DRAFT TO GET TRUE BETTING-MECCA FLAVOR NEXT TIME HERE
Las Vegas, Nevada (ITAR-Tass)...While the 2022 NFL Draft held locally this past Spring put on quite the spectacle for viewers, fans, coaches and players, producers of the next such Vegas event have plans to provide more of a gambling flare commensurate with the history of the locale. Rather the traditional 15 minutes allotted to name their selections with each pick, a team representative will instead pull the handle on a giant slot-machine that contains the names of all the available players and teams will be obligated to “draft” the player who comes up. The machine will also include symbols. Three cherries, bars or 7’s allow the team to actually select the desired player. Trades up or down can be treacherous. In some cases, lined-up special symbols will allow up to five free spins, permitting teams to accept or pass on resulting players, but must settle for whomever is the final spin if not choosing one before then. Three Megabucks emblems give the team two consecutive picks and allow the club to actually choose who it wants from the available athletes.
Last weekend, we managed to muster a much-needed finish on the plus-side of .500, going 3-2 (24-24-2, .500) and yer a happy camper if ya wagered on any or all our “best bets”, which came in at a spotless 4-0!
We’re changing the cadence and going with a hard-count at the betting window to draw the bookies offside and get a free five-yards for...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 11 FORECAST
(Typed-up slower than the Nevada ballot-counting process!)
SAT. NOV. 5
#4 Texas Christian (+7) over #18 TEXAS: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. “Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!” Our “upset pick of da’ week” total is now 0-8! Total (65), historically-speaking, looks on-fleek! The fact that the Steers had ‘Bama damned near tapping-out before barely succumbing in September has lost a tiny bit of gleam, but should still provide a boost, along with topping then-#13 K-State, lining-up here against the visiting Horny Toads, ranked 14-notches higher. Again, RB Bijan Robinson should be the man, opening play-action-pas fer da’ Horns. Froggies are now 9-0 outright for the first time in 12 seasons! First-half Kermits’ offense might be slow as Nevada’ ballot-counting system having put together three-TDs in about minutes to rally fer victory over Guns-Up! Steers won 32-27 last year,behind dropping 37-27 and 33-31 decisions in ‘19 and ‘20. Cattle claimed scoreboard wins by 6 or fewer last two years. Amphibians suck as road-dogs...’til now. Tadpoles 31 Filet Mignon 27
#6 OREGON (-12 ½) over #24 Washington: Best choice fer “wish we had it back”. Flipped a metal-Washington 25 times between this and the “under 72 ½”. UDUB sneaked into the Top 25 by knocking-off then-#24 Beavers on a game-winning FG with :08 seconds left in Seattle. Dan Lanning dispelled rumor-intelligence that he was abandoning his inaugural campaign in Eugene to depart fer Auburn. But why bolt for points-South when he’s already armed with an SEC-experienced quarterback in Bo Nix against the 12-PAC??!! Ducks’ most-recent triumphs by 18, 27, 15, 18 and 39 make us feel okay laying the juice against a like-Huskies' schedule and grenade-range within the CFP rankings ...Quack-Attack 44 Washington 24
Louisville (+8) over #12 CLEMSON: UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK #2. “Over fitty-two" ain’t a bad guess either! The ACC is a mess! Tigers yearn for the days of Trevor Lawrence at QB, while the NFL’s “Jeff Spiccoli” clone is clamoring for the Saturdays when he could simply rub “Howard’s Rock” to a victory! Cardinals have not beaten the line in their last five facing the Tigers. CU HC essentially called-out his QB earlier this week, assertin’ “if (DJ) doesn’t improve, *somebody else* plays.” The ACC picture is akin to a 3-year-old scribblin’ on the living room wall in the wake of Clemson’s demolition by already-pedestrian step-bro Notre Dame. Win by right-now-ranked NC State in early October supports this vote (by a wing and a prayer)...Redbirds’ 34-33 at 2-7 Boston College is our only question...’Da’ Ville 34 Paws 29
#22 Central Florida @ #16 TULANE (“under 54 ½”): This total opened at 51, so money’s been steady on the “over”. Previous skirmishes in ‘20 and ‘21 were high-scoring affairs, but last season was a “rock fight” ending at 14-10. Knights beat the Wave all three times but covered none of ‘em. Lines makers seem to believe Tulane will win outright, though not by much (-2 as we go to press). UCF has faced four Top 25 opponents over last five years...all named Cincinnati...going 3-2 along the way. This one is pretty much a de facto AAC Championship contest (Bearkats have just one conference loss and still have a shot). Tulane is 5-3 “under” (with 7 of those below 54 ½). Knights 6-2 “under” with five below that number...Green Wave 24 Central Florida 21
Navy (+17) over #20 NOTRE DAME: “LOCK OF DA’ WEEK”. Okay...fess up! Who left our haggard-host unsupervised at the local ‘dog-pound???!!! Makin’ our third-straight call taking the points among our standard five! Salty Dogs catch the Leprechauns at a good time off the beat-down of Clemson. Commander-in-Chief Trophy already belongs to the Flyboys and AAC title was never really within reach this year, but Middies (3-6 SU) can still bowl if they win-out. Expect the Ensigns to bring whatever they’ve got left in the sails here. Fourteen of Our Lady’s 35 points vs. the Tigers came via a pick-six and a punt-block fer touchdown. USN throws fer less than 100 ypg and eschews kicks on 4th Down at “Punting is fer wussies”-rate fer teams with losing-records, higher than only UMass and Army! Irish are on 6-1 SU streak after 0-2 start (meh 4-3 spread record)…Catholics 27 “O’ Cap’n, My Cap’n” 14
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW...in a nod to the 1970’s The Joker’s Wild TV game show, three devils result in loss of the pick altogether.
