HARVEY
MUFFS OT CALL, GIVES PLAY-OFF LIFE TO JETS
EAST
RUTHERFORD, New Jersey (AP)…After the visitors
rallied to send the contest into extra-frames, Steve Harvey, donning the
referee’s striped-uniform, oversaw the overtime coin-toss of the Jets-Patriots game
this Sunday, noting “It’s heads…New
England has won the toss and has elected to receive”. Moments later, Antonio
Cromartie returned the kick-off 89 yards for a seemingly come-from-behind, game-winning
score. But as the teams started to shake hands and jog off the grid-iron,
Harvey hustled onto the field, turned-on his mic and said, “Oh, wait…I must apologize…it’s tails.” A flustered officiating crew gathered and conferred. And
after reviewing indisputable video-evidence that the currency did, in fact, land
on “tails”, nullified the touchdown and re-positioned the teams for the Jets to
receive the ensuing kick, leading to an end zone reception by the Jets’ Eric
Decker and the triumph!
With today’s slate yet to be finalized as we go to
press, we’ll add the results to our next forecast, but through the games of December
29, we went 6-7 thus far for Part II (11-14 currently on the bowl season).
As part of a Secret-Santa thing, Quentin Tarantino, famous,
of course, fer “Kill Bill: Vol. 1” and the sequel “Kill Bill: Vol. 2”, among
other twisted-flicks, left a “Magic Crazy-88’s
Ball” as a present under yer nifty-narrator’s Christmas tree Vindy reciprocated
by giving the director-in-question a Hattori
Hanzo sword (forged from, fer da’ Game
of Thrones fans, Valyrian steel),
and a sneak-preview of…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2015-16 BOWL PREDICTIONS PART III
(More
lethal than the five-point-palm exploding-heart
technique!)
DEC.
31
CHICK-FIL-A
PEACH BOWL (@ Atlanta, GA)
#14
Houston (+7) over #9 Florida State: Tribe QB Everett Golson
didn’t make the trip to Atlanta fer Da’ Noles. Sean Maguire, who’s been da’ Man
since early November is an adequate substitute, though less of a running-threat,
which means it might be a battle of ground-games featuring State’s RB Dalvin
Cook against Coogs QB Greg Ward, who leads the club in passing yardage, rushing
yardage and can catch the ball as
well, making us wonder if Coach Tom Herman and/or OC Major Applewhite might
draw-up some sort of pass-play to Ward!
Cougars mysteriously lost at…UConn…in surprisingly-minimal-scoring tilt.
Everett Golson is still in Tallahassee. If Maguire goes down, it’s all on Cook.
Chief Osceola and da’ guys lost by 10 at Clemson and…hmmm…6 at down-Joja’ Tech.
Both sides stop the rush effectively. FSU’s seeking redemption for an ugly CFP
semi-final loss last year. But in da’ Chic-Philly
Bowl, do they care enough?...Renegade
29 UH 27
CAPITAL
ONE ORANGE BOWL (CFP semi-final) (@ Miami Gardens, FL)
#1
Clemson (+3) over #4 Oklahoma: Following loss to
Texas, Oklahoma was considered by many to be the hottest team, in I-A ball,
completing the regular-season. We’ll not challenge that assessment. No
doubt Coach Stoops will play-up last season’s Russell Athletic Bowl’s 40-6 demise
at the hands of Clemson (who was +5 in turnovers), however we can’t really invest in the “revenge” factor,
given that contest meant little for either side. Both teams were balanced in
scoring touchdowns, with basically an equivalent number of rushing and passing
sixes. Each club allowed an average of 20-and-change points per games against,
though Sooners did so against 4 teams that finished in the top 9 in scoring
points per contest, while only North Carolina represented the ACC in the top
11. Tigers have been ‘dogs in each of the last three years’ bowl-outings…and won all
of ‘em outright. The Tigers bested three Top-25 opponents...all are still currently Top 10. Boomer-Schooner got past five ranked opponents…three retain
their hashmarks…all at #11 and below (though TCU holds the #10-spot in the
Coaches Poll). In a duel of star sophomore quarterbacks …Deshaun Watson and…Mayor Augustus Maywho…er…um…Baker Mayfield…we’ll
take… Clemson 27 Oklahoma 24
GOODYEAR
COTTON BOWL CLASSIC (CFP semi-final) (@ Arlington, TX)
#3
Michigan State (+10) over #2 Alabama: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Tide
gets another semi-final crack at a Big Tentacle team, but instead of trying to
defend a lower-string QB like last year, Senior starter Connor Cook is behind
center for the Spartans. Nobody on the State sideline remembers the last
meeting between these two squads, which ended in a 49-7 rout by ‘Bama in
2010. Saban’s team has notched all its
victories vs. everyone other than Tennessee by double-digits. Like Clemson, MSU
has won and covered post-season outings in each of the previous three years…all
in the ‘dog role. Sports
Illustrated botched a recent mag cover, naming Spartans coach as “Mike”
rather than “Mark” D’Antonio. Coulda’ been worse.
