CHANGES HIT NFL LOCKERROOMS, NCAA SIDELINES
LINCOLN, Nebraska (MSNBC)…An off-season directive by Commissioner Roger Goodell and a quick response to the revelation of a thought-to-be-private rant from two years ago by Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini, bashing the Husker-faithful as “fair-weather fans”, have prompted alterations to football venues at the pro and college levels. College sidelines will now include a portable, glass-enclosed shower with blaring stereo-speakers as a safe-haven for coaches to vent, like characters in the movies who know they’re being bugged utilize. In addition, locker rooms across the National Football League will be equipped with cameras as part of the plan for “enhancing the fan experience in our stadiums”. The live-feeds, a la Big Brother, of players brandishing guns, taking PEDS and snapping each other on the ass with a towel are expected to eventually generate on-air apologies from officials, akin to those offered in The Running Man by game-show host “Killian” (as portrayed by Richard Dawson), who implored the viewing-audience for a little indulgence, quipping “Please!...Ladies and gentlemen!...We’re experiencing video-difficulties beyond our control!”
Despite Vindy’s Week Four tally of 8-6 and a season-record proclaiming 35-24-2 (.593), in a test-run of the new allegedly-voice-secure digs, Pelini could still be heard bad-mouthing…
THE WEBER KID’S 2013 WEEK 5 FORECAST
(Better than queening dishes for AT&T!)
#21 Mississippi (+16) over #1 ALABAMA: As we feared, but ignored against our better-judgment, Tide offense was flat as a damn pancake in let-down vs. the Rams, showing only 66 rushing yards and 7 of 31 points coming via an early blocked-punt return. Rebels have three outright victories and 2-0 spread record, including nice win over Texas. Ole Miss has a truckload of returning starters and lotsa’ depth from team that had three of six SU defeats by 6 or less last season, including close losses to A&M and at LSU. Mississippi, profitable off a bye week, should be primed to stay within the number vs. not-quite-as-invincible-as-2012 Alabama after losing by 19 last year in Oxford …’Bama 24 Ole Miss 16
#2 OREGON (-36) over California: 12-PACK opener for both teams, who were both off last week. Ducks have been the wager in just 1 of last 6 layin’ this kinda’ lumber at home, but Bares show only outright win as 37-30 over FCS Portland State sandwiched between losses at home by 18 to the Buckeyes and 14 to Northwestern. Drakes are bangin’ the boards at an average of 61 ppg. Cal’s only hope here is that Chip Kelly’s current charges hop a plane from the City of Brotherly Love to Eugene…Mallards 51 Berkeley 12
Wake Forest (+28) over #3 CLEMSON: Tigers 34 Deacons 14
#23 Wisconsin (+7) over #4 OHIO STATE: We’re considering the number of points the Buckeyes have yielded to Cal…and Buffalo. State’s won the last two years in this series, both times in a ‘dog role. Neither was decided by more than a touchdown. Kenny Guiton, starting for OSU, tossed six TD passes in rout of AA Florida A&M, but Bucks (one of four FBS teams to score at least 70 last week) expect to have Braxton Miller under center for this one. We’ll lay off the upset call here since Buckeyes have won 24 of last 26 at Da’ Shoe, but we really can’t gauge true caliber yet, though they won’t likely allow themselves to be drawn into a track-meet. Wisky at least has faced (and probably coulda’ beaten) Arizona State. De facto Leaders Division title game…State 24 Wisky 21
Washington State (+10 ½) over #5 STANFORD: Trees 30 Wazzou 24
#6 Louisiana State (+3) over #9 GEORGIA: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Tigers had some work to do after 14-point win over Auburn, needing to shore-up the run-defense that let War Eagle RB Tre Mason go for a buck-thirty-two, and some discipline after absorbing 10 penalty flags. Last meeting was 2011 SEC Title game, won 42-10 by the Bengals. Joja’ found itself in a 3rd Quarter tie-game on the heels of Mean Green’s 99-yard kickoff return for a score and blocked punt that also put seven on UNT’s side of the scoreboard before pushing away. LSU is nice 10-3 money-line wager over last three seasons on the road and while former Dawg QB Zach Mettenberger verbally points away from that association, you know he wants a little redemption. Expect Les Miles to pull some stunt to get his guys the win…LSU 31 Joja’ 24
