FORMER REPLACEMENT REF IMPACTS MLB GAME
ST. LOUIS, Missouri (UPI)…The good news? They got it right upon review. The bad news? The delay involved with making the correct call official was intolerable. During the first-inning of the Sept 30th game between the Cardinals and Washington, Nats’ hitter Michael Morse was asked to mime his grand-slam after replay of his deep fly-ball was eventually (and correctly) ruled a dinger with the bases juiced. Players on both sides initially cooperated and at the direction of the ex-NFL-scab-official-turned-umpire, who was ready to declare a Nationals’ walk-off touchdown, donned face-paint, striped shirts and berets, while positioning themselves to re-enact the at-bat. The stadium PA-system operator even added a little sarcastic drama by playin’ the “Six-Million Dollar Man” sound-effects. But upon getting a second-chance, pitcher Kyle Lohse elected instead to pretend-pitch a bean-ball at Morse’s head, causing both benches to empty.
Dogs carried on with their torrid pace, takin’ the pesos in 12 of the 14 matches (12 of 15 if ya had South Carolina at -20 ½ after we published last week’s forecast) and we finally returned to some sense of accuracy with a 9-5 (41-45, .482) outing in Week Five. If Marcel Marceau was alive today, he’d bust out the fake rope-pull, only to end up with a handful of…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Sporting a pink blog-background all month in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness)
THURS. OCT. 4
#13 Southern Cal (-14) over UTAH: We’re not impressed with either side and this is more of a vote against Utah’s lack of production (win over rival BYU notwithstanding) than for the Trojans. Both teams got a bye last week, but Utah went into the off-week following a 30-point loss at Arizona State (cashing us a ticket! Thank you very much!). USC won but didn’t cover vs. Cal. We’re calling on a trend showing Troy as a very good bet laying double-digits following an idle week, Utes QB Jordan Wynn has called it a career and SoCal won a 9-point decision last year in wake of tougher-than-expected 19-17 victory over Minnesota to open the 2011 campaign (but just as a caveat… underdogs have taken all three Thursday-nighters ATS on the season)…USC 31 Utah 13
SAT. OCT. 6
#1 Alabama: IDLE (next @ Missouri)
#23 Washington (+24) over #2 OREGON: We looked at this for “lock”. Line suggests the bookies are starting to catch up (a little) to Mallards’ defensive issues. Huskies, who lost 34-17 in 2011, aren’t good in revenge-mode, but ‘Dogs did validate last week’s “dangerous” label, upsetting Stanford and are doing it on defense. Drakes haven’t scored less than 42 and RB Kenyon Barner is a monster on the ground for UO, but three of five opponents scored 25 or more…Quack Attack 48 UDUB 27
#3 Florida State (-14) over NC STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Chief Wahoo and the boys were plus-three turnovers and plus-8 minutes in time-of-possession, yet failed to score in the fourth quarter at South Florida???!!! Anybody else smell fix???!! NC State has no Russell Wilson. No Danny O’Brien (who ain’t workin’ out quite as well at Wisconsin). Wolfpack 0-4 ATS, 3-2 SU…with triumphs over…UConn (by 3), FBS-newbie South ‘Bama and FCS Citadel. History favors NCSU on a couple fronts, but having gotten the hangover from comeback win against Clemson outta’ da’ way, we expect FSU to cover this one easily…Seminoles 45 Wolf Package 17
#10 FLORIDA (+2 ½) over #4 Louisiana State: Have to wonder if Bengals played the defensive scrubs early and often in less-than-stellar win over AA Towson that got ‘em dropped in the rankings, knowing this one and visit by the Poultry were upcoming. Our best guess here is an “under” with neither side yielding many scoring opportunities. Gators, though not pretty, posting 3-0 SU/ATS tally in conference play. Tigers won 41-11 last year. Bengals last trip to the Swamp resulted in 4-point win in 2010…LSU 21 Florida 20
#6 SOUTH CAROLINA (-2 ½) over #5 Georgia: Gamecocks 24 ‘Dawgs 17
Kansas (+24) over #7 KANSAS STATE: Jayhawks in inaugural campaign under Charlie Weis, who made the Irish more lichen-like than fightin’ in his last three seasons at Notre Dame, but did wake up the echoes in his first two years in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus. Following 20-6 loss to conference-newcomer TCU, Birds are now 6-9 getting points away and dismal 2-24 outright in Big 12 play. Purple Persians have won and covered last three years in this series, hangin’ 59 on their rivals in each of the past two. Still, ‘Cats made our upset pick over Oklahoma a reality and little voice in Vindy’s head is persistent in advice to take da’ points with away games at Iowa State and West Virginia closin’ quickly…KSU 31 Jayhawks 13
#11 TEXAS (-7) over #8 West Virginia: No faith in this choice. Both teams survived crazy shootouts last week. Geno Smith hasn’t thrown a pick to-date. Steers would fare well to change that! We don’t think Cattle could swap sixes with the ‘Eers, so we’re bankin’ on a Texas defense to make a few plays and Longhorns’ ground game, averaging 228 ypg, to grind one out. ‘Horns faced a similar prolific offense at Oklahoma State and emerged okay. Maybe the Austin Angus can borrow some defensive starters from their brethren in Lubbock (see Oklahoma-Texas Tech below)!...’Horns 34 ‘Eers 24
#9 NOTRE DAME (-13) over Miami: Irish 27 Miami 12
#12 OHIO STATE (-3) over #21 Nebraska: Buckeyes overcame a minus-three turnover margin and eventually dispatched Sparty with sure-tackling, characteristic of the State defense we’ve anticipated all season. We had a small money-line wager on Wisky over Big Dread and Badgers fell just shy of fruition. FYI, the whole “eye-gouging” incident between Michigan State guard Jack Allen and OSU DT Jonathan Hankins’ was a misunderstanding. Allen was simply demonstrating the mutual- appreciation for the Three Stooges (or was re-creatin’ the famous Robert DeNiro “I’m…watchin’… you!” segment from Meet the Parents!)…Buckeyes 24 Huskers 20
Washington State (+15) over #14 OREGON STATE: Much like K-State, we’re hesitant to lay double-digits with the Beavers, despite multiple upset victories in dog role…OSU 34 Wazzou 23
Georgia Tech (+10) over #15 tie CLEMSON: Bees gave the Stun Belt yet-another victory this season vs. the BCS conference, losing 49-28 to Middle Tennessee State. Tigers covering the spreads, but makin’ it interesting doing so…Clemson 31 Joja’ Tech 24
Iowa State (+11) over #15 tie TCU: Best guess for “wish I had it back”, but…Toads 20 Dust Devils 12
#17 Oklahoma (-5) over TEXAS TECH: Red Raiders lead the nation in total defense and holds the five-spot in scoring D???!!! WTH???!!!...OK 27 Texas Tech 17
Arizona (+10) over #18 STANFORD: Stanford 19 AZ 16
#19 Louisville: IDLE (next @ Pitt)
#20 Mississippi State (-9 ½) over KENTUCKY: MSU 34 Mildcats 17
#22 RUTGERS (-9 ½) over Connecticut: Scarlet Kaaaaaaahhhhnigggetts 4-0 SU/2-1 ATS including a pair of road-dog upsets far away from the Jersey Turnpike. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com has the chalk in this series losing ATS the past four meetings. Huskies, currently under the guidance of former Syracuse head man Paul Pasqualoni, are 3-2 SU/2-1 against the line. The rush defense made progress for Pasqualoni in 2011. Knights run and stop the run well. Success up-top might well be the difference here or RB Jamison (123 rush ypg) might tilt the field in favor of the…Piscataway Paladins 23 UConn 10
PENN STATE (-3) over #24 Northwestern: Since a pair of defeats that could have just as easily gone into the win-column, the alma mater has weathered the scandal and the defections to reel-off three consecutive SU victories and four straight wins vs. the number. Wildcats haven’t been tested since opening 42-41 victory over Syracuse and are 10-3 in last 13 as road dogs, but we’ll take Lions’ overall level of opposition over N-Dub’s wins against Vandy, BC, South Dakota and Indiana. BTW, the replacement NFL referees were acquired from the same temp agency that pimped-out kicker Sam Ficken to the Nittany Lions! Homecoming in Happy Valley...PSU 21 NW 13
#25 Ucla (-2 ½) over CAL: UCLA 29 Bears 22
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, upon even further review…Cardinals manager, Mike Matheny, noted the pretend-pine tar was too high up on the imaginary bat-handle and claimed Morse shoulda’ been called out and four runs taken off the scoreboard!
Opposing fans are expected to mock Morse for the duration of the Nationals’ season by doing the old “trapped in a batter’s box” thing!
Sing it with Vindy…“Make-up… me out to the ballllllllll game…”
S.F. Niners’ Brandon Jacobs got caught racing among an army of vehicles driving over the century-mark in New Jersey in what a motorist reportedly suggested was “Death Race 2012”. We’re just wondering if said-running back will run over his own coaches and teammates to score additional points toward getting released from his current contract, and be armed with oil slicks on defense and machine-guns on offense if he carries the ball across designated spots on the grid-iron! There’s always a cameo on the Wacky Races cartoon series remake!
Tim Tebow noted his only “vice” is vanilla ice cream. Timmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…live a little. Two words… ”Heavenly Hash”! BTW, the newest flavor from Ben & Jerry’s is…”Timocha Tebow”
Tebow has also reportedly taken up mixed martial training…because… let’s face it….the Jets need a QB with a strong arm-bar and good ground-and-pound game! BTW, defenders get no credit for a sack vs. Tebow unless he taps-out or gets choked out!
Always enjoying the opportunity to jack things up, Vindy was not too happy to realize the Olympic Games preliminaries weren’t actually followed by the mettle rounds!
Mike Tyson brought his solo act to Broadway this summer. Hmmmm….”Iron Mike: Da’ Musical”? How ‘bout “Boxer on da’ Roof”? “Neil Simon’s Round Two”? “Southpaw Pacific”, “The Iron Mikado”? “Oh! Cal-Cut-man!”? “Man of La Muncha”? Do I hear a co-starring role alongside a Yul Brynner-look-a-like in “The Ring & I”???!! “Evander Get Your Gun”????!!!! (‘cause let’s face it…he ain’t gonna’ “hear the Sound of Muuuuuusssiiiiiiic”!)
If yer scorin’ at home, yer aware that October 5th is the 50th anniversary of the introduction of a guy named James Bond…in a 1962 flick called…“Dr. No-Huddle”!!!!
Black Shirt: The coveted undergarment goes to RB Joe Bergeron, who’s TD-run with 29 seconds left gave Texas the win and cover we predicted! Honorable mention to Beavers QB Sean Mannion for a huge passing day and winning touchdown-toss with just over a minute left to give Oregon State the predicted road-upset of Arizona!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: After changing our initial pick, as noted last week, on West Virginia-Baylor, yep…we’d like that one back!
“Locked in a Box?”: Our preferred selections haven’t been able to hit a herd of elephants with a fire-hose, as the Seminoles’ missed cover takes us down to 0-5 (.000)??!!!
Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears continue to adorn the Shoppe walls at 0-3 (.000 and 3-11 over the last 14).
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 11-12 (.478)
Northern Illinois -2 ½ over BALL STATE, AKRON +4 ½ over Bowling Green, WISCONSIN -14 ½ Illinois, MARSHALL +3 over Tulsa, UL-Monroe -3 over MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 5-2012
SUBSTITUTE REFS SHOW-OFF OWN FANDOM AT GAMES
OAKLAND, California (AP)…Little did Eagles RB LeSean McCoy know just how prophetic his statement about replacement officials being “just like fans”, upon learning he was on a referee’s fantasy league squad, would turn out to be. The stand-in crew working Sunday’s game here, between the Raiders and the Steelers, took the field wearing black-and-silver Raider Nation skull-and-crossbones garb, complete with masks and spikes, and tossed Pittsburgh’s famous “terrible towels” in place of regular penalty flags. They weren’t alone in their partisan displays, as zebras at other games across the country elected to wear team colors on their faces, while going shirt-less and bearing painted letters on their chests while calling games (like the fans they were!)! Others, still, brought banners declaring their love for their preferred-clubs and held them up between plays, hoping to be seen on the stadium scoreboard or Jumbo-Tron!
The underdogs continued their early dominance for a fourth straight outing, leading to a 5-13 result (32-39, .450) for Week Four. Mired in a 10-25 backslide, we wonder if Monday night’s Seahawks-Packers officiating crew would replace the bookies behind the betting counter long enough for us to throw up a desperation 10-team parlay, using…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 5 FORECAST
(With soundtrack by Russian punk band Pussy Riot!)
THURS. SEPT. 27
#8 Stanford (-6 ½) over WASHINGTON: The very young Huskies continue to get the label “dangerous”. Nonetheless, we’ll take a Cardinal squad that beat USC by a touchdown a week after ignoring that distraction and crushing Duke, despite youth on its own offensive line. Stanford’s allowing just 14 points-and-change per game. Sled Dogs will have to prove themselves worthy before we take ‘em with a single score vs. a Top Ten club… Stanford 28 UDUB 13
SAT. SEPT. 29
Mississippi (+31) over #1 ALABAMA: Tide 34 Rebels 6
Washington State (+28 ½) over #2 Oregon (@ Seattle): Wazzou’s been denting the scoreboard heavily as usual, especially now under former Texas Tech Air Raid coach Mike Leach, but the defense continues to make otherwise-cane-assisted offenses look fabulous, including a long-dormant Colorado Buffaloes team that beat State last week. We put no stock in Mallards’ whitewash of Arizona. Coogs lost 43-28 last season. Should be plenty of scoring and we recommend the ‘over”…Ducks 59 WSU 34
Towson @ #3 LSU: No line.
#4 Florida State (-17) over SOUTH FLORIDA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Interesting timing for the match-up. ‘Noles were on the ropes for the better part of three quarters vs. Clemson, but turned the game around enough, overcoming self-inflicted wounds, to almost cover as two-touchdown chalk. Meanwhile Bulls went down SU to ATS-perfect Ball State. USF was anticipated (again) to do good things by the “experts”, but BJ Daniels and his cohorts have floundered (again) and should be 1-2 SU rather than 2-1, courtesy of a gift in the waning moments at Nevada. ‘Noles could come out flat for a half after last week, but…FSU 42 USF 17
Tennessee (+13) over #5 GEORGIA: Joja’ 31 Rocky Top 24
#6 South Carolina @ KENTUCKY: OFF
#7 Kansas State: IDLE (next vs. Kansas)
#9 WEST VIRGINIA (-12 ½) over #25 Baylor: Uh-oh. We changed our initial selection in this one. Baylor survived last week’s track-meet at Weeziana-Monroe and has beaten SMU and AA James Madison. We woulda’ loved to have seen Mounties’ QB Geno Smith go toe-to-toe with RGIII, but the game comes a season too late. Lots of upperclassmen for the Bears and we think an “over” is likely, but ‘Eers will be on their game after mere 10-point victory vs. Maryland despite a +3 turnover advantage and it’s Homecoming in Morgantown…WVU 48 Baylor 34
#10 Notre Dame: IDLE (next vs. Miami)
#11 Florida: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
#12 Texas (-3) over OKLAHOMA STATE: Both teams were idle last week after embarrassing their opponents. Both sides will field very young quarterbacks and Cowpokes are 19-4 SU in Stillwater, but State is 1-4-1 as a home dog and the experience-edge goes to ‘Horns Davis Ash. The Steers D will be the difference for Texas (3-0 SU/2-1 ATS)…Texas 37 OKSU 29
#13 USC: IDLE (next @ Utah 10/4)
#14 Ohio State (+3) over #20 MICHIGAN STATE: Big PreTENder Conference opener for a pair of teams that were lucky to escape lower-tier opposition last week. Both trailed at some point, but each mustered enough points to put one in the win-column. Buckeyes have dropped three straight to the line (2-7 skid back to last year), but excel in revenge mode. Michigan State won 10-7 in 2011. MSU also 1-3 ATS. Offensive struggles, including lone field goal vs. the Irish, so far make us wonder how good the Spartans really are and Buckeyes are solid-money facing ranked foes. Defenses should dominate here and “under” is the preferred choice, but we’ll take OSU’s Braxton Miller at QB over Andrew Maxwell and company…OSU 16 MSU 13
#15 Texas Christian (-17) over SMU: Horny Toads 28 SMU 7
#16 Oklahoma: IDLE (next @ Texas Tech)
#17 Clemson (-9 ½) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Tigers know they let a big one get away, getting enough Florida State miscues (untimely false starts, a couple turnovers and a pair of missed FGs early) to pull the upset. Beagles are 0-2 ATS, sandwiching a win over AA Maine between opening loss to Miami and last week’s 9-point road loss to Northwestern. Clemson is terrible laying double-digits away from home, but whacked BC 36-14 last season and should win handily again here if they fix the kick-coverage and time management issues from Week Four’s loss… Clemson 29 BC 13
#18 Oregon State (+2 ½) over ARIZONA: Dam-Builders have stepped-foot on the gridiron just twice. The results? Two upset-victories over Top-25 opponents and a pair of “lock of da’ week” losses for your numbskull narrator, who ignored his own preseason guidance to “bet on State early” in the year. Seven days after blanking AA SC State 56-0, ‘Cats end up on the business end of a goose-egg by Oregon???!! AZ now 8-18 ATS in last 26 I-A matches. Beavers won 37-27 last year. UA just 6-14 vs. the number in Tucson the past 2+ seasons. Which side is doin’ it with smoke-and-mirrors?...OSU 27 AZ 24
#19 Louisville (-10 ½) over SOUTHERN MISS: Louisville 29 SoMiss 14
#21 Mississippi State: IDLE (next @ Kentucky)
Wisconsin (+13) over #22 NEBRASKA: Huskers 20 Wisky 13
#23 Rutgers: IDLE (next vs. UConn)
NEW MEXICO (+27) over #24 Boise State: Off the upset of rival NMSU Aggies, those loco Lobos, using a clock-burning rushing attack (gaining almost 6 yards per carry), claim their first two-win September since posting (GASP!) three in 2007 en route to 9-4 straight-up record (OK, OK…so the first victory came vs. AA Southern! Haters!). Broncos still ranked by the hair on their chinny-chin-chin, getting by BYU 7-6 (scoring only on a late pick-six) in a Thursday-night snoozer. Boise on 14-5 road-fave streak, but State is clearly hobbled by graduation of its superstar backfield to the NFL. UNM has gone 3-1 ATS the last three years following an outright triumph…Broncos 33 Lobos 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the NFL rulebook defines “simultaneous possession” as the occurrence in which the heads of two or more players spin around 360-degrees while spewing pea soup and hurling obscenities and insults at officials, who, while dodging flying debris, such as kicking tees, playbooks and down-markers, try to exorcise footballs from the grasp of afflicted players by brandishing silver whistles, dousing them with Dixie-cups of blessed Gatorade and shouting, “The power of replay commands you!”
During a stop in Sin City over the weekend, Mitt Romney gave President Obama an “F” on the economy and a proposed plan to improve the housing situation in the Silver State. That was a half-grade higher than what the GOP candidate saw fit for Vindy’s Picks!
And just FYI, our flustered forecaster does not apologize for firing-out against the bookies’ offensive line with the sportsbook manager preparing to take a knee at the end of Saturday’s college pigskin slate!
Much like she did for her hubby following the Patriots’ 21-17 loss to the Giants in Super Bowl 46, supermodel Gisele Bundchen defended our haggard host this past Sunday, noting “Vindicator cannot !@%$@!! make his predictions and #!@%!@!! play those games too!”
Black Shirt: Goes to WR Sammy Watkins for throwing a second-half TD pass, helping Clemson at least cover vs. Florida State and providing one of the quintet of correct selections. Honorable mention to Sooners’ QB Landry Jones for an early fumble recovered for TD by K-State, helping validate one of our two upset picks!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: 5-13?????!!! Take yer pick! (But we did identify Mississippi State -34 over South Alabama as best guess for this category in Week Four)
“Locked in a Box?”: The lock tally remains winless at 0-4 (.000) after UCLA was upset by the Beavers (that’s gotta’ be unprecedented for our longtime weekly publication!)
Shoppe Talk: USC (0-4, .000) continues to confound us and is joined by the Ruins of UCLA (0-3, .000), with West Virginia (0-2 season, 3-10 in last 13) and LSU (1-3, .250) also getting stuffed and mounted this week!