Coulda’ been “Monk” or…(Gasp!)...”Mork”!
We’ll side with recent history and give the dog a look outright since we’re
taking the generous points...Nanu-nanu 23 Elephants 21
JAN.
1
OUTBACK
BOWL (@ Tampa, FL)
#12
Northwestern (+8 ½) over Tennessee: Vols 27 Wildcats 24
BUFFALO
WILD WINGS CITRUS BOWL (Orlando, FL)
#17
Michigan (-4) over #19 Florida: Seniors for Michigan
will remember a 33-28 loss to South Carolina in the 2012 post-season. Harbaugh
would be happy to belt an SEC team in his first year. Florida’s got a new OC,
but these aren’t his guys on the
field. Vindy’s spies say Gators will
try to get UM off its game by running a series of insurance company
commercials/videos on YouTube featuring Jake
Ruddock from Ohio State Farm!...Maize
(and Blue) Runner 27 Crocs 12
BATTLEFROG
FIESTA BOWL (@ Glendale, AZ)
#8
Notre Dame vs. #7 Ohio State (“under 56”): OSU was doing
the unthinkable with less this time last season. Only Virginia Tech and…(Acckkk!)...Maryland…???!! reached 20 points or more vs. da’ Buckeyes. Sole
Irish- defeats came by 2-each…at CFP #1 Clemson and, in surprising shoot-out,
at Stanford. In August, Columbus
fans fans hoofed it by shoe-leather express 19
miles to spell out the trademark- script “Ohio” on Google Maps. We just wanna’ know who still had the moxie left to
dot the “I” after that trek!!! ! In da’ Saddleflog…um…Bramblebog…
er…Cattlegrog…Balrog (?!)
bowl...State 27 Who’s Yer Laddie?! 20
ROSE
BOWL GAME PRESENTED BY NORTHWESTERN MUTUAL (@ Pasadena, CA)
#6
Iowa (+6 1/2) over #5 Stanford: Hawkeyes lost one
game…the Big Tensor Conference championship…by 3. Iowa covered just 7 of 12,
but were favored in all but two ‘em.
Coach Kirk Ferentz was runner-up for coach of Da’ Year. Iowa prefers to play
defensive, low-scoring contests (35 to Minnesota notwithstanding). Trees’ D not
quite as efficient in 2015 (23+ ppg allowed) as it was in the prior three
seasons (all teens), but Cardinal rang-up 37+ ppg, most since 2011. We didn’t
think Nebraska could beat UCLA. We have faith in Iowa’s ability to knock off Stanford. The SU band was forbidden in
May to travel to road games due to using illicit drugs, traditionally giving a
member a drink intended to make him/her toss his/her cookies in the open and
choosing prospects based on inappropriate inquiries about matters of intimate
contact. Given the “neutral” site here, we expect somebody from the
tuba-section to smoke some weed and hurl on someone’s private parts during the
halftime performance!… Iowa 26 Stanford 20
ALLSTATE
SUGAR BOWL (@ New Orleans, LA)
#16
Mississippi (-7 1/2) over #13 Oklahoma State: We changed our
initial pick here. Consider yerselves duly-advised. We ain’t supportin’ a
lotta’ favorites in this edition, but thought Ole Miss worthy. Motivation goes to the Rebels, who were blasted by TCU in
last season’s Peach Bowl. State has been vulnerable to the pass. Mississippi
will however, face the Cowboys (who took ten straight before defeats by Baylor
and Oklahoma), without talented DT Robert Nkemdiche, who gets to ride the pine
for possession of Mary Jane and falling (twice?!) from a hotel window. The
All-American avoided significant injury when he landed on the oversized doobie
he was smokin’ at the time… Ole Miss 41 ‘Pokes 31
JAN.
2
TAXSLAYER
BOWL (@ Jacksonville, FL)
Georgia
vs Penn State (“under 42”): Former Vandy coach
James Franklin is no stranger to the Bulldogs, having been blasted 48-3 between
da’ hedges in 2012 and winning 31-27 at home in 2013. Lions went 7-5 outright,
Joja’ absorbed just 3 defeats in 12 games, but winds up here (though at least it’s
after the ball fell in Times Square!).
