RECRUIT SPURNS TRADITIONAL “SKOLLIES”, DECIDES TO “AIM HIGHER”
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colorado (UPI)...Heavily sought-after Donatello “Doctor” Smith turned down full four-year scholarships from dozens of Division I-A schools to play football for the local United States Air Force Academy, hoping to be assigned to the Space Force upon graduation. At a svelte 5’ 8”, 195 lbs., he excelled at wide-receiver and cornerback at El Cojones High School in little-known Mount Helix, California, not far from San Diego and Miramar Naval Base and was raised around pilots. Smith, who blew the ceiling off the Armed Forces Vocational Aptitude Battery as a Junior, grew up binge-watching re-runs of such 1960’s classics as the Thunderbirds, Fireball XL5, Space Giants and Captain Scarlet & the Mysterions and spending countless hours studying the Kobiyashi Maru “no-win” scenario from Star Trek, and as a potential two-way player, will likely contribute right away for the Falcons after being talked into placing his ray-gun on the tarmac and slowly backing away!
We managed a decent 3-1-1 for Week 2 (7-2-1, .778 season). While not technically a “bad beat”, Iowa State booted a 54-yard FG with 6 ticks left in the game, giving the Cyclones the dubya and sending the total “over 36”, tagging us with the lone loss on da’ fortnight.
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THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Still safer than eating at the Olympic Village in Paris or swimming in the Seine River!)
FRIDAY THE 13TH (GASP!)
#20 Arizona @ #14 KANSAS STATE (“under 59 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. With Michigan’s defeat by Texas, the Wildcats now own the country's longest SU win-streak at nine straight. The reigning conference title-holder, and Jason Vorhees, welcomes the Tucson Feral Felines to the Big 12. AZ brought back eight starters on each side of the ball, including sophomore Noaf Fifita and lit up New Mexico for 61, but the offense suddenly went “Color me Casper” and vanished in 22-10 win over I-AA Northern Arizona last week. The scoring defense improved by 16 ppg in ‘23 despite getting only three returning stop-squad starters. K-State, Phil Steele’s #6 surprise team, has only 4 offensive starters from last season, along with 8 from the defense and edged Tulane 34-27 on the strength of a 4th Quarter fumble return for TD. Arizona covered 10 of last dozen vs. ranked teams, beating five of ‘em outright last season. State has won ATS in 6 of last 8 against the Top 25 and won the money in 11 of last 13 as chalk in Manhattan. In the battle of “single childless cat-eating ladies”, we like...Purple Persians 24 Arizona 19
SAT. SEPT. 14
WISCONSIN (+16 ½) over #4 Alabama: Tough to gauge ‘Bama after all 8 strings got reps vs. Western Kentucky and South Florida. We watched the second half of Wisky’s contest against I-AA #6 South Dakota. The run-D was definitely MIA, but Coyotes went full self-destruct mode with multiple penalties later that cost ‘em a shot at the upset. ‘Bama’s won the spread-money in just 8 of last 17 as road chalk. Badgers are stout on D as always, yielding less than 14 ppg over first pair and Marc Lawrence has them covering last 8 getting less than 19 in the wake of beating a non-conference foe. Varmints have lost by more than 14 just four times in three seasons, all at the hands of Big Tonsilitis competition and have covered 6 times in past 7 tries vs. ranked foes. Tide’s Nick Saban (unexpectedly?) retired in January and was replaced by UDUB’s former head coach. For those of you who don’t lay awake at night doing anagrams of coaches’ names, if ya rearrange the letters of “Kalen DeBoer”, ya get “Ol’ Naked Beer”, “Leaked Boner” and “Da’ Broken Eel! (Yer welcome!)... Crimson Tyrone Shoelaces (raise yer hand if ya know that 1970’s Cheech & Chong reference!) 27 Cheese Curds 17
