Reachin’ back a bit into the ‘22 stockpile for...
NFL SITE BECOMES A “CIRCUS”
JACKSONVILLE, Florida (MSNBC)…Last January, Jaguars sponsor RoofClaim.com sued the club to avoid being identified as such knowing scores of fans were going to attend the team’s Week 18 game versus the Colts dressed as clowns to express their displeasure with retention team of Trent Baalke as General Manager. Sure enough, a quick glance around the stands of TIAA Bank Field revealed the presence of multiple people impersonating Coco, Bozo, Krusty, Homie, Pennywise, Clarabell, Captain Spaulding, Emmett Keely, Ronald McDonald and even various iterations of The Joker! In light of the Jags’ upset of Indianapolis, who as two-touchdown favorites and needing just one win on the scoreboard to make the playoffs, the live-dogs invited the local costumed fans to return for each home-game of the 2022 season!
Our Part I post-season got off to a fine start, hitting 1 of 2 regular five picks and both our “best bets” on 12/17. Ultimately, we finished 3-2 and 4-0, respectively, as our preferred selections cashed at 5-0, Baby!!
Under da’ tree, on da’ heels of da’ “Farkus ‘Drink Yer Ovaltine’ Bowl”, nicely wrapped and gently tucked-in amidst the Nakatomi Plaza Lego set, Arctic Weather Station Barbie, Krampus plush doll, Gremlins bartending kit, Fisher-Price Blocking Sled and behind the emotional support tiger-shark, you’ll find us leavin’ da’ offense on the field with 4th-and-Grinches to covert a copy of...
THE WEBER KID’S 22-23 BOWL PREDICTIONS FORECAST: PART II
(About to be haunted by the ghost of Jacob Parlay! [“Business??! Manlineman-kind was our business!])
MON. DEC. 26
Quick Lane Bowl (@ Detroit, MI)
Bowling Green (-3 ½) over New Mexico State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. We chose to include this one, not because of its national importance, but rather because it’s perhaps one of, if not THE, ugliest match-up on the bowl schedule. Aggies applied for and were granted a waiver with a 5-6 record due to tragedies that struck two scheduled opponents during the season that led to cancellations, but are typically much better on the hardwood than on the gridiron. In fact, NMSU’s only bowl-appearance in the past six decades was 2017 win (in overtime) over Arizona. Falcons at least have some history of success as a football program in the MAC. Why NMSU was the initial 1-point favorite is beyond us (5-0 win-streak but against a pair of FCS squads, UMass [0-11 vs. I-A competition] and rival Lobos [1-10 vs. FBS teams]). Bee Gees, who went down to I-AA Eastern Kentucky in September, were 7-22 outright coming into ‘22 and lost 4 of their first 5 (scratchin’-out a three-point triumph over Akron, which finished 1-10 vs. I-A foes). Contest will happen at Ford Field’s domed-stadium so winter conditions won’t mean anything. Falcons are led by Sr. QB Matt McDonald, but the stop-squad has been weak...allowing 33.35 ppg, tempered only by 9 vs. Western Michigan. Aggies lost 5 of 1st 6, gifting 32.33 ppg. “Over 48” could be considered as well...Birds 38 New Mexico State 18
THURS. DEC. 29
Cheez-It Bowl (Orlando, FL)
#13 Florida State (-9 ½) over Oklahoma: This one got a brief stare fer “lock” and the “under 65 ½” drew our notice as well (FSU had just a duo of finals above the number. Spooners had five, but they do business in the Wild, Wild West of da’ Big 12). Jus’ sayin’. Not quite a “home game” fer State, but we’d expect a partisan crowd fer a Tallahassee club that surrendered their only three bad games in consecutive weeks to three then-Top 25 opponents by just 9 total points. FSU finally gets to sneer/snicker/laugh/smile at the downward spiral of rival Pelicans, while the faithful in Happy Valley, enjoying the services of former UM HC Manny Diaz, orchestrating the Nifty Lions D, do their best Andy Kaufman impersonation, quipping “Tank you bitty much.” Ranked-Seminoles re-appear on the national stage following four previous seasons of irrelevancy [five if ya count 7-6 record in 2017] and first bowl since 2019 loss to Arizona. State will prolly wanna’ punctuate the success fer the alumni by keeping pedal-to-metal, while OK first-year HC Brent Venables, off to a meh 6-6 outing, might simply wish to evaluate next season’s talent …Da’ Chop 41 Desperately Seeking Sooners 17
