SIN CITY SOOTHSAYER ALTERS PAGEANT DYNAMIC
ATLANTIC CITY, New Jersey (FOX NEWS)…Adding to the major changes undergoing the Miss America pageant, originally started in 1921 as a “bathing-beauty-upon-further-revue", this year, the Vegas Vindicator has become the lone male on the judging-panel. As a result of last summer’s elimination of the swimsuit-competition and allowing contestants to wear apparel of their choice in the evening-gown segment, the fab-forecaster has let-leak a preference toward those who sport helmets-and-pads and excel in the Punt, Pass & Kick contest! In addition, at Vindicator’s urging, crown-hopefuls will be asked for their thoughts on the current College Football Playoff format during the interview portion.
Completely ignoring historical data suggesting early bowls trend toward the chalk and the “over”, we went heavy on “unders” and doggies to start 1-4-1, but rallied 6-2 down the stretch and finished 7-6-1. Failing-10epically in the “skills” segment, it’s...
THE WEBER KID’S 2018-19 BOWL PREDICTIONS: PART DEUX
(Under da’ Christmas tree, next to da’ Vindicator Chia-Pet, Fischer-Price Our First-Chainsaw Play-Set, Hot-Wheels Hugo and Missile-Me Elmo Attack-Drone!)
DEC. 26
SERVPRO FIRST RESPONDERS BOWL (@ Dallas, TX)
#23 Boise State vs. Boston College (“under 57”): Broncos, who have recent-history of defeating Power Five conference clubs, destroyed Troy and FCS-worthy UConn, but were flattened at Oklahoma State. State shows 2-1 SU/ATS record in last three bowls and lost in extras vs. Fresno State to miss MWC-crown. Iggles crawl-in here on 0-3/0-3 slide (though a pair of those losses were to Syracuse and CFP-team Clemson in final regular-season three matches). BC has won 14 of last 18 outright versus non-ACC teams. Combined, this pair went “under” this total 11 times...Eagles 24 BSU 19
QUICK LANE BOWL (@ Detroit, MI)
Georgia Tech (-5 ½) over Minnesota: Bees bring nation’s premiere rushing-game to this one. ‘Wreck started badly, dropping 3 of first 4, but piled-up 6 consecutive victories before Joja’-game we won’t talk about. Gophers ended-up at #76 in rush D, conceding 5.22 yards per tote and almost 171 ypg. That average did not force teams-behind to abandon the ground-attack...GT 39 Gerbils 27
CHEEZ-IT BOWL (@Phoenix, AZ)
California (-1) over Texas Christian: This would be our regular-season “lock of da’ week”. Bears haven’t entered post-season since 2015. Game’s in Phoenix, so there should be plenty of Ursine-fans in da’ stands. Berkley played well in 12-10 win over UDUB and subsequent one-possession loss at Wazzou. After facing #15 Oregon, unranked-but-SEC-Joja' and #15 Stanford the past three bowls while tallying DD-wins in four of last 5 campaigns, Toads aren’t gonna’ get up fer Cal in a venue named after a snack-cracker. Bottom continues to fall outta’ the total (currently 39 ½) ...Cubs 27 Horny Frogs 14
DEC. 27
WALK-ON'S INDEPENDENCE BOWL (@ Shreveport, LA)
Temple (-3 ½) over Duke: Best guess for “wish”-pick. Duke has covered 15 of last 18 non-ACC matches (including FBS games). We hope the time-off hasn’t hampered momentum for Temple, who opened 0-2 then reeled-off 8 wins in 10 games...Owls 30 Beezlebubs 24
NEW ERA PINSTRIPE BOWL (@ Bronx, NY)
Miami (-3) over Wisconsin: Neither side planned to play in cold-clime Bowlin’-Pin-Bowl come this time of year. Both started the preseason ranked in the AP Top 8, but will finish unranked and likely with nary-a-vote. ‘canes began 5-1 SU then fizzled when meeting da’ better conference-squads, though seriously took-out Pitt, and won last pair of regular-season matches. Badgers starting quarterback is undergoing concussion-protocol and won’t play. Wisky’s youth on D showed, regressing from 217’s 14 ppg-against to 24.3 ppg-permitted in 2018. Canes suck on neutral-ground, going 1-3 SU in past four tries...Da' U 14 Varmints 9
ACADEMY SPORTS & OUTDOORS TEXAS BOWL (Houston, TX)
Baylor vs. Vanderbilt (“over 55”): Admirals 34 Bears 31
DEC. 28
FRANKLIN AMERICA MORTGAGE MUSIC CITY BOWL (@ Nashville, TN)
Auburn (-4) over Purdue: Tigers 20 Choo-Choos 13
CAMPING WORLD BOWL (@ Orlando, FL)
#17 Syracuse (-1) over #15 West Virginia: ‘Eers’ QB Will Grier will forgo the game ahead of the 2019 NFL Draft. That leaves the ‘Eers with a reserve QB who’s completed 6 of 10 throws fer 75 yards, one score and one pick. The running game managed a #97-nationally-ranked ground-attack at about 162 ypg (though 21 TDs) facing ‘Cuse rush-D (#62 ypg, 19 scores). Orange won 9 of 12 SU, dropping revenge-contests (both victories last year were 27-24 results) at Clemson (by 4) and at Notre Dame...badly...(plus loss at improving-Pitt)...Syracuse 29 WVU 24
VALERO ALAMO BOWL (@ San Antonio, TX)
Washington State (-3) over Iowa State: Wazzou 41 Dust Devils 34
DEC. 29
CHICK-FIL-A PEACH BOWL (@ Atlanta, GA)
