TSA
HIRING PANEL IMPLEMENTS SPORTS CHALLENGES
WASHINGTON,
District of Columbia (REUTERS)…On the heels of
failures in nearly 96% of covert, unannounced tests this past Spring, to
prevent smuggling of banned weapons by security screeners at several-dozen airports
nationwide, that saw the Homeland Security folks go all “Stripes” and send the
then-TSA big-dog to an Arctic weather-station, the Transportation Security
Authority assessed the agents-in-question and recognized that many also fell
for ruses pulled across major sports leagues. As a result, the agency has been able to quickly dismiss subsequent
job-applicants who were easily duped by baseball’s “hidden ball trick”,
football’s “Statue of Liberty” play, and those who were “deked outta’ their
shoes” by hoops-players conducting head-fakes on dribble-drives! Les Miles has
not returned media phone calls following suggestions that he was brought in as
a consultant by Homeland Security.
Following an offseason spent as an understudy for
various roles in the Broadway smash hit, “Oregon Duck Commander: The Musical”
and producing a collaborative effort with Forrest Whitaker called “Twilight
Zone Defense: Da’ Musical”, Vindicator breaks the huddle with his 2015
Preseason Forecasting Strategy team of skier Lindsey Vonn, Seahawks fan &
jailbird Scott Shelton, the Jackie Robinson West Little League team, Kanye West,
the staff of Rolling Stone magazine, CHAPPiE,
Captain Obvious, Barles Charkley, Niners’ rookie/retiree Chris Borland, Triple-Crown
winner American Pharoah, Stephen Curry’s two-year-old daughter Riley, Caitlyn
Jenner, cerebral palsy awareness champion Hunter Gandee, Knicks’ first-pick of
da’ 2015 NBA Draft Kristaps Porzingis and Ant-Man, which can be a harbinger
of just
one thing…the return of…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Generatin’ “trigger-warnings” across da’ globe!)
THURS.
SEPT. 3
MINNESOTA
(+17) over #2 Texas Christian: Horny Toads 34 Gophers
24
Alcorn
State @ #16 GEORGIA TECH: No line.
#22
ARIZONA (-32) over Texas-San Antonio: Best guess for “Wish We
Had It Back”. Wildcats were
fortunate to escape The Alamo, Da’ River-Walk and various other San Antone
tourist-attractions with a 26-23 dubya after playin’ some major defense late in
the 2014-version of this contest. UA has beaten just three teams four times by this many over the last three seasons
(UDUB, Utah and UNLV [twice]) and the Feral Felines show a recent 4-11-1 ATS
tally in non-conference matches giving points in Tucson. Roadrunners bring back
just 2 starters on O and 4 on D and regressed to 17 ppg-scored last season. UTSA
had covered 6 of last 8 non-conference tilts, but with the little voice in
Vindy’s head yellin’, “Don’t do it!”,
we’re backin’…Wildcat E. Coyote 42
Beep-Beep 3
FRI.
SEPT. 4
#4
Baylor (-36 ½) over SOUTHERN METHODIST: Bears lose QB Bryce
Petty but Coach Briles will just throw another stud out there and that lucky
young man will have 18 returning starters from last season’s 1-loss squad
around him. Hobby Horses opened 2014 with a 45-0 defeat to Baylor on their way
to being outscored 202-6 over the first four games and would go winless until
season-finale at UConn, managing a
27-20 victory. SMU has a new coach and we don’t think the home-field venue
justifies this much of a line-adjustment…Baylor 49 Ponies 10
WESTERN
MICHIGAN (+17) over #5 Michigan State: Sparty 31 Broncos 16
Washington
(+11 ½) over #23 BOISE STATE: Broncos are gettin’
lotsa’ nods as the Group of Five club
most-likely to reach a big $$$$ bowl again with the majority of the team that
toppled Arizona in the Fiesta last year back, but they’ve absorbed major hits
to the offense. Boise has lost three straight season-openers, including the 38-6
defeat by these Huskies to start 2013, but begin on the blue field (where they’ve won 14 consecutive matches) for first
time since 2009’s victory over Oregon. Then-BSU coach Chris Petersen is now on
the UDUB sideline and helped the Sled Dogs go 4-2 SU/ATS away in 2014, almost
upending then-#17 Arizona in Tucson in November. We seriously considered callin’ this our “upset pick of da’ week”, but
we’ll conservatively predict…Boise St 27 Washington 24
SAT.