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 10-9 (.526)
Nevada -21 over TEXAS STATE, Ball State -1 over KENT STATE, San Jose State -3 over NAVY, IOWA STATE +2 ½ over Texas Tech
OAKLAND, California (AP)…Little did Eagles RB LeSean McCoy know just how prophetic his statement about replacement officials being “just like fans”, upon learning he was on a referee’s fantasy league squad, would turn out to be. The stand-in crew working Sunday’s game here, between the Raiders and the Steelers, took the field wearing black-and-silver Raider Nation skull-and-crossbones garb, complete with masks and spikes, and tossed Pittsburgh’s famous “terrible towels” in place of regular penalty flags. They weren’t alone in their partisan displays, as zebras at other games across the country elected to wear team colors on their faces, while going shirt-less and bearing painted letters on their chests while calling games (like the fans they were!)! Others, still, brought banners declaring their love for their preferred-clubs and held them up between plays, hoping to be seen on the stadium scoreboard or Jumbo-Tron!
The underdogs continued their early dominance for a fourth straight outing, leading to a 5-13 result (32-39, .450) for Week Four. Mired in a 10-25 backslide, we wonder if Monday night’s Seahawks-Packers officiating crew would replace the bookies behind the betting counter long enough for us to throw up a desperation 10-team parlay, using…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 5 FORECAST
(With soundtrack by Russian punk band Pussy Riot!)
THURS. SEPT. 27
#8 Stanford (-6 ½) over WASHINGTON: The very young Huskies continue to get the label “dangerous”. Nonetheless, we’ll take a Cardinal squad that beat USC by a touchdown a week after ignoring that distraction and crushing Duke, despite youth on its own offensive line. Stanford’s allowing just 14 points-and-change per game. Sled Dogs will have to prove themselves worthy before we take ‘em with a single score vs. a Top Ten club… Stanford 28 UDUB 13
SAT. SEPT. 29
Mississippi (+31) over #1 ALABAMA: Tide 34 Rebels 6
Washington State (+28 ½) over #2 Oregon (@ Seattle): Wazzou’s been denting the scoreboard heavily as usual, especially now under former Texas Tech Air Raid coach Mike Leach, but the defense continues to make otherwise-cane-assisted offenses look fabulous, including a long-dormant Colorado Buffaloes team that beat State last week. We put no stock in Mallards’ whitewash of Arizona. Coogs lost 43-28 last season. Should be plenty of scoring and we recommend the ‘over”…Ducks 59 WSU 34
Towson @ #3 LSU: No line.
#4 Florida State (-17) over SOUTH FLORIDA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Interesting timing for the match-up. ‘Noles were on the ropes for the better part of three quarters vs. Clemson, but turned the game around enough, overcoming self-inflicted wounds, to almost cover as two-touchdown chalk. Meanwhile Bulls went down SU to ATS-perfect Ball State. USF was anticipated (again) to do good things by the “experts”, but BJ Daniels and his cohorts have floundered (again) and should be 1-2 SU rather than 2-1, courtesy of a gift in the waning moments at Nevada. ‘Noles could come out flat for a half after last week, but…FSU 42 USF 17
Tennessee (+13) over #5 GEORGIA: Joja’ 31 Rocky Top 24
#6 South Carolina @ KENTUCKY: OFF
#7 Kansas State: IDLE (next vs. Kansas)
#9 WEST VIRGINIA (-12 ½) over #25 Baylor: Uh-oh. We changed our initial selection in this one. Baylor survived last week’s track-meet at Weeziana-Monroe and has beaten SMU and AA James Madison. We woulda’ loved to have seen Mounties’ QB Geno Smith go toe-to-toe with RGIII, but the game comes a season too late. Lots of upperclassmen for the Bears and we think an “over” is likely, but ‘Eers will be on their game after mere 10-point victory vs. Maryland despite a +3 turnover advantage and it’s Homecoming in Morgantown…WVU 48 Baylor 34
#10 Notre Dame: IDLE (next vs. Miami)
#11 Florida: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
#12 Texas (-3) over OKLAHOMA STATE: Both teams were idle last week after embarrassing their opponents. Both sides will field very young quarterbacks and Cowpokes are 19-4 SU in Stillwater, but State is 1-4-1 as a home dog and the experience-edge goes to ‘Horns Davis Ash. The Steers D will be the difference for Texas (3-0 SU/2-1 ATS)…Texas 37 OKSU 29
#13 USC: IDLE (next @ Utah 10/4)
#14 Ohio State (+3) over #20 MICHIGAN STATE: Big PreTENder Conference opener for a pair of teams that were lucky to escape lower-tier opposition last week. Both trailed at some point, but each mustered enough points to put one in the win-column. Buckeyes have dropped three straight to the line (2-7 skid back to last year), but excel in revenge mode. Michigan State won 10-7 in 2011. MSU also 1-3 ATS. Offensive struggles, including lone field goal vs. the Irish, so far make us wonder how good the Spartans really are and Buckeyes are solid-money facing ranked foes. Defenses should dominate here and “under” is the preferred choice, but we’ll take OSU’s Braxton Miller at QB over Andrew Maxwell and company…OSU 16 MSU 13
#15 Texas Christian (-17) over SMU: Horny Toads 28 SMU 7
#16 Oklahoma: IDLE (next @ Texas Tech)
#17 Clemson (-9 ½) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Tigers know they let a big one get away, getting enough Florida State miscues (untimely false starts, a couple turnovers and a pair of missed FGs early) to pull the upset. Beagles are 0-2 ATS, sandwiching a win over AA Maine between opening loss to Miami and last week’s 9-point road loss to Northwestern. Clemson is terrible laying double-digits away from home, but whacked BC 36-14 last season and should win handily again here if they fix the kick-coverage and time management issues from Week Four’s loss… Clemson 29 BC 13
#18 Oregon State (+2 ½) over ARIZONA: Dam-Builders have stepped-foot on the gridiron just twice. The results? Two upset-victories over Top-25 opponents and a pair of “lock of da’ week” losses for your numbskull narrator, who ignored his own preseason guidance to “bet on State early” in the year. Seven days after blanking AA SC State 56-0, ‘Cats end up on the business end of a goose-egg by Oregon???!! AZ now 8-18 ATS in last 26 I-A matches. Beavers won 37-27 last year. UA just 6-14 vs. the number in Tucson the past 2+ seasons. Which side is doin’ it with smoke-and-mirrors?...OSU 27 AZ 24
#19 Louisville (-10 ½) over SOUTHERN MISS: Louisville 29 SoMiss 14
#21 Mississippi State: IDLE (next @ Kentucky)
Wisconsin (+13) over #22 NEBRASKA: Huskers 20 Wisky 13
#23 Rutgers: IDLE (next vs. UConn)
NEW MEXICO (+27) over #24 Boise State: Off the upset of rival NMSU Aggies, those loco Lobos, using a clock-burning rushing attack (gaining almost 6 yards per carry), claim their first two-win September since posting (GASP!) three in 2007 en route to 9-4 straight-up record (OK, OK…so the first victory came vs. AA Southern! Haters!). Broncos still ranked by the hair on their chinny-chin-chin, getting by BYU 7-6 (scoring only on a late pick-six) in a Thursday-night snoozer. Boise on 14-5 road-fave streak, but State is clearly hobbled by graduation of its superstar backfield to the NFL. UNM has gone 3-1 ATS the last three years following an outright triumph…Broncos 33 Lobos 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the NFL rulebook defines “simultaneous possession” as the occurrence in which the heads of two or more players spin around 360-degrees while spewing pea soup and hurling obscenities and insults at officials, who, while dodging flying debris, such as kicking tees, playbooks and down-markers, try to exorcise footballs from the grasp of afflicted players by brandishing silver whistles, dousing them with Dixie-cups of blessed Gatorade and shouting, “The power of replay commands you!”
During a stop in Sin City over the weekend, Mitt Romney gave President Obama an “F” on the economy and a proposed plan to improve the housing situation in the Silver State. That was a half-grade higher than what the GOP candidate saw fit for Vindy’s Picks!
And just FYI, our flustered forecaster does not apologize for firing-out against the bookies’ offensive line with the sportsbook manager preparing to take a knee at the end of Saturday’s college pigskin slate!
Much like she did for her hubby following the Patriots’ 21-17 loss to the Giants in Super Bowl 46, supermodel Gisele Bundchen defended our haggard host this past Sunday, noting “Vindicator cannot !@%$@!! make his predictions and #!@%!@!! play those games too!”
Black Shirt: Goes to WR Sammy Watkins for throwing a second-half TD pass, helping Clemson at least cover vs. Florida State and providing one of the quintet of correct selections. Honorable mention to Sooners’ QB Landry Jones for an early fumble recovered for TD by K-State, helping validate one of our two upset picks!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: 5-13?????!!! Take yer pick! (But we did identify Mississippi State -34 over South Alabama as best guess for this category in Week Four)
“Locked in a Box?”: The lock tally remains winless at 0-4 (.000) after UCLA was upset by the Beavers (that’s gotta’ be unprecedented for our longtime weekly publication!)
Shoppe Talk: USC (0-4, .000) continues to confound us and is joined by the Ruins of UCLA (0-3, .000), with West Virginia (0-2 season, 3-10 in last 13) and LSU (1-3, .250) also getting stuffed and mounted this week!
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 10-9 (.526)
Nevada -21 over TEXAS STATE, Ball State -1 over KENT STATE, San Jose State -3 over NAVY, IOWA STATE +2 ½ over Texas Tech
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 4-2012
SCIENTOLOGY BEHIND NFL COMBINE
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (MSNBC)…It appears to be a case of “she doth protest too much” for Kirstie Alley, who jumped to the aid of fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise following accusations the pair’s church-of-choice set up bogus movie auditions in 2004 with the real intent of finding a mate for the diminutive actor. It was discovered the former Cheers and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan actress, herself, had help from the religious institution to recruit potential husbands or boyfriends via the 2000 NFL Combine, after the demise of her two-year relationship with James Wilder in 1999. Players were lured to the local yearly pre-draft extravaganza, with the promise of being able to show-off their wares to pro scouts, but in reality, had their responses and reactions to a battery of very personal questions, including details of their intimate conquests, secretly-recorded under the guise of the Wonderlic test. Athletes with already-known leanings toward the views of the church were actually punished, by being made to clean the locker room with toothbrushes, if their performances were deemed “inadequate” and were reportedly told their “duty” was “not only to please their wives, but also to toe the line-of-scrimmage for Scientology!”
Enjoying the success of the first two weeks, Vindicator forgot all about the bookies’ legendary closing-speed and faltered to 5-12 for Week Three (27-26, .509). The five forecast wins were one higher than former LSU player Morris Claiborne’s score on the actual Wonderlic test, putting the respective football IQs of the two somewhere around “Gatorade bucket”, which also happens to be the beverage-container responsible for making the selections in…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(More exposed lately than Kate Middleton!)
THURS. SEPT. 20
#24 BOISE STATE (-7) over Brigham Young: Broncos didn’t cover a home-game last season, but did so this year by belting Miami-Oh My by 27 (after trailing 9-8 at halftime) in Week Three. Coogs made “upset” loss to Utah interesting with multiple reviews in a 22-hankie flag-fest before falling. BSU not stellar as non-Saturday chalk, but lost its first game on that funky blue turf since 2005 last season…Boise State 27 BYU 17
SAT. SEPT. 22
Florida Atlantic (+50) over #1 ALABAMA: Turnovers are killin’ teams vs. Alabama. Tide got five of ‘em from Tyler Wilson-less Soooeey Pigs in 52-nada romp. Backin’ the Owls in game at Joja’ was one things we did right last week. FAU had been dismal double-digit non-conference ‘dog entering 2012 and a poor bet as a road dog in general. Birds haven’t topped four spread-wins in a season since 2004, but are 1-1 in FBS play thus far and have improved on both sides of the ball. ‘Bama’s not special laying points at home. With just Old Mist on-deck, we wonder if Tide has a third-straight shut-out in ‘em. We think not…Alabama 51 FAU 6
#2 Louisiana State (-20) over AUBURN: Auburn had excusable losses to Clemson and Mississippi State, but almost did a face-plant vs. upstart Weeziana-Monroe just a week after the Red Hawks dropped Arkansas! War Eagle is now 0-fer-3 ATS. Bengals make their first trip away from Baton Rouge and face Auburn squad that has now won 21 of its last 24 games at Jordan-Hare (a pair defeats to ‘Bama and 1 to Kentucky!). State lost 24-17 here in 2010… LSU 37 Auburn 14
#22 Arizona (+23 ½) over #3 OREGON: Mallards 42 ‘Cats 34
#10 Clemson (+14) over #4 FLORIDA STATE: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Though the Clemson D took a step backward last year, keeping just three opponents under 14 (including Virginia Tech twice) after holding 6 of 8 ACC foes under 17 in 2010. Tigers have beaten the ‘Noles twice in the past three years, covering the whole trey. Clemson’s top WR Sammy Watkins returned from suspension in last week’s rout of Furman. They’ll need him. FSU has allowed three total points in as many games, but get tested here…Clemson 24 FSU 20
Vanderbilt (+15) over #5 GEORGIA: Joja’ 20 Vandy 12
#15 Kansas State (+14) over #6 OKLAHOMA: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. We paid the price last week for ignoring the little voice in our head that was screamin’ “take Mean Green and da’ points over K-State”. Purple Persians, this week, are back in preferred role as road dogs, in which they’ve covered 14 of last 19. Sooners, again, getting preseason hype, haven’t come out strong, winning just 24-7 at UTEP, but still have their place among the top teams in multiple offensive and defensive categories on the strength of 69-13 win over FCS Florida A&M. KSU QB Colin Klein should keep the OK defense busy long enough. “Stoops... I…did it again!”…Wildcats 24 OK 23
Missouri @ #7 SOUTH CAROLINA (-10): KFC 30 Mizzou 17
#8 WEST VIRGINIA (-28) over Maryland: Mountaineers 45 Terps 12
#9 Stanford: IDLE (next @ Washington 9/27)
#11 NOTRE DAME (-6) over #18 Michigan: Irish 24 Michigan 16
#12 Texas: IDLE (next @ Oklahoma State)
California (+16) over #13 USC: Trojans 33 Bears 30
Kentucky (+24 ½) over #14 FLORIDA: It’s just too hard to lay this kinda’ lumber with Gators, who’ve started slowly. Game vs. Tennessee was close for more than three quarters, so final in Florida’s 17-point win is deceptive. KY put up a decent effort in the opener before Louisville managed to separate itself, then bombed Kent State before falling in OT to rising-Western Kentucky Hilltoppers squad. Crocs have made laughers outta’ this one the past three seasons, winning 48-10, 48-14 and 41-7. KY is very young on offense, but…Florida 29 Kentucky 9
#16 OHIO STATE (-37 ½) over Alabama-Birmingham: OSU was fortunate that Cal missed three FGs in 7-point to the Buckeyes (we kinda’ thought the Bears’ kicker looked an awful lot like Lions placekicker Sam Fickens! Maybe there was an involuntary transfer from the alma mater?!). UAB, led by 1st-year coach McGee (formerly the OC at Arkansas [and we know how the Razorbacks’ season has gone to-date, don’t we???!!!]) lost by 43 at South Carolina. Cal RB Bigelow racked up 160 yards on four carries vs. State, but Blazers play in C-USA, not the PAC-12….OSU 48 UAB 7
Virginia (+17 ½) over #17 TCU: Frogs 21 Cavs 13
#19 UCLA (-10) over Oregon State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Courtesy of a postponed opener and a bye last week, Beavers have played just one game, so there’s not much of a gauge. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com does note State has covered last five games with rest. Bruins are one of four teams at 3-0 ATS vs. Bowl Subdivision opposition (Ball State, Northwestern and Toledo are the others) and walloped Houston despite committing five turnovers, riding an offense that ranks #2 nationally in yardage and averaging almost 41 ppg. We think State’s 10-7 upset of Wisconsin says more about the Badgers (or perhaps the Big Tenuous conference) than it does about the Beavers…UCLA 34 Oregon State 17
#20 Louisville (-13) over FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL: We’ve already seen FIU’s fellow Stun Belt conference members Western Kentucky and, as noted above, Weeziana-Monroe, respectively take out Kentucky and Arkansas, with ULM nearly upsetting Auburn last week as well. But we expect a bit a rebound by the faves, ATS-wise, after the first three weeks went by-and-large to the ‘dogs. Panthers beat Louisville 24-17 on the road in 2011. Cardinals won’t look past dangerous minor-league team here. Could end up one of those 17-10 tilts, but we’re callin’… Louisville 29 FIU 14
#21 MICHIGAN STATE (-32 ½) over Eastern Michigan: MSU 45 EMU 7
#23 MISSISSIPPI STATE (-34 ½) over South Alabama: Shocker. Yet-another SEC West club climbs into the rankings, and faces Jaguars team in its inaugural campaign in the FBS. Bulldogs lousy laying more than two touchdowns, scraping by Troy (+16) 30-24 last week. South ‘Bama covered 31-7 loss at NC State and had one of the better defenses in FCS competition last year. State hasn’t seen a line this big since 2009-opener and hasn’t knocked-off anybody by this margin except Memphis and FCS Jackson State over the last two years. Best guess for “wish I had it back”…MSU 48 Jaguars 7
Idaho State @ #25 NEBRASKA: No line.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, making Kirstie’s “short list” during the year-in-question…Nifty Lions’ alumni Courtney Brown and LaVar Arrington, who went first and second, #8-pick Plaxico Burress and kicker Sebastian Janikowski, grabbed in the 17th-spot of da’ first round!
Damn-good thing Lions toppled Navy (including successful completion of three outta’ four PATs) this week ‘cuz given the state of its kicking game, the alma mater was about to be allowed, as FG or extra-point situations arise, to designate a player to flick one of those triangular, paper footballs thru the “goalposts” as formed by a designated opposing player holding their index-fingers tip-to-tip, with thumbs raised, at the end of a very long rectangular table!
When not in class or practicing their routines for the big games, Buckeyes cheerleaders have been known to peruse “Fitty Shades of Scarlet & Grey”!
Tim Tebow spent some time last January backstage with the cast of aquatic Cirque Du Soleil show “O” here in Vegas. Maybe he learned some nifty tricks for escaping a collapsing pocket via the lines attached to the wires that support the overhead-camera shots! He’d have to replace the usual eye-black with kabuki make-up though!
Mere weeks after the reality-TV show featuring Chad Johnson and Eva Lozada was cancelled after a reported incident of domestic violence, the former-footballer’s soon-to-be ex-spouse was seen canoodling with a certain U.S. Olympic speed-skater. Executives at VH1 have since jumped at the chance to broadcast…”Ev and Ohno”!!!!
If we swapped-out Peyton Manning for a certain New England Patriots quarterback in the music-video we suggested earlier this season, we could change the title of one of the featured songs to… “Call Me, Brady!”
“Bounty…the quicker-knocker-downer!” Official paper-towel of the N’awlins Saints!
BTW, the folks calling NFL games aren’t really officials, but they did stay at a Holiday Inn Express Saturday night!
Black Shirt: Seriously-slim pickins this week, but we hand over the ultimate-undergarment to back-up Joja’ QB Christian LeMay, who tossed a late-game pick-six that allowed Florida Atlantic to grab the backdoor cover as one of our very few forecast wins!
“Locked in a Box?”: Hokies fell to Pittsburgh, dropping the lock tally to (GASP!)…0-3????!!!
Shoppe Talk: The USC Trojans are firmly-entrenched at 0-3 (.000).
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-3 Season: 8-7 (.533)
Nevada-Reno -9 over HAWAII, BALL STATE +10 ½ over South Florida, WAZZOU -18 ½ over Colorado, NORTH TEXAS (PK) over Troy
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (MSNBC)…It appears to be a case of “she doth protest too much” for Kirstie Alley, who jumped to the aid of fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise following accusations the pair’s church-of-choice set up bogus movie auditions in 2004 with the real intent of finding a mate for the diminutive actor. It was discovered the former Cheers and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan actress, herself, had help from the religious institution to recruit potential husbands or boyfriends via the 2000 NFL Combine, after the demise of her two-year relationship with James Wilder in 1999. Players were lured to the local yearly pre-draft extravaganza, with the promise of being able to show-off their wares to pro scouts, but in reality, had their responses and reactions to a battery of very personal questions, including details of their intimate conquests, secretly-recorded under the guise of the Wonderlic test. Athletes with already-known leanings toward the views of the church were actually punished, by being made to clean the locker room with toothbrushes, if their performances were deemed “inadequate” and were reportedly told their “duty” was “not only to please their wives, but also to toe the line-of-scrimmage for Scientology!”
