TEAM TO STAGE HISTORIC RIDE
FOXBORO, Massachusetts(CNN)…The hometown NFL favorites are having a little fun with Sarah Palin’s January revisionist-history interpretation of a famous event of the American Revolution, which posed the idea that part of Paul Revere’s ride was to inform the Brits already onsite that they had no shot to win. On the eve of the New England-New York football game, the Patriots plan to have a Paul Revere impersonator ride his horse through the visitors’ hotel lobby to do likewise! The rider-in-question is rumored to be Chad Ochocinco, who will reportedly taunt the opponents with a gymnastic dismount of his steed while spiking the football on the bell desk…once if by land, twice if by sea!
We weren’t gonna’ defeat the British (or even the Swiss) with last week’s 9-9 (66-96-1, 407), but we did chalk-up our highest weekly win-total since recording 10 back in Week 5 a month ago! BTW, the only reason Washington braved the winter elements to cross the Delaware was to read…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 10 FORECAST
(Instigating spontaneous “Tebowing” around the globe!)
FRI. NOV. 4
#21 Southern Cal over COLORADO giving 21 ½: Trojans 37 Buffaloes 13
SAT. NOV. 5
#1 Louisiana State over #2 ALABAMA taking 5 ½: “Game of da’ Century?!” Please. We get one of those every year. “Game of the season”??!! We hope so. None of the Tide opponents until now have had the D to neutralize mistakes by the offense or kick-coverage teams that frequently gave Alabama a short-field and we like “under” whatever total gets posted on this Totals have ranged from 39 to 48 in four of the last five years, with a 75-point anomaly in ‘07. The posted total we saw on this was 42, so the books don’t see this getting out-of-hand either. Penn State didn’t play badly on defense, they just had no offense to keep pace with Alabama. LSU won 24-21 in Baton Rouge last season, getting almost a touchdown, and is 1-3-2 ATS the last six in this series. We expect Les Miles to show no fear and break into the bag of trick-plays if he thinks ‘Bama is vulnerable. Key match-up will be Bengals’ run D vs. RB Richardson. The punters will actually earn their money this week and with 12 more kicks, we give the edge to LSU in playing for field position. We definitely like the points and at no extra cost, we call the minor upset…LSU 20 Bama 17
#17 Kansas State over #3 OKLAHOMA STATE taking 20 ½: Cowpokes 38 KSU 27
#4 Stanford over OREGON STATE giving 20 ½: The books seem to like the three-touchdown margin for the Cardinal when facing unranked clubs. Ducks are up next for Stanford, but even if Luck sits after three quarters, the running game still has plenty of pop and Redbirds are high enough in the BCS rankings that style-points might still be important. Bet State in the first half, but watch the Cardinal pile-on after the intermission. The commander-in-chief recently told an audience that the First Lady hails from “a ‘Leave It to the Beavers’ perfect family”. Until now, we’d forgotten all about the presidential connection to the folks in Corvallis…Stanford 49 OSU 20
#5 Boise State over UNLV giving 41 ½: Hats off to UNLV for pulling a win over CSU, despite efforts to let the Rams escape with the victory, but a rested Broncos team (which previously spanked the Rams by fitty) and a presumably-healthier Kellen Moore at QB ain’t exactly gonna’ keep the Mo’ goin’. In January, a local LVRJ contributor compared demotion of former UNLV starting QB Mike Clausen to defense, then eventual suspension to “going from the showroom at Caesar’s to the back lounge at Slots-A-Fun…”. We take exception! The local-fave dive-casino near Circus Circus on the Vegas Strip sells a rockin’ margarita for a bargain price!... Boise 61 Rabbles 13
WASHINGTON over #6 Oregon taking 15 ½: Oregon 41 UDUB 27
Texas A&M over #7 OKLAHOMA taking 13 ½: OK 41 A&M 30
#8 ARKANSAS over #10 South Carolina giving 4 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Props to Poultry’s defense, but without Marcus Lattimore, scoring has been at a premium for SC (54 vs. Kentucky notwithstanding, total of 62 over the other 4 games). Despite near-loss to Vandy following the off-week, we think Pigs have more than enough firepower. Arkansas has won and covered four of the last five vs. the Spicy Nuggets… Razorbacks 27 Carolina 14
Northwestern over #9 NEBRASKA taking 17: Huskers 34 NW 20
#11 Clemson: IDLE (next vs. Wake Forest)
#12 Virginia Tech: IDLE (next @ Georgia Tech 11/10)
#13 Michigan over IOWA giving 4: Scary-small line ‘til we consider we felt the same way about Michigan being a 2 ½ –point dog at Michigan State and paid the price. Hawkeyes have won four of five home games in 2011 (and 21-5 SU in Ames the past three three-plus seasons), including 3-point victory over Pitt and 10-point win over Northwestern, but we thought we had caught the first-half results of a premature start to college hoops when we saw “Minnesota 22 Iowa 21” last week! Iowa defense yielding about 23 ppg, but that’s up again as it has been the last two years as well, and Hawks have scored 31 or more in 6 of 8 thus far. UM just 2-7-1 as road chalk and Iowa won outright in 2009 and 2010. Michigan RB Fitzgerald Toussaint went for 270 yards vs. Purdue. Iowa has a less-than-middlin’ rush D at 164 ypg and 3.9 ypc…Big Blew 34 Iowa 24
#14 Houston over UAB giving 27 ½: Cougars quickly becoming the Boise State of C-USA, but still need to tighten-up the defense. The blowouts won’t mean much this year, but could help land more future BCS-conference opponents in an effort to emulate the Broncos’ success. Houston benefits from a couple extra days to prepare off the Thursday night pasting of Rice behind Keenum’s nine (count ‘em, nine!) scoring throws, but host Tulane just five days after this one. We will disregard UAB’s 39-zippo loss at Florida, but Blazers had reeled-off five consecutive covers until 45-point defeat by Marshall…OUCH! Can’t ignore Tulane’s 39-point victory either…UH 54 Alabama-Birmingham 24
#15 MICHIGAN STATE over Minnesota giving 27 ½: Despite the upset of Iowa last week, we think O-fers, who’ve made a lot of teams healthy this season, revert to form and catch Sparty off a bad defeat at Nebraska, in which Big Dread defense smothered State’s efforts to move the ball. MSU is 4-0 ATS in East Lansing. Minny converted two 4th Downs in as many tries to capture the Floyd of Rosedale pewter porker. That’ll have to suffice until 2012…Michigan State 34 Gerbils 0
#16 Penn State: IDLE (next vs. Nebraska)
New Mexico State over #18 GEORGIA taking 34: The “conference sandwich” concept we offered for the Oklahoma-Ball State game earlier this year didn’t pan out, but hey, as you can tell by our safety helmet (plainly inscribed with “this side up”), we’re ridin’ the forecasters’ short-bus this season and we’ll try it again with Joja’ off hard-fought rally win over Florida…and Auburn on the horizon. Surprisingly-competitive Aggies have covered 6 of 7, though just 1-2 in non-conference games. Bulldogs show a current 3-6 ATS slide vs. non-SEC squads. NMSU’s scored at least 24 every game except September loss to UTEP (in which it managed 10)…Joja’ 31 Aggies 6
Purdue over #19 WISCONSIN taking 25 ½: After two crushing last minute defeats, Badgers will be focused on closing out this game on the right side of the scoreboard, especially after Wisky had just three flags for 9 yards and zero turnovers in loss to Ohio State, but this still might be too many points. Boilers lost by 22 to Michigan but were 15 seconds from losing by 29. Russell Wilson was no effective on the ground, but we don’t know that Purdue can limit his scrambling like the Buckeyes did. Choo-Choos are coin-toss worthy ATS in conference play the last five years, but 3-1 this season…Badgers 39 Purdue 17
#20 Arizona State over UCLA giving 9 ½: ASU 28 Ruins 10
#22 Georgia Tech: IDLE (next vs. Virginia Tech 11/10)
#23 Cincinnati over PITT giving 2 ½: Bearkats playing their first game since entering the rankings, having had last week off. Quarterback Nick Collaros and a bunch of other seniors returned for Cincinnati, who won just four games all of 2010 and are taking advantage of the experience. Panthers should be rested as well, beating UConn on Wednesday. Pitt’s RB Graham, averaging almost 120 yards per game, will need a good game vs. Cincy’s #2 rushing defense, while QB Tino Sunseri tries to match throws with his counterpart. Pitt’s won 17 of 24 Big Least games. Cincinnati’s scoring 41 points per game, getting an average of just two TD passes/game from Collaros. Bearkats veteran defense is playing well…Cincinnati 24 Pitt 19
#24 WEST VIRGINIA over Louisville giving 13 ½: Mouseketeers 31 Da’ Ville 13
#25 Auburn: IDLE (next @ Georgia)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
“The Giants are comin’! The Giants are comin’!”
GOP candidate Herman Cain has been touting his “9-9-9” plan, which has something to do with taxes rather than an innovative defensive alignment, but it’s probably what opposing offenses feel like they’re facing when going against stop-squads from either of this week’s 1-2 match-up!
Donald Trump revealed in May that he washes his hair with Head & Shoulders. He later announced he would not, in fact, run for president in 2012. Bummer! We were seriously lookin’ forward to televised debates between Joe Biden and Vice Presidential candidate Troy Polamalu! With an exchange going something like….Polamalu: “You were admiring my running mate’s hair, weren’t you???!!!” Biden: “No.” Polamalu: “Weren’t you??” Biden: “yes.”
A soccer team tendered an offer to a seven-year-old earlier this year. In July, a woman in Longview, Texas gave birth to a 16-lbs.,1-oz baby boy. Said-infant has already received football scholarship offers from the Longhorns, Aggies, Bears, Horned Frogs and Red Raiders!
Congrats to Joe Paterno for notching his record-setting 409th victory over the Halloween weekend. BTW, Nevada joined the union on October 31, 1864…the same year JoePa got his first win as a head coach.
A couple weeks back, we foreshadowed an extended period of daily football and noted it was a total of 33 days. It was actually 23 days. Obviously, we got so excited at that prospect, we tripped over the abacus and landed squarely on our Texas Instrument!
“Locked in a Box?”: Bees burned us for second time on the season in a “lock” game, beating Clemson outright and dropping the tally again to 3-6 (.333).
Shoppe Talk: The Cowpokes, Buckeyes and Hokies all get a weekend pass (but nothing more) after being on the right side last week, but Arkansas falls to 1-6 (.142), along with the Mousey Ears of West Virginia (1-6, .142) and the Ramblin’ Wreckage of Joja’ Tech (1-5, .167). If you’re wondering at home if any squads are actually treating your host kindly amidst the carnage of the 2011 campaign, we offer…the Oregon Ducks (5-1, .833) and the Florida Gators (6-2, .750).
Vindy’s Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-4 Season: 20-24-1 (.454)
Duke +15 ½ over MIAMI, Washington State +9 ½ over CAL, Weeziana Tech +3 ½ over FRESNO STATE, Arkansas State -17 over FLORIDA ATLANTIC, TENNESSEE-Middle Tennessee State “over” 54 ½
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 9-2011
STADIUM BESET BY ANGRY BETTORS
COLUMBUS, Ohio (CNN)…As protesters across the country confronted police, raging against government bailouts and tax breaks that helped only the nation’s elite few, the Vegas Vindicator, too, had had enough. The renowned college football prophet, frustrated with mounting forecast losses, especially courtesy of the Buckeyes, rallied protesters from their original location in a vacant lot across from UNLV’s Thomas & Mack Center (all 20 of ‘em) and travelled to the Ohio State campus in a movement dubbed by the Weber Kid as “Occupy Da’ ‘Shoe”! Expressing disappointment with ongoing scandals at the school and displeasure with the inconsistent play of the football team, currently at 3-2 against the spread, Vindicator, who is suffering from a current 4-13-1 forecast record picking OSU games, confused the nationwide slogan with an old adage and ended up waving a sign reading, “We are the whole 99 yards!”
Halloween looms (“Loomis”? [Fans of the movie series will get that reference!]), but with the picks at 30 games below .500 (5-13 last week, 57-87-1, .396 on the season) and sinkin’ like stock in Netflix, Jason, Freddy, Michael and Jigsaw got nuthin’ on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(“Oh, yes…there will be blood”)
THURS. OCT. 27
#18 HOUSTON over Rice giving 27: “Wish I Had It Back” written all over this, but Owls, who’ve (“Hooooo’ve?”) covered five of last six vs. cross-town rival Coogs (including outright wins in 2008 and 2010), lost by 25 at Baylor and 25 at Texas earlier this season. Rice’s last trip to Robertson Stadium however resulted in a 73-14 pounding. Cougars are holding I-A opponents to about 22 ppg, and Rice lights the board for mid-twenties on average, meaning UH will need to probably break into the fifties to cover. Houston has ventured past the half-century mark in three of its last four matches and just missed on the other one. Barnyard Birds have yielded 50 just once (at Baylor) and have gone “under” the total (mid-to-high fifties) in 5 of 7 games, but haven’t faced this prolific an offense. If now-NCAA total offense record-holder Case Keenum stays healthy, we see little reason why Houston won’t cover this. Cougars blasted Marshall 63-28 for Homecoming and our only concern, despite a 3-0 home ATS record so far and a lot of seniors at the skill positions, is a slow start here on the short week after expending that kind of energy, especially with a defense prone to giving up big points to lower conference opponents…Houston 54Rice 26
SAT. OCT. 29
#1 LSU: IDLE (next @ Alabama)
#2 Alabama: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
#3 OKLAHOMA STATE over Baylor giving 14: OKSU 48 Bares 27
#4 Stanford over #20 USC giving 7 ½: Men of Troy getting little press despite 6-1 straight-up record (4-3 ATS). Cardinal, however, despite nothing remarkable about its slate either (though layin’ 65 on then-ranked Huskies got a few looks), has been unstoppable and a weekly liability to the ‘books. The difference between the two clubs is the average margin-of-victory. USC’s win over the Frightenin’ Irish lends some credibility, but Trojans are getting points at home for only the second time in two seasons (and second time since the beginning of 2002)…Redbirds 37 Trojans 20
#5 Boise State: IDLE (next @ UNLV)
#6 Clemson over GEORGIA TECH giving 3 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. At 7-0 against the line, Tigers are also sportsbook-bane and given that the secret is out…Tevon Washington is the weakest link for the ‘Jackets, make him throw the ball…the short spread is a bit curious. Tech turned it over six times in the past two weeks, both SU losses, including three INT by Washington. Bees have revenge angle for last year’s 27-13 defeat and Tigers traditionally are fitty-fitty propositions on the road, but Clemson has beaten three Top 25 foes, two of ‘em away. Before 2010, the previous two years were decided by 3 and 4. Did Tech burn the game film that would’ve gone to Clemson or just swap it out with the “Bee Movie”???... Tigers 31 GT 23
Washington State over #7 OREGON taking 35: Oregon cornerback Cliff Harris will grab some pine… again…for involvement in a traffic incident… AGAIN! He was caught recently driving with a suspended license and no insurance (editor’s note: that and a tat at a discount gets him a starting position with the Buckeyes this week. We’re just sayin’….) after being busted in June doin’ 118 mph with an expired license to-boot! The Mallards defender told local gendarmes he was merely trying to improve his time in the forty! QB Darron Thomas was reportedly asleep in the passenger side. Okay, Vindicator’s a light sleeper, but if we’re ridin’ shotgun in a vehicle exceedin’ the century mark, 1) we ain’t grabbin’ a power nap! and 2) there damn well better be an emergency crew wherever the car stops, with the jaws-of-life to pry Vindy’s fingers outta’ the visor and his toes outta’ the CD player/tape deck and glove-box, respectively!...Ducks 61 Wazzou 29
#8 Arkansas over VANDERBILT giving 10: Much respect to the ‘Dores and their 4-1 SU record at home under first year coach Franklin, but we think the off-week hampered Hogs on both sides of the ball in first half at Old Missed, who jumped out 17-0 before Pigs reeled-off 29 unanswered points. Arkansas shows a 14-4 TD-to-INT ratio, while Vandy’s D is very-respectable 21st nationally with 10-to-15 TD allowed-to-INT ratio (including 3 returned for scores). Admirals defend the run reasonably well too, at about 133 ypg and just 5 rushing scores-against. More of a vote for Arkansas’ offense than against Vanderbilt in general (though Commodores show total of 3 points against the two previous ranked teams they’ve played)…Razorbacks 34 Vandy 17
#9 Michigan State over #13 NEBRASKA taking 4: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Yeah, Big Dread walloped lame-duck Minnesota (as we predicted) and yeah, Sparty got some divine intervention to edge Wisconsin with the fortunate carom that turned into a 44-yard score as the clock ran out, but we’re more inspired to back State, who’s now 3-0 SU/ATS in the conference against three teams expected to contend than to support Nebraska squad still feeling its way around the new digs a bit and whose vaunted ground game goes toe-to-toe with nation’s #8 team vs. the rush (less than 89 ypg allowed). State’s 5-1 ATS overall, while Huskers are 0-3 ATS in Lincoln (though all three were double-digit lines)…MSU 24 Cornholio 23
#10 KANSAS STATE over #11 Oklahoma taking 13 ½: Spooners 34 KSU 28
OHIO STATE over #12 Wisconsin taking 7: In the preseason, this had the earmarks of maybe being for all the conference marbles, if not more. But the game has since lost some luster. The line speaks volumes to perhaps an over-rated Wisconsin squad and a Buckeyes team, which, while still slogging a bit on offense, has the D to win this outright in light of 2-1 SU record over last three games (and Nebraska was fortunate to rally). Badgers won by three touchdowns last year. Bucks had the extra week to strategize while Wisky was failing to execute in the shadow of its own goalposts enough to lose to Michigan State, yielding a safety and a blocked punt kicking from the EZ. State’s only bad loss came at Miami…Wisky 24 OSU 19
TENNESSEE over #14 South Carolina taking 3 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. And if not, Gamehens still have three wins over Georgia, Navy and Mississippi State by total of 8 points...Vols 19 Poultry 16
DUKE over #15 Virginia Tech taking 15: Hokies 24 Blue Devils 13
#16 TEXAS A&M over Missouri giving 11: A&M 34 Mizzou 20
#17 MICHIGAN over Purdue giving 13 ½: After being a non-factor in the early part of the year, Purdue lost almost all statistical categories but kept Illinois off the board until mid-4th quarter to grab its second SU win and third straight cover in last three weeks. None of the teams in question however had the kind of offense that Michigan possesses and with the extra week to stew about loss to “Little Brother”, we think Big Blue, 5-2 against the number, will crank it up to the delight of the Homecoming crowd in Ann Arbor. As an added bonus, the Wolverine band will strike up “Hail to the Victor Frankensteins”…Big Blew 38 Boilermakers 19
#19 TEXAS TECH (GASP!) over Iowa State giving 15: Red Raiders 47 Dust Devils 27
Illinois over #21 PENN STATE taking 4 ½: Lions own Big Tent-Peg’s longest ongoing SU dubya run at six (And counting? We thank fellow-prophet David Whitney for that tidbit. Check out his picks at dpdsdogs.com!). The alma mater, sitting atop the Leaders Division, also leans 6-1 to the “under”. This summer, JoePa conceded he violated an NCAA rule when, while ambling across campus, he stopped to observe a voluntary work-out then reported back to assistant coaches that a specific player “looked good”. Upon further review, Paterno couldn’t remember the name of the player-in-question and simply referred to him as “that kid in the blue jersey”…and why Coach was strolling thru the grounds at Rice in Houston at the time is still unknown! The feisty icon can become the winningest D-1 coach with a victory....PSU 17 Illinois 13
#22 Georgia over Florida giving 3 (@ Jacksonville, FL) : Joja’ 20 Gators 16
Colorado over #23 ARIZONA STATE taking 30 ½: Pitchforks 37 Bison 10
#24 Cincinnati: IDLE (next @ Pittsburgh)
RUTGERS over #25 West Virginia taking 7: Rutgers yielded rights to name its stadium to NJ-based High Point Solutions, Inc. of Sparta, which assists other Fortune 500 businesses with IT needs. They coulda’ just called it Sparta Stadium, but now its High Point Solutions Stadium. Maybe the team moniker should be Gladiators and they should hire Russell Crowe as the mascot! WVU has been an enigma from week-to-week at 3-3 ATS and just 2-6 last 8 laying points away from Morgantown. We’ve been on the Knights much of the year. We’ll stay there this week too…Mounted Ears 23 Jerseylicious! 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindicator told reporters he planned to use Twitter, Facebook and other social-networking media to implore supporters to take up the cause on his behalf at Lane Stadium in Blacksburg, Virginia, where his picks have flopped to 0-7 at the hands of the Virginia Tech Hokies!
Meanwhile, back in NYC, groups such as PETA, The Humane Society, World Wildlife Federation and ASPCA are gathering to demonstrate against the use of squid and related species as restaurant fare in an effort publicized as “Octopi Wall Street”!
During Harris’ stop, the trooper smelled marijuana. The players said they didn’t smoke it. Was Snoop Dogg in the trunk or what???!!!
Running all Halloween weekend on SyFy, a marathon about haunted running games called… “Tailbacks from the Darkside”.
For the “Rocky Horror” fans out there….Vindy’s abode is really just “some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos”.
On the big screen...Children of the Corn meets famously-bad ballplayer, Bob Uecker in “He Who Walks Behind the Front Rowwwwww”
A proposed merger of the Mountain West, Big Least and Conference USA?! Welcome to the “U.S. Mountain East Conference”? Or maybe the “Trans-America Conference” . Throw in University of Puerto Rico and University of Manitoba and call it the Big Continent! Or just get it over with by adding Cape Horn State and making it the “Magellan Conference”!!!
Unable to fork over the moolah to cover the sizable fine he incurred for previous drug and money-laundering charges, Edward Rife, the tattoo parlor owner at the center of Ohio State’s demise, now gets to spend some time in the pokey. We’re thinkin’ he could do enough body-art on the inside to raise the $10K he needs…in cigarettes!
In the “Things that make ya go ‘WTH?????!!!!’” category this week, we question the need for the Saints 62-7 annihilation of the Colts. Ain’t no style-points required in the BCS-less NFL.
The UNLV School of Medicine boasts a plastic surgeon named Dr. Zamboni! Apparently, face-offs aren’t a problem!!!!
While there are still a few innings left in the World Series, we’re boning-up on our Henry Wadsworth poetry because we heard… “Chicks dig the Longfellow!”
Takin’ a few liberties with a “Pet Sematary” quote from Fred Gwynne (previously of Herman Munster fame), we say, “Sometahms..deadball fouls ah bettah.”
