FORECASTER PUTS VOCAL-SKILLS ON DISPLAY
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (REUTERS)...Since mid-May, the Prestigious Prognosticator has been showing-off his singing-talents, wowing crowds of sports-bettors on Thursday-nights during Super-Karaoke at the Westgate Super-Book. Vindicator has proven he’s not just a pretty-face! The college-football handicapping-oracle is a big-draw and local-sensation with his usual routine, crooning such songs as “Old Town Road-Game" by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus and “Blinding Friday Night Lights” by The Weeknd, in addition to vintage staples Disco Oregon Duck, Muskrat Love, Convoy and a rousing solo-version of Bohemian Rhapsody! The ‘Book actually takes wagers on which song Vin will close out his night with...including a remake of the Beatles’ “All You Need is Love”, which is more about a tied tennis-match than romance, or Ariana Grande’s “Positions”, adapted from bedroom activities to on-the-field formations! As other contenders grab the mic between performances, the crowd regularly chants “Vinnnn-Dee, Vinnnn-Dee, Vinnnn-Dee, Vinnnn-Dee!”
Our Week Eleven 3-2 result (24-28-1, .461 [and first week to end-up in the black since Week 2]), finally gets us off da’ Crimson-Schnide. We were a Yatzee dice-roll 2-2 in da’ Picks until Stuffed Missus registered the cover vs. UTSA!
During the offseason, Tom Brady pooh-poohed the NFL’s numbers-rule, allowing defensive tackles and corners to sport the digits 1-49, suggesting offensive-linemen won’t know who to block. Takin’ da’ GOAT’s concerns to heart, Vindy adapts his garments to reflect any of da’ said-numerals to confuse the casino-employees takin’ wagers at da’ sportsbook-counter in advance of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2021 WEEK 12 FORECAST
(Sponsored this week by the Toledo Rockets, featuring Elton John....“Burnin-Up His Fuse Up Here Alonnne.” [More thoughts on this one next week!])
FRI. NOV. 19
San Diego State @ UNLV (“under 41”): Don’t get caught-up in Rebels’ unanticipated back-to-back triumphs over New Mexico and Hawaii. They will! Aztecs’ basic game-plan is to not score, but rather to prevent foes from doing so less than they do! State would prefer to punt inside the red-zone versus giving the enemy a chance to block and return a FG-try! In fact, State’s tunnel to the field sports a sign reading “Punt like a champion today”! Incas have ended five of nine FBS contests lower than this. UNLV doesn’t put a D on the field, but Sudzu is good with three-and-out on most possessions or settling for field-goals...SDSU 24 University of Lost Fragrance 6
SAT. NOV. 20
Arkansas @ #2 ALABAMA (“over 57 ½”): A straight-up conquest buys the Elephants an SEC West title and secures the chance to play Joja’, who lines-up vs. FCS unranked-and-no votes Charlie Brown Sumthin’ this Saturday and will likely mimic Tide’s win over NMSU last week (see our “Hashmarks” column below!), fer the conference crown. Forthcoming Iron Bowl at Auburn will not prove to be a distraction. This series has been no-contest, even within grenade-range, since 2016’s 49-30 victory by ‘Bama over Arkansas, who fell by 37-zip at UGA and by 15 to Auburn earlier thus far. Tide games have finished higher than this total five times in half-a-dozen SEC tilts to-date. Pork Bellies have posted a dart-throw 2-2-1 ATS record in conference after 7-3 in ‘20. Gotta’ figure this one’s gonna’ see da’ Bacon-Strips put up enough points to make the finish look more-like 97 total in 2018 than fitty-five each in ‘19 and ‘20...Scarlet Surge 44 Chicharones 27
#4 Oregon over #24 UTAH (“over 59”): MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Almost made this our “lock”. We don’t recall ever backin’ “over” da’ total more than once in any weekly-forecast so far (“best bets” notwithstanding, even *then*!), Utes opened with a single scoreboard win in first three contests, but have gone 6-1 afterward, though victims show mere 21-22 outright-record in that continuum. Utes’ last downer in Salt Lake City was September of ‘20 versus Subliminal Calybus. Utes show seven tilts ending at or above this total on the year, joltin’ da’ Jumbo-Tron fer 40.8 per game while enabling just shy of 25 ppg. Drakes have a game-victory-in-hand over #5-this-week Ohio State and will continue to represent the 12-PACK to the CFP Committee. Ducks have covered 8 of last 11 against ranked-foes. We haven’t fared-well supportin’ higher-ranked teams on the tarmac this season, but we learn da’ hard way! ...Quack Attack 39 Utah 34
#7 Michigan State (+19 ½) over #5 OHIO STATE: Takin’ the “under 69” would also be worthy. Buckeyes continue to hold onto the CFP 4-spot over controversial Bearkats and really just need to pocket outright-wins here, in Ann Arbor then against whomever survives the B10 West for the Big Tenderfoot conference tiara. The only feasible-reason fer pilin’-on this week would be to move Buckeyes from #4 to #3 in playoffs consideration to take the gridiron vs. CFP #2 rather than CFP #1, and beating higher-ranked Wolverines later would be better-spent than here. The Horse Chestnuts temporarily quieted doubters by whackin’ pesky Bowler-Makers by four-TDs and have dominated this series of late. Spartans now just 2-5 ATS getting a buffer on strength of 37-33 over Big Blutarsky at Michigan in very-late October...OSU 34 East Lancing-Corporals 24
Syracuse (+11/ ½) over #25 NC STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. (We shifted this status here after initially-designating Razorbacks-Tide tilt “over fitty-seven and-a-half" as our preferred choice, hopefully throwin’ da’ bookies off da’ scent. See our “Hashmarks” item below). UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. In the absence of some kid named Trevor Lawrence (who’s experiencing his own difficulties on Sundays now), the ACC has been a serious-enigma. Multiple teams have seemingly been poised to take control, yet eventually “assume the position” and take it in the shorts! As we speak, da’ Pitt Panthers are the front-runners, but could be da’ Pitted Olives by Saturday night. Likewise, Wake Forest might well finish the weekend as Weak Florist (Syracuse’s next opponent!). Citrus was spanked by Louisville last week, but was prolly runnin’ on fumes following five consecutive contests decided by 3, 3, 3, 3 and 5 prior to somehow topping Boston College by 15. ‘Pack, meanwhile. may be flat, at least early, going down 45-42 at Wake. State’s been on money-earning 13-5 ATS home-chalk run in Raleigh (including 3-1 in ‘21). Orange lost by a TD last season in New York. Invoking some misheard Jimi Hendrix lyrics, we call...”’Cuse meeee while I dip this fry!” 29 Wolfpack 27
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy’s first dozen musical-attempts are scripted!
