CATHOLIC-MECCA INSIDERS LEAK “THE REST OF THE STORY”
VATICAN CITY (TMZ)...Back in May, Pope Francis received a custom Golden Knights jersey from a fan. Unknown until this week, he would ultimately don the uniform and take the ice against a group of worshippers and VGK fans. Early in the 1st-period, the Pontiff would spend two minutes in the Sin-Bin for “*cross*-checking” and again later in the game for “leaving the prayer-bench early.” Had the infractions occurred on the grid-iron, the Pope would have been flagged for un-clergymen-like conduct. The final-score and the Pope’s plus/minus rating was still unrevealed. A 1-0 start (we thank WE ARE fer the 59-zip white-wash of pretentious Terrapins) was not enuff to save us from a 4-13 outing, putting us at a collective 10-25-1 (.285) for Weeks 4 and 5 (38- 52-3, .422) and had us seriously-contemplating, at minimum, taking a bye-week, and considering pullin’-da’-plug altogether on the season. Upon further reflection from our headquarters in New York, we’ve elected to simply offer our preferred-five selections from games involving one or more ranked-teams.
With Vindy standing “as big as a birdhouse in front of his own goal”, we offer...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Sponsored this week by Maxwell House...”Good to ‘da last drop...into coverage!”)
SAT. OCT. 5
#25 (tie) Michigan State (+20) over #4 OHIO STATE: QB Justin Fields’ switch from Joja’ to Columbus seems to be workin’-out a bit-better than former-Tide quarterback Jalen Hurts’ move from ‘Bama to Norman, Oklahoma. Even omitting outlier 71-point victory against Miami-Oh-NO, Buckeyes, perfect SU thru five contests on the board and showing just one loss to the line, still winning by average-margin of 37-ppg. Buckeyes have taken the win SU the last three-years and by 84-9 the past pair. Per Marc Lawrence’s playbook.com, Sparty sucks ATS following tilt facing the Hoosiers, but we figure MSU was in serious peek-ahead mode during unusually high-scoring affair vs. Indy and is 4-points away from a 5-0 outright tally. Given near-miss by Clemson against visting-4TD-’dog Carolina, outright-upset would not phase us...OSU 31 MSU 24
#7 Auburn (-3) over #10 FLORIDA: Tigers covered easily over Mississippi State, while Crocs tossed second-white-wash vs. an FCS team in 38-nada win over Towson. No recent history. Marc Lawrence notes Gators have beaten the number 6 straight opportunities prior to match with da’ Bayou Bengals. We like Aubie’s neutral-site win over then-ranked (and still #13 Oregon) and then ranked (and still 3-2 SU with respectable-defeat at now-#2 Clemson despite mere 4-point triumph over SEC bottom-feeder Arkansas [Shhhh. Let’s keep that one our little-secret.] more than we like Florida’s 24-20 neutral-site victory over-long-since-fading Miami and home-digs win over 2-3 Kentucky). QB Kyle Trask makes his third-consecutive start for UF after lining-up across from 1-3 SU/0-3 ATS Vols (sportin’ a season-starting home-loss to Fun Belt’s Joja’ State and dubya over I-AA UT-Chattanooga Choo-Choo). UA’s 79-point finish vs. Da' Bulldogs chased–us off the “under 48”...Tigers 24 UF 18
California @ #13 OREGON (“under 46 ½”): Mallards’ O has been slowed by the better defensive-teams it’s faced. On the other side of the ball, Ducks have allowed total of 42 points over four games. Cal shows 3-1 “under” with lone “over” a mere-point above this number. Ducks’ officially 2-1 “under” and final score vs. I-AA Montana was also well-below this total. Bears starting-QB was lost to injury last weekend. Replacement Devon Modster was less-than-effective...6 of 15 passing fer 39 yards and 4 totes fer 15 ground-yards. Not expecting an explosion of offense from Berkley...Quack “Attack” 23 Cal 14
#14 Iowa @ #19 MICHIGAN (+3 ½): MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. If nothing else, getting the hook is enticing. Iowa crushed Middle Tennessee State last week while keepin’ the final score “under 53” as predicted (see Black Shirt below). UM beat the Blue Raiders by 19 to open the year. We’re not impressed by Hawkeyes’ victories minus 18-17 triumph at Iowa State. Michigan’s best-win came in 2OT vs. the Long Gray Line at the Big House. Collectively, these two squads are ho-hum 29-25-2 against the number in Big Tenacious play. Homecoming in Ann Arbor, but the Birds are 4-0 for the Picks to-date...Iowa 27 Meeshigan 24
