STORE
INCIDENT YIELDS COMMERCIAL OFFER FOR PLAYER
MIAMI
BEACH, Florida (TMZ)…His team was on a bye. He was inebriated early on a Sunday morning. He was arrested. But his
efforts to acquire to items at a hotel retail shop by offering bubble-gum in
place of actual money invoked memories of a 1960’s vintage TV ad featuring a
young lad at the boardwalk who empties his pockets of change and ultimately
offers up a marble to successfully purchase a box of Crackerjacks. Officials at Wrigley’s,
Bazooka and Chiclets saw the nostalgic value of the event and have reportedly
offered endorsement deals to Jacksonville defensive back Dwayne Gratz. The cashier at the store, who
eventually had the persistent Jaguars player arrested, said, “I mighta’ cut him
a break if hadn’t actually been chewing
the gum to begin with!”
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
With the UNLV-UNR annual Battle for the Cannon
on-deck this Saturday, we note Miss
Nevada, Nia Sanchez, was crowned Miss USA this past June, despite the inability
to correctly identify the Silver State capital! The capital is, of course, Johnny Carson City?! We question the beauty queen’s residency! Sanchez thrice unsuccessfully ran for Miss California, but knew Nevada’s
nickname was the “Paddleboard State”!
As expected, USC balcony-jumper Josh Shaw finally
saw some action on D and special teams vs. UCLA. Defensive coaches drew up a
play in which he leapt from the uprights to stop a Bruins dive during an
attempted goal-line stand by the Trojans.
Ahead of UNLV’s game at Hawaii, Coach Hauck elected
to stay at a hotel just 30 minutes from Aloha Stadium to more closely-simulate
and a get in and get out contest as opposed to previous years in which the team
was housed at least an hour away. Considering the last-minute, referee-assisted
37-35 defeat to da’ Bows, Hauck plans to pitch team pup-tents along the
fitty-yard line inside the venue
during the next visit to the Islands!
Our Week 13 wagers went three-and-ouch! Utep (+8 ½) got whacked by RICE.
Air Force-SDSU “over” 50 ½ ended up 4 points “under”. WYOMING (+12 ½) was trashed
by Boise State, wasting a perfectly-good upset win by Maryland (+4 ½) over
MICHIGAN, and Boston College’s (+19) upset bid over FLORIDA STATE went for
naught as Marshall (-20) edged UAB.
The remaining games we considered in Week 13 went 4-3. The final
reasonably-full slate of games has us already putting money on Western Kentucky
+21 over MARSHALL (Fri), Ball State +9 ½ over BOWLING GREEN (Fri), Nebraska +1
over IOWA (Fri), Cincinnati -7 over TEMPLE and Joja’ Tech +12 ½ over JOJA’. We
also like…Boston College -10 over SYRACUSE, Rutgers +8 over MARYLAND, FLORIDA
STATE -8 ½ over Florida and Notre Dame
+7 over USC
Last week’s Jets-BILLS game was postponed and moved
to Ford Field in Detroit after snowfall left Ralph Wilson Stadium
uninhabitable. Players, coaches and staff were transported on snowmobiles to
the airport. Vindy’s spies, however, saw a lone cheerleader and her young son
actually taking a Snowcat, with an
axe-wielding Jack Nicholson in hot pursuit! Which reminds us….back in April, Niagara
Falls was beiing considered as a new venue for the Buffalo team, with games
temporarily being played in St. Catharine’s (Ontario, Canada) in the meantime.
Great…cheerleaders woulda’ included da’ MacKenzie Brothers…and two-point
conversions woulda’ involved use of a barrel, cascading water and serious
heights!
During the Eagles-Packers game not long ago, we
learned that communication between coach and NFL QB headsets abruptly ceases
with 15 seconds left on the play-clock. Sooooooo….is there suddenly nothin’ but
silence or is it up the individual stadium operator to randomly pipe-in Muzak? Opera?
Books-on-tape? Rosetta Stone lessons?
Duck calls? What?!
During the Sunday-nighter between the Cowboys and
da’ Giants, the referee ruled, despite replay clearly showing Odell Beckham Jr.
was hit outta’ bounds, the receiver “took a flop” and there was “no foul on the
play”. Flop?! In other major sports, that woulda’ drawn a technical foul on the
wide-out, sending an opposing player to the charity stripe to shoot two or put Beckham
in the penalty box for two minutes
for embellishment!
Jose Canseco’s claim that his reattached middle finger
(shot off while cleaning his gun) fell off during a recent poker tourney turned
out to be a hoax. Thank goodness! We were thinkin’ “Boy, when Jose goes “all-in”,
he means it!!!!” But takin’ no
chances, Wendy’s has filed a
restraining order to keep the former slugger at least 500 feet away from their chili!!!
Speaking of the fast-food giant… Hannah Pavlov,
track-and-field athlete at nearby Faith Lutheran here in Vegas, was awarded the
Wendy’s High School Heisman for the
state of Nevada last week. Apparently her competitors were too busy drooling at
sound of a bell to pose a challenge!
To the faithful readership….here’s hopin’ this
holiday weekend finds your favorite team stuffin’ more runs than turkeys!
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