PARADE MISHAP DEFLATES PICKS
NEW YORK CITY, New York (AP)…With high-winds expected, local officials made a game-time decision to let the 93rd annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons fly, albeit at lower-levels than usual. Turns-out that was a bad call. As handlers for all the inflatables struggled to keep control, the Vegas Vindicator’s entry, an oversized (and over-inflated) parlay card noting his long-weekend choices, broke-away from its tethers and crashed into the nearby-Baby Shark balloon, causing both to spontaneously-combust, spraying flames and shards of latex everywhere, sending marchers and onlookers scurrying for cover. Scapegoating the fab forecaster, officials immediately-banned the Vindicator from any such future-event.
Our haggard-hero never did recover from that disaster as the Week 14 preferred-five selections went 1-4 (25-20, .556) and a single-Memphis point short of a “Why the hell did we bother?!”-O-fer!
Scramblin’ outside da’ Hot Pocket and just throwin’-away...
THE WEBER KID’S 2019 CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK FORECAST
(Declarin’ itself punt-safe from Black Friday and Cyber-Monday!)
FRI. DEC. 6
PAC-12 CHAMPIONSHIP (@ SANTA CLARA, CA)
#5 Utah vs. #13 Oregon (“under 47”): Only three of Utah’s contests ended-up badly-missing this total “over”. The remaining-nine finished truly-below or within a FG of “under”. UO has seven games beneath-the-number here. Reviewing Top-25 opposition, neither side has seen much of it. Quack Attack fell in neutral-site opener by 6 vs. Auburn squad that just upended ‘Bama and eased-past then-ranked UDUB at Seattle. Utes also secured slight-victory at Washington, which was subsequently-without the hashtag before whacking up-and-down poll-worthy Stun Devils. Utah, if it gets up large in the beginning, could try to pile-on in a try to impress CFP Committee likely to award it the fourth-spot playoff, assuming LSU beats Joja’ and the Sooners lose to Baylor, but we don’t think Drakes will let the game get outta’ hand. For those old-enuff to remember a variant on the game of “tag”, we say “Duck”, “Duck”... ”Utes” 23 Decoys 20
SAT. DEC. 7
SEC CHAMPIONSHIP (@ ATLANTA, GA)
#1 Louisiana State (-7) over #4 Georgia: Texas A&M played the ‘Dawgs tough to a 19-13 loss. Tigers made those same Aggies looked like sumthin’ closer to the Texas State Bobcats, going to the post-match locker-room up 50-7. The name on a LSU QB fan’s jersey in that one read “Burreaux”. Should Bengals not win (and cover here), Joe’s actual jersey-moniker will spell “Burro” and he’ll be relegated to play the rest of his bowl-season south-of-da'-border (or at best, in the U.S. desert-southwest!). State won 36-16 in 2018 in Baton Rouge and we see no significant degradation (in fact, only improvement) on the LSU sideline to warrant much-alteration of that final result in 2019, minus change-of-venue to a neutral-location...Creole Cougars 34 Georgia 20
BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP (@ INDIANAPOLIS, IN)
#2 Ohio State vs. #10 Wisconsin (“over 56”): Badgers proved themselves to be posers with back-to-back defeats in October. Decisive-victory against Gilded Gerbils is nice, but while Minny had a great season, it could easily have dropped game vs. The Alma Mater. Buckeyes’ mere 28-17 besting of the lions can be attributed as much to mistakes/flags on their own side, but are humming on offense. Wisky’s 38-7 regular-season demise refuted a pair of Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com trends noting Madison covered previous five in second of consecutive games away and 8 of 9 following game vs. the Illini. We’ll concede a couple extras scores in the rematch and say...Scarlet & Gray 42 Badgers 24