“Locked in a Box?”: Illini fell outright to Purdue, leaving our lock record at 3-5 (.375)
Shoppe Talk: Hokies fall to 0-7 (.000) with Ohio State on this week’s docket again, still at 0-5 (.000). Oklahoma State continues to torment us at 1-6 (.142). Joining the fray, the Sooooeeeey Pig-Pig-Pigs of Arkansas at 1-5 (.167)
Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3-1 Season: 19-20-1 (.487)
Alabama-Birmingham +6 over MARSHALL, Wake Forest +7 over NORTH CAROLINA, MARYLAND -7 over Boston College, Memphis +28 ½ over CENTRAL FLORIDA, Western Kentucky +6 over UL-MONROE
COLUMBUS, Ohio (CNN)…As protesters across the country confronted police, raging against government bailouts and tax breaks that helped only the nation’s elite few, the Vegas Vindicator, too, had had enough. The renowned college football prophet, frustrated with mounting forecast losses, especially courtesy of the Buckeyes, rallied protesters from their original location in a vacant lot across from UNLV’s Thomas & Mack Center (all 20 of ‘em) and travelled to the Ohio State campus in a movement dubbed by the Weber Kid as “Occupy Da’ ‘Shoe”! Expressing disappointment with ongoing scandals at the school and displeasure with the inconsistent play of the football team, currently at 3-2 against the spread, Vindicator, who is suffering from a current 4-13-1 forecast record picking OSU games, confused the nationwide slogan with an old adage and ended up waving a sign reading, “We are the whole 99 yards!”
Halloween looms (“Loomis”? [Fans of the movie series will get that reference!]), but with the picks at 30 games below .500 (5-13 last week, 57-87-1, .396 on the season) and sinkin’ like stock in Netflix, Jason, Freddy, Michael and Jigsaw got nuthin’ on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(“Oh, yes…there will be blood”)
THURS. OCT. 27
#18 HOUSTON over Rice giving 27: “Wish I Had It Back” written all over this, but Owls, who’ve (“Hooooo’ve?”) covered five of last six vs. cross-town rival Coogs (including outright wins in 2008 and 2010), lost by 25 at Baylor and 25 at Texas earlier this season. Rice’s last trip to Robertson Stadium however resulted in a 73-14 pounding. Cougars are holding I-A opponents to about 22 ppg, and Rice lights the board for mid-twenties on average, meaning UH will need to probably break into the fifties to cover. Houston has ventured past the half-century mark in three of its last four matches and just missed on the other one. Barnyard Birds have yielded 50 just once (at Baylor) and have gone “under” the total (mid-to-high fifties) in 5 of 7 games, but haven’t faced this prolific an offense. If now-NCAA total offense record-holder Case Keenum stays healthy, we see little reason why Houston won’t cover this. Cougars blasted Marshall 63-28 for Homecoming and our only concern, despite a 3-0 home ATS record so far and a lot of seniors at the skill positions, is a slow start here on the short week after expending that kind of energy, especially with a defense prone to giving up big points to lower conference opponents…Houston 54Rice 26
SAT. OCT. 29
#1 LSU: IDLE (next @ Alabama)
#2 Alabama: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
#3 OKLAHOMA STATE over Baylor giving 14: OKSU 48 Bares 27
#4 Stanford over #20 USC giving 7 ½: Men of Troy getting little press despite 6-1 straight-up record (4-3 ATS). Cardinal, however, despite nothing remarkable about its slate either (though layin’ 65 on then-ranked Huskies got a few looks), has been unstoppable and a weekly liability to the ‘books. The difference between the two clubs is the average margin-of-victory. USC’s win over the Frightenin’ Irish lends some credibility, but Trojans are getting points at home for only the second time in two seasons (and second time since the beginning of 2002)…Redbirds 37 Trojans 20
#5 Boise State: IDLE (next @ UNLV)
#6 Clemson over GEORGIA TECH giving 3 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. At 7-0 against the line, Tigers are also sportsbook-bane and given that the secret is out…Tevon Washington is the weakest link for the ‘Jackets, make him throw the ball…the short spread is a bit curious. Tech turned it over six times in the past two weeks, both SU losses, including three INT by Washington. Bees have revenge angle for last year’s 27-13 defeat and Tigers traditionally are fitty-fitty propositions on the road, but Clemson has beaten three Top 25 foes, two of ‘em away. Before 2010, the previous two years were decided by 3 and 4. Did Tech burn the game film that would’ve gone to Clemson or just swap it out with the “Bee Movie”???... Tigers 31 GT 23
Washington State over #7 OREGON taking 35: Oregon cornerback Cliff Harris will grab some pine… again…for involvement in a traffic incident… AGAIN! He was caught recently driving with a suspended license and no insurance (editor’s note: that and a tat at a discount gets him a starting position with the Buckeyes this week. We’re just sayin’….) after being busted in June doin’ 118 mph with an expired license to-boot! The Mallards defender told local gendarmes he was merely trying to improve his time in the forty! QB Darron Thomas was reportedly asleep in the passenger side. Okay, Vindicator’s a light sleeper, but if we’re ridin’ shotgun in a vehicle exceedin’ the century mark, 1) we ain’t grabbin’ a power nap! and 2) there damn well better be an emergency crew wherever the car stops, with the jaws-of-life to pry Vindy’s fingers outta’ the visor and his toes outta’ the CD player/tape deck and glove-box, respectively!...Ducks 61 Wazzou 29
#8 Arkansas over VANDERBILT giving 10: Much respect to the ‘Dores and their 4-1 SU record at home under first year coach Franklin, but we think the off-week hampered Hogs on both sides of the ball in first half at Old Missed, who jumped out 17-0 before Pigs reeled-off 29 unanswered points. Arkansas shows a 14-4 TD-to-INT ratio, while Vandy’s D is very-respectable 21st nationally with 10-to-15 TD allowed-to-INT ratio (including 3 returned for scores). Admirals defend the run reasonably well too, at about 133 ypg and just 5 rushing scores-against. More of a vote for Arkansas’ offense than against Vanderbilt in general (though Commodores show total of 3 points against the two previous ranked teams they’ve played)…Razorbacks 34 Vandy 17
#9 Michigan State over #13 NEBRASKA taking 4: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Yeah, Big Dread walloped lame-duck Minnesota (as we predicted) and yeah, Sparty got some divine intervention to edge Wisconsin with the fortunate carom that turned into a 44-yard score as the clock ran out, but we’re more inspired to back State, who’s now 3-0 SU/ATS in the conference against three teams expected to contend than to support Nebraska squad still feeling its way around the new digs a bit and whose vaunted ground game goes toe-to-toe with nation’s #8 team vs. the rush (less than 89 ypg allowed). State’s 5-1 ATS overall, while Huskers are 0-3 ATS in Lincoln (though all three were double-digit lines)…MSU 24 Cornholio 23
#10 KANSAS STATE over #11 Oklahoma taking 13 ½: Spooners 34 KSU 28
OHIO STATE over #12 Wisconsin taking 7: In the preseason, this had the earmarks of maybe being for all the conference marbles, if not more. But the game has since lost some luster. The line speaks volumes to perhaps an over-rated Wisconsin squad and a Buckeyes team, which, while still slogging a bit on offense, has the D to win this outright in light of 2-1 SU record over last three games (and Nebraska was fortunate to rally). Badgers won by three touchdowns last year. Bucks had the extra week to strategize while Wisky was failing to execute in the shadow of its own goalposts enough to lose to Michigan State, yielding a safety and a blocked punt kicking from the EZ. State’s only bad loss came at Miami…Wisky 24 OSU 19
TENNESSEE over #14 South Carolina taking 3 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. And if not, Gamehens still have three wins over Georgia, Navy and Mississippi State by total of 8 points...Vols 19 Poultry 16
DUKE over #15 Virginia Tech taking 15: Hokies 24 Blue Devils 13
#16 TEXAS A&M over Missouri giving 11: A&M 34 Mizzou 20
#17 MICHIGAN over Purdue giving 13 ½: After being a non-factor in the early part of the year, Purdue lost almost all statistical categories but kept Illinois off the board until mid-4th quarter to grab its second SU win and third straight cover in last three weeks. None of the teams in question however had the kind of offense that Michigan possesses and with the extra week to stew about loss to “Little Brother”, we think Big Blue, 5-2 against the number, will crank it up to the delight of the Homecoming crowd in Ann Arbor. As an added bonus, the Wolverine band will strike up “Hail to the Victor Frankensteins”…Big Blew 38 Boilermakers 19
#19 TEXAS TECH (GASP!) over Iowa State giving 15: Red Raiders 47 Dust Devils 27
Illinois over #21 PENN STATE taking 4 ½: Lions own Big Tent-Peg’s longest ongoing SU dubya run at six (And counting? We thank fellow-prophet David Whitney for that tidbit. Check out his picks at dpdsdogs.com!). The alma mater, sitting atop the Leaders Division, also leans 6-1 to the “under”. This summer, JoePa conceded he violated an NCAA rule when, while ambling across campus, he stopped to observe a voluntary work-out then reported back to assistant coaches that a specific player “looked good”. Upon further review, Paterno couldn’t remember the name of the player-in-question and simply referred to him as “that kid in the blue jersey”…and why Coach was strolling thru the grounds at Rice in Houston at the time is still unknown! The feisty icon can become the winningest D-1 coach with a victory....PSU 17 Illinois 13
#22 Georgia over Florida giving 3 (@ Jacksonville, FL) : Joja’ 20 Gators 16
Colorado over #23 ARIZONA STATE taking 30 ½: Pitchforks 37 Bison 10
#24 Cincinnati: IDLE (next @ Pittsburgh)
RUTGERS over #25 West Virginia taking 7: Rutgers yielded rights to name its stadium to NJ-based High Point Solutions, Inc. of Sparta, which assists other Fortune 500 businesses with IT needs. They coulda’ just called it Sparta Stadium, but now its High Point Solutions Stadium. Maybe the team moniker should be Gladiators and they should hire Russell Crowe as the mascot! WVU has been an enigma from week-to-week at 3-3 ATS and just 2-6 last 8 laying points away from Morgantown. We’ve been on the Knights much of the year. We’ll stay there this week too…Mounted Ears 23 Jerseylicious! 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindicator told reporters he planned to use Twitter, Facebook and other social-networking media to implore supporters to take up the cause on his behalf at Lane Stadium in Blacksburg, Virginia, where his picks have flopped to 0-7 at the hands of the Virginia Tech Hokies!
Meanwhile, back in NYC, groups such as PETA, The Humane Society, World Wildlife Federation and ASPCA are gathering to demonstrate against the use of squid and related species as restaurant fare in an effort publicized as “Octopi Wall Street”!
During Harris’ stop, the trooper smelled marijuana. The players said they didn’t smoke it. Was Snoop Dogg in the trunk or what???!!!
Running all Halloween weekend on SyFy, a marathon about haunted running games called… “Tailbacks from the Darkside”.
For the “Rocky Horror” fans out there….Vindy’s abode is really just “some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos”.
On the big screen...Children of the Corn meets famously-bad ballplayer, Bob Uecker in “He Who Walks Behind the Front Rowwwwww”
A proposed merger of the Mountain West, Big Least and Conference USA?! Welcome to the “U.S. Mountain East Conference”? Or maybe the “Trans-America Conference” . Throw in University of Puerto Rico and University of Manitoba and call it the Big Continent! Or just get it over with by adding Cape Horn State and making it the “Magellan Conference”!!!
Unable to fork over the moolah to cover the sizable fine he incurred for previous drug and money-laundering charges, Edward Rife, the tattoo parlor owner at the center of Ohio State’s demise, now gets to spend some time in the pokey. We’re thinkin’ he could do enough body-art on the inside to raise the $10K he needs…in cigarettes!
In the “Things that make ya go ‘WTH?????!!!!’” category this week, we question the need for the Saints 62-7 annihilation of the Colts. Ain’t no style-points required in the BCS-less NFL.
The UNLV School of Medicine boasts a plastic surgeon named Dr. Zamboni! Apparently, face-offs aren’t a problem!!!!
While there are still a few innings left in the World Series, we’re boning-up on our Henry Wadsworth poetry because we heard… “Chicks dig the Longfellow!”
Takin’ a few liberties with a “Pet Sematary” quote from Fred Gwynne (previously of Herman Munster fame), we say, “Sometahms..deadball fouls ah bettah.”
“Locked in a Box?”: Illini fell outright to Purdue, leaving our lock record at 3-5 (.375)
Shoppe Talk: Hokies fall to 0-7 (.000) with Ohio State on this week’s docket again, still at 0-5 (.000). Oklahoma State continues to torment us at 1-6 (.142). Joining the fray, the Sooooeeeey Pig-Pig-Pigs of Arkansas at 1-5 (.167)
Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3-1 Season: 19-20-1 (.487)
Alabama-Birmingham +6 over MARSHALL, Wake Forest +7 over NORTH CAROLINA, MARYLAND -7 over Boston College, Memphis +28 ½ over CENTRAL FLORIDA, Western Kentucky +6 over UL-MONROE
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 9 Thursday Nighter
THURS. OCT. 27
#18 HOUSTON over Rice giving 27: “Wish I Had It Back” written all over this, but Owls, who’ve (“Hooooo’ve?”) covered five of last six vs. cross-town rival Coogs (including outright wins in 2008 and 2010), lost by 25 at Baylor and 25 at Texas earlier this season. Rice’s last trip to Robertson Stadium, however, resulted in a 73-14 pounding. Cougars are holding I-A opponents to about 22 ppg, and Rice lights the board for mid-twenties on average, meaning UH will need to probably break into the fifties to cover. Houston has ventured past the half-century mark in three of its last four matches and just missed on the other one. Barnyard Birds have yielded 50 just once (at Baylor) and have gone “under” the total (mid-to-high fifties) in 5 of 7 games, but haven’t faced this prolific an offense. If now-NCAA total offense record-holder Case Keenum stays healthy, we see little reason why Houston won’t cover this. Cougars blasted Marshall 63-28 for Homecoming and our only concern, despite a 3-0 home ATS record so far and a lot of seniors at the skill positions, is a slow start here on the short week after expending that kind of energy, especially with a defense prone to giving up big points to lower conference opponents…Houston 54 Rice 26
We'll back Thursday night with the rest of the forecast in its entirety. Don't touch that dial!
#18 HOUSTON over Rice giving 27: “Wish I Had It Back” written all over this, but Owls, who’ve (“Hooooo’ve?”) covered five of last six vs. cross-town rival Coogs (including outright wins in 2008 and 2010), lost by 25 at Baylor and 25 at Texas earlier this season. Rice’s last trip to Robertson Stadium, however, resulted in a 73-14 pounding. Cougars are holding I-A opponents to about 22 ppg, and Rice lights the board for mid-twenties on average, meaning UH will need to probably break into the fifties to cover. Houston has ventured past the half-century mark in three of its last four matches and just missed on the other one. Barnyard Birds have yielded 50 just once (at Baylor) and have gone “under” the total (mid-to-high fifties) in 5 of 7 games, but haven’t faced this prolific an offense. If now-NCAA total offense record-holder Case Keenum stays healthy, we see little reason why Houston won’t cover this. Cougars blasted Marshall 63-28 for Homecoming and our only concern, despite a 3-0 home ATS record so far and a lot of seniors at the skill positions, is a slow start here on the short week after expending that kind of energy, especially with a defense prone to giving up big points to lower conference opponents…Houston 54 Rice 26
We'll back Thursday night with the rest of the forecast in its entirety. Don't touch that dial!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 8-2011
IMPENDING “END OF DAYS” FORCES EARLY TITLE GAME
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (UPI)…Bowl officials are scrambling to print and distribute tickets as well as ensure all necessary preparations are made for this Friday’s BCS National Championship game between #1 LSU and #2 Alabama in light of Harold Camping’s revised prediction of October 21st for the Rapture. The Oakland-based man-of-the-cloth missed the mark on his original call last May. Expecting the disappearance of the faithful and subsequent consumption of those left behind by fire and earthquakes, the BCS had no choice but to schedule and play its title match earlier than the usual January timeframe. The Tide and Tigers, originally slated to meet in two weeks, were benefactors of the season’s first (and presumably only) BCS poll, published just a few days ago, and will square-off in what will effectively decide the SEC West and the conference title in addition to the national crown. Rule changes were quickly approved and enacted for the game, including protection against penalties for “too many dead-men on the field” should zombies rise up from under the hashmarks while the game is in progress.
It’s seasons like this one (6-11 last week, 52-74-1, .413 year –to-date) that make us wonder why we bother. Not sure what the Rapture holds for Vindy himself, but certain to end up as a burning hulk is…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 8 FORECAST(More flammable than the giant lint-balls in those Farmers Insurance commercials)
FRI. OCT. 21
#11 West Virginia over SYRACUSE giving 13 ½: West Virginia 31 L’Orange 14
SAT. OCT. 22
#19 Auburn over #1 LSU taking 22 ½: Bengals moving the ball better under Jarrett Lee and swept a trio of SEC East wannabes. They now target the War Eagles, to whom they lost 24-17 in 2010. We figure LSU won’t turn it over five times like the Gators did, but we like defensive-minded Auburn to stay within the generous number. Owning the top spot in the BCS Poll and having plenty of schedule strength, State won’t need style-points, they’ll just need to stay healthy for showdown with the Tide in a few weeks…LSU 24 Auburn 13
#2 ALABAMA over Tennessee giving 29: Tide 38 Vols 6
Texas Tech over #3 OKLAHOMA taking 28 ½: Oklahoma 52 Tech 27
#4 Wisconsin over #15 MICHIGAN STATE giving 8: Badgers weren’t even at full-strength on offense while pummeling Indiana. Spartans neutralized Denard Robinson for Michigan, which has little behind him, but Russell Wilson and Montee Ball will keep the Spartans guessing on defense all day. Wisky has few, if any, opportunities after this one to beat down a quality opponent for the computer rankings, so they’ll need to make this one count. State’s gone 19-7 SU in last 26 Big Ten games, but Badgers’ smallest margin-of-victory this year is 31 points… Wisconsin 27 MSU 10
Air Force over #5 BOISE STATE taking 31: Best guess for “wish I had it back” pick of the week, but we’ll revisit our logic for correct earlier-season selection of Navy plus da’ points over South Carolina…namely, nobody on the Broncos squad has faced the Air Force version of the option. And while the Flight Platoon throws the ball more than Army or Navy (which ain’t sayin’ much), they would be best off keeping the ball on the ground to grind it out and keep Kellen Moore near the Gatorade bucket as much as possible. Our concerns include the minus-six turnover ratio and USAF defense that’s given up 100 points the past two weeks. Boise has yielded total of 87 all season. We’re hopin’ the Pilots’ bye last week allowed them to regroup…Boise 44 Paper Airplanes 17
MISSOURI over #6 Oklahoma State taking 6 ½: UPSET ALERT. Given undefeated Cowpokes have just one victory by less than double-digits, we attribute the line to State’s ongoing defensive woes (though Texas went scoreless for final 11-plus minutes last week despite a nearly 2-1 ratio in TOP overall) and Mizzou’s defensive prowess. Tigers lost at Oklahoma by 10, have covered two of the three Big Twelve games on the season and probably should’ve beaten K-State. Missouri has spread wins in just three of last dozen vs. ranked teams. OKSU is nifty 11-0 as road chalk off consecutive wins, but won’t face a first-time starter at quarterback in this one… Cowboys 27 Mizzou 24
#22 Washington over #7 STANFORD taking 20 ½: Sled Dogs have quietly made their way into the rankings, obscured by accomplishments of the Cardinal and the Ducks. UDUB posting over 400 yards total offense per game and have covered 10 straight, going back to last season. Stanford, 6-0 ATS, has shown tendency to sleepwalk thru the first half (Colorado game notwithstanding) before perking up in the final 30 minutes. Huskies have lotsa’ depth and revenge for last season’s 41-0 embarrassment. Stanford silenced Wazzou’s potent attack. Only Arizona got fewer points of handicap than UDUB… Redbirds 39 Washington 24
#8 CLEMSON over North Carolina giving 10 ½: Tigers 24 Tarheels 10
COLORADO over #9 Oregon taking 32: Even minus LaMichael James, Mallards still averaged better than 7 yards per carry and just missed covering vs. ASU. Both James and starting QB Thomas could be out, but Bison are injury-depleted too. Buffs, who were not given a bye in their inaugural 12-PAC year, are 2-5 ATS, with all defeats in regulation leading to the spread losses. We’re wondering if altitude will be an issue. During the off-season, the Ducks apparently paid for old recruiting information. Cool! They can feed the data by punch-card into their Wang computers! We heard coaches are looking into some kid named Red Grange and that they’re replacing the digital scoreboard in Autzen Stadium with an abacus!...Quack Attack 44 Colorado 17
#10 Arkansas over MISSISSIPPI giving 16 ½: Arkansas 34 Old Mist 13
KANSAS over #12 Kansas State taking 11 ½: KSU 24 Jayhawks 17
#13 Nebraska over MINNESOTA giving 24 ½: We considered the Gerbils and the points for a fleeting moment, but after opening its debut season in the new conference 0-2 against the line and almost 0-2 straight-up, Big Dread needs a statement game to show some oomph and that it can be a contender in the Big Tenuous Conference. O-fers have seemingly waved the white flag, getting ripped 45-17 by less-than-impressive Purdue team before last week’s bye. Corncobs were idle last week too and are a solid bet with rest. Minny, by contrast, is not…Huskers 38 Fish-in-a-Barrel 7
#14 South Carolina: IDLE (next @ Tennessee)
#16 VIRGINIA TECH over Boston College giving 21: Like it matters which side we take here??!! Beagles are 0-5 ATS despite being somewhat competitive in their games and the linesmakers will catch up eventually, but the offense continues to stumble, averaging 19.5 ppg, factoring in 45 points in lone SU win against I-AA UMass, and just 14+ ppg without them. BC’s scoring problems date back to early last year and the stellar defense that allowed them to win their final five tilts in 2010 is no longer present as a safety net…VT 31 BC 6
#17 Texas A&M over IOWA STATE giving 20 ½: Aggies 45 ‘Clones 20
#18 Michigan: IDLE (next vs. Purdue)
#20 Georgia Tech over MIAMI taking 2 ½: Tech 23 Miami 20
Marshall over #21 HOUSTON taking 22: Coogs are undefeated in six games behind country’s best air game, but just 3-2 ATS due to a traditionally-shaky defense. Most recent meeting resulted in a 37-23 upset win by Marshall in 2007. Herd has at least shown up to play, winning three games by six or less and losing respectably to a pair of Top 25 squads (West Virginia and Virginia Tech). The offense has new faces, but nine returning starters on the stop-squad have kept Marshall in all but one game to-date and Herd has a 5-2 spread record, with three road covers. Houston slipped past Weeziana Tech and UTEP (both on the road though)…Houston 41 Marshall 24
#23 Illinois over PURDUE giving 4 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Money’s been coming in on Purdue, but seriously….what have the Boilermakers done to warrant this small of a line? They bombed a Minnesota team that has seemingly given up (as we noted above), but who hasn’t? They stayed within 5 points of the Nitwit Lions. Again we ask…who hasn’t??!! The Choo-Choos opened the season by edging Sun Belt’s Middle Tennessee, then lost at Rice. Fifth home game in seven outings for Purdue, which got smacked in Champaign last season 44-10. Granted, three of the Illini victories have been by a FG and UI just 4-10 SU in last 14 away games, but…Illini 20 Purdue 10
#24 Arizona State: IDLE (next vs. Colorado)
#25 Georgia: IDLE (next vs. Florida)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
If a player committing a penalty suddenly sheds his Earthly coil and goes to the Rapture, the flag will be picked up and time put back on the clock. Maybe Deborah Harry can play the halftime show! If the game is called because of the cataclysmic event, it’s considered “no action” and any remaining bettors will be refunded their wagers!