#13 Oklahoma State @ TULSA (“over 62 ½”): Best guess fer “wish we had it back” and had taken Tulsa with 19 points (State has defeated just 3 teams by that many over the past 3 years, but the Hurricane has had its share of losses by that many in recent campaigns). With Sooners-Vols up next week, we decided to show some love to the AAC and offer our musings on this one instead of Tulane @ OKLAHOMA. Not much of an “away” game fer State given the distance between the two schools is only about an hour by car. Tulsa fields a freshman at QB, but the rest of skills are upperclassmen. The O-line is inexperienced as well. Only four back on defense from ‘23. Ball-security will be a point of emphasis as Hurricane has posted six consecutive years finishing in the red for turnovers. Meanwhile, the Cowboys are Phil Steele’s #4 surprise team with 19 starters on the sidelines from last season’s 10-4 outing (regardless of overall 1 ppg differential). Junior RB and Doak Walker Ward recipient Ollie Gordon was arrested DUI in the offseason, but remains on the gridiron. During the offseason Big 12 media days, Deion Sanders called Oklahoma State’s Mike Gundy “a darn legend”. Didn’t realize the Cowpokes’ head coach was renowned for his ability to repair holes in socks, but okay. (Alright...feel free to boo that one as a “dad joke”!)...Okie State 44 Golden Tropical Storms 24
#18 Notre Dame (-10) over PURDUE (“over 45 ½”): “Oh no, Mr. Bill! That’s not Mr. Hand-Offs, that’s Mr. Sluggooooo!” With our confidence bolstered by recent success to-date, we’re going with the dreaded “double-call”...predicting a side and a total on the same contest. The Catholics apparently left their prayer beads in da’ locker room last week in upset home loss to Norton Illinois! Touchdown Jesus just hung his head in shame then went to Confession on Sunday. Money has come in throughout the week on Purdue, pushing the opening line about 2 ½ points in favor of the Boilermakers, suggesting the betting public is putting the Irish in basically the same category as the Seminoles. We’re not convinced. Purdue? “Move along, folks. Nothin’ to see here”. Boilers pounded FCS Indy State (again) 49-0 then got a very early bye. PU shows uninspiring 4-17 ATS the past two seasons and 2-10 at home. Points-allowed regressed from 22 ppg to 30 ppg last year (and that includes back-to-back shutouts over the Sycamores). Host is a crapshoot vs. ranked clubs and 1-5 as a home ‘dog the past three seasons. Fifteen of the Leprechauns’ previous twenty victories have been by double-digits. Irish maybe got caught in a letdown spot after a late TD allowed them to best A&M in the opener in spite of two blocked FG tries and as many turnovers. Expect a better effort here...Our Lady 35 Choo-Choos 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy’s spies indicate Smith also, to this day, launches vintage Estes model rockets by connecting the engines to his car battery!
Oregon plays at Oregon State this week. As a traditionalist, we’re not pleased with long-standing, end-of-season rivalries being moved to September. This isn’t the first this year and won’t be da’ last. But so be it. Beavers make-up one-half of what is now the Pacifier 2 “Conference” (though a late update indicates four of da’ Mountain Jest’s top squads will join the collab for the ‘26 season). Oregon’s inflatable mascot trolled Nebraska’s media day by drifting down the White River near Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis before being asked to depart the area for not having a valid invite to the event, but quickly produced an acceptable YouTube video on its cellie depicting Sesame Street’s Ernie crooning “Rubber Duckie, you’re the one...”
Just ahead of Week 1, Anheuser-Busch launched a celebratory limited-edition collection of college football themed cans of Bud Light. Twenty-six teams in all were featured, including nine from the Group of Five, and even two FCS powerhouses. Five came from the Lone Star State itself. Spoiler alert! Eight teams from the SEC are part of the beverage promo. Having zero representatives, the ACC, MAC and PAC-2 have requested a joint investigation into potential company bias! Vindy’s alma mater did not make the cut and officials in Happy Valley are reportedly in talks with Rolling Rock, Stroh’s, Genessee Cream Ale and Yuengling to produce their own brewskis adorned with Nittany Lions logos as a countermeasure!
Arkansas-Pine Bluff found itself in a hole even before kick-off at Arkansas, getting flagged 15-yards fer “failure to wear contrasting uniforms”. Da’ Bacon declined the penalty, going on to blast the Golden Lions 49-0. Vindy was penalized fer a similar infraction but was likewise excused after sportsbook officials, spittin’ out their lattes in laughter, also refused the yellow hankie after yer humble-narrator dared wander into their “betting airspace” wearing a “My Little Pony” jersey and color-matching “Hello Kitty”-themed PJ bottoms!
