R&B STAR NABS NOD FOR BIG GAME HALFTIME SHOW
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (KCNA)…Weeks after speculation ran rampant in Sin City, already a staple on the Strip, Usher got word from the National Football League that he will be the main performer to play the halftime gig of Super Bowl 57 at Allegiant Stadium, edging out other musical artists such as Tracy Chapman, Miley Cyrus and Doja’ Cat. Fans can anticipate renditions of “U Don’t Have to Play Call”, “Jordan Love in This Club”, “Trading Place-Kickers" and “Don’t Waste My Time-Out".
We bolted outta’ da’ Week 5 gate, hitting our Friday night second-choice fer “lock” and actual “lock” on Saturday, but needed another late Saturday night reprieve from Reno, which scored all 9 of its points in the 4th Quarter at Fresno State to keep us in the black at 3-2 (15-10, .600 and now on a 13-7 run following our only losing effort in Week 2)!
Can ya’ believe we’re already about a third of the way thru da’ regular season??!!! Goin’ to our happy place-kicker with...
THE WEBER KID’S 2023 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Gettin' da’ Taylor Swift seal-of-approval!)
SAT. OCT. 7
#20 Kentucky (+15) over #1 GEORGIA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. The first two of four SEC squads makin’ appearances this week. (See below). Bulldogs topped the preseason Coaches’ Poll for first time in 15 years! No FBS team has won three straight national crowns during the AP Poll era since the Minnesota Gophers after the ‘34, ‘35 and ‘36 seasons! Consider yerselves duly-advised! We watched UGA play Auburn and for the second time in three games, Joja’ looked less-than-impervious and was fortunate to leave the Plains with a victory given turnovers, a bad run-D (War Eagle went for 219 yards on the turf) and pass drops by Tigers wide-outs late in the 4th Quarter. Fortunately for the ‘Dawgs, KY tends to be a bit more pass-heavy, but the ground game ain’t bad (171 rush yards per tilt, good for 49th nationally). ‘Cats have given up 7 turnovers thru the first five. Georgia has one fewer miscue in that span. The math pans out to see this closer than two touchdowns and honestly, if the match was being played in Lexington rather than Athens, we’d be tempted to call the upset...GA 24 Kentucky 21
#3 Texas vs. #12 Oklahoma (“under 60 ½”) (@ Dallas, TX): Best Guess Fer “Wish We Had It Back”. Lotsa’ ranked teams idle this week, so we reinvite Texas to join da’ fray as an annual participant in this season’s Red River Soup-Mix. Jayhawks, unbeknownst to us at press time, would be minus their starting QB and did not stay within the spread vs. Texas last week, though our next selection of “under 61” woulda’ cashed. ‘Horns are now 4-1 “under”. As we go to press, the spread is UT –6 ½. Last game in this series to end below a margin of 7 was 2018 and Okies no-showed in ‘22 49-0 spanking. This will be OK quarterback Dillon Gabriel’s toughest defensive test, while Dillon will be most-experienced QB Cattle have faced on the year. Could be a B12 title contest preview. SU record of Oklahoma’s FBS foes is 5-7 (.417) with no team above .500 right now. Steers’ FBS opposition is currently 14-8 (.636), with 4 of 5 opponents sporting winning records as we speak, including a pair of ranked-at-the-time teams. Perhaps the most-telling Spooner victories have been 28-11 vs. Sudden Methadone and 20-6 at Cincinnati...Cow Eyes 31 Bloomers Schooner 23
Maryland (+20) over #4 OHIO STATE: Terps are one of a trey of unranked-but-garnering-votes clubs barging into da’ Picks this week. OSU rested last weekend after squeaking by Touchdown Jesus and former Irish HC Lou Holtz created quite the firestorm, dropping the Buckeyes five (count ‘em, five) notches in his Top 16 rankings when State was idle! Despite the besting Indiana just 23-3 and the aforementioned Irish 17-14, the total jumped up to 58 after opening around 55 ½. Likely due to series history indicating a minimum of 73 points over previous four pairings here (with the Turtles seriously on the wrong end of the scoreboard in those). State’s permitting a paltry 8.5 ppg on D. Maryland has been almost as good at 13.2 ppg. Terrapins are undefeated in five contests thus far, going 4-0 ATS, but against I-AA Towson (unranked and no votes in FCS Poll) and four of the weakest teams in the country ...Ohio State 29 MD 17
