TEAM TO TAKE THE ICE IN EARNEST WITH NEW MONIKER
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (KCNA)...Just after the New Year, the Utah Hockey Club whittled down its official permanent nickname selections to Utah Mammoth and Utah Wasatch, passing up other suggestions like Utah Salt Lakes or Utah Polygamists. A few months later, team officials settled upon “Utah Mammoth” with a rally-cry of “Tusks Up!”. In just a couple of days, the club will lace up the skates for a game that counts at Colorado. Rumor has it the team is in negotiations with scientists to clone a live woolly pachyderm, which will eventually roam the row of rink-side seats during home games. In the meantime, they’ll just have two club employees sporting a hairy elephant costume or that disheveled neanderthal character from the GEICO campaign...”Scoring on opponents...so easy, even a caveman could do it!” will fill that requirement. The local home digs will be affectionately known as “The Cave” or “The Boneyard” while the Jumbotron shows clips from “Ice Age” between puck drops.
Only a 3 ½-point cover by Ole Miss prevented us from layin’ a complete goose egg, instead going 1-4 (15-10, .600). Snarled in a 3-7 two-outing funk, we’re seeking assistance from a local exorcist, voodoo priestess and a shaman (if they’ll take our insurance)!!
In June, Colts QB Anthony Richardson was put to sleep to get an extensive tattoo on his back. Took seven hours and four separate artists to make it happen. The artwork includes his surname and an NFL emblem. Not to be outdone, your not-so-humble host also went “Night, night” and required five artists over a day-and-a-half to creatively ink his anterior torso with...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 6 FORECAST
(“It just hits differently”)
SAT. OCT. 4
#3 Miami (-4 ½) over #18 FLORIDA STATE: “Under 54 ½” is our next best guess. Due to a somewhat limited Top 25 slate, the Seminoles find themselves with a third at-bat in the forecast in the first six weeks. Just when ya thought it was safe to get excited about Florida State again, along comes an upset loss to an unranked Virginia team. Same ol’ ‘Noles? That defeat doesn’t quite prevent it from a CFP berth, but ’Noles will need to at least make the ACC title game (and possible rematch of this one) and have ‘Bama also play for a conference crown. Kirk Herbstreit considers FSU to be the top team with a lone stain on its record. ‘Noles are #2 in rushing offense. Pelicans are tied for #8 in rush D at 76.3 ypg (skewed slightly by the FCS Bethune-Cookman contest). State had knocked off Miami three straight years until Da’ U took the ‘24 edition by 22 points...Tropical Depressions 27 FSU 20
Mississippi State (+16) over #6 TEXAS A&M: UPSET ALERT. Almost made this our “lock”. Bulldogs had already doubled last season’s win tally before dropping drag race in OT versus Rocky Top. Aggies have pulled out most recent pair of victories by a combined 7 points and we don’t think that warrants spotting State and extra TD. A&M is off unusual low-scoring 16-10 win over Auburn in a flag fest. Speaking of which, only Texas Tech and Joja’ State get penalized more per game than TAMU (9.5 flags per contest). MSU ain’t much better in that area (9.3 no-nos per game). If the hanky hoedown persists, expect a return to form scoring-wise. Watch for the Cowbells to maybe take it outright...Gig ‘Em 34 Mississippi State 31
#11 Texas Tech (-12) over HOUSTON: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. The final 27-24 score of Houston’s win versus the Beavers doesn’t reflect it, but Oregon State (now 0-5) dominated the Coogs basically all game until UH pulled some Houdini crap late. At 4-0, Houston has already equaled its SU win totals from each of the last years and after caressing the scoreboard for a league-low of 14 ppg last season, is posting more than 31 ppg so far. “Guns Up” gashed Oregon State 45-14 and had a bye before this one. Per Marc Lawrence, Red Raiders have covered 14 of last 16 after getting some time off...Tech 37 Cougars 17
Wisconsin @ #20 MICHIGAN (“over 43”): Strength versus strength in this one. Wolverines run for 8th-best 253.5 yards per game, while the Cheeseheads top the country in rush yards defense at 50 per game (including just 72 given up to the Crimson Tide). Michigan is uninspiring as home chalk at current 8-12-1 pace. Wisky is just 2-6 getting points away from Camp Randall and 2-7 ATS overall in past 9 since opening 5-2 straight up to start 2024. Other than 42 vs. Middle Tennessee, UW has scored no more than 17 in any of its other three tilts. Only Big Blue’s match against Oklahoma finished beneath this total. It’s Homecoming in Ann Arbor and the Badgers prolly won’t even need to hit double-digits here to send this “over”...UM 35 Wisconsin 17
