QUARTERBACK LOSES PATENT BID
ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (AP)…New Patriots QB Tom Brady’s attempt to trademark the nickname “Tom Terrific” recently went down-in-flames as the United States Patent Office made it clear the moniker-in-question solely belongs to former Mets star-hurler Tom Seaver. Brady personally-eschewed the label, claiming he simply wanted to prevent unauthorized-use by others. The decision left the sixth-round selection out of Big Blue in the 2000 NFL Draft relegated to trying to capture sole-rights to cartoon-car-racer driver’s epithet...Tom Slick (raise yer hand if yer old-enuff to remember Tom Slick!)!
We managed to rebound from a sub-standard opening-try to post a more-reasonable 10-7-1 (20-18-1, .526). This past May, ruing the “Game of Thrones” finale, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y. quipped “It’s like, ugh, this was written by men”. Ironically, said-politician would re-iterate the criticism after reading...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 3 FORECAST
(As scribed in Sharpie on an alternative-map of the SEC!)
FRIDAY DA’ 13TH
#20 Washington State vs. Houston (“over 76”) (@ NRG Stadium, Houston, TX). The locale is within an Army PT fun-run from the campus, making it essentially a home-game for UH. Rising-Wazzou has logged 117-points across its initial two tilts and improved from 30 to 37 ppg last season with just four starters back on that side of ball. Houston hit the board fer 31, but ceded 49 in Norman and has one of the worst Returning Player Ratings on D according to Marc Lawrence. If ya like backin’ ‘dogs, the aforementioned-tout notes Houston (+6 ½) is now 13-1-1 getting more than 1-point over past three-plus years...State 44 “We Have a Problem” 39
SAT. SEPT. 14 (Full moon...jus’ sayin’!)
SYRACUSE (+27) over #1 Clemson: CU 37 ‘Cuse 20
#2 Alabama (-25 ½) over SOUTH CAROLINA: Gamecocks senior starting-quarterback Brantley was lost in opening defeat by UNC and won’t play here. Both his back-ups are redshirt-freshmen. Is it just us or has anyone-else out there recognized that an acronym of Tide’s coach’s name is “A Snack Bin”???!!! We thank St. Nick fer callin’-off da’ dogs with 10 minutes left, up fitty-two, permitting the NMSU Aggies to cover the obnoxious 55-point spread (as we predicted)! Mere tilt vs. SoMiss on-tap fer UA...Lobster roll, Tide, roll...Pachyderms 42 Poultry 7
Arkansas State @ #3 GEORGIA (“under 59 ½): Neither squad brings back much experience on the offensive-side of da’ ball, yet da’ cups runneth-over on the respective-stop-squads. Red Wolves pounded UNLV a bit more-heavily than we thought they would. Dawgs’, now 20-8 ATS in past 28 contests, posted just 30 against inexperienced Vandy stop-squad. ASU shows lotsa’ juniors and seniors on defense, and with said-NC-spread-win have improved to 4-11 in non-Fun Belt play of late... Redhawks lost by fitty at “Bama in 2018...Joja’ 30 ASU 16
Ucla @ #4 OKLAHOMA (“under 73 ½”): ‘Bama-transfer Jalen Hurts is still adjusting to a plethora of new faces on offense and may see an early-out given visit by Red Raiders up next. Despite returning 19 starters, Bruins have struggled on offense in turnover-prone defeat at Cincy and upset-demise by road-dog-Sudzu (who recorded first scoreboard-win over UCLA in 23 tries!) as 8 ½-poit chalk, debunking designation as Phil Steele’s #12 Most-Improved Team. Both sidelines will lean on their respective-defenses for now...Boomer Schooner 41 UCLA 24
Northwestern State @ #5 LSU: No line.