Enjoying the success of the first two weeks, Vindicator forgot all about the bookies’ legendary closing-speed and faltered to 5-12 for Week Three (27-26, .509). The five forecast wins were one higher than former LSU player Morris Claiborne’s score on the actual Wonderlic test, putting the respective football IQs of the two somewhere around “Gatorade bucket”, which also happens to be the beverage-container responsible for making the selections in…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(More exposed lately than Kate Middleton!)
THURS. SEPT. 20
#24 BOISE STATE (-7) over Brigham Young: Broncos didn’t cover a home-game last season, but did so this year by belting Miami-Oh My by 27 (after trailing 9-8 at halftime) in Week Three. Coogs made “upset” loss to Utah interesting with multiple reviews in a 22-hankie flag-fest before falling. BSU not stellar as non-Saturday chalk, but lost its first game on that funky blue turf since 2005 last season…Boise State 27 BYU 17
SAT. SEPT. 22
Florida Atlantic (+50) over #1 ALABAMA: Turnovers are killin’ teams vs. Alabama. Tide got five of ‘em from Tyler Wilson-less Soooeey Pigs in 52-nada romp. Backin’ the Owls in game at Joja’ was one things we did right last week. FAU had been dismal double-digit non-conference ‘dog entering 2012 and a poor bet as a road dog in general. Birds haven’t topped four spread-wins in a season since 2004, but are 1-1 in FBS play thus far and have improved on both sides of the ball. ‘Bama’s not special laying points at home. With just Old Mist on-deck, we wonder if Tide has a third-straight shut-out in ‘em. We think not…Alabama 51 FAU 6
#2 Louisiana State (-20) over AUBURN: Auburn had excusable losses to Clemson and Mississippi State, but almost did a face-plant vs. upstart Weeziana-Monroe just a week after the Red Hawks dropped Arkansas! War Eagle is now 0-fer-3 ATS. Bengals make their first trip away from Baton Rouge and face Auburn squad that has now won 21 of its last 24 games at Jordan-Hare (a pair defeats to ‘Bama and 1 to Kentucky!). State lost 24-17 here in 2010… LSU 37 Auburn 14
#22 Arizona (+23 ½) over #3 OREGON: Mallards 42 ‘Cats 34
#10 Clemson (+14) over #4 FLORIDA STATE: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Though the Clemson D took a step backward last year, keeping just three opponents under 14 (including Virginia Tech twice) after holding 6 of 8 ACC foes under 17 in 2010. Tigers have beaten the ‘Noles twice in the past three years, covering the whole trey. Clemson’s top WR Sammy Watkins returned from suspension in last week’s rout of Furman. They’ll need him. FSU has allowed three total points in as many games, but get tested here…Clemson 24 FSU 20
Vanderbilt (+15) over #5 GEORGIA: Joja’ 20 Vandy 12
#15 Kansas State (+14) over #6 OKLAHOMA: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. We paid the price last week for ignoring the little voice in our head that was screamin’ “take Mean Green and da’ points over K-State”. Purple Persians, this week, are back in preferred role as road dogs, in which they’ve covered 14 of last 19. Sooners, again, getting preseason hype, haven’t come out strong, winning just 24-7 at UTEP, but still have their place among the top teams in multiple offensive and defensive categories on the strength of 69-13 win over FCS Florida A&M. KSU QB Colin Klein should keep the OK defense busy long enough. “Stoops... I…did it again!”…Wildcats 24 OK 23
Missouri @ #7 SOUTH CAROLINA (-10): KFC 30 Mizzou 17
#8 WEST VIRGINIA (-28) over Maryland: Mountaineers 45 Terps 12
#9 Stanford: IDLE (next @ Washington 9/27)
#11 NOTRE DAME (-6) over #18 Michigan: Irish 24 Michigan 16
#12 Texas: IDLE (next @ Oklahoma State)
California (+16) over #13 USC: Trojans 33 Bears 30
Kentucky (+24 ½) over #14 FLORIDA: It’s just too hard to lay this kinda’ lumber with Gators, who’ve started slowly. Game vs. Tennessee was close for more than three quarters, so final in Florida’s 17-point win is deceptive. KY put up a decent effort in the opener before Louisville managed to separate itself, then bombed Kent State before falling in OT to rising-Western Kentucky Hilltoppers squad. Crocs have made laughers outta’ this one the past three seasons, winning 48-10, 48-14 and 41-7. KY is very young on offense, but…Florida 29 Kentucky 9
#16 OHIO STATE (-37 ½) over Alabama-Birmingham: OSU was fortunate that Cal missed three FGs in 7-point to the Buckeyes (we kinda’ thought the Bears’ kicker looked an awful lot like Lions placekicker Sam Fickens! Maybe there was an involuntary transfer from the alma mater?!). UAB, led by 1st-year coach McGee (formerly the OC at Arkansas [and we know how the Razorbacks’ season has gone to-date, don’t we???!!!]) lost by 43 at South Carolina. Cal RB Bigelow racked up 160 yards on four carries vs. State, but Blazers play in C-USA, not the PAC-12….OSU 48 UAB 7
Virginia (+17 ½) over #17 TCU: Frogs 21 Cavs 13
#19 UCLA (-10) over Oregon State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Courtesy of a postponed opener and a bye last week, Beavers have played just one game, so there’s not much of a gauge. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com does note State has covered last five games with rest. Bruins are one of four teams at 3-0 ATS vs. Bowl Subdivision opposition (Ball State, Northwestern and Toledo are the others) and walloped Houston despite committing five turnovers, riding an offense that ranks #2 nationally in yardage and averaging almost 41 ppg. We think State’s 10-7 upset of Wisconsin says more about the Badgers (or perhaps the Big Tenuous conference) than it does about the Beavers…UCLA 34 Oregon State 17
#20 Louisville (-13) over FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL: We’ve already seen FIU’s fellow Stun Belt conference members Western Kentucky and, as noted above, Weeziana-Monroe, respectively take out Kentucky and Arkansas, with ULM nearly upsetting Auburn last week as well. But we expect a bit a rebound by the faves, ATS-wise, after the first three weeks went by-and-large to the ‘dogs. Panthers beat Louisville 24-17 on the road in 2011. Cardinals won’t look past dangerous minor-league team here. Could end up one of those 17-10 tilts, but we’re callin’… Louisville 29 FIU 14
#21 MICHIGAN STATE (-32 ½) over Eastern Michigan: MSU 45 EMU 7
#23 MISSISSIPPI STATE (-34 ½) over South Alabama: Shocker. Yet-another SEC West club climbs into the rankings, and faces Jaguars team in its inaugural campaign in the FBS. Bulldogs lousy laying more than two touchdowns, scraping by Troy (+16) 30-24 last week. South ‘Bama covered 31-7 loss at NC State and had one of the better defenses in FCS competition last year. State hasn’t seen a line this big since 2009-opener and hasn’t knocked-off anybody by this margin except Memphis and FCS Jackson State over the last two years. Best guess for “wish I had it back”…MSU 48 Jaguars 7
Idaho State @ #25 NEBRASKA: No line.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, making Kirstie’s “short list” during the year-in-question…Nifty Lions’ alumni Courtney Brown and LaVar Arrington, who went first and second, #8-pick Plaxico Burress and kicker Sebastian Janikowski, grabbed in the 17th-spot of da’ first round!
Damn-good thing Lions toppled Navy (including successful completion of three outta’ four PATs) this week ‘cuz given the state of its kicking game, the alma mater was about to be allowed, as FG or extra-point situations arise, to designate a player to flick one of those triangular, paper footballs thru the “goalposts” as formed by a designated opposing player holding their index-fingers tip-to-tip, with thumbs raised, at the end of a very long rectangular table!
When not in class or practicing their routines for the big games, Buckeyes cheerleaders have been known to peruse “Fitty Shades of Scarlet & Grey”!
Tim Tebow spent some time last January backstage with the cast of aquatic Cirque Du Soleil show “O” here in Vegas. Maybe he learned some nifty tricks for escaping a collapsing pocket via the lines attached to the wires that support the overhead-camera shots! He’d have to replace the usual eye-black with kabuki make-up though!
Mere weeks after the reality-TV show featuring Chad Johnson and Eva Lozada was cancelled after a reported incident of domestic violence, the former-footballer’s soon-to-be ex-spouse was seen canoodling with a certain U.S. Olympic speed-skater. Executives at VH1 have since jumped at the chance to broadcast…”Ev and Ohno”!!!!
If we swapped-out Peyton Manning for a certain New England Patriots quarterback in the music-video we suggested earlier this season, we could change the title of one of the featured songs to… “Call Me, Brady!”
“Bounty…the quicker-knocker-downer!” Official paper-towel of the N’awlins Saints!
BTW, the folks calling NFL games aren’t really officials, but they did stay at a Holiday Inn Express Saturday night!
Black Shirt: Seriously-slim pickins this week, but we hand over the ultimate-undergarment to back-up Joja’ QB Christian LeMay, who tossed a late-game pick-six that allowed Florida Atlantic to grab the backdoor cover as one of our very few forecast wins!
“Locked in a Box?”: Hokies fell to Pittsburgh, dropping the lock tally to (GASP!)…0-3????!!!
Shoppe Talk: The USC Trojans are firmly-entrenched at 0-3 (.000).
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-3 Season: 8-7 (.533)
Nevada-Reno -9 over HAWAII, BALL STATE +10 ½ over South Florida, WAZZOU -18 ½ over Colorado, NORTH TEXAS (PK) over Troy
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 3-2012
JUDGE FLIPS SUSPENSIONS, BOOKIES BACK
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (UPI)…Ticket-writers at Caesar’s Palace returned to work behind the betting counter this week following the successful appeal of suspensions handed-down over the summer by the Gaming Control Board. The bookies had been paid for “whacks” and “cart-offs”, defined as hits on sharp bettors (or casual bettors on a winning streak) that sent them staggering out of the casino, either needing assistance from others or actually carried away on a stretcher. A “bounty ledger” produced by the prosecution revealed the ‘book employees offering “two five-stacks” to co-workers for knocking out targeted gamblers during the annual NCAA men’s basketball tournament and the college bowl season. The reversal is temporary, and the sportsbook manager remains banned from the property for a year under the equivalent of the NCAA’s “lack of institutional control” statute, but the judge ruled the Board did not have the authority to impose the penalties. Meanwhile, investigations continue into allegations that cocktail waitresses, slot-techs, and even keno-runners were also encouraged to participate in the illegal activities.
Your humble narrator correctly anticipated another big week by the ‘dogs (though certainly not the upsets) and went 12-7 on the fortnight (22-14, .611). And just fer da’ record, legal evidence included proof of an offer for “two short stacks of pancakes (with blueberry compote and whipped cream) topped with a pair of bacon strips at IHOP for any hit sending Vindy outta’ the sportsbook” if he was caught trying to place wagers based on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Protected this week by the Saints defense)
SAT. SEPT. 15
ARKANSAS (+20) over #1 Alabama: Wow! We’re familiar with “looking past” a team when a bigger game’s on da’ horizon, but…yikes! Actually, we attribute Hogs’ first regular-season SU demise outside their own division in over two-and-a-half seasons to the loss of QB Tyler Wilson. Working for Arkansas backers…Tide is just 16-10 ATS in SEC play the last three years and Western Kentucky held ‘Bama to 103 rushing yards just a week after Tide went for 232 vs. Michigan. (Props to the Hilltoppers, who’ve been ATS-machines, covering 11 of last 12, or were the Red Elephants playin’ possum?). The bad news?...Pigs yielded 412 passing yards (550 total!) in serious-upset loss to UL-Monroe. Bacon Strips were minus-two turnovers in 2011’s 38-14 defeat to ‘Bama. Tide is without #2 rusher and lead-blocker for the year…Tide 33 Pork Chops 19
#2 Southern Cal (-7 ½) over #21 STANFORD: Money’s been comin’ in hot-n-heavy on Stanford and again, we note USC’s been letting opponents stay in it (spread-wise, at least) too long. However, Stanford is young on the O-line and the strong running game we touted earlier in the season for the Cardinal hasn’t materialized nearly as much as we expected, averaging a pedestrian 123 ypg. That won’t cut it vs. most decent teams and the 40-point rout of Duke is tad deceiving if ya consider four turnovers by the Blue Devils. The doggie has taken the money the last four years and Trees haven’t gotten points at home since ’09 (resulting in an outright win over Oregon). Redbirds have won three straight in this series, including 56-48 game in 2011. If Troy is gonna’ prove itself worthy of the preseason hype, covering here would help…Trojans 34 Stanford 24
Idaho (+42) over #3 LSU: Tigers 41 Vandals 6
Tennessee Tech @ #4 OREGON: No line.
#5 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. Kansas State)
Wake Forest (+27) over #6 FLORIDA STATE: We end up with egg on our face every time we back the ‘Noles, but we salute them for takin’ care of bidness vs. two FCS squads to the tune of 124-3. Clemson is on-deck for State and the Deacs have actually taken three of last five SU vs. the Tribe. The Forest edged double-A Liberty before upsetting North Carolina. Wake’s been bad road dog. State busted Weeziana-Monroe and Charleston Southern, collectively 96-10, in 2011 before dropping three straight games, including 35-30 loss to these Demon Deacons… FSU 30 Wake Forest 20
Florida Atlantic (+42) over #7 GEORGIA: ‘Dawgs 42 FAU 6
Alabama-Birmingham (+33 ½) over #8 SOUTH CAROLINA: Poultry 37 UAB 10
James Madison @ #9 WEST VIRGINIA: No line.
#10 MICHIGAN STATE (-5) over #20 Notre Dame: QB Golson was effective enough throwing the ball in Catholics’ narrow win over Purdue, while State gave up Central Michigan’s only points in the waning half-minute on an INT-for-TD by the reserve quarterback in 41-7 romp. MSU is revenge-minded after last season’s 31-13 loss. Irish have covered 5 of last 8 vs. the Top 25, but won only two of ‘em outright. Spartans band has been instructed to fire-up Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” every time the Leprechauns get da’ ball…MSU 27 ND 19
Furman @ #11 CLEMSON: No line.
#12 OHIO STATE (-17) over California: Uh oh! Another 12-PACK/Big Tent-Peg match-up! At least the Buckeyes are hosting this one. Bears have given up 31 in each of their two previous games in 2012…winning one, losing one. Bears have covered 7 of last 8 getting double-digits on the road (though 1-1 in 2011). State comes in on 1-5 ATS skid, having combined with UCF for total of six turnovers in SU win (but spread loss) vs. the Golden Knights. QB Braxton Miller proved himself worthy of carrying the ground game as well, rushing for three touchdowns, drawing comparisons to former Buckeye QB Art Schlicter. Fans (and school officials) hope that’s where the similarities end, given Schlicter’s subsequent NFL bust and life of crime as a compulsive gambling felon… Buckeyes 38 Berkeley 16
#13 Virginia Tech (-10 ½) over PITTSBURGH: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Panthers, who change coaches like we change channels, are go-against until further notice. The instability of four head coaches in just over a year’s time has shown in opening two-score loss to the AA Penguins of Y-town State and a blow-out loss at Cincinnati, in which Pitt scored a meaningless TD with about 90 seconds left to play last Thursday. Pitt features a lot of seniors on offense, but not playin’ like it…Hokies 31 Pitt 10
#14 Texas (-10 ½) over MISSISSIPPI: Texas 35 Old Mist 17
#15 KANSAS STATE (-28 ½) over North Texas: KSU 48 Mean Green 17
KANSAS (+21) over #16 Texas Christian: Not much of gauge to-date for Texas Christian (just nine starters back), with only the 56-nada smoking of Grambling last week in the record book. TCU, an unimpressive away-fave, advances in conference-class (again), but faces arguably the remedial students of said-class. Jayhawks, now being directed by Charlie Weis, have won just a pair of Big 12 match-ups in the last 25 and allowed almost 44 ppg by opponents last season. Birds enter this one off one-point loss to Rice after beating FCS South Dakota State, 31-17 to open the year. Four Horny Toads gridiron players were caught in a drug-sting during the offseason. Considering a movement for random drug-testing at Oregon, perhaps some of the Ducks would consider transferring to…THC-U 34 Kansas 17
Massachusetts (+46) over #17 MICHIGAN: Michigan 51 UMass 9
#18 Florida (+3) over #23 TENNESSEE: The Florida passing game is still in first-gear, but Gators pulled out the win on the strength of the defense. Perhaps Coach Muschamp should let RB Gillislee carry the team this week as well. Vols are favored , but haven’t toppled the Crocs since 2004, losing each of the past three years by an average of a dozen points. Rocky Top is 2-0, having beaten NC State and AA Joja’ State decisively. Derek Dooley helped bring about Tennessee’s new athletic facility, which includes a mixed-martial arts octagon. Vindy’s spies say Dooley’s planning to teach his charges to choke-out opposing players in the pile after the whistle! (Just outta’ curiosity, for the Lord of the Rings fanatics, did anyone else out there see Gollum put Sam in a rear-naked choke early in “The Two Towers”???!!!)…Florida 19 Tennessee 17
#19 LOUISVILLE (-3 ½) over North Carolina: Cardinals 20 UNC 10
Houston (+17) over #22 UCLA: Best guess for “wish I had it back”. Air Keenum is gone and loss to (GASP!) Texas State (+36 ½) led to the resignation of Coogs’ OC. Houston put forth a much better in Week Two, but still lost SU/ATS to Weeziana Tech by a touchdown in a shootout. Improved Bruins squad beat Rice and piled up 653 yards of offense in 36-30 upset of Nebraska, behind RB Franklin’s 217 rushing yards, to go to 2-0 SU/ATS. UH won 38-34 last year. UCLA now 4-1 ATS as DD chalk the past three campaigns…Cubs 42 Coogs 34
SC State @ #24 ARIZONA: No line.
#25 Brigham Young (-4 ½) over UTAH: We watched the Utes’ quarterbacks get hurried, bruised and battered by the Aggies defense in Thursday night 27-20 upset loss to USU, and starter Jordan Wynn is now out for the season. Cougars opened with a pair of easy home wins over Wazzou and Weber State. Utes are 2-1 SU/ATS the past three years in this series, but embarrassed BYU 54-10 on the road last year. Both sides are deep, but we like Riley Nelson to lead BYU to the payback win and cover…BYU 24 Utah 17
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, if we can’t leave the resort under our own power, we’d prefer to exit the building strapped to the top of a hotdog cart!
As a follow-up to last week’s lead story, the Paterno family continues to adamantly deny Joe Pa was obsessed with the Masters of the Universe figure-collection found in his office alongside a 1970’s “Simon” game that only played the famous tone-sequence from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”!!! (We also have it on good authority that the bronze statue of the coaching legend, reportedly stashed in a safe hiding place on campus, was actually beamed-up by the Mothership and now shares an air-lock with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa!)
The AP ran a story last week about the exploits of Russian president Vladimir Putin as, among other things, a biker, diver and swimmer. OK, so he’s proven himself as a candidate for the next annual “X-Games”. We just really wanna’ see him snort half-a-pound of wasabi in the next “Jack-Ass” movie! (In all honestly, after the alma mater left 13 points via the kicking-game [four missed FGs and a blocked XP] in a one-point road loss to Virginia, we’d personally serve borscht and doff off our furry Ushanka hat to the Soviet leader if he could split the uprights from 20-35 yards away!) . Geez! Does Sebastian Janikowski or David Akers have any college-eligibility left???!!!
Back in February, Madonna (with Cirque du Soleil) did the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Too bad Tim Tebow and da’ Broncos didn’t make it. The Material Goal…uh…Girl…coulda’ open the show with “Like A Prayer”!
In the midst of the NY Giants’ Super Bowl victory parade, punter Steve Weatherford commandeered a drum from one of the marching band members and kept his own rhythm….then promptly kicked the percussion instrument outta’ bounds inside the Patriots’ 20-yard line!
In June, U.S. Olympic sprinter Justin Gatlin weighed-in on the tie for the Summer Games berth for women’s 100-meters between Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh, proposing the conundrum be decided via Jell-O or mud-wrestling match. We thought a sudden-death game of “quarters” or “beer-pong” was called-for!
Black Shirt: We hand out a whole box of tees this week to the Gators defense for holding A&M scoreless in the second-half, allowing Florida to rally for the win.
“Locked in a Box?”: Ironically, with all of Vindy’s good fortune picking games thus far, our preferred choices are now 0-2 (.000) as the Merit-Badgers fell outright to the Beavers!
Shoppe Talk: The Trojans of USC (0-2, .000) drop-by to keep West Virginia company, along with the Cowpokes of Oklahoma State (0-1, but now 3-11 in last 14 appearances in the picks!)
