‘WITCHCRAFT’ ALLEGATIONS REBUFFED BY TENNIS STAR
QUEENS, New York (MSNBC)...With Halloween 2025 in the record books, Serena Williams revealed she was once accused of utilizing witchcraft and black magic to beat her opponents. The twenty-three-time Grand Slam winner adamantly denied those charges despite the accumulation of evidence to the contrary. Known to draw pentagrams and light candles while pulling balls out of a bubbling cauldron between sets, the champ also got disqualified and fined years ago for violating the Wimbledon dress code by wearing a cape and pointy black hat on the court while using the business end of a broom as a racquet and often deflects questions about her aversion to matches played in Salem, Massachusetts. The local Teamsters Coven refutes any affiliation with Williams, but she continues to be a person-of-interest for law enforcement officials investigating the disappearance of a ballboy and ballgirl, named Hansel and Gretel, who were last seen alive entering the sports celebrity’s gingerbread house “getaway” in the forest.
Fer da’ Charlie Brown fans out there, “we got a rock” fer Halloween. A “fortunate” 1-3-1 (see our “Black Shirt” segment below) sends us to 22-28-1 (.440) and leaves us wallowing amid a 2-12-1 (.142) three-week drag.
Bringin’ in Teddy Bridgewater, professional back-up picker, to make the selections for...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 11 FORECAST
(Waitin’ for da’ safety to come down so we can “just rip da’ seam!”)
FRI. NOV. 7
Tulane (+6 ½) over #22 MEMPHIS: Tigers are the lone American representatives in the rankings again for the second straight week after edging South Florida and pounding Rice to remain one game back of the Midshipmen, whom they face in the regular season finale. MU is 3rd in conference scoring (39 ppg) and likewise in AAC scoring D (22 ppg). Green Wave plays it a little closer to the vest at 27 and 24ish respectively following a beatdown by the Roadrunners at Texas-San Alamo, but we contemplated the “over 55 ½” anyway. Tulane has failed to end up on the right side of the spread in most recent four opportunities as a road dog but has Power Four victories over Northwestern and ACC contender Duke. Wave is very young in the back seven but got an extra day to prep having played on All Hallows Eve Eve (that’s last Thursday for those of you wondering at home). Goin’ against the Tigers cost us a “lock” pick two weeks ago, but they were getting points at the time. No real studs for either side, just good complimentary football for both clubs. Bridgewater prefers takin’ da’ buffer...Memphis 31 Tulane 27
SAT. NOV. 8
#3 Texas A&M @ #19 MISSOURI (“under 48 ½”): Week 3 saw the conference co-leading Aggies validate our “lock” choice of “over 49 ½” by assisting Notre Dame post a combined 81 points and is gradually raising their production every week to the tune of 35 ppg against SEC teams that ain’t that bad defensively (except Arkansas, who got A&M’s pocketbook lightened by league officials for a player faking injury in a near-loss shootout). Conversely, Tigers are all about keeping the game slogging along at a battle-of-ballistae pace, and QB Beau Pribula, who jacked up his ankle at Vandy, is gone for the year, which should lower production even more. Not much drop-off in the passing game with back-up Matt Zollers, but he’s not a threat to extend drives by running. TAMU is a putrid 3-10 away fave back to 2021 (line is –7 as we go to press), but with both teams resting last weekend, Teddy says...A&M 27 Mizzou 17
#4 ALABAMA (-10) over Louisiana State: Bayou Bengals, who went down by 5 at Ole Miss and 7 at Vandy, would reach .500 in conference play and become post-season eligible with the upset. State, who per Marc Lawrence, has covered last half-dozen on the tarmac following a bye and had been yielding south of 12 ppg until suffering 80 across the past two and have lost 3 of 4 overall, including fugly 24-point setback vs. A&M. Tide has discarded opening shocker in Tallahassee to pocket 7 consecutive melees and has lifted its record to 15-5-1 laying points at Bryant-Denny. QB Ty Simpson is only 20th in total passing yards and has absorbed 14 sacks, but his almost perfect 20-1 TD-to-INT ratio has him currently third in odds to garner the Heisman. The campaign improves this week as Julian Sayin faces 2-7 Purdue and Fernando Mendoza gets the 3-5 Hapless Valley Lions...Alabama 34 LSU 20
#6 Oregon @ IOWA (“over 41 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Oh, please. Even the Blackbirds’ triumph against the Nitwit Lions surpassed this total and Iowa has scored just 1 ppg fewer (31) than the Mallards (32) in Big Tambourine encounters. That said, our lone caveat is that the host fell just 20-15 vs. high-powered Indiana, one of only two defeats on the campaign, and the Hawkeyes just missed the Top 25 by 6 votes. Both squads are one game in the loss column behind the Buckeyes and aforementioned Hoosiers for the conference lead. Not foreseeing a wild skirmish here, but more than enough tallies to go well beyond the number. Nobody outside of Columbus and Bloomington appears safe from havin’ an unusually bad (and costly) day (it is November after all), however let’s look for...Drakes 28 Hawkeyes 24
Navy (+26) over #10 NOTRE DAME: This got our early notice for “lock” when the line was 24 ½. Hard to believe ND looked past one-win Boston College, but 15-point victory does not reflect how close the game truly was. The Middies’ only spread win up to now came in mid-September at Tulsa. The SS Minnow has five sophomores starting on D and it shows as only FCS VMI and Rice has scored fewer than 23. On offense, the Sailors posted a minimum of 32 in 6 of 8 contests on the year and are 5-2 “over” (In addition, Phil Steele notes the final score has gone “over” in 9 of the last dozen in this series). Navy went 10-3 outright last year and were destined to make this week’s Top 25 until a two-touchdown loss at fellow AAC title-contender North Texas. USN has lost its prior four versus Our Lady, covering just one and getting outpointed 93-17 in the past two. Navy hasn’t beaten the line in its last quad facing ranked clubs. Gain a little extra CFP cred by bashing a one-loss Swabbies team certainly wouldn’t hurt the Irish, but we suspect a three-score margin will suffice...Banshees 37 Top Gun 19
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, for da’ Monty Python & the Holy Grail fans among the readership, Serena had previously turned an umpire into a newt! He got better.
