NEW ICONIC GAME HOST DECLARED AFTER USURPERS SEEK “WHEEL”
LOS ANGELES, California....Following Pat Sajak’s decision to finally throw in the towel in June as facilitator, starting in September, there was much speculation about who would take the reins of the popular game-show Wheel of Fortune. Sajak, a passionate baseball and hockey aficionado who also showed up on “ESPN’s Game Days of Our Lives”, “Wheel-House of Fortune”, “Wheel-Route of Fortune” hosted by Alex Rodriguez, Jacksonville’s “Teal of Fortune” (hosted by Jags QB Trevor Lawrence) and certain segments of Terry ventriloquist show on the Vegas Strip, featuring “Achmed the Dead Terrorist”, famous for quipping…"Silence...I keel you of Fortune” was eventually supplanted by Ryan Seacrest, who got the nod over other notable nominees and signs off nightly with...“Seacrest....three-and-out!”
Last week was better (2-3, 19-22-3, .463) than Week 8 (but then, we had nowhere to go but up!)
“Tiny Troy”, in a recent Head & Shoulders commercial, declared “there’s no dandruff flakes in...”
THE WEBER KID’S 2023 WEEK 10 FORECAST
(“’ it Oh, and not quite ’ da’ basket with the ball either!)
SAT. NOV. 4
#5 Washington @ #24 USC (“under 77”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This past summer, USC QB Caleb Williams guaranteed a playoff berth during the PAC-12 Media days. Despite four turnovers by Cal, SoCal escaped the Berkeley Bears 50-49 last week by successfully defeating a late 2-point conversion. Huskies have gone just 3-7 as away and haven’t exactly convincingly put away their past four opponents. Meanwhile, in the City of Angels, Trojans have dropped 6 in a row to the line (2-7 overall) while besting just one of its last three foes on the scoreboard and dropped their first game outright at the Coliseum in a dozen chances two weeks ago vs. Da’ Utes. Troy Boys are 8-1 “over” on the year with five of ‘ above this number (3 of ‘ at home). Snow Puppies have exceeded this total just once, allowing 25.8 ppg in 12-PACK play, while USC has conceded 38.6 ppg in conference matches. UDUB’s Michael Penix continues his drive toward post-season hardware while Williams’ hopes fade to black until ‘24...Mush! 34 Wooden Horses 30
#7 TEXAS (-4) over #25 Kansas State: Best guess fer “Wish We Had It Back”. Steers have already suffered the annual “OOPS, we ’ won ‘’!” game with late demise in Red River Shoe-Horn! Mulberry Mousers have deftly pocketed four victories in five stabs at it to stealthily climb back into the rankings. ‘Horns haven’t topped 8 outright wins since 10-4 record in can equal their season-best with 8th by taking the win here. Five of six in this series have been , decided by 6, 5, 3. 5 and 7 (the outlier being a 38-point margin in ‘20 by the Cattle) Austin Animals have gotten by two of three ranked opponents on the year. K-State games have ended below 51 thrice in four contests, giving up just 3 points over the last two. ‘Horns are 6-2 “under” on the campaign. Marc Lawrence’s recommended betting on the Felines, who’ve won outright in 4 of last 10 getting points on the road. Steers showed up in seven-hole in this week’s initial CFP rankings. Most statistical comparisons are washes, but Texas back-up QB Maalik Murphy is completing 60.6 of his throws (2 TDs, 1 pick) filling in for Quin Ewers, while KSU’s quarterback Wil Howard is completing 63.7% (14-7). Stats “take State”. But gut says back the side with the homefield edge, Top 25 all year and a need to atone for debauchery at the Red River Shoe Polish by conquering another ranked enemy...Steaks 29 Kitties 19
#8 ALABAMA (-3) over #13 Louisiana State (“under 61”): Oh, yes, we did! In view of our recent lack of success and nothing much to lose, we pick a side and a total on this one! Both teams got the yearly breather before this game. Revenge is in the mix as ‘Bama’s only two outright falls in ‘22 came on final plays of the game vs. the Vols (recently avenged 34-2) and at Baton Rouge 32-31. sit at 4-1 in the SEC West, one game behind the Tide. Pachyderms are 16-0 in conference home games (the last SU loss was in 2018 against...LSU!). Tide is stingily granting 11 points per game in SEC play. State’s giving up almost twice that. Tide’s last six melees have finished below this total, while Big Cats have gone higher than the number in all 8 games thus far (7-0 “over” in FBS). “New” QB Tyler Buchner has the luxury of facing State, which has beaten the line six straight times off a bye per Marc Lawrence, for the first time in Tuscaloosa rather than Death Valley... 33 17
Army (+18) over #17 Air Force (@ Denver, CO): Second choice fer “lock”. Not sure how many West Pointers there are in the area or will travel west to the Rockies, but we’re ’ the crowd will be partisan toward the Flyboys. In its last outing, USAF scored more points than it likely would’ve, but the Colorado State faithful drew a yellow hankie fer lobbing snowballs at the Air Force sideline, helping it score an eventual touchdown. The Platoon, while Senior-heavy on both sides and returning 17 starters from ‘22, has been well-off its usual rushing game (traditionally within the top three or four programs nationally, but currently 23rd at 191.4 yards per game, a few spots below resurgent UNLV Rebels!). Soldiers have gone to more of a shotgun-approach yet are still 5th-worst in passing yardage in the country. Third of four straight games away from the friendly hangar for the Pilots. Totals in four of the last five years have ended below the current one of 32, with only the 2021 final reaching 35 in overtime. The whole battalion was AWOL in a 63-0 defeat in Baton Rouge, followed by a 7-point loss on the Hudson River against the Minuet Rice of UMass, but with the “Kelly’s Heroes” theme song “Burning Bridges” ’ in da’ background, we call...Aviators 21 Ground-Pounders 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy’s name was bandied about temporarily, but in the end, he was simply offered a spot to be an on-call emergency fill-in for Vanna White to turn letters and speak only when spoken-to!