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 5-4 (.555)
Northern Illinois -3 over ARMY, Arizona State +6 ½ over MISSOURI, Virginia +10 ½ over JOJA’ TECH, Ohio -6 ½ over MARSHALL, Utah State +14 over WISCONSIN, Middle Tennessee State -3 ½ over MEMPHIS
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (UPI)…Ticket-writers at Caesar’s Palace returned to work behind the betting counter this week following the successful appeal of suspensions handed-down over the summer by the Gaming Control Board. The bookies had been paid for “whacks” and “cart-offs”, defined as hits on sharp bettors (or casual bettors on a winning streak) that sent them staggering out of the casino, either needing assistance from others or actually carried away on a stretcher. A “bounty ledger” produced by the prosecution revealed the ‘book employees offering “two five-stacks” to co-workers for knocking out targeted gamblers during the annual NCAA men’s basketball tournament and the college bowl season. The reversal is temporary, and the sportsbook manager remains banned from the property for a year under the equivalent of the NCAA’s “lack of institutional control” statute, but the judge ruled the Board did not have the authority to impose the penalties. Meanwhile, investigations continue into allegations that cocktail waitresses, slot-techs, and even keno-runners were also encouraged to participate in the illegal activities.
Your humble narrator correctly anticipated another big week by the ‘dogs (though certainly not the upsets) and went 12-7 on the fortnight (22-14, .611). And just fer da’ record, legal evidence included proof of an offer for “two short stacks of pancakes (with blueberry compote and whipped cream) topped with a pair of bacon strips at IHOP for any hit sending Vindy outta’ the sportsbook” if he was caught trying to place wagers based on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Protected this week by the Saints defense)
SAT. SEPT. 15
ARKANSAS (+20) over #1 Alabama: Wow! We’re familiar with “looking past” a team when a bigger game’s on da’ horizon, but…yikes! Actually, we attribute Hogs’ first regular-season SU demise outside their own division in over two-and-a-half seasons to the loss of QB Tyler Wilson. Working for Arkansas backers…Tide is just 16-10 ATS in SEC play the last three years and Western Kentucky held ‘Bama to 103 rushing yards just a week after Tide went for 232 vs. Michigan. (Props to the Hilltoppers, who’ve been ATS-machines, covering 11 of last 12, or were the Red Elephants playin’ possum?). The bad news?...Pigs yielded 412 passing yards (550 total!) in serious-upset loss to UL-Monroe. Bacon Strips were minus-two turnovers in 2011’s 38-14 defeat to ‘Bama. Tide is without #2 rusher and lead-blocker for the year…Tide 33 Pork Chops 19
#2 Southern Cal (-7 ½) over #21 STANFORD: Money’s been comin’ in hot-n-heavy on Stanford and again, we note USC’s been letting opponents stay in it (spread-wise, at least) too long. However, Stanford is young on the O-line and the strong running game we touted earlier in the season for the Cardinal hasn’t materialized nearly as much as we expected, averaging a pedestrian 123 ypg. That won’t cut it vs. most decent teams and the 40-point rout of Duke is tad deceiving if ya consider four turnovers by the Blue Devils. The doggie has taken the money the last four years and Trees haven’t gotten points at home since ’09 (resulting in an outright win over Oregon). Redbirds have won three straight in this series, including 56-48 game in 2011. If Troy is gonna’ prove itself worthy of the preseason hype, covering here would help…Trojans 34 Stanford 24
Idaho (+42) over #3 LSU: Tigers 41 Vandals 6
Tennessee Tech @ #4 OREGON: No line.
#5 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. Kansas State)
Wake Forest (+27) over #6 FLORIDA STATE: We end up with egg on our face every time we back the ‘Noles, but we salute them for takin’ care of bidness vs. two FCS squads to the tune of 124-3. Clemson is on-deck for State and the Deacs have actually taken three of last five SU vs. the Tribe. The Forest edged double-A Liberty before upsetting North Carolina. Wake’s been bad road dog. State busted Weeziana-Monroe and Charleston Southern, collectively 96-10, in 2011 before dropping three straight games, including 35-30 loss to these Demon Deacons… FSU 30 Wake Forest 20
Florida Atlantic (+42) over #7 GEORGIA: ‘Dawgs 42 FAU 6
Alabama-Birmingham (+33 ½) over #8 SOUTH CAROLINA: Poultry 37 UAB 10
James Madison @ #9 WEST VIRGINIA: No line.
#10 MICHIGAN STATE (-5) over #20 Notre Dame: QB Golson was effective enough throwing the ball in Catholics’ narrow win over Purdue, while State gave up Central Michigan’s only points in the waning half-minute on an INT-for-TD by the reserve quarterback in 41-7 romp. MSU is revenge-minded after last season’s 31-13 loss. Irish have covered 5 of last 8 vs. the Top 25, but won only two of ‘em outright. Spartans band has been instructed to fire-up Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” every time the Leprechauns get da’ ball…MSU 27 ND 19
Furman @ #11 CLEMSON: No line.
#12 OHIO STATE (-17) over California: Uh oh! Another 12-PACK/Big Tent-Peg match-up! At least the Buckeyes are hosting this one. Bears have given up 31 in each of their two previous games in 2012…winning one, losing one. Bears have covered 7 of last 8 getting double-digits on the road (though 1-1 in 2011). State comes in on 1-5 ATS skid, having combined with UCF for total of six turnovers in SU win (but spread loss) vs. the Golden Knights. QB Braxton Miller proved himself worthy of carrying the ground game as well, rushing for three touchdowns, drawing comparisons to former Buckeye QB Art Schlicter. Fans (and school officials) hope that’s where the similarities end, given Schlicter’s subsequent NFL bust and life of crime as a compulsive gambling felon… Buckeyes 38 Berkeley 16
#13 Virginia Tech (-10 ½) over PITTSBURGH: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Panthers, who change coaches like we change channels, are go-against until further notice. The instability of four head coaches in just over a year’s time has shown in opening two-score loss to the AA Penguins of Y-town State and a blow-out loss at Cincinnati, in which Pitt scored a meaningless TD with about 90 seconds left to play last Thursday. Pitt features a lot of seniors on offense, but not playin’ like it…Hokies 31 Pitt 10
#14 Texas (-10 ½) over MISSISSIPPI: Texas 35 Old Mist 17
#15 KANSAS STATE (-28 ½) over North Texas: KSU 48 Mean Green 17
KANSAS (+21) over #16 Texas Christian: Not much of gauge to-date for Texas Christian (just nine starters back), with only the 56-nada smoking of Grambling last week in the record book. TCU, an unimpressive away-fave, advances in conference-class (again), but faces arguably the remedial students of said-class. Jayhawks, now being directed by Charlie Weis, have won just a pair of Big 12 match-ups in the last 25 and allowed almost 44 ppg by opponents last season. Birds enter this one off one-point loss to Rice after beating FCS South Dakota State, 31-17 to open the year. Four Horny Toads gridiron players were caught in a drug-sting during the offseason. Considering a movement for random drug-testing at Oregon, perhaps some of the Ducks would consider transferring to…THC-U 34 Kansas 17
Massachusetts (+46) over #17 MICHIGAN: Michigan 51 UMass 9
#18 Florida (+3) over #23 TENNESSEE: The Florida passing game is still in first-gear, but Gators pulled out the win on the strength of the defense. Perhaps Coach Muschamp should let RB Gillislee carry the team this week as well. Vols are favored , but haven’t toppled the Crocs since 2004, losing each of the past three years by an average of a dozen points. Rocky Top is 2-0, having beaten NC State and AA Joja’ State decisively. Derek Dooley helped bring about Tennessee’s new athletic facility, which includes a mixed-martial arts octagon. Vindy’s spies say Dooley’s planning to teach his charges to choke-out opposing players in the pile after the whistle! (Just outta’ curiosity, for the Lord of the Rings fanatics, did anyone else out there see Gollum put Sam in a rear-naked choke early in “The Two Towers”???!!!)…Florida 19 Tennessee 17
#19 LOUISVILLE (-3 ½) over North Carolina: Cardinals 20 UNC 10
Houston (+17) over #22 UCLA: Best guess for “wish I had it back”. Air Keenum is gone and loss to (GASP!) Texas State (+36 ½) led to the resignation of Coogs’ OC. Houston put forth a much better in Week Two, but still lost SU/ATS to Weeziana Tech by a touchdown in a shootout. Improved Bruins squad beat Rice and piled up 653 yards of offense in 36-30 upset of Nebraska, behind RB Franklin’s 217 rushing yards, to go to 2-0 SU/ATS. UH won 38-34 last year. UCLA now 4-1 ATS as DD chalk the past three campaigns…Cubs 42 Coogs 34
SC State @ #24 ARIZONA: No line.
#25 Brigham Young (-4 ½) over UTAH: We watched the Utes’ quarterbacks get hurried, bruised and battered by the Aggies defense in Thursday night 27-20 upset loss to USU, and starter Jordan Wynn is now out for the season. Cougars opened with a pair of easy home wins over Wazzou and Weber State. Utes are 2-1 SU/ATS the past three years in this series, but embarrassed BYU 54-10 on the road last year. Both sides are deep, but we like Riley Nelson to lead BYU to the payback win and cover…BYU 24 Utah 17
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, if we can’t leave the resort under our own power, we’d prefer to exit the building strapped to the top of a hotdog cart!
As a follow-up to last week’s lead story, the Paterno family continues to adamantly deny Joe Pa was obsessed with the Masters of the Universe figure-collection found in his office alongside a 1970’s “Simon” game that only played the famous tone-sequence from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”!!! (We also have it on good authority that the bronze statue of the coaching legend, reportedly stashed in a safe hiding place on campus, was actually beamed-up by the Mothership and now shares an air-lock with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa!)
The AP ran a story last week about the exploits of Russian president Vladimir Putin as, among other things, a biker, diver and swimmer. OK, so he’s proven himself as a candidate for the next annual “X-Games”. We just really wanna’ see him snort half-a-pound of wasabi in the next “Jack-Ass” movie! (In all honestly, after the alma mater left 13 points via the kicking-game [four missed FGs and a blocked XP] in a one-point road loss to Virginia, we’d personally serve borscht and doff off our furry Ushanka hat to the Soviet leader if he could split the uprights from 20-35 yards away!) . Geez! Does Sebastian Janikowski or David Akers have any college-eligibility left???!!!
Back in February, Madonna (with Cirque du Soleil) did the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Too bad Tim Tebow and da’ Broncos didn’t make it. The Material Goal…uh…Girl…coulda’ open the show with “Like A Prayer”!
In the midst of the NY Giants’ Super Bowl victory parade, punter Steve Weatherford commandeered a drum from one of the marching band members and kept his own rhythm….then promptly kicked the percussion instrument outta’ bounds inside the Patriots’ 20-yard line!
In June, U.S. Olympic sprinter Justin Gatlin weighed-in on the tie for the Summer Games berth for women’s 100-meters between Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh, proposing the conundrum be decided via Jell-O or mud-wrestling match. We thought a sudden-death game of “quarters” or “beer-pong” was called-for!
Black Shirt: We hand out a whole box of tees this week to the Gators defense for holding A&M scoreless in the second-half, allowing Florida to rally for the win.
“Locked in a Box?”: Ironically, with all of Vindy’s good fortune picking games thus far, our preferred choices are now 0-2 (.000) as the Merit-Badgers fell outright to the Beavers!
Shoppe Talk: The Trojans of USC (0-2, .000) drop-by to keep West Virginia company, along with the Cowpokes of Oklahoma State (0-1, but now 3-11 in last 14 appearances in the picks!)
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 5-4 (.555)
Northern Illinois -3 over ARMY, Arizona State +6 ½ over MISSOURI, Virginia +10 ½ over JOJA’ TECH, Ohio -6 ½ over MARSHALL, Utah State +14 over WISCONSIN, Middle Tennessee State -3 ½ over MEMPHIS
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 2-2012
JOE PA REALLY “E.T.”?
STATE COLLEGE, Pennsylvania (REUTERS)… Hordes of other-worldly-life-forms aficionados, who normally congregate in places such as Roswell, New Mexico, descended upon Happy Valley this week following the WikiLeaks release of the 44 previously-protected pages from Joe Paterno’s FBI file, which suggested the Penn State legend was actually an alien-being infiltrating the human race. Under the Freedom of Information Act, the federal agency had recently revealed most of the content of the late-coach’s dossier, which basically outlined little more than threats made against the coach by unhappy parents. Visitors to the campus hoped to catch a small glimpse or clue about the college football icon’s extra-terrestrial existence. Other sections of the originally-redacted file indicated he was also a card-carrying Communist, Khloe Kardashian’s real father and a Chick-fil-A shareholder!
If you were scoring at home, you know Vindicator not only opened the season on the right side of the Thursday night Carolina-Vandy game, he also predicted the exact final score of that tilt en route to a 10-7 (.588) record for Week One! Vindy and his entourage were all prohibited from a boarding a flight on a major airline this past Saturday for sporting T-shirts printed with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Marginally cuter than Snooki’s baby!)
SAT. SEPT. 8
Western Kentucky (+40) over #1ALABAMA: ‘Bama 44 WKY 7
#2 Southern Cal (-26 ½) over Syracuse (@ Met Life Stadium, NY): In an act of arrogance (or maybe in response to a call from one of da’ Godfatha’s “buffas”), Trojans went fer two…twice…following very early 1st-half touchdowns…missing both and costing Vindy a forecast dubya!!! Nitwit Lion-defector RB Silas Redd hit the end zone on behalf of USC as well. We are seriously-conflicted about ‘dat! ‘Cuse on 0-6 SU/1-7 ATS skid going back to 2011, after suffering bad beat on late-hit penalty that extended Northwestern’s 4th Quarter game-winning drive to lose by 1. Scoring D is still a problem for Orange, who allowed 9 more ppg last year (28) than in the 2010 season and gave up 42 to the Wildcats. On da’ plus-side, ‘Cuse has scored more points in each of the last six seasons and gone 4-2 ATS vs. ranked foes the past three years, including upset shocker over then-#11 West Virginia last October. Snoopy says…USC 48 Orange 16
#3 LSU (-23 ½) over Washington: Bengals 41 Huskies 13
Fresno State (+34 ½) over #4 OREGON: Ducks 48 Fresno State 20
Florida A&M @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.
Savannah State @ #6 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
#7 Georgia (-3) over MISSOURI: Joja’ 24 Mizzou 20
Louisiana-Monroe (+30 ½) over #8 ARKANSAS: Defense is still the Achilles’ heel for Arkansas, who gave up 21 first-half points to FCS almost-Top 25 team Jacksonville State. ‘Bama drops-by next week and Pork Chops are just 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Fun Belt. Former Razorbacks coach Bobby Petrino got canned for more than 4300 texts and 300 calls to a mistress half his age. The whole Baylor program got three years’ probation for far fewer inappropriate contacts! BTW, rumor has it the Warhawks will emerge from the tunnel aboard motorcycles driven by their cheerleaders!...Pigs 37 UL-Monroe 13
#9 (tie) West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. James Madison)
East Carolina (+21 ½) over #9 (tie) SOUTH CAROLINA: The Chicken Nuggets were fortunate to leave Nashville with a dubya last week given the injury to QB Connor Shaw and an un-thrown pass interference flag that woulda’ put Vandy in position to close the gap to one, or even score the winning TD in the 4th Quarter. Pirates on are 5-2 ATS run, in third year under Coach Ruffin McNeill and have suffered thru two years-worth of turnovers that killed ‘em. Buckos get the nod….Gamehens 31 ECU 14
#11 Michigan State (-21) over CENTRAL MICHIGAN: MSU 34 CMU 9
#12 CLEMSON (-27 ½) over Ball State: Clemson 38 BSU 3
#13 Wisconsin (-7 ½) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This is a lotta’ love bein’ given to the Beavers and we think it’s a serious over-reaction to Wisky’s mere five-point victory over FCS club Northern Iowa. Heisman candidate Montee Ball rushed for a buck-thirty-two, but had no touchdowns. State brings back 15 young starters from injury-riddled 2011 season, which included a 35-0 loss at Camp Randall. Beavers’ scoring went down each of the past two years, while allowing more each year over the past five seasons. Badgers have failed to cover 6 of their last 8 games and are poor road faves, but should get it done here…Cheese-Heads 27 OSU 10
Central Florida (+17 ½) over #14 OHIO STATE: Could be the most intriguing match-up of the week. Like the Buckeyes, the Golden Knights will spend the offseason on their sofas courtesy of NCAA penalties (those sanctions are, however, being appealed). Both teams have good defenses and both hung more than a half-century on their respective opponents in the openers. UCF’s backfield includes transfers from Missouri (Blaine Gabbert’s little bro) and Miami. We give the dog a chance…OSU 23 UCF 17
Austin Peay @ #15 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.
#16 Nebraska (-5) over UCLA: Nebraska 30 Bruins 20
New Mexico (+38) over #17 TEXAS: Steers are the other club garnering a few of Vindy’s rubles as one of the medium-range odds teams to take home the crystal trophy. Sophomore David Ash is directing the traffic while the running game is in good shape, averaging 7 yards per carry, with two rushers over 100 yards each vs. Wyoming (which led 9-7 early). There was dancin’ in the streets of Santa Fe following Lobos’ 66-21 victory over FCS team Southern in Bob Davie’s debut at Head Coach. New Mexico matched its win total from a year ago (and equaled the yearly total for each of the past three seasons). Local readers may remember that 2011 win came vs. UNLV, as did Lobos previous season-starting win in 2005. Texas hasn’t beaten anybody by this many since early 2009…’Horns 42 UNM 10
#18 Oklahoma State (-13) over ARIZONA: Officials in Stillwater are still usin’ C-130 military transports to air-drop enough paper towels to pick up what’s left of Savannah State’s football team after the obscene 84-0 beat-down it got. Cowpokes employing freshmen (true or redshirt) at QB and while we don’t expect that kinda’ mismatch here, AZ’s OT win over Toledo…at home…gives us a good idea where the Wildcats’ first year under RichRod is gonna’ go. ‘Cats have covered just 5 of last 22 games overall. We considered this for “lock”…OKSU 38 AZ 20
Air Force (+21) over #19 MICHIGAN: A couple of gift-wrapped INTs put Michigan behind way too early to make a game of it vs. “Bama. Tide rushed at-will, but USAF’s backs and O-linemen won’t be nearly as big and we can just about count the number of Pilots’ returning starters on one hand . Nonetheless, nobody on Big Blue sideline has seen the option. Per the 6/25 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, Wolverines players underwent four hours of SEAL training alongside some actual Navy candidates. Demi Moore caught UM coaches’ attention at wide-receiver after telling a Wolverines’ cornerback to “suck…my…stick ‘em!!!”…Big Blue 24 Flyboys 13
Grambling State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#21 KANSAS STATE (-6 ½) over Miami: KSU 38 Hurricanes 27
Purdue (+14 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Irish 29 Boilers 17
Missouri State @ #23 LOUISVILLE: No line.
#24 Florida (+1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: Gators were sloppy vs. decent Bowling Green squad, piling up 14 flags. The multiple-quarterback system got the win for Florida, but not convincingly. The coaching decision to settle on Jeff Driskel at QB should help. Former TAMU starting QB Ryan Tannehill is now suiting up for the Dolphins. We don’t think the initial offensive problems for Florida and road-team status warrants making Aggies the chalk here. A&M hasn’t been a good bet vs. ranked opponents nor in lined openers, and since Weeziana Tech game got postponed due to Mother Nature, this becomes Aggies’ first live-fire contest. Gators can at least make a few adjustments following last week’s outing…Crocs 27 A&M 24
#25 STANFORD (-14) over Duke: Cardinal eked out just 280 yards of total offense while sustaining just one five-yard hankie and zero turnovers, so we gotta’ tip our helmet to San Josie State fer one helluva’ defensive effort. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com says Trees excel laying points following non-12-PACK game and Dukies suck after popping the scoreboard fer more than 35 (46 vs. Florida Int’l last week). Redbirds do host SoCal next week. Hud Mellencamp, son of John Mellencamp, walked-on and will play defensive back for the Blue Devils this season. Hud was home-schooled and did not play on the prep gridiron, taking up boxing instead. Will tackles “Hurt So Good”? Will pre-game speeches in Durham include “Nobody comes into our ‘little pink houses’ and pushes us around!”??? “Hud”, of course, either stands for “Housing & Urban Development” or…“Halfback Under Duress”!...Birds 31 Devils 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, further examination of Joe Pa’s file yielded information that he was also once turned down for a spot as a judge on American Idol. (And the whole “alien” thing would certainly explain the poor win-loss records during the Lions’ leaner years!). A few more thoughts on this topic next week!