#6 Ohio State (-15 ½) over INDIANA: Buckeyes 42 Hoosiers 24
#7 NOTRE DAME (-37) over New Mexico: Best Guess fer “Wish We Had It Back”. Lobos, off a bye week, edged FCS then-#22 Sam Houston State 39-31 and per Marc Lawrence, covered just 3 of last 19 vs. .800 or better foes. Only-caveat is Leprechauns’ (also resting last week) trip “between da’ hedges” the following-Saturday...Irish 49 New Mexico 10
#8 Florida (-8) over KENTUCKY: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Initially, lost our minds tryin’ to make a call here on side or total! In this year’s Playbook.Com mag, Marc Lawrence suggested betting-on an undefeated 2018-19 season bowl-team taking points at home facing foe with also-perfect-record permitting 13 or more points-per-game-against. This week’s qualifier?...Yep...Wildcats! If KY had been playing fully-stocked, we’d definitely considered it, but Bluegrass Kittens will be without injured starting QB Terry Wilson and Gators are deep-enough to absorb absences of an important wide-out and corner-back this week. UK won 27-16 in 2018...in Da’ Swamp, one of only three SU defeats for UF. No reason to believe Florida won’t take this by double-digits with vanishing-Vols on next weekend’s slate...Gators 37 Kentucky 17
Kent State @ #9 AUBURN (“under 59 ½): Tigers 39 Flashes 3
#10 Michigan: IDLE (next @ Wisconsin)
Pittsburgh @ #11 PENN STATE (“under 53 ½): Alma Mater 29 Panthers 16
Idaho State @ #12 UTAH: No line.
Rice (+32 ½) over #13 Texas (@ Dallas, TX): Steers 49 Rice-A-Roni 19
#14 Wisconsin: IDLE (next vs. Michigan)
Lamar @ #15 TEXAS A&M: No line.
#16 UCF (-7 ½) over Stanford: Golden Knights 38 Cardinal 24
Montana @ #17 OREGON: No line.
#18 Iowa @ IOWA STATE (“under 44 ½”): State was idle last week behind 3OT-triumph over FCS Northern Iowa, which led to the absence of a hashtag for this one. Birds are 2-0 against the line, but haven’t been tested, allowing just 14 total points to-date. Cyclones have gone 0-3 SU/1-2 ATS in this series last three years. Dust Devils have covered 19 of last 26 as ‘dogs and 8 of last 12 facing ranked-clubs...Iowa 20 ISU 19
#19 MICHIGAN STATE (-13 ½) over Arizona State: Sparty 29 Devils 13
Hawaii (+21) over #21 WASHINGTON: UDUB 38 UH 28
Kansas State (+7 ½) over #23 MISSISSIPPI STATE: UPSET ALERT...Dogs 27 ‘Cats 26
#24 Southern Cal (-4 ½) over BYU: Second-choice for “lock”. The only thing that could make this a worse spot for da’ Coogs would be a change of venue to The Coliseum. Mormons overcame 10-point intermission-hole to pull even with a lone-tick on the clock, ultimately-edging Tennessee in a pair of extra-frames. That victory is somewhat-tarnished however, given Vols loss at the hands of Joja’ State. Meanwhile, 12-PACK has not helped itself with unranked conference squads takin’ down conference-opponents in the Top 25. Troy, now 1-7 ATS in non-conference play the past two-plus seasons grabbed Phil Steele’s #6 Most-Improved Team rating...SoCal 35 BYU 24
#25 Maryland @ TEMPLE (“over 64”): Queue-up “Who Let Da’ Terps Out?!”...woof...woof, woof..da’ woof! [Oh wait...!]. Little was expected from Box Turtles team returning just 9 starters and being guided by a new HC for 4th consecutive season, yet ex-Tide OC Mike Locksley has MD showing 2-0 SU/1-0 ATS to the tune of collective 142-20 on the scoreboard. Tough to argue with that kinda’ momentum and we may regret not layin’ the points. Owls, 3-1 as home-dogs past three campaigns, are off a bye following 44-point victory over I-AA Bucknell. Not much of a gauge on Temple, but we’ll take that win to mean they can score. Amphibians in payback-mode having lost by three-TDs last year...Terrapins 41 Barnyard Fowl 31
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, we don’t know what Brady’s alias “TB12”...Tampa Bay Dozen?!...has to do with the reportedly G.O.A.T! Jus’ sayin’!