We’re no New Testament aficionado, but apparently Matthew 24:15-22 reads, “…Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.” Nice! We call dibs on all the game-worn jerseys that will be strewn across the gridiron after the fact!
If da’ picks go up in a blazing inferno, maybe they’ll be rescued by OJ Simpson (Oh wait…that was “Towering Inferno”!). If the flame-retardant glove don’t fit…!
On the boob tube this season…the ongoing effects of a computer malfunction that inadvertently leads to an invite for New Mexico to the Fiesta Bowl, while Oklahoma gets relegated to the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in ABC’s “Switched at BCS Berth”.
“Like a good neighhhhhhhbor….State Farm is there…with a winning ten-team parlay!”
The win over UNLV two weeks ago means it’s been 7 straight years that UNR has had the Fremont Cannon, which is now legally-recognized in several states as Reno’s common-law spouse! And in the event of a divorce or dissolution of the relationship, the replica pre-Civil War relic cannon receives half the Wolfpack team…and supervised visitation rights with the remaining players every other weekend…at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch! In fact, based on the 37-0 final score, apparently the Rebels’ only method of traversing the field was to be shot out of said-weapon.
This week, Jim Tressel will get to act in his official capacity as the Colts’ “gameday consultant”, making decisions about video-replay challenges, after completing his suspension by the NFL. To ensure he didn’t practice with the team, league officials took away his Blockbuster card, his access to NetFlix and issued a restraining order preventing him from being within 500-feet of a Red Box!
Tuesday’s GOP debate between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry got a little heated. Apparently, Perry shook Romney’s hand a bit aggressively after the event ended, then jumped off stage, celebrating the victory with his constituents, annoying his opponent, who chased down the Texas governor and the two had to be quickly separated by supporters from both sides!
BTW, sources close to Jim Schwartz said the Lions coach was actually upset because Coach Harbaugh “punked him with a joy-buzzer!”
In April, a robot with one arm and a trio of wheels, created by folks at Penn, threw out the first pitch at a Phillies-Brewers game. The ‘bot later returned to the mound to strike out the side in the 9th inning and preserve the win for the home team!
Gridiron fans rejoice! It’s that time of the season in which there will be at least one pro or college football game played every day from Thursday, October 20 thru November 12! If yer scoring at home, that’s 33 straight days!
How Hilary Duff really told hubby and NHL star Mike Comrie recently that she’s pregnant: 1) “Honey…my doctor says you ‘lit the lamp’.” 2) “Yo Mike…ya parked one between the pipes!” 3) “Dear…there’s a ‘biscuit in the basket’.” 4) She peed on his hockey stick and the blade turned blue!
“Locked in a Box?”: !*!@%$!!! Wolverines got whacked again by the Spartans to post our third straight “lock” miss and lower the tally to 3-4 (.428)
Shoppe Talk: Vindicator is now a collective 0-fer-11 picking games for Virginia Tech (0-6, .000) and Ohio State (0-5, .000). Not far behind in the misery are the Cowboys of Okie State (1-5, .167).
Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-4 Season: 18-17 (.514)
UAB +16 over Central Florida (Thurs), Rutgers +2 over LOUISVILLE (Fri), Temple -13 over BOWLING GREEN, Wake Forest -3 over DUKE, NORTHWESTERN +4 over Penn State (Oh the shame!)
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (UPI)…Bowl officials are scrambling to print and distribute tickets as well as ensure all necessary preparations are made for this Friday’s BCS National Championship game between #1 LSU and #2 Alabama in light of Harold Camping’s revised prediction of October 21st for the Rapture. The Oakland-based man-of-the-cloth missed the mark on his original call last May. Expecting the disappearance of the faithful and subsequent consumption of those left behind by fire and earthquakes, the BCS had no choice but to schedule and play its title match earlier than the usual January timeframe. The Tide and Tigers, originally slated to meet in two weeks, were benefactors of the season’s first (and presumably only) BCS poll, published just a few days ago, and will square-off in what will effectively decide the SEC West and the conference title in addition to the national crown. Rule changes were quickly approved and enacted for the game, including protection against penalties for “too many dead-men on the field” should zombies rise up from under the hashmarks while the game is in progress.
It’s seasons like this one (6-11 last week, 52-74-1, .413 year –to-date) that make us wonder why we bother. Not sure what the Rapture holds for Vindy himself, but certain to end up as a burning hulk is…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 8 FORECAST(More flammable than the giant lint-balls in those Farmers Insurance commercials)
FRI. OCT. 21
#11 West Virginia over SYRACUSE giving 13 ½: West Virginia 31 L’Orange 14
SAT. OCT. 22
#19 Auburn over #1 LSU taking 22 ½: Bengals moving the ball better under Jarrett Lee and swept a trio of SEC East wannabes. They now target the War Eagles, to whom they lost 24-17 in 2010. We figure LSU won’t turn it over five times like the Gators did, but we like defensive-minded Auburn to stay within the generous number. Owning the top spot in the BCS Poll and having plenty of schedule strength, State won’t need style-points, they’ll just need to stay healthy for showdown with the Tide in a few weeks…LSU 24 Auburn 13
#2 ALABAMA over Tennessee giving 29: Tide 38 Vols 6
Texas Tech over #3 OKLAHOMA taking 28 ½: Oklahoma 52 Tech 27
#4 Wisconsin over #15 MICHIGAN STATE giving 8: Badgers weren’t even at full-strength on offense while pummeling Indiana. Spartans neutralized Denard Robinson for Michigan, which has little behind him, but Russell Wilson and Montee Ball will keep the Spartans guessing on defense all day. Wisky has few, if any, opportunities after this one to beat down a quality opponent for the computer rankings, so they’ll need to make this one count. State’s gone 19-7 SU in last 26 Big Ten games, but Badgers’ smallest margin-of-victory this year is 31 points… Wisconsin 27 MSU 10
Air Force over #5 BOISE STATE taking 31: Best guess for “wish I had it back” pick of the week, but we’ll revisit our logic for correct earlier-season selection of Navy plus da’ points over South Carolina…namely, nobody on the Broncos squad has faced the Air Force version of the option. And while the Flight Platoon throws the ball more than Army or Navy (which ain’t sayin’ much), they would be best off keeping the ball on the ground to grind it out and keep Kellen Moore near the Gatorade bucket as much as possible. Our concerns include the minus-six turnover ratio and USAF defense that’s given up 100 points the past two weeks. Boise has yielded total of 87 all season. We’re hopin’ the Pilots’ bye last week allowed them to regroup…Boise 44 Paper Airplanes 17
MISSOURI over #6 Oklahoma State taking 6 ½: UPSET ALERT. Given undefeated Cowpokes have just one victory by less than double-digits, we attribute the line to State’s ongoing defensive woes (though Texas went scoreless for final 11-plus minutes last week despite a nearly 2-1 ratio in TOP overall) and Mizzou’s defensive prowess. Tigers lost at Oklahoma by 10, have covered two of the three Big Twelve games on the season and probably should’ve beaten K-State. Missouri has spread wins in just three of last dozen vs. ranked teams. OKSU is nifty 11-0 as road chalk off consecutive wins, but won’t face a first-time starter at quarterback in this one… Cowboys 27 Mizzou 24
#22 Washington over #7 STANFORD taking 20 ½: Sled Dogs have quietly made their way into the rankings, obscured by accomplishments of the Cardinal and the Ducks. UDUB posting over 400 yards total offense per game and have covered 10 straight, going back to last season. Stanford, 6-0 ATS, has shown tendency to sleepwalk thru the first half (Colorado game notwithstanding) before perking up in the final 30 minutes. Huskies have lotsa’ depth and revenge for last season’s 41-0 embarrassment. Stanford silenced Wazzou’s potent attack. Only Arizona got fewer points of handicap than UDUB… Redbirds 39 Washington 24
#8 CLEMSON over North Carolina giving 10 ½: Tigers 24 Tarheels 10
COLORADO over #9 Oregon taking 32: Even minus LaMichael James, Mallards still averaged better than 7 yards per carry and just missed covering vs. ASU. Both James and starting QB Thomas could be out, but Bison are injury-depleted too. Buffs, who were not given a bye in their inaugural 12-PAC year, are 2-5 ATS, with all defeats in regulation leading to the spread losses. We’re wondering if altitude will be an issue. During the off-season, the Ducks apparently paid for old recruiting information. Cool! They can feed the data by punch-card into their Wang computers! We heard coaches are looking into some kid named Red Grange and that they’re replacing the digital scoreboard in Autzen Stadium with an abacus!...Quack Attack 44 Colorado 17
#10 Arkansas over MISSISSIPPI giving 16 ½: Arkansas 34 Old Mist 13
KANSAS over #12 Kansas State taking 11 ½: KSU 24 Jayhawks 17
#13 Nebraska over MINNESOTA giving 24 ½: We considered the Gerbils and the points for a fleeting moment, but after opening its debut season in the new conference 0-2 against the line and almost 0-2 straight-up, Big Dread needs a statement game to show some oomph and that it can be a contender in the Big Tenuous Conference. O-fers have seemingly waved the white flag, getting ripped 45-17 by less-than-impressive Purdue team before last week’s bye. Corncobs were idle last week too and are a solid bet with rest. Minny, by contrast, is not…Huskers 38 Fish-in-a-Barrel 7
#14 South Carolina: IDLE (next @ Tennessee)
#16 VIRGINIA TECH over Boston College giving 21: Like it matters which side we take here??!! Beagles are 0-5 ATS despite being somewhat competitive in their games and the linesmakers will catch up eventually, but the offense continues to stumble, averaging 19.5 ppg, factoring in 45 points in lone SU win against I-AA UMass, and just 14+ ppg without them. BC’s scoring problems date back to early last year and the stellar defense that allowed them to win their final five tilts in 2010 is no longer present as a safety net…VT 31 BC 6
#17 Texas A&M over IOWA STATE giving 20 ½: Aggies 45 ‘Clones 20
#18 Michigan: IDLE (next vs. Purdue)
#20 Georgia Tech over MIAMI taking 2 ½: Tech 23 Miami 20
Marshall over #21 HOUSTON taking 22: Coogs are undefeated in six games behind country’s best air game, but just 3-2 ATS due to a traditionally-shaky defense. Most recent meeting resulted in a 37-23 upset win by Marshall in 2007. Herd has at least shown up to play, winning three games by six or less and losing respectably to a pair of Top 25 squads (West Virginia and Virginia Tech). The offense has new faces, but nine returning starters on the stop-squad have kept Marshall in all but one game to-date and Herd has a 5-2 spread record, with three road covers. Houston slipped past Weeziana Tech and UTEP (both on the road though)…Houston 41 Marshall 24
#23 Illinois over PURDUE giving 4 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Money’s been coming in on Purdue, but seriously….what have the Boilermakers done to warrant this small of a line? They bombed a Minnesota team that has seemingly given up (as we noted above), but who hasn’t? They stayed within 5 points of the Nitwit Lions. Again we ask…who hasn’t??!! The Choo-Choos opened the season by edging Sun Belt’s Middle Tennessee, then lost at Rice. Fifth home game in seven outings for Purdue, which got smacked in Champaign last season 44-10. Granted, three of the Illini victories have been by a FG and UI just 4-10 SU in last 14 away games, but…Illini 20 Purdue 10
#24 Arizona State: IDLE (next vs. Colorado)
#25 Georgia: IDLE (next vs. Florida)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
If a player committing a penalty suddenly sheds his Earthly coil and goes to the Rapture, the flag will be picked up and time put back on the clock. Maybe Deborah Harry can play the halftime show! If the game is called because of the cataclysmic event, it’s considered “no action” and any remaining bettors will be refunded their wagers!
We’re no New Testament aficionado, but apparently Matthew 24:15-22 reads, “…Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.” Nice! We call dibs on all the game-worn jerseys that will be strewn across the gridiron after the fact!
If da’ picks go up in a blazing inferno, maybe they’ll be rescued by OJ Simpson (Oh wait…that was “Towering Inferno”!). If the flame-retardant glove don’t fit…!
On the boob tube this season…the ongoing effects of a computer malfunction that inadvertently leads to an invite for New Mexico to the Fiesta Bowl, while Oklahoma gets relegated to the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in ABC’s “Switched at BCS Berth”.
“Like a good neighhhhhhhbor….State Farm is there…with a winning ten-team parlay!”
The win over UNLV two weeks ago means it’s been 7 straight years that UNR has had the Fremont Cannon, which is now legally-recognized in several states as Reno’s common-law spouse! And in the event of a divorce or dissolution of the relationship, the replica pre-Civil War relic cannon receives half the Wolfpack team…and supervised visitation rights with the remaining players every other weekend…at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch! In fact, based on the 37-0 final score, apparently the Rebels’ only method of traversing the field was to be shot out of said-weapon.
This week, Jim Tressel will get to act in his official capacity as the Colts’ “gameday consultant”, making decisions about video-replay challenges, after completing his suspension by the NFL. To ensure he didn’t practice with the team, league officials took away his Blockbuster card, his access to NetFlix and issued a restraining order preventing him from being within 500-feet of a Red Box!
Tuesday’s GOP debate between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry got a little heated. Apparently, Perry shook Romney’s hand a bit aggressively after the event ended, then jumped off stage, celebrating the victory with his constituents, annoying his opponent, who chased down the Texas governor and the two had to be quickly separated by supporters from both sides!
BTW, sources close to Jim Schwartz said the Lions coach was actually upset because Coach Harbaugh “punked him with a joy-buzzer!”
In April, a robot with one arm and a trio of wheels, created by folks at Penn, threw out the first pitch at a Phillies-Brewers game. The ‘bot later returned to the mound to strike out the side in the 9th inning and preserve the win for the home team!
Gridiron fans rejoice! It’s that time of the season in which there will be at least one pro or college football game played every day from Thursday, October 20 thru November 12! If yer scoring at home, that’s 33 straight days!
How Hilary Duff really told hubby and NHL star Mike Comrie recently that she’s pregnant: 1) “Honey…my doctor says you ‘lit the lamp’.” 2) “Yo Mike…ya parked one between the pipes!” 3) “Dear…there’s a ‘biscuit in the basket’.” 4) She peed on his hockey stick and the blade turned blue!
“Locked in a Box?”: !*!@%$!!! Wolverines got whacked again by the Spartans to post our third straight “lock” miss and lower the tally to 3-4 (.428)
Shoppe Talk: Vindicator is now a collective 0-fer-11 picking games for Virginia Tech (0-6, .000) and Ohio State (0-5, .000). Not far behind in the misery are the Cowboys of Okie State (1-5, .167).
Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-4 Season: 18-17 (.514)
UAB +16 over Central Florida (Thurs), Rutgers +2 over LOUISVILLE (Fri), Temple -13 over BOWLING GREEN, Wake Forest -3 over DUKE, NORTHWESTERN +4 over Penn State (Oh the shame!)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 7-2011
LITTLE-USED NFL RULE BOON FOR RETAILERS
WAYNE, New Jersey (AP)…Forget this year’s hottest “gotta-have-it” kiddie items, such as Monster High dolls. Retailers such as the local Toys-R-Us conglomerate, KB and FAO Schwarz recently got an unexpected windfall recently-revisited “cadence rule”. Violators on defense get penalized for mimicking offensive cadences in order to create confusion, but teams are implementing counter-measures, just in case. The strategy involves disguising the signal-calling on each offensive possession to resemble voices by everyone from John Wayne to Beavis and Butthead to Elvis to keep defenders guessing. It will likely take time to get used to the equipment as teams report problems with uncontrollable laughter by linemen, leading to false-starts during practice. Said one anonymous QB employing sound-effects of a well-known Star Wars villain, “the hardest part of the whole ‘Darth Vader’ thing is that the mask interferes with downfield vision. And it ain’t easy handlin’ snaps cleanly while brandishing a light-saber!”
It was a betting-public’s fantasy and a sportsbook’s nightmare in Week 6 as the chalk went wild, covering 15 of the 21 of the games involving ranked teams. Meanwhile, the length of Vindy’s success from Week 6 was shorter than a Venus Williams skirt! In light of our 7-13 Week Six debacle (46-63-1, 422), we’ve been practicing a silent snap count all week for use on our own homefield so the bookies can’t copy the oral tendencies and use them to disrupt…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 7 FORECAST
(Brought to you by Old Spice [trying to smell better than Vindy himself!])
SAT. OCT. 15
#1 Louisiana State over TENNESSEE giving 15 ½: Fans may remember the flag on the Vols for too many men that lost ‘em the game after Tennessee had successfully managed a goal-line stand. UT is young on offense and will be without QB Tyler Bray. We saw what LSU did to Florida’s back-up and Les Miles continues to pull out the trick-plays, even if his Aussie punter cost the Bengals four points vs. the Gators. Alternating 4th Down (Under) kicking duties this week for State…Crocodile Dundee and Hugh Jackman! No worries, Mate!...LSU 31 Rocky Top 14
#2 Alabama over MISSISSIPPI giving 25: Tide 31 Ole Missed 3
#3 Oklahoma over KANSAS giving 35: Oklahoma 54 Jaywalks 13
Indiana over #4 WISCONSIN taking 39 ½: We agonized over this pick. It’s Homecoming in Madison and the Varmints are one of the five teams from the Big Tenement Conference among the top eight nationally in scoring- defense. They were off last week and will visit currently-ranked Michigan State next. The Hosers lost by 3 in ’09, while losing by 35, 31 and 35 in the three years prior, but will remember the ungodly 83 that Wisky hung on ‘em last season. We know about penalties for excessive celebration. Can ya be flagged for excessive scoring???!!!... Badgers 54 Indiana 17
#5 Boise State over COLORADO STATE giving 32: Broncos 45 CSU 9
#22 TEXAS over #6 Oklahoma State taking 7 ½: OKSU 33 Steers 27
WASHINGTON STATE over #7 Stanford taking 21: Stanford 44 Wazzou 27
MARYLAND over #8 Clemson taking 7 ½: Clemson starting QB Tajh Boyd was hurt in win against Boston College. Including last season’s 31-7 win by the Tigers, the last six years have seen the tilts split 3-3 SU/ATS, and 4 of the 6 were decided by 4 points or less. Terps are off tough “L” to Joja’ Tech, but held their own on the ground, running for 6 yards per tote. Tigers are perfect 5-0 against the line, with four “overs”…Clemson 24 Box Turtles 21
#18 Arizona State over #9 OREGON taking 16: Another one we waffled on. Ducks struggled early off the bye and LaMichael James, obviously a key to the Mallards’ potent ground attack, was lost to injury in the Cal game, while Sun Devils benefitted from five Utah miscues. Mallards lost outright and ATS to only ranked team they’ve faced thus far. Oregon is decent, but not invincible 11-7 ATS at home, but last game in Autzen that was this close was late November of 2009 vs. Oregon State. Sun Devils are 5-2-1 in last 8 away games. If the Ducks are going to be vulnerable, now is the time. Gotta’ wonder if recruits, when they get a glimpse of all the uniform designs in Eugene, think they’ve signed up to play football or just jockey a steed in the Kentucky Derby!!!...Drakes 30 ASU 20
#10 Arkansas: IDLE (next @ Mississippi)
#11 Michigan over #23 Michigan State taking 3: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This line is either 1) an overreaction to Denard Robinson’s sloppiness that put Michigan behind big vs. Northwestern or 2) based on recent history that’s seen State as the victor three straight years in this series. Those three wins were while the Wolverines were under RichRod not Brady Hoke and Sparty’s best win this year was 10-7 over punchless Ohio State…Big Blue 38 Little Brother 27
#12 Georgia Tech over VIRGINIA giving 7 ½: Second choice for lock. Cavs have 10 starters back on defense and have played like it, especially against the run, allowing just 116 ypg, but are 0-4 against the line after dodging Idaho 21-20. Virginia’s only other wins were by 3 over Indy and a trouncing of I-AA William & Mary. (And not to give the appearance of favoritism, the Cavs have scheduled William and Kate for the 2013 opener!). ‘Jackets can be had on defense, taking an 18-point lead into the final period then hanging on against Maryland, but…Bees 34 Virginia 17
#13 West Virginia: IDLE (next @ Syracuse 10/21)
#14 Nebraska: IDLE (next @ Minnesota)
#15 South Carolina over MISSISSIPPI STATE giving 3: Gamehens turned three of Kentucky’s six-pack of turnovers into 17 points on the way to routing the Wildcats, but SC may have found itself a quarterback in Connor Shaw. Mississippi State has logged five straight spread losses, with defeats by 7 at Auburn, 14 at Joja’ and 13 to LSU, while posting three wins over nobody special (three non-BCS squads). Poultry hits the road for three consecutive weeks after a nice home-stand…Original Recipe 23 MSU 14
#16 ILLINOIS over Ohio State giving 4: Illini 20 OSU 13
#17 Kansas State over TEXAS TECH (GASP!) taking 3: Can we get a witness???!!! Vindy finally reeled in another forecast win with the Red Raiders (see our Black Shirt segment below!). ‘Cats were efficient in win over Mizzou, grabbing 24 points on just 286 total yards offense and one TO by the Tigers. Tech isn’t playing any defense. Even if ‘Cats falter, this has been nice preview of 2012 for K-State, who’s being led by a redshirt Freshman and a sophomore in the backfield, but unlike the linesmakers, we’ll bite on the Houdini act and call it…KSU 31 Guns Up 27
WAKE FOREST over #19 Virginia Tech taking 7: While not completely discounting the five turnovers and 13 yellow hankies by the Seminoles (and Tech won’t field a freshman or rusty starter at QB), we still note the Deacons now have more SU wins to-date (4) than all of last year (3) and the only defeat came in extra frames at Syracuse to open the season. Just can’t trust the Hokies, who let a two-touchdown advantage dissolve as Miami racked up over 500 yards offense in narrow loss. We’re hesitant to call the second-straight upset for The Forest (3-1 ATS), but we wouldn’t be shocked…VT 21 Wake 19
#20 Baylor over #21 TEXAS A&M taking 9 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Aggies D does ‘em in again… Bears 34 A&M 31
#24 AUBURN over Florida taking 2: Tigers 19 Florida 17
#25 Houston: IDLE (next vs. Marshall)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Bummer! Vindy was all set to make some serious bank selling audio of Justin Bieber barking signals to upcoming opponents of Tom Brady and the Patriots!