Tunes besides Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” now off the Beaver Stadium playlist due to (cough!) “normal rotation”: MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Ernie’s Sesame Street classic…”Rubber Duckie”!!!!!
Chalk a few up for the little guys: Eastern Washington 20-3 over Idaho, McNeese St 27-21 over Middle Tennessee St, Tennessee-Martin 20-17 over Memphis and Texas State 30-13 over Houston. Also in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!” category: Maryland 7-6 over William & Mary, Wake Forest 20-17 over Liberty, Indiana 24-17 over Indiana St and Wisconsin 26-21 over Northern Iowa! (We do note, however, that EWU, Indy State and Northern Iowa were all in the FCS Top 25 last week! Liberty showed up at #27, W&M at #35 and McNeese St got a single vote at #48.)
Along the same lines…the best team in Pennsylvania last week was…Temple???!! The alma mater fell 24-14 to Ohio and Pitt was beaten 31-17 by AA-squad Youngstown State. The Owls, however, managed to pound AA Villanova 41-10.
With regular officiating crews sidelined by the NFL via lock-out, replacement refs will be calling games, including females. Can’t wait to hear the first coach say they “lost the game to the folks in the striped skirts!” Or at least to the “zee-bras!” Hell hath no fury like a woman-referee scorned!
Can anybody else out there envision seeing Peyton Manning, especially given his new team this season, at the line of scrimmage…going thru his usual pre-snap gyrations, barking audibles…inter-spliced with shots of backs and receivers grabbing their uniforms to prominently display their jersey-digits…in-between clips of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell bobbing their heads and rotating in unison a la the Night at the Roxbury (“What is Love?”) SNL skit in a music-video mash-up with Carly Rae Jepsen’s current hit “Call Me Maybe”???!!! (Or for those who know a certain former co-worker of your humble host…”Call me, Mabry!?”).
In July, we learned the USOC allowed Team USA garb to be “made in China”! That’s like Buckeyes players suiting-up in unis “made in Meeeeeshigan”!!!! The good news???!!! The outfits, designed by American Ralph Lauren, were sewn in world-record time by Chinese kids…six-and-under!!!! After that revelation, there was a call to burn those duds. What really hurt, though, was the suggestion that copies of Vindy’s Picks be used as kindling!!!!!
Immediately following disclosure of Prince Harry’s Vegas adventures last month, the Queen Mum petitioned the IOC to make strip-billiards an official Olympic medal-sport!
Black Shirt: The initial highly-coveted ebony-tee for the best performance, or “performance”, aiding Vindy’s cause, of the 2012 season goes to…the officiating crew-member that missed the pass interference penalty by a South Carolina defender in the 4th quarter of the Vandy game, allowing our narrator to hit the exact final score!
“Locked in a Box?”: We open the year a disappointing 0-1 on Lock of Da’ Week picks as the Stanford Cardinal, laying almost four scores, needed a late FG to edge San Jose State!
Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears of West Virginia (0-1, .000) officially open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this year, posting their 9th forecast “L” in their last dozen appearances in da’ Picks!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 3-2 (.600)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Idaho, Toledo +3 ½ over WYOMING, Iowa State +3 over IOWA, Vanderbilt -3 ½ over NORTHWESTERN
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the Oval Office to knock a few back with the Commander-in-Chief! (“Honey Beerer don’t care???!!”)
STATE COLLEGE, Pennsylvania (REUTERS)… Hordes of other-worldly-life-forms aficionados, who normally congregate in places such as Roswell, New Mexico, descended upon Happy Valley this week following the WikiLeaks release of the 44 previously-protected pages from Joe Paterno’s FBI file, which suggested the Penn State legend was actually an alien-being infiltrating the human race. Under the Freedom of Information Act, the federal agency had recently revealed most of the content of the late-coach’s dossier, which basically outlined little more than threats made against the coach by unhappy parents. Visitors to the campus hoped to catch a small glimpse or clue about the college football icon’s extra-terrestrial existence. Other sections of the originally-redacted file indicated he was also a card-carrying Communist, Khloe Kardashian’s real father and a Chick-fil-A shareholder!
If you were scoring at home, you know Vindicator not only opened the season on the right side of the Thursday night Carolina-Vandy game, he also predicted the exact final score of that tilt en route to a 10-7 (.588) record for Week One! Vindy and his entourage were all prohibited from a boarding a flight on a major airline this past Saturday for sporting T-shirts printed with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Marginally cuter than Snooki’s baby!)
SAT. SEPT. 8
Western Kentucky (+40) over #1ALABAMA: ‘Bama 44 WKY 7
#2 Southern Cal (-26 ½) over Syracuse (@ Met Life Stadium, NY): In an act of arrogance (or maybe in response to a call from one of da’ Godfatha’s “buffas”), Trojans went fer two…twice…following very early 1st-half touchdowns…missing both and costing Vindy a forecast dubya!!! Nitwit Lion-defector RB Silas Redd hit the end zone on behalf of USC as well. We are seriously-conflicted about ‘dat! ‘Cuse on 0-6 SU/1-7 ATS skid going back to 2011, after suffering bad beat on late-hit penalty that extended Northwestern’s 4th Quarter game-winning drive to lose by 1. Scoring D is still a problem for Orange, who allowed 9 more ppg last year (28) than in the 2010 season and gave up 42 to the Wildcats. On da’ plus-side, ‘Cuse has scored more points in each of the last six seasons and gone 4-2 ATS vs. ranked foes the past three years, including upset shocker over then-#11 West Virginia last October. Snoopy says…USC 48 Orange 16
#3 LSU (-23 ½) over Washington: Bengals 41 Huskies 13
Fresno State (+34 ½) over #4 OREGON: Ducks 48 Fresno State 20
Florida A&M @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.
Savannah State @ #6 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
#7 Georgia (-3) over MISSOURI: Joja’ 24 Mizzou 20
Louisiana-Monroe (+30 ½) over #8 ARKANSAS: Defense is still the Achilles’ heel for Arkansas, who gave up 21 first-half points to FCS almost-Top 25 team Jacksonville State. ‘Bama drops-by next week and Pork Chops are just 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Fun Belt. Former Razorbacks coach Bobby Petrino got canned for more than 4300 texts and 300 calls to a mistress half his age. The whole Baylor program got three years’ probation for far fewer inappropriate contacts! BTW, rumor has it the Warhawks will emerge from the tunnel aboard motorcycles driven by their cheerleaders!...Pigs 37 UL-Monroe 13
#9 (tie) West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. James Madison)
East Carolina (+21 ½) over #9 (tie) SOUTH CAROLINA: The Chicken Nuggets were fortunate to leave Nashville with a dubya last week given the injury to QB Connor Shaw and an un-thrown pass interference flag that woulda’ put Vandy in position to close the gap to one, or even score the winning TD in the 4th Quarter. Pirates on are 5-2 ATS run, in third year under Coach Ruffin McNeill and have suffered thru two years-worth of turnovers that killed ‘em. Buckos get the nod….Gamehens 31 ECU 14
#11 Michigan State (-21) over CENTRAL MICHIGAN: MSU 34 CMU 9
#12 CLEMSON (-27 ½) over Ball State: Clemson 38 BSU 3
#13 Wisconsin (-7 ½) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This is a lotta’ love bein’ given to the Beavers and we think it’s a serious over-reaction to Wisky’s mere five-point victory over FCS club Northern Iowa. Heisman candidate Montee Ball rushed for a buck-thirty-two, but had no touchdowns. State brings back 15 young starters from injury-riddled 2011 season, which included a 35-0 loss at Camp Randall. Beavers’ scoring went down each of the past two years, while allowing more each year over the past five seasons. Badgers have failed to cover 6 of their last 8 games and are poor road faves, but should get it done here…Cheese-Heads 27 OSU 10
Central Florida (+17 ½) over #14 OHIO STATE: Could be the most intriguing match-up of the week. Like the Buckeyes, the Golden Knights will spend the offseason on their sofas courtesy of NCAA penalties (those sanctions are, however, being appealed). Both teams have good defenses and both hung more than a half-century on their respective opponents in the openers. UCF’s backfield includes transfers from Missouri (Blaine Gabbert’s little bro) and Miami. We give the dog a chance…OSU 23 UCF 17
Austin Peay @ #15 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.
#16 Nebraska (-5) over UCLA: Nebraska 30 Bruins 20
New Mexico (+38) over #17 TEXAS: Steers are the other club garnering a few of Vindy’s rubles as one of the medium-range odds teams to take home the crystal trophy. Sophomore David Ash is directing the traffic while the running game is in good shape, averaging 7 yards per carry, with two rushers over 100 yards each vs. Wyoming (which led 9-7 early). There was dancin’ in the streets of Santa Fe following Lobos’ 66-21 victory over FCS team Southern in Bob Davie’s debut at Head Coach. New Mexico matched its win total from a year ago (and equaled the yearly total for each of the past three seasons). Local readers may remember that 2011 win came vs. UNLV, as did Lobos previous season-starting win in 2005. Texas hasn’t beaten anybody by this many since early 2009…’Horns 42 UNM 10
#18 Oklahoma State (-13) over ARIZONA: Officials in Stillwater are still usin’ C-130 military transports to air-drop enough paper towels to pick up what’s left of Savannah State’s football team after the obscene 84-0 beat-down it got. Cowpokes employing freshmen (true or redshirt) at QB and while we don’t expect that kinda’ mismatch here, AZ’s OT win over Toledo…at home…gives us a good idea where the Wildcats’ first year under RichRod is gonna’ go. ‘Cats have covered just 5 of last 22 games overall. We considered this for “lock”…OKSU 38 AZ 20
Air Force (+21) over #19 MICHIGAN: A couple of gift-wrapped INTs put Michigan behind way too early to make a game of it vs. “Bama. Tide rushed at-will, but USAF’s backs and O-linemen won’t be nearly as big and we can just about count the number of Pilots’ returning starters on one hand . Nonetheless, nobody on Big Blue sideline has seen the option. Per the 6/25 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, Wolverines players underwent four hours of SEAL training alongside some actual Navy candidates. Demi Moore caught UM coaches’ attention at wide-receiver after telling a Wolverines’ cornerback to “suck…my…stick ‘em!!!”…Big Blue 24 Flyboys 13
Grambling State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#21 KANSAS STATE (-6 ½) over Miami: KSU 38 Hurricanes 27
Purdue (+14 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Irish 29 Boilers 17
Missouri State @ #23 LOUISVILLE: No line.
#24 Florida (+1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: Gators were sloppy vs. decent Bowling Green squad, piling up 14 flags. The multiple-quarterback system got the win for Florida, but not convincingly. The coaching decision to settle on Jeff Driskel at QB should help. Former TAMU starting QB Ryan Tannehill is now suiting up for the Dolphins. We don’t think the initial offensive problems for Florida and road-team status warrants making Aggies the chalk here. A&M hasn’t been a good bet vs. ranked opponents nor in lined openers, and since Weeziana Tech game got postponed due to Mother Nature, this becomes Aggies’ first live-fire contest. Gators can at least make a few adjustments following last week’s outing…Crocs 27 A&M 24
#25 STANFORD (-14) over Duke: Cardinal eked out just 280 yards of total offense while sustaining just one five-yard hankie and zero turnovers, so we gotta’ tip our helmet to San Josie State fer one helluva’ defensive effort. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com says Trees excel laying points following non-12-PACK game and Dukies suck after popping the scoreboard fer more than 35 (46 vs. Florida Int’l last week). Redbirds do host SoCal next week. Hud Mellencamp, son of John Mellencamp, walked-on and will play defensive back for the Blue Devils this season. Hud was home-schooled and did not play on the prep gridiron, taking up boxing instead. Will tackles “Hurt So Good”? Will pre-game speeches in Durham include “Nobody comes into our ‘little pink houses’ and pushes us around!”??? “Hud”, of course, either stands for “Housing & Urban Development” or…“Halfback Under Duress”!...Birds 31 Devils 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, further examination of Joe Pa’s file yielded information that he was also once turned down for a spot as a judge on American Idol. (And the whole “alien” thing would certainly explain the poor win-loss records during the Lions’ leaner years!). A few more thoughts on this topic next week!
Tunes besides Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” now off the Beaver Stadium playlist due to (cough!) “normal rotation”: MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Ernie’s Sesame Street classic…”Rubber Duckie”!!!!!
Chalk a few up for the little guys: Eastern Washington 20-3 over Idaho, McNeese St 27-21 over Middle Tennessee St, Tennessee-Martin 20-17 over Memphis and Texas State 30-13 over Houston. Also in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!” category: Maryland 7-6 over William & Mary, Wake Forest 20-17 over Liberty, Indiana 24-17 over Indiana St and Wisconsin 26-21 over Northern Iowa! (We do note, however, that EWU, Indy State and Northern Iowa were all in the FCS Top 25 last week! Liberty showed up at #27, W&M at #35 and McNeese St got a single vote at #48.)
Along the same lines…the best team in Pennsylvania last week was…Temple???!! The alma mater fell 24-14 to Ohio and Pitt was beaten 31-17 by AA-squad Youngstown State. The Owls, however, managed to pound AA Villanova 41-10.
With regular officiating crews sidelined by the NFL via lock-out, replacement refs will be calling games, including females. Can’t wait to hear the first coach say they “lost the game to the folks in the striped skirts!” Or at least to the “zee-bras!” Hell hath no fury like a woman-referee scorned!
Can anybody else out there envision seeing Peyton Manning, especially given his new team this season, at the line of scrimmage…going thru his usual pre-snap gyrations, barking audibles…inter-spliced with shots of backs and receivers grabbing their uniforms to prominently display their jersey-digits…in-between clips of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell bobbing their heads and rotating in unison a la the Night at the Roxbury (“What is Love?”) SNL skit in a music-video mash-up with Carly Rae Jepsen’s current hit “Call Me Maybe”???!!! (Or for those who know a certain former co-worker of your humble host…”Call me, Mabry!?”).
In July, we learned the USOC allowed Team USA garb to be “made in China”! That’s like Buckeyes players suiting-up in unis “made in Meeeeeshigan”!!!! The good news???!!! The outfits, designed by American Ralph Lauren, were sewn in world-record time by Chinese kids…six-and-under!!!! After that revelation, there was a call to burn those duds. What really hurt, though, was the suggestion that copies of Vindy’s Picks be used as kindling!!!!!
Immediately following disclosure of Prince Harry’s Vegas adventures last month, the Queen Mum petitioned the IOC to make strip-billiards an official Olympic medal-sport!
Black Shirt: The initial highly-coveted ebony-tee for the best performance, or “performance”, aiding Vindy’s cause, of the 2012 season goes to…the officiating crew-member that missed the pass interference penalty by a South Carolina defender in the 4th quarter of the Vandy game, allowing our narrator to hit the exact final score!
“Locked in a Box?”: We open the year a disappointing 0-1 on Lock of Da’ Week picks as the Stanford Cardinal, laying almost four scores, needed a late FG to edge San Jose State!
Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears of West Virginia (0-1, .000) officially open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this year, posting their 9th forecast “L” in their last dozen appearances in da’ Picks!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 3-2 (.600)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Idaho, Toledo +3 ½ over WYOMING, Iowa State +3 over IOWA, Vanderbilt -3 ½ over NORTHWESTERN
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the Oval Office to knock a few back with the Commander-in-Chief! (“Honey Beerer don’t care???!!”)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 1-2012
WORLD’S FASTEST MAN TO PLAY FOR SEC…BRIEFLY
ARLINGTON, Texas (CNN)…A preseason guarantee of a Super Bowl victory or a National Championship is one thing. Claiming you can defeat a world-class sprinter in the 40-yard dash is something else entirely. Nonetheless, boisterous Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson recently did just that. In response, Olympian speedster Usain Bolt, in conjunction with Alabama, has received permission from the NCAA to represent the Crimson Tide for one play during the season-opener for both teams. The officiating crew will forgo the traditional coin-toss and will instead invoke a modified version of a rule from the XFL, in which Robinson and Bolt will line-up 40 yards deep on either side of the ball and race to midfield. The individual getting there first and securing the pigskin will have the choice to receive or defer until the second half. Always happy to mug for the camera, even his own, the Jamaican native and multi-time gold-medalist channeled a decades-old tourism ad for his island nation, quipping, “Make it Alahbahma, make it ‘cher home!” then struck the Heisman Trophy pose!
After an offseason spent throwing badminton matches to manipulate pairings in an effort to set-up an all-Madagascar women’s gold-medal final, Vindicator breaks da’ huddle with his 2012 Pre-Season Forecasting Strategy Team of… 2012 Miss America Laura Kaeppeler, “Jake… from State Farm” (BTW…she’s “hideous”), M.I.A., sports arbitrator Shyam Das; We Go, the Bud Light rescue-dog; Sandra Fluke, Saints assistant coach Gregg Williams, former space scientist Stewart Nozette, former JetBlue pilot Clayton Osbon, Razorbacks’ mistress Jessica Dorrell, the Secret Service-Columbia Detail, the Stub-Hub Ticket-Oak, papal butler Paolo Gabriele, “Magic Mike”, G4S chief Nick Buckles, bullied NY bus monitor Karen Klein, and “Flying Squirrel” Gabby Douglas to reveal…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Still better than having “a grandson with a dog-collar”)
THURS. AUG. 30 VANDERBILT(+7) over #9 South Carolina: Gamecocks return offensive-stalwarts Connor Shaw at QB and RB Marcus Lattimore, who went down to injury last season, but the Commodores made nice strides on both sides of the ball and got to the postseason under now-second-year head coach James Franklin. Vandy boasts Packers’ Aaron Rodgers’ younger sib, Jordan, under center, four straight season-opening covers (though not vs. the caliber of Carolina) and a straight-up record showing five of last seven outright defeats by 7 or less. Could be an upset, but we’ll conservatively say the Ol’ Ball Coach finds a way to grab a close win on the road…Poultry 17 Admirals 13
FRI. AUG. 31 #24 Boise State (+7) over #13 MICHIGAN STATE: Broncos ain’t been doggies since September 2008, when they toppled Oregon…getting double-digits…on da’ Pond!! First true road game to open a season for Boise since 2005. It also occurs under the “Blue moon”, which happens to be the frequency with which Boise hangs a game in the loss column! Key components on offense, Kellen Moore and Doug Martin, have left the building. Nonetheless, we have to assume program-success has enabled Chris Petersen to recruit quality players. Spartans, off an 11-win (SU) campaign, get new faces on offense, but return most of the starting D and have a boatload of lettermen. MSU has been a crapshoot vs. non-Big Tenuous squads and fields a new triggerman following Kirk Cousins departure. Best guess here might be the “under”…Sparta 19 Boise 17
#21 STANFORD (-25 ½) over San Jose State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Spartans showed promise last season, going 5-7 SU on heels of 3-22 tally over the previous two years, but San Josie had 18 starters back for that journey and have just 11 this time around. Cardinal enters the Luck-less era, but still boasts monster ground game. Look for the Spartans to improve in conference play, but Stanford waxed ‘em 57-3 in 2011 and they’re still simply out-gunned here…Trees 42 SJSU 7
SAT. SEPT. 1 #1 USC (-39 ½) over Hawaii: ‘Bows, under new coach Norm Chow, get a tough start at the Coliseum against a Trojans squad that has shed the probation shackles. Troy hasn’t been a great September team though, barely squeaking past Minnesota 19-17 last year and letting these same Warriors hang around in a shootout two seasons ago, both spread-losses. The starting line-up looks good, but USC could be a few injuries away from “uh-oh!”. UH enters the campaign with a new QB and very few returnees on defense…USC 54 UH 14
#8 Michigan (+12 ½) over #2 Alabama (@ Jerry’s World, TX): Only LSU, in its first iteration vs. ‘Bama, stayed closer than 16 points to the Tide at the final gun last year and ‘Bama will just re-load on defense after significant losses to the NFL. Wolverines have been good bet as a non-conference dog, but the last SEC opponent they faced, Mississippi State in 2010, blasted Big Blue to the tune of 52-14. UM may be playing with a handicap in the backfield as starting RB Fitzgerald Toussaint could sit out following an offseason drunk-driving incident. Tide has a new OC and not much time for the new D to gel, maybe giving Denard Robinson an opportunity to dent the scoreboard enough…Elephants 20 Big Blue 13
#3 LSU (-43) over North Texas: With five outright victories last year under new coach Dan McCarney, Mean Green had one fewer total wins than it had in the previous four seasons combined. North Texas has covered four straight vs. BCS opponents, including the 41-0 loss at ‘Bama in 2011. Tigers should flex some muscle to open the year after the offense was a no-show in the national title game, but they’ll do so without Tyrann Mathieu, who was asked to take his skills elsewhere after reportedly showing up hot on a drug test. Honey Badger don’t play, but we’ll call it…LSU 51 North Texas 3
#4 Oklahoma (-31) over TEXAS-EL PASO: Sooners 42 UTEP 6
Arkansas State (+35 ½) over #5 OREGON: Mallards 51 ASU 20
#6 GEORGIA (-37 ½) over Buffalo: Joja’ 45 Buffalo 0
Murray State @ #7 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Jacksonville State @ #10 ARKANSAS: No line.
