BYU COPS TO COVERT CAR-LOT
PROVO, Utah (REUTERS)…An attack-of-conscience at Brigham Young University, following a French vitamin-water company’s marketing snafu over a bottle-cap phrase, which when translated to English, included a term that is used in a derogatory way to describe the mentally-challenged and sparked a product recall, led to revelation of a previously-secret stash of KIA vehicles acquired nearly eight months ago. The unfortunate model name, Provo, created a firestorm when Northern Ireland objected to the name because it was slang for the Provisional Irish Republican Army, the violence-prone segment of the IRA. Thinking car sales would have a better chance in Utah, the manufacturer shipped the autos to the Mormon university. But after reviewing ad campaigns and not wanting students and locals seen on the religious campus in vehicles portrayed in TV commercials as being driven by “hoodie-wearing gangsta’ hamsters”, school officials simply stowed away the clandestine fleet in a little-known underground parking lot beneath LaVell Edwards Stadium!
Not too far away in Vegas, our fab forecaster wanted to conceal Saturday’s 5-5-2 tally as well (40-29-4, .580). Readers can run but they can’t hide from…
THE WEBER KID’S 2013 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Goin’ pink all month in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness)
THURS. OCT. 3
#12 Ucla (-4 ½) over UTAH: Curiously-low line, though looking at Thursday-night ATS records, the chalk went 6-2 on the season’s opening night. Since then, the team getting points has taken the money in the subsequent eight games-in-question. (FYI, your humble host has been on the right side of the Thursday-nighter just once in four tries and none since August 29). Utes, coming into the year off first losing-season since 2005, beat BYU 20-13 before last week’s bye and dropped a 51-48 track-meet to the Beavers. Bruins are crushing opponents by an average of 34 ppg, including 20-point win in Lincoln. Utes have done little noteworthy since joining the PAC-12, winning just 7 of 19 in conference, with most of the victories coming vs. the lower-tier…Bruins 34 Utes 17
SAT. OCT. 5
Georgia State (+55 ½) over #1 ALABAMA: Will anybody other than possibly AJ McCarron and his teammates on offense, who’ve been limited to 21- and 23-points the past two weeks, give a flyin’ rat’s about this non-conference game vs. FBS-rookie Panthers? Tide won by this many once in the last decade, with 63-7 win over this same Joja’ State club in 2010. Senior-laden Panthers did cover in 41-7 loss three weeks ago at West Virginia. ‘Bama D might consider it an insult to let State score after Ole Miss laid the goose-egg last week, and UA did throw back-to-back shut-outs twice last season…’Bama 51 Georgia State 0
COLORADO (+38) over #2 Oregon: Mallards 51 Bison 19
#3 Clemson (-13 ½) over SYRACUSE: Clemson 31 Syracuse 16
#16 NORTHWESTERN (+6) over #4 Ohio State: Wildcats, off 14-point win over AA Maine, spent last week watchin’ film. Buckeyes, up 17 after three quarters, allowed Wisky the final 10 points to make it a closer game. Buckeyes were outgained by the Badgers but were plus-one in turnovers and QB Braxton Miller was efficient enough in his first start back from injury, adding 83 rushing yards as well. N-DUB’s allowing more points-against than last season, but bring a better ground game than Wisconsin did. The offspring of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West came into the world last summer and got the moniker “North West”. Should said celebrity-daughter grow up and acquire a nursing degree at a certain Evanston school while cheering the Wildcats, would she eventually be known as North West, RN???!!!...OSU 27 NW 24
#5 STANFORD (-7) over #15 Washington: Trees 31 UDUB 21
#6 Georgia (-11) over TENNESSEE: ‘Dawgs could be flat off back-and-forth game vs. LSU, a la ‘Bama’s performance vs. Colorado State following close-win over A&M. Vols let South Alabama hang around even more than we expected when we tagged the Jags (+20) as a preferred-pick last week, as Rocky Top escaped with a 7-point victory. Bulldogs D can be had and Vols lost by 7 between the hedges in 2012 and by 8 the season before that. Tennessee might consider employing the squib-kick strategy used by LSU to limit Joja’s return capability. We think UGA’s Marshall Morgan corked the tip of his kicking-shoe in light of 55-yard FG that cleared the uprights easily despite a kicking-motion more reminiscent of a golfer using a wedge to get outta’ da’ sand-trap!...Georgia 45 Vols 27
