NCAA REVERSAL MAINTAINS LOCAL TRADITION...SORT OF
LUBBOCK, Texas (Reuters)...Red Raiders fans won’t go away easy. A regulation change last season by college football’s governing authority says they won’t have to. Once taboo, the new ruling permits colleges and universities to feature corporate logos on their football fields. Texas Tech, which got flagged twice for the traditional throwing of tortillas during kickoffs versus Kansas, has agreed to spray paint images of Old El Paso, seriously annoying officials at UTEP, and its tortillas at the 50-yard line of Jones AT&T Stadium, allowing fans, coaches and players to keep the tradition intact...at least in spirit. Fans instead will be encouraged to launch paper doilies of similar shape and color as their beloved burrito-wrappers. Other schools have hopped onboard, such as Rutgers, whose home venue will feature Jersey Mike’s with an image of Danny DeVito and the motto, “An (illegal) sub(stitution) above!” and Utah, going throwback-mode at Rice-Eccles Stadium with Schaefer beer...”the one beer to have when you’re having 4th-and-one.”
Medic! Medic! Forecaster down! The Picks got caught in some sorta’ residual Rapture-like phenomenon, and cratered to our first 0-5 (21-25, .456) since the week of October 21, 2023, lowering the overall tally into the red for the first time this season. One correct “best bet” prevented an historic 0-9.
A suspect arrested in Paris recently said the jewels swiped from da’ Louvre Museum were actually “just targets-of-opportunity" for thieves who were really looking for a French edition of...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 10 FORECAST
(Failing the eye test on the regular)
SAT. NOV. 1
Penn State @ #1 OHIO STATE (-21 ½): Las Vegas Review-Journal sportswriter Ed Graney postulated the Raiders “would struggle to beat Ohio State”. Buckeyes continue their trek toward a very possible return to the natty championship game while the Alma Mater, who booted three long FGs in a 9-0 win against Bye Week U., simply solidifies its spot in nothin’ better than the Pinstripe Bowl against the likes of Duke or Cal. Happy Valley OC Andy Kotelnicki raised the Jayhawks’ output by two touchdowns per game in his three years at Kansas. State’s scoring fell by 3 ppg last year and is currently producing 34 ppg in his second season, but that number decreases to 26.5 ppg in Big Tailfin play (propped up by 37 at UCLA and the 24 that required 2OT vs. the Ducks). Da’ Nuts have beaten the Lions eight years running. Opponents are averaging less than 5 ppg in Columbus, and only Illinois has reached double-digits at all. An interim head coach and a new quarterback (BTW, Ethan Grunkemeyer is 3” and 40lbs. smaller than Drew Allar...jus’ sayin’) making his first start at Da’ Shoe getting little assistance from the talent around him spells...OSU 31 Lions 7
#9 Vanderbilt (+3) over #20 TEXAS: Second choice for “lock” pick. Okay, we yield and cop to the Boat People being the real deal despite some very untimely flags (on both sides) in win over Mizzou (though we wonder if that would’ve been the same outcome had Tigers QB Beau Pribula not left the game in the second half). How da’ hell did the Steers come back to get by feisty Mississippi State? Why did they not lose?! Why are they still ranked??!! Who used Amazon Prime at the intermission to get them a paperclip and a stick of Beechnut so they could pull off a MacGyver??!!! Assuming Arch can’t go, in steps much-traveled-yet-little-utilized Matt Caldwell, who’s now tossed 11 passes on the year. Ut finally gets to enjoy Austin for the first time in about six weeks, won 27-24 in Nashville in 2024 and, mid-2024 defeat by Joja’ aside, one has to retreat back to late ‘22 to find ‘Horns’ most-recent loss on the home farm. Updating a Marc Lawrence note, Texas is now 2-12-1 as chalk of less than 17 against the SEC... Commodores 24 Heifers 19
#13 Texas Tech @ KANSAS STATE (“under 52”): Historically a sore spot, Tech’s scoring defense is a fabulous #4 in the nation at 12.4 ppg. TTU has ended below the total in 6 of its 7 FBS contests and held currently #22 and #24 Houston and Utah, respectively, to 10 and 11 points each. Additionally, QB Will Hammond, himself a back-up, is gone for the duration, leaving 3rd-stringer Mitch Griffis behind center. This could result in more carries for the running backs, the top four of whom are logging over 6 yards per touch. The Purple Persians, who’ve taken 8 straight in this series, are recording a bit short of 38 ppg over their most recent 4 matches (though 3 of those 4 opponents are in the bottom tier of the Big 12) but come off big victory at rival Kansas. Wildcats are 14-3 SU thru past 17 in Manhattan...Guns Up 29 K-State 21
