UFC EYES HOT-DOG CHAMP
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (REUTERS)...On July 4th, Joey Chestnut briefly disabled a protester en route to yet-another Independence Day hotdog-eating title in the Big Apple, subduing the interloper, placing him in a choke-hold as he “’simply-reacted’ while ‘remaining focused on the task at-hand'", dipping the opponent in the water cup like a bun and “damn-near consuming” the intruder “in a few bites” during the competition. The contest-winning maneuver did not involve a naked rear-choke, but resulted in a tap-out by the bad-guy. Officials scouting the Nathan’s Famous Hotdog Eating Contest, following a couple months of film-review, have offered “Jaws” a tentative mixed martial-arts contract! Chestnut’s camp could not be reached for comment.
We came outta’ Week 13 with a reasonable...3-1-1 (32-30-2, 516), whiffing badly on only a very-hastily selected South Carolina-CLEMSON “under 52”, and splittin’ da’ best bets at 2-2.
Training for the possibility of an eventual underdog-eating championship of our own, we’re scarfin’ down copious amounts of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK FORECAST
(“Tastes like chicken!”)
FRI. DEC. 2
PAC12 Championship (Las Vegas, NV)
#4 Southern Cal (-3) over #12 Utah: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. “Over 68 ½” was worth a quick glance. Sequel to USC’s earlier 43-42 defeat in Salt Lake. We’ve been no fan of SoCal traditionally; but we mentioned a few forecasts ago that the 12-PACK's best choice fer CFP would come outta’ Los Angeles. USC has the most to win or lose in the playoff rankings. Utes are toast, but a loss by the Trojans (of any proportion) would roll-out da’ red carpet fer the Buckeyes (or resurrects da’ Crimson Tide from the other-side!...maybe! Poltergeist-fans unite! “They’re heeee-rrrrre!”). Centurions bashed Our Lady 38-13 while Utes lambasted the Colorado BBQ Wings by an expected 63-21, takin’ care of bidnezz. Mounted Horses on are a 9-0 “over” journey (7-3 above this total) includin’ 48-45 against said-Buffaloes. Troy had lost six consecutive contests to ranked opponents until finally breaking thru victory over UCLA and Notre Dame. Utes are on current 4-1 “under” run but those came vs. offenses that bang the boards for totals less than the number of in-person cashiers at Walmart on Sunday mornings...Sudden Cal 39 Utah 34
SAT. DEC. 3
B1G Championship (@ Indianapolis, IN)
#2 Michigan vs. Purdue (“over 52”): Wolverines find themselves at a bit of a disadvantage here, in the unenviable position of being the only top 4 playoff contender lining-up across from a non-Top 25 opponent and probably needing style-points to either assume the rankings summit (unless Joja’ goes down) or even cling to their current rung on the ladder. An unconvincing-triumph, at best, simply flip-flops them with TCU for #2 and #3, but also puts them in jeopardy of stumbling to the #4 hole to then meet likely-#1 Georgia. Nobody talked about Purdue after its opening loss in Happy Valley and Boilers backed their way into this only because an inept Iowa Faux-Hawk-Eyes squad, which had one job, couldn’t put away a dismal Corn Meal club (whose interim coach, Mickey Joseph, just became a jailbird on Wednesday). Purdue remains top-heavy in the passing game, but 16 of its 41 total touchdowns came on the ground. Nonetheless, UM will basically “keep an eye on da’ sky.” Rollin’-up and takin’ a Snoop Dogg themed BIC lighter to our 20-1 futures ticket on the Alma Mater to conquer the B1G conference so we can smoke it as we speak...Big Blue 44 Choo-Choos 17
B12 Championship (Arlington, TX)
#3 Texas Christian (-2) over #13 Kansas State (“over 62 ½): Oh yes, we did! The dreaded double-call...side and total on the same game. Raise yer hand if ya predicted these two clashing fer da’ conference crown back in August. Liars!!!!! It’s been 13 years since a B12 club was perfect in the regular season, but that’s what the Kermits pulled off! Toads won the battle earlier in the year 38-28 at Ft. Worth, but Lavender Lynx were pushing thru injuries, including the loss of Senior starting QB Adrian Martinez. Nonetheless, ‘Cats were up 18 in the 2nd Quarter of that tilt. We’ll excuse Frogs’ mere 29-28 victory over Baylor in light of a beatdown last week vs. Iowa State. TCU QB Max Duggan is looking for a Heisman and a national title. Totals for both clubs lean toward the “over”, while history in the series has final numbers of 41, 35 and 43. Amphibians are hangin’ 41+ ppg on the board and conceding 24.5 ppg. Counting on Duggan to get his wish (fer the fortnight at least) and on K-State's not-quite-its-traditionally-stellar defense to continue floundering...Texas Christian 37 KSU 31
Don’t go away! We’ll return before 1:00 PM PT Saturday with our predictions for the SEC Championship, a couple (we think, slim-pickin's at this point) “best bets” and the standard “hash”!!!!
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