#10 Florida (+6 ½) over #8 Michigan: Warning: we changed our initial choice of Big Blew layin’ da points. With comparable passers under center, UM woulda’ had the edge in the ground game, but leading-rusher Karan Higdon will leave his nearly 1200 rushing yardage on the sideline in lieu of upcoming pro-draft and will be short a couple defensive starters for like-reasons. Gators n the other-hand will have all their folks available here. A Michigan victory would set a record for SU wins in the Harbaugh-era at 11 and would take the sting, temporarily at least, outta’ Wolverines 23-point loss to Ohio State. Totals-wise, UF finished below 51 seven times, while UM averaged mere-13.5 ppg-against until debacle at Columbus. Wouldn’t be shocked by the upset, but...Wolverines 31 Gators 27
NOVA HOME LOANS ARIZONA BOWL (@ Tucson, AZ)
Nevada-Reno (+1 ½) over Arkansas State: Common-opponent comparison shows Red Wolves winning at home over UNLV by 7, while Wolfpack lost in Vegas to the Rebels by 5. Nonetheless, overall strength-of-schedule and opportunity to boast best straight-up win-record since 2010 favors UNR over ASU, whose repeated post-season outings are old-hat...Wolfpack 28 ASU 23
BELK BOWL (@ Charlotte, NC)
South Carolina (-5 ½) over Virginia: Gamecocks 24 Cavs 13
GOODYEAR COTTON BOWL CLASSIC (@ Arlington, TX)
#3 Notre Dame (+13) over #2 Clemson: Both posted a perfect record but had their share of near-misses along the way. Tigers fended-off, among others, rising-Syracuse 27-23 at home in September. Irish smacked the Orange 36-3 in November in South Bend. Irish were 4-0 SUATS against Top 25 teams. Clemson went 2-0 SUATS vs. ranked-opponents. We prefer opening-triumph against now-#8 Michigan over anything Clemson logged. Leprechauns boast returning-starter Junior QB Brandon Wimbush, while Tigers are led by Freshman triggerman Trevor Lawrence. Won’t rule-out the upset and will cheer Catholics outright, if for no other reason than to prevent a fourth-straight edition of Tide-Tigers for the national championship...CU 27 Our Lady 26
CAPITAL ONE ORANGE BOWL (@ Miami Gardens, FL)
#1 Alabama (-14) over #Oklahoma: Style-points for the Pachyderms won’t mean anything, but loss of Heisman to Sooners QB Kyler Murray might. With rushing-yardage offense and rushing-yardage defense both basically washes, Tide has allowed mere 14.8 ppg on da’ scoreboard and Sooners liberally-permitted better-than-twice-that at 32.8 ppg. Turnover-margin also tilts-toward ‘Bama (+8) over Nokie-doke (-.15). Schooners were nearly-defeated by Army...in Norman...Crimson Elephants’ nearest-MOV was 7 on neutral-site vs. fellow-SEC club Joja’. We don’t like it, but gotta’call...Forrest Gump 44 Oklahoma 20
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy has coordinated a meeting between high-ranking pageant-officials and Marvel Comics to possibly bring-about a “Miss Spiderverse” event!
Unknown to us at press-time, the New Mexico Bowl was “Presented by Progressive”. Had it been presented by GEICO, teams coulda’ spent “15 minutes to save 15% on scoring-D!”
If our a defensive-line met Da’ Wizard of Oz, would we hear...”A QB we’d be roughin’ and a run that we’d be stuffin’...if we only had a heart!”!
Aforementioned Trevor Lawrence’ lengthy-mane has its own social media account @TLawHair. TD Jesus has reportedly countered the Samson-like ‘do this week on Twitter with...@NDDelilah!
A Grinch-line revised...”And he said with is Grinch-fingers nervously-strumming...I must find a way to keep da’ playoffs from coming!”
On the big screen this week...Daniel Day-Lewis' performance in a flick about turn-of-the-century California meets a beer-brand...Oh, yes...”There Will Be Bud-Light!”
PSU fans are being invited to come en masse to become the student-section “Legion of Blue” on December 29 when he Alma Mater entertains the University of Milton Bradley College (yes, that UMBC that made history in last season’s NCAA Tourney by taking out overall-#1 Virginia!). Our contacts in Happy Valley indicated there will be a surprise-performance by an Elvis-impersonator, who will the King’s “Blue Christmas” and “Blue Suede Shoes”!
“Wish We Had It Back”: We’d like to hop into the “Back to the Future” DeLorean after calling the “under 49” on BYU’s eventual 49-18 win over Western Michigan!
“Locked in a Box”: Nominal-underdog Weeziana Tech won easily over the Hawai’an Islanders 31-14 with a big 3rd-Quarter to bolster our “lock” tally to 6-8 (.429).
Black Shirt: The Memphis O-line shares the coveted-tee fer a false-start flag, leading to a missed 43-yard FG attempt by Tigers K Riley Patterson following two-successful boots that were negated by Wake Forest time-outs and cashed our “minor upset pick of da’ week” in da’ Birmingham Bowl!
Shoppe Talk: USU Aggies still outside criteria, but we’re still watchin’ at 1-4 (.200). Meanwhile Houston draws our attention at now 0-3 (.000). BTW, they’re “Cougars...and we don’t quit...unless WHAT???!!!...it’s cable!”
Vindy’s Picks Best Bets: Part I: 2-2 Season: 32-31-1 (.508)
Purdue-Auburn “under 55 ½”, West Virginia-Syracuse “under 67”, South Carolina-Virginia “under 53 ½”, Alabama-Oklahoma “under 77 ½”
Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to take a selfie aboard da’ Polaroid Express, but not before offering our traditional holiday-wish...”Pass on Earth, goodwill toward linemen” !
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