Pitchforks 37 Bison 10
#24 Cincinnati: IDLE (next @ Pittsburgh)
RUTGERS over #25 West Virginia taking 7: Rutgers yielded rights to name its stadium to NJ-based High Point Solutions, Inc. of Sparta, which assists other Fortune 500 businesses with IT needs. They coulda’ just called it Sparta Stadium, but now its High Point Solutions Stadium. Maybe the team moniker should be Gladiators and they should hire Russell Crowe as the mascot! WVU has been an enigma from week-to-week at 3-3 ATS and just 2-6 last 8 laying points away from Morgantown. We’ve been on the Knights much of the year. We’ll stay there this week too…Mounted Ears 23 Jerseylicious! 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindicator told reporters he planned to use Twitter, Facebook and other social-networking media to implore supporters to take up the cause on his behalf at Lane Stadium in Blacksburg, Virginia, where his picks have flopped to 0-7 at the hands of the Virginia Tech Hokies!
Meanwhile, back in NYC, groups such as PETA, The Humane Society, World Wildlife Federation and ASPCA are gathering to demonstrate against the use of squid and related species as restaurant fare in an effort publicized as “Octopi Wall Street”!
During Harris’ stop, the trooper smelled marijuana. The players said they didn’t smoke it. Was Snoop Dogg in the trunk or what???!!!
Running all Halloween weekend on SyFy, a marathon about haunted running games called… “Tailbacks from the Darkside”.
For the “Rocky Horror” fans out there….Vindy’s abode is really just “some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos”.
On the big screen...Children of the Corn meets famously-bad ballplayer, Bob Uecker in “He Who Walks Behind the Front Rowwwwww”
A proposed merger of the Mountain West, Big Least and Conference USA?! Welcome to the “U.S. Mountain East Conference”? Or maybe the “Trans-America Conference” . Throw in University of Puerto Rico and University of Manitoba and call it the Big Continent! Or just get it over with by adding Cape Horn State and making it the “Magellan Conference”!!!
Unable to fork over the moolah to cover the sizable fine he incurred for previous drug and money-laundering charges, Edward Rife, the tattoo parlor owner at the center of Ohio State’s demise, now gets to spend some time in the pokey. We’re thinkin’ he could do enough body-art on the inside to raise the $10K he needs…in cigarettes!
In the “Things that make ya go ‘WTH?????!!!!’” category this week, we question the need for the Saints 62-7 annihilation of the Colts. Ain’t no style-points required in the BCS-less NFL.
The UNLV School of Medicine boasts a plastic surgeon named Dr. Zamboni! Apparently, face-offs aren’t a problem!!!!
While there are still a few innings left in the World Series, we’re boning-up on our Henry Wadsworth poetry because we heard… “Chicks dig the Longfellow!”
Takin’ a few liberties with a “Pet Sematary” quote from Fred Gwynne (previously of Herman Munster fame), we say, “Sometahms..deadball fouls ah bettah.”
“Locked in a Box?”: Illini fell outright to Purdue, leaving our lock record at 3-5 (.375)
Shoppe Talk: Hokies fall to 0-7 (.000) with Ohio State on this week’s docket again, still at 0-5 (.000). Oklahoma State continues to torment us at 1-6 (.142). Joining the fray, the Sooooeeeey Pig-Pig-Pigs of Arkansas at 1-5 (.167)
Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3-1 Season: 19-20-1 (.487)
Alabama-Birmingham +6 over MARSHALL, Wake Forest +7 over NORTH CAROLINA, MARYLAND -7 over Boston College, Memphis +28 ½ over CENTRAL FLORIDA, Western Kentucky +6 over UL-MONROE
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