Vindy's 2023-24 Bowls Part II "Between Da' Hashmarks"

                                      MIS-DELIVERY RE-OPENS LOCAL INVESTIGATION 

ANN ARBOR, Michigan (UPI)…Jokes and memes continue as Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh has served his suspension after allegations of sign-stealing by former staffer Connor Stalions from Big Blue foes, but it has come to light that “Jimmy H.” had knowledge of yet-another assistant offering video of B1G non-conference teams’ bowl opponents for a nominal fee. The revelation came about as an “unidentified” conference squad blew the whistle after paying for and receiving film of signals used by the Nebraska women’s volleyball team rather than its actual post-season foe. While the “cheated” club acknowledged that the intel acquired about the volleyball team’s strategies was “interesting”, it “was utterly useless” for the upcoming gridiron contest. 

Under da’ tree alongside the broccoli & asparagus infused fruitcake, behind the Game of Thrones “Night King” plush toy, dangling perilously on a thread above Mattel’s boxing tree-decorating game “Flock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots, hiding the Strange Change-of-Possession machine, while among pages of the 1970 Sears Christmas Wish Book catalog, not far from the Andy Reid personally-autographed State Farm insurance bundling contract and tryin’ to “social-distance” from the 16-ounce parfum bottle of White Diamonds Eau D’ Locker Room, you’ll find... 

THE WEBER KID’S 2023-24 BOWLS PART II “BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS” 

(Bein’ protected this week by suspended Iggles’ head-of-security Dom Di Sandro!)  

BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS 

BTW, officials at Michigan are preparing to tender a significant salary contract extension to lure the coach into bypassing NFL interests and staying put. Those numbers would easily pay for the B1G Champions’ satellite intelligence equipment! Jus’ sayin’! 

The Appalachian State Mountaineers eked out a 13-9 victory last week. Apparently, “an ounce of prevent-defense is worth a pound of Cure Bowl”!!!! 

This past Monday, Western Kentucky rallied from a four-touchdown hole to overcome Old Dominion in the Famous Toastery Bowl. We didn’t know WTH was a toastery, so we Googled it. Seems it’s just a made-up term supporting a restaurant brand, but it made us think of Jim Carrey in “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” quipping “I’m all toastery inside and I’m...leaking”. We woulda’ understood a Toaster Bowl, Toast & Jelly Bowl or Toaster-Oven Bowl. More thoughts on this one next week!  

Takin’ a few liberties with lyrics from the aforementioned Christmas special ahead of da’ Holiday Bowl...”And what happened then? Down in Louisville they say...the Cardinals’ small hearts grew three time-outs that day!” 

With an insufficient number of bowl-eligible teams, Minnesota, 5-7 outright, will line-up vs. the Bowling Green Flacons in the Quick Lane Bowl on the basis of academic achievement. Would it be too much to ask to see the Gophers’ ghost paper-writers and test-takers suit-up and play at least one series on the gridiron???!!! 

The local hometown heroes UNLV Rebels will face-off against the Kansas Jayhawks in the Nielsen “Guaranteed TV Ratings” Bowl (sumthin’ like that!), which will broadcast clips from Stephen Kings’ “The Running Man” at halftime! Avians enter back-to-bowls since 2008, despite dropping two of last three tilts SU in 2023. QB Jaydon Daniels prolly won’t play due to injury. OC Andy Kotelnicki has already defected eastward toward Happy Valley. (More on that next week). Rebels won four of last six, getting edged by San Josie and whacked by Boise State in the MWC championship game, grabbing a share of the conference crown and could pull out a cover (+12 ½) here with neither side packing much momentum. 

Just wonderin’...is the sponsorship of the “Quick Lane Bowl” more about kegling or traffic-flow???!!! 

More post-season venues awaiting review and approval of their applications... State Farm “Personal Plan” Bowl, McDonald’s Cardi-B & Offset Meal Bowl, Calgon “Take Me Away” Bowl, Progressive “What Really Happened Replay” Bowl and the Buffalo Wild Wings “Roughing the Passer” Bowl. More on this in Bowls Part III! 

Not sayin’ a certain power-celeb couple is milkin’ it, but Taylor “Schwing”...er...um...oops...Swift...got some more shameless on-screen plugs during the late 4th Quarter of the Chiefs Sunday game at New England on FOX! 

Last Christmas (in the face of all you “Wham”-haters) Eve, Steelers fans celebrated the “Inoculated Perception” by waving their “Terrible Bowels” while facing the Las Vegas Raiders! (OK. Admittedly, this one’s a little bit out there!) 

If a certain green-skinned Dr. Seuss creature lines-up under center and reaches the line-to-make with a little help from his friends, then goes to jail, do we hear “Grinches get inches”???!!! (Somebody stop us!) 

After those two items, we say “And now back to our regularly-scheduled programming...” 

Playing this week on ballet theatre stages everywhere...”The Nutcrack-Back Blocker”! 

If da’ Beach Boys send in plays from the sidelines, do we hear “Run, Run, Rudolph! Run, Run, Reindeer!”??? 

During Sunday’s Ottawa-Vegas Golden Knights match, one of the announcers pointed out the Senators, who lost 6-2 to the Golden Knights, have employed twelve (yes, twelve) net-minders over the past three seasons. Seizing an opportunity, Vindicator is planning to audition fer a spot between da’ pipes fer da’ Sens, armed with a first-baseman's glove, a boat-oar and a Guy Fawkes mask!  

The UConn Huskies, ahead of the ‘23 NCAA Western Regionals, were slotted to stay at the Luxor Hotel & Casino, but facing “accommodations” containing ‘dirt, vomit, and worse’” were quickly accorded a change of venue to Resorts World Las Vegas! “Worse”???!!! Apparently, subsequent scans of Luminol revealed blood-spatters, the presence of other bodily fluids and... mummified-remains! Meanwhile, players entering their initial rooms discovered hotel employees stomping bunches of straw into mud, creating “bricks” to help rejuvenate the pyramid-structure of the Strip-resort-in-question! 

If a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer adventurer character meets the “Cameron Crazies” of college hoops, is he... Dukon Cornelious! 

Until next week, we wish you...Pass on Earth, Goodwill toward linemen. Crimson Tidings of Georgia Southern Comfort and Almond Joy!