PATS
OPEN SEASON WITH UNTESTED QB
GLENDALE,
Arizona (FOX News)…The New England football team seemingly
can’t catch a break. With veteran star-quarterback Tom Brady already suspended
for four tilts after reinstatement of his Deflategate
punishment, expected-and-nominally-experienced replacement Jimmy Garoppolo will
ride the pine for the first two games in the wake of the decision by
Commissioner Roger Goodell to lower the boom on the second-year man for using
under-inflated Poke-Balls to capture
the mythical creatures while playing Pokemon
Go. The unfortunate turn-of-events leaves the perennial Super Bowl-contender
with third-round draft pick (and Florida cast-off) Jacoby Brissett out of NC
State running the offense on the road versus the Cardinals and hosting the
Dolphins a week later.
Meanwhile, in Sin City, Vindicator jumped outta’ da
gate with a nifty10-6 (.625) effort to start the new season (showing
double-digit wins to begin the campaign for the third time in five years), hitting his “lock of da’ week” and four of
six “best bet” selections. Hopin’ to avoid bear-traps, open man-holes, oncoming
traffic and sportsbook security, our prestigious prognosticator puts down his own smart-phone long enough to track and
capture dubyas for…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2016 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Sponsored by E-Harmony…and “making plans for later
in case these bets don’t go well”)
FRI.
SEPT. 9
#13
Louisville (-14 ½) over SYRACUSE: Cardinals 35 Orange 16
SAT.
SEPT. 10
#1
ALABAMA (-28) over Western
Kentucky: Sammich’ game for Tide, having faced USC last week and trip to
Ole Miss up next, but then ‘Bama players probably forewent post-game showers
because their uniforms were still dry after crushing Southern Cal. Hilltoppers
finished 2015 season with nation’s 3rd best scoring-offense at 44+
ppg (yielding only to a pair of Big 12 squads…Baylor and Texas Tech) despite
non-tone-setting 14-12 slogger victory over Vandy to kick-off the year. WKU had
been poor 2-6 road dog the past three years, but dropped a 28-point decision in
Baton Rouge. Tide defense can stifle WKY’s offense and will be on watch for
flea-flicker the Toppers pulled-off vs. Rice…Elephants 48 Western KY 17
Troy
(+36) over #2 CLEMSON: Tigers
have
been a collective coin-toss laying juice at home the past two seasons and off tough
contest at Auburn. Trojans have lotsa’ upperclassmen expected to start and have
covered eight of previous dozen in away-dog role, including road tilts at
Wisconsin and Mississippi State in 2015. CU can spend next two weeks resting
and healing starters while giving reserves some live-fire field-time…Clemson 34
Troy 10
Charleston
Southern @ #3 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Tulsa
(+29) over #4 OHIO STATE: Our thanks to the Golden Hurricane
for bringin’ in one of our “best bet” choices in Week 1, allowing just 10
points to San Josie after yielding 40 ppg in 2015. Tulsa’s been a very
profitable road dog the past three seasons. Nearly half of State’s 94 plays on offense
vs. Bowling Green went for first-downs…Buckeyes 42 Tulsa 20
#5
MICHIGAN (-35) over Central Florida: Big Blue 51 UCF 14
Lamar
@ #6 HOUSTON: No line.
#7
Stanford: IDLE (next vs. Southern Cal)
#8
WASHINGTON (-37 ½) over Idaho: Second choice for
“lock”. We question the Vandals’
motivation given they’re playing in next-to-last season of FBS before returning
to the I-AA ranks from which they came and narrow 20-17 win over FCS Montana
State. With USC embarrassed by ‘Bama, and Oregon and Stanford not terribly-
impressive early, UDUB might very-well be the team to take the 12-PAC this
year. Idaho absorbed just one defeat by this many in the past two years, but
Sled Dogs did us a solid and blew-out Rutgers as predicted. We like ‘em again
here…Huskies 48 Taters 7
Nicholls
State @ #9 GEORGIA: No line.
Akron
@ #10 WISCONSIN (“under 47”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Badgers
31 Zips 3
Texas-El
Paso (+28 ½) over #11 TEXAS: Steers 34 UTEP 24
#12
Michigan State: IDLE (next @ Notre Dame)
#14
OKLAHOMA (-46) over UL-Monroe: Normally, we’d consider
this a sammich game with Sooners having a big date in Columbus next
weekend, but given the “upset” loss to Houston and the inability of a
defensively-thin Warhawks squad to provide any resistance, Sooners should race
to the blowout and possibly just their third shutout in 3+ seasons…“Broklahoma”
58 Weeziana-Monroe 0
Iowa
State (+16) over #16 IOWA: Cyclowns were one of the victims of
the lower-division teams playing the big boys this past weekend, losing 25-20
to Northern Iowa. State’s under new management this year, having won grand
total of 8 games in three seasons, but returns 16 starters. The past five tilts
in this series have seen final margins of 3, 3, 6, 3 and 14, with State going
3-2 SU/ATS. Two of the straight-up Dust Devils’ victories came here in Iowa
City. ISU has unwinnable trip to TCU next, so why not salvage the season with a
best-effort here… Hawkeyes 23 ISU 13
Virginia
Tech (+10 ½) over #17 Tennessee (@ Bristol, TN): Here
at Bristol Speedway, the officiating crew will wave caution flags instead of
throwing regular ones when penalties occur. Apparition State missed a couple
kicks and couldn’t corral Vols’ OT fumble so Tennessee is on borrowed time.