Marshall (+24 ½) over #11 WEST VIRGINIA: Mountaineers 34 Herd 17
Northern Iowa @ #12 WISCONSIN: No line.
#14 Clemson (-3) over Auburn (@ Atlanta, GA): The ACC’s top air game in 2011 will be minus top-receiver Sammy Watkins for two games in wake of yet-another offseason drug arrest. Clemson carries 1-5 ATS skid into this year and has not been good when the final margin is under 7, nor facing non-ACC teams. Aubie not good in non-conference games or when games are close either, but does benefit from having 16 starters back after having just six last year. Auburn is, however, young on the O-line and will be without its suspended starting center. Clemson would like to get the taste out of its mouth of the 70-33 loss it suffered in the bowl vs. West Virginia. CU is one of two semi-longshot teams that got some of Vindy’s pesos to win the 2013 BCS Title game…Clemson 27 War Eagle 20 Wyoming (+29) over #15 TEXAS: Steers 34 Cowboys 10
#17 NEBRASKA (-20) over Southern Miss: Corn Cobs 40 Eagles 19 (Best guess for “Wish I Had it Back” pick)
#18 OHIO STATE (-22 ½) over Miami-Ohio: The problems in State College, PA make the “jerseys for jalopies” scandal in Columbus look like playground shenanigans. However, the Buckeyes will sit-out the upcoming post-season as the result of subsequent minor rules violations. Redhawks have upped their scoring by 12 ppg from three years ago and covered four of last nine tilts facing BCS clubs, including 17-6 loss to Missouri this time last season, but were throttled by same bunch of Tigers in 2010 and have been belted by the likes of Big Least’s Cincinnati since 2009. State coming off its first ATS losing season since 2003, as the scoring D regressed a full TD per game and the offense slipping 15 ppg. New coach Urban Meyer won’t tolerate that….OSU 39 Miami-Oh, My 13
Savannah State @ #19 OKLAHOMA STATE: No line. #20 TCU: IDLE (next vs. Grambling State)
Missouri State @ #22 KANSAS STATE: No line.
Bowling Green (+29) over #23 FLORIDA: Gators 34 Bee Gees 10
SUN. SEPT. 2 #25 LOUISVILLE (-14) over Kentucky: ‘Cats are in third year under Joker Phillips but took major losses to the D, which lowered points-against last year by 3 ppg. The KY offense has nowhere to go but up after dropping production by 15 points a contest, despite a mere 24-17 loss to Da’ Ville. Cards are the fave to grab the Big Least crown, have covered 10 of last 14 lined games and haven’t been ranked since early 2007. Louisville must, however, do a better job of keeping the QB clean, yielding 41 sacks last season, and is still young on that side of the ball… Louisville 29 KY 10
MON. SEPT. 3 Georgia Tech (+7) over #16 VIRGINIA TECH: Another very early conference pairing. Bees have been lousy 4-10-2 ATS in ACC play the past two seasons, but are getting some early voter love, standing just a few spots outside the rankings themselves, and return a veteran offensive line, as well as senior QB Washington. ‘Jackets had covered three straight years vs. the Hokies until 2011’s 36-27 defeat. While the passing game gets little more than a moment of prayer by Joja’ Tech, 5 of the 13 sacks allowed last year came against VT. Hokies didn’t cover well in conference last season either and bring back just 3 on offense, while fielding 9 of last year’s defensive regulars. As always, Ramblin’ Wreck will use one of the country’s best ground games to chew-up the clock, so “under” the total might be best wager, but we think the Hive can stay close too as both offenses struggle early…VT 19 GT 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, in order to give Robinson a puncher’s chance, he will run in nothing more than shorts and a T-shirt, while Bolt will don pads and helmet, a deployed drag-chute and a harness attached a tire!
With our place in Hell for the afterlife already secured long-before this offseason, we’ll comment here on the recently-revealed scandal that has shaken the foundations of the alma mater then move on…we are saddened for the victims and their families, as well as for the innocent parties at the school and in the community who will pay a high-price for something in which they were not involved after, apparently, at least one individual in then-Happy Valley put a little too much stock in the federal education program known as…No Child’s Behind Left.
And now back to our regularly-scheduled programming… A couple seasons ago, we noted that from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the Top 10 of the final AP that year. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so and in 2010, only Stanford did so. 2011 saw no qualifiers (honorable mention, however, to Michigan, which made the jump from #38 preseason to #12 in the final poll. (Kudos to Northern Illinois for jumping 13 spots from #41 to #28). We’re still not convinced that AP voters got smarter, so…your mission…should ya choose to accept it…is to figure out which squad(s) will surprise in a big way!
The folks at Wunderdog Sports Picks noted that teams winning 8 or more games the previous year and opening the subsequent season layin’ points on the road cover the line at about 59% or a little shy of 6 outta’ 10 (99-69). Four squads fit the criteria this week…South Carolina (won 11 SU in 2011, -7 at Vandy), Oklahoma (won 10, -31 at UTEP), Rutgers (won 9, -20 at Tulane) and Tulsa (won 8, -1 ½ at Iowa State). You have our choices on three of da’ four (see “best bets” below).
Aforementioned Commodores head coach James Franklin was kidding (?) when he quipped that he doesn’t hire assistants without first sneaking a peek at their wives to determine if they look like “D1 recruits”! We’re guessin’ potential scholarship-players’ girlfriends get the once-over as well!
Vindy read his fortune-cookie today, which revealed his “lucky numbers” as: 6, 17, 29, 40, 38 and 48. Ironically, these correspond to the Boise State Broncos’ expected margins-of-victory through their first six games of the Mountain West conference season!
This Spring, The Ohio State University copped to nearly fitty minor violations across 21 sports in the 12 months after Jim Tressel waved good-bye to the school. Among the noted boo-boos…gridiron assistant coach Mike Vrabel usin’ chaw on the sidelines and the women’s hockey squad layin’ out….GASP!...four more Washingtons than allowed to buy five framed jerseys! The horror…the horror!
Local Sin City officials are contemplating a name-change for McCarran Airport. We think “Vindicator International Plane-Lot and Sportsbook” has a nice ring to it, don’t you????!!!!
When you watch cable, you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions. When you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions, you make bets on those choices with your bookie. When you make bets on those choices with your bookie, you get your clock cleaned. When you get your clock cleaned, you decide to randomly-select your own wagers. When you decide randomly-select your own wagers, you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded. When you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded, you miss the betting board. When you miss the betting board, you accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Don’t accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Get rid of cable. Upgrade to Vindy’s Picks.
Shoppe Talk: We’ll devote our attention to better results from 2011 season “flame-throwers”: Virginia Tech (2-11 in 2011 [including post-season], Michigan State (2-8) and West Virginia (3-8). And the following “watch” teams are on notice: Oklahoma State (3-10), Clemson (3-8), Texas A&M (3-8 [who was somehow missed by our statistician last year]), Ohio State (2-7), Joja Teck (2-7) and Wisconsin (4-9)!
Vindy’s Week 1 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-0 Last Season: 36-34-1 (.514, including da’ bowls)
Unlv +8 ½ over MINNESOTA, Navy +16 ½ over #Notre Dame (@ Dublin), OHIO +6 over Penn State, Rutgers -20 over TULANE, Northern Illinois +10 over Iowa (@ Chicago)
On-deck…more Olympics, additional off-season silliness and a few thoughts as we welcome… the NFL!!!
ARLINGTON, Texas (CNN)…A preseason guarantee of a Super Bowl victory or a National Championship is one thing. Claiming you can defeat a world-class sprinter in the 40-yard dash is something else entirely. Nonetheless, boisterous Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson recently did just that. In response, Olympian speedster Usain Bolt, in conjunction with Alabama, has received permission from the NCAA to represent the Crimson Tide for one play during the season-opener for both teams. The officiating crew will forgo the traditional coin-toss and will instead invoke a modified version of a rule from the XFL, in which Robinson and Bolt will line-up 40 yards deep on either side of the ball and race to midfield. The individual getting there first and securing the pigskin will have the choice to receive or defer until the second half. Always happy to mug for the camera, even his own, the Jamaican native and multi-time gold-medalist channeled a decades-old tourism ad for his island nation, quipping, “Make it Alahbahma, make it ‘cher home!” then struck the Heisman Trophy pose!
After an offseason spent throwing badminton matches to manipulate pairings in an effort to set-up an all-Madagascar women’s gold-medal final, Vindicator breaks da’ huddle with his 2012 Pre-Season Forecasting Strategy Team of… 2012 Miss America Laura Kaeppeler, “Jake… from State Farm” (BTW…she’s “hideous”), M.I.A., sports arbitrator Shyam Das; We Go, the Bud Light rescue-dog; Sandra Fluke, Saints assistant coach Gregg Williams, former space scientist Stewart Nozette, former JetBlue pilot Clayton Osbon, Razorbacks’ mistress Jessica Dorrell, the Secret Service-Columbia Detail, the Stub-Hub Ticket-Oak, papal butler Paolo Gabriele, “Magic Mike”, G4S chief Nick Buckles, bullied NY bus monitor Karen Klein, and “Flying Squirrel” Gabby Douglas to reveal…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Still better than having “a grandson with a dog-collar”)
THURS. AUG. 30 VANDERBILT(+7) over #9 South Carolina: Gamecocks return offensive-stalwarts Connor Shaw at QB and RB Marcus Lattimore, who went down to injury last season, but the Commodores made nice strides on both sides of the ball and got to the postseason under now-second-year head coach James Franklin. Vandy boasts Packers’ Aaron Rodgers’ younger sib, Jordan, under center, four straight season-opening covers (though not vs. the caliber of Carolina) and a straight-up record showing five of last seven outright defeats by 7 or less. Could be an upset, but we’ll conservatively say the Ol’ Ball Coach finds a way to grab a close win on the road…Poultry 17 Admirals 13
FRI. AUG. 31 #24 Boise State (+7) over #13 MICHIGAN STATE: Broncos ain’t been doggies since September 2008, when they toppled Oregon…getting double-digits…on da’ Pond!! First true road game to open a season for Boise since 2005. It also occurs under the “Blue moon”, which happens to be the frequency with which Boise hangs a game in the loss column! Key components on offense, Kellen Moore and Doug Martin, have left the building. Nonetheless, we have to assume program-success has enabled Chris Petersen to recruit quality players. Spartans, off an 11-win (SU) campaign, get new faces on offense, but return most of the starting D and have a boatload of lettermen. MSU has been a crapshoot vs. non-Big Tenuous squads and fields a new triggerman following Kirk Cousins departure. Best guess here might be the “under”…Sparta 19 Boise 17
#21 STANFORD (-25 ½) over San Jose State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Spartans showed promise last season, going 5-7 SU on heels of 3-22 tally over the previous two years, but San Josie had 18 starters back for that journey and have just 11 this time around. Cardinal enters the Luck-less era, but still boasts monster ground game. Look for the Spartans to improve in conference play, but Stanford waxed ‘em 57-3 in 2011 and they’re still simply out-gunned here…Trees 42 SJSU 7
SAT. SEPT. 1 #1 USC (-39 ½) over Hawaii: ‘Bows, under new coach Norm Chow, get a tough start at the Coliseum against a Trojans squad that has shed the probation shackles. Troy hasn’t been a great September team though, barely squeaking past Minnesota 19-17 last year and letting these same Warriors hang around in a shootout two seasons ago, both spread-losses. The starting line-up looks good, but USC could be a few injuries away from “uh-oh!”. UH enters the campaign with a new QB and very few returnees on defense…USC 54 UH 14
#8 Michigan (+12 ½) over #2 Alabama (@ Jerry’s World, TX): Only LSU, in its first iteration vs. ‘Bama, stayed closer than 16 points to the Tide at the final gun last year and ‘Bama will just re-load on defense after significant losses to the NFL. Wolverines have been good bet as a non-conference dog, but the last SEC opponent they faced, Mississippi State in 2010, blasted Big Blue to the tune of 52-14. UM may be playing with a handicap in the backfield as starting RB Fitzgerald Toussaint could sit out following an offseason drunk-driving incident. Tide has a new OC and not much time for the new D to gel, maybe giving Denard Robinson an opportunity to dent the scoreboard enough…Elephants 20 Big Blue 13
#3 LSU (-43) over North Texas: With five outright victories last year under new coach Dan McCarney, Mean Green had one fewer total wins than it had in the previous four seasons combined. North Texas has covered four straight vs. BCS opponents, including the 41-0 loss at ‘Bama in 2011. Tigers should flex some muscle to open the year after the offense was a no-show in the national title game, but they’ll do so without Tyrann Mathieu, who was asked to take his skills elsewhere after reportedly showing up hot on a drug test. Honey Badger don’t play, but we’ll call it…LSU 51 North Texas 3
#4 Oklahoma (-31) over TEXAS-EL PASO: Sooners 42 UTEP 6
Arkansas State (+35 ½) over #5 OREGON: Mallards 51 ASU 20
#6 GEORGIA (-37 ½) over Buffalo: Joja’ 45 Buffalo 0
Murray State @ #7 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Jacksonville State @ #10 ARKANSAS: No line.
Marshall (+24 ½) over #11 WEST VIRGINIA: Mountaineers 34 Herd 17
Northern Iowa @ #12 WISCONSIN: No line.
#14 Clemson (-3) over Auburn (@ Atlanta, GA): The ACC’s top air game in 2011 will be minus top-receiver Sammy Watkins for two games in wake of yet-another offseason drug arrest. Clemson carries 1-5 ATS skid into this year and has not been good when the final margin is under 7, nor facing non-ACC teams. Aubie not good in non-conference games or when games are close either, but does benefit from having 16 starters back after having just six last year. Auburn is, however, young on the O-line and will be without its suspended starting center. Clemson would like to get the taste out of its mouth of the 70-33 loss it suffered in the bowl vs. West Virginia. CU is one of two semi-longshot teams that got some of Vindy’s pesos to win the 2013 BCS Title game…Clemson 27 War Eagle 20 Wyoming (+29) over #15 TEXAS: Steers 34 Cowboys 10
#17 NEBRASKA (-20) over Southern Miss: Corn Cobs 40 Eagles 19 (Best guess for “Wish I Had it Back” pick)
#18 OHIO STATE (-22 ½) over Miami-Ohio: The problems in State College, PA make the “jerseys for jalopies” scandal in Columbus look like playground shenanigans. However, the Buckeyes will sit-out the upcoming post-season as the result of subsequent minor rules violations. Redhawks have upped their scoring by 12 ppg from three years ago and covered four of last nine tilts facing BCS clubs, including 17-6 loss to Missouri this time last season, but were throttled by same bunch of Tigers in 2010 and have been belted by the likes of Big Least’s Cincinnati since 2009. State coming off its first ATS losing season since 2003, as the scoring D regressed a full TD per game and the offense slipping 15 ppg. New coach Urban Meyer won’t tolerate that….OSU 39 Miami-Oh, My 13
Savannah State @ #19 OKLAHOMA STATE: No line. #20 TCU: IDLE (next vs. Grambling State)
Missouri State @ #22 KANSAS STATE: No line.
Bowling Green (+29) over #23 FLORIDA: Gators 34 Bee Gees 10
SUN. SEPT. 2 #25 LOUISVILLE (-14) over Kentucky: ‘Cats are in third year under Joker Phillips but took major losses to the D, which lowered points-against last year by 3 ppg. The KY offense has nowhere to go but up after dropping production by 15 points a contest, despite a mere 24-17 loss to Da’ Ville. Cards are the fave to grab the Big Least crown, have covered 10 of last 14 lined games and haven’t been ranked since early 2007. Louisville must, however, do a better job of keeping the QB clean, yielding 41 sacks last season, and is still young on that side of the ball… Louisville 29 KY 10
MON. SEPT. 3 Georgia Tech (+7) over #16 VIRGINIA TECH: Another very early conference pairing. Bees have been lousy 4-10-2 ATS in ACC play the past two seasons, but are getting some early voter love, standing just a few spots outside the rankings themselves, and return a veteran offensive line, as well as senior QB Washington. ‘Jackets had covered three straight years vs. the Hokies until 2011’s 36-27 defeat. While the passing game gets little more than a moment of prayer by Joja’ Tech, 5 of the 13 sacks allowed last year came against VT. Hokies didn’t cover well in conference last season either and bring back just 3 on offense, while fielding 9 of last year’s defensive regulars. As always, Ramblin’ Wreck will use one of the country’s best ground games to chew-up the clock, so “under” the total might be best wager, but we think the Hive can stay close too as both offenses struggle early…VT 19 GT 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, in order to give Robinson a puncher’s chance, he will run in nothing more than shorts and a T-shirt, while Bolt will don pads and helmet, a deployed drag-chute and a harness attached a tire!
With our place in Hell for the afterlife already secured long-before this offseason, we’ll comment here on the recently-revealed scandal that has shaken the foundations of the alma mater then move on…we are saddened for the victims and their families, as well as for the innocent parties at the school and in the community who will pay a high-price for something in which they were not involved after, apparently, at least one individual in then-Happy Valley put a little too much stock in the federal education program known as…No Child’s Behind Left.
And now back to our regularly-scheduled programming… A couple seasons ago, we noted that from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the Top 10 of the final AP that year. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so and in 2010, only Stanford did so. 2011 saw no qualifiers (honorable mention, however, to Michigan, which made the jump from #38 preseason to #12 in the final poll. (Kudos to Northern Illinois for jumping 13 spots from #41 to #28). We’re still not convinced that AP voters got smarter, so…your mission…should ya choose to accept it…is to figure out which squad(s) will surprise in a big way!
The folks at Wunderdog Sports Picks noted that teams winning 8 or more games the previous year and opening the subsequent season layin’ points on the road cover the line at about 59% or a little shy of 6 outta’ 10 (99-69). Four squads fit the criteria this week…South Carolina (won 11 SU in 2011, -7 at Vandy), Oklahoma (won 10, -31 at UTEP), Rutgers (won 9, -20 at Tulane) and Tulsa (won 8, -1 ½ at Iowa State). You have our choices on three of da’ four (see “best bets” below).
Aforementioned Commodores head coach James Franklin was kidding (?) when he quipped that he doesn’t hire assistants without first sneaking a peek at their wives to determine if they look like “D1 recruits”! We’re guessin’ potential scholarship-players’ girlfriends get the once-over as well!
Vindy read his fortune-cookie today, which revealed his “lucky numbers” as: 6, 17, 29, 40, 38 and 48. Ironically, these correspond to the Boise State Broncos’ expected margins-of-victory through their first six games of the Mountain West conference season!
This Spring, The Ohio State University copped to nearly fitty minor violations across 21 sports in the 12 months after Jim Tressel waved good-bye to the school. Among the noted boo-boos…gridiron assistant coach Mike Vrabel usin’ chaw on the sidelines and the women’s hockey squad layin’ out….GASP!...four more Washingtons than allowed to buy five framed jerseys! The horror…the horror!
Local Sin City officials are contemplating a name-change for McCarran Airport. We think “Vindicator International Plane-Lot and Sportsbook” has a nice ring to it, don’t you????!!!!
When you watch cable, you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions. When you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions, you make bets on those choices with your bookie. When you make bets on those choices with your bookie, you get your clock cleaned. When you get your clock cleaned, you decide to randomly-select your own wagers. When you decide randomly-select your own wagers, you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded. When you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded, you miss the betting board. When you miss the betting board, you accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Don’t accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Get rid of cable. Upgrade to Vindy’s Picks.
Shoppe Talk: We’ll devote our attention to better results from 2011 season “flame-throwers”: Virginia Tech (2-11 in 2011 [including post-season], Michigan State (2-8) and West Virginia (3-8). And the following “watch” teams are on notice: Oklahoma State (3-10), Clemson (3-8), Texas A&M (3-8 [who was somehow missed by our statistician last year]), Ohio State (2-7), Joja Teck (2-7) and Wisconsin (4-9)!