SEPT. 5
#20
Wisconsin (+10) over #3 Alabama (@ Arlington, TX): Tide
24 Badgers 20
#6
Auburn (-10 ½) over Louisville (@ Atlanta, GA): In
2014, da’ Tigers couldn’t send opposing offenses to the sidelines, but did put up points themselves. Now-Auburn
DC Will Muschamp’s Gators had a great defense, but couldn’t dent the scoreboard
on offense. Sounds like a marriage made in Heaven! Aubie dropped four straight
games outright vs. FBS teams to end last year. Hello, new season!...Tigers 35 Birds 20
Eastern
Washington @ #7 OREGON: No line. EDUB transfer Vernon
Adams passed his final exam in August, the last obstacle to getting his
undergrad degree and to him getting the nod to line-up as starting-QB for the
Mallards. (FYI, Ducks were #117 in penalty yardage last season!)
Arkansas
State (+27 ½) over #8 USC: Much ado is being made about the
Trojans finally getting outta’ the NCAA doghouse this year. We’ll see how well
that translates on the field-of-play. Meanwhile, Red Wolves increased their
scoring output by 8 per game last season, with just 4 starters back on offense,
but Arkie State has covered just two of
last six against the Power Five conferences and the defense has been
problematic...SoCal 37 ASU 17
#9
GEORGIA (-35) over UL-Monroe: Joja’ 45 ULM 3
#10
FLORIDA STATE (-29) over Texas State: Despite multiple
personnel changes on offense and ongoing off-field distractions, we expect
better spread results this year from the ‘Noles, who covered just three games
last season. TSU lost at Illinois by just 7 last year, but has not faced a team
of this caliber in its two-years of FBS play. Seven victories still saw the
Bobcats at home for the holidays, so as Phil
Steele notes, the team motto for
2015 is “Leave No Doubt”. How giving up on Gwen Stefani’s band is gonna’ help
Texas State’s bowl chances is beyond us, so we’ll just say…FSU 44 Ain’t No Hollaback
Girls 10
#11
NOTRE DAME (-10) over Texas: Irish 31 ‘Horns 16
Wofford
@ #12 CLEMSON: No line.
Virginia
(+20) over #13 UCLA: Bruins 31 Cavs 16
McNeese
State @ #14 LSU: No line.
#15
Arizona State (+3) over Texas A&M (@ Houston, TX): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. MINOR UPSET
PICK OF DA’ WEEK. ASU has most of its players back from
one of the most inexperienced squads in the country that hit the win-column 10
times last year (but the D needs to stop the back-slide). Aggies have beaten 15
straight non-conference opponents over the past three seasons. We think that
nice run ends here…Pitchforks 38 A&M 34
Tennessee-Martin
@ #17 MISSISSIPPI: No line.
#18
ARKANSAS vs. Texas-El Paso (“over” 49 ½): Bacon Bits 48 Minecraft 13
Akron
(+31) over #19 OKLAHOMA: Sooners 34 Zips 14
NORTHWESTERN
(+12) over #21 Stanford: Stanford 24 N-Dub 17
SE
Missouri @ #24 MISSOURI: No line.