In news related to last week’s item about the Michigan sign-stealing scandal involving multiple venues in and around the Big Trench Coat Conference, we note two things...officials from the Houston Astros could not be reached for comment and... humble host has been illegally filming inside a number of sportsbooks with a camera hidden in his tie after purchasing plane tickets (though we don’t know why since all the casinos-in-question are within short driving distance!). Frankly, we’ve learned nothing of importance except maybe who the available ticket-writers might be on any given day and which of them might be sidelined with hand or wrist repetitive motion injuries after incessantly using a stylus to input wager numbers into their computers!
Continuing our thoughts on the above-noted military clash, Vindy’s spies suggest the Long Gray Line has recruited Rams’ fans, still annoyed by last week’s outcome, to help bombard the USAF sideline again, with pints of ice cream fired from cannons, mortar tubes, grenade-launchers and light anti-tank weapons!
Late last week, the 2023 Bahamas Bowl was relocated to the campus of Charlotte, North Carolina because the usual venue in Nassau is still undergoing structural alterations. Yep...’ says Caribbean Paradise like Charlotte, NC in December! (Shorter plane-flight fer all-involved though!)
We plead guilty to dereliction-of-duty for not giving our kudos (“”?! For the Stephen King fans ahead of Halloween!) to UNLV last week for becoming bowl-eligible fer da’ first time in a decade, albeit on the foot of K Jose Pizano, who booted six FGs, ’ da’ contest- as the game-clock hit zeroes! (BTW, Rebels are 5-1 against the line in I-A play!)
While we sympathize with the Colorado players that stuff misappropriated during their game at UCLA last week, we ’ question why folks would leave valuables in a locker room, friendly or otherwise, to begin with!!!
No truth to the rumor that that the officiating referee covered up the fact that the Super Bowl Fitty-Seven commemorative coin a likeness of George Santos on one side and a Chinese spy-balloon on the other!
Continuing our thoughts from Week 9 regarding machines calling balls and strikes...How ‘bout...The Robot from Lost in Space (“Danger, Danger, Jackie Robinson!”), Gort (“, ...nicked the outside of da’ plate...Strike Three!!”), Robocop (“Put down da’ bat, Citizen or there will be...trouble.”) or Terminator behind da’ plate, taking a foul-ball off his mask or into his nether-regions...”I’ll be back-stop"!
This week’s featured member of the 2023 All-Vindicator Hockey Team...
Winger- Alfred “Doomsday Daffodil” Anderson. University of Bismarck. Freshman. 7’4” 175. Hometown: Pierre, South Dakota. Major: Botany. When not practicing or playing with his “Bomb-Pops” teammates, spends time spelling airmen assigned to the 91st Missile Wing, keeping a watchful eye on the nuclear weapons at Minot AFB, North Dakota as part of his work-study program. Slender frame basically limits him to tossing bouquets over his shoulder to fans in the stands during pre-game warm-ups.
The 2023-24 college hoops starts next week, prompting us to point out that last May, Dennis Rodman’s son, DJ, committed to play at USC alongside Bronny James. Vindy’s spies suggest Kim Jon Un will not only foot the bill for DJ’s tuition but will also secure a season-pass for court-side seats during Trojans’ home-games!
On a serious note...RIP Bobby Knight (who passed away earlier this week). With no intent to be insensitive, but how cool would it be to have current Hoosiers’ head man Mike Woodson honor the fiery coach by launching a folding chair onto the court at Assembly Hall ahead of Saturday’s exhibition tilt vs. Marian?!
Black Shirt: This week’s coal-colored cloth is awarded to ’ Tech RB Dontae Smith for a 70-yard touchdown run to reduce the ‘Jackets’ 4th Quarter hole from 10 (42-32) to 3 (42-39) with 11 minutes left, route to the Bees’ eventual upset of North Carolina (46-42)!
“Wish We Had It Back”: We’d like a do-over on our choice of Oklahoma-KANSAS “under 65 ½" (Jayhawks hit the EZ with less than a minute left to send the total “over”) after noting “We considered da’ Birds +10...”
“Locked in a Box”: Last Week: 0-1 as the Olive Bubble Bath of Tulane scraped by Rice as 12 ½-point chalk. Season: 4-5 (.444)
Shoppe Talk: The Green Wave of is being thrown out with the bath water at the Shoppe after slumping to 0-5 (.000). We’re selling plush Bulldawgs in the lobby failure to convert forecast picks for the fourth straight time (0-4, 000). And we’re marketing stuffed Blue Jays as Kansas stumbles to 1-3-1 (.250). BTW, fer inquiring mines that ’ know, North Carolina has treated us kindly, hitting four consecutive predictions (4-0, 1.000).
Vindy’s Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-4 Season: 13-24 (.300)
Central Florida (-3 ½) over CINCINNATI, Mississippi State @ KENTUCKY “over 45 ½”, VANDERBILT (+12 ½) over Auburn, @ NEW MEXICO “over 61”