Makes us wonder if Rocky Top, who’ve won and covered its past three
neutral-site games, might get that coveted spot as the SEC East’s usual-suspect
in the “preseason Top 10-to- post-season-poll oblivion” we noted in Week One…Vols
24 VT 20
Nevada-Reno
(+27 ½) over #18 NOTRE DAME: Irish 34 UNR 12
Wofford
@ #19 MISSISSIPPI: No line.
Arkansas
@ #15 TCU (+8): UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Toads have won 14
straight in Ft. Worth and beaten 11 of last dozen non-Big 12 opponents. Hogs
have knocked-off 12 of 15 non-SEC foes and covered 8 of 11 vs. non-conference. Neither
side has excelled in recent years in one-possession games, but surely, someone
(‘Bama and Joja’ notwithstanding) has to step-up and represent for the SEC,
especially the West Division…Pork Loin 27 Frog Legs 20
Prairie
View @ #20 TEXAS A&M: No line.
Jacksonville
State @ #21 LSU: No line.
Central
Michigan (+20 ½) over #22 OKLAHOMA STATE: Cowpokes 41
Chippies 27
Southern
Methodist (+31) over #23 BAYLOR: Da’ Bears 51 Pony
Express 30
Virginia
@ #24 OREGON (“over 70 ½”): Despite a 4-8 SU
record, Da’ Cavs were betting-gold for backers last season, going 8-3-1 (.708)
against the spread (by Covers.com
numbers, good enough for 7th-best in Division I-A), 8-2-1 (.800) in
FBS play. Da’ ‘Cuse went 4-8 SU as well, but 8-4 ATS (.667). Meanwhile,
championship contestants ‘Bama and Clemson each went 8-7 ATS, a
barely-profitable .533 (tied for 61st). Sadly, the Mendenhall years
suffered an inaugural 17-point defeat to in-state rival Richmond. Da’ Mallards
continue to display weakness on D, yielding 28 to UC Davis on The Pond (failing
to cover -47 ½). Wahoos have actually won ATS in their last six vs. ranked foes…Drakes
54 Virginia 27
Florida
Atlantic (+24) over #25 MIAMI: No faith in this
selection. Gone from Da’ Canes’ sideline is Joe Paterno understudy Al Golden.
Replacing him is Coach Mark Richt, who couldn’t appease the folks in Athens
enough to keep his job there. A 70-3
thrashing of I-AA Florida A&M is a nice start, but not much of a gauge.
FAU’s over-flowing cup of returning experience was barely enough to fend-off
the Salukis. Pelicans have won and covered both contests vs. the Owls since
2013, taking those by 34 and 24. UM has gone 7-2-1 ATS as home faves the past
two seasons while FAU has covered just one of its last five vs. a Top 25 opponent,
though went to extra-frames vs. the Gators last year. ‘Canes need to avoid a
flag-fest…Miami 37 FAU 17
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
BTW, an anonymous sports-writer tweeted that “given
the quarterback situation, already an underdog against the Cardinals, Bill
Belichick might as well have (former-actress) Jacqueline Bisset under center”. (In his defense, Brissett did post
a 43-11 TD-pass-to-pick ratio in his collegiate endeavors).
BTW, the Sooners off-Broadway play-in-question
noted-above coulda’ also been called “Manny,
Git Yer Shot-Gun…Quarterback”!!!!
BONUS
COVERAGE: No spread-pick, but a few thoughts on Nevada-Las
Vegas @ UCLA: Rebels off to
promising start, beating I-AA Jackson State by fitty (covering a 39-point spread, BTW). Bruins, currently favored
by 26, may hit the gridiron slowly at first after OT loss to A&M, but
should pick-up steam. Not certain Nebraska-transfer QB Johnny Stanton can keep
Vegas within less than four touchdowns, but at least he’s seen big-time
competition up-close and personal. We remind the local faithful that UNLV
dented the board for 80 last season vs. FCS Idaho State, but would win just 2
more games (over Reno and Hawaii) while covering just four times overall. The
host does however go to BYU next. The
hometown heroes have gone 4-1-1 ATS the last four seasons getting at least 25
points. The lone spread-loss in that time? UCLA’s 37-3 triumph in the 2015
version of this one.