In the days following Bears’ special teams coach Richard Hightower’s offseason comment on the NFL’s new kickoff rules, which will likely produce more tackles by kickers, that “Anyone with a helmet that can kick-off is always in play”, Chicago was deluged by inquiries into the position, including applications from Darth Vader, Ultra Man, Speed Racer, Iron Man, the Power Rangers, various NASA astronauts and Navy divers. In fact, the first fitty fans through the gate wearing the requisite headgear with sufficient leg-strength at Soldier Field on any given game day would be considered!
BTW, what happens if the 12th-player is knocked to ground and injured in a collision with an official while trying to get off the field?! More thoughts on the changes next week!
With the Lombardi Trophy on display at Mandalay Bay just prior to Super Bowl Fitty-Eight, Vindicator called in a few favors from some of da’ ‘books to whom he forked over his first-born male child, gaining temporary possession of the NFL award and charged exorbitant rates to those wanting to lay eyes on up-close-and-personal at his west-side residence, leading to crowds in his gated community, much to the chagrin of his local homeowners’ association. Paying fans were able to take selfies, with Vindy photo-bombing most of ‘em!
The Goodman...er..um...Goodyear Blimp was spotted drifting over Allegiant Stadium throughout the Super Bowl, with former the Las Vegas mayor piloting the vessel while flanked by showgirls and sipping on a martini!
In the days leading up to Super Bowl 58, there was rampant speculation that a KC Chiefs fan entombed a team flag beneath Allegiant Stadium when it was constructed seven years ago. Construction worker Gerard DeCosta was photographed holding the (flag)-in-question but subsequently it was a hoax. DeCosta recently vanished and gossip suggests he, himself, is now buried under the Raiders home venue!
The Oakland Athletics baseball team appears headed for relocation to Sin City. Ahead of that decision, ex-Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman wisecracked “If I had my druthers, I’d just as soon see the A’s in, oh probably Guadalajara...”. Ironically, the Mexican restaurant at Boulder Station Casino is called Guadalajara. We’re guessing if it was up to Hizzoner, former “Bash Brothers” Mark McGuire and Jose Canseco would be slingin’ enchiladas at said establishment!
Following his “performance” at the Paris Olympics, the USPS wanted to honor French pole-vaulter Anthony Ammirati with his own customized stamp but couldn’t design one that actually fit on a standardized envelope!
Breakdancing debuted at the Paris Games as a “medal sport”???!!! Gratefully, it will not be part of the ‘28 Games in L.A. Why not just add disco, line dancing, team Conga, Texas Two-Step and Jitterbug???!!! (And fer the Rocky Horror Picture Show fans out there, how ‘bout The Time Warp and Madison???!!!). Maybe a throwback to medieval times with...jousting! Do we hear equestrian “hobby-horse riding”, complete with teammates trailing the “steeds” while banging coconuts together a la Monty Python & the Holy Grail?!
The Boeing Starliner made a safe landing earlier this week in White Sands, New Mexico (where yer humble host actually spent time on bivouac exercises during his Army basic training in 1986!) sans crewmembers, but NASA officials did note the entire interior of the craft was wall-papered with copies of Vindy’s Picks!
Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: We tip our helmet to then-FCS #7 Idaho for toppling Wyoming 17-13, not-ranked St. Francis fer beating Kent State 23-17 and not-ranked Sudden Utah for winning 27-24 at UTEP! Best guess for I-AA clubs to drop I-A opponents...#33 Eastern Illinois (28 votes) over Northwestern (which escaped Howard 23-20 in ‘23), unranked Colgate over AKRON, unranked Gardner-Webb over CHARLOTTE and not-ranked NW State over SOUTH ALABAMA.
Black Shirt: We gift half-a-coveted charcoal chemise each to Syracuse K Brady Denaburg and Joja’ Tech K for missing 1st half FGs of 43- and 45-yards, respectively, that would’ve put the game total “over 61 ½" to salvage our second straight “lock of da’ week”! See below. Honorable mention to NC State CB Aydan White for a late 3rd Quarter 87-yard pick-six that helped us get a push on our “over 61” pick vs. Tennessee!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 2-0 (1.000). We correctly tabbed another “under” for our most-preferred selection as Georgia Tech @ SYRACUSE came in below 61 ½ at fitty-nine (Phew!)
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 4-4 (.500)
Troy @ IOWA “under 39”, CAL –18 ½ over San Diego State, VIRGINIA +2 ½ over Maryland, Air Force @ BAYLOR “under 41 ½”
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