PREZ GUFFAW LEADS TO UNEXPECTED “ICE SCAPADES”
GOTHAM CITY, New York (REUTERS)...“Holy Hip-Check, Batman!” Back in April, Lightning hockey players couldn’t maintain their composure after President Biden referred to the NHL Commissioner as ‘Gary Batman’, instead of Gary Bettman, during a last-minute change-of-venue “White House” visit from the nation’s capital for Stanley Cup champs Tampa Bay. Shortly following the miscue, Arnold Schwarzenegger reprised his role as “Mr. Freeze” and got two minutes for icing da’ Caped Crusader. Elsewhere, Bettman subsequently drew two minutes in da’ sin-bin for Bat-Hooking. In fact, he answered calls on a special bat-phone inside his luxury suite as “Yes, Commissioner?!...Oh, wait...I’m da’ the Commissioner!”. Bettman also logged three-goals...or what’s commonly known as...a Bat trick! The Commish then scaled the side of the arena, and when met by various tenants, ordered a hotdog and a Bat-Beer at the concession-stand. Making an unannounced guest-appearance, a Robin-impersonator drove the Batzoni between the periods!
We battled to 3-2 (29-29-2, .500) finish (barely) last week, but the bookies had plenty of time standing in the pocket and sipping champagne while surveying Vindy’s defense as our “best bets” wallowed at 2-8.
We’re working thru stuffing in the Macy’s Thanksgivin’ Day Parade Tom Turkey float cavity to find viable remaining bits and pieces of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 13 FORECAST
(As recently presidentially pardoned a few days ago!)
SAT. NOV. 26
#3 Michigan (+8) over #2 OHIO STATE: Big Blue has not been our friend (see our “Shoppe Talk” segment below), but we’re supportin’ it here. That the implications here are huge is obviously an understatement, though a close-fall would prolly not instantly deny the loser a shot at the playoffs. Winner holds (or takes over) the #2 spot and makes the Final Four barring the unthinkable by whatever ethereal poser emerges from the Not-So-Binge-Worthy Ten West and assuming some Joja’ playas surely won’t take too many snaps off vs. Joja’ Tech (“we’re serious...and don’t call us Shirley”). By and large, both sides have demolished the opposition, putting up big points but both offenses can efficiently move at the speed of frozen pond water, (as evidenced by UM’s 19-17 escape vs. the Illini and State’s victories of 21-10 over Notre Dame and 21-7 at Northwestern), compelling us to give a serious gander at the “under 56 ½” prior to sticking with our first inclination of Michigan and da’ points! OSU has gone 31-1 outright in its last 32 conference games and 8-1 in its last 9,but shows 4-5 ATS in those, lost by 15 last year, 6-13 ATS since 2019 vs. ranked opponents and based on W-L records of non-common opponents this season, are just nominally better (.483 to .432 for Michigan)… Buckeyes 24 Wolverines 21
South Carolina @ #7 CLEMSON (“under 52”): ...Tigers 27 Poultry 16 (just take our word on this one).