ESPN’s “The Body Issue” arrived in the mail over the weekend. Vindy’s photo-shoot (featuring da’ “flex-i-ble"-forecaster [hey, we spend every off-season training with Hans und Franz] sportin’ nada but strategically-placed parlay cards!) was nowhere to be found in the entire publication. “Da’ Mag’s” editor apologized for the oversight and promised the pumped-up prognosticator three full-pages in next-year’s edition! (BTW, in June of last year, fellow Penn State alum RB Saquon Barkley showed full-backfield nudity in that special-publication!)
Errata...upon further-review by an independent accounting-company, our picks actually suffered a 10-11 (.476) (BTW, we’re blamin’ da’ Clintons for that mistake) outcome fer Week 1 rather than the 10-10 result we published last fortnight. Let it be said, that among other things, if nuthin’ else, we have integrity!
Hooray Fer da' Little Guy Part III: The Salukis of Sudden Illinois crushed UMass 45-20! Other notable scores include Weeziana Tech 20-14 over Grambling State, Georgia State 48-42 over #11 Furman and Kent State 26-23 over #7 Kennesaw State. This week, if there's an upset, we're guessing it'll come from #6 Weber State @ UNR and/or #23 SE Weeziana @ (GASP!) MISSISSIPPI!
Hooray Fer da' Little Guy Part III: The Salukis of Sudden Illinois crushed UMass 45-20! Other notable scores include Weeziana Tech 20-14 over Grambling State, Georgia State 48-42 over #11 Furman and Kent State 26-23 over #7 Kennesaw State. This week, if there's an upset, we're guessing it'll come from #6 Weber State @ UNR and/or #23 SE Weeziana @ (GASP!) MISSISSIPPI!
What if that whole “Let Da’ Big-Dogs Eat”-gesture is really-meant to convey a nod to the classic Life-cereal commercial and ...”Let’s get Mikey to eat it!”???!!!
Mike Tyson is now-aspiring to be “da’ face of cannabis” in Sin City. Vindy’d be happy to purchith thum cannabith-producth from the former boxing champ! (Yeah, yeah...save the hate-mail fer somebody who cares!)
If any given QB “extends da’ ‘Broadway-play’", would it be Go-To-Guys & Dolls, Fiddler on Da’ Raise Da’ Roof, The Penn State Nittany-Lion King or A Chorus-Lineman???!!! More thoughts on this one next week!
Drama-Queen-WR Antonio Brown, amidst a practice, confronted Oakland’s Mike Maylock, calling him a “cracker”. Upon further review, the pass-catcher clarified he was merely suggesting the Raiders GM advising HC Jon Gruden to implement a play called “Blitz on a Ritz”!!!
In related-news, Oakland kicked said-”player” to da’ curb and signed da’ services of your humble-narrator at the position of...Golden Retriever! Ahead of getting' his silver-and-black jersey, Vindy signed a sworn-deposition that he had never been involved in any kind of cryo-therapy!
“Wish We Had It Back”: We’d like to revisit our Syracuse +2 over MARYLAND “lock of da’ week” having noted “though Orange getting some maybe-premature-respect...”
Black Shirt: Army QB Kelvin Hopkins Jr. fer takin’ a sack on final 2OT possession, keeping total from going “over” 47.
“Locked in a Box”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 1-1 (.500) ‘Cuse was a major no-show at Maryland!
Shoppe Talk: The Shoppe is adorned in stuffed-”Steekin’-Badgers” in wake of Wisky’s cumulative 0-3 (.000) production to-date. Nearby, we have the Bayou Bengals of LSU and Trees of Stanford, each at 0-2 (.000)!
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-0-1 (1.000) Season: 4-3-1 (.571)
Florida Atlantic –2 ½ over BALL STATE, Weeziana Tech –10 ½ over BOWLING GREEN, Buffalo –4 ½ over LIBERTY, Texas Tech –2 ½ over ARIZONA (an extremely-rare quartet-of-favorites!)
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