Revisiting our Week 10 “lead story”, we add BYU, which will go with the corporate insignia for Maxwell House...”Good to the Last Dropped Pass!”. A few more ideas next week.
Jon Gruden is in the running to be the head man for the Alma Mater. Former New England Pats coach Bill O’Brien went a disappointing 7-5 in 2012-2013 (and FWIW, is 1-8 in his second year at Boston College). Do we really want another ex-NFL guy at the helm in Happy Valley?! Two words...Bill Belichick.
In related news, Urban Meyer declared, he doesn’t “give a sh*t what it costs” to make a ‘splash hire’ at Penn State and Florida. Not sure “Chucky” Gruden is what the Fox Sports analyst had in mind.
In July, then-Colorado RB Charlie Offerdahl threw in da’ towel on football to pursue a career in dentistry. Will he face man-to-mandible coverage? Will any penalty result in “floss-of-down"?! (Okay...feel free to boo that one!)
Crappy Game of Da’ Week: Sam Houston (0-8) @ OREGON STATE (2-7 with a victory against FCS Lafayette). BTW, the Beavers do not deserve to be 18 ½-point favorites over anybody!
After a 1-5 start, Lamar Jackson saw to it that video games, ping-pong tables, cornhole boards and a basketball hoop were removed from the Ravens’ locker room. The ploy worked. Following dubyas over the Bears and Dolphins, those items will remain gone, but a Super Jock hockey player, Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, Tinker Toys and a Ouija board will take their place!
At halftime of da’ recent Packers-Steelers tilt, Poison frontman Bret Michaels sang “Every Rose Bowl Has Its Thorn”, “Nothin’ But a Good Time-Out", “Talk Dirty Hit to Me” and a cover of Loggins & Messina’s “Your Mama Don’t End Zone Dance”!
One more choice of proceedings at the A’s ballpark chapel...the “Foul Pole”, in which foul lines are painted on either edge of the aisle and the ring bearer intentionally drops the bling. As it rolls away, if it stays “fair”, the wedding continues. If it crosses either line into the seats, the ceremony starts all over again. And finally, the “Broken Bat” (Oh wait! That’s the wedding night option!)
As early as 2026, Major League Baseball could employ a system that permits pitchers, catchers and hitters to dispute a pitch call by tapping their heads. This would, however, potentially confuse the umpire into wondering if the call was being challenged, or the player was simply indicating “ineligible lineman downfield”!
Moldovan D-man Alexander Karmanov was 6’11”, 250 lbs. when he committed to the Penn State hockey team last year. Since then, he’s grown 2” and packed on 30 more pounds! He’s not putting “da’ biscuit in da’ basket”; he’s simply eating them!
The first head of a male athlete to be attached to a Ken doll belonged to LeBron James. No truth to the rumor that the “King” joined Barbie star Ryan Gosling in crooning “What position was I made for”!
The college hoops regular season has tipped off, causing us to ask...if the song traditionally played at the culmination of the NCAA Tournament meets a yeast extract spread popular in Britain, is it “One Shining Marmite”??!! (Somebody stop us!)
Black Shirt: This week’s twilight tank top comes outta’ da’ temporary mothballs for Buckeyes safety Caleb Downs after snagging an end zone INT, killing Penn State’s final drive and preserving the cover (-21 ½) with 4:36 to play for Ohio State. Honorable mention to the replay officials who deemed a failed two-point conversion by Vandy to be good, rescuing a push from the jaws of what woulda’ been our 4th “L” in Week 11.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 4-6 (.400) Rocky Top went down outright to the Steers, slapping us with a “lock” loss in back-to-back weeks.
Shoppe Talk: We’re “puttin’ some guns to ground” this week with the Red Raiders now 1-3 (.750).
Vindy’s Week 11 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 (.500) Season: 19-21 (.479)
BOSTON COLLEGE +11 over Sudden Methadone, Florida @ KENTUCKY “under 44”, Kennesaw State –9 over NEW MEXICO STATE, Air Force @ SAN JOSIE STATE “over 66 ½”
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