Other than lotsa’ stupidity by the PSU offense in 39-point loss at
CFP-contender Michigan State, the D was pretty good. The Alma Mater finished
losing 4 of last 6 and three straight. Thrifty Lions went under in four of five non-conference tilts. ‘Dawgs went under in 8
of their games as well. Happy Valley’s
football team took the gridiron this season sans
player names. SoCal and Our Lady of Quasimodo are the only other squads to do
so. Queue-up Cat Stevens and sing it with us…”I’ve been..through the end zone
on a back with no naaaame…It felt good to be out of…the plaaaaay.”…Canines
20 Felines 13
AUTOZONE
LIBERTY BOWL (@ Memphis, TN)
Kansas
State vs. Arkansas (“over 55 ½”): Razorbacks 49 Purple
Persians 27
VALERO
ALAMO BOWL (@ San Antonio, TX)
#15
Oregon (+1 1/2) over #11 Texas Christian: Almost formally-chose
the “over 78 ½” here too. Oregon gets relegated to this one a year removed from
national championship loss to Ohio State. A loss to Wazzou punctuated a poor
3-3 beginning for the Mallards, but Drakes finished with six consecutive wins.
No worries about the lengthy lay-off for OR because high-scoring, low-D matches
are Oregon’s usual MO. Vernon Adams improved over the second-half, adjusting to
I-A play. Horny Toads split their last four games of the season vs. the titans
of the Big 12 and can bang the scoreboard too. Ducks will field their usual
stick-figure defense and Texas Christian has contacted Discover Card to ensure it has “frog-protection”,
“fraud-protection”, “frog”, “fraud”, “frog”….Quack
Attack 44 TCU 38
MOTEL
6 CACTUS BOWL (@ Phoenix, AZ)
West
Virginia vs. Arizona State (“over 63 ½”): BTW, next year,
not to be outdone by a rival hotel, one of the San Diego post-season match-ups
will be the Holiday Inn Holiday Bowl!...Mounties
48 Spun Devils 30
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
If Olivia Newton-John
reprised her role in Grease for da’
presidential-election or da’ College Football Playoffs committee, would she
admit, “Hope-lesslyyyy…we voteddddd…fer you!”
SB Nation revealed an excerpt from the new biography of Nick Saban, who said he’d
only commit adultery with “Hillary F…..ing Rodham Clinton”, going on to further
explain that “Ultimately you never want to sleep with anybody who has less to
lose than you do.” Guess which SEC coach got himself the Democratic nom for Veep on the “Clinton 2016” ticket!
Meanwhile, Vindy’s plans to
bed Kim Kardashian, Lindsey Lohan and Miley Cyrus have since been scuttled!
Having a little fun with
the name-snafu, D’Antonio had his school photo-shop
the same cover to feature a certain
combination-utensil image and use the same font to spoof the magazine as “Sporks Illustrated”!
Last summer, the Princeton
Review announced its Top Twenty Party Schools. Settin’ the bar….University of Illinois. Oh
sure…like a hometown of Champagne, Illinois wasn’t a dead giveaway??!!! Helping
garner a top-three hat-trick for the conference…Iowa and Wisconsin at #2 and #,
3 respectively! And to make matters worse… the Alma Mater checks-in at unlucky
#13, to give the Oktoberfest Tent-Peg
Conference four teams among the Top 20…to which we here at Vindy’s Picks responds “Party on, Ft. Wayne!” (Oh wait…that’s in Indiana!). While a preponderance of the
guilty parties dot the map of the northeastern part of the U.S., da’ SEC did
make its presence known, offering #8 Joja’, #12 Ole Miss and #14 Florida. In
the 17-hole was…DePauw???!!!
Arrrghhhh! Much to our chagrin, all three 5-7 bowlers (San Josie, Nebraska and Minnesota) won outright in their respective games! Kill
us now!!!!!! Couldn’t we mimic the college hoops
system and have some sorta’ play-in games (Raise yer hand if ya remember when
there was just one of these!) for
sub-.500 teams?! That would at least reduce the number of clubs with losing records from 3 to 2 (while giving
a fourth 5-7 team full of Poindexters a chance!). Uggghhhh!!!!! Surely
for the qualifiers-in-question, “APR” stands for Average Punt Rate!
Overheard lyrics on a
classic AC/DC vinyl during the
holidays….”Suck on my Big Ten-Grinch...Record!”
Black
Shirt: We’re personally monogrammin’ the tee for Indy
kicker Griffin Oakes fer missin’ a 38-yard FG in OT to give Duke (+2 ½) the straight-up
win we predicted! Honorable Mention to Virginia Tech LB Leon Clarke, who
started 11 games, posting 77 tackles for da’ Hokies and then got himself suspended for the Independence Bowl,
contributing, we suspect, to not only Tulsa’s cover, but near-victory vs. VT (who apparently-played [Justin] Bieber-Ball in the
shoot-out victory, instead of customary Beamer-Ball [defense and special-teams
excellence])!
Bowls Part III Best Bets: Last Week: 1-0
Season: 43-34-1 (.558)
Michigan vs. Florida “under 39 ½”, West Virginia PK
over Arizona State
Next up…the final post of the season…containing our thoughts
on the National Championship match-up, the annual bowl recap…and lotsa’ Leftover Hash!
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