#3 Clemson vs. #22 Virginia (+28 ½): FYI, second-choice here was “over 54 ½”. No recent history between the two since Cavs got their Wahoos handed to ‘em 59-10 by the Tigers in 2013. Unless an unlikely result occurs in the SEC Title game earlier in the day, style-points won’t spare Clemson from the inevitable 2-3 match-up. Five of Virginia’s previous six contests soared above this total, but Cavaliers didn’t play anyone offering-up a solid-defense in that timeframe. UVA’s largest deficit-of-loss was 15 at South Bend and hasn’t gone down by four-touchdowns since 2017 post-season no-show 49-7 vs. Navy. {Note Cu’s scoring-D]. Clemson’s last spread-loss loss came in near-oopsie in Chapel Hill, with only other MOV by fewer than 31 coming vs. A&M (24-10) in 1st week of September...CU 44 Virginia 23
BIG 12 CHAMPIONSHIP (@ ARLINGTON, TX)
#8 Baylor (+9) over #6 Oklahoma: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Yep, calling a significantly-favored Oklahoma club to hit-the-mat again. Rematch of 34-31 win in Waco by the Sooners. Oklahoma has cruised to Big 12 crown easily the past two seasons...41-17 over TCU and 39-27 revenge-mode victory over Texas following Steers’ 48-45 Red River-thing triumph. Oh, sure....Sooners come-to-play vs. in-state rivals last weekend after playin’-possum fer several weeks???!!! Fine. Back to our regularly-scheduled programming here...Schooners recorded first ATS-dubya in five-attempts last week and just second since early October. In a common-foe comparison, Ursines beat the Cowboys in Stillwater by 18. OK posted a similar MOV in that locale, fueled by in-state rivalry. BU has taken 4 of last 5 SU/ATS and have momentum and payback...Bears 31 Boomer Spooner 27
SEASON RECAP
BEST WEEKLY EFFORT: Under the old format, Week Two’s 10-7-1 (.588).
WORST WEAKLY “F”-fort: Week Four’s 4-13 (.235), prompting the new five-game format! In fact, sports-bettors fighting-back vs. porch-pirates are intentionally-leaving packages containing only said-forecast in the open for the thieves-in-question!
WEBER-FRIENDLIES (Best percentage on the predicted-side of the spread; minimum 6 at-bats in the forecast): The 2019 Allstate “Yer in Goods Hands” award is split-between the Iowa Hawkeyes (6-3, .667) and da’ Alma Mater (4-2, .667).
Not enuff plate-appearances, but thank you fer playin’... da’ Leprechauns of Our Lady (4-1, .800).
FLAME-THROWERS (Worst percentage on the predicted-side of the spread; minimum 6 at-bats in the forecast): This season’s Grill-Master Supreme (you can still see the sear-marks on Vindy’s wallet) goes to the Steenkin’ Badgers of Wisconsin (1-5, .167), while Suckin’ Place is divided among the Timers of Auburn (2-4-2, .333) and Utah (2-4, .333).
Didn’t Make Da’ Cut, But We’ll Be Watchin’...the Hussies of UDUB (0-5, .000) and USC (0-4, .000)!
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
As promised, more thoughts on our ALEXA celebrity-voices piece from Week 14...how ‘bout the vocals of Howard Cossell?...”ALEXA, who’s gonna’ win this fight?” “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!!” Jack Nicholson from “The Shining”...”ALEXA, there’s somebody knockin’ on da’ locker-room door.” “Heeeeeeere’s...Johnny!” BTW, we asked ALEXA “What’s Vindy’s fave sports-flick?”. The response...”Ruuuuudy, Ruuuuudy, Ruuuudy, Ruuuudy!”
On Turkey Day, we eagerly tuned-in to Da’ National ‘Dog Show and were utterly-disappointed to learn it had nuthin’ to do with pointspreads!
Just wonderin’ if QB Devlin “Duck” Hodges, who rallied the Terrible Towels to a victory over Cleveland on Sunday might available on the Eugene side-line for the 12-PACK game.
Our guess for the final CFP rankings on Sunday...#1 LSU, #2 Ohio State, #3 Clemson and #4 Baylor! Ya heard it here first!
Black Shirt: This week’s unsurpassed-undergarment gets presented to Cincinnati Bengals back-up quarterback Ben Bryant for tossin’ the INT near mid-field with a buck-thirty-five to-play that let Memphis (-11), up by 10, run-out da’ clock, scoring no further, collecting our only prediction-”W” of the fortnight!
Vindy's Championship Week Best Bets: Last Week: 5-0 Season: A very-profitable 29-16 (.644)
Central Michigan –6 ½ over Miami-Ohio, Hawaii +14 over BOISE STATE (nuthin’ grabs us after that!)
Up next...our yearly-thoughts on Army-Navy!
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