UTAH OPENS SEASON WITH NHL HOCKEY SQUAD
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (TMZ)...Back in April, the Arizona Coyotes received the official nod to move their team to the local Delta Center. The venue was initially built as a site for basketball, with just 14,000 seats. Nonetheless, the SLC ice squad will drop the puck for home games here. Utah, also known as the “Beehive State” is still determining its team nickname, logo and mascot, but some of the monikers under consideration include the Buzz, Honeybees, Queen Bees, Honeycombs and Drones. Situated deep in the heart of Mormon territory, the team will be prohibited from playing games on Sundays and concessionaires will not be permitted to offer beverages containing caffeine or alcohol, though Jell-O salad is anticipated to be a best-seller. Other tenets to be adhered to include players keeping their hair short and neat (thus “playoff beards” will be frowned upon), being honest in all dealings with others (meaning players cannot “deke” opposing goalies) and no shedding of tears under any circumstances (“there’s no crying in hockey”).
Watching us jump out to a 10-4-1 start, the bookies decided “enuff is enuff “and marshalled their forces, saddling us with a 1-4 result in Week 4 (11-8-1, 579), hitting us with a couple tough setbacks (Oklahoma +7 falling by 10 to Tennessee and Joja’ Tech +10 ½ losing by 12 at Louisville among the losses). We survived double-OT in DeKalb to notch our only forecast dubya, by a half-point!.
Hopin’ to put picks on net with...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 5 FORECAST
(Sponsored by Nationwide and artistically-depicted on canvas by Paintin’ Manning!)
FRI. SEP. 27
Virginia Tech @ #7 MIAMI (“over 54”): Collectively, 6 of 8 contests so far have ended at or above this total. Tech with da’ 19 ½ points wouldn’t be a bad alternative either. ‘Canes whacked Florida in the season-opener and honestly, haven’t been threatened to-date by an otherwise cupcake schedule. Tech is Phil Steele’s #9 surprise team, bringin’ back 21 staters from ‘23 and progressed from 1-6 to 5-3 in ACC play straight up last year under now-third year HC Brent Fry. Last meeting was 20-14 Miami conquest in Blacksburg. Hokies players traditionally take the field while Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” blares over the PA system. Likewise, Vindy strolls into the sportsbook, musically-accompanied by a medley including Dire Straits “Money Fer Nuthin’”, “Baby Shark”, Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal”, the Captain & Tennille’s “Muskrat Love” (and augmented by Leo Sayer’s “You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’” during the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament every March)!...Ibis 34 Hokies 27
SAT. SEP. 28
#2 Georgia (-2) over #4 ALABAMA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Both sides got a week off coming in. Gotta’ wonder about the mindset of Georgia after dropping from the top line to the matron-of-honor spot in the latest AP rankings. HC Kalen DeBoer gets his first chance in the SEC. No offense, but “this ain’t the (former) PAC-12". ‘Bama prevented Joja’ from a playoff spot last season, winning 27-24 and have won 8 of last 9 vs. UGA (including the past three by17, 17 and 3). Bulldogs’ scant 13-12 triumph at Kentucky last week, a likely lookahead spot (and the aforementioned series history) has impacted this spread. ‘Bama hasn’t gotten points in Tuscaloosa since 2007 and has been the victor in 22 of last 23 here. Joja’ Senior Carson Beck is back at QB and coaching advantage to Kirby Smart, who’s seen this movie several times. UGA smoked Clemson 34-3 in the opener. “Cry havoc and let slip...the ‘Dawgs of War!” 27 Crimson Flies 22