#11 Alabama (-1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: “Over 46 ½” would be a reasonable choice too. Southeastern Conference gettin' a little extra TLC this week from da’ ‘Cast with a limited number of Top 25 options available. Tide was idle in Week 5, while Aggies beat Arkansas State 34-22, verifying our only “best bets” dubya (and possibly A&M’s top victory for now). Aggies are 4-1 SU/ATS and returned 10 starters on each side of the ball. Pachyderms have reeled off three straight wins after defeat by Texas and swept the Magnolia State (Ol’ Miss and Mississippi State). A&M won 41-38 in College Station two seasons ago and fell 24-20 in Tuscaloosa last year. In August, we caught an article on Yahoo entitled “I Don’t Karaoke, I Dance”., in which Nick Saban noted the requirement to adequately “cut a rug “ to get a date during his youth in West Virginia. Coach is still known to dance at his residence with his wifey, team staffers and recruits. We foresee an appearance on Dancin’ With Da’ Stars! More thoughts on this next week. Standing beside the team that’s played a tougher schedule...’Bama 38 A&M 30
#13 Washington State (+3) over UCLA: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Unofficially, we also like the “over 59” because we don’t think the UCLA defense can contain the Coogs’ offense (recording nearly 40 ppg in FBS play) and Wazzou has conceded a fair number of points to the opposition (27 ppg) over its first four contest. State is perfect 4-0 outright and 3-0 against the line, including two SU wins as the underdog and has toppled two Top 25 foes along the way. UCLA is young at the skills (losing both its QB and top RB to the pros last Spring) but WSU’s D might give LA a chance. Pullman Panthers have been money in PAC12 games, going 14-4-1 ATS of late... Cougars 35 Bruins 29
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW...We thought Robin Thicke and Pharell mighta’ got da’ call to do “Blurred Lines-of-Scrimmage”. Meanwhile, Silver State governor Joe Lombardo lobbied for AC/DC in hopes of hearing “Big 4th-Down-and-Ten-Inch Record"!
At halftime, THE Ohio State Marching Band, attempting to calm stressed fans, will perform the “Prescription Ohio” formation!
If an offensive lineman meets a hit song from “The Bangles”, is it “Block Liiiiiike an E-gyp-tian"???!!!
The NFL Combine will be adding new tasks to its competition next April, including time consuming a 40-oz beer, time running with a 40-oz beer-in-hand and time it takes players take to scarf-down a full-meal then get outta’ da’ restaurant without payin’ da’ bill...known as the “40-yard dine-and-dash!”
Colin Kaepernick’s try to become part of the NY Jets’ practice squad late last month was fruitless, but let’s face it, even had he signed a contract, the only time his number woulda’ been called was if the team needed someone to simply come in and “take a knee”!
Speaking of the Jests, KC Chief backers layin’ 9 suffered a bad beat when QB Patrick Mahomes intentionally slid short of the end zone very late in game vs. the Jets to forgo a touchdown that woulda’ put them up 9 to keep the clock running, pending what woulda’ been a covering PAT!
With the Major League playoffs underway, we recall seeing a newspaper headline that read, “Judge faces live pitching for first time since injury”. Before realizing the article was about a certain star outfielder for the Yankees, we pictured some random “His Honor” sitting on the bench and being pelted by baseballs thrown from the jury box!
As promised, we follow-up on our Week 5 comments on nuptials presided-over outside T-Mobile Arena and suggest proceedings include Mark Stone quipping, “What the hockey gods have joined together, let no odd-man rush tear asunder. By the power-play invested in me by the NHL, I now pronounce you defenseman and wife. You may now hip-check da’ bride!”
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: As we suggested, none of FBS teams toppled their I-A foes. Two more try their luck here...Howard at NORTHWESTERN and #9 William & Mary @ VIRGINIA. We figure W&M Tribe has a shot.
Black Shirt: This week’s fabulous fabric goes to Celtic Ball-Carrier Audric Estime fer scoring on a 30-yard TD run with about half-a-minute to play to cover the spread vs. the Blue Devils (see below).
Lock of Da’ Week”: The Catholics came through, covering –6 over Duke, to post a second-straight “lock” win, elevating our tally to 3-2 (.600).
Shoppe Talk: Stuffed Rebels will grace the foyer of Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this week as Mississippi posted its 3rd straight forecast loss (0-3, .000). Meanwhile Utah gets a weekend pass, now at 1-3 (.250) for its “effort” in Corvallis.
Vindy’s Week 6 Grotesque/Depressed/Sucrets(??!!) Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 7-13 (.350...“Like a beer caught in da’ headlights!” Uggggghhhh!). We’re startin’ to think the “best bets” are somehow goin’ into “Suck for Luck” mode!
KANSAS –2 ½ over Central Florida, Toledo @ UMASS “over 59”, NAVY –5 ½ over North Texas, Texas State +2 ½ over UL-LAFAYETTE
Next week...More ”Hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey!” and our thoughts on the “tush-push”!
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