Vindy’s Week 1 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-0 Last Season: 36-34-1 (.514, including da’ bowls)
Unlv +8 ½ over MINNESOTA, Navy +16 ½ over #Notre Dame (@ Dublin), OHIO +6 over Penn State, Rutgers -20 over TULANE, Northern Illinois +10 over Iowa (@ Chicago)
On-deck…more Olympics, additional off-season silliness and a few thoughts as we welcome… the NFL!!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Vindy's 2011-12 Bowl Recap
BILLIONAIRE TAKES SPORTS, POLITICS INTO OWN HANDS
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (BBC)…Clearly empowered by his expressed (though later withdrawn) desire to moderate a GOP debate and deeming himself worthy of officiating a BCS bowl, Donald Trump was immediately recognized by fans in the stands and TV viewers as the person wearing the referee’s uniform while the JumboTron at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome broadcast the opening coin-toss of the college football national title game on Monday. As penalties occurred, the brash celeb reportedly offered coaches the option of having flagged players “fired” rather than taking the yardage. Eagle-eyed viewers also noted the officiating crew was down a man to start the 3rd Quarter, as the back judge was dismissed during a “board meeting” held at halftime after having a call on the field reversed upon further video review.
In a related story, Vindicator quickly produced a full New York birth certificate proving US citizenship to quiet a “birthers” movement revived by Trump, who asked whether or not Vindy deserved admission to Delaware State, Penn State and Richmond after learning, from undisclosed sources, the Weber Kid was a poor student. Journalists continue to question the timing of the birth certificate release, but Vin noted during a press conference that he didn’t “have time for this silliness” and implored the media…and the nation…to focus on more important issues facing the country, such as who would win the 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.
A British spy agency hacked into an al-Qaida E-zine this past summer and swapped bomb-making instructions with cupcake recipes. In related news, Vindicator finally got past Martha Stewart’s firewall and replaced her holiday fruitcake guide with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL RECAP
(Striving to “make Peggy sad”)
At the outset of the bowl season, Vindy’s “ready” was better than the bookie’s “ready”. A promising 6-2 start had our hero doin’ the State Farm “discount double-check” all the way to the cashier’s cage, but Vindicator spent two minutes in the penalty box for skidding short of the bookie’s net and giving him a snow-shower (and was immediately confronted on the subsequent shift by the bookie’s enforcer!). In retaliation, the picks were sent on a 3-12 death spiral that saw the floundering forecaster end 2011 at 9-14. 2012 looked good for a few brief moments as Vindy opened the new year 3-0, but suffered a subsequent 1-6 setback, including our second straight “lock of da’ bowls” loss by K-State. Vindy then finished with a 2-0 flurry (something we’ll build upon for next season), getting a nifty comeback win by Northern Illinois in the GoDaddy and correctly calling ‘Bama’s national title game victory to bring the bowl campaign to a merciful finish with a career-low 15-20 (.428) tally. We did nominally better against the totals, going a profitable 19-16 (.542). Favorites took 20 of the contests, while ‘dogs covered 14 (winning 9 outright), with one pick ‘em (Iowa State-Rutgers). Points this post-season came at a premium as well, with 20 of the games finishing “under” the total. Vindy’s post-season award or “award” winners (Weber-Friendlies and Flame-Throwers) actually provided four prediction wins in six tries, but all five “we’ll be watchin’” squads (Ohio State, Joja’ Tech, Okie State, Wisky and Clemson) all smacked the Weber Kid upside the head again!
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, late in the national title game, an inadvertent flag hit the ground. However, after confirming with each other, the officiating crew decided “there was no foul on the play” and simply picked up Trump’s toupee off the field.
Vindy’s spies noted it was actually Mitt Romney presiding over the aforementioned board meeting because, as the GOP presidential-hopeful told the Nashua (New Hampshire) Chamber of Commerce, he likes to “being able fire people” too!
Actor and current Allstate spokesman Dennis Haysbert oversaw the opening coin-toss of the LSU-‘Bama game. The presence of the former President David Palmer from 24 also meant Jack Bauer was somewhere inside the Superdome, feverishly seeking out a bomb that would level the stadium if he couldn’t disarm it as time expired!
Speaking of presidents, Barack Obama helped the Dallas Mavericks celebrate their NBA Title in the nation’s capitol this week. Remembering that Dirk Nowitzki crooned Queen’s “We Are the Champions” following their championship run, the Commander-in-Chief reportedly led the White House staff in a rousing version of Bohemian Rhapsody to mark the occasion!
The Duchess of Cambridge, AKA Mrs. Prince William, reportedly disappointed the royal subjects by celebrating her 30th birthday on January 9th in a “low-key” manner. Come to think of it, we seem to remember spotting the former Kate Middleton in the end zone seats during the BCS Title game…wearing a Tide jersey!
Also BTW, TSA at McCarron Airport confiscated a red velvet cupcake last month because the frosting violated standards for gel. Anybody else out there contemplating the remake of a classic SNL skit…”It’s a cupcake frosting …it’s a plastic explosive…it’s both!”????
Over the holidays, Vindy went to a nice seafood restaurant and inquired about that day’s market-price on the…long-snapper!
Vindicator replaced his rear-view and side-view mirrors with some of the reflective helmets worn by the Oregon Ducks at this year’s Rose Bowl!
We recently caught a headline reading, “Stephen King to Pay for Mainers’ Oil”. With Vindy’s obvious sports-related frame-of-reference, he thought the article-title proclaimed, “Stephen King to Pay for Mariners’ Oil” and thought maybe the Master of the Macabre and author of “The Girl Who Loved (Boston Red Sox pitcher) Tom Gordon”, might be planning to pen a sequel called, “The Girl Who Loved Ichiro”!!!!!
6-ft, 8-inch Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the NBA’s New Jersey Nyets…um…Nets… is challenging Vladimir Putin in Russia’s March presidential election. If the race is close at the end, it could come down to Putin’s ability to extend the contest by fouling and sending Prokhorov to the charity stripe to shoot free-throws!
Elle Nordegren just demolished a $12M home she purchased after divorcing Tiger Woods. Neighbors say, the model, armed with a driver and a bucket of Top Flights, shot six-under-par while taking out all the windows before giving way to the bulldozers, which then turned the mansion into little more than a sand-trap!
Director Spike Lee plans to hit the Silver Screen again as “Mookie”. Strange…we don’t remember him portraying the former NY Mets centerfielder Mookie Wilson the first time!
We’ve all heard about the conspiracy called “Suck for Luck”. But what about NFL squads who might’ve lost intentionally because they really want Baylor’s quarterback instead?! Can you say, “Whiffin’ for Griffin”???!!!
Vindy took notice of an ad in the Las Vegas Review-Journal hawking “BFG Chicken Strips”. The promo-in-question said “’BFG’ stands for baked, fried or grilled”. We’re thinkin’ in South Carolina, that abbreviation represents “Big Freakin’ Gamecocks”!!!!
In order to save money, the Presidential Coin Act of 2005, which required the minting of four new coins featuring dead presidents each year from 2007-2016, got the boot in December. In a similar move, the NCAA dispensed with the individualized ceremonial currency for each post-season game and used old ones emblazoned with team logos and helmets of the British and the Colonists!
After securing the Sugar Bowl trophy for the Wolverines with his foot in overtime, Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons said, “Every time we were like struggling in kicking, coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls.” Well…that would certainly explain the bikini and brownish wig the Michigan holder was wearing at the time of the game-winning FG! (BTW, we prefer blondes… and if ya tape a poster of Meg Ryan, Melissa-Joan Hart, Alison Sweeney or Alicia Silverstone to the goalposts, Vindy’s splitting the uprights from 50-plus!!!)
The Texas Supreme Court recently put the kibosh on the Lone Star State’s plans to draw up new electoral maps. Apparently, they’re still to tryin’ to work-out the logistics of including TCU, San Diego State and other teams associated with what is about to become the Big East-of-the Pacific-Ocean Conference for voting purposes!
Data used to close post offices around the country has come under fire. Vindy had similar concerns about the BCS Poll all season and supports a USPS playoff system to determine which offices get shuttered and which ones remain open each year!
This year’s field of 68 is already being determined by the 14 Democratic legislators from Wisconsin, who bolted from America’s Dairyland last February and holed-up in an Illinois hotel temporarily to start the selection! The process will eventually, however, be turned over to…the congressional Supercommittee (which will also conduct April’s NFL Draft!)
The North Koreans attributed a “mysterious glow atop a revered mountain”, a sheet of lake ice cracking with a thunderous sound and a crane drooping its head in sorrow after circling a statue of the country’s founder to the passing of Kim Jong Il. Oddly, all three of those events were also part of the laundry-list of things the Cincinnati Bengals needed to happen in order to make the playoffs! Even stranger, Vindy pre-arranged an unexplained aura around the Stratosphere hotel & casino, the Bellagio fountains freezing over and a pigeon circling Oscar Goodman, himself, before wetting its beak in the former mayor’s martini glass, had he completed his three-team parlay, but K-State’s 13-point loss negated prior covers by Weeziana Tech and Houston!
Speaking of which, “Dear Leader” was not only a term of affection and respect, but also reflected Kim Jong Il’s status at the top of nearly all statistical categories for the country in football, including passing yards, rushing yards, touchdowns, field-goals, even sacks and tackles-for-loss! How did this guy ever miss getting on the Big Boards for the NFL Draft???!!! Maybe he bombed the Wonderlic…literally! The national media even went so far as to alter a photo of his funeral procession to avoid revealing the North Korean army actually had too many men on the field at one point!
In one of his first official actions as the new head coach at Penn State, Bill O’Brien recruited two kids…named “Brady” and “Vinatieri”!
Black Shirt: We’re handin’ out multiple ebony undergarments this post-season to…Ohio U. QB Tyler Tettleton for the 1-yard TD plunge with 13 seconds left to give the Bobblecats the minor upset over Utah State, Ragin’ Cajun kicker Brett Baer for a successful fitty-yard FG as time expired to validate our upset pick of ULL-Lafayette over SDSU and QB EJ Manuel for rallying FSU (-3) from a 2nd half two-touchdown hole to win by 4.
“Locked in a Box?”: Iowa State got whacked by Rutgers to lower the season tally to 7-8 (.467) and posting back-to-back “Lock of da’ Bowls” losses, as noted above, for the Sin City Soothsayer!
Shoppe Talk: Grill-Master awardee Michigan State and Suckin’ Place winner Virginia Tech posted forecast dubyas, while only Dishonorable Mention West Virginia dropped us again! All five teams in “watch” status Ohio State, Joja’ Teck, Oklahoma State, Wisconsin and Clemson), however, hit us below the (Sun) belt!
Vindy’s Bowls Best Bets: Part II: 2-2 Bowls: 4-3 Season: 36-34-1 (.514)
LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant. Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find its way into the forecast…until now.)
In exchange for the right to remain licensed and among its BCS bowl brethren, the Fiesta agreed to fork over $1M in fines and be audited once a year. (Oh…and…the Penn State athletic director in charge of the BCS oversight committee brokered an automatic bid to the game for the Nifty Lions for each of the next four years, regardless of the team’s win-loss record!
If Meineke can sponsor a “Car Care Bowl”, why can’t Head & Shoulders back a “Hair Care Bowl”??? Do I hear the American Greetings “Care Bear Bowl”???!!!
On the big screen…as part of a military project to conquer the BCS, George Clooney and company, armed with no more than intense gazes, succeed in knocking over parade entries during pre-game festivities for the Rose, Fiesta, Orange and Sugar Bowls in…”The Men Who Stare at Floats”!
The BCS selected not just one, but multiple possible dates for its big games in anticipation of scheduling conflicts with a revamped NFL schedule as the result of the lockout. Apparently, FBS now stands for “Flexible Bowl Schedule” or “Forgiving Bowl Scandals”!!! Or BCS stands for “Bendable Championship Schedule”!
On Lifetime…family matriarchs are filmed while battling obsessed coaches who teach their toddlers to perform obnoxious touchdown celebrations in “End Zone Dance Moms”!
Is it just Vindy or does anybody else out there who’s seen him think Boise State QB recruit Nick Patti looks like Adrian Brody???!!!!
Instead of usual band, Boise State scripted its first 15 plays of the Las Vegas Bowl on a writeable Bud Light label strapped to QB Kellen Moore’s wrist!
In an act of defiance, Reggie Bush had his 2005 Heisman Trophy sent to his parents, who immediately welded the highly-coveted hardware to one of Terrell Pryor’s cars as a nifty hood-ornament!
In August, Georgetown’s hoops team brawled on the hardwood with the Chinese squad during a “friendly” in Beijing. Chinese reps later caught up to the Hoyas at airport to reconcile and exchange souvenirs, but we look forward to more fireworks should the two clubs meet again in the Sweet 16 of this year’s Big Dance!
In each of the four days prior to the January 2011 San Diego State/BYU hoops game, Provo’s Daily Herald printed one of four sections, which when joined together, formed a life-size likeness of Jimmer Fredette. As an added bonus, the reverse side of the completed poster showed a life-size replica of...the Vegas Vindicator!
Hawaii’s gridiron team was accused of point-shaving in its outright loss to UNLV. As 18-point chalk, a 17-point win is point-shaving. Accounting for teaser-bets, a 10 win is point-shaving. A 20-point defeat to arguably one of the worst teams in D-I football is not point-shaving! Lack of focus, maybe. Poor execution, for sure. But definitely not point-shaving!
Jockey Calvin Borel was picked up last August by the Louisville PD for DWI. Guess that explains why he hugged the rail during his 2009 Kentucky Derby victory! He was tryin’ stay on the horse!
Pakistan spy agency, Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), got heat for not stopping the U.S. raid that that took out Osama Bin Laden. The organization, however, is no stranger to such criticism and has been the scapegoat for...the 1980 “Miracle on Ice” and the Best Picture Oscar that went to The English Patient. It also got blame for the antler-like hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the 2011 royal nuptials…and for scandals at Ohio State, Penn State and Miami.
The “Leftovers” column of an edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted the creation of a Lingerie Basketball League and queried, “What next, Lingerie Lacrosse?”. We’d like to see Lingerie Curling! Women in skimpy French maid outfits “sweeping” along the ice! Or maybe Lingerie Jai-Alai!?? Sweet!!!!
Celebrity-boxing promoter Damon Feldman won his breach-of-contract lawsuit vs. Jose Canseco, who apparently had twin-brother Ozzie secretly take his place in a March fight. Queue up the Patti Duke Show theme song?...”They walk alike, they talk alike…sometimes they even box alike?!” BTW, Vindy has an evil twin, who’s responsible for all his forecast losses…the Sin City Scintillator (whom we’re blaming for the whole 2011 Vindy’s Picks season fiasco!)
A former Colorado Rockies 1B and current minor-leaguer was the first player to get the temporary boot from a game for using PEDs. Anybody else see the irony in this happening to a guy who’s home park was one in which Howdy Doody woulda’ hit home runs on a regular basis???!!!
MLB manager Bobby Valentine claimed to have invented the “wrap” lunch item. Al Gore is refuting that assertion, claiming instead, that he himself was the founder of that sandwich!
Former Indiana Pacer Samaki Walker was temporarily booked after police found marijuana, prescription pills and steroids in his vehicle. Walker said the steroids are legal in Syria, where he plays basketball. Narcotics charges were eventually dropped. Meanwhile, attorneys and agents for Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds and the North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team are backdating contracts to show their clients were actually playing for ball-clubs in Syria at the times of their investigations. And BTW, anyone who’s traveled to that nation knows weed is used frequently as an appetizer!
New Mexico football player Deshon Marman was asked to debark an airplane after repeatedly refusing to pull up his pants. No charges were filed, but the defensive back spent the rest of the season “goin’ Greyhound” to all the Lobos away games!
Members from both sides of the NFL lockout held secret meetings in June about the issues. Those gatherings woulda’ been more-clandestine had everybody not worn a jersey with the number “007” on it. In fact, there were reported sightings of James Bond, Lancelot Link, Secret Squirrel, Mata Hari and Maxwell Smart at the undisclosed location!
Linebacker Desmond Howard got stuck hanging out solo on the Green Bay Packers bus while the rest of the team got to meet President Obama as a reward for winning last season’s Super Bowl because he didn’t remember to bring his ID. Not to worry. Tareq and Michaele Salahi were more than happy to take his place.
On the big screen....”Cloudy With a Chance of Long Balls!”
Also on the big screen…a teenage Brett Favre struggles to deal with his newfound super-powers while being hunted by aliens ahead of their invasion of Earth in...”I Am Number Four”.
One more time on the big screen….an animated flick based on the daily journal kept by our fab forecaster during his milquetoast childhood in…”Diary of a Vindy Kid”!
On the concert circuit…ex-football team underlings form a musical group and hit it big as…Waterboyz 2 Men!
Terrell Pryor’s body art featuring the same Dodge Ram logo that graces the taillights of said-company’s trucks was a definite clue for investigators lookin’ into the allegations of inappropriate benefits.
Recently-released travel records and credit card statements revealed part of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel’s “punishment” for sitting on information about his players’ shenanigans too long was mandatory attendance at a June seminar on “Division I Major Infractions”. Our agenda for that Tampa, Florida event shows that specified session sandwiched between “How to Make Lotsa’ Money Without Really Trying” and a presentation on timeshares in Key West.
Zappos.com busts out “naked models doing everyday things” with carefully-covered nudity in a July ad campaign. Show us a nearly-nude model placing wagers at the sportsbook and we’ll flash the plastic to buy whatever they’re sellin’…everytime!
Fergie revealed her thoughts about being denied an invite to WillKat’s regal knot-tying. Hey…after that less-than-inspiring rendition of Tonight’s Gonna’ Be A Good Night at last February’s Super Bowl halftime gig, we woulda’ passed her up for the nuptials too! (Oh wait…wrong Fergie! Our bad!)
Attorneys sued big companies in California on behalf of cashiers who don’t have seats available to them. Great. Can’t wait to see this one hit Vegas. “Objection, your honor. We think it’s unfair for bookies to cash winning tickets when they have to stand on their feet all day!” By golly, no self-respecting Walmart cashier should be without a reclining, swivel-chair at their check-out counter, especially during the holidays!
American Wagering Inc. was purchased in April by a major British sports betting company. Great...now Vindy’s gotta’ figure out how to convert spreads and money lines to the metric system! “Uhhh...gimme four pounds six pence on Elton John over George Michael on the moneyline!?”
If a former Olympic track medalist returns the one ring to Mount Doom, would it be...Flo Jo Baggins???!!!
Forget “Rate Tate’s chicken”!!! Domino’s Pizza boxes now offer the opportunity to “Rate Tay’s Chicken” or “Rate Vindy’s Picks’!”
“Can switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Was Charles Barkley honest? Would Mike Tyson make a really bad book narrator??!!”
Here’s a sound-bite we wanna’ hear from the 2012 Scripps National Spelling Bee…Judge: “Draft.” Contestant: “Draft…D-R-A-U-G-H-T…’draft’” Judge: “BZZZT! WRONG-O!!! In yo’ face! Grab some pine, you little egghead!!!!!!!
Atlantic City now employs lingerie-wearing blackjack dealers and beverage-servers in bustiers and fishnets. Ho-hum. We here in Sin City already got scantily-clad dancers/dealers. However, we could seriously use some hot ticket-writers who also bust a move between counter gigs. Would give a whole new meanin’ to “spreads”.
Starting this month, the NCAA legislative committee will entertain a proposal by the Big Least that schools be allowed to provide spreads (such as butter, peanut butter, jelly, cream cheese, etc.) with the unadorned bagels they can give to potential recruits. Presently, said accoutrements are only legally-available to the institutions’ own student-athletes. “Dude…here’s your plain bagel….but if ya sign with *us*….the sky’s the limit on spreads!” We foresee the “Bagel Bowl”, with tubs of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” as swag (or sponsor!). How ‘bout sushi with mustard or wasabi? Coke with rum????!!!!
NIKE donated $400K to Penn State’s libraries in honor of JoePa’s 400th victory....and merely asked to have the swoosh logo placed on each building and bookshelf in exchange!
The North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team claimed the opening 2-0 loss to Team USA was due to its players being struck by lightning during a practice session. Well…that settles it…Thor is clearly not havin’ any of that rogue-nation-Communist crappola on the pitch!
During the preseason, Steve Spurrier voluntarily got handcuffed to make a point to his Gamecocks players....and still managed to throw his visor to ground!
Coming this winter…to an arena near you....“Vindy’s Picks On Ice”.
Vindy before being scrapped in the final selections in April, made the elite “royal wedding guest list” for Kate and Prince William...somewhere between George Michael and Scary Spice!
JC Penney yanked a controversial female garment from its website after consumers whined about the T-shirt, which sports the motto, “I’m too pretty to do my homework so my brother has to do it for me.”. That didn’t deter us from purchasing the one that proclaims, “Vindy’s too purty to place his wagers, so his bookie has to do it for him!”