Bowling
Green (+20 ½) over #25 Tennessee (@ Nashville, TN) (“Over” 60?): Culminating
the 2014 season, the MAC East had just two teams reach .500 or better and just
one squad finished with a winning SU record. That team? Da’ Bee Gees, who
pulled that off even while yielding 17 more points-per-game than they did in
2013! This time last year, we were wonderin’ if the Vols might go 0-12 if they
weren’t careful, but Rocky Top’s young club made the postseason, improving 5
ppg on each side of the ball, thus the lofty expectations now…Vols 42 Falcons 27
MON.
SEPT. 7
VIRGINIA
TECH (+12) over #1 Ohio State: As we all know by now,
Hokies put the lone stain on State’s otherwise-pristine win-loss record last
year. But does this really count as a
“revenge” game given that the losing team went on to win a national title? While we’re not puttin’ any stock in historically-undisputed
AP preseason #1Buckeyes’ diminished-chances to cover due to multiple
suspensions because Meyer has a long line of talented folks in reserve that’s
reminiscent of a snake of shoppers waiting outside any major department store
on Black Friday, we note VirginiaTech has a bunch back from last year’s two-TD
victory, is solid outright at home and OSU survived a number of one-score final-margins
en route to the inaugural CFP crown…State 31 VT 24
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
Arkansas State kicker Luke
Ferguson, not be outdone by his counterpart at Wisconsin, Rafael Gaglianone,
who made a video of himself bootin’ a ball for a three off his holder’s nose, launched a kick that split the
uprights off his holder’s tongue.
Geez….what’s next…kickin’ the pigskin off somebody’s earlobe, contact lens or
jock-strap?!!! It’s a known fact that kickers have…well..er..um…ya
know….”issues”. But doesn’t anybody on the recruiting staff do any kinda’
mental health evaluation of the holders???!
Rorschach ink-blot test??! One of those Facebook
“What does your profile pic say about your ability to fit in as a normal
human being?” quizzes?!…Something??!!!
A pair of therapy-llamas
bolted from an assisted-living facility in Sun City, Arizona. Coaches for the
Sun Devils, Wildcats and NFL Cardinals scrambled in an effort to sign the
elusive animals to fulfill needs at wide-receiver and running back! (BTW,
Vindicator has a couple of service-anacondas.
They monitor his blood pressure…and when it gets too high, the snakes eat the
people responsible for the stress! Teams in the weekly “Shoppe Talk” section of
our blog should consider themselves duly-advised!)
Much ado was made in June by the European Space
Agency upon receipt of signals from Philae, a space probe thought to have been
toast seven months prior. Big deal! Vindy’s
Picks traditionally goes off da’ gridiron in mid-January following the
national championship game, only to pop-up in late August and announce its
annual sentience! Holla!
As we note this time each
year, from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll
finished in the Top 10 of the final AP that season. In 2009, only Cincinnati
did so and in 2010, only Stanford did so. 2011 saw no qualifiers. But 2012 saw a return-to-form with Notre Dame (#26
preseason) and Texas A&M (no votes in the preseason poll) finishing 4th
and 6th, respectively, after opening the season without a hashtag by
their names. 2013 had four (count ‘em four!) teams make da’ cut…title-game
loser #2 Auburn, #3 Michigan State (which was #26 in the opening poll), #5
Mizzou and #10 Central Florida! Most recently, TCU finished the 2014-15 season
at #3, while Joja’ Tech came in at #8! Your mission…should ya choose to accept it…is to figure out which
squad(s) will surprise in a big way for 2015! Our best guess….Kansas State!
And upon further
review, going back to 2002, at least one team in the AP Preseason Top Ten each
season has finished outside the rankings in the final AP poll for that year. Two or more preseason darlings have done
so eight times. Georgia and Florida, #5 and #10 respectively to begin 2013,
ended up with nary a vote in the poll published following last year’s National
Championship game. A closer look reveals that eight of those years saw a
minimum of at least one SEC club get the dubious distinction (11 total from
that conference over the current skid)…with at least one member of the SEC East
falling in five of ‘em (seven total from the division), including 2014 preseason
#9 South Carolina! The Big 12 gets honorable mention, showing five seasons with
at least one qualifier, including 2014 preseason #4 Oklahoma (who had 7 votes
in the final poll)! Again, we challenge the loyal readership to predict which
team(s) from among Ohio State, TCU, ‘Bama, Baylor, Michigan State, Auburn,
Oregon, USC, Joja’ and Florida State will finish in relative obscurity!