It’s only a matter of time before defensive coordinators start buying the voice equipment for their folks and the chess-matches begin, forcing teams to burn time-outs to keep up! The skill might even be added to the NFL Combine for defensive linemen and linebackers hoping to hear their names called on Draft Day. Four-two speed? Check. Hits like a brick house? Check. Vocal range to impersonate both Michael Clarke Duncan and Julia Child??!! Keeper!!!!
While on the topic of the NFL rulebook, if a player reaches into the neck of a ball-carrier’s uniform with a handful of a leafy, kale-like vegetable to bring him down, does the player get flagged for an illegal horse-collard greens tackle?
Plaxico Burress was apparently little more than a petulant child during his time in the pokey and was frequently made to “stand in the cornerback”! He also reportedly tutored other inmates in, among other studies, reading. Hmmm…”See the letters on this weapon? They spell ‘safety’, ‘semi-automatic’ and ‘full rock-n-roll’!!!”
Devoid of ranked squads for the first time in 29 seasons, Florida is now da’ Sun Belt State! (Which we suppose is better than the “Where the Sun Don’t Shine” State!).
We celebrate Columbus Day this week. How the hometown of the Buckeyes got its own national holiday and why its warranted stoppage of snail-mail delivery for a day is beyond us, but so be it….we’ll get a nice tattoo to commemorate the occasion!
Interestingly, the alma mater got some love this week as the Nitwit Lions now sit at #25 in the USA Coaches Poll.
Twice in July, Major League Baseball umpires issued three-ball walks. You should see their golf scores!
Break-up the Motor City! The Tigers are back in it against the Rangers in the ALCS, the Lions are 5-0 in the NFC North and it’s early in the NHL season, but what the hell…the Red Wings are 2-0 and tied atop the Central Division of the Western Conference!
Raiders QB Terrell Pryor is finally off suspension and is once again eligible to be part of a drive that doesn’t involve a suspended license or a questionable vehicle!
Black Shirt: We award the coveted undergarment to Texas Tech WR Alex Torres for the very late TD catch that salvaged a cover and rare forecast dubya for the Red Raiders (and one of just 7 wins for Vindicator last week).
“Wish I Had That One Back”: We’d sure like a mulligan on the UConn +19 ½ pick after noting how badly the Huskies were playing under their new coach.
“Locked in a Box?”: The Huskheads could not keep a poor Buckeyes team in check enough and drop the record to 3-3 (.500).
Shoppe Talk: We’re hiring some extra taxidermists to work some OT ‘cause it’s getting’ crowded at the Shoppe with Virginia Tech (0-5, .000), the Buckeyes (0-4, .000), West Virginia (1-4, .200), Arkansas (1-4, .200) and the Bengals of LSU (1-3, .250)!
Vindy’s Week 7 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 17-13 (.567)
RUTGERS -4 over Navy, Western Michigan -1 ½ over NORTHERN ILLINOIS, WASHINGTON -14 ½ over Colorado, Northwestern +6 over IOWA, North Texas +9 over WEEZIANA-LAFAYETTE
WAYNE, New Jersey (AP)…Forget this year’s hottest “gotta-have-it” kiddie items, such as Monster High dolls. Retailers such as the local Toys-R-Us conglomerate, KB and FAO Schwarz recently got an unexpected windfall recently-revisited “cadence rule”. Violators on defense get penalized for mimicking offensive cadences in order to create confusion, but teams are implementing counter-measures, just in case. The strategy involves disguising the signal-calling on each offensive possession to resemble voices by everyone from John Wayne to Beavis and Butthead to Elvis to keep defenders guessing. It will likely take time to get used to the equipment as teams report problems with uncontrollable laughter by linemen, leading to false-starts during practice. Said one anonymous QB employing sound-effects of a well-known Star Wars villain, “the hardest part of the whole ‘Darth Vader’ thing is that the mask interferes with downfield vision. And it ain’t easy handlin’ snaps cleanly while brandishing a light-saber!”
It was a betting-public’s fantasy and a sportsbook’s nightmare in Week 6 as the chalk went wild, covering 15 of the 21 of the games involving ranked teams. Meanwhile, the length of Vindy’s success from Week 6 was shorter than a Venus Williams skirt! In light of our 7-13 Week Six debacle (46-63-1, 422), we’ve been practicing a silent snap count all week for use on our own homefield so the bookies can’t copy the oral tendencies and use them to disrupt…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 7 FORECAST
(Brought to you by Old Spice [trying to smell better than Vindy himself!])
SAT. OCT. 15
#1 Louisiana State over TENNESSEE giving 15 ½: Fans may remember the flag on the Vols for too many men that lost ‘em the game after Tennessee had successfully managed a goal-line stand. UT is young on offense and will be without QB Tyler Bray. We saw what LSU did to Florida’s back-up and Les Miles continues to pull out the trick-plays, even if his Aussie punter cost the Bengals four points vs. the Gators. Alternating 4th Down (Under) kicking duties this week for State…Crocodile Dundee and Hugh Jackman! No worries, Mate!...LSU 31 Rocky Top 14
#2 Alabama over MISSISSIPPI giving 25: Tide 31 Ole Missed 3
#3 Oklahoma over KANSAS giving 35: Oklahoma 54 Jaywalks 13
Indiana over #4 WISCONSIN taking 39 ½: We agonized over this pick. It’s Homecoming in Madison and the Varmints are one of the five teams from the Big Tenement Conference among the top eight nationally in scoring- defense. They were off last week and will visit currently-ranked Michigan State next. The Hosers lost by 3 in ’09, while losing by 35, 31 and 35 in the three years prior, but will remember the ungodly 83 that Wisky hung on ‘em last season. We know about penalties for excessive celebration. Can ya be flagged for excessive scoring???!!!... Badgers 54 Indiana 17
#5 Boise State over COLORADO STATE giving 32: Broncos 45 CSU 9
#22 TEXAS over #6 Oklahoma State taking 7 ½: OKSU 33 Steers 27
WASHINGTON STATE over #7 Stanford taking 21: Stanford 44 Wazzou 27
MARYLAND over #8 Clemson taking 7 ½: Clemson starting QB Tajh Boyd was hurt in win against Boston College. Including last season’s 31-7 win by the Tigers, the last six years have seen the tilts split 3-3 SU/ATS, and 4 of the 6 were decided by 4 points or less. Terps are off tough “L” to Joja’ Tech, but held their own on the ground, running for 6 yards per tote. Tigers are perfect 5-0 against the line, with four “overs”…Clemson 24 Box Turtles 21
#18 Arizona State over #9 OREGON taking 16: Another one we waffled on. Ducks struggled early off the bye and LaMichael James, obviously a key to the Mallards’ potent ground attack, was lost to injury in the Cal game, while Sun Devils benefitted from five Utah miscues. Mallards lost outright and ATS to only ranked team they’ve faced thus far. Oregon is decent, but not invincible 11-7 ATS at home, but last game in Autzen that was this close was late November of 2009 vs. Oregon State. Sun Devils are 5-2-1 in last 8 away games. If the Ducks are going to be vulnerable, now is the time. Gotta’ wonder if recruits, when they get a glimpse of all the uniform designs in Eugene, think they’ve signed up to play football or just jockey a steed in the Kentucky Derby!!!...Drakes 30 ASU 20
#10 Arkansas: IDLE (next @ Mississippi)
#11 Michigan over #23 Michigan State taking 3: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This line is either 1) an overreaction to Denard Robinson’s sloppiness that put Michigan behind big vs. Northwestern or 2) based on recent history that’s seen State as the victor three straight years in this series. Those three wins were while the Wolverines were under RichRod not Brady Hoke and Sparty’s best win this year was 10-7 over punchless Ohio State…Big Blue 38 Little Brother 27
#12 Georgia Tech over VIRGINIA giving 7 ½: Second choice for lock. Cavs have 10 starters back on defense and have played like it, especially against the run, allowing just 116 ypg, but are 0-4 against the line after dodging Idaho 21-20. Virginia’s only other wins were by 3 over Indy and a trouncing of I-AA William & Mary. (And not to give the appearance of favoritism, the Cavs have scheduled William and Kate for the 2013 opener!). ‘Jackets can be had on defense, taking an 18-point lead into the final period then hanging on against Maryland, but…Bees 34 Virginia 17
#13 West Virginia: IDLE (next @ Syracuse 10/21)
#14 Nebraska: IDLE (next @ Minnesota)
#15 South Carolina over MISSISSIPPI STATE giving 3: Gamehens turned three of Kentucky’s six-pack of turnovers into 17 points on the way to routing the Wildcats, but SC may have found itself a quarterback in Connor Shaw. Mississippi State has logged five straight spread losses, with defeats by 7 at Auburn, 14 at Joja’ and 13 to LSU, while posting three wins over nobody special (three non-BCS squads). Poultry hits the road for three consecutive weeks after a nice home-stand…Original Recipe 23 MSU 14
#16 ILLINOIS over Ohio State giving 4: Illini 20 OSU 13
#17 Kansas State over TEXAS TECH (GASP!) taking 3: Can we get a witness???!!! Vindy finally reeled in another forecast win with the Red Raiders (see our Black Shirt segment below!). ‘Cats were efficient in win over Mizzou, grabbing 24 points on just 286 total yards offense and one TO by the Tigers. Tech isn’t playing any defense. Even if ‘Cats falter, this has been nice preview of 2012 for K-State, who’s being led by a redshirt Freshman and a sophomore in the backfield, but unlike the linesmakers, we’ll bite on the Houdini act and call it…KSU 31 Guns Up 27
WAKE FOREST over #19 Virginia Tech taking 7: While not completely discounting the five turnovers and 13 yellow hankies by the Seminoles (and Tech won’t field a freshman or rusty starter at QB), we still note the Deacons now have more SU wins to-date (4) than all of last year (3) and the only defeat came in extra frames at Syracuse to open the season. Just can’t trust the Hokies, who let a two-touchdown advantage dissolve as Miami racked up over 500 yards offense in narrow loss. We’re hesitant to call the second-straight upset for The Forest (3-1 ATS), but we wouldn’t be shocked…VT 21 Wake 19
#20 Baylor over #21 TEXAS A&M taking 9 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Aggies D does ‘em in again… Bears 34 A&M 31
#24 AUBURN over Florida taking 2: Tigers 19 Florida 17
#25 Houston: IDLE (next vs. Marshall)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Bummer! Vindy was all set to make some serious bank selling audio of Justin Bieber barking signals to upcoming opponents of Tom Brady and the Patriots!
It’s only a matter of time before defensive coordinators start buying the voice equipment for their folks and the chess-matches begin, forcing teams to burn time-outs to keep up! The skill might even be added to the NFL Combine for defensive linemen and linebackers hoping to hear their names called on Draft Day. Four-two speed? Check. Hits like a brick house? Check. Vocal range to impersonate both Michael Clarke Duncan and Julia Child??!! Keeper!!!!
While on the topic of the NFL rulebook, if a player reaches into the neck of a ball-carrier’s uniform with a handful of a leafy, kale-like vegetable to bring him down, does the player get flagged for an illegal horse-collard greens tackle?
Plaxico Burress was apparently little more than a petulant child during his time in the pokey and was frequently made to “stand in the cornerback”! He also reportedly tutored other inmates in, among other studies, reading. Hmmm…”See the letters on this weapon? They spell ‘safety’, ‘semi-automatic’ and ‘full rock-n-roll’!!!”
Devoid of ranked squads for the first time in 29 seasons, Florida is now da’ Sun Belt State! (Which we suppose is better than the “Where the Sun Don’t Shine” State!).
We celebrate Columbus Day this week. How the hometown of the Buckeyes got its own national holiday and why its warranted stoppage of snail-mail delivery for a day is beyond us, but so be it….we’ll get a nice tattoo to commemorate the occasion!
Interestingly, the alma mater got some love this week as the Nitwit Lions now sit at #25 in the USA Coaches Poll.
Twice in July, Major League Baseball umpires issued three-ball walks. You should see their golf scores!
Break-up the Motor City! The Tigers are back in it against the Rangers in the ALCS, the Lions are 5-0 in the NFC North and it’s early in the NHL season, but what the hell…the Red Wings are 2-0 and tied atop the Central Division of the Western Conference!
Raiders QB Terrell Pryor is finally off suspension and is once again eligible to be part of a drive that doesn’t involve a suspended license or a questionable vehicle!
Black Shirt: We award the coveted undergarment to Texas Tech WR Alex Torres for the very late TD catch that salvaged a cover and rare forecast dubya for the Red Raiders (and one of just 7 wins for Vindicator last week).
“Wish I Had That One Back”: We’d sure like a mulligan on the UConn +19 ½ pick after noting how badly the Huskies were playing under their new coach.
“Locked in a Box?”: The Huskheads could not keep a poor Buckeyes team in check enough and drop the record to 3-3 (.500).
Shoppe Talk: We’re hiring some extra taxidermists to work some OT ‘cause it’s getting’ crowded at the Shoppe with Virginia Tech (0-5, .000), the Buckeyes (0-4, .000), West Virginia (1-4, .200), Arkansas (1-4, .200) and the Bengals of LSU (1-3, .250)!
Vindy’s Week 7 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 17-13 (.567)
RUTGERS -4 over Navy, Western Michigan -1 ½ over NORTHERN ILLINOIS, WASHINGTON -14 ½ over Colorado, Northwestern +6 over IOWA, North Texas +9 over WEEZIANA-LAFAYETTE
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 6-2011
TABLOID HELPED BRING DOWN BIN LADEN
LONDON (BBC)…While the Navy SEALS received most of the acclaim for the demise of Osama Bin Laden, global intelligence sources actually credit phone-hacking by members of the now-defunct British publication News of Da’ World. The information garnered by the 168-year-old publication and namesake of a well-known Queen album of the same title included communications related to the terrorist’s sports-betting and allowed special ops units in the region to infiltrate one of its members, posing as a runner, and keep tabs on Bin Laden’s whereabouts long enough to successfully pull off the raid that killed him. Further translation of his diary pages revealed not only his declarations of Jihad on March Madness and the BCS, but also entries noting failed covers in early May by some NBA and NHL teams, as well as his plan to deliver his “next parlay card to that infidel bookie via a courier wearing a vest full of explosives!”
Somehow, amidst the canine chaos that saw the ‘dogs take 11 of 18 games last week (including six outright dog victories) following four weeks of chalk advantage, our futile forecaster finally finishes a week on the plus-side, at 10-8 (39-50-1, .438), riding a late-Saturday surge by the favorites.
We’re chasin’ stewardesses with a beverage cart on Pan Am this Saturday, while slingin’ soft drinks and copies of
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Supporting Breast Cancer Awareness all month with pink text!)
THURS. OCT. 6
#9 OREGON over California giving 24: Ducks 51 Cal 20
FRI. OCT. 7
FRESNO STATE over #5 Boise State taking 20 ½: BSU 34 FSU 20
SAT. OCT. 8
#17 Florida over #1 LSU taking 13 ½: As we feared, Gators’ running game was sufficiently-stuffed by ‘Bama. They won’t move on the ground well here either. Tigers just 2-3 SU and 1-3-1 ATS in recent Florida series, but have already beaten (and covered against) three Top 25 teams. Bengals still dismal conference home-faves, but are playing with a lot of confidence knowing the D will bail them outta’ any given mistakes. Florida QB Brantley is out…Bengals 24 Gators 14
Vanderbilt over #2 ALABAMA taking 29: ‘Bama 34 Vandy 7
#11 Texas over #3 Oklahoma taking 10: ‘Horns have won four of the previous six Red River Rivalry games, going 4-1-1 ATS. One of the two losses came in the 2010 version, 28-20. UT looks like a team on a mission following last season’s disaster, but Sooners hold the edge in experience and opposition-faced this year. Freshman David Ash would start his first game vs. Oklahoma if he gets the nod. Sooners obviously didn’t buy into that “conference sandwich” theory we were postulatin’ and hung 62 on the Cardinals of Ball State as one of the few faves that cleaned some clock in Week Five…Sooners 24 Longhorns 19
#4 Wisconsin: IDLE (next vs. Indiana)
Kansas over #6 OKLAHOMA STATE taking 32: OKSU 41 Kansas 16
Colorado over #7 STANFORD taking 29 ½: Cardinal 39 Bison 17
#8 CLEMSON over Boston College giving 21: Boston College is 0-4 ATS and 1-4 outright with only victory coming vs. I-AA Massachusetts. Eagles came into 2011 scoring an average of 16.3 points per game and , omitting the 45 they hung on the Minutemen, have averaged just 14.5 ppg. BC has gone “under” the total four times in as many tries. We wondered if Clemson would take a breather here after knocking off three straight ranked foes, but BC won 16-10 last season and its Homecoming… Tigers 31 BC 0
#15 Auburn over #10 ARKANSAS taking 10: Coach Chizik has done a nice job with very few returning starters, getting wins over two then-ranked clubs and suffering a lone defeat to now-Top Ten Clemson. War Eagle did take advantage of South Carolina offense-in-shambles and combined with the Poultry for eight turnovers. Auburn’s now covered the spread in 7 of last 8 games vs. ranked opponents, but best shot here is to pound the ball. Rush D continues to plague the Pigs, who gave up 381 yards on the ground to A&M. Tigers come in at 34th nationally in rushing offense. What’s in the tank for the Bacon after big rally to win last week…Hogs 27 Auburn 20
#12 Michigan @ NORTHWESTERN: OFF
Maryland over #13 GEORGIA TECH taking 14: While we’re disappointed in the Bees’ top-ranked ground offense allowing a 33-yard fumble return for NC State’s covering (or pushing) score with 20 seconds (20-freakin-seconds!) left, we still cashed our ticket, getting the Jackets early at 9 ½. Might be a good “over” play here with Tech going “over” in all four games and letting each opponent score at least 21. First meeting of these two since 2007’s win by Maryland 28-26 victory. Box Turtles tough to figure to-date…beating Miami, losing close game to West Virginia, then getting bounced 38-7 by Temple?!! Wasps are just 4-6-1 last 11 as favorites in Atlanta… Hive 34 Terps 24
#14 NEBRASKA over Ohio State giving 11: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Several months ago, this looked like a very troublesome game for the Pop Corn, who was seriously-embarrassed in their inaugural Big Tentacle Conference appearance by Wisconsin (though eliminating three INTs that became Badgers scores, the defeat looks much more palatable). Huskers did find some early success against Wisky back seven. Buckeyes were expected to have the full complement of players available for this one, but three players, including RB Boom Herron, have been scratched again for yet-another scandal (being over-paid or paid for work not done…[sound familiar, Oklahoma fans???!!]). Despite reasonable defensive performances, the damage has been done for State, suffering two losses and scoring 7 or less in two of last three overall. Big Dread hasn’t been impressive, just 1-3 ATS, with its only cover at Wyoming …Huskers 31 OSU 12
Connecticut over #16 WEST VIRGINIA taking 19 ½: Huskies are floundering under first-year guidance of Paul Pasqualoni, who led the Orange to uninspiring records of 4-8, 6-6 and 6-6 in his final three seasons in Syracuse. UConn’s two SU victories came vs. I-AA Fordham and Buffalo. The three losses, however (Vandy, Western Michigan and Iowa State) are by a total of 14 points. Big Least opener for the Huskies, who return most of the kids that backed their way into last season’s Fiesta Bowl beatdown by Oklahoma. Bowling Green got the brunt of Mounties’ frustration following bad loss to LSU…’Eers 27 UConn 13
#18 SOUTH CAROLINA over Kentucky giving 21: Carolina’s offense continues to be in major disarray and the Tenders need a confidence-booster. We think the visiting Mildcats, who managed the backdoor cover at LSU last week, are the ones that can provide it to ‘em. Scary layin’ the lumber with the Phightin’ Pheasants, especially since they’re just 2 of 11 giving points when lookin’ for payback. KY beat the Poultry 31-28 last season, but has yielded 107 total points over its past three tilts to-date, while points-scored has dwindled weekly from 27 down to 7. The experience on the Kentucky offensive line ain’t workin’ out…Cornish Hens 34 KY 9
INDIANA over #19 Illinois taking 14 ½: This got “lock” consideration. Illini may be the most-overrated 5-0 team in the country, showing three recent victories by a total of nine points and rallying to take all three…at home! Hosers are under new management and come off 16-10 loss to Penn State. Indy’s four defeats were by total of 19 points, but the losses were to Ball State, Virginia and (GASP!) North Texas! Just can’t lay this many on the road with UI squad walkin’ the tight-rope week-in and week-out…Illini 20 Indy 13
Missouri over #20 KANSAS STATE giving 3: This one also got a long look for “lock”. Wildcats mustered surprising wins over short-handed Miami and Baylor (on the strength of late Bears interception), but apparently the linesmaker ain’t havin’ any of the smoke and mirrors, installing K-State as a home dog this week. Tigers have owned this series, winning by double-digits in each of the past 5 seasons. ‘Cats’ other pair of wins were against Eastern Kentucky (by 3) and Kent State (37-0). Mizzou is already 2-0 ATS on the road this year and excels ATS when winning outright away from home…Mizzou 34 KSU 21
#21 VIRGINIA TECH over Miami giving 7 ½: VT 20 ‘Canes 10
UTAH over #22 Arizona State taking 3: Utes 17 Sun Devils 16
WAKE FOREST over #23 Florida State taking 13: ‘Noles 27 Deacons 19
TEXAS TECH (GASP!) over #24 Texas A&M taking 8 1/2: Vindy on current 3-18-1 (.142) forecast skid picking games involving the Red Raiders…and Tech is sniffin’ around the bottom of the rankings, searching for a way in. Also, while they won’t go against the official Tech tally, we were on the wrong side of “Guns Up” as best bets in back-to-back weeks already this year! (Tech installed the “pistol” offense this season and that shoulda’ been our first clue to not pick ‘em against Reno!). Reeling Aggies have suffered consecutive second-half meltdowns that squandered halftime leads of 17- and 18-points, respectively, in defeats to Oklahoma State and Arkansas. Looks like another track-meet, as Tech allowed 34 each to UNR and Kansas…Aggies 42 Tech 38
#25 BAYLOR over Iowa State giving 16: Baylor 44 ISU 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
We here at Vindy’s Picks just want to doff our helmets to maybe the best 1-3 team in the nation…Utah State for nearly beating Auburn, Colorado State and BYU!
After opening 0-2, the Frightenin’ Irish have posted straight three wins. Insiders say Notre Dame has thrown in the towel on Catholicism, instead adopting the pantheon of ancient Greece and is planning to replace the Touchdown Jesus with something a bit more intimidating, like…Touchdown Zeus or Touchdown Poseidon. Coaches have also scrapped the “Hail Mary” in favor of the “Hail Aphrodite”!