#7 Louisville: IDLE (next @ Temple)
#8 Florida State (-22) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Seminoles 35 Eagles 10
#10 Texas A&M @ ARKANSAS: OFF
#11 Oklahoma State (-19 ½) over WEST VIRGINIA: Cowpokes, idle last week, let a competitive-but-relative newcomer UTSA club hit the scoreboard for 34, but ‘Eers have 2-2 SU record with only triumphs coming over AA William & Mary and FBS newbie Joja’ State. WVU held Oklahoma to just 16, but the offense looks completely lost without four-year-starter-now-NFL-QB Geno Smith. We raised a glass to the Morganbillies for their scoreless effort vs. Maryland last week that brought home one of our best bet selections…OKSU 38 WVU 14
CENTRAL FLORIDA (+7) over #12 South Carolina: We turned off the PSU-UCF game in disgust after watchin’ QB Blake Bortles and his Golden Knights carve up the alma mater’s defense en route to an 18-point lead and eventual 3-point road-win two weeks ago, so we’re not totally amazed by this fairly-short line vs. an SEC contender. Both sides were idle last week, so there’s been plenty of film-study. Knights are 3-0 SU/ATS, but the other pair of wins came vs. Akron and Florida International squad that’s challenging New Mexico State for worst I-A team. UCF hangin’ around just beyond the Top 25 boundary and Da’ Nuggets have won 7 of last 9 decided by a TD or less, but covered only 3…KFC 29 UCF 24
#13 UCLA: IDLE (next @ Utah 10/3)
#14 Oklahoma (-3 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Leprechauns are on borrowed time and the spread reflects that. Sparty had multiple opportunities to beat Notre Dame last week, but were plagued by dropped balls on offense, a missed FG in the kicking game and four pass-interference penalties that revived Irish drives. Lucky Charms are now 0-fer-four ATS and Michigan State pressured Tommy Rees into throwin’ a lotta’ balls well-past the sidelines. Sooners show unfavorable spread-record in last six decided by 7 or less and even worse vs. ranked opponents, but…Sooners 23 ND 16
#15 Miami @ SOUTH FLORIDA: OFF
#16 WASHINGTON (-8) over Arizona: Contrary to our initial assessment, Sled Dogs look like they could be the real-deal this season…or are at least bowl-worthy after appropriately smashing FCS Idaho State 56-0, taking a 42-point halftime edge. Huskies defense looks decent, giving up just 30 points over first three games. Arizona comes in undefeated after three games, with victories over AA Northern Arizona, and UNLV, who held its own until the special teams developed a major case of the dumb-ass! We think ‘Cats won’t be “keepin’ up with the Sarkisians”… UDUB 31 Arizona 20
#17 Northwestern: IDLE (next vs. Ohio State)
#18 Michigan: IDLE (next vs. Minnesota)
#19 Baylor: IDLE (next vs. West Virginia)
#20 Florida (-13 ½) over KENTUCKY: UF QB Jeff Driskel’s out for the season with a broken leg, meaning Florida go all “’Bama” and turn it over to the rushing game and the D. Kentucky also will run frequently out of the spread offense…Gators 28 KY 13
#24 Texas Tech: IDLE (next @ Kansas)
#25 Fresno State @ HAWAII: OFF (but we’ll give ya our thoughts anyway)…Coach Tim Deruyter helped the Bulldogs improve points-scored by about 10 ppg, while lowering points-against by 11 ppg, leading to nifty 10 covers in 12 tries last season. State went 7-0 as double-digit chalk, but 6 were in conference and the other came vs. Colorado team that had a lone SU win (a one-point victory over Wazzou) and lost to AA Sacramento State. Bulldogs survived a couple of shoot-outs at Rutgers and vs. Boise, winning each by a single point, and could easily be 0-2, thus nowhere near the Top 25. The offense looks good. The D?…not so much, allowing two touchdowns more per game than in 2012. ‘Bows’ best chance for an outright victory comes in a couple weeks here in Sin City and in late November vs. Army. Margin of loss continues to increase for UH…going from 17 to 19 to 22 last week at Reno, but Islanders still took the money in two of those three.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the NSA has one of Husker coach’s e-mails referring to Vindy as a “!@!%#!! fair-weather forecaster!” A word of advice to the Big Dread coach…”Crank it to eleven!” An unidentified spokesperson for that agency also said they’ve had audio and videotape from NFL locker-rooms “for years!”