Followin-up on our New Mexico State @ ‘BAMA barely-worth-noting-non-conference scrimmage, with both coordinators takin’ da’ fortnight off, the Tuscaloosa equipment-manager was left (and granted authority) to call plays on both sides of da’ ball. Seems it took him and his team of suited-up male-cheerleaders on the field nearly a full-quarter, to get on the same page, going scoreless thru basically the initial ten-minutes of game-time, even allowing the heavy-underdog Aggies to dent the board first with a FG, but in the end, would smoke the visitors and cover the minus–51 spread in a 59-3 triumph.
We offer heart-felt kudos to Nitwit Lions P/K Jordan Stout, who woulda’ been an easy shoo-in fer Black Shirt had the Alma Mater (who is now presumably headed for the Safety-Pinstripe Bowl in Da’ Bronx or worse) won or at least tied the line, as pre-game +1 failure versus Michigan! The young man made a nice pass on a fake punt in the 1st Quarter that ultimately led to a field-goal, launched a fitty-five-yard punt that was downed inside the Wolverines early 2nd-Quarter inside the UM 10-yard-line, hit a fitty-two yard three-pointer just before halftime and recorded a successful 31-yarder with less than six-minutes to play! We’ll forgive the missed 43-yard doink off the uprights in the 3rd-Quarter and place responsibility for the setback squarely on the shoulders of Coach Franklin, who ignored a chippie-FG from inside the Michigan five, trying to pull a rabbit outta’ da’ hat for second-time in the opening stanza, which at worst, woulda’ bought us a push!
Do the State Farm Insurance Program options include da’ Trevor Lawrence lease??!! Askin’ fer a friend!
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Congrats to the I-AA Maine Black Bears for takin’-down UMess 35-10 this weekend! Honorable mention to FCS Samford Bulldogs, who were within 4-points of da’ Gators in Da’ Swamp until mid-4th-Quarter! A semi-tongue-in-cheek offering to the Kanned Bluebirds, who actually squeaked-by Texas 57-56 as 31-point underdogs for their first FBS victory since mid-2019 (a string of 22 matches)!
If edge-rushers meet a classic Men Without Hats melody, do we hear...”Yer ends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, well then they’re no ends of mine!”
Aaron Rodgers’ audibled to “yellow-weasel” during Sunday’s melee vs. Seattle. His teammates on offense thought he said “slow-whistle” and backed-off on intensity, expectin’ a “free-play”!
If dislodged hockey nets meet popular campfire treats, were they “knocked-off their ‘S’Mores’”???!!!
If a Darth Vader quote meets a MASH religious-character meets star Iowa-hoops center Garza player, do we hear...”I am yer Father Mulcahy, Luka.”
Black Shirt: This week’s admired-attire is presented to UConn freshman-RB Brian Brewster fer returning the game-opening kick-off 99-yards fer a TD. Sled Dogs wouldn’t dent the scoreboard fer the remainder of the match, but it was good-enough to cash-in our “best bet” of Connecticut +41 at CLEMSON!
Shoppe Talk: We leave da’ Baylor Bears (0-3, .000) in the hands of Goldilocks and put da’ Shoppe-sanctioned Shroomer Swooners’ covered-wagons up on blocks (1-3, .250 and 0-fer-last three appearances!)
“Locked in Box”: Now a still-lucrative 7-4 (.636) overall tally with Boomer Schnoozer going down vs. Baylor, but current “lock” tumble after at 2-4 opening 5-0 has us playin’ like a classic game of “Operation”, “Bzzzzt!”, and frankly feelin’ “Lock-Blocked”!!!
Vindy’s Week 12 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 20-24-1 (.454)
KANSAS +22 over Texas Christian (more about Toads’ injuries than Blue-Birds unlikely OT win in Austin), New Mexico @ BOISE STATE “under 48”, California –4 over STANFORD, East Carolina –4 over NAVY
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