EX-PRIME MINISTER MAKES PRESENCE FELT AT NFL GAME
CLEVELAND, Ohio (UPI)…Bailing on her office just a paltry 44 days after assuming the position as England’s prime minister and finding herself with some extra time on her hands, Liz Truss attended the Monday Night Football hometown Browns’ game against the Cincinnati Bengals at First Energy Stadium, much the way she did about four years ago. To accommodate the British VIP, innocently decked out in a Cleveland jersey and knit cap, who was used to attending contests featuring what is known in most civilized nations (and a few uncivilized ones) as “football” not “soccer”, referees did not throw penalty flags, but rather showed yellow cards to players committing infractions. While no yardage was assessed, the players-in-question got suspended for the first half of the next game. In addition, coaches and team assistants got run ragged, having to display digital signs showing uniform numbers of players being substituted between snaps! Truss even managed to spur the crowd to sing and chant, akin to European fans during matches across the Atlantic. Asked how she was enjoying the game, the English politician went full-on Austin Powers and replied, “Smashing, Baby! Yeah!”
We muddled our way to another sub-par 2-3 (21-22-2, .488) end result in Week 9.
Hopin’ to bring our B-minus game, we’re doing “high knees” in the aisle while everyone else on Air Forecast One is asleep, until they wake up to find...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 10 FORECAST
(Keepin’ da’ glass-jaw half-full!)
SAT. NOV. 5
#1 GEORGIA (-8) over #2 (tie) Tennessee: We saw the smallish line and jumped on it (because we know what happens when we flip-flop, don’t we??!!). ‘Dawgs have been basically invincible, belting the opposition by minimum of 17 (nothing stands out about 26-22 win over Mizzou, [which we’ll chalk-up to a blue-eyed frog] except a couple uncharacteristic turnovers). Playing Devil’s Advocate, Georgia’s slate hasn’t exactly been a Who’s Who of CFB clubs. Bulldogs only ranked foe was Oregon in the opener. Vols have shed five Top 25 opponents. Rocky Top QB Hendon Hooker will be hard-pressed to toss five TDs here like he did versus injury-stricken Kentucky. No disrespect to the havin’-a-recent-school-record-year Volunteers, but in our humble opinion, da’ spread should be closer to early-teens. UGA cements top-billing in the CFP rankings...Dawg Pound 39 Davy Crocketts 23
#4 Michigan @ RUTGERS: Away from the Big House this week, the Wolverines will have to blame the Scarlet Knights for starting s*it in their own tunnel!
#6 Alabama @ #15 LSU “over 56 ½”: Frankly, this call produced the least amount of anxiety of the four options after three dart-throws hit da’ board (barely!) and the other squarely lodged itself in da’ neighbor’s cactus...three houses down! Most of da’ ‘Bama defenders elected to cling onto remnants of da’ Tennessee goalposts and ride down-river instead of suffering Nick Saban’s post-game locker room rant! The Tide, AP preseason #1 (again!) this year, faces the kiss-of-death as it’s been well-noted that solely 11 teams starting atop the rankings since 1950 also ended atop the rankings, which was last pulled-off by these Elephants, who magically did that in 2017. Marc Lawrence depicts Tide as gold in first of consecutive roadies, yet having blown-off frustration against Ol’ Mistletoe, we like the Pachyderms, 6-3 against the spread overall, but not wowed by the 1-2 ATS away from home and 2-3 SEC record (14-14 in conference) entering the campaign) so far, to press hard early and Bengals to score the minimal digits in trash-time... Elephants 41 “Go, Tigahhhs” 24