#16 Boise State (-23) over UNLV: In blow-out loss at Wyoming, Rubbles lost/damaged the backfield with starting QB Armani Rogers and stalwart RB Charles Williams going-down to injury. Either or both could suit-up here, but will be hobbled-nonetheless squaring-off against much-more battle-tested D that produced wins over Florida State, Marshall and rising Air Force club, around 45-10 win over FCS Portland State. Only recent-history was 17-point home win by Broncos in 2016 (a season in which State covered just three times in 13 tries). Tough-Rainbow-Warriors up next for the Tater-heads, but UNLV lost in Sin City 43-17 to perennial Fun-belt-contender Arkansas State as 1-point faves. Local-D has been terrible...#107 in points-allowed (149), #109 in yard per game-allowed (445), #120 in rushing ypg-allowed (227.5) and #119 in ppg-allowed (37.3)...Broncos 41 UNLV 10
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
At this point, it doesn’t matter who’s coachin’ from Da’ Sin City sidelines, be it Tony Da’ Tiger, Saturday Night Fever’s Tony Montero, former colts’ HC Tony Dungy, Scarface star Tony Montagna or Tony Stark (AKA Marvel Comics’ Iron Man), Mr. Sanchez should be puttin’-out feelers at former-stompin'-grounds Bishop Gorman High School. Not necessarily after this one, but maybe following defeat/slash-close-win at Colorado State or later Sam Boyd contest vs. San Josie State in a couple weeks!
BTW, the Pontiff would also spend an additional 120-seconds in the penalty-box while saying five Hail-Marys for High-Sparrow sticking (fer da’ Game of Thrones fans out there!).
If NHL penalties and NFL yellow-flags truly collided, would they yield Five Yards Fer Fighting??!!!
Crappy-Game of Da’ Week: Just how bad is Akron this year???!! The Zips entered last week’s game at UMASS showing 0-4 SU/ATS...facing the Minutemen, who took the field at 0-4/0-3 ATS (plus an outright loss vs. FCS Southern Illinois, so effectively 0-4 ATS) and went down 37-29, falling to 0-5SU/ATS!
Also last May, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers made a cameo-appearance during an episode of this year’s final-season of Game of Thrones, in which he was unable to scramble fast-enough to dodge a burst of Dragonfire. Drogon was credited with a sack and the future Hall-of-Famer's QB-rating fell a significant-number of points!
In related news, regarding State Farm’s latest-ad featurin’ Rodgers...and Patrick Mahomes..., neither Vindy nor his agent...”have an app”! Come to think of it, our haggard-host ain’t even got an agent!
Just before 5:00 AM last Saturday, Oklahoma-kicker Calum Sutherland was picked-up on charges of public-intoxication. USWNT player Carla Lloyd filled-in nicely during Sooners-romp over “Guns-Up”!
Also in related-news, the women’s soccer star, while being hosted by the Philly Iggles recently, also delivered a nice service-into-da'-box from the corner of the end zone!
The Oakland A’s made da’ post-season, finishing at 97-65 and 10 games behind the Houston Astros...edging-out LLWS champion River Ridge, Weeziana fer da’ Wild-Card spot vs. Da' Tampa Bay Rays!
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: No inter-division games on-tap this week, but the Pitt Panthers survived a 17-14 bullet vs. da' I-AA Boxin’-Blue-Hens of Delaware over the weekend!
“Wish We Had It Back”: Yeah, we’d like another shot at our Clemson –27 over UNC call, after indicating Carolina had four contests decided by total of 12 points on the year. Hard-luck Heels now at 2-3 SU by cumulative-13 points!
Black Shirt: Da’ terrific-tee goes to Iowa kicker Keith Duncan fer missin’ a 39-yard FG vs. MTSU with :02 left in the 1st-Half, ultimately allowing the game to finish below the total!
“Locked in a Box”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 1-3-1 (.250) as Virginia +12 ½ fell by 15 in South Bend.
Shoppe Talk: Where do we start??!! A quarter of the FBS could be noted here! Wisconsin continues to “lead the way” at 0-5 (.000), with USC and UDUB each coming in at 0-4 (.000). Meanwhile, a cast of thousands at 0-3 (.000) or at least on a three-forecast slide await their turns to be stuffed and mounted at Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe!
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 9-10-1 (.473)
South Florida @ UCONN “under 51”, North Carolina –10 over JOJA’ TECH, Tulsa @ SMU “over 62”, Vandy +7 over OLE MIST
Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to prep for our cameo appearance on Peyton’s Places!
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