Notable trends to-date for unranked teams: Arkansas State 4-0 “under”, Iowa 4-0“over”, Marshall 4-1 ATS, MTSU 4-0 “over”, New Mexico 4-1 “over”, Ohio State 4-1“under”, Penn State 4-0 “under”, TCU 4-0 “over”, Temple 4-0 “under”, UCLA 1-4 ATS, UTEP 4-0 ATS, Virginia 0-4 ATS, Washington 4-0 ATS.
With the UNLV-UNR match this weekend, we mention the May approval by the Nevada Assembly of SB 441, allowing DMV to set up kiosks and terminals in private businesses for drivers to conduct DMV transactions online, with service fees going to the hosting businesses. Nice. Go to the sportsbook and get your license and registration renewed for a mere 10% vigorish! (Sorry…no parlays on those two items!).
Former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach has been noted as a possibility at a couple schools including New Mexico. The “Leftovers” column in the LVRJ suggests Leach, a pirate lore aficionado, would show up on the sidelines with an eye-patch and a parrot. Given Lobos recent win-loss history, we think Leach might simply teach alumni to say “Arrrrrrggghhh!” Maybe he could recruit Captain Jack Sparrow at quarterback.
Back in March, Cowboys wideout Dez Bryant got the boot from a Dallas mall after failing to comply with repeated requests to pull up his drooping pants. No truth to the rumor that the security guards-in-question threatened the precocious pass-catcher with an atomic wedgie!
Ex-Olympic Softballer Jennie Finch and hubby Casey Daigle (himself a former hurler in the Bigs), this year, welcomed second-son, Diesel Dean Daigle, into the world. Much ado was made about da’ pressure on first-born male son, Ace Shane Diesel, to be a pitcher but frankly, he coulda’ easily been tagged as an assassin, pet detective or…professional poker player!
Andy Rooney recently stepped away from his spot on “60 Minutes”. Vindy’s spies in State College, PA say the loveable 92-year-old curmudgeon has been named as head coach-in-waiting to replace Joe Paterno!
With hockey season starting Thursday, several local casinos have installed a trapezoid behind the sportsbook counter, so the ticket-writers can’t play a wager from either end of the counter without incurring a penalty!
Black Shirt: The obsidian tee goes to Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez for three interceptions that Wisky turned into touchdowns for one of our few correct chalk selections!
“Locked in a Box?”: The Bees fell a lone point short of covering at NC State and drop the lock record to 3-2 (.600).
Shoppe Talk: Hokies managed all of a single FG in outright loss to Clemson to go 0-4 (.000).
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-4 Season: 14-11 (.560)
RUTGERS +6 ½ over Pitt, Temple -9 ½ over BALL STATE, Air Force +16 over NOTRE DAME, Syracuse -10 over TULANE, Weeziana Tech -3 ½ over IDAHO
BTW, Vindicator slid head-first into the sportsbook, leaving his wallet on the ground, apparently giving himself up…but the bookie, playing to the whistle, scooped up the wallet and continued to put Vin’s money toward more wagers!
LONDON (BBC)…While the Navy SEALS received most of the acclaim for the demise of Osama Bin Laden, global intelligence sources actually credit phone-hacking by members of the now-defunct British publication News of Da’ World. The information garnered by the 168-year-old publication and namesake of a well-known Queen album of the same title included communications related to the terrorist’s sports-betting and allowed special ops units in the region to infiltrate one of its members, posing as a runner, and keep tabs on Bin Laden’s whereabouts long enough to successfully pull off the raid that killed him. Further translation of his diary pages revealed not only his declarations of Jihad on March Madness and the BCS, but also entries noting failed covers in early May by some NBA and NHL teams, as well as his plan to deliver his “next parlay card to that infidel bookie via a courier wearing a vest full of explosives!”
Somehow, amidst the canine chaos that saw the ‘dogs take 11 of 18 games last week (including six outright dog victories) following four weeks of chalk advantage, our futile forecaster finally finishes a week on the plus-side, at 10-8 (39-50-1, .438), riding a late-Saturday surge by the favorites.
We’re chasin’ stewardesses with a beverage cart on Pan Am this Saturday, while slingin’ soft drinks and copies of
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Supporting Breast Cancer Awareness all month with pink text!)
THURS. OCT. 6
#9 OREGON over California giving 24: Ducks 51 Cal 20
FRI. OCT. 7
FRESNO STATE over #5 Boise State taking 20 ½: BSU 34 FSU 20
SAT. OCT. 8
#17 Florida over #1 LSU taking 13 ½: As we feared, Gators’ running game was sufficiently-stuffed by ‘Bama. They won’t move on the ground well here either. Tigers just 2-3 SU and 1-3-1 ATS in recent Florida series, but have already beaten (and covered against) three Top 25 teams. Bengals still dismal conference home-faves, but are playing with a lot of confidence knowing the D will bail them outta’ any given mistakes. Florida QB Brantley is out…Bengals 24 Gators 14
Vanderbilt over #2 ALABAMA taking 29: ‘Bama 34 Vandy 7
#11 Texas over #3 Oklahoma taking 10: ‘Horns have won four of the previous six Red River Rivalry games, going 4-1-1 ATS. One of the two losses came in the 2010 version, 28-20. UT looks like a team on a mission following last season’s disaster, but Sooners hold the edge in experience and opposition-faced this year. Freshman David Ash would start his first game vs. Oklahoma if he gets the nod. Sooners obviously didn’t buy into that “conference sandwich” theory we were postulatin’ and hung 62 on the Cardinals of Ball State as one of the few faves that cleaned some clock in Week Five…Sooners 24 Longhorns 19
#4 Wisconsin: IDLE (next vs. Indiana)
Kansas over #6 OKLAHOMA STATE taking 32: OKSU 41 Kansas 16
Colorado over #7 STANFORD taking 29 ½: Cardinal 39 Bison 17
#8 CLEMSON over Boston College giving 21: Boston College is 0-4 ATS and 1-4 outright with only victory coming vs. I-AA Massachusetts. Eagles came into 2011 scoring an average of 16.3 points per game and , omitting the 45 they hung on the Minutemen, have averaged just 14.5 ppg. BC has gone “under” the total four times in as many tries. We wondered if Clemson would take a breather here after knocking off three straight ranked foes, but BC won 16-10 last season and its Homecoming… Tigers 31 BC 0
#15 Auburn over #10 ARKANSAS taking 10: Coach Chizik has done a nice job with very few returning starters, getting wins over two then-ranked clubs and suffering a lone defeat to now-Top Ten Clemson. War Eagle did take advantage of South Carolina offense-in-shambles and combined with the Poultry for eight turnovers. Auburn’s now covered the spread in 7 of last 8 games vs. ranked opponents, but best shot here is to pound the ball. Rush D continues to plague the Pigs, who gave up 381 yards on the ground to A&M. Tigers come in at 34th nationally in rushing offense. What’s in the tank for the Bacon after big rally to win last week…Hogs 27 Auburn 20
#12 Michigan @ NORTHWESTERN: OFF
Maryland over #13 GEORGIA TECH taking 14: While we’re disappointed in the Bees’ top-ranked ground offense allowing a 33-yard fumble return for NC State’s covering (or pushing) score with 20 seconds (20-freakin-seconds!) left, we still cashed our ticket, getting the Jackets early at 9 ½. Might be a good “over” play here with Tech going “over” in all four games and letting each opponent score at least 21. First meeting of these two since 2007’s win by Maryland 28-26 victory. Box Turtles tough to figure to-date…beating Miami, losing close game to West Virginia, then getting bounced 38-7 by Temple?!! Wasps are just 4-6-1 last 11 as favorites in Atlanta… Hive 34 Terps 24
#14 NEBRASKA over Ohio State giving 11: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Several months ago, this looked like a very troublesome game for the Pop Corn, who was seriously-embarrassed in their inaugural Big Tentacle Conference appearance by Wisconsin (though eliminating three INTs that became Badgers scores, the defeat looks much more palatable). Huskers did find some early success against Wisky back seven. Buckeyes were expected to have the full complement of players available for this one, but three players, including RB Boom Herron, have been scratched again for yet-another scandal (being over-paid or paid for work not done…[sound familiar, Oklahoma fans???!!]). Despite reasonable defensive performances, the damage has been done for State, suffering two losses and scoring 7 or less in two of last three overall. Big Dread hasn’t been impressive, just 1-3 ATS, with its only cover at Wyoming …Huskers 31 OSU 12
Connecticut over #16 WEST VIRGINIA taking 19 ½: Huskies are floundering under first-year guidance of Paul Pasqualoni, who led the Orange to uninspiring records of 4-8, 6-6 and 6-6 in his final three seasons in Syracuse. UConn’s two SU victories came vs. I-AA Fordham and Buffalo. The three losses, however (Vandy, Western Michigan and Iowa State) are by a total of 14 points. Big Least opener for the Huskies, who return most of the kids that backed their way into last season’s Fiesta Bowl beatdown by Oklahoma. Bowling Green got the brunt of Mounties’ frustration following bad loss to LSU…’Eers 27 UConn 13
#18 SOUTH CAROLINA over Kentucky giving 21: Carolina’s offense continues to be in major disarray and the Tenders need a confidence-booster. We think the visiting Mildcats, who managed the backdoor cover at LSU last week, are the ones that can provide it to ‘em. Scary layin’ the lumber with the Phightin’ Pheasants, especially since they’re just 2 of 11 giving points when lookin’ for payback. KY beat the Poultry 31-28 last season, but has yielded 107 total points over its past three tilts to-date, while points-scored has dwindled weekly from 27 down to 7. The experience on the Kentucky offensive line ain’t workin’ out…Cornish Hens 34 KY 9
INDIANA over #19 Illinois taking 14 ½: This got “lock” consideration. Illini may be the most-overrated 5-0 team in the country, showing three recent victories by a total of nine points and rallying to take all three…at home! Hosers are under new management and come off 16-10 loss to Penn State. Indy’s four defeats were by total of 19 points, but the losses were to Ball State, Virginia and (GASP!) North Texas! Just can’t lay this many on the road with UI squad walkin’ the tight-rope week-in and week-out…Illini 20 Indy 13
Missouri over #20 KANSAS STATE giving 3: This one also got a long look for “lock”. Wildcats mustered surprising wins over short-handed Miami and Baylor (on the strength of late Bears interception), but apparently the linesmaker ain’t havin’ any of the smoke and mirrors, installing K-State as a home dog this week. Tigers have owned this series, winning by double-digits in each of the past 5 seasons. ‘Cats’ other pair of wins were against Eastern Kentucky (by 3) and Kent State (37-0). Mizzou is already 2-0 ATS on the road this year and excels ATS when winning outright away from home…Mizzou 34 KSU 21
#21 VIRGINIA TECH over Miami giving 7 ½: VT 20 ‘Canes 10
UTAH over #22 Arizona State taking 3: Utes 17 Sun Devils 16
WAKE FOREST over #23 Florida State taking 13: ‘Noles 27 Deacons 19
TEXAS TECH (GASP!) over #24 Texas A&M taking 8 1/2: Vindy on current 3-18-1 (.142) forecast skid picking games involving the Red Raiders…and Tech is sniffin’ around the bottom of the rankings, searching for a way in. Also, while they won’t go against the official Tech tally, we were on the wrong side of “Guns Up” as best bets in back-to-back weeks already this year! (Tech installed the “pistol” offense this season and that shoulda’ been our first clue to not pick ‘em against Reno!). Reeling Aggies have suffered consecutive second-half meltdowns that squandered halftime leads of 17- and 18-points, respectively, in defeats to Oklahoma State and Arkansas. Looks like another track-meet, as Tech allowed 34 each to UNR and Kansas…Aggies 42 Tech 38
#25 BAYLOR over Iowa State giving 16: Baylor 44 ISU 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
We here at Vindy’s Picks just want to doff our helmets to maybe the best 1-3 team in the nation…Utah State for nearly beating Auburn, Colorado State and BYU!
After opening 0-2, the Frightenin’ Irish have posted straight three wins. Insiders say Notre Dame has thrown in the towel on Catholicism, instead adopting the pantheon of ancient Greece and is planning to replace the Touchdown Jesus with something a bit more intimidating, like…Touchdown Zeus or Touchdown Poseidon. Coaches have also scrapped the “Hail Mary” in favor of the “Hail Aphrodite”!
Notable trends to-date for unranked teams: Arkansas State 4-0 “under”, Iowa 4-0“over”, Marshall 4-1 ATS, MTSU 4-0 “over”, New Mexico 4-1 “over”, Ohio State 4-1“under”, Penn State 4-0 “under”, TCU 4-0 “over”, Temple 4-0 “under”, UCLA 1-4 ATS, UTEP 4-0 ATS, Virginia 0-4 ATS, Washington 4-0 ATS.
With the UNLV-UNR match this weekend, we mention the May approval by the Nevada Assembly of SB 441, allowing DMV to set up kiosks and terminals in private businesses for drivers to conduct DMV transactions online, with service fees going to the hosting businesses. Nice. Go to the sportsbook and get your license and registration renewed for a mere 10% vigorish! (Sorry…no parlays on those two items!).
Former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach has been noted as a possibility at a couple schools including New Mexico. The “Leftovers” column in the LVRJ suggests Leach, a pirate lore aficionado, would show up on the sidelines with an eye-patch and a parrot. Given Lobos recent win-loss history, we think Leach might simply teach alumni to say “Arrrrrrggghhh!” Maybe he could recruit Captain Jack Sparrow at quarterback.
Back in March, Cowboys wideout Dez Bryant got the boot from a Dallas mall after failing to comply with repeated requests to pull up his drooping pants. No truth to the rumor that the security guards-in-question threatened the precocious pass-catcher with an atomic wedgie!
Ex-Olympic Softballer Jennie Finch and hubby Casey Daigle (himself a former hurler in the Bigs), this year, welcomed second-son, Diesel Dean Daigle, into the world. Much ado was made about da’ pressure on first-born male son, Ace Shane Diesel, to be a pitcher but frankly, he coulda’ easily been tagged as an assassin, pet detective or…professional poker player!
Andy Rooney recently stepped away from his spot on “60 Minutes”. Vindy’s spies in State College, PA say the loveable 92-year-old curmudgeon has been named as head coach-in-waiting to replace Joe Paterno!
With hockey season starting Thursday, several local casinos have installed a trapezoid behind the sportsbook counter, so the ticket-writers can’t play a wager from either end of the counter without incurring a penalty!
Black Shirt: The obsidian tee goes to Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez for three interceptions that Wisky turned into touchdowns for one of our few correct chalk selections!
“Locked in a Box?”: The Bees fell a lone point short of covering at NC State and drop the lock record to 3-2 (.600).
Shoppe Talk: Hokies managed all of a single FG in outright loss to Clemson to go 0-4 (.000).
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-4 Season: 14-11 (.560)
RUTGERS +6 ½ over Pitt, Temple -9 ½ over BALL STATE, Air Force +16 over NOTRE DAME, Syracuse -10 over TULANE, Weeziana Tech -3 ½ over IDAHO
BTW, Vindicator slid head-first into the sportsbook, leaving his wallet on the ground, apparently giving himself up…but the bookie, playing to the whistle, scooped up the wallet and continued to put Vin’s money toward more wagers!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 5-2011
FORECASTER QUESTIONED IN AIRPLANE GRAFFITI CRIMES
LOS ANGELES, California (UPI)…Extradited from Sin City to the City of Angels, the Vegas Vindicator withstood hours of interrogation from LAPD’s finest and…in a move being reviewed by the ACLU…the “Knights Who Sayyyyyyy…’Nee!’”…and gave them nothing (Nothing, we say!), categorically-denying any involvement in the recent airplane-graffiti crimes, in which someone has been chemically-etching symbols, originally-thought to be Arabic in nature, on the bottoms of Southwest Airlines passenger jets with a solution that reveals itself only after the craft’s body heats up during the normal course of flight or taxiing down the runway in preparation for take-off. Akin to the magic trick in which lemon-juice writing appears on a paper-surface when a match or other source of open-flame is waved behind the document, the warmed chemicals illuminated the words “Vindy’s Picks”, followed by one of the famed forecaster’s Week Four game-predictions. The odorous oracle publicly-thanked the perpetrator of the vessel-defiling for the shameless plug, but refuted he was actually responsible for the acts of vandalism or “tagging”. Presented with DNA evidence from remnants of his clothing found at the scene by CSI: Los Angeles, Vindy admitted he likes to lie on the ground at night near the gates of various LAX concourses, with lighted batons strapped to his arms and legs, and do “snow angels” to catch the attention of aircraft passing overhead, then slip into the cargo-holds of newly-arrived planes, to be transported with the rest of the luggage to the baggage-claim area on the conveyor-belt, and “ride the carousel”.
A six-ton, city bus-size satellite crashed to Earth last week. The location was initially unknown...to everyone except fans at Sam Boyd Stadium, who watched that sucker plummet right smack into the Rebels’ playbook at halftime of the Southern Utah game. We apparently caught some of the shrapnel, finishing 7-10 (29-42-1, .414). For every loss this Thursday and Saturday, we vow to use glow-in-the-dark paint to inscribe profanities, in English, on the seedy underbelly of…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 5 FORECAST
Studying hard to pass the Coors Light bar exam!)
THURS. SEPT. 29
#16 South Florida over PITT giving 2: Money’s streaming in on USF after opening as 1-point fave in Big Least opener for both sides. Multiple spread-trends put Bulls in the driver’s seat here vs. Panthers, who went bowlin’ after 2010 season, but have just mustered wins over I-AA teams and lost to desperate and sloppy Irish squad, 15-12, last week. South Florida, pathetically, looks like the club to beat in the conference in 2011. Temple might be the squad with the best post-season prognosis in the Keystone State…USF 24 Pitt 13
SAT. OCT. 1
#1 LSU over Kentucky giving 29 ½: Bengals 42 KY 7
Ball State over #2 OKLAHOMA taking 37: Two words…”conference sandwich”. Cardinals catch Sooners between a pair of Big 12 games….Mizzou last week, and Red River rivalry game vs. Texas on-deck. Ball State was just 6-18 straight-up entering this season, but is 2-1 SU thus far, upsetting both Indiana and Army (around a spanking by South Florida), utilizing a reasonably-balanced offense, and shows a 14-6 road dog record over the past 4+ years. Okies have beaten the line in Norman in 20 of last 26, but…OK 42 Ball State 17
#3 Alabama over #12 FLORIDA giving 4: Florida is rockin’ 11-1-1 ATS getting points in SEC match-ups, but we watched ‘Bama demoralize Arkansas on defense and special teams despite a sluggish offense, including one very staunch goal-line stand by the Pigs. Hogs’ O had some success against Tide with underneath crossing routes, but ‘Bama defenders delivered some brutal “de-cleaters” vs. Razorbacks’ ball-carriers. Gators posted 405 rushing yards vs. Kentucky, but ‘Bama limited Arkansas to 17 yards on 19 carries and Nick Saban went all Les Miles with an early fake FG for a score. Gotta’ lay the small line here. Crocs walloped Bruce Banner last weekend. This week, they get The Hulk!...”Don’t Make Me Angry..You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry 27 Florida 17
Nevada-Reno over #4 BOISE STATE taking 27: No faith in this pick. Two concepts to consider. 1) Broncos QB Kellen Moore is illin’ and not playing at 100% (went less than three quarters in spread-loss vs. Tulsa) and 2) Reno handed Boise its only outright defeat of last season. In addition, we question Wolfpack’s mindframe after yielding two-touchdown, 3rd Quarter advantage to Texas Tech, on the road, to lose on Red Raiders scoring pass with just over half-a-minute to play. Broncos are coin-toss worthy ATS at home. Fourth consecutive away tilt for Reno, who scraped by San Josie 17-14. The NCAA has put the kibosh on Boise wearin’ the Smurfilicious unis at home on the blue turf, but we don’t see why UNR couldn’t turn the tables and bust out their own azure duds. Could be nice “over” play… Tater-Heads 44 Reno 24
#5 Oklahoma State: IDLE (next vs. Kansas)
#6 STANFORD over Ucla giving 20: Stanford 38 UCLA 10
#7 WISCONSIN over #8 Nebraska giving 9: Huskers have historically-solid SU and ATS record against Big Tenuous teams, but most-recently squared-off against said conference in 2005 post-season. Madison is a tough place to open a new club membership. Not sold on QB Taylor Martinez and Big Dread team that didn’t pull away from Wyoming until the second-half…Badgers 33 Nebraska 20
#9 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Cal 10/6)
Auburn over #10 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 10: Fightin’ Squab 30 Tigers 24
#11 VIRGINIA TECH over #13 Clemson giving 7: Tigers got by furious late rally by Seminoles, who drew a dozen penalty flags to fall short. First meeting since Tech’s 41-23 win in 2007. Hokies, giving up 15 fewer points-per-game than Clemson and 13-4 ATS in ACC play, won’t be able to take a knee at the end of the 3rd Quarter this Saturday as they have done previously in wins over the non-conference buffet…VT 21 Tigers 13
#14 Texas A&M over #18 Arkansas giving 2 ½: As previously-noted, Arkansas deserved a better fate vs. Alabama. Aggies coughed it up four times in the final 30 minutes to waste a 17-point halftime lead and fall to Oklahoma State. A&M will have to guard vs. Hogs’ kick-return unit. The game is being hosted by Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. However, due to a snafu over temporary seating , many ticket-holders will actually be relocated and forced to watch the game from chairs elsewhere in Arlington!...A&M 34 Arkansas 29
#15 Baylor over KANSAS STATE giving 3 ½: Bears 37 Wildcats 27
#17 Texas over IOWA STATE giving 9 ½: Steers 28 Dust Devils 17
#19 MICHIGAN over Minnesota giving 20: What started as a promising season under new coach Jerry Kill, with a near-upset of then-ranked Southern Cal, came crashing down with a defeat to New Mexico State, an unconvincing 29-23 victory over Miami-Ohio and last week’s outright loss to I-AA North Dakota State…again! We would normally attribute the downfall to the distractions of Coach Kill’s health problems, which have seen him hospitalized with seizures, but the 0-fers have perennially been a welcome site for FCS teams in recent years. Gerbils lost to the Bison in their 2007 meeting, edged South Dakota State 16-13 in 2009 and were beaten by South Dakota last year (Are you listening, UNLV???). Wolverines need to seriously-improve on 4-20 spread tally vs. fellow Big Tender Foot teams, but are off to nice 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS jump on 2011 behind Denard Robinson. Gerbils are 6-1 taking double-digits against opponents over .500 and have covered 5 of last 6 facing Top 25, but only four BCS conference teams score fewer ppg than they do…Michigan 42 Minne-so-when-does-basketball-season-start? 17
Southern Methodist over #20 TCU taking 11 ½: TCU 34 SMU 31
#21 Georgia Tech over NC STATE giving 11 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Yellowjackets have covered 11 of last 15 vs. the Wolfpack, but got their stingers handed to ‘em in last season’s 45-28 loss. NC State is clearly floundering without QB Russell Wilson, who’s doing good things for the Badgers and can claim only a pair of SU wins over FCS opponents, having given up 34 at Wake Forest and 44 in bad loss at Cincinnati. State yielded better than 5 ypc to the Bearkats. Again, we note Tech’s nation-leading rushing game at 7 ypc, which effectively stifled North Carolina for three quarters last week….Wreck 44 NCSU 16
Bowling Green over #22 WEST VIRGINIA taking 20 ½: Mounties 35 Bee Gees 20
#23 Florida State: IDLE (next @ Wake Forest)
Northwestern over #24 ILLINOIS taking 8 ½: Illini 17 NW 12
Oregon State over #25 ARIZONA STATE taking 18: The presence of senior wide-out James Rodgers for the first time this year did not help the Beavers, who were “upset” (?) by UCLA last week, yet, we’re not ready to lay this many with the Pitchforks, who look for revenge over 2010’s 31-28 loss to State, but who have bounced in-and-out of the rankings and did so this week behind four turnovers by the Trojans…and must travel to Utah next….ASU 19 OSU 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, your nimble narrator once nearly got picked-up and carried-off by an intoxicated female traveller, who left the Weber Kid to his own devices after noting the luggage-tag, illicitly-acquired and prominently- sported by the Vindicator in an effort to blend-in with the rest of the suitcases, had the wrong address written on it!