Boise State @ #21 NOTRE DAME (“over 63 ½”): National chatter about Boise making a second straight CFP appearance as the designated Group of Five rep went from buzz to crickets (at least outside of Idaho) in the wake of brutal defeat in South Florida. A major upset here might change that, but there’s hardly any shot. Irish are 4-0 “over”, with three exceeding this number. Likewise, Broncos have a pair beyond this total plus a tilt against Apparition State coming in at 61. Since scraping together a lone touchdown in its opener, State is averaging 49 ppg. Our Lady, to-date, is registering 44 ppg (and against way-higher competition (including Miami and TAMU) and is still two weeks out from rivalry match vs. the Trojans. Somebody once called former Broncos-now-Raiders RB Ashton Jeanty “a rolling ball of knives”. In related news, an anonymous bookie compared Vindicator’s rushing style to “a rambling ball of yarn”. Multiple trends back taking BSU with 19 ½, but we feel safer foreseeing...Leprechauns 45 Fried Taters 27
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, Detroit Red Wings fans toss octopi, Florida Panthers supporters throw rubber rats, etc. Just wonderin’ what the Utah faithful might launch onto the ice. Prehistoric fish?! Sister wives?!!
Yes, the Nitwit Lions did not play well enough on offense to deserve a win. Yes, the officials missed a targeting call against the D. Still, we have one comment then we’ll make like “Frozen” and “let it go”...Oregon coaches, following the 2OT victory, awarded the game ball to the blade of grass that barely touched a Ducks’ ball-carrier's knee, but was deemed sufficient to have the referee call the runner down and overturn a fumble that likely would’ve been a turning point for the Alma Mater. That is all.
Ahead of the Notre Dame-Texas A&M clash in mid-September, ESPN analyst Pat McAfee bet Nick Saban that the Shamrocks would be left out of the playoffs, saying “I’ll need one of your Ferraris”. McAfee made a similar wager with your haggard host, noting he’ll “need one of your Big Wheels”.
On the front of Oregon State’s jerseys while facing Houston read the word “Beavs”. Given its late collapse, Vindicator grabbed a Sharpie and helped the equipment manager draw-in well-placed “I”s between the “v” and the “s” and “Butthead” on the back!!!!!! Altogether now...“Yeah, yeah! Huh-huh-huh. Yeah! Huh-huh-huh.”
We scanned a “QR” code today and were disappointed it had nuthin’ to do with “quarterback rating”!!!!
Bad Bunny was announced this week as the halftime performer for Super Bowl 60. Uhhh...who??!
Anybody else there think Dr. Phil talks an awful lot like Peyton Manning? "I'm not just Peyton Manning, I'm also psychiatric evaluatin' Manning!" Would it be too much to ask the renowned psychologist to line-up behind one of his guests and yell “Omahaaaaaa!”????!!! Or maybe sing a jingle for Nationwide???!!!
Jerry Jones asserted Dallas would only consider hostin’ an international game in one place...Mexico City. Guess that would make the Cowboys “Latin America’s Team”???!!!
A's rookie sensation Nick Kurtz has garnered the moniker “Big Amish” because he hails from Lancaster, PA, which is heavily-occupied by the population-in-question. We thought maybe it was due to the horse-and-buggy he drives to the stadium for home games! No truth to the rumors he spends his off days raising barns, plowing opponents’ outfields and tying off his equine to the dugout railing during batting practice!
Black Shirt: Getting to don the magnificent midriff this week is...LSU quarterback Garrett Nussmeier for tossing a pick at the Ole Miss 12-yardline, killing a 2nd Quarter scoring drive, propping up our pick of Rebels –1 ½.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 3-2 (.600) Joja’ and the Tide combined for 31 points by halftime but collectively mustered only 14 more the rest of the way, falling short of our predicted “over 52 ½”.
Shoppe Talk: We misspoke last week, noting Iowa State was 0-6, when in fact, the Cyclowns were 1-5. They now drop to 1-6 (.142) after failing to stay below 49 with Arizona, taking less than three full quarters to smoke our “lock” pick.
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-1 Season: 9-11 (.450)
Oregon State –2 ½ over APPALACHIAN STATE, BUFFALO –9 ½ over Eastern Michigan, Central Michigan @ AKRON “under 46”, MARYLAND +6 ½ over Washington
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