The UNLV O-line calls itself…Da’ Orcas (who “like to
think of the defensive linemen as seals”).
They’re bigger and stronger than last year’s versions, but there’s no chance
that San Diego State will move its home-game vs. the Rebels in early October
from Qualcomm Stadium to…SeaWorld!
The Rebels also recently got a response to their
application to join the Big 12. It read, “Thank you for playing, but we’ve got some lovely parting-gifts for ya backstage.”
Currently playing on da’ Big Screen…Kubo and Da’ Two Strings….but enough
about the amount of ‘Bama’s depth-chart
that will enter the Western Kentucky game in da’ second-quarter and finish-out
da’ contest!
In related news, in August, the SoCal bookstore was
trollin’ ‘Bama by selling cardinal and gold tees adorned with the words “Roll
Tears Roll”. Guess those unsold undergarments will get shipped-off to some
impoverished nation in Africa like Clemson’s National Title tees and The
Carolina Panthers’ Super Bowl championship apparel!
We’re seriously
unhappy with local rag Las Vegas
Review-Journal decision to stop publishing box scores for Top 25 in lieu of
Mountain Jest games and select PAC-12 contests! Interestingly-enough, local
casinos are now putting spreads up on selected FBS-FCS match-ups on their
betting-boards. Hmmmmmm.
Hooray (Again!)
for da’ little guys…we offered our thoughts last week on probabilities of FCS
teams beating I-A clubs. Clearly, we missed a few of those match-ups, but kudos
to: Albany (22-16 over Buffalo), the aforementioned Northern Iowa Panthers,
then-#4 FCS Richmond (37-20 over Virginia) and then-#17 Eastern Washington
(45-42 over Wazzou). Meanwhile, these FBS groups narrowly-escaped: UConn (24-21
over Maine), Florida Atlantic (38-30 over Southern Illinois), Idaho (20-17 over
then-#13 Montana), Nevada-Reno (30-27 over Cal Poly), Texas-San Antonio (26-13
over ‘Bama State) and Michigan State (28-13 over Furman, failing to cover -39).
Of the 21 inter-sub-division contests this week, we
believe the most-likely FCS wins will come from…Elon at CHARLOTTE,
Bethune-Cookman at NORTH TEXAS, and Southern at TULANE.
Two days after acquiring a
victory in Super Bowl Fitty, Peyton Manning gathered his offensive line,
lined-up under center and audibled “Mardi *Graaaaaas*!”
In related news…never
overly-skilled with a brush and oils or enamels, after a long, arduous opening
Saturday watchin’ college final-scores roll in, Vindy nonetheless found himself
“paintin’ on Sunday mornin’” (Oh
wait…!).
Aaron Rodgers’ brother,
Jordan, made his debut on The
Bachelorette last Spring. He received a rose from that annoying kid from
the State Farm commercials then stole
his older sibling’s “Discount Double-Check” move!
In August, an Olympic kayaker capsized after hitting
an “underwater sofa”. The folks at IKEA
in Rio could not be reached for comment.
“Wish
We Had It Back”: Hawaii +41 over MICHIGAN. Yep, we’ve got
“buyer’s remorse” for taking UH even after noting a second long trip following
the Australia outing, ongoing defensive difficulties and Jim Harbaugh’s
likelihood of piling on.
“Locked
in a Box?”: Following
a disappointing “lock” season in 2015, our humble narrator guesses correctly to get the cover by K-State
over Stanford to begin the campaign at 1-0 (1.000).
Black
Shirt: This season’s inaugural ebony undergarment for best
performance or “performance” that benefitted our forecast the previous week
goes to…Texas DE Naashon Hughes for deflecting a FG try in the 3rd
Quarter of the ‘Horns eventual win over
the Irish (backing our “minor upset pick of da’ week #2”) in 2OT. Honorable
mention to Penn State QB Trace McSorley for a fumble that was returned for a
score, helping “best bet” pick Kent State stay close enough to get the cover.
Shoppe
Talk: THE Buckeyes of THE Ohio State Uni open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe for 2016 after
ending up yet again on the wrong side of the forecast, running the record to
4-8-1 (.333) going back to last season. Northern Illinois is officially on
notice after falling outright to
Wyoming as 10 ½-point chalk, costing us a four-team parlay that otherwise correctly
had Kent State +21, Southern Miss +6 and TEXAS +3 ½.
Vindy’s
Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-2 Season:
4-2 (.667) Ohio -2 ½ over KANSAS, Kentucky +16 over FLORIDA,
Kentucky-FLORIDA “under” 47 ½, Joja’ Sudden -12 over SOUTH ALABAMA, NEBRASKA
-25 over Wyoming and SAN DIEGO STATE -7 over Cal 
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