On a Spring vacation back East, Vin was pulled for one of those “random”, expanded security searches and was disappointed when the TSA agent-in-question was caught fondling Vindy’s Picks! During that same trip, Vindy kept watch on the flight-status board for arrivals and departures. While Vin never did determine if his plane would come in or leave as scheduled, he was able to follow pick-by-pick NFL Draft selections!
And while we’re on the topic, referees have been stuffing penalty markers into each piece of luggage because at Southwest Airlines “flags fly free”!
FCS Strikes Again!: #28 Southern Utah 41 UNLV 16 (Guess which Mountain Jest squad just became a favored homecoming opponent for a boatload of AA teams???!!), #26 Sam Houston State 48 New Mexico 45 OT (Goodbye, Mike Locksley) and the aforementioned #12North Dakota State 37 Gilded Gerbils 24 (Go Bison!!!)
In August, a 22-year-old woman in Alaska, hoping to save her pooch from becoming take-out food, punched a black bear in da’ nose. This is a woman we would gladly have as part of the now-reduced wedge in front of our kick-returners!
As the Major League playoffs approach, the Yankees and Red Sox continue to get heat for playing games vs. each other at a snail’s pace. Maybe somebody should tell the respective stadium announcers that blasting the theme-song from “Chariots of Fire” over the PA system to start each inning has gotta’ go!
The top scoring-defense after four weeks of college gridiron contests? ‘Bama? Nope. Wisconsin? Uh-uh. LSU??!! Not even close! Allowing a paltry 7.8 ppg…..the Owls of Temple!!!!!!!!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Yep, we knew we shoulda’ taken Baylor over Rice!
“Locked in a Box?”: The mighty Gators hammered Kentucky to move our lock tally to 3-1 (.750)
Shoppe Talk: We’ll be servin’ fricasseed Hokies in the Shoppe Café this week with Virginia Tech at 0-3 (.000). And joining our circus as well, the Elephants of the Crimson Tide (1-3, .250, with three straight forecast losses).
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 12-7 (.632)
Utah State +7 ½ over BYU, Rutgers +3 over SYRACUSE, OHIO -16 ½ over Kent State, Northern Illinois -9 over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, KANSAS +6 ½ over Texas Tech, EAST CAROLINA +6 ½ over North Carolina
LOS ANGELES, California (UPI)…Extradited from Sin City to the City of Angels, the Vegas Vindicator withstood hours of interrogation from LAPD’s finest and…in a move being reviewed by the ACLU…the “Knights Who Sayyyyyyy…’Nee!’”…and gave them nothing (Nothing, we say!), categorically-denying any involvement in the recent airplane-graffiti crimes, in which someone has been chemically-etching symbols, originally-thought to be Arabic in nature, on the bottoms of Southwest Airlines passenger jets with a solution that reveals itself only after the craft’s body heats up during the normal course of flight or taxiing down the runway in preparation for take-off. Akin to the magic trick in which lemon-juice writing appears on a paper-surface when a match or other source of open-flame is waved behind the document, the warmed chemicals illuminated the words “Vindy’s Picks”, followed by one of the famed forecaster’s Week Four game-predictions. The odorous oracle publicly-thanked the perpetrator of the vessel-defiling for the shameless plug, but refuted he was actually responsible for the acts of vandalism or “tagging”. Presented with DNA evidence from remnants of his clothing found at the scene by CSI: Los Angeles, Vindy admitted he likes to lie on the ground at night near the gates of various LAX concourses, with lighted batons strapped to his arms and legs, and do “snow angels” to catch the attention of aircraft passing overhead, then slip into the cargo-holds of newly-arrived planes, to be transported with the rest of the luggage to the baggage-claim area on the conveyor-belt, and “ride the carousel”.
A six-ton, city bus-size satellite crashed to Earth last week. The location was initially unknown...to everyone except fans at Sam Boyd Stadium, who watched that sucker plummet right smack into the Rebels’ playbook at halftime of the Southern Utah game. We apparently caught some of the shrapnel, finishing 7-10 (29-42-1, .414). For every loss this Thursday and Saturday, we vow to use glow-in-the-dark paint to inscribe profanities, in English, on the seedy underbelly of…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 5 FORECAST
Studying hard to pass the Coors Light bar exam!)
THURS. SEPT. 29
#16 South Florida over PITT giving 2: Money’s streaming in on USF after opening as 1-point fave in Big Least opener for both sides. Multiple spread-trends put Bulls in the driver’s seat here vs. Panthers, who went bowlin’ after 2010 season, but have just mustered wins over I-AA teams and lost to desperate and sloppy Irish squad, 15-12, last week. South Florida, pathetically, looks like the club to beat in the conference in 2011. Temple might be the squad with the best post-season prognosis in the Keystone State…USF 24 Pitt 13
SAT. OCT. 1
#1 LSU over Kentucky giving 29 ½: Bengals 42 KY 7
Ball State over #2 OKLAHOMA taking 37: Two words…”conference sandwich”. Cardinals catch Sooners between a pair of Big 12 games….Mizzou last week, and Red River rivalry game vs. Texas on-deck. Ball State was just 6-18 straight-up entering this season, but is 2-1 SU thus far, upsetting both Indiana and Army (around a spanking by South Florida), utilizing a reasonably-balanced offense, and shows a 14-6 road dog record over the past 4+ years. Okies have beaten the line in Norman in 20 of last 26, but…OK 42 Ball State 17
#3 Alabama over #12 FLORIDA giving 4: Florida is rockin’ 11-1-1 ATS getting points in SEC match-ups, but we watched ‘Bama demoralize Arkansas on defense and special teams despite a sluggish offense, including one very staunch goal-line stand by the Pigs. Hogs’ O had some success against Tide with underneath crossing routes, but ‘Bama defenders delivered some brutal “de-cleaters” vs. Razorbacks’ ball-carriers. Gators posted 405 rushing yards vs. Kentucky, but ‘Bama limited Arkansas to 17 yards on 19 carries and Nick Saban went all Les Miles with an early fake FG for a score. Gotta’ lay the small line here. Crocs walloped Bruce Banner last weekend. This week, they get The Hulk!...”Don’t Make Me Angry..You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry 27 Florida 17
Nevada-Reno over #4 BOISE STATE taking 27: No faith in this pick. Two concepts to consider. 1) Broncos QB Kellen Moore is illin’ and not playing at 100% (went less than three quarters in spread-loss vs. Tulsa) and 2) Reno handed Boise its only outright defeat of last season. In addition, we question Wolfpack’s mindframe after yielding two-touchdown, 3rd Quarter advantage to Texas Tech, on the road, to lose on Red Raiders scoring pass with just over half-a-minute to play. Broncos are coin-toss worthy ATS at home. Fourth consecutive away tilt for Reno, who scraped by San Josie 17-14. The NCAA has put the kibosh on Boise wearin’ the Smurfilicious unis at home on the blue turf, but we don’t see why UNR couldn’t turn the tables and bust out their own azure duds. Could be nice “over” play… Tater-Heads 44 Reno 24
#5 Oklahoma State: IDLE (next vs. Kansas)
#6 STANFORD over Ucla giving 20: Stanford 38 UCLA 10
#7 WISCONSIN over #8 Nebraska giving 9: Huskers have historically-solid SU and ATS record against Big Tenuous teams, but most-recently squared-off against said conference in 2005 post-season. Madison is a tough place to open a new club membership. Not sold on QB Taylor Martinez and Big Dread team that didn’t pull away from Wyoming until the second-half…Badgers 33 Nebraska 20
#9 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Cal 10/6)
Auburn over #10 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 10: Fightin’ Squab 30 Tigers 24
#11 VIRGINIA TECH over #13 Clemson giving 7: Tigers got by furious late rally by Seminoles, who drew a dozen penalty flags to fall short. First meeting since Tech’s 41-23 win in 2007. Hokies, giving up 15 fewer points-per-game than Clemson and 13-4 ATS in ACC play, won’t be able to take a knee at the end of the 3rd Quarter this Saturday as they have done previously in wins over the non-conference buffet…VT 21 Tigers 13
#14 Texas A&M over #18 Arkansas giving 2 ½: As previously-noted, Arkansas deserved a better fate vs. Alabama. Aggies coughed it up four times in the final 30 minutes to waste a 17-point halftime lead and fall to Oklahoma State. A&M will have to guard vs. Hogs’ kick-return unit. The game is being hosted by Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. However, due to a snafu over temporary seating , many ticket-holders will actually be relocated and forced to watch the game from chairs elsewhere in Arlington!...A&M 34 Arkansas 29
#15 Baylor over KANSAS STATE giving 3 ½: Bears 37 Wildcats 27
#17 Texas over IOWA STATE giving 9 ½: Steers 28 Dust Devils 17
#19 MICHIGAN over Minnesota giving 20: What started as a promising season under new coach Jerry Kill, with a near-upset of then-ranked Southern Cal, came crashing down with a defeat to New Mexico State, an unconvincing 29-23 victory over Miami-Ohio and last week’s outright loss to I-AA North Dakota State…again! We would normally attribute the downfall to the distractions of Coach Kill’s health problems, which have seen him hospitalized with seizures, but the 0-fers have perennially been a welcome site for FCS teams in recent years. Gerbils lost to the Bison in their 2007 meeting, edged South Dakota State 16-13 in 2009 and were beaten by South Dakota last year (Are you listening, UNLV???). Wolverines need to seriously-improve on 4-20 spread tally vs. fellow Big Tender Foot teams, but are off to nice 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS jump on 2011 behind Denard Robinson. Gerbils are 6-1 taking double-digits against opponents over .500 and have covered 5 of last 6 facing Top 25, but only four BCS conference teams score fewer ppg than they do…Michigan 42 Minne-so-when-does-basketball-season-start? 17
Southern Methodist over #20 TCU taking 11 ½: TCU 34 SMU 31
#21 Georgia Tech over NC STATE giving 11 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Yellowjackets have covered 11 of last 15 vs. the Wolfpack, but got their stingers handed to ‘em in last season’s 45-28 loss. NC State is clearly floundering without QB Russell Wilson, who’s doing good things for the Badgers and can claim only a pair of SU wins over FCS opponents, having given up 34 at Wake Forest and 44 in bad loss at Cincinnati. State yielded better than 5 ypc to the Bearkats. Again, we note Tech’s nation-leading rushing game at 7 ypc, which effectively stifled North Carolina for three quarters last week….Wreck 44 NCSU 16
Bowling Green over #22 WEST VIRGINIA taking 20 ½: Mounties 35 Bee Gees 20
#23 Florida State: IDLE (next @ Wake Forest)
Northwestern over #24 ILLINOIS taking 8 ½: Illini 17 NW 12
Oregon State over #25 ARIZONA STATE taking 18: The presence of senior wide-out James Rodgers for the first time this year did not help the Beavers, who were “upset” (?) by UCLA last week, yet, we’re not ready to lay this many with the Pitchforks, who look for revenge over 2010’s 31-28 loss to State, but who have bounced in-and-out of the rankings and did so this week behind four turnovers by the Trojans…and must travel to Utah next….ASU 19 OSU 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, your nimble narrator once nearly got picked-up and carried-off by an intoxicated female traveller, who left the Weber Kid to his own devices after noting the luggage-tag, illicitly-acquired and prominently- sported by the Vindicator in an effort to blend-in with the rest of the suitcases, had the wrong address written on it!
On a Spring vacation back East, Vin was pulled for one of those “random”, expanded security searches and was disappointed when the TSA agent-in-question was caught fondling Vindy’s Picks! During that same trip, Vindy kept watch on the flight-status board for arrivals and departures. While Vin never did determine if his plane would come in or leave as scheduled, he was able to follow pick-by-pick NFL Draft selections!
And while we’re on the topic, referees have been stuffing penalty markers into each piece of luggage because at Southwest Airlines “flags fly free”!
FCS Strikes Again!: #28 Southern Utah 41 UNLV 16 (Guess which Mountain Jest squad just became a favored homecoming opponent for a boatload of AA teams???!!), #26 Sam Houston State 48 New Mexico 45 OT (Goodbye, Mike Locksley) and the aforementioned #12North Dakota State 37 Gilded Gerbils 24 (Go Bison!!!)
In August, a 22-year-old woman in Alaska, hoping to save her pooch from becoming take-out food, punched a black bear in da’ nose. This is a woman we would gladly have as part of the now-reduced wedge in front of our kick-returners!
As the Major League playoffs approach, the Yankees and Red Sox continue to get heat for playing games vs. each other at a snail’s pace. Maybe somebody should tell the respective stadium announcers that blasting the theme-song from “Chariots of Fire” over the PA system to start each inning has gotta’ go!
The top scoring-defense after four weeks of college gridiron contests? ‘Bama? Nope. Wisconsin? Uh-uh. LSU??!! Not even close! Allowing a paltry 7.8 ppg…..the Owls of Temple!!!!!!!!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Yep, we knew we shoulda’ taken Baylor over Rice!
“Locked in a Box?”: The mighty Gators hammered Kentucky to move our lock tally to 3-1 (.750)
Shoppe Talk: We’ll be servin’ fricasseed Hokies in the Shoppe Café this week with Virginia Tech at 0-3 (.000). And joining our circus as well, the Elephants of the Crimson Tide (1-3, .250, with three straight forecast losses).
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 12-7 (.632)
Utah State +7 ½ over BYU, Rutgers +3 over SYRACUSE, OHIO -16 ½ over Kent State, Northern Illinois -9 over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, KANSAS +6 ½ over Texas Tech, EAST CAROLINA +6 ½ over North Carolina
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Vindy's Picks Week 4-2011
FORECASTER WINS BACK TITLE TOWN
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (UPI)…About a week-and-a-half following the alien invasion, subsequent occupation of this beloved dwelling and release of the Packers cheerleading squad, brokered by Bill Clinton, who also arranged, in a solely “diplomatic” move, White House internships for a couple of “promising” female extraterrestrials, the Vegas Vindicator made an unselfish humanitarian gesture and offered himself to the ET force in exchange for the freedom of the local citizens of Green Bay, going where no prognosticator has gone before. Moved to the core of their very being (as only outlanders from space can be), the conquering army accepted the deal and returned independence to the city. In his final comments to the media before boarding the alien vessel, Vindy said the strangers’ yellowish-green, wedged-shaped heads with circular and semi-circular pock marks were “vaguely-familiar” and “reminded (him) of something”, but he “couldn’t remember what.”
Our pungent prophet posted a third straight losing week with 7-13 (22-32-1, .407), in part due to supporting the bigger chalk. Teams laying more than two touchdown went 1-7 ATS on Saturday and factoring in Boise’s cover of about 19 points, 2-7 on the weekend (Squads like Virginia Tech and Alabama went scoreless in the final 15 minutes or more????!!! We smell a rat!). “Bookie, bookie, bookie…why do ya treat me this wayyyyy, ya know I’m still your wager-boy, ya know I bet the same way…My honey, my bookie…don’t put my love on no shelf…She said, ‘I got my own liiiines, so keep yo’ picks to yo’sellllllf!’” Needing a boost(er rocket?), Vindy pays the Mother-ship organist to play “Here we go, Vinnnn-Deeee, here we go!” before transmitting…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(Ruining your children’s attention spans faster than SpongeBob)
SAT. SEPT. 24
Missouri over #1 OKLAHOMA taking 21 ½: We were definitely in favor of the Sooners moving to the 12-PAC. Think of all the construction jobs that would open up as the result of trying to re-route the Pacific Coast Highway through Norman, Oklahoma! (Weighing-in on the issue, Sarah Palin said she also supported the conference change and could “see the ocean” from Oklahoma Memorial Stadium!). Maybe the covered-wagon could be out-fitted with sails???!!!…Boomer Schooner? 34 Tigers 19
#2 Louisiana State over #16 WEST VIRGINIA giving 5 ½: The shift by Dana Holgorsen to the spread offense shows in Mounties’ lack of a running game. A trio of WVU receivers all went for better than 100 yards each, but it was a defensive pick-six that would be the difference in the victory over Maryland. Bengals tried to support Vindy’s Mississippi State pick by drawing five flags in less than 10-minute timeframe last week. Yet-another challenge for young Tigers’ D. West Virginia lost two outta’ three games vs. Top 25 in 2010, but covered all 3, including 20-14 defeat to LSU. WVU denied the AP’s request this summer for e-mails between school officials and coaches prior to the departure of then-coach Bill Stewart, who allegedly asked a media person to find- and spill da’ beans on his successor-be. Not to worry. We think Wiki-Leaks will eventually release those communications… at the worst-possible moment of the season…Bengals 23 Mounties 13
#14 Arkansas over #3 ALABAMA taking 11 ½: Tide’s allowing average of 6 ppg, but two of first three opponents had basically zero offensive potential (including the alma mater, who sent theirs to the locker room after the opening drive!).’Bama hasn’t posted more than a single ATS defeat in September since 2007. Elephants have covered last six following scoring more than 35 vs. non-SEC foes. Hogs need to shore-up the rush D. Only yielded 84 ground yards to Troy, but on just 20 carries. Even accounting for two long scoring runs from each of Tide RBs Richardson and Lacy, they still managed averages of 4+ and 7+ yards per tote. Razorbacks lost tough 24-20 decision in one of those rare ‘Bama games decided by single-digits last year and carry 7-3 ATS record facing Top 25 , including 4-1 on the road in those games...Tide 34 Arkansas 25
#4 BOISE STATE over Tulsa giving 32 ½: Boise 56 Tulsa 20
#5 Stanford: IDLE (next vs. UCLA)
South Dakota @ #6 WISCONSIN: No line
#8 Texas A&M over #7 Oklahoma State giving 3 (@ Cowboys Stadium, Dallas): Will there be lasting effects from Cowpokes’ previous game that went until 3:30 AM????!!! Coaches at State carried on with usual weekly schedule of practice. OKSU allowed 33 to Tulsa. Aggies, who have a bye next, won 38-35 in 2010. State’s covered just 2 of last 7 vs. ranked opponents. Cadets on 8-4 home chalk run, but quit scoring with 6 minutes left in 3rd Quarter (and were -2 in turnover ratio vs. Idaho). Cowboys are 2-6 prior to facing the Jayhawks…Aggies 41 State 33
WYOMING over #9 Nebraska taking 22 ½: Huskers 27 Wyoming 9
#10 Oregon over ARIZONA giving 15 ½: Drakes 41 ‘Cats 20
#11 Florida State over #21 CLEMSON giving 1 ½: ‘Noles game vs. Oklahoma mighta’ ended differently had EJ Manuel not been injured. Then again, maybe not. Redshirt freshman Clint Trickett carried himself mighty well, all things considered, but like many reserves, coughed up a turnover at a critical time…but still half as many as the starter did. Tigers are 3-0 SU and 2-0 against the number. Nonetheless, the Wofford escape continues to haunt us. Injuns held 6 of 8 conference opponents to 16 or less last year (and 2 of 3 foes overall this season). Home team has taken the money in 7 of last 9 in the series. Clemson had to rally from early two-score hole vs. Auburn…Chop 17 Clemson 13
Vanderbilt over #12 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 16 ½: Gamehens 30 Commodores 16
#13 Virginia Tech over MARSHALL giving 20 ½: VT 41 Herd 17
#15 Florida over KENTUCKY giving 19 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. WR Chris Rainey has been Da’ Man for the Gators, contributing significantly to the rushing game, as well as on special teams (blocking a punt last week). Given a weak offense for the ‘Cats, who come off loss to rival Louisville (who was beaten by Stun Belt squad Florida International) and unimpressive victories over Western Kentucky and Central Michigan, combined with Florida offense also battling to find any early rhythm (scoring a TD and three FGs in first half vs. Tennessee [with some credit to the Vols]), “under” might be the real choice here. Crocs are, however, 3-0 ATS, while KY is on 2-6 skid. UF is a nice road fave and we don’t see the Wildcats closing the gap enough on last season’s 48-14 defeat in the Swamp…Florida 39 KY 13
Rice over #17 BAYLOR taking 20: Owls rested last weekend after pulling off the minor upset of Purdue (can’t believe we just said that), while Bears shutout I-AA Stephen F. Austin for three quarters before refs called that one due to weather. Rice brings back 18 starters and are just 3 points from 2-0 spread record. Bears bumble vs. revenge-minded opponents, going 0-fer-last seven in that role. Barnyard Birds are lousy vs. non-conference teams, especially the Big (currently)-12 and even worse away from the home farm. RG III has thrown 9 scoring passes without an INT. Owls have allowed 3 aerial touchdowns with no picks thus far and finished 118th in the nation in 2010 with 34-6 ratio. “Wish I Had it Back” written all over this, but…Baylor 31 Rice 17
#18 SOUTH FLORIDA over Texas-El Paso giving 29: USF 42 UTEP 10
#19 Texas: IDLE (next @ Iowa State)
Portland State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#22 MICHIGAN over San Diego State giving 10: Not a bad lock choice. Oh please. Sudzu whacked I-AA Cal Poly, then squeaked by Army. Big Blue enjoying fourth of five straight games at the Big House to open the ’11 campaign. UM is either 2-1 or 2-0-1 depending on whether ya had Week Three’s four-touchdown win over Eastern Michigan as a loss or a push. Current Wolverine coach was head man over the Aztecs in the previous two seasons and led State to a 9-4 record and its first post-season in a dozen years. Aztecs were 5-2 ATS as road dogs and 3-3 ATS vs. ranked under Brady Hoke, but all six of those Top 25 foes were fellow-Mountain Jest teams, none of whom had a dual-threat QB named Robinson…Despicable Meeeesigan 28 SDSU 14
ARIZONA STATE over #23 Southern Cal giving 2 ½: Have to figure officials at the LA school were overjoyed to hear about issues at OSU and Miami to divert some unwanted media attention coming into the season. Sun Devils are kicking themselves for late fumble that gave Illinois the win and their spot in the rankings. Trojans pounded visiting Syracuse, but we ain’t convinced after USC survived Minnesota and Utah, both at the Coliseum. ASU has covered 5 of last 7 conference openers, giving points in about half of those, but Troy has won 11 straight years, including 34-33 in 2010. Top running back Marc Tyler couldn’t dress for Trojans’ opener vs. the Golden Gophers for suggesting to TMZ that he receives money to play for the school, indicating, “USC, they breaking bread.” Maybe he misspoke and actually meant the Athletic Department was auditing a culinary class and making bread?! Or maybe USC just really stands for… “Undercover Spending-Cash”… Pitchforks 23 USC 19
Western Michigan over #24 ILLINOIS taking 13 ½: Had the Illini not been in da’ Top 25 this week, we’da’ had this as a “best bet”. Illini lost in all statistical categories in triumph over Arizona State and are fortunate to be here, getting the deciding tally on the aforementioned late turnover. MAC contender Broncos drew a spread-loss in weather-shortened tilt at Michigan and are now 3-11-1 getting points on the road, 0-fer-last-five getting double-digits outside Kalamazoo and 1-4 ATS facing Big Tentacles Conference enemies. Illini are 13-7 ATS in past 20 matches, but mere 3-3 giving Champaign points. WMU is poor 1-6-1 outside da’ MAC and we’d really we’d just prefer the “over” in a shootout… Illinois 38 Western Michigan 31
North Carolina over #25 GEORGIA TECH taking 6 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Bees have broken into the 60’s twice already behind usual, big running game. Tech beat a suspension-strapped Carolina team in Raleigh, 30-24, last year and has taken 5 of last 6 outright in this series, though has gone only 2-5 ATS in last 7. Tarheels winning on defense this year and have gone “under” the total in both lined games (though barely in both). UNC has dropped 4 of last 6 SU when yielding more than 17 points. And one of two victories came this season after giving up 22 to Rutgers. We like Carolina’s rushing defense (giving a mere 2.3 ypc) and tougher schedule to-date. An NCAA probe revealed Tarheels football players racked up over $13K of parking tickets from 2007-2010…. and what Terrell Pryor was doing in Raleigh during each of those years is still anybody’s guess!...UNC 24 Joja’ Tech 23
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Clearly, the aliens didn’t get a look at Vindy’s Week Three results or they’da’ jettisoned our hero out the photon-torpedo tube with the rest of the sub-orbital offal before the ship got off da’ ground!