Valero Alamo Bowl (@ San Antonio, TX)
#12 Washington (+4) over #21 Texas: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK (“Rut-roh, ‘Craggy!”). There’s a bowl-trend that suggests that if ya like a ‘dog with da’ points, take a chance and wager them on da’ money-line. So be it! Top Five rusher RB Bijon Robinson will forgo this one en route to his NFL Draft selection, taking almost 1600 ground yards and 18 TDs with him. Next man up fer Austin is Roschon Johnson at about less than a third of those yards and rushing scores. Huskies weren’t horrible against the run, giving up 127 ppg, so maybe not a huge hit to the Cattle. Pass D is effectively a wash here. Texas QB Quinn Ewers, with little backfield support, has a good chance to break 2000 passing yards by the end of the day. Interestingly, four of the best five clubs in offensive yards per game hailed from...the PAC-12. Steers have won each of their last four post-season outings by substantial margins since 2017 and HC Steve Sarkisian is no stranger to the opposing conference. UDUB first-year coach Kalen DeBoer has the Canines at 10-2 outright after seven combined straight-up wins the previous three seasons and brings them in on a momentum of 6 victories in a row. Rib-Eyes took 7 of 11, with losses to Bama by 1, 3 at Texas Tech, 7 at Stillwater and 7 vs. the Ft. Worth Amphibians...Iditarod 41 T-Bones 34
FRI. DEC. 30
Capital One Orange Bowl (@ Miami Gardens. FL)
#6 Tennessee (+5 ½) over #10 Clemson (“under 63 ½”): Fer Britney Spears fans...“OOPS! Weee..did it again!” Another bold double-call after being unable to find and zero-in on a traditional 5th pick from the remaining slate through New Year’s Eve Eve. A half-dozen ACC clubs made the post-season but only after the entirety of its membership committed conference cannibalism that kept them from the playoffs. Vols aren’t strangers to being one of the overrated preseason Top Ten teams that close out the campaign outside the rankings, however, 2nd Year HC Josh Heupel has them positioned to avoid that course, winning all four NC tilts (and covering the three lined ones). Rocky Top as noted before, bested ‘Bama, and gave CFP #1 Joja’ a tussle “between the hedges”, losing by 14. Doin’ our best Dirty Harry impersonation, “ya gotta’ ask yerself just one question...do ya think Clemson is a mere TD worse than Georgia?! Well do ya, Punk??!!”. Tennessee’s conference scoring D improved almost a full touchdown from last season. The claw-firm of Dabo & Associates lost just twice to-date...by 21 at Our Lady and by 1 at South Carolina (who recently smoked the Volunteers by [gasp!] 25). Coaching edge goes to the Tigers and it’s too close to assert the upset, so let’s say...”Grinchy, Baby...steal a touchdown under da’ tree...from me...CU 27 Coon-Skin Caps 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW...We seriously enjoyed watchin’ a couple dozen of the Big Tent-staples and creepy characters pile-out of a VW bug at midfield during warm-ups throughout the year!
BTW Again...Our lead story conjures up memories of Stealers Wheel as featured in a very disturbing scene of Reservoir Dogs featuring Michael Madsen (we’ll never hear that tune again the same way)…"Clowns to the left of me, jo-kers to my right...here I am...stuck over the middle with you!” (Those unfamiliar with the film-in-question...Google it! [At yer own risk!])