The crowd reaction following LSU’s winning score vs. ‘Bama generated enuff ground-movement to register twice on a nearby seismograph. Future such readings will be measured on the newly-minted Bayou Bengals Scale!
Akron reserve QB Jeff Undercuffer was ejected for hurling expletives from the sidelines at game officials after an illegal blindside block was called during the Zips’ two-point conversion against Eastern Michigan. We’re guessing the profanities included a couple F-bombs and some questions about the legitimacy of the referee's birth. Appalled by the language, the player’s mother charged down from the stands and shoved a bar of soap into Jeff’s mouth then asked him who he heard those words from. Afraid to blame Coach Joe Moorhead, Undercuffer threw a fellow player under the bus. That player’s mother then went all “scorched earth” and punished him too!
Punctuating his recent divorce announcement, Tom Brady, not unlike his Super Bowl trophy stunt, boarded a fishing boat a made a no-look pass with his wedding ring into the waiting hands of Rob Gronkowski, who proceeded to spike said-bling into the harbor!
Harkening back to last week’s “hashmarks” item about Liz Truss, we note that the former prime minister was overheard asking a nearby fan how a team could be called “offside” when it didn’t possess da’ ball and why was a corner kick not awarded if a defender pushed the ball across the endline! BTW, the clock didn’t stop running for injured players. Those minutes were simply tacked-on at the end of each half!
Courtesy of the Houston Astros' World Series victory, Jim McIngvale AKA “Mattress Mack” lined his pockets with nearly $75M and promptly bought-out that annoying “My Pillow Guy”! He also covertly changed his legal name to “Hapless Hack” in an effort to escape endless pleas from charitable organizations and long-lost “relatives” applying the “Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon” concept!
We remind readers that despite early lofty-goals, college hoops squads that don’t make the Big Dance still have multiple post-season options...NIT, CBI, NCIS, PSI, RPI, MRI and CBD!
On Tuesday, we either completed a mail-in election ballot or we submitted a 34-team parlay card! Can’t wait to see if Jim Harbaugh won a seat in the Senate or if UNLV covered the spread vs. the County Recorder’s office!!
Black Shirt: The Tremendous Tee goes to ‘Bama K Will Reichard for the 46-yard FG that knotted the game at 24, sending it to extra frames, where LSU QB Jayden Daniels’ 25-yard TD run would push the total “over” as we projected.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: We went to the well once too often with Wake Forest, who did not win, much cover, lowering the record to 6-4 (.600).
Shoppe Talk: The Tide moved “up” to 1-5 (.167). The Vols also get a weekend pass at 1-4 (.200),but welcome the K-State Wildcats at 1-3 (.250) and NC State at 0-4 (.000)!!!
Vindy’s Week 11 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0, Baby! Season: Back-in-black at 21-19 (.525)
JOJA’ TECH –1 ½ over Miami, Arizona State @ WASHINGTON STATE “under 60 ½”, Texas State +16 ½ over SOUTH ALABAMA, Rice +13 over WESTERN KENTUCKY
Until next week, we’re hoping to avoid being flagged by NFL referee Clete Blakeman for “making a move that’s not necessary and un-like football”!!!
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