Auburn (+22) over #8 ALABAMA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Bear Bryant was once quoted as saying...”Sure, I’d like to beat Notre Dame, but nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state.” But with ‘Bama all but eliminated from the playoff picture (GASP! Armageddon! Go! Run! Save yerselves!) and rumor intelligence implying Nick Saban may be leaving, does the Tide really give a flyin’ rat’s???!!! Yeah, yeah...there’s that whole ”rivalry contest”-thing but...Pachyderms tuned up in a glorified bye-week, bashing FCS Austin Peay. Tigers are under new management after having a completely FUBAR season (for those who aren’t military and/or haven’t seen “Saving Private Ryan...”it’s French”!) Two of the last three Iron Bowl contests have been decided by 5 or fewer, including 24-22 War Eagle demise that went to four overtimes!...Crimson Timex 30 Tigers 16
#12 Washington (-2) over WASHINGTON STATE: Be advised....our first decision was “under 60 ½”, which was enticing as well. Da’ annual Apple Cup (or fer those whipped and whelped on the mid-Eastern Atlantic coast near Delaware and Pennsylvania...”Da’ Scrapple Cup!”). Series contest has really been “close” since 2013 until Coogs pocketed a 40-13 romp in ‘21. Sled Dogs 8-point failure at UCLA is excusable. Loss to Pitchforks the subsequent week is not! Huskies opened with six consecutive games “above” the total then went almost-silent on O, recording four straight “unders> (though vs. No scoring threats). QB Michael Penix toppled the Ducks “on da’ Pond”. State’s four losses came vs. 12-PAC top-tier clubs and show 8-2 (?) under in ten (9) games. Washington was Phil Steele’s # Most-Improved Team. Pullman Panthers have been streaky outright, going 3-1, then 0-3 and then 3-0 Tread lightly...Canines 34 Cats 17
Kansas @ #15 KANSAS STATE (“over 63”): Jayhawks early 5-0 start was an illusion (as in “ignore that lineman behind the curtain!”) and have coughed up at least 43 in three of last five contests. Wildcats have yielded 28 or more in 5 of last 8 while putting up at least 27 in 7 of 9 overall. Close enuff fer us. Purple Persians make it to the B12 title game with a victory...KSU 41 Toto & Company 31
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW...meanwhile...”back at ‘stately’ Indiana-Purdue-Ft. Wayne Manor”.... For those watchin’ at home on TV, see word-balloons noting “Sock!”, “Pow”! “Zowie!” when Bettman hits an opposing player! In fact, when he drops da’ Bat-gloves, he gets “five fer crime-fighting"!
Also among Gardner Pinschew’s fung-shui we noted in Week 12 were...mood-rings, slot-cars, an Atari video-game set and 8-track tapes, purchased for a penny from Columbia House Records, featuring such tunes as Free-Safety Bird (artist), The Long and Blind-Side Road (the Beatles), Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Game (Elton John), Sultans of Swing-Pass (Dire Straits), Big Yellow-Jacket Taxi (Joni Mitchell), Ain’t No Mountain West Conference High Enuff (Diana Ross), One Rainy Night in Athens, Georgia (artist) and Ride, Team Captain, Ride (Blues Image)!
NCAA hoops officials announced Allegiant Stadium would be the host-site of a men’s Final Four game in 2028. Which means an OT-result would lead to each team getting a possession-arrow at the opponent’s 25 yard-line. Plans are also in discussion to conduct one aboard a Lake Mead lunch-cruise venue while afloat near Hoover Dam!
In light of early major upsets by the Saudis over Argentina, Japan vs. Germany and other oddities in the current premiere FIFA event, we envision Dana Carvey and Mike Myers spouting...”Wayne’s World Cup! Wayne’s World Cup! Penalty-time! Ex-cell-ent!”
If Shaquille O’Neal performs a duet with Neil Young, do we hear..."It's better to foulll out...than it is to russssst... Hey..Hey..My..My...'Rock and shooter's roll' will...never diiiiiie." (Thank you, Paul Vehslage for the inspiration!). BTW, Young has a higher free-throw percentage!
Black Shirt: This week’s Terrific Tee goes to LSU RB John Emery Jr. For losing a fumble at the UAB 8-yard-line early in the second quarter, preventing a score that would’ve ultimately sent the game “over” 52 ½.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Michigan and Illinois combined for 36 total bulbs on the scoreboard, leaving our call of “over 41” short and dropping the “lock” record to 7-5 (.583).
Shoppe Talk: Said-boo-boo by Big Blew (now 1-3, .250 on the season and 1-7-1, .125 back to last year!) has us hosting a sale of Wolverine-skin caps, earmuffs and gloves (complete with retractable claws!) at Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this week!
Vindy’s Week 13 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-8 (Uggggh!) Season: 24-30 (.444)
COASTAL CAROLINA +14 over James Madison, East Carolina @ TEMPLE “under 51”, Kentucky +3 over LOUISVILLE, SUDDEN MINCED –3 over Weeziana-Cornrow
No comments:
Post a Comment