#19 Illinois (+18 ½) over #9 PENN STATE: Lions turned in the kinda’ effort against Kent State (56-nada) that we frankly expected in mere one-score win at Beaver Stadium over Bowling Green. We caught the 2nd-and-3rd Quarters of UI’s eventual OT victory at Nebraska. Nothing stood out good, bad or otherwise for the Illini. It was a hard-fought battle that went to extras, surviving questionable officiating on both sidelines. We did, however, take notice of the physical stature of Illini quarterback, Luke Altmeyer. We readily admit to owning a Howdy Doody physique ourself, but this guy is built like a coach’s clipboard...8 ½ x 11 and flat! Following post-game showers, the equipment manager just drapes his ass over a clothesline with team uniforms in bright sunshine to dry him out! That said, he did a great job of distributing the ball to all the folks on offense around him. Illini are now 4-0 to kickoff a season for first time since 2011 and haven’t knocked off three Top 25 opponents in the same year since 2007 (two already thus far). Tall order here and have to load up the “family truckster” for a second straight Saturday to head east towards Happy Valley. In the Alma Mater’s Big Tangelo opener, we like...Penn State 30 Illinois 19
#23 KANSAS STATE (-5 ½) over #20 Oklahoma State: We watched the OKSU-Utah contest. The Cowpokes’ defense was formidable-enough, forcing five FG attempts (one of which was missed) bookended by Utah touchdowns, but the State offense was horrible and couldn’t even take advantage of multiple Utes’ turnovers in tough 22-19 defeat in Stillwater. ‘Cats came out rushing well early, but ultimately fared even worse, going down 38-9 (that’s gonna’ leave a bruise [fortunately, the purple uniforms will hide that!) at BYU. Stillwater Vaqueros have revenge factor for Kittens’ 29-21 win as an 11 ½ ‘dog in 2023 and have won and covered in 19 of previous 30 Big Twelve tilts (though just 2 of last 7 on the conference road). We’ll back the home squad with a serious edge in the running game (240.3 rypg [#16 in the country] over 96.3 rypg [far-down the national rankings) to stave off the Cowboys air-attack long enough and grind out the late spread-win...KSU 31 OKSU 24
Washington State (+7 ½) over #25 BOISE STATE: Wazzou just missed this week’s Top 25, coming in at the #26 spot and have to be emboldened because the Coogs stuck to their guns to hold onto the remnants of the PAC-2 after four, now five teams abandoned the Mounted Jest to help reconstitute the conference (almost!). Across the field, Boise, one of those five that pulled out, may want to send a message to its eventual PAC-whatever conference mates. To further our argument for this selection, we’ll mention a few trends in favor of the Big Cats as noted by Marc Lawrence...Boise has dropped 9 of last 11 ATS off a non-MWC win and has an equal record of covers after an offensive output of more than 35 (fitty-six vs. Portland State last week) and 3-9-1 in non-conference play the last 2+ seasons. Meanwhile, Coogs have covered 5 of last 7 facing Congested Chest squads, are 14-7-1 following SU wins and 7 of 9 vs. the Top 25. We got within a Cougar’s whisker of calling this an upset pick. Also nearly declared the “under 64", and might lament the failure to do so, in spite of WSU’s 54-52 shootout in double-extras over San Josie last week...Broncos 30 Washington State 28
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, multiple missionaries will accompany the team to away games and will attempt to proselytize opposing fans in the stands! More on this next week...
In June, Ducks HC Dan Lanning complemented Nick Saban as a “robot” as in “he’s the definition of consistency”. Does that mean the former Tide headman was closer to GORT and Terminator or to the Austin Powers “Fembots” and R2-D2?! Maybe a Transformer that could turn himself into a team bus when the need arose???!
A heartfelt “Well done! You guys rock!” from those of us here at Vindy’s Picks to the fans of Brigham Young (38-9 winners over K-State last week) for ongoing post-game donations ($17,000 and counting) to Wildcats’ QB Avery Johnson’s fundraising efforts in support of his HS principal, Dr. Chris Bott, who’s undergoing cancer treatment currently. Fer who don’t already know, Vindy’s wife is a cancer survivor. Restores our faith in mankind.
Is it just us or does Deion Sanders in his pullover hoodie and dark sunglasses look more suited to avoiding “tells” at a Vegas poker table than coaching on the Colorado sideline?!!
We learned this week that Weeziana-Cornrow has a quarterback named General Booty! Let the innuendo begin!