Effective with the 2014 season, the Big Tent-Peg Conference is reverting back to “East” and “West” divisions, waving buh-bye to the “Legends” and “Leaders” tags. Frankly, we always thought “Legerdemains” and “Bleeders” had a nice ring!
Speaking of issues in the Big Tantrum Conference….Jen Vrabel vs. Jen Bielema in Twitter-wars???!!! Playing soon on Bravo…“Real Not-in-My-House-Wives of the NCAA???!!!”
Following its broadcast by the home stadium-operator during the Cincinnati Bengals’ win over the Steelers, the team put da’ kibosh on any future playing of Katy Perry’s “Roar”. In fact, officials said they would sooner welcome karaoke tunes by Refrigerator Perry…or even…Admiral Perry! Given Bengals’ narrow-escape vs. the Packers, in which the hometown heroes rendered-useless a 14-0 start and saw a subsequent 16-point hole before managing the victory this weekend, perhaps “The One That Got Away” was nearly the appropriate choice by the pop-artist! Maybe “George of the Jungle” should be kept on the I-Pod just in case. Given lyrics about having “the eye of the tiger”, Vindicator immediately flashed back to a certain boxing-movie featuring Mr. T as Clubber Lang. Can anybody out there picture Mickey yellin’ …”I wanna’ hear ya roar, Rock!...I wanna’ hear ya roar!” (Yeah, we couldn’t either!). “Lions… without eyes of the tiger…oh my!”
In related news, Vindicator made quiche fer a girl…and she liiiiiiked it!
The newly-proposed Oakland mascot “The Raider Rusher” reminds us of a ‘roid-rage version of Buckeyes mascot, Brutus, or for our fellow Marvel Comics geeks…MODOK!
Floyd Mayweather wants to replace Justin Bieber with Miley Cyrus as his escort to the ring in his next fight. In all honesty, Vindy prefers Amanda Bynes as his dysfunctional sportsbook-entrance arm-candy!
Black Shirt: The coveted undergarment goes to Texas State RB Robert Lowe for a 49-yard TD run early in the 3rd Quarter vs. Texas Tech for the Bobcats’ (+26 ½) only score, which allowed Vindy to enjoy the protection of the “hook” in 33-7 loss.
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Yep…we want our ‘Bama -40 pick over Colorado State back after we sallied-forth despite our letdown/sandwich spot concerns in the Week Four write-up.
“Locked in a Box?”: Michigan had to rally against lower-tier competition in back-to-back weeks and posts our first “lock” loss on the year (3-1, .750).
Shoppe Talk: The Uclans (-42) beat the line vs. dismal NMSU team to go 1-2 in the forecast and 4-9 (.308) over the past 13 appearances in da’ Picks!
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 13-6 (.684)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Akron, South Alabama +21 over TENNESSEE, Colorado +10 ½ over OREGON STATE, Troy-DUKE “under” 67 ½
No comments:
Post a Comment