Offering our only comments on this year’s anticipated high-scoring Texas Bowl, featuring the Texas Tech Red Ryder BB-Guns and Ole Missed, we babble “You’ll shoot-out yer eyes, Kid!
In September, the Cleveland Browns unveiled their new midfield logo...”Brownie the Elf”. As the junior rookie (5th-round and final team selection with the 108th pick of the ‘22 draft), RB Jerome Ford gets to move the elf several times throughout around various places in FirstEnergy Stadium on Christmas Eve!
Concurrently, at the 2022 North Pole draft, also just ahead of Christmas Eve, “War rooms” are buzzing after Hermie the Elf selected the best remaining reindeer on the board with the 17th pick of the draft within seconds of forfeiting the pick. Yukon Cornelius is now on the clock. Defending his choice and his time-management, the misfit “den-tist” said, “I am not just a nit-wit.”
“Santa, Baby...slip a touch-down under da’ tree...fer me.”
If football meets Hannukah, do we light the Linemenorrah”???!!!
Noting snippets from T’was a Night-Game Before Christmas, sing it...”Us in our ‘kerchief and Coach in her cap, had just settled fer a quick half-time nap...when what to our replaying-eyes should appear but a mini-par-lay and eight kegs of good beer.”
Taking a few liberties from a Wham classic...”Lassssst Christmas...I gave you my heart. The very next day...you kicked it away.” (Adding insult to injury, it wasn’t even 4th-Down!!!!)
1995 All-Terror Hockey Team “Honorable Mention”
Wing- Ivan “Specs” Winnafazov: University of Saskatchewan-Denver. Senior. 4’9” 115. Hometown: Moscow, Russia. Has 40/200 vision and wears prescription goggles. Usually fans on any attempt to shoot or pass the puck. Often gets the hook in lieu of the goalie when the Reindeer Warriors need an extra skater late in the game. Nearly scored an empty-net goal between-the-periods of 24-2 loss to University of Michigan-Dearborne.
Defenseman- Walter “Woody” Hertmi: Colorado Academy of Ancient Medicine. Senior. 6’5” 502. Hometown: Morgantown, West Virginia. Major: Amputation Techniques. Wields a hockey-stick like a broadsword. A definite-”enforcer”-type for the Shamans. Led the conference in “high-sticking” and “slashing”. Would be a more-effective defender if he spent less time in the penalty box.
“Santa’s makin’ a list...and hip-checkin' it twice!”
One more thought on our Jose Canseco carwash from item Part I...The Southpaw- the vehicle is cleaned exclusively by left-handed employees! BTW, “There’s no cryin’ at the carwash” and due to supply-chain issues, all available air freshener options smell like fresh-mowed grass, the dug-out, new leather glove and infield dirt!
Fuhgeddabout Mike Tyson’s “Elf-on-Da'-Thelf”...We got “Shaq at da’ Rack!” (Or as uttered by said former heavyweight-champ...”Thaq at da’ rack!”)
“Wish We Had It Back”: We’d like to turn back the calendar, as in noted in Part I,...”Our gut-reaction was Flames and da’ (very minimal) points [+3 ½]”...seein’ as how Liberty lost by only 2 to Soyuz 13!
Black Shirt: This week’s ugly Christmas-sweater goes to...Mean Green RB Ikaika Ragsdale fer a 5-yard rushing TD with about 8 minutes left to help North Texas cover +10 ½ and lift the total “over 60”!!!
Vindy’s Bowl Predictions Part II Best Bets (as chosen by Tiny Tim): Last Week: 4-0 Season: 31-33 (.484)
Coastal Carolina vs. East Carolina “over 63”, Central Florida +1 ½ over Duke, Maryland PK over NC State, Ucla –3 ½ over Pittsburgh
Until Part III, we offer our longtime traditional blessing...Pass on Earth, Goodwill Toward Linemen.
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