#14 TENNESSEE (-3) over #18 Oklahoma: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. The fact that the Vols haven’t defeated a ranked foe in their last four tries back to last season and a sieve-like defense (despite a plethora of seasoned folks on that side of the ball) tolerating 33 ppg are prolly the reasons this spread is this short (Rocky Top coughed up five TD passes by Kentucky and still took the game by 22 points). Third straight contest “under the lights” for UT, who will sport black “Dark Mode” unis for this one. Tennessee’s only two stains were against Joja’ and the Tide. Second match in a five-game Murderer’s Row for Oklahoma, whose sideline is a hospital ward this week. The O-line in particular is suckin’ dirty pond water. The axles on Boomer Schooner are broken following two losses in last three tilts and the power outage goes on. Nonetheless, the “over 55” warrants a peek anyway...Coonskin Caps 44 Spooners 24
#15 Virginia @ CAL (“over 54”): Cavaliers go to the Golden State while the Bears were in Blacksburg a week ago, so we’ll consider the time-zone crossing a wash in the Across the Country Conference. Both teams also went into extra innings last weekend. BTW, credit to Bill Belichick for going for two in the first OT. Unfortunately, the conversion failed and gave UVA the 17-16 victory. That win and the game before it were anomalies total-wise for the Wahoos, who average 57 points and change in conference play. So do the Bears. Glancing at the spread, Berkeley +4, we note the Ursines have covered 3 of last 9 vs. ranked opponents, while Virginia is on 14-7 run in the ACC, Cavs won their most recent pair of matches by 1 and 2 points, but average 437 yards on offense and are a bit pass-focused. Bears defend the air pretty well, conceding just 7 TDs against 6 picks. Cavs only defeat to-date came 35-31 at NC State in early September. Bears coughed up more than 40 in 2 of their last 3...Virginia 35 Yogis 24
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, Michie Stadium at West Point will soon see the corporate logo for Ozempic in conjunction with Army’s White House-mandated plan to reduce the number of “fat generals”! More next week!
We’re no expert on Weeziana politics, but the Governor’s Office has announced that LSU’s next head coach will be hired by Commissioner Boss Hogg and Sheriff Buford T. Justice! (Come to think of it, so will the new Athletic Director!)
NASA says Earth’s new tagalong “quasi-moon” (wasn’t that a main character in the “Hunchback of Notre Dame”??) will loiter about until 2083. Coincidentally, that’s also the first season James Franklin will lead his team to a win in a “big game”!!!
Crappy Game of Da’ Week: Louisiana (2-6, including a loss to I-AA McNeese) @ SOUTH ALABAMA (-4, 2-6 and whose only wins came vs. FCS Morgan State and 1-7 Joja’ State)
In our humble opinion, the Steelers’ yellow throwback unis are hideous and belong more on a rollerball/roller derby track than a gridiron. Aaron Rodgers, wearing his signature #8, reminds us of a 1960s cartoon about a robot named “Tobor the Eighth Man” (who was also one of Rodgers’ childhood heroes).
Back in February, video of a woman stabbing a voodoo doll likeness of KC QB Patrick Mahomes during Big Game Fitty-Nine made widespread Internet news. The Chefs would go on to get blown out by the Iggles. Vindicator opened this season in a bidding war with Vegas bookies to gain use of said-female's black-magic skills!
Two of the three remaining options for marriage ceremonies at the soon-to-be A’s ballpark...the “7th-Inning Stretch”: the presiding official intentionally drags out the proceedings, necessitating attendees to leave the chapel long enough to traverse the nearby concourse to the restrooms and concession stands before ultimately settling back into their seats for the duration of the event and the “Rain Delay”: a grounds crew rolls out a tarp over all the pews and altar followed by water falling from the ceiling but the “rain” does not actually put the nuptials on hold. One more choice next week!
Seated courtside at a New York-Miami NBA tilt in March, comedian Tracy Morgan hurled on the hardwood at MSG due to a case of food poisoning. The host team ended up triumphant, leading the celebrity fan to quip “...the Knicks are now 1-0 when I throw up on the court...”. Tearing a page from Morgan’s playbook, Vindy plans to lose his lunch on the sportsbook counter after placing his wagers to hopefully give his bets some extra mojo!
As college hoops jumps-up, we note February commemorated the 40th anniversary of Indiana’s unexpected toppling of Purdue and Bobby Knight’s memorable throwing of a chair onto the court in anger at the officials. Likewise, upset with his 0-5 outing and acknowledging the historic occasion, Vindicator went all “Lou Ferrigno” and finding “the strength of ten Grinches plus two”, launched a La-Z-Boy recliner into the sportsbook this week!
Black Shirt: With no worthy awardees this week, the coveted cloth remains pristinely suspended in our closet on a wire hanger (much to the chagrin of Joan Crawford [“Mommie Dearest”, anyone?! Anyone??!!])
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 4-5 (.444)
Shoppe Talk: Spoiler alert. Iowa State yanked our chain again, falling to 1-7 (.125).
Vindy’s Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 (.250) Season: 17-19 (.472)
Mississippi State @ ARKANSAS “over 66 ½”, TROY –7 over Arkansas State, Kentucky +11 over AUBURN, Hawai’i +2 over SAN JOSIE STATE
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