The State (Republic?) of Texas has rebuked the taboo on incandescent lightbulbs. We love watchin’ the newly-named Longhorns mascot, Bevolt, trot onto the field and hearing the A&M cadets yell “Giga-watt ‘Em, Aggies!” BTW, “How many Red Raiders does it take… to change a light-bulb?!”
Discussing the preseason collision with a wide-receiver during practice that left him with shoulder- and pelvis injuries, and temporarily confined to him to a golf cart for mobility purposes, Joe Paterno said, “The good Lord has a way of doing things.” Apparently, until the day in question, it was a little known fact that God had taken over duties as offensive coordinator and was now calling pass routes! We’re just wondering what surface He was using to draw up the X’s and OMGs!!! We’ll take it as a good sign that somebody on high wants JoePa to keep coaching since it was 5-foot-7 Devon Smith that was sent crashing into the venerable NCAA icon rather than…ohhhh, let’s say….6-foot-6, 275-lbs. TE Garry Gilliam!!!BTW, we always thought it was the players, not the coaches that were posed atop the motorized platforms in the old Coleco Electric Football game!
On the telly as part of the new Fall line-up…a football adaptation of a popular game show in which contestants have whatever’s left on the clock following the final time-out to drive their team down the field into position to kick a FG that would secure the victory in…”About Two Minutes to Win It!”
Elsewhere on the boob tube, U.S. Women’s Soccer goalie, Hope Solo, opened nicely on “Dancing With Da’ Stars” this week….with big brother Han in the studio cheering her along! Meanwhile, NBA baller Ron Artest made a quick exit. What a shame. We’re told the man soon-to-be-known as Metal Whirled Pizza (somethin’ like that) still had a couple flagrant fouls-to-give!
In one of those draft-preview articles, ESPN Da’ Mag noted the average Wonderlic test score for quarterbacks was 24, 29 for computer programmers and 15 for janitors. Had Batman’s youthful sidekick scored well on the “IQ” test administered during the NFL Combine, would he have been known as...Robin, the Boy Wonderlic???! BTW, test officials wouldn’t reveal Vindy’s final tally, but suggested the end result puts the fab forecaster somewhere between waterboy and...goalpost!
Black Shirt: Goes to Boise State coach Chris Petersen for keeping petal-to-metal and allowing RB Drew Wright to score an 8-yard TD with 90 seconds left, already up 18 over Toledo to get the cover, and one of Vindy’s seven total correct picks this week.
“Locked in a Box?”: As we called, Navy nearly upset the Fightin’ Fowl, bringing the lock record to 2-1 (.667), including Stanford’s delayed-but-eventual spread win over Duke, which we somehow neglected to mention in Week Three.
Shoppe Talk: The Buckeyes go to 0-3 (and mercifully fall outta’ the rankings this week).
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 10-4 (.714)
TEXAS TECH -20 over Nevada-Reno, MEMPHIS +22 over Southern Methodist, BALL STATE +4 over Army, Fresno State -4 over IDAHO, MISSISSIPPI STATE -20 over Weeziana Tech
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (UPI)…About a week-and-a-half following the alien invasion, subsequent occupation of this beloved dwelling and release of the Packers cheerleading squad, brokered by Bill Clinton, who also arranged, in a solely “diplomatic” move, White House internships for a couple of “promising” female extraterrestrials, the Vegas Vindicator made an unselfish humanitarian gesture and offered himself to the ET force in exchange for the freedom of the local citizens of Green Bay, going where no prognosticator has gone before. Moved to the core of their very being (as only outlanders from space can be), the conquering army accepted the deal and returned independence to the city. In his final comments to the media before boarding the alien vessel, Vindy said the strangers’ yellowish-green, wedged-shaped heads with circular and semi-circular pock marks were “vaguely-familiar” and “reminded (him) of something”, but he “couldn’t remember what.”
Our pungent prophet posted a third straight losing week with 7-13 (22-32-1, .407), in part due to supporting the bigger chalk. Teams laying more than two touchdown went 1-7 ATS on Saturday and factoring in Boise’s cover of about 19 points, 2-7 on the weekend (Squads like Virginia Tech and Alabama went scoreless in the final 15 minutes or more????!!! We smell a rat!). “Bookie, bookie, bookie…why do ya treat me this wayyyyy, ya know I’m still your wager-boy, ya know I bet the same way…My honey, my bookie…don’t put my love on no shelf…She said, ‘I got my own liiiines, so keep yo’ picks to yo’sellllllf!’” Needing a boost(er rocket?), Vindy pays the Mother-ship organist to play “Here we go, Vinnnn-Deeee, here we go!” before transmitting…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(Ruining your children’s attention spans faster than SpongeBob)
SAT. SEPT. 24
Missouri over #1 OKLAHOMA taking 21 ½: We were definitely in favor of the Sooners moving to the 12-PAC. Think of all the construction jobs that would open up as the result of trying to re-route the Pacific Coast Highway through Norman, Oklahoma! (Weighing-in on the issue, Sarah Palin said she also supported the conference change and could “see the ocean” from Oklahoma Memorial Stadium!). Maybe the covered-wagon could be out-fitted with sails???!!!…Boomer Schooner? 34 Tigers 19
#2 Louisiana State over #16 WEST VIRGINIA giving 5 ½: The shift by Dana Holgorsen to the spread offense shows in Mounties’ lack of a running game. A trio of WVU receivers all went for better than 100 yards each, but it was a defensive pick-six that would be the difference in the victory over Maryland. Bengals tried to support Vindy’s Mississippi State pick by drawing five flags in less than 10-minute timeframe last week. Yet-another challenge for young Tigers’ D. West Virginia lost two outta’ three games vs. Top 25 in 2010, but covered all 3, including 20-14 defeat to LSU. WVU denied the AP’s request this summer for e-mails between school officials and coaches prior to the departure of then-coach Bill Stewart, who allegedly asked a media person to find- and spill da’ beans on his successor-be. Not to worry. We think Wiki-Leaks will eventually release those communications… at the worst-possible moment of the season…Bengals 23 Mounties 13
#14 Arkansas over #3 ALABAMA taking 11 ½: Tide’s allowing average of 6 ppg, but two of first three opponents had basically zero offensive potential (including the alma mater, who sent theirs to the locker room after the opening drive!).’Bama hasn’t posted more than a single ATS defeat in September since 2007. Elephants have covered last six following scoring more than 35 vs. non-SEC foes. Hogs need to shore-up the rush D. Only yielded 84 ground yards to Troy, but on just 20 carries. Even accounting for two long scoring runs from each of Tide RBs Richardson and Lacy, they still managed averages of 4+ and 7+ yards per tote. Razorbacks lost tough 24-20 decision in one of those rare ‘Bama games decided by single-digits last year and carry 7-3 ATS record facing Top 25 , including 4-1 on the road in those games...Tide 34 Arkansas 25
#4 BOISE STATE over Tulsa giving 32 ½: Boise 56 Tulsa 20
#5 Stanford: IDLE (next vs. UCLA)
South Dakota @ #6 WISCONSIN: No line
#8 Texas A&M over #7 Oklahoma State giving 3 (@ Cowboys Stadium, Dallas): Will there be lasting effects from Cowpokes’ previous game that went until 3:30 AM????!!! Coaches at State carried on with usual weekly schedule of practice. OKSU allowed 33 to Tulsa. Aggies, who have a bye next, won 38-35 in 2010. State’s covered just 2 of last 7 vs. ranked opponents. Cadets on 8-4 home chalk run, but quit scoring with 6 minutes left in 3rd Quarter (and were -2 in turnover ratio vs. Idaho). Cowboys are 2-6 prior to facing the Jayhawks…Aggies 41 State 33
WYOMING over #9 Nebraska taking 22 ½: Huskers 27 Wyoming 9
#10 Oregon over ARIZONA giving 15 ½: Drakes 41 ‘Cats 20
#11 Florida State over #21 CLEMSON giving 1 ½: ‘Noles game vs. Oklahoma mighta’ ended differently had EJ Manuel not been injured. Then again, maybe not. Redshirt freshman Clint Trickett carried himself mighty well, all things considered, but like many reserves, coughed up a turnover at a critical time…but still half as many as the starter did. Tigers are 3-0 SU and 2-0 against the number. Nonetheless, the Wofford escape continues to haunt us. Injuns held 6 of 8 conference opponents to 16 or less last year (and 2 of 3 foes overall this season). Home team has taken the money in 7 of last 9 in the series. Clemson had to rally from early two-score hole vs. Auburn…Chop 17 Clemson 13
Vanderbilt over #12 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 16 ½: Gamehens 30 Commodores 16
#13 Virginia Tech over MARSHALL giving 20 ½: VT 41 Herd 17
#15 Florida over KENTUCKY giving 19 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. WR Chris Rainey has been Da’ Man for the Gators, contributing significantly to the rushing game, as well as on special teams (blocking a punt last week). Given a weak offense for the ‘Cats, who come off loss to rival Louisville (who was beaten by Stun Belt squad Florida International) and unimpressive victories over Western Kentucky and Central Michigan, combined with Florida offense also battling to find any early rhythm (scoring a TD and three FGs in first half vs. Tennessee [with some credit to the Vols]), “under” might be the real choice here. Crocs are, however, 3-0 ATS, while KY is on 2-6 skid. UF is a nice road fave and we don’t see the Wildcats closing the gap enough on last season’s 48-14 defeat in the Swamp…Florida 39 KY 13
Rice over #17 BAYLOR taking 20: Owls rested last weekend after pulling off the minor upset of Purdue (can’t believe we just said that), while Bears shutout I-AA Stephen F. Austin for three quarters before refs called that one due to weather. Rice brings back 18 starters and are just 3 points from 2-0 spread record. Bears bumble vs. revenge-minded opponents, going 0-fer-last seven in that role. Barnyard Birds are lousy vs. non-conference teams, especially the Big (currently)-12 and even worse away from the home farm. RG III has thrown 9 scoring passes without an INT. Owls have allowed 3 aerial touchdowns with no picks thus far and finished 118th in the nation in 2010 with 34-6 ratio. “Wish I Had it Back” written all over this, but…Baylor 31 Rice 17
#18 SOUTH FLORIDA over Texas-El Paso giving 29: USF 42 UTEP 10
#19 Texas: IDLE (next @ Iowa State)
Portland State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#22 MICHIGAN over San Diego State giving 10: Not a bad lock choice. Oh please. Sudzu whacked I-AA Cal Poly, then squeaked by Army. Big Blue enjoying fourth of five straight games at the Big House to open the ’11 campaign. UM is either 2-1 or 2-0-1 depending on whether ya had Week Three’s four-touchdown win over Eastern Michigan as a loss or a push. Current Wolverine coach was head man over the Aztecs in the previous two seasons and led State to a 9-4 record and its first post-season in a dozen years. Aztecs were 5-2 ATS as road dogs and 3-3 ATS vs. ranked under Brady Hoke, but all six of those Top 25 foes were fellow-Mountain Jest teams, none of whom had a dual-threat QB named Robinson…Despicable Meeeesigan 28 SDSU 14
ARIZONA STATE over #23 Southern Cal giving 2 ½: Have to figure officials at the LA school were overjoyed to hear about issues at OSU and Miami to divert some unwanted media attention coming into the season. Sun Devils are kicking themselves for late fumble that gave Illinois the win and their spot in the rankings. Trojans pounded visiting Syracuse, but we ain’t convinced after USC survived Minnesota and Utah, both at the Coliseum. ASU has covered 5 of last 7 conference openers, giving points in about half of those, but Troy has won 11 straight years, including 34-33 in 2010. Top running back Marc Tyler couldn’t dress for Trojans’ opener vs. the Golden Gophers for suggesting to TMZ that he receives money to play for the school, indicating, “USC, they breaking bread.” Maybe he misspoke and actually meant the Athletic Department was auditing a culinary class and making bread?! Or maybe USC just really stands for… “Undercover Spending-Cash”… Pitchforks 23 USC 19
Western Michigan over #24 ILLINOIS taking 13 ½: Had the Illini not been in da’ Top 25 this week, we’da’ had this as a “best bet”. Illini lost in all statistical categories in triumph over Arizona State and are fortunate to be here, getting the deciding tally on the aforementioned late turnover. MAC contender Broncos drew a spread-loss in weather-shortened tilt at Michigan and are now 3-11-1 getting points on the road, 0-fer-last-five getting double-digits outside Kalamazoo and 1-4 ATS facing Big Tentacles Conference enemies. Illini are 13-7 ATS in past 20 matches, but mere 3-3 giving Champaign points. WMU is poor 1-6-1 outside da’ MAC and we’d really we’d just prefer the “over” in a shootout… Illinois 38 Western Michigan 31
North Carolina over #25 GEORGIA TECH taking 6 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Bees have broken into the 60’s twice already behind usual, big running game. Tech beat a suspension-strapped Carolina team in Raleigh, 30-24, last year and has taken 5 of last 6 outright in this series, though has gone only 2-5 ATS in last 7. Tarheels winning on defense this year and have gone “under” the total in both lined games (though barely in both). UNC has dropped 4 of last 6 SU when yielding more than 17 points. And one of two victories came this season after giving up 22 to Rutgers. We like Carolina’s rushing defense (giving a mere 2.3 ypc) and tougher schedule to-date. An NCAA probe revealed Tarheels football players racked up over $13K of parking tickets from 2007-2010…. and what Terrell Pryor was doing in Raleigh during each of those years is still anybody’s guess!...UNC 24 Joja’ Tech 23
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Clearly, the aliens didn’t get a look at Vindy’s Week Three results or they’da’ jettisoned our hero out the photon-torpedo tube with the rest of the sub-orbital offal before the ship got off da’ ground!
The State (Republic?) of Texas has rebuked the taboo on incandescent lightbulbs. We love watchin’ the newly-named Longhorns mascot, Bevolt, trot onto the field and hearing the A&M cadets yell “Giga-watt ‘Em, Aggies!” BTW, “How many Red Raiders does it take… to change a light-bulb?!”
Discussing the preseason collision with a wide-receiver during practice that left him with shoulder- and pelvis injuries, and temporarily confined to him to a golf cart for mobility purposes, Joe Paterno said, “The good Lord has a way of doing things.” Apparently, until the day in question, it was a little known fact that God had taken over duties as offensive coordinator and was now calling pass routes! We’re just wondering what surface He was using to draw up the X’s and OMGs!!! We’ll take it as a good sign that somebody on high wants JoePa to keep coaching since it was 5-foot-7 Devon Smith that was sent crashing into the venerable NCAA icon rather than…ohhhh, let’s say….6-foot-6, 275-lbs. TE Garry Gilliam!!!BTW, we always thought it was the players, not the coaches that were posed atop the motorized platforms in the old Coleco Electric Football game!
On the telly as part of the new Fall line-up…a football adaptation of a popular game show in which contestants have whatever’s left on the clock following the final time-out to drive their team down the field into position to kick a FG that would secure the victory in…”About Two Minutes to Win It!”
Elsewhere on the boob tube, U.S. Women’s Soccer goalie, Hope Solo, opened nicely on “Dancing With Da’ Stars” this week….with big brother Han in the studio cheering her along! Meanwhile, NBA baller Ron Artest made a quick exit. What a shame. We’re told the man soon-to-be-known as Metal Whirled Pizza (somethin’ like that) still had a couple flagrant fouls-to-give!
In one of those draft-preview articles, ESPN Da’ Mag noted the average Wonderlic test score for quarterbacks was 24, 29 for computer programmers and 15 for janitors. Had Batman’s youthful sidekick scored well on the “IQ” test administered during the NFL Combine, would he have been known as...Robin, the Boy Wonderlic???! BTW, test officials wouldn’t reveal Vindy’s final tally, but suggested the end result puts the fab forecaster somewhere between waterboy and...goalpost!
Black Shirt: Goes to Boise State coach Chris Petersen for keeping petal-to-metal and allowing RB Drew Wright to score an 8-yard TD with 90 seconds left, already up 18 over Toledo to get the cover, and one of Vindy’s seven total correct picks this week.
“Locked in a Box?”: As we called, Navy nearly upset the Fightin’ Fowl, bringing the lock record to 2-1 (.667), including Stanford’s delayed-but-eventual spread win over Duke, which we somehow neglected to mention in Week Three.
Shoppe Talk: The Buckeyes go to 0-3 (and mercifully fall outta’ the rankings this week).
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 10-4 (.714)
TEXAS TECH -20 over Nevada-Reno, MEMPHIS +22 over Southern Methodist, BALL STATE +4 over Army, Fresno State -4 over IDAHO, MISSISSIPPI STATE -20 over Weeziana Tech
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Vindy Picks Week 3-2011
FROZEN TUNDRA FALLS TO ALIENS AFTER PRESIDENTIAL SLIGHT
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (ITAR-Tass)…Enthralled by post-game coverage of the Packers’ exciting 42-34 Thursday night victory over the New Orleans Saints to kick-off the 2011 NFL season, citizens of Title Town, USA never saw it coming. Aliens attacked and annexed Lambeau Field, as well as the surrounding city without so much as a hint they were approaching. That’s because Barrack Obama refused to break into local coverage to announce the imminent threat, as he had done throughout the rest of the nation. Answering questions from the media about his inaction here, President Obama said the people of Green Bay had “declared their priorities loud-and-clear” when Milwaukee TV station WTMJ “bumped” the President’s speech on unemployment to another station in favor of the pre-game gala and that he “wasn’t about to trample on their civil rights” by interrupting the broadcast with breaking news of the invasion. Asked if, in retrospect, he regretted his decision, the Commander-in-Chief replied, “Hey, I’m a Bears fan. I’m crushed…NOT!”
Our shaky seer was a ½-point Friday night forecast-win from an early 0-7 hole, but late afternoon and evening games were kind enough to result in a 7-9-1 finish for Week Two (15-19-1, .441 season), despite a Big Tent-Peg conference that went rogue on one of its own faithful alum with an 0-4 “performance”.
Following back-to-back sub-par weeks, Vindicator has been informed he will be forced to “join ‘Peggy’ in ‘retraining program’” if he doesn’t do something good with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 3 FORECAST(Now available on the Inter-Galactic Sports Network)
THURS. SEPT. 15
#25 MISSISSIPPI STATE over #3 Louisiana State taking 3 ½: Bulldogs were out-gained, out-first-downed and out-done in time-of-possession in tough-but-entertaining loss at Auburn. Tigers got past the sloppy Ducks in a game that was closer than the final score suggested and went 4-4 ATS in the SEC in 2010, bringing the five-year total to 12-24-5. LSU won 29-7 last year and State’s last outright victory in this series was 1999. Bulldogs went 1-4 ATS against the Top 25 last year, getting its only SU win in those games at Florida. Tigers have won 6 of last 8 vs. ranked foes, but the young defense tackles another high-powered offense. Both teams have been well-over the totals.... Bengals 34 Bulldogs 31
FRI. SEPT. 16
#4 Boise State over TOLEDO giving 18 ½: Rockets may have left it all on the gridiron after almost doing the unthinkable by nearly dropping Ohio State. But unlike the Buckeyes, Broncos will play with all their folks, probably including three from Amsterdam who sat out last week (and given that their respective prep schools were in the near-proximity of legal marijuana and red light districts, they mighta’ been more at home at UNLV…just sayin’.) and more-established offense. Boise has not covered last 4 games spotting their opponents less than three touchdowns on weekdays (we thank Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com for that convoluted trend) and did allow Joja’ scoring passes of 36- and 51-yards. Toledo did have a pair of receivers each over 100 receiving yards each in the OSU game. Boise has been nice 12-4 road fave the last three seasons and won 57-14 in 2010 match-up. Visiting the home of da’ Mudhens this week….Charlie Sheen and his “Violent Toledo of Truth” tour…BSU 44 Rockets 20
SAT. SEPT. 17
#1 Oklahoma over #5 FLORIDA STATE giving 3 ½: Pressure’s on the Sooners to defend the #1 ranking and we saw what happened to the TCU Frogs at the hands of vengeful Baylor in Week One, but the Toads nearly pulled it out anyway. Sooners got the bye and the extra week to prepare, and while they still really haven’t played anybody, ‘Noles got to stay in tune by pounding Charlatan Southern. No confidence in this call and we’d prefer “under” whatever total gets posted…OK 24 FSU 17
#2 ALABAMA over North Texas giving 46: Tide 54 Lean Green 0
#6 Stanford over ARIZONA giving 10: Cardinal 31 AZ 17
NORTHERN ILLINOIS over #7 Wisconsin taking 16 ½: Wisky 29 Huskies 16
#8 Oklahoma State over TULSA giving 14: OKSU 38 Hurricane 20
#9 TEXAS A&M over Idaho giving 36 ½: Aggies are rested for this one, but historically A&M is dismal 1-5 SU/0-5-1 ATS off a bye. Nonetheless, Tater Town is 6-13 ATS in last 19 lined games, 2-8 ATS back to last season, rolled over completely as 6-point chalk in opening home-loss to Bowling Green (supporting one of our best bet selections!) and trailed FCS squad North Dakota 14-3 early and 14-10 at halftime. Lots of seniors for Idaho, but just four returning starters on offense. We’ll stick with reliable home fave and Vindy’s BCS Title game contestant choice A&M, led by Ryan Tannehill…Aggies 54 Garlic Mashed 10
Washington over #10 NEBRASKA taking 17 ½: Big Dread 28 Sled Dogs 13
Navy over #11 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 18 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Gamecocks struggled early with East Carolina and then rallied to scrape past Georgia. Quarterback issues are apparent on offense and nobody on the young Carolina D-line has seen the Middies’ version of the option. Navy excels sailing in hostile waters, enjoying current 16-5 run as road dogs. Sailors get a bye after this before hosting Air Force, so they can let it rip. If it wasn’t for the presence of KFC running back Marcus Lattimore, we’d be hanging “upset pick of da’ week” on this…Poultry 28 Navy 23
Missouri State @ #12 OREGON: No line.