Until August, Sportsfans…we leave you with our traditional Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’ like that!)
Air Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (BBC)…Clearly empowered by his expressed (though later withdrawn) desire to moderate a GOP debate and deeming himself worthy of officiating a BCS bowl, Donald Trump was immediately recognized by fans in the stands and TV viewers as the person wearing the referee’s uniform while the JumboTron at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome broadcast the opening coin-toss of the college football national title game on Monday. As penalties occurred, the brash celeb reportedly offered coaches the option of having flagged players “fired” rather than taking the yardage. Eagle-eyed viewers also noted the officiating crew was down a man to start the 3rd Quarter, as the back judge was dismissed during a “board meeting” held at halftime after having a call on the field reversed upon further video review.
In a related story, Vindicator quickly produced a full New York birth certificate proving US citizenship to quiet a “birthers” movement revived by Trump, who asked whether or not Vindy deserved admission to Delaware State, Penn State and Richmond after learning, from undisclosed sources, the Weber Kid was a poor student. Journalists continue to question the timing of the birth certificate release, but Vin noted during a press conference that he didn’t “have time for this silliness” and implored the media…and the nation…to focus on more important issues facing the country, such as who would win the 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.
A British spy agency hacked into an al-Qaida E-zine this past summer and swapped bomb-making instructions with cupcake recipes. In related news, Vindicator finally got past Martha Stewart’s firewall and replaced her holiday fruitcake guide with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL RECAP
(Striving to “make Peggy sad”)
At the outset of the bowl season, Vindy’s “ready” was better than the bookie’s “ready”. A promising 6-2 start had our hero doin’ the State Farm “discount double-check” all the way to the cashier’s cage, but Vindicator spent two minutes in the penalty box for skidding short of the bookie’s net and giving him a snow-shower (and was immediately confronted on the subsequent shift by the bookie’s enforcer!). In retaliation, the picks were sent on a 3-12 death spiral that saw the floundering forecaster end 2011 at 9-14. 2012 looked good for a few brief moments as Vindy opened the new year 3-0, but suffered a subsequent 1-6 setback, including our second straight “lock of da’ bowls” loss by K-State. Vindy then finished with a 2-0 flurry (something we’ll build upon for next season), getting a nifty comeback win by Northern Illinois in the GoDaddy and correctly calling ‘Bama’s national title game victory to bring the bowl campaign to a merciful finish with a career-low 15-20 (.428) tally. We did nominally better against the totals, going a profitable 19-16 (.542). Favorites took 20 of the contests, while ‘dogs covered 14 (winning 9 outright), with one pick ‘em (Iowa State-Rutgers). Points this post-season came at a premium as well, with 20 of the games finishing “under” the total. Vindy’s post-season award or “award” winners (Weber-Friendlies and Flame-Throwers) actually provided four prediction wins in six tries, but all five “we’ll be watchin’” squads (Ohio State, Joja’ Tech, Okie State, Wisky and Clemson) all smacked the Weber Kid upside the head again!
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, late in the national title game, an inadvertent flag hit the ground. However, after confirming with each other, the officiating crew decided “there was no foul on the play” and simply picked up Trump’s toupee off the field.
Vindy’s spies noted it was actually Mitt Romney presiding over the aforementioned board meeting because, as the GOP presidential-hopeful told the Nashua (New Hampshire) Chamber of Commerce, he likes to “being able fire people” too!
Actor and current Allstate spokesman Dennis Haysbert oversaw the opening coin-toss of the LSU-‘Bama game. The presence of the former President David Palmer from 24 also meant Jack Bauer was somewhere inside the Superdome, feverishly seeking out a bomb that would level the stadium if he couldn’t disarm it as time expired!
Speaking of presidents, Barack Obama helped the Dallas Mavericks celebrate their NBA Title in the nation’s capitol this week. Remembering that Dirk Nowitzki crooned Queen’s “We Are the Champions” following their championship run, the Commander-in-Chief reportedly led the White House staff in a rousing version of Bohemian Rhapsody to mark the occasion!
The Duchess of Cambridge, AKA Mrs. Prince William, reportedly disappointed the royal subjects by celebrating her 30th birthday on January 9th in a “low-key” manner. Come to think of it, we seem to remember spotting the former Kate Middleton in the end zone seats during the BCS Title game…wearing a Tide jersey!
Also BTW, TSA at McCarron Airport confiscated a red velvet cupcake last month because the frosting violated standards for gel. Anybody else out there contemplating the remake of a classic SNL skit…”It’s a cupcake frosting …it’s a plastic explosive…it’s both!”????
Over the holidays, Vindy went to a nice seafood restaurant and inquired about that day’s market-price on the…long-snapper!
Vindicator replaced his rear-view and side-view mirrors with some of the reflective helmets worn by the Oregon Ducks at this year’s Rose Bowl!
We recently caught a headline reading, “Stephen King to Pay for Mainers’ Oil”. With Vindy’s obvious sports-related frame-of-reference, he thought the article-title proclaimed, “Stephen King to Pay for Mariners’ Oil” and thought maybe the Master of the Macabre and author of “The Girl Who Loved (Boston Red Sox pitcher) Tom Gordon”, might be planning to pen a sequel called, “The Girl Who Loved Ichiro”!!!!!
6-ft, 8-inch Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the NBA’s New Jersey Nyets…um…Nets… is challenging Vladimir Putin in Russia’s March presidential election. If the race is close at the end, it could come down to Putin’s ability to extend the contest by fouling and sending Prokhorov to the charity stripe to shoot free-throws!
Elle Nordegren just demolished a $12M home she purchased after divorcing Tiger Woods. Neighbors say, the model, armed with a driver and a bucket of Top Flights, shot six-under-par while taking out all the windows before giving way to the bulldozers, which then turned the mansion into little more than a sand-trap!
Director Spike Lee plans to hit the Silver Screen again as “Mookie”. Strange…we don’t remember him portraying the former NY Mets centerfielder Mookie Wilson the first time!
We’ve all heard about the conspiracy called “Suck for Luck”. But what about NFL squads who might’ve lost intentionally because they really want Baylor’s quarterback instead?! Can you say, “Whiffin’ for Griffin”???!!!
Vindy took notice of an ad in the Las Vegas Review-Journal hawking “BFG Chicken Strips”. The promo-in-question said “’BFG’ stands for baked, fried or grilled”. We’re thinkin’ in South Carolina, that abbreviation represents “Big Freakin’ Gamecocks”!!!!
In order to save money, the Presidential Coin Act of 2005, which required the minting of four new coins featuring dead presidents each year from 2007-2016, got the boot in December. In a similar move, the NCAA dispensed with the individualized ceremonial currency for each post-season game and used old ones emblazoned with team logos and helmets of the British and the Colonists!
After securing the Sugar Bowl trophy for the Wolverines with his foot in overtime, Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons said, “Every time we were like struggling in kicking, coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls.” Well…that would certainly explain the bikini and brownish wig the Michigan holder was wearing at the time of the game-winning FG! (BTW, we prefer blondes… and if ya tape a poster of Meg Ryan, Melissa-Joan Hart, Alison Sweeney or Alicia Silverstone to the goalposts, Vindy’s splitting the uprights from 50-plus!!!)
The Texas Supreme Court recently put the kibosh on the Lone Star State’s plans to draw up new electoral maps. Apparently, they’re still to tryin’ to work-out the logistics of including TCU, San Diego State and other teams associated with what is about to become the Big East-of-the Pacific-Ocean Conference for voting purposes!
Data used to close post offices around the country has come under fire. Vindy had similar concerns about the BCS Poll all season and supports a USPS playoff system to determine which offices get shuttered and which ones remain open each year!
This year’s field of 68 is already being determined by the 14 Democratic legislators from Wisconsin, who bolted from America’s Dairyland last February and holed-up in an Illinois hotel temporarily to start the selection! The process will eventually, however, be turned over to…the congressional Supercommittee (which will also conduct April’s NFL Draft!)
The North Koreans attributed a “mysterious glow atop a revered mountain”, a sheet of lake ice cracking with a thunderous sound and a crane drooping its head in sorrow after circling a statue of the country’s founder to the passing of Kim Jong Il. Oddly, all three of those events were also part of the laundry-list of things the Cincinnati Bengals needed to happen in order to make the playoffs! Even stranger, Vindy pre-arranged an unexplained aura around the Stratosphere hotel & casino, the Bellagio fountains freezing over and a pigeon circling Oscar Goodman, himself, before wetting its beak in the former mayor’s martini glass, had he completed his three-team parlay, but K-State’s 13-point loss negated prior covers by Weeziana Tech and Houston!
Speaking of which, “Dear Leader” was not only a term of affection and respect, but also reflected Kim Jong Il’s status at the top of nearly all statistical categories for the country in football, including passing yards, rushing yards, touchdowns, field-goals, even sacks and tackles-for-loss! How did this guy ever miss getting on the Big Boards for the NFL Draft???!!! Maybe he bombed the Wonderlic…literally! The national media even went so far as to alter a photo of his funeral procession to avoid revealing the North Korean army actually had too many men on the field at one point!
In one of his first official actions as the new head coach at Penn State, Bill O’Brien recruited two kids…named “Brady” and “Vinatieri”!
Black Shirt: We’re handin’ out multiple ebony undergarments this post-season to…Ohio U. QB Tyler Tettleton for the 1-yard TD plunge with 13 seconds left to give the Bobblecats the minor upset over Utah State, Ragin’ Cajun kicker Brett Baer for a successful fitty-yard FG as time expired to validate our upset pick of ULL-Lafayette over SDSU and QB EJ Manuel for rallying FSU (-3) from a 2nd half two-touchdown hole to win by 4.
“Locked in a Box?”: Iowa State got whacked by Rutgers to lower the season tally to 7-8 (.467) and posting back-to-back “Lock of da’ Bowls” losses, as noted above, for the Sin City Soothsayer!
Shoppe Talk: Grill-Master awardee Michigan State and Suckin’ Place winner Virginia Tech posted forecast dubyas, while only Dishonorable Mention West Virginia dropped us again! All five teams in “watch” status Ohio State, Joja’ Teck, Oklahoma State, Wisconsin and Clemson), however, hit us below the (Sun) belt!
Vindy’s Bowls Best Bets: Part II: 2-2 Bowls: 4-3 Season: 36-34-1 (.514)
LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant. Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find its way into the forecast…until now.)
In exchange for the right to remain licensed and among its BCS bowl brethren, the Fiesta agreed to fork over $1M in fines and be audited once a year. (Oh…and…the Penn State athletic director in charge of the BCS oversight committee brokered an automatic bid to the game for the Nifty Lions for each of the next four years, regardless of the team’s win-loss record!
If Meineke can sponsor a “Car Care Bowl”, why can’t Head & Shoulders back a “Hair Care Bowl”??? Do I hear the American Greetings “Care Bear Bowl”???!!!
On the big screen…as part of a military project to conquer the BCS, George Clooney and company, armed with no more than intense gazes, succeed in knocking over parade entries during pre-game festivities for the Rose, Fiesta, Orange and Sugar Bowls in…”The Men Who Stare at Floats”!
The BCS selected not just one, but multiple possible dates for its big games in anticipation of scheduling conflicts with a revamped NFL schedule as the result of the lockout. Apparently, FBS now stands for “Flexible Bowl Schedule” or “Forgiving Bowl Scandals”!!! Or BCS stands for “Bendable Championship Schedule”!
On Lifetime…family matriarchs are filmed while battling obsessed coaches who teach their toddlers to perform obnoxious touchdown celebrations in “End Zone Dance Moms”!
Is it just Vindy or does anybody else out there who’s seen him think Boise State QB recruit Nick Patti looks like Adrian Brody???!!!!
Instead of usual band, Boise State scripted its first 15 plays of the Las Vegas Bowl on a writeable Bud Light label strapped to QB Kellen Moore’s wrist!
In an act of defiance, Reggie Bush had his 2005 Heisman Trophy sent to his parents, who immediately welded the highly-coveted hardware to one of Terrell Pryor’s cars as a nifty hood-ornament!
In August, Georgetown’s hoops team brawled on the hardwood with the Chinese squad during a “friendly” in Beijing. Chinese reps later caught up to the Hoyas at airport to reconcile and exchange souvenirs, but we look forward to more fireworks should the two clubs meet again in the Sweet 16 of this year’s Big Dance!
In each of the four days prior to the January 2011 San Diego State/BYU hoops game, Provo’s Daily Herald printed one of four sections, which when joined together, formed a life-size likeness of Jimmer Fredette. As an added bonus, the reverse side of the completed poster showed a life-size replica of...the Vegas Vindicator!
Hawaii’s gridiron team was accused of point-shaving in its outright loss to UNLV. As 18-point chalk, a 17-point win is point-shaving. Accounting for teaser-bets, a 10 win is point-shaving. A 20-point defeat to arguably one of the worst teams in D-I football is not point-shaving! Lack of focus, maybe. Poor execution, for sure. But definitely not point-shaving!
Jockey Calvin Borel was picked up last August by the Louisville PD for DWI. Guess that explains why he hugged the rail during his 2009 Kentucky Derby victory! He was tryin’ stay on the horse!
Pakistan spy agency, Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), got heat for not stopping the U.S. raid that that took out Osama Bin Laden. The organization, however, is no stranger to such criticism and has been the scapegoat for...the 1980 “Miracle on Ice” and the Best Picture Oscar that went to The English Patient. It also got blame for the antler-like hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the 2011 royal nuptials…and for scandals at Ohio State, Penn State and Miami.
The “Leftovers” column of an edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted the creation of a Lingerie Basketball League and queried, “What next, Lingerie Lacrosse?”. We’d like to see Lingerie Curling! Women in skimpy French maid outfits “sweeping” along the ice! Or maybe Lingerie Jai-Alai!?? Sweet!!!!
Celebrity-boxing promoter Damon Feldman won his breach-of-contract lawsuit vs. Jose Canseco, who apparently had twin-brother Ozzie secretly take his place in a March fight. Queue up the Patti Duke Show theme song?...”They walk alike, they talk alike…sometimes they even box alike?!” BTW, Vindy has an evil twin, who’s responsible for all his forecast losses…the Sin City Scintillator (whom we’re blaming for the whole 2011 Vindy’s Picks season fiasco!)
A former Colorado Rockies 1B and current minor-leaguer was the first player to get the temporary boot from a game for using PEDs. Anybody else see the irony in this happening to a guy who’s home park was one in which Howdy Doody woulda’ hit home runs on a regular basis???!!!
MLB manager Bobby Valentine claimed to have invented the “wrap” lunch item. Al Gore is refuting that assertion, claiming instead, that he himself was the founder of that sandwich!
Former Indiana Pacer Samaki Walker was temporarily booked after police found marijuana, prescription pills and steroids in his vehicle. Walker said the steroids are legal in Syria, where he plays basketball. Narcotics charges were eventually dropped. Meanwhile, attorneys and agents for Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds and the North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team are backdating contracts to show their clients were actually playing for ball-clubs in Syria at the times of their investigations. And BTW, anyone who’s traveled to that nation knows weed is used frequently as an appetizer!
New Mexico football player Deshon Marman was asked to debark an airplane after repeatedly refusing to pull up his pants. No charges were filed, but the defensive back spent the rest of the season “goin’ Greyhound” to all the Lobos away games!
Members from both sides of the NFL lockout held secret meetings in June about the issues. Those gatherings woulda’ been more-clandestine had everybody not worn a jersey with the number “007” on it. In fact, there were reported sightings of James Bond, Lancelot Link, Secret Squirrel, Mata Hari and Maxwell Smart at the undisclosed location!
Linebacker Desmond Howard got stuck hanging out solo on the Green Bay Packers bus while the rest of the team got to meet President Obama as a reward for winning last season’s Super Bowl because he didn’t remember to bring his ID. Not to worry. Tareq and Michaele Salahi were more than happy to take his place.
On the big screen....”Cloudy With a Chance of Long Balls!”
Also on the big screen…a teenage Brett Favre struggles to deal with his newfound super-powers while being hunted by aliens ahead of their invasion of Earth in...”I Am Number Four”.
One more time on the big screen….an animated flick based on the daily journal kept by our fab forecaster during his milquetoast childhood in…”Diary of a Vindy Kid”!
On the concert circuit…ex-football team underlings form a musical group and hit it big as…Waterboyz 2 Men!
Terrell Pryor’s body art featuring the same Dodge Ram logo that graces the taillights of said-company’s trucks was a definite clue for investigators lookin’ into the allegations of inappropriate benefits.
Recently-released travel records and credit card statements revealed part of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel’s “punishment” for sitting on information about his players’ shenanigans too long was mandatory attendance at a June seminar on “Division I Major Infractions”. Our agenda for that Tampa, Florida event shows that specified session sandwiched between “How to Make Lotsa’ Money Without Really Trying” and a presentation on timeshares in Key West.
Zappos.com busts out “naked models doing everyday things” with carefully-covered nudity in a July ad campaign. Show us a nearly-nude model placing wagers at the sportsbook and we’ll flash the plastic to buy whatever they’re sellin’…everytime!
Fergie revealed her thoughts about being denied an invite to WillKat’s regal knot-tying. Hey…after that less-than-inspiring rendition of Tonight’s Gonna’ Be A Good Night at last February’s Super Bowl halftime gig, we woulda’ passed her up for the nuptials too! (Oh wait…wrong Fergie! Our bad!)
Attorneys sued big companies in California on behalf of cashiers who don’t have seats available to them. Great. Can’t wait to see this one hit Vegas. “Objection, your honor. We think it’s unfair for bookies to cash winning tickets when they have to stand on their feet all day!” By golly, no self-respecting Walmart cashier should be without a reclining, swivel-chair at their check-out counter, especially during the holidays!
American Wagering Inc. was purchased in April by a major British sports betting company. Great...now Vindy’s gotta’ figure out how to convert spreads and money lines to the metric system! “Uhhh...gimme four pounds six pence on Elton John over George Michael on the moneyline!?”
If a former Olympic track medalist returns the one ring to Mount Doom, would it be...Flo Jo Baggins???!!!
Forget “Rate Tate’s chicken”!!! Domino’s Pizza boxes now offer the opportunity to “Rate Tay’s Chicken” or “Rate Vindy’s Picks’!”
“Can switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Was Charles Barkley honest? Would Mike Tyson make a really bad book narrator??!!”
Here’s a sound-bite we wanna’ hear from the 2012 Scripps National Spelling Bee…Judge: “Draft.” Contestant: “Draft…D-R-A-U-G-H-T…’draft’” Judge: “BZZZT! WRONG-O!!! In yo’ face! Grab some pine, you little egghead!!!!!!!
Atlantic City now employs lingerie-wearing blackjack dealers and beverage-servers in bustiers and fishnets. Ho-hum. We here in Sin City already got scantily-clad dancers/dealers. However, we could seriously use some hot ticket-writers who also bust a move between counter gigs. Would give a whole new meanin’ to “spreads”.
Starting this month, the NCAA legislative committee will entertain a proposal by the Big Least that schools be allowed to provide spreads (such as butter, peanut butter, jelly, cream cheese, etc.) with the unadorned bagels they can give to potential recruits. Presently, said accoutrements are only legally-available to the institutions’ own student-athletes. “Dude…here’s your plain bagel….but if ya sign with *us*….the sky’s the limit on spreads!” We foresee the “Bagel Bowl”, with tubs of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” as swag (or sponsor!). How ‘bout sushi with mustard or wasabi? Coke with rum????!!!!
NIKE donated $400K to Penn State’s libraries in honor of JoePa’s 400th victory....and merely asked to have the swoosh logo placed on each building and bookshelf in exchange!
The North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team claimed the opening 2-0 loss to Team USA was due to its players being struck by lightning during a practice session. Well…that settles it…Thor is clearly not havin’ any of that rogue-nation-Communist crappola on the pitch!
During the preseason, Steve Spurrier voluntarily got handcuffed to make a point to his Gamecocks players....and still managed to throw his visor to ground!
Coming this winter…to an arena near you....“Vindy’s Picks On Ice”.
Vindy before being scrapped in the final selections in April, made the elite “royal wedding guest list” for Kate and Prince William...somewhere between George Michael and Scary Spice!
JC Penney yanked a controversial female garment from its website after consumers whined about the T-shirt, which sports the motto, “I’m too pretty to do my homework so my brother has to do it for me.”. That didn’t deter us from purchasing the one that proclaims, “Vindy’s too purty to place his wagers, so his bookie has to do it for him!”
Until August, Sportsfans…we leave you with our traditional Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’ like that!)
Air Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
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