Texas @ #13 KANSAS STATE (“under 54 ½”): Second choice fer “lock”. Purple Persians +2 ½ would be worth a look as well. We actually watched the Feral Felines take a very early 28-nuthin' advantage over Okie State before tunin’ in to some seasonal horror-movie fare. Seemingly, Da’ Short-Horns had one big game in /em am and left it on the field vs. ‘’Bama. (Sorry, Burnt Orange...but smokin’ Oklahoma was too little too late). Kittens saddled the Cowpokes with their first goose-egg since 2009 (and initial final tally beneath double-digits since 2014!). State has been on the wrong end of the scoreboard five years in a row. Postulating no particular justification to back our call on the total...KSU 23 Cattle 17
#20 Wake Forest (-4) over #21 NC STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Vile Vicars somehow find themselves frequent flyers in this season’s picks (but at 3-1 to-date in the forecast, maybe we’re just a tad bias!). Anticpatin’ a significantly improved outing by Wake, who committed 8 (count ‘em, 8!) turnovers across the last 30 minutes of game-time of loss at Louisville. Four of the past five in this series were decided by 4 or fewer. State is 2-2 SU in the ACC. Both failures were against the Top 25, both victories occurred, barely, in Raleigh (19-17 vs. FSU and 22-21 vs. the Hokies). ‘Pack has walked off Carter-Finley Stadium as winners 15 straight times and 17 of last 18! All seven NCSU FBS tilts finished below this total (54), but just two of Wake’s did likewise...Foul Fathers 34 Wolfpack 24
#23 Liberty (+13 ½) over ARKANSAS: We graciously accept a ranked Independent into our exclusive membership-card-only weekly fold! We thought Liberty might be down a notch coming into the year having graduated QB Malik Wallace to the Sunday schedule, but Baylor transfer Charlie Brewer has the Flames, stepping up in degree-of-difficulty this week, standing-in at 7-1 outright, with its sole loss by 1 in a track meet at the aforementioned Forest. In a comparison of mutual-foes, Razorbacks bested BYU 52-35 and Liberty toppled the Mormons 41-17 after (GASP!) 21-20 triumph vs. FCS Gardner-Webb splashed some cold-water on the faces of the Senior-laden Cigarette-Lighters. Liberty brings its very-balanced offense into Fayetteville and this game will mean much more to its program than it will to Arkansas, 6-1 in last 7 non-conference tilts, but may peer across the horizon to next week’s visit by LSU...Sooooey Pigs 35 Fightin’ Falwells 27
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW...Truss, forgoing the offered luxury box to sit in the stands with the Browns’ faithful, grabbed the attention of a vendor, yelling, “’Ay...Beeah...Mahn!” Then ordered “bangers and mash”, a pint of ale and “pudding”. What she got was a chili dog with fries, a plastic bottle of Bud Light and a butterscotch Hunts Snack Pack container! Further complicating matters, Truss paid for the order in pounds and pence. The concessionaire gave her a confused look, to which the Brit replied, “keep it”, leaving the confounded stadium employee to wonder if he got tipped or short-changed! A couple more thoughts on this next week!
And in the FWIW category, Cleveland trounced the Bengals 32-19 in a game that wasn’t even that close!
1994-95 All Terror Football Team:
LB Dominic “Vito” Vermicelli: Little Rock Cooking Academy. Senior. 6’4” 505. Hometown: Bronx, New York. Major: Fat-Free Baking. A staunch defender against the run but thinks the “bull-rush” is a rodeo-event and the “nickel-package” is a drug-deal. Led the Savage Souffle in shoe-string-tackles and still has the laces in his locker as proof. Had a spectacular 2 ½ INT for a touchdown nullified by a teammate’s “illegal pie to the face” penalty in a critical game against Julia Child State. Spends the offseason selling “health insurance”.
SS Terrance “Captain” Kurke: US Naval Academy-Kansas City. Senior. 5’4” 321. Hometown: El Paso, TX. Major: Foreign Languages. Blinding-speed belies this kid’s sluggish appearance, but perfection of the Romulan cloaking-device technology enables the “Captain” to disappear then re-appear between the QB and center just prior to the snap. Creates a lot of havoc in opponents’ backfields. Led the Sea Urchins in tackles-fer-loss. “How’s he do that???!!!”- Mike Ditka.