#7 Louisville (-33 ½) over TEMPLE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Redbirds don’t excel off a bye week facing teams with poor SU records, but in the past two weeks, Owls have lost outright to AA Fordham and Idaho while laying more than a touchdown. Rested Cardinals should pad some of Teddy’s passing numbers…Da’ Ville 51 Temple (of Gloom) 6
#25 Maryland (+16) over #8 FLORIDA STATE: We didn’t know how good the Box Turtles were until West Virginia upset Oklahoma State last week. Terps ripped the Mounties 37-0 (one of our best bet calls that week). ‘Noles again proved they might be a tad over-rated, spotting BC a 10-point edge before coming back to win but not cover in Chestnut Hill. FSU does start a freshman at QB, Jameis Winston. Maryland’s young on offense too, but seasoned on defense, though has been beaten handily by the Seminoles the past three years. State shows just a 3-9 spread-record facing Top 25 foes, with two of the three wins coming in the post-season…FSU 27 MD 20
#9 Texas A&M: IDLE (next @ Ole Miss)
#10 Louisiana State (-9) over MISSISSIPPI STATE: LSU 27 MSU 14
#11 OKLAHOMA (-10 ½) over Texas Christian: Sooners 33 Toads 20
#13 SOUTH CAROLINA (-22 ½) over Kentucky: Chicken Nuggets 34 KY 10
#14 MIAMI (-5) over Georgia Tech: Hurricanes 24 Wreck 17
#17 BAYLOR (-27) over West Virginia: Mountaineers continue to haunt us, pulling off upset over Oklahoma State. Apparently, FSU transfer QB Clint Trickett found the offense that had been missing (though WVU did return a pick for a score) in his initial start since 2011. The red zone defense was excellent, but it’ll be probed hard this week by Baylor, who runs well with Lache Seastrunk. Bares’ stop-squad has improved considerably, allowing just 23 points through first three games in comparison to 89 points this time last year. Baylor took a wild 70-63 game last year in Morgantown…Bears 48 WVU 17
#18 FLORIDA (-11 ½) over Arkansas: Gators 27 Arkansas 13
Minnesota (+20) over #19 MICHIGAN: Gilded Gerbils pulled-off four straight wins before being stifled through the better-part of three quarters by Iowa. The victories, however, came vs. UNLV (which held its own until the special-teams melt-down), AA Western Illinois (which lost to UNLV by a larger margin), New Mexico State (again, one of the worst teams at the I-A level) and San Jose State (perhaps its best triumph). Big Blew committed eight turnovers in its past two games and was lucky get by Akron and UConn. Even bottom-feeders stand a puncher’s chance with those kinda’ opportunities and maybe Michigan’s youth is more prominent than we thought. Hopefully, the Wolverines used the off-week working on ball-security, but…Michigan 34 Minny 16
#20 Texas Tech (-17 ½) over KANSAS: Red Raiders 38 Jayhawks 13
Kansas State (+14) over #21 OKLAHOMA STATE: Cowpokes 34 KSU 29
Notre Dame (+5) over #22 Arizona State (@ Arlington, TX): Tough to beat a quality opponent like Oklahoma, even at home, when ya toss three picks and complete just 9 of 24 throws like Tommy Rees did. Irish did run for 220 yards, though 80 came on a single rush. Leprechauns are now 0-fer-five against the number and all three SU defeats have been by double-digits. Having said that, a post-season berth is still in play for ND and ASU popped back into the rankings with a 62-41 victory that led USC to finally “Abstain from Lane” and “Stop Whiffin’ with Kiffin”. All of the Sun Devils’ I-A opposition has put up 30 or more and we expect a fair number of points. Little voice in Vindy’s head screamin’ “upset”. And just as a side-note, following its national title loss to Alabama last season, Notre Dame changed the wording over its tunnel entrance to “Got Played Like A Champion Today!”…Our Lady 34 Pitchforks 30
IDAHO (+25 ½) over #23 Fresno State: We considered this for “lock”. Tough supportin’ Bulldogs who continue to give up big points to opponents. Four of State’s five turnovers came in the final 30 minutes, allowing Hawaii to make a thriller outta’ what was a 42-3 halftime hole for Da’ ‘Bows. Vandals, who had given up more than 40 to each of its first four opponents before upsetting Temple last week 26-24, lost by just 10 at home to potent Northern Illinois under first-year coach Paul Petrino. Ain’t no beaches, pineapple or hula-skirts in Moscow, Idaho, but until FSU proves it can play some defense for 60 minutes…Bulldogs 42 Tater-Heads 27
#24 Mississippi (-2 ½) over AUBURN: Ole Mist 20 War Eagle 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, one of the hooded passengers in the KIA commercials looks an awful lot like Bill Belichick!
