FORECASTER
OVERREACTS TO POLITICAL ARTICLE TITLE
LAS
VEGAS, Nevada (CNN)…The Vegas Vindicator went into
protective-mode after catching an Internet headline reading, “Trump Blasts
Kelly”. Not an avid follower of politics, the prestigious prognosticator
immediately contacted local police departments in Philadelphia, South Bend and
New York City to check on the health and welfare of Eagles coach Chip Kelly, Fightin’ Irish coach Brian Kelly, and even Kelly Ripa of Kelly & Michael (Strahan of NY Giants fame). The well-meaning
college football oracle was later stunned to know that the intended-target of
the vitriol of “The Apprentice” star and brash financial mogul was actually FOX
News host Megyn Kelly!
In light of Week Two’s 6-11-1 “performance”
(15-20-1, .429 season), reminiscent of an early one in 2014 that led us to
close-up shop and take the rest of that
season off this time last year, perhaps one of the aforementioned celebrities
will return the favor and alert an ATC Spotter (employed by the NFL to watch
for signs of concussions and actually stop games to get a distressed player off
the field) to keep an eye on Vindy in case he starts repeatedly-banging
his head on the sportsbook counter and wanders to the wrong side of the
blackjack table to deal pages from…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Sponsored
this week by AshleyMadison.Com)
THURS.
SEPT. 17
#11
Clemson (-5 ½) over LOUISVILLE: For having a depleted
defense, Tigers have fared well to-date, yielding just 20 total points,
including just 10 to Appalachian State team that averaged 36 ppg last season
(though four Mountaineers turnovers and a dozen yellow hankies didn’t help the
cause). Da’ Ville dropped a shootout to Houston as almost- two–TD chalk and is
now one of two remaining candidates for the Game Four strategy from Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com that we
mentioned in Week One. Redbirds have been horrible ATS at home the past two
years…Tigers 29 Louisville 20
FRI.
SEPT. 18
#9
Florida State (-8 ½) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Tribe started
slow but pounded the ball on the ground to whack USF by 20. BC lost this one
20-17 last year with just 9 returning starters, same as they have this time. State was, however, coming off a tight
victory over Miami just ahead of that game vs. the Eagles. Vindy’s staffers are
fitting Chief Osceola’s horse, Renegade, fer
an honorary “black shirt” given that
da’ Noles (1-1 ATS) are the only team remaining in the Top 25 this week to have
gone 2-0 fer Vindy’s Picks thus far!...FSU
24 BC 14
Idaho
State @ #BOISE STATE: No line.
SAT.
SEPT. 19
Northern
Illinois (+34 ½) over #1 OHIO STATE: Up mid-4th
Quarter by a mere 17-0 over da’ Bows and knowin’ your flustered forecaster had
Hawaii +38, the Buckeyes reeled off three
touchdowns in the final 9 minutes to push
????!!!! Are ya freakin’ kiddin’
us????!!!! OSU 42 Huskies 12
#15
Mississippi (+7) over #2 ALABAMA: UPSET ALERT. Tide
eventually blew out Wisconsin to start the year, but couldn’t cover the large
spread vs. Middle Tennessee State. Coker managed the game okay, throwing for
214 with a TD-pass and a pick, but got help from his running backs, D and
special teams. We’ll forgive ‘Bama fer maybe looking ahead last Saturday. Ole
Miss accounted for Tide’s only regular-season defeat, winning 23-17 at home.
Nick Saban’s crew has lost just once in past 22 home games. Rebels have racked
up 149 points in first two matches of 2015…Tide 17 Ole Miss 16
#3
TCU (-38) over Southern Methodist: Ponies, who’ve hit the
board for 21 and 31 points, respectively, to open the season after averaging
just 11 ppg a year ago, are now 2-0 ATS after barely covering +36 ½ vs. Baylor
then beating North Texas last week to equal their SU win total from last
season. Horny Toads took this contest 56-zip in 2014, held Stephen F. Austin to
a meaningless 4th Quarter score and will grab style-points in 2015 anywhere
they can find ‘em…Frog Legs 54 SMU 13
Air
Force (+26 ½) over #4 MICHIGAN STATE: Spartans 29 Pilots 13
#5
Baylor: IDLE (next vs. Rice)
Stanford
(+10) over #6 USC: USC 21 Trees 14
South
Carolina @ #7 GEORGIA (“Under 54”): Gamehens were fortunate
to take advantage of interesting play-calls by the Tarheels to secure a late 17-13
victory in Week 1, but fell 26-22 at home to…Kentucky in Week 2. All
three of our calls on the total rather than the spread last week went down in
flames. Nonetheless, we’ll gingerly venture into that territory again (and unofficially, we’d consider takin’ the
Poultry with da’ 17 points). Nick Chubb should get lots of touches and burn
clock, while Carolina’s got little on the offensive side of da’ ball. Over the
summer, Steve Spurrier fired back at media suggesting the demise of the team
was because he was too old to coach. This choice has nothin’ to do with the Ol’
Ball Coach’s chronological-advancement, just about talent on the field and
historical results… Joja’ 27 SC 14
#14
Georgia Tech (-2) over #8 NOTRE DAME: This one got a look for
“lock of da’ week”. Irish were fortunate to leave
Charlottesville with the dubya after losing QB Zaire and allowing 400+ yards of
offense to the Cavs. While Zaire’s stand-in did have a pair of scoring throws,
ND will lean on RB C.J. Prosise early. The Bees absorbed 3 sacks in 10 passing
attempts in rout of Tulane, but that’s standard operating procedure for the
‘Jackets. Tech covered all five non-ACC games last season, while three of
Leprechauns’ five losses were by a combined 10 points…GT 34 Rudy 24
#19
Brigham Young (+17) over #10 UCLA: Should the visitors win
this one on a third “Hail Mary”…in as many
weeks…,we’ll give up drinkin’, gamblin’ and several other hedonistic-atheist
ways and join da’ LDS! Stayin’ on hot Cougars! (Oh wait…let’s re-phrase)….goin’
with streaking Mormons….(hmmm…that didn’t work either)… .um… how ‘bout …UCLA 28 BYU 20
Georgia
State (+46) over #12 OREGON: Quack Attack 52 Joja’
State 17
#18
Auburn @ #13 LSU (under 49 ½): LSU 20 Auburn 17
Tulsa
(+31) over #16 OKLAHOMA: Sooners 34 Tulsa 17
Nevada-Reno
(+34) over #17 TEXAS A&M: We leaned initially
toward A&M given that the Aggies totaled 270 rushing yards vs. Ball State
and Reno granted 301 to Arizona. But A&M, up 49-3 at the intermission vs.