CB Alvin “The Executioner” Jones: Southern Idaho Finance College. Freshman. 5’6” 340. Hometown: Chicago, Illinois. Major: Accounting. Likes to hit hard just below the chinstrap to decapitate opposing ball-carriers. Lives on the edge of “spearing” penalties and often loses his own helmet in the effort. Has attached his headgear to a lanyard so he doesn’t have to chase it very far. Jones was quoted as saying, “I love it when I get dat ‘deer caught in da’ headlights’ look from da’ wide-outs! Dey look like...ROADKILL!!!” Carries a 1.2 GPA in his chosen field of study. Knows all da’ U.S. presidents and da’ currency upon which they appear.
Back in April, ex-Nifty Lion/now Dallas Cowboys star LB Micah Parsons botched the puck-drop at a hockey game. “Parsons walked out onto the ice and dropped the puck before players from either team (Hershey Bears and opponent) met in the middle for the ceremony. Called fer offside and chased outta’ the face-off circle. Further demonstrating his level of manual dexterity, he subsequently threw out the 1st Pitch in May and was called fer a balk before tackling his own catcher, emptying his own bench!
NIL vendors provided signing athletes endorsing their products with the vehicles-in-question, such as a Lamborghini and a Ferrari. Vin set himself up a deal for NIL (name, incompetency and losses) with Ford and was gifted...a Pinto!
In the midst of last January’s NFL Playoffs, Kansas City guard Nick Allegretti was the recipient of the “Angry Runs” scepter after tossing aside Steelers’ edge rusher TJ Watt like a ragdoll. Is it just us or does the title of the award evoke thoughts of explosive diarrhea??!!
In August, Pirates infielder Rodolfo Castro incurred a one-game benching after his personal cellphone flew out of his pants while taking 3rd Base against the Arizona D-Backs. Said event violated league policies involving electronic devices on the field. Castro appealed and was back on the diamond days later, but his Kindle similarly exited his uni-bottoms while running the bases vs. the Boston Red Sox!
1995 All Terror Hockey Team: (fer da’ same reason we posted da’ football team roster-of-note)
Goalie: Jean-Charles “Claymore Charlie” LeBrun: Northern Michigan Institute of Nuclear Technology. Senior. 5’8” 412. Hometown: Toronto, Canada. Major: Global Warming Studies. Protects his net with several rows of mines, which force opponents to take longer shots and cut down on breakaways. Had 11 shut-outs in the 12 games he played in for the Glowing Penguins. Gave up only one score when the blast of an exploding mine blew the puck past him into the net.
Way back on January 7, the knuckleheads in the sports section of the Las Vegas Review-Journal, in listing the previous day’s college basketball results, printed New Mexico State 2 Lamar 0. Apparently, the teams were at a basketball game when a soccer match broke-out!
Cotton-candy combat of da’ week...South Florida (0-7 FBS) @ Temple (1-6 FBS [beat UMass 28-nada])!
We admonished da’ one group of trick-or-treaters on Monday night brave enuff to ring our bell with “You can’t frighten us...we publish Vindy’s Picks!” (We’re still happily separatin’ out da’ good stuff from the bags of candy they left behind in their haste to depart!)
Black Shirt: This week’s Virtuous V-neck was earned by PSU QB Sean Clifford for the three TD passes, three picks and a fumble that contributed 42 points toward our overall goal of 62 points in the Ohio State match!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: The Tar Pits of Carolina (-4) won by a ten-spot over Pitt, raising the record to 6-3 (.667)
Shoppe Talk: The Volunteers, gettin' yet-another plate-appearance in Week 10, continued their skid to 0-4 (.000)!
Vindy’s Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 17-19 (.472)
LOUISVILLE –7 ½ over James Madison, Navy @ CINCINNATI “under 46 ½”, Kentucky @ MISSOURI “under 41 ½”, Nevada-Las Vegas +6 ½ over SAN DIEGO STATE
Until next week, remember the words of Coach William Shakespeare, who quipped, “The I-formations are the betting-window to your soul.”
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