Iowa State this week falls into Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com “back ‘em in Game Four at home” column, having bowled last season, lost its first two outright to AA Northern Iowa and rival-Hawkeyes, then beat Tulsa last week. The Dust Devils (+9) host Texas this Saturday. We noted Syracuse (-15) vs. Tulane in this category last week. ‘Cuse blew the Green Wave off the gridiron in 52-17 romp!
Knowshon Moreno worked some “rock-paper-scissors” into his TD celebration vs. the Eagles a week after the Broncos passed on “Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Mo” in favor of that game to select the ball-carrier for trash-time score vs. Oakland. Nice, but had the game been “Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock”, Sheldon Cooper woulda’ been takin’ the hand-off in Denver’s backfield instead!
With Major League Baseball’s playoffs underway this week, we note not long after the New Year, Vegas became a backdrop for the reality TV show “Pete Rose: Hits & Mrs.” featuring the ex-baseballer and his long-distance relationship with then-fiancée and former Playboy model Kiana Kim. We were hopin’ fer a twist or two, like Ray Fosse throwin’ the bachelor party or showin’ up to the nuptials as Best Man or ring-bearer or something! Just wonderin’ if Charlie Hustle decided to consummate the marriage by divin’ into first-base on the wedding night??!!
In related news, Tom Brady drew a $10,000 levy for a cleats-high slide vs. Ed Reed in last season’s AFC Championship loss to the Ravens. The Patriots pretty-boy QB said he was merely trying to break-up the double-play and keep Wes Welker from being thrown out at First Base. Reed pulled off the old “neighborhood play” then wheeled and threw to Ray Lewis to “turn two”!.
Philly defenders apparently taunted Peyton Manning this Sunday with shouts of “Papa John’s!” every time the Broncos QB audibled. Ironically, a cocktail waitress yelled “Summer’s Eve!” each time Vindicator tried to change his wagers at the sportsbook counter! Come to think of it, fans in the City of Brotherly Love will do likewise whenever the now-1-3 Eagles take the field!
We welcome the puck-drop on the NHL regular season this week as well. The Stanley Cup toured Sin City for 24 hours in late July. Vindy’s spies say the coveted trophy got a lap dance at a local gentlemen’s club, bungee-jumped from the top of the Stratosphere and was then beaten with baseball bats before being buried in the desert!
Have ya seen the latest pics of Miley Cyrus???!!! No offense to Michael Jordan, but we ain’t seen tongue like that since Gene Simmons wore the KISS face-paint! Anybody else out there wanna’ see the pop tart hang her head out the window of a moving car?! BTW, her latest video features her au natural ridin’ the shoulders of a former-Badgers star and now Broncos running back through a stone wall in…”Montee Ball”!
The Olympic torch was lit this past weekend in southern Greece. Given the stance of the Games’ host-government against anything that flames, we’re guessing it’ll never get across the Russian border!
Somebody please tell Verizon that #FOMOF actually stands for “Fear of Missing Out on Forecast!”
Black Shirt: The obsidian undergarment goes to Central Florida QB Blake Bortles for tossing a pair of scoring passes in the final 10 minutes to get UCF within 3 of South Carolina to get us one of our five forecast dubyas!
“Locked in a Box?”: A late touchdown gave Georgia the victory over LSU (+3) and resulted in a push for our “lock” choice, leaving the season record at 3-1-1 (.750).
Shoppe Talk: With the upset of the Cowboys, the Mounted Ears of WVU go to 0-2 (.000) in the forecast and 2-9 (.181) in last 11 appearances! The ‘Noles of FSU racked-up another loss fer Da’ Picks and fall to 1-2 (.333) on the season and 5-10 (.333) in last 15! The Crimson Schnide is under close observation at 0-3-1 (.000) in 2013! KFC gets a pass, but shouldn’t leave town at 1-3 (.250)!
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 15-8 (.652, though just 5-4 the last two weeks)
South Alabama +3 ½ over TROY, MARSHALL -14 over Texas-San Antonio, NC State -8 ½ over WAKE FOREST, Texas State +11 ½ over UL-LAFAYETTE, Florida Atlantic +4 ½ over UAB
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