Last February, CBS had “Doink cameras” inside da’ goal-posts at Allegiant Stadium during the Super Bowl so viewers could watch pigskins successfully “split the uprights”, miss altogether or even clank off the piping! Vegas sportsbooks subsequently installed similar video-equipment to show Vin’s boo-boos every time he placed a wager at the counter. TV screens and monitors replay those “efforts” bouncing off the betting window on a continuous loop whenever the Weber Kid incorrectly plunks down some moola!
The San Francisco 49ers have committed to spending at least part of each week’s practice sessions this season reviewing overtime regulations after players copped to unfamiliarity with overtime rules ahead of their Super Bowl Fitty-Eight demise to the Kansas City Chiefs. A pre-Big Game session about OT was scheduled by the Niners, but many players and coaches, having binge-watched the “A Christmas Story” marathon in December, blew that off thinking the topic-in-question was about “Ovaltine”!
With its 36-22 home demise against the Carolina Panthers, who’d coughed up victories to 17 of their previous 19 foes, on Sunday, it appears the Las Vegas Raiders could lose to a Corona tailgate!
In March, conceptual drawings were revealed for the Athletics’ eventual home venue in Sin City. Architects referred to the stadium’s proposed multi-layer roof as a “spherical armadillo”. Let’s hope it doesn’t end up as roadkill like the A’s win-loss record in 2023 did!
2021 Olympic equestrian Jessica Springsteen, daughter Bruce Springsteen, didn’t make the cut for the Paris Games. Asked for comment, The Boss responded with, “She was...ig-norrred in the U-S-A, she was.. ig-norrred in the U-S-A...” followed by a rousing version of “Glory Days” with his E-Street Band!
In May, Athens, Georgia spilled the beans on its new pro hockey team, called the “Rock Lobsters” (yes, as in the hit song recorded by the B52’s [we’ll spare ya details of the backstory]). The local Joja’ Bulldawgs play “between da’ hedges”. Can’t wait to watch the Lobsters conduct bizness “between da’ coral reefs”! With the home-city being seriously land-locked, fans will have to settle fer tossin’ octopus plush-toys onto the ice if the team gets within eight wins of an ECHL cup title. Meanwhile, the opponents’ penalty-box will be known as the “Love Shack”!!!
Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: Hats off to FCS Monmouth fer its 45-42 straight up win over Florida International! And we’re hoistin’ a cold one in honor of Central Connecticut State for nearly besting UMASS in a 35-31 loss! Only a trio of I-AA clubs play higher-tier opponents this weekend. We think unranked UT-Martin (no votes at 1-2, but competitive in both defeats) could topple FBS-newcomer KENNESSAW STATE (0-3 outright, losing by 24 and 21 to Louisiana and San Josie State).
With starting QB Matthew Sluka unexpectedly bolting yet-undefeated UNLV, given NIL issues this week, Vindy is negotiating an agreement to join said-school to be “the guy under center”, providing there’s due-payment for “Nuthin’, Incompetence and Lameness!”
“Wish We Had It Back”: Yup! We wrote “Foregoing the “under 58 ½" (in the Vols-Sooners game) might come back to haunt us...”. Sure did! Lost da’ pick, lost da’ “lock” and lost da’ “upset” designation! “Medic!”
Black Shirt: This week’s gratuitous garment unanimously goes to Northern Illinois K Kanon Woodill fer missing not one, but (count ‘em, two!) field goals to keep the total below 43 ½ (barely!). Kudos to Sam Houston State K Christian Pavon for booting a 46-yard field goal with less than two minutes left to secure our predicted “best bets” cover of Bearkats –16 ½ over New Mexico State!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 3-1 (.750). Oklahoma (+7) gave the ball right back following each of two Tennessee fumbles and ultimately lost by 10 despite limiting the Vols to two FGs in the second half.
Shoppe Talk: Oklahoma opens this year’s Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe on the lunch menu as “Boomless Sooner Stew”, now 0-1 in the forecast, but 0-4 (.000) back to 2023!
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 8-8 (.500) Just can’t get any traction here!
Ball State @ JAMES MADISON “under 58”, Western Kentucky @ BOSTON COLLEGE “under 55 ½”, BOWLING GREEN –9 ½ over Old Dominion, Texas Christian @ KANSAS “over 59 ½”