the Cardinals, let Ball State score 20 of the final 27 points after halftime.
Wolfpack was competitive, down just 8, before AZ took control in the last two
quarters. It’s a big number and TAMU might just concern itself more with SEC
opener in Arlington, Texas next week vs. Arkansas, despite Toledo’s upset of
the Hogs over the weekend…A&M 48 UNR 24
Northern
Arizona @ #20 ARIZONA: No line.
#21
Utah @ FRESNO STATE: OFF
#22
MISSOURI (-21) over Connecticut: We knew UConn was in major rebuilding-mode and we blatantly-ignored that fact, taking da’ Huskies to
cover 7 ½ vs. Army as a “best bet” in Week 2. Huskies 2-0 SU but have been
dismal road dogs, even when not
starting from scratch…Mizzou 34 UConn 10
#23
Northwestern (+3) over DUKE: Wildcats 24 Blue Devils
20
#24
WISCONSIN (-35) over Troy:
Wisky 44 Troy 3
Texas-San
Antonio (+24) over #25 OKLAHOMA STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. UTSA
drew Arizona into a track-meet, but managed just a FG vs. D-minded K-State.
Cowboys have been involved in a couple of low-scoring games to-date, but could
be enticed to open it up a bit here. State has won the past two seasons by 21
in 2013 and 30 last year. A trip to
Austin looms for …OKSU 31 Roadrunners 21
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy also sent the authorities to check-in on
artists and actors Clint Eastwood of Kelly’s
Heroes, Kelly Clarkson, Kellie Pickler and Kelly Osbourne…just in case!
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Three of the teams we were backin’
last week lost their startin’ quarterbacks (Utah, Notre Dame and UNLV),
contributing to blown covers and three of our losses! (Thank you for listening.
We now return you to our
regularly-scheduled “hash”!)
Sam Boyd Stadium has undergone some cosmetic
renovations to provide more of a “home-field” feeling for the Rebels, including
diamond-shaped yard-markers and the trademark “Welcome to Vegas” sign in the
end zones. Coach Tony Sanchez was mum on other features coming in the future,
but prior to the start of the season, said, “We’ll be crankin’ da’ music…”.
Hmmm…Vindy interpreted that to mean some Radioactive
from Vegas-based Imagine Dragons…or
Elvis…maybe even…Britney! We didn’t see da’
game, but based on the 37-3 loss to UCLA, it was apparently selections from…Celine Dion!!!!
Vindy texted a pizza
emoji to Domino’s. They delivered
a losing two-team parlay-wager!
To add insult to injury, our Eagles -1 over ATLANTA
bet, placed a few weeks before the season, also went down in flames! Hey, Chip!
We hear Oregon calling!
Speaking of losers,
for those outside the region, da’ Mountain Jest
played 10 non-conference games last weekend … and put all of ‘em in the “L” column!
Despite the untimely
demise of Tom Brady’s cell-phone, officials at Northeast Bell report the pretty-boy Patriots QB was generally-aware of telephone-operator
Gilda Radner making connections within a few-too-few ringy-dingies and is
now under investigation by the FCC.
Congrats to Boston’s David
Ortiz fer swattin’ HR #500 on Saturday! BTW, if the Red Sox slugger meets a
certain medicinal- substance from “Game of Thrones”, would it be called…“Milk
of the Big Papi”???!!!
Early in the baseball season, Pete Rose became a
pre-game guest studio analyst for FOX Sports Network. His tenure was cut short after
he was seen bowlin’ over a FOX baseball broadcast-anchor in an effort to
dislodge his microphone!
“Wish
We Had It Back”: Uh-huh. Pick one from last week….but we did
peg our Idaho-plus–a- truckload over
USC as our “best guess” for this category!
Locked
in a Box?”: Irish
lost their starting QB and almost lost outright
to drop the lock record to 0-2 (.000).
Black
Shirt: Goes to Eastern Michigan coach Chris Creighton, who
helped his club win its first FBS non-conference game since mid-2012 and
brought home Vindy’s only correct “best bet” selection in Week 2!
Shoppe
Talk: Sooners solidified their footing at the Shoppe (0-2
on the season [.000] and now 4-13 streak [.235]). And upon further review,
Clemson was actually 3-9 headin’ into
this year (not 2-6 as we noted originally) and now 0-1 on the season (.000),
but also on 3-10 (.231) streak in the picks, joining OK on the walls of the Shoppe!
Vindy’s
Week 3 Best Bets: Wake
Forest-ARMY “under” 47 ½, Temple -10 ½ over UMASS, NAVY -3 ½ over East
Carolina, Southern Miss +3 over TEXAS STATE
Last Week: 1-3 Season:
3-5 (.400)
No comments:
Post a Comment