Marc
Lawrence’s Playbook.Com mag recommends betting on bowl
teams from the previous season who drop their first two games SU, then win Game
Three outright and play in their own friendly confines during Game Four. The
strategy went 2-fer-2 in 2013, with Syracuse (-17 in 52-17 win over Tulane) and
Iowa State (+7 in 31-30 loss to Texas) both bringin’ home the money in the
designated role! Last season’s qualifiers also went 2-0, with Vandy +21 and
Wazzou +23 ½ covering nicely in Week 4. Reviewing the list of 2014-15
post-season squads, Game Four road contests instantly eliminate more than half
of last season’s bowlers and
realistically, another half of the remaining teams would need to suffer
upsets by one or both of their first two opponents to be considered, putting
the feasible number of options in the
teens this season. But not-to-worry, faithful readers…we’ll track the progress
for you and announce the qualifiers in our forecasts for Weeks Four, Five and
Six! Don’t touch that Dial-Up soap!!!
Hooray for da’ “little guy”…in match-ups of FBS vs. ranked-FCS
teams this week, we provide our predictions on upsets that are most-likely, fitty-fitty and won’t
happen: Most-Likely…#3 Villanova over
UCONN, #7 New Hampshire over SAN JOSE STATE and #15 South Dakota State over
KANSAS; Fitty-fitty…#2 Illinois State @ Iowa, #4 Sam Houston State @ TEXAS TECH, #10
Northern Iowa @ IOWA STATE, #16 Youngstown State @ PITT and #21 Fordham @ ARMY; Won’t…#23 McNeese State @
LSU and #6 Eastern Washington @ OREGON.
Mark it down. Ya heard it here first!
According to a recent ish of Popular Mechanics (which apparently now prides itself on correcting
quarterbacks’ throwing motions!), Big
Blue’s tilt this week at Utah is…a “cupcake game”???!!! Here are the possible
reasons…. someone at PM is a die-hard (and delusional)
Wolverines fan; Kyle Whittingham
asked the mag to write the piece to fire-up his own guys as a counter-measure to all the hype surrounding hire of
the ex-Stanford/ex-49ers’ head coach or…(GASP!) Harbaugh himself submitted the propaganda because Jimmy’s known to have…er…um…well…
“Batmans in the belfry”…to Jack
Nicholson/Heath Ledger levels!
Still rakin’-in big dollars at the box-office this
week…Celebs and other baseball fans are terrorized by an unnatural barrage of violent-wind-blown
home-runs by rappers from Compton, California in…”Straight Outta’ Da’ Parknado!”
“Locked
in a Box?”: 1-1
(.500) in our very-truncated 2014
prediction-campaign.
Shoppe
Talk (calling out teams that have given us waaaay-more spread-pick
difficulty than others): On-hand for
the 2015 grand-reopening of Ye Olde
Taxidermy Shoppe to be stuffed and mounted…Fresno State, who has thwarted 8
of our last 9 tries to pick them correctly against the spread (1-8, .111);
Clemson (2-6, .250); Oklahoma (4-11, .267) and Michigan (3-7, .300)!
Vindy’s
Week 1 Best Bets: North Carolina +2 ½ over South Carolina,
NC STATE -25 over Troy, TEMPLE +7
over Penn State, Mississippi State -20 ½ over SUDDEN MISS Last season: 1-7 (.125…again, we threw in the towel after Week 2 in 2014).
Next
week…More off-season silliness, including a few thoughts on…the NFL! 
No comments:
Post a Comment