#13 VIRGINIA TECH over Arkansas State giving 24: Hokies 44 ASU 13
#14 ARKANSAS over Troy giving 24 ½: Hogs 45 Trojans 17
#15 Michigan State over NOTRE DAME taking 5: Two late-game collapses have put the Irish in a bad way. The Golden Domers have been September bet-against material since the start of the 2006 season and continue to be with 0-2 spread tally already this season. Spartans won 34-31 in 2010. Four of the last six in this match-up were decided by 3, the other two were double-digit victories by State. Sparty has been a bad road dog, but Leprechauns have been horrible home chalk at 9-21-2. ND is another squad with uncertainties under center…MSU 24 ND 20
Tennessee over #16 FLORIDA taking 9: Gators have beaten UT six straight years, the last four by double-digits, going just 3-2-1 ATS in the process. Florida eventually smothered (and covered) the Blazers in 39-0 rout and in a humanitarian move, went scoreless after three quarters. Of concern however, might be the tiny detail that four of UF’s first five tallies were field goals or safeties. Rocky Top seemingly has a new attitude and looked good in opening victories over I-AA Montana and a feisty Cincinnati team. Florida won 31-17 last year, but is just 5-10-2 against the number in conference play. Vols sport a 7-3 spread record as away dogs and 24-14-3 ATS in the SEC. Apparently, that nagging voice Vindy heard imploring him in Week Two to take UAB and the generous handicap turned out to just be a defective See ‘N Say in his childhood toy chest (“The dragon says ‘moooooo’! [Hey…we told ya it was defective!]) …Crocs 29 Vols 24
#17 Ohio State over MIAMI taking 3: We were hopin’ this one woulda’ stayed off the board, but so be it! Buckeyes, last week, displayed the blundering offensive effort we expected to see vs. Akron, posting a goose-egg in 4th Quarter and hanging on at Toledo. Both sides are still without some peeps and ‘Canes paid the price, losing opener to Maryland. State won 36-24 last season and Miami wants payback, but the Pelicans are 6-14 layin’ points in Coral Gables, 1-5 in last six vs. ranked opponents, under new management (We still love ya, Al Golden!) and will play inconsistent QB Jacory Harris, who’s as apt to throw a pick as he is a touchdown pass. Luke Fickell, at least, has played a couple games, while Harris has been limited to practice only. Defensive edge goes to the Big Ten squad as well, and we think Buckeyes find a way to win it. Miami booster Nevin Shapiro enticed players with motorcycles and leather jackets. The athletes, many of whom watched re-runs of Happy Days as kids, apparently thought their benevolent-but-bogus benefactor said “Fonzie scheme” and figured it was all good. Reached for comment later, Henry Winkler flashed a thumbs-up and quipped, “Miami???? Heeeyyyyyy!!!!!”… Ohio State 20 Miami 16
MARYLAND over #18 West Virginia giving 2: Box Turtles 24 Mountaineers 19
Stephen F. Austin @ #19 BAYLOR: No line.
Florida A&M @ #20 SOUTH FLORIDA: No line.
#21 Auburn over CLEMSON taking 3 ½: Like the trees at Toomer’s Corner, Auburn is resilient, coming out on the right side of a couple of nail-biters. Like Auburn, Clemson is breaking-in a lot of new faces on defense. It is experienced on offense…except at quarterback. Auburn took this one 27-24 last year, one of four defeats for Clemson by 6 points or less. Clemson hasn’t been tested yet and was unimpressive in last week’s 35-29 win over I-AA Wofford. BTW, the War Eagle that did a major face-plant on the pane-glass of a luxury box at Jordan-Hare Stadium last week has been offered a rockin’ endorsement deal from Windex!...Auburn 31 Clemson 27
#22 Arizona State over ILLINOIS giving 1 ½: Is the ASU logo change reminiscent for anybody else out there, as it is for Vindicator, of Aquaman’s or Neptune’s trident???!!!”Fear the Fork (Respect da’ Tail?!!!)”!....ASU 23 Illini 14
#23 TEXAS CHRISTIAN over Louisiana-Monroe giving 27 ½: Toads 34 ULM 3
#24 Texas over UCLA giving 3 ½: Not a bad choice for lock. Maybe we spoke too soon about Garrett Gilbert’s improved competency at QB for the ‘Horns. He bought himself a trip to the pine this week with 2-fer-8 for 8 yards and two picks vs. BYU. Bruins lost shootout to Houston and we think they were maybe looking past San Josie with ugly 10-point decision in anticipation of this one…or were they? Steers in revenge mode after last year’s 34-12 Bruins win sent the Austin Angus into a major tailspin. UCLA was a good bet vs. non-conference coming into 2011, but has dropped both to the line in two tries to-date…Texas 24 UCLA 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Obama also went on to praise the efforts of resistance forces across the country that successfully repelled the extraterrestrial hoards, including folks in his hometown of Chicago, who made their final stand at O’Hare International Airport and gave new meaning to the phrase “Monsters of the Midway”!
In related news, the Chicago Bears announced a last-minute cancellation of Family Night in late August after the grounds-crew forgot to water Soldier Field and heat forced postponement of that day’s practice. Great. Da’ Bears were 0-1 at home before the season even started!
Last week, we noted some surprising final scores from FBS-FCS tussles. This week’s entries in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!”category include: the aforementioned Clemson 35 (#9) Wofford 27, Weeziana Tech 48 (#20) Central Arkansas 42(OT), Pitt 35 (unranked) Maine 29, Syracuse 21 (unranked ) Rhode Island 14, Eastern Michigan 14 (unranked) Alabama State 7….and just a week after nearly toppling USC, the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota fall outright, 28-21, to New Mexico State, who had a total of five SU wins over the previous two years!
East Baton Rouge PD seized 49 (count ‘em, 49!) pairs of shoes during a search of Jordan Jefferson’s pad. Leads us to conclude one of three things…1) JJ lives with a woman 2) the Bengals QB secretly wants to be a woman or 3) he actually wants to play for Oregon and has compiled the requisite amount of footwear to go with each of the Ducks’ possible uniform combinations!
Cam Newton coulda’ made millions being drafted by…and playing for…the Denver Broncos or Buffalo Bills this past April, but his father had already offered-up the former Auburn Tiger’s services to the Carolina Panthers in exchange for three separate payments totaling $180,000! (The elder Newton was subsequently offered the role of Dr. Evil in an upcoming remake of Austin Powers in Goldmember!
After five attempts, Doug Flutie’s daughter finally got herself a roster spot as a New England Patriots cheerleader. Judges were left with no choice but to grant her the job after she launched her pom-poms 65-yards downfield to a waiting Gerard Phelan in the end zone with no time left in her audition, giving her the upset over another girl, who was heavily-favored to win the position!
Vindy caught the following headline in a May edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal: “MLB Probes Treatment Given to Yankees’ Colon”. Huh??!! Did unsavory things happen during the Bronx Bombers’ team visit to the proctologist???!!
Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco didn’t make the contract-cut following a five-day March tryout with Kansas City of the MLS. Still, we can’t wait to see him bicycle-kick his first pass-reception through the uprights!
Steve Spurrier came out this week in support of research by a college athlete advocacy group showing your run-of-the-mill I-A gridiron player is worth about $121,000. Yet another Kelly Blue Book special-edition shows a Mercedes S-class or Bentley with very little mileage will fetch ya Charlie Batch…or Ryan Leaf and a nifty full-size skull tat on the butt-cheek of your choice!
Shoppe Talk: Joining the Buckeyes (0-2), Oklahoma State gets to ride the Shoppe range following back-to-back forecast losses to start the season. In addition, we invite the ECU Pirates and Bulls of South Florida, both 0-2.
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0 Season: 8-1 (.889)
Nevada-Reno -5 ½ over SAN JOSE STATE, CINCINNATI -31 over Akron, Washington State +7 over SAN DIEGO STATE, Utah +6 ½ over BYU, BOWLING GREEN -8 ½ over Wyoming
And now back to our favorite stoner fantasy-flick-with-religious-overtones….”The Chronic of Narnia”! (Yeah, YEAH! Save the hate-mail for someone who cares!)
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (ITAR-Tass)…Enthralled by post-game coverage of the Packers’ exciting 42-34 Thursday night victory over the New Orleans Saints to kick-off the 2011 NFL season, citizens of Title Town, USA never saw it coming. Aliens attacked and annexed Lambeau Field, as well as the surrounding city without so much as a hint they were approaching. That’s because Barrack Obama refused to break into local coverage to announce the imminent threat, as he had done throughout the rest of the nation. Answering questions from the media about his inaction here, President Obama said the people of Green Bay had “declared their priorities loud-and-clear” when Milwaukee TV station WTMJ “bumped” the President’s speech on unemployment to another station in favor of the pre-game gala and that he “wasn’t about to trample on their civil rights” by interrupting the broadcast with breaking news of the invasion. Asked if, in retrospect, he regretted his decision, the Commander-in-Chief replied, “Hey, I’m a Bears fan. I’m crushed…NOT!”
Our shaky seer was a ½-point Friday night forecast-win from an early 0-7 hole, but late afternoon and evening games were kind enough to result in a 7-9-1 finish for Week Two (15-19-1, .441 season), despite a Big Tent-Peg conference that went rogue on one of its own faithful alum with an 0-4 “performance”.
Following back-to-back sub-par weeks, Vindicator has been informed he will be forced to “join ‘Peggy’ in ‘retraining program’” if he doesn’t do something good with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 WEEK 3 FORECAST(Now available on the Inter-Galactic Sports Network)
THURS. SEPT. 15
#25 MISSISSIPPI STATE over #3 Louisiana State taking 3 ½: Bulldogs were out-gained, out-first-downed and out-done in time-of-possession in tough-but-entertaining loss at Auburn. Tigers got past the sloppy Ducks in a game that was closer than the final score suggested and went 4-4 ATS in the SEC in 2010, bringing the five-year total to 12-24-5. LSU won 29-7 last year and State’s last outright victory in this series was 1999. Bulldogs went 1-4 ATS against the Top 25 last year, getting its only SU win in those games at Florida. Tigers have won 6 of last 8 vs. ranked foes, but the young defense tackles another high-powered offense. Both teams have been well-over the totals.... Bengals 34 Bulldogs 31
FRI. SEPT. 16
#4 Boise State over TOLEDO giving 18 ½: Rockets may have left it all on the gridiron after almost doing the unthinkable by nearly dropping Ohio State. But unlike the Buckeyes, Broncos will play with all their folks, probably including three from Amsterdam who sat out last week (and given that their respective prep schools were in the near-proximity of legal marijuana and red light districts, they mighta’ been more at home at UNLV…just sayin’.) and more-established offense. Boise has not covered last 4 games spotting their opponents less than three touchdowns on weekdays (we thank Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com for that convoluted trend) and did allow Joja’ scoring passes of 36- and 51-yards. Toledo did have a pair of receivers each over 100 receiving yards each in the OSU game. Boise has been nice 12-4 road fave the last three seasons and won 57-14 in 2010 match-up. Visiting the home of da’ Mudhens this week….Charlie Sheen and his “Violent Toledo of Truth” tour…BSU 44 Rockets 20
SAT. SEPT. 17
#1 Oklahoma over #5 FLORIDA STATE giving 3 ½: Pressure’s on the Sooners to defend the #1 ranking and we saw what happened to the TCU Frogs at the hands of vengeful Baylor in Week One, but the Toads nearly pulled it out anyway. Sooners got the bye and the extra week to prepare, and while they still really haven’t played anybody, ‘Noles got to stay in tune by pounding Charlatan Southern. No confidence in this call and we’d prefer “under” whatever total gets posted…OK 24 FSU 17
#2 ALABAMA over North Texas giving 46: Tide 54 Lean Green 0
#6 Stanford over ARIZONA giving 10: Cardinal 31 AZ 17
NORTHERN ILLINOIS over #7 Wisconsin taking 16 ½: Wisky 29 Huskies 16
#8 Oklahoma State over TULSA giving 14: OKSU 38 Hurricane 20
#9 TEXAS A&M over Idaho giving 36 ½: Aggies are rested for this one, but historically A&M is dismal 1-5 SU/0-5-1 ATS off a bye. Nonetheless, Tater Town is 6-13 ATS in last 19 lined games, 2-8 ATS back to last season, rolled over completely as 6-point chalk in opening home-loss to Bowling Green (supporting one of our best bet selections!) and trailed FCS squad North Dakota 14-3 early and 14-10 at halftime. Lots of seniors for Idaho, but just four returning starters on offense. We’ll stick with reliable home fave and Vindy’s BCS Title game contestant choice A&M, led by Ryan Tannehill…Aggies 54 Garlic Mashed 10
Washington over #10 NEBRASKA taking 17 ½: Big Dread 28 Sled Dogs 13
Navy over #11 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 18 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Gamecocks struggled early with East Carolina and then rallied to scrape past Georgia. Quarterback issues are apparent on offense and nobody on the young Carolina D-line has seen the Middies’ version of the option. Navy excels sailing in hostile waters, enjoying current 16-5 run as road dogs. Sailors get a bye after this before hosting Air Force, so they can let it rip. If it wasn’t for the presence of KFC running back Marcus Lattimore, we’d be hanging “upset pick of da’ week” on this…Poultry 28 Navy 23
Missouri State @ #12 OREGON: No line.
#13 VIRGINIA TECH over Arkansas State giving 24: Hokies 44 ASU 13
#14 ARKANSAS over Troy giving 24 ½: Hogs 45 Trojans 17
#15 Michigan State over NOTRE DAME taking 5: Two late-game collapses have put the Irish in a bad way. The Golden Domers have been September bet-against material since the start of the 2006 season and continue to be with 0-2 spread tally already this season. Spartans won 34-31 in 2010. Four of the last six in this match-up were decided by 3, the other two were double-digit victories by State. Sparty has been a bad road dog, but Leprechauns have been horrible home chalk at 9-21-2. ND is another squad with uncertainties under center…MSU 24 ND 20
Tennessee over #16 FLORIDA taking 9: Gators have beaten UT six straight years, the last four by double-digits, going just 3-2-1 ATS in the process. Florida eventually smothered (and covered) the Blazers in 39-0 rout and in a humanitarian move, went scoreless after three quarters. Of concern however, might be the tiny detail that four of UF’s first five tallies were field goals or safeties. Rocky Top seemingly has a new attitude and looked good in opening victories over I-AA Montana and a feisty Cincinnati team. Florida won 31-17 last year, but is just 5-10-2 against the number in conference play. Vols sport a 7-3 spread record as away dogs and 24-14-3 ATS in the SEC. Apparently, that nagging voice Vindy heard imploring him in Week Two to take UAB and the generous handicap turned out to just be a defective See ‘N Say in his childhood toy chest (“The dragon says ‘moooooo’! [Hey…we told ya it was defective!]) …Crocs 29 Vols 24
#17 Ohio State over MIAMI taking 3: We were hopin’ this one woulda’ stayed off the board, but so be it! Buckeyes, last week, displayed the blundering offensive effort we expected to see vs. Akron, posting a goose-egg in 4th Quarter and hanging on at Toledo. Both sides are still without some peeps and ‘Canes paid the price, losing opener to Maryland. State won 36-24 last season and Miami wants payback, but the Pelicans are 6-14 layin’ points in Coral Gables, 1-5 in last six vs. ranked opponents, under new management (We still love ya, Al Golden!) and will play inconsistent QB Jacory Harris, who’s as apt to throw a pick as he is a touchdown pass. Luke Fickell, at least, has played a couple games, while Harris has been limited to practice only. Defensive edge goes to the Big Ten squad as well, and we think Buckeyes find a way to win it. Miami booster Nevin Shapiro enticed players with motorcycles and leather jackets. The athletes, many of whom watched re-runs of Happy Days as kids, apparently thought their benevolent-but-bogus benefactor said “Fonzie scheme” and figured it was all good. Reached for comment later, Henry Winkler flashed a thumbs-up and quipped, “Miami???? Heeeyyyyyy!!!!!”… Ohio State 20 Miami 16
MARYLAND over #18 West Virginia giving 2: Box Turtles 24 Mountaineers 19
Stephen F. Austin @ #19 BAYLOR: No line.
Florida A&M @ #20 SOUTH FLORIDA: No line.
#21 Auburn over CLEMSON taking 3 ½: Like the trees at Toomer’s Corner, Auburn is resilient, coming out on the right side of a couple of nail-biters. Like Auburn, Clemson is breaking-in a lot of new faces on defense. It is experienced on offense…except at quarterback. Auburn took this one 27-24 last year, one of four defeats for Clemson by 6 points or less. Clemson hasn’t been tested yet and was unimpressive in last week’s 35-29 win over I-AA Wofford. BTW, the War Eagle that did a major face-plant on the pane-glass of a luxury box at Jordan-Hare Stadium last week has been offered a rockin’ endorsement deal from Windex!...Auburn 31 Clemson 27
#22 Arizona State over ILLINOIS giving 1 ½: Is the ASU logo change reminiscent for anybody else out there, as it is for Vindicator, of Aquaman’s or Neptune’s trident???!!!”Fear the Fork (Respect da’ Tail?!!!)”!....ASU 23 Illini 14
#23 TEXAS CHRISTIAN over Louisiana-Monroe giving 27 ½: Toads 34 ULM 3
#24 Texas over UCLA giving 3 ½: Not a bad choice for lock. Maybe we spoke too soon about Garrett Gilbert’s improved competency at QB for the ‘Horns. He bought himself a trip to the pine this week with 2-fer-8 for 8 yards and two picks vs. BYU. Bruins lost shootout to Houston and we think they were maybe looking past San Josie with ugly 10-point decision in anticipation of this one…or were they? Steers in revenge mode after last year’s 34-12 Bruins win sent the Austin Angus into a major tailspin. UCLA was a good bet vs. non-conference coming into 2011, but has dropped both to the line in two tries to-date…Texas 24 UCLA 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Obama also went on to praise the efforts of resistance forces across the country that successfully repelled the extraterrestrial hoards, including folks in his hometown of Chicago, who made their final stand at O’Hare International Airport and gave new meaning to the phrase “Monsters of the Midway”!
In related news, the Chicago Bears announced a last-minute cancellation of Family Night in late August after the grounds-crew forgot to water Soldier Field and heat forced postponement of that day’s practice. Great. Da’ Bears were 0-1 at home before the season even started!
Last week, we noted some surprising final scores from FBS-FCS tussles. This week’s entries in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!”category include: the aforementioned Clemson 35 (#9) Wofford 27, Weeziana Tech 48 (#20) Central Arkansas 42(OT), Pitt 35 (unranked) Maine 29, Syracuse 21 (unranked ) Rhode Island 14, Eastern Michigan 14 (unranked) Alabama State 7….and just a week after nearly toppling USC, the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota fall outright, 28-21, to New Mexico State, who had a total of five SU wins over the previous two years!
East Baton Rouge PD seized 49 (count ‘em, 49!) pairs of shoes during a search of Jordan Jefferson’s pad. Leads us to conclude one of three things…1) JJ lives with a woman 2) the Bengals QB secretly wants to be a woman or 3) he actually wants to play for Oregon and has compiled the requisite amount of footwear to go with each of the Ducks’ possible uniform combinations!
Cam Newton coulda’ made millions being drafted by…and playing for…the Denver Broncos or Buffalo Bills this past April, but his father had already offered-up the former Auburn Tiger’s services to the Carolina Panthers in exchange for three separate payments totaling $180,000! (The elder Newton was subsequently offered the role of Dr. Evil in an upcoming remake of Austin Powers in Goldmember!
After five attempts, Doug Flutie’s daughter finally got herself a roster spot as a New England Patriots cheerleader. Judges were left with no choice but to grant her the job after she launched her pom-poms 65-yards downfield to a waiting Gerard Phelan in the end zone with no time left in her audition, giving her the upset over another girl, who was heavily-favored to win the position!
Vindy caught the following headline in a May edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal: “MLB Probes Treatment Given to Yankees’ Colon”. Huh??!! Did unsavory things happen during the Bronx Bombers’ team visit to the proctologist???!!
Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco didn’t make the contract-cut following a five-day March tryout with Kansas City of the MLS. Still, we can’t wait to see him bicycle-kick his first pass-reception through the uprights!
Steve Spurrier came out this week in support of research by a college athlete advocacy group showing your run-of-the-mill I-A gridiron player is worth about $121,000. Yet another Kelly Blue Book special-edition shows a Mercedes S-class or Bentley with very little mileage will fetch ya Charlie Batch…or Ryan Leaf and a nifty full-size skull tat on the butt-cheek of your choice!
Shoppe Talk: Joining the Buckeyes (0-2), Oklahoma State gets to ride the Shoppe range following back-to-back forecast losses to start the season. In addition, we invite the ECU Pirates and Bulls of South Florida, both 0-2.
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0 Season: 8-1 (.889)
Nevada-Reno -5 ½ over SAN JOSE STATE, CINCINNATI -31 over Akron, Washington State +7 over SAN DIEGO STATE, Utah +6 ½ over BYU, BOWLING GREEN -8 ½ over Wyoming
And now back to our favorite stoner fantasy-flick-with-religious-overtones….”The Chronic of Narnia”! (Yeah, YEAH